The Long Hold Support Group

[[Ma...]]

Well, did everyone get enough chocolate and jelly beans? Surely the Easter Bunny did well  did by us all, considering how much we earned a little sweetness over this past year. I didn’t consider the fact that I had to ride in the backseat on the way home. My mother-in-law has the be upfront. At 91, I am just glad she can still get out. Not going to cram in a tiny space. That said, I wish I hadn’t eaten too many Easter eggs. Kind of funny. I was throwing up in an empty Target bag while she chattered away to Tom about her friends at assisted living. She is very hard of hearing, so I didn’t upset her. It was a good day, all in all. Doing anything is a struggle for me now, but some things are worth struggling for. Someday, maybe we can all eliminate the word “struggle” from the moments that should be ones of joy. May it be so. Esperanza

Oh you crazy woman  how many eggs did you eat.  I so hope you are right about the struggling part.  Yes, she is 91, she gets automatic dibs on the front seat, is not you could race her for it.  :laugh:  love you, are you feeling better now I hope?  Mary 🚘

[[es...]]

It was rather refreshing to have a sickness that was Not benzo related. So very normal. I always get car sick in the back seat on crooked roads. Makes no sense. I am a mountain girl. Espy

[[Ma...]]

Sorry you've been sick, Espy. Hope you're okay now.  💙

 

Mary, I've done silly things like that before. I once pulled a new oven up a flight of stairs. Crazy. I was lucky I was alright. Hope you're okay soon. The hot bath sounds like a good idea. Love to you. 💙

 

Trishy, I'm sorry the "lurgy" is still with you. That word is from a British comedy I think. It covers all illnesses. Were you back at school today? It's a bank holiday over here. Most kids back at school tomorrow. Sending love. 💙

 

Well, I am still suffering from the change of my generic Mirtazepine. I've emailed the doctor's and I'm hoping they can give me my old brand tomorrow or the day after.

 

According to the pattern of my w/d, I should be due a window but I've no idea where the damn thing is. Perhaps it won't arrive until the meds brand change. Easter has been a total non-event. Felt rubbish almost all the time.

 

Sorry to be a misery. Hello to everyone I haven't mentioned.

 

Lots of Love.  Gilly xxx 💟💟💟

 

Oh English, when I was pulling. Pushing , lifting and shoving, I was thinking you probably should not be doing this, but they cost too much to leave them on the porch.  Now I am not sure that wass true  :laugh:  I didn't have a great Easter after that on Thursday.  Hopefully the really hurting parts of my body will ease off just a little.  And Tim will be home tomorrow.  How's sweet Tilly?  Did she get an egg for Easter?  Love you girlfriend, come back on if you feel like it.  🐱🐾🐾🐾.    ☘️🍀☘️🍀☘️🍀

[[Ma...]]

It was rather refreshing to have a sickness that was Not benzo related. So very normal. I always get car sick in the back seat on crooked roads. Makes no sense. I am a mountain girl. Espy

When I was little I got car sick and threw up on my sister's favorite teddy bear 🐻.  She's never forgiven me :laugh:

[[Tr...]]

Hello Mary, English, E..

 

I'm having some anxiety about being sick so long.. I also have a confession. I've been feeling as if I don't fit in anywhere for a long time. I don't feel at home at work, I don't feel at home, home! I feel misplaced, does that make sense. I'm battling depression over this. If I didn't get sick I would have been able to see my therapist but that didn't get to happen. I don't look forward to anything. I can't even find a show on TV that I can get interested in. I feel restless, anxious, depressed and soooo out of sorts.. I have no idea what to do with all this.

Is this part of the depersonalization/ derealization?? I don't know anymore. Can someone ever get real joy back into their lives? I'm feeling very bleak about the future 😭

Love to all,

Trish ❤️

 

 

[[Ma...]]

-ray

Hello Mary, English, E..

 

I'm having some anxiety about being sick so long.. I also have a confession. I've been feeling as if I don't fit in anywhere for a long time. I don't feel at home at work, I don't feel at home, home! I feel misplaced, does that make sense. I'm battling depression over this. If I didn't get sick I would have been able to see my therapist but that didn't get to happen. I don't look forward to anything. I can't even find a show on TV that I can get interested in. I feel restless, anxious, depressed and soooo out of sorts.. I have no idea what to do with all this.

Is this part of the depersonalization/ derealization?? I don't know anymore. Can someone ever get real joy back into their lives? I'm feeling very bleak about the future 😭

Love to all,

Trish ❤️

Trishy, I just read a post that explained what you are feeling really well.  I can't explain it as well as them, but it has to do with your pleasure center in your brain being shut down by the benzo's, but hers is coming back.  Let me see if I can find it so you can read it.

[[Tr...]]

Thanks so much Mary, that makes a lot of sense. I'd love to read that.

❤️💞

[[Ma...]]

Thanks so much Mary, that makes a lot of sense. I'd love to read that.

❤️💞

I'm sorry, I can't find it and since I didn't post on it, I can't find it.  But that was the jist of it.  Probably being sick as much as you have is just wearing your brain and body out.  I know Stut was really down right before she finally got her vacation, with the uti and taking care of her sister.  I'm sorry, once you feel better and go back to work, some of your happiness will come back.  Right now, you have just felt awful a long time.

[[Tr...]]

Thanks so much Mary, that makes a lot of sense. I'd love to read that.

❤️💞

I'm sorry, I can't find it and since I didn't post on it, I can't find it.  But that was the jist of it.  Probably being sick as much as you have is just wearing your brain and body out.  I know Stut was really down right before she finally got her vacation, with the uti and taking care of her sister.  I'm sorry, once you feel better and go back to work, some of your happiness will come back.  Right now, you have just felt awful a long time.

Thanks Mary for looking for it. I am in such bad shape mentally and physically. I keep thinking how happy I was when I took that 6 month break after the former Dr threw me into acute wd, from his ridiculous expectations, and didn't taper. I was doing so well, I felt during that time that life really could be good and now I feel hopeless. I hope this passes very soon bc life really sucks at the moment.

 

How are your muscles from all that lifting? Are you some what better?

[[Ma...]]

Thanks so much Mary, that makes a lot of sense. I'd love to read that.

❤️💞

I'm sorry, I can't find it and since I didn't post on it, I can't find it.  But that was the jist of it.  Probably being sick as much as you have is just wearing your brain and body out.  I know Stut was really down right before she finally got her vacation, with the uti and taking care of her sister.  I'm sorry, once you feel better and go back to work, some of your happiness will come back.  Right now, you have just felt awful a long time.

Thanks Mary for looking for it. I am in such bad shape mentally and physically. I keep thinking how happy I was when I took that 6 month break after the former Dr threw me into acute wd, from his ridiculous expectations, and didn't taper. I was doing so well, I felt during that time that life really could be good and now I feel hopeless. I hope this passes very soon bc life really sucks at the moment.

 

How are your muscles from all that lifting? Are you some what better?

No, no yet.  How could I be so stupid, damn. 

I know Esperanza has it too, and the pleasure center seems to correlate with your sxs

[[Tr...]]

Thanks so much Mary, that makes a lot of sense. I'd love to read that.

❤️💞

I'm sorry, I can't find it and since I didn't post on it, I can't find it.  But that was the jist of it.  Probably being sick as much as you have is just wearing your brain and body out.  I know Stut was really down right before she finally got her vacation, with the uti and taking care of her sister.  I'm sorry, once you feel better and go back to work, some of your happiness will come back.  Right now, you have just felt awful a long time.

Thanks Mary for looking for it. I am in such bad shape mentally and physically. I keep thinking how happy I was when I took that 6 month break after the former Dr threw me into acute wd, from his ridiculous expectations, and didn't taper. I was doing so well, I felt during that time that life really could be good and now I feel hopeless. I hope this passes very soon bc life really sucks at the moment.

 

How are your muscles from all that lifting? Are you some what better?

No, no yet.  How could I be so stupid, damn. 

I know Esperanza has it too, and the pleasure center seems to correlate with your sxs

 

I'm sorry you're still in pain, I have to say though you handle it well, you're no wuss when it comes to pain that's for sure!

 

So I just had a memory, I think I might know what you're talking about with the pleasure center in the brain. Let's just say without getting to personal that I was getting sensations when I started recovering from the acute wd that I found interesting but had no idea what was going on..I think that answers it for me. What was lost to benzos was now coming back up online in a sense Aha! 🤔

[[Tr...]]

I miss my twin your queen 😭

[[Ma...]]

Thanks so much Mary, that makes a lot of sense. I'd love to read that.

❤️💞

I'm sorry, I can't find it and since I didn't post on it, I can't find it.  But that was the jist of it.  Probably being sick as much as you have is just wearing your brain and body out.  I know Stut was really down right before she finally got her vacation, with the uti and taking care of her sister.  I'm sorry, once you feel better and go back to work, some of your happiness will come back.  Right now, you have just felt awful a long time.

Thanks Mary for looking for it. I am in such bad shape mentally and physically. I keep thinking how happy I was when I took that 6 month break after the former Dr threw me into acute wd, from his ridiculous expectations, and didn't taper. I was doing so well, I felt during that time that life really could be good and now I feel hopeless. I hope this passes very soon bc life really sucks at the moment.

 

How are your muscles from all that lifting? Are you some what better?

No, no yet.  How could I be so stupid, damn. 

I know Esperanza has it too, and the pleasure center seems to correlate with your sxs

 

I'm sorry you're still in pain, I have to say though you handle it well, you're no wuss when it comes to pain that's for sure!

 

So I just had a memory, I think I might know what you're talking about with the pleasure center in the brain. Let's just say without getting to personal that I was getting sensations when I started recovering from the acute wd that I found interesting but had no idea what was going on..I think that answers it for me. What was lost to benzos was now coming back up online in a sense Aha! 🤔

. So you may actually be healing?

[[Tr...]]

Thanks so much Mary, that makes a lot of sense. I'd love to read that.

❤️💞

I'm sorry, I can't find it and since I didn't post on it, I can't find it.  But that was the jist of it.  Probably being sick as much as you have is just wearing your brain and body out.  I know Stut was really down right before she finally got her vacation, with the uti and taking care of her sister.  I'm sorry, once you feel better and go back to work, some of your happiness will come back.  Right now, you have just felt awful a long time.

Thanks Mary for looking for it. I am in such bad shape mentally and physically. I keep thinking how happy I was when I took that 6 month break after the former Dr threw me into acute wd, from his ridiculous expectations, and didn't taper. I was doing so well, I felt during that time that life really could be good and now I feel hopeless. I hope this passes very soon bc life really sucks at the moment.

 

How are your muscles from all that lifting? Are you some what better?

No, no yet.  How could I be so stupid, damn. 

I know Esperanza has it too, and the pleasure center seems to correlate with your sxs

 

I'm sorry you're still in pain, I have to say though you handle it well, you're no wuss when it comes to pain that's for sure!

 

So I just had a memory, I think I might know what you're talking about with the pleasure center in the brain. Let's just say without getting to personal that I was getting sensations when I started recovering from the acute wd that I found interesting but had no idea what was going on..I think that answers it for me. What was lost to benzos was now coming back up online in a sense Aha! 🤔

. So you may actually be healing?

Maybe I was 6 months ago, but it sure doesn't feel like healing now, this kind of healing sucks. This is such a long hard process 😔

[[4G...]]

Trishy, That isn't so strange. I feel like that right now. What's going to happen to me if I can't stand this sh*t any more?  When I woke up today I found an online grocery order that I'd been doing last night. Now I can't believe that I was even a little bit interested in it. Dave is downstairs. He has done nothing wrong at all but I don't want to be with him. I am completely out of sorts. I can tolerate the company of the cat and that is all. I'm not happy anywhere. Everything seems totally meaningless. Then I think about this having been with me for six years and I despair.

Does this sound similar or not? Mary is right about Espy. You're not the only one who feels weird. I am very scared.

Love, Gilly xxx

[[Tr...]]

Trishy, That isn't so strange. I feel like that right now. What's going to happen to me if I can't stand this sh*t any more?  When I woke up today I found an online grocery order that I'd been doing last night. Now I can't believe that I was even a little bit interested in it. Dave is downstairs. He has done nothing wrong at all but I don't want to be with him. I am completely out of sorts. I can tolerate the company of the cat and that is all. I'm not happy anywhere. Everything seems totally meaningless. Then I think about this having been with me for six years and I despair.

Does this sound similar or not? Mary is right about Espy. You're not the only one who feels weird. I am very scared.

Love, Gilly xxx

Oh English how could I not have known that my depression and this feeling of being out of sorts was all benzo related..I knew the increased anxiety was from the Xanax I had pieced that together but this other shit that's been going on I just didn't put it together and I was like this for years 😭

[[es...]]

Trishy, I can relate to how you feel. I believe it is totally withdrawal. It is not who you are. Or will be. It just feels so awful. Believe me, I know these feelings well. The benzo is just doing everything it can to get you to take more. It doesn’t realize it has already lost that battle. In time, it will. Benzos fooled us for a long time, but we found them out. I don’t know how to make your feelings stop, but I sure can tell you they are normal. Love, Espy

[[Tr...]]

Trishy, I can relate to how you feel. I believe it is totally withdrawal. It is not who you are. Or will be. It just feels so awful. Believe me, I know these feelings well. The benzo is just doing everything it can to get you to take more. It doesn’t realize it has already lost that battle. In time, it will. Benzos fooled us for a long time, but we found them out. I don’t know how to make your feelings stop, but I sure can tell you they are normal. Love, Espy

Oh my God E I'm subbing right now.. I can't believe what this drug has done to me. Thank you for being here and being my friend, you and all our other buddies here.. No one in my world understands this and I guess in a way that includes me

 

Maybe being sick too has got me feeling even more fragile, I don't know..I just don't know 😭😭

[[Ma...]]

Thanks so much Mary, that makes a lot of sense. I'd love to read that.

❤️💞

I'm sorry, I can't find it and since I didn't post on it, I can't find it.  But that was the jist of it.  Probably being sick as much as you have is just wearing your brain and body out.  I know Stut was really down right before she finally got her vacation, with the uti and taking care of her sister.  I'm sorry, once you feel better and go back to work, some of your happiness will come back.  Right now, you have just felt awful a long time.

Thanks Mary for looking for it. I am in such bad shape mentally and physically. I keep thinking how happy I was when I took that 6 month break after the former Dr threw me into acute wd, from his ridiculous expectations, and didn't taper. I was doing so well, I felt during that time that life really could be good and now I feel hopeless. I hope this passes very soon bc life really sucks at the moment.

 

How are your muscles from all that lifting? Are you some what better?

No, no yet.  How could I be so stupid, damn. 

I know Esperanza has it too, and the pleasure center seems to correlate with your sxs

 

I'm sorry you're still in pain, I have to say though you handle it well, you're no wuss when it comes to pain that's for sure!

 

So I just had a memory, I think I might know what you're talking about with the pleasure center in the brain. Let's just say without getting to personal that I was getting sensations when I started recovering from the acute wd that I found interesting but had no idea what was going on..I think that answers it for me. What was lost to benzos was now coming back up online in a sense Aha! 🤔

. So you may actually be healing?

Maybe I was 6 months ago, but it sure doesn't feel like healing now, this kind of healing sucks. This is such a long hard process 😔

It is unf-cking believeable.  I just can't let myself think about it.  Remember, it can be healing, just not linear healing  . I was in so little pain when I had that window, it just shows, my back isn't injured, it's totally benzo.  How weird.

[[Ma...]]

Trishy, I can relate to how you feel. I believe it is totally withdrawal. It is not who you are. Or will be. It just feels so awful. Believe me, I know these feelings well. The benzo is just doing everything it can to get you to take more. It doesn’t realize it has already lost that battle. In time, it will. Benzos fooled us for a long time, but we found them out. I don’t know how to make your feelings stop, but I sure can tell you they are normal. Love, Espy

Oh my God E I'm subbing right now.. I can't believe what this drug has done to me. Thank you for being here and being my friend, you and all our other buddies here.. No one in my world understands this and I guess in a way that includes me

 

Maybe being sick too has got me feeling even more fragile, I don't know..I just don't know 😭😭

I have a day or so a week when I feel very vulnerable and just makes everything worse.  We are strong women, we will get through this.  Patience, acceptance, and time.  I have been trying to be accepting of this pain.  It is not easy

[[Ma...]]

Hey Intend, how are you doing today my buddy  :smitten:

[[In...]]

Hey Intend, how are you doing today my buddy  :smitten:

 

Mary, I’m reading along here. You guys all seem to be panicked.

 

This is all related to benzo withdrawl. No doubt in my mind.

[[Tr...]]

Trishy, I can relate to how you feel. I believe it is totally withdrawal. It is not who you are. Or will be. It just feels so awful. Believe me, I know these feelings well. The benzo is just doing everything it can to get you to take more. It doesn’t realize it has already lost that battle. In time, it will. Benzos fooled us for a long time, but we found them out. I don’t know how to make your feelings stop, but I sure can tell you they are normal. Love, Espy

Oh my God E I'm subbing right now.. I can't believe what this drug has done to me. Thank you for being here and being my friend, you and all our other buddies here.. No one in my world understands this and I guess in a way that includes me

 

Maybe being sick too has got me feeling even more fragile, I don't know..I just don't know 😭😭

I have a day or so a week when I feel very vulnerable and just makes everything worse.  We are strong women, we will get through this.  Patience, acceptance, and time.  I have been trying to be accepting of this pain.  It is not easy

You're a warrior Mary and a very sympathetic, kind caring one. And I said it before and I'll say it again, you handle your pain like a boss. I'm not as brave or as strong as you but I am a survivor. I've been doing it my whole life and ya know what it's getting exhausting trying to survive everyday. I think it's ok for us all to say were tired, so today not so good I'm taking my battle fatigues off and allowing the mental anguish to flow..a few good cry's is sometimes needed. A little pity party here and there is ok, so if you want to cry about your pain let it flow girlfriend, you have every right to and you've earned every battle scar , you fight hard. We're in these trenches together..

 

Sometimes we find our strength when we are weak me thinks 🤔

 

 

[[Ma...]]

Hey Intend, how are you doing today my buddy  :smitten:

 

Mary, I’m reading along here. You guys all seem to be panicked.

 

This is all related to benzo withdrawl. No doubt in my mind.

 

I am not panicked, just hurt worse from carrying those mattresses in like a dumb a$$

But Trishy and Esperanza have dp/dr and are just so down.  Yes, it's all benzo, I'm sure too.  I will hurt in different places tomorrow but it hasn't been as bad this afternoon as it was this morning.  How are you doing?

[[Ma...]]

Trishy, I can relate to how you feel. I believe it is totally withdrawal. It is not who you are. Or will be. It just feels so awful. Believe me, I know these feelings well. The benzo is just doing everything it can to get you to take more. It doesn’t realize it has already lost that battle. In time, it will. Benzos fooled us for a long time, but we found them out. I don’t know how to make your feelings stop, but I sure can tell you they are normal. Love, Espy

Oh my God E I'm subbing right now.. I can't believe what this drug has done to me. Thank you for being here and being my friend, you and all our other buddies here.. No one in my world understands this and I guess in a way that includes me

 

Maybe being sick too has got me feeling even more fragile, I don't know..I just don't know 😭😭

I have a day or so a week when I feel very vulnerable and just makes everything worse.  We are strong women, we will get through this.  Patience, acceptance, and time.  I have been trying to be accepting of this pain.  It is not easy

You're a warrior Mary and a very sympathetic, kind caring one. And I said it before and I'll say it again, you handle your pain like a boss. I'm not as brave or as strong as you but I am a survivor. I've been doing it my whole life and ya know what it's getting exhausting trying to survive everyday. I think it's ok for us all to say were tired, so today not so good I'm taking my battle fatigues off and allowing the mental anguish to flow..a few good cry's is sometimes needed. A little pity party here and there is ok, so if you want to cry about your pain let it flow girlfriend, you have every right to and you've earned every battle scar , you fight hard. We're in these trenches together..

 

Sometimes we find our strength when we are weak me thinks 🤔

I have to be careful crying, it can start a damn migraine.  I really have to cry to let myself, and then I just cut loose