Under the Rug (Trigger Warning)

[[We...]]

I am soooo happy to report that today I had my very first morning with zero morning creepies!!!!  Yay!!!  I woke up feeling....NORMAL!!!  WHAT?  And no dragging exhaustion.  What a great way to enter month 9.  I'll take it.  Even if it's just one morning...it's another sign of healing and more healing in the weeks and months ahead.

 

nomore...I hope your DLMT is going well.

 

And I hope Tater is having a lovely time on her vacation up north.

 

Final...Love the frog    Jeremiah!!!  How's your husband doing?

 

The season is changing here and I'm going through my closet.  Not to brag or anything, but my scarves from ten years ago still fit.  Earrings too!!!

[[co...]]

Hah hah aha. 

 

Thanks for the 'morning' laff...

[[Fi...]]

I am soooo happy to report that today I had my very first morning with zero morning creepies!!!!  Yay!!!  I woke up feeling....NORMAL!!!  WHAT?  And no dragging exhaustion.  What a great way to enter month 9.  I'll take it.  Even if it's just one morning...it's another sign of healing and more healing in the weeks and months ahead.

 

nomore...I hope your DLMT is going well.

 

And I hope Tater is having a lovely time on her vacation up north.

 

Final...Love the frog    Jeremiah!!!  How's your husband doing?

 

The season is changing here and I'm going through my closet.  Not to brag or anything, but my scarves from ten years ago still fit.  Earrings too!!!

 

So glad to hear you felt normal Welchie.  What a great feeling to have.  I actually had an hour from 6-7 this morning where I felt normal, even woke up calm.  The creepies came back at 7 but it was amazing for that hour. My husband is doing better bit by bit.

 

So happy that you had a good morning and wishing you even more of them.

[[Sa...]]

Yes Welchie! I literally just popped on this page hoping for an update from you that sounded like that! Woohoo!

[[We...]]

Hey Saige!  Good to hear from you, sweetie!  How's things?  I see you're getting those numbers down good and low.  .12mg  Woo Hoo and Woot Woot back at you!!!  Hope you're feeling better the lower you go.  Or at least staying steady.  I remember when you first came on the forum....and me and Pete were the 'welcoming committee'    All last winter was such a blur!  I was still in really bad acute.  How are the kids doing with the dance competitions?

 

I just finished painting my front porch this weekend and did oodles of other things too.  So nice to feel that much closer to 'normal'.  Put out some nice mums for the fall and a couple of pumpkins.  Fun!  I'm in month nine now.  Lots of sx falling away.  A couple of stubborn ones that are a lot less intense...so...I got no complaints.

[[no...]]

I just finished painting my front porch this weekend and did oodles of other things too.  So nice to feel that much closer to 'normal'.  Put out some nice mums for the fall and a couple of pumpkins.  Fun!  I'm in month nine now.  Lots of sx falling away.  A couple of stubborn ones that are a lot less intense...so...I got no complaints.

 

 

you're rockin and rollin now!  

[[We...]]

We be COOL    And woot woot to you too nomore!  There's no stopping us benzo babes!!!

 

Maybe I could even have a go at bungie cord walking!!!  Not quite ready for bungie cord jumping...

[[no...]]

We be COOL    And woot woot to you too nomore!  There's no stopping us benzo babes!!!

 

Maybe I could even have a go at bungie cord walking!!!  Not quite ready for bungie cord jumping...

 

omg Welchie, your sense of humor

 

Benzo Babes! a new sub group?

 

woot woot's returned!

[[We...]]

Hey everyone.  I hope today finds you all with manageable sx that continue to improve.

 

I'm thinking of leaving the forum and was wondering if anyone knows how to close an account?  Can't seem to find any info on that. 

 

Want to thank everyone who travelled with me throughout this ordeal and I sincerely hope I helped others get through some tough days too 

 

 

[[Fi...]]

Hey everyone.  I hope today finds you all with manageable sx that continue to improve.

 

I'm thinking of leaving the forum and was wondering if anyone knows how to close an account?  Can't seem to find any info on that. 

 

Want to thank everyone who travelled with me throughout this ordeal and I sincerely hope I helped others get through some tough days too 

 

I will miss you Welchie and all the support you have offered me and others.  I'm not sure how to close an account but maybe someone in the  administration side would know how. 

 

I'm so glad you are feeling better. 

[[We...]]

Thank you Final!!!  Thank you for your kind words.

 

I'm still torn about leaving the forum.  Gonna miss a lot of people.

[[no...]]

I'm still torn about leaving the forum.  Gonna miss a lot of people.

Welchie,

 

your soul has spoken to my soul on many things, that you already know about. we shared some very personal experiences and built each other up when we needed it. your biting wit has kept me in stitches and also tears, kinda feel more on the latter side of that now, thinking of not having your companionship for the rest of the journey. but my soul knows your soul is not separated from me in any way except exchange of words/data via this internet thing. it's just a human invention. our connection is deep and ending this route of data transfer or whatever ya wanna call it, won't change a thing with our connection. even the expiration of our bodies. it's all just a turning of the wheel. but you've been a cheery traveling companion on the road. your absence will be sorely felt. i'm sure gonna be thinkin of ya as events come and go in the "future". gonna miss sharing a bite of something tasty and watching the other travellers as they go zipping along, some going in circles, doubling back, going backwards and some headed in the same direction...you always have the most interesting perspective on them! you have shared profound things, and shown a high level of personal awareness, which is rare to bump into.  but i sure have enjoyed sharing this part of the trip with you, you have lifted the burden of going it alone. felt like we were Samwise and Frodo Baggins from The Lord of The Ring.  so i don't say goodbye, because that sounds like, well, goodbye! i say instead good journey my friend. and stay away from the okra.

 

[[We...]]

Aw fuque, nomore.....you're gonna make me cry.  Damn.  This is why I freaking stick around!!! Cuz of people like you!!!    Thanks for being there for me with some of the really deep shit we talked about.  You got some wide shoulders there girlfriend.  And one of the deepest truest hearts I've ever encountered. 

 

You touched something very deep in me too nomore.  Learned a lot from you too.  Thanks for all your kind words in this post...but I'm just your average @hole 

 

Here's the deal...I'm just going to put it out there.  I let the abusive behavior of a couple other members get to me.  People that are really good at slamming.  Nay...have made a career out of it.  And don't know when to stop.  Then I read a couple of threads with their posts last night that made me finally say to myself...dude...who needs this shit....the same abusive crap going on.

 

So...maybe I should stick around?  Just be more careful.   

 

PS

 

Cool pic.  I still have to learn to practice the pic links you tried to teach me.  I'm still an old dog.  Getting older by the minute.

[[be...]]

Hi Welchie, I hope you don't leave, just block those that upset you. Not long ago a really nice buddie left because of remarks made about Fat People and I tried to get her to stay, I hope she is just gone for a while, because BB has so much to offer, and interacting with others is very helpful while we are tapering, or off of benzo's. As you can see by the posts you have, you are well thought of and I hope you reconsider, we need more like you. I have followed you and enjoy reading your posts. Stay Strong and please do not let a few make things unbearable for you. 💖Peace and Healing.

[[ea...]]

I am all for kicking this thread back and up again. The sense of humor I found here helped me deal with some personal issues that came up. I am be healed from benzos, but am I healed from the original hurts that caused me to take benzos? NOPE. They still remain, even though over time I have learned better how o deal with them.

east

[[no...]]

Aw fuque, nomore.....you're gonna make me cry.  Damn.  This is why I freaking stick around!!! Cuz of people like you!!!    Thanks for being there for me with some of the really deep shit we talked about.  You got some wide shoulders there girlfriend.  And one of the deepest truest hearts I've ever encountered. 

 

You touched something very deep in me too nomore.  Learned a lot from you too.  Thanks for all your kind words in this post...but I'm just your average @hole 

 

Here's the deal...I'm just going to put it out there.  I let the abusive behavior of a couple other members get to me.  People that are really good at slamming.  Nay...have made a career out of it.  And don't know when to stop.  Then I read a couple of threads with their posts last night that made me finally say to myself...dude...who needs this shit....the same abusive crap going on.

 

So...maybe I should stick around?  Just be more careful.   

 

PS

 

Cool pic.  I still have to learn to practice the pic links you tried to teach me.  I'm still an old dog.  Getting older by the minute.

 

i love you too, my friend.

 

(as to the part i highlighted red:) yes, you nailed it again. you are recognizing the haters at their game and realizing you don't HAVE to play. it's hard not to get pulled in cause of being brought up in that stuff. but, whatever you choose to do, it's not a mistake. you just do you, the rest will fall into place.

 

pS

 

you'll get imgur down promise! once you do it once you'll think  dang that was easy! it's just hard to describe instructions without using fingers to point at stuff on the screen. okay Old Soul, i'm going to make potobella mushroom fajitas!

[[We...]]

nomore...set an extra place at that dinner table for me will ya?  Dang grrl.  You're one helluva cook.  Hugs and more hugs.

 

It never ceases to amaze me, the people here.  How ready you all are to reach out with love to a wounded BB.  THAT'S the BB I fell in love with early on and has kept me going through the darkest of a dark night, what I've tried to give back to others in need too.  You're right.  Don't let a few rotten apples spoil the pie.  But you know how it goes...when you're vulnerable and already in pain, certain things just hit you the wrong way at the wrong time. Things feel exaggerated.  But yeah, you're right...I'm not going to let a rotten few get me down.  So there.  Once again, I thank my middle finger for sticking up for me!!!  Full speed ahead!!!

 

begood...I don't know you very well personally but thank you for your kind words.  I mean, I'm literally sitting here with tears running, good ones, that someone who hardly knows me would take the time to write that post.  Your posts have been an inspiration for me.  And I hope I kept you a little entertained on this thread with all my foolishness.    This rambling patch quilt of a thread.  Thank you for reaching out.  You guys, all of you, are so special.

 

And east...yeah, old wounds.  But I have to admit, I'm getting scared of posting anything positive to anyone lately on the forum at large.  Things have gotten...weird.  People just flat out attacking others like a pack of rabid dogs.  People being attacked for trying to stay positive and keep hope alive for others. 

 

I haven't slept for a couple of nights.  So I've had a few days where it's like...ok, made it from the bed to the couch.  There's no stopping me now!!!  Oh what a roller coaster ride this benzo business is.  I guess one good night's sleep (which for us means anything over two hours  ) will hopefully get the brain  back on track.

 

Love you guys!!!

[[mo...]]

I guess you must be talking about me. Yeah, it did hurt what both of you did, Welchie and nomoredrugs. It did hurt, and it still does, especially from you Welchie. It hurt a whole lot, and it still hurts now.

[[mo...]]

I guess you must be talking about me. Yeah, it did hurt what both of you did, Welchie and nomoredrugs. It did hurt, and it still does, especially from you Welchie. It hurt a whole lot, and it still hurts now.

 

It did hurt and it does, but you are never going to break me. You won’t, the other person who hurt me this year from this forum even more than you did—far, far more—didn’t break me. No one here will break me, they never have and they never will. God alone has the authority to break me or allow me to be broken. And I will not hate you, and I don’t hate nomore, I hate no one here. So please don’t congratulate yourself with thinking you have any haters, you don’t. And the way you left our friendship was not at all cool, and nomore’s judgemental and attacking assumptions on me are absolutely incorrect. You sided with her after she went for my jugular over what she thought I said about my mother. What she assumed it meant that I did not do to her on the stupid vent thread or whatever, what she assumed I had no experience with when she blindsided me with advice in one of my most vulnerable moments on my own blog when I was dumped and suffering hell from heat and photosensitivity, and then went around trying to flatter the crap out of the only other male here at this point I obviously had affection for.

 

And you knew that I had told you there are things I don’t understand about so many things. The last conversations we had you were practically trying to force me to understand that I’m not an evil person. You know that I beat myself up constantly and think I’m awful, when we both know it’s true that I am not. I am not an awful person, and I don’t know nomore but I think she assumed I was a narcissist and then psychotic and then tried to insinuate that I was... after I had done nothing to her. I trusted her, like I trusted you. None of us are perfect, but you slammed me and rejected me without even speaking to me or hearing my side of things... and then you went on and on and on in that ACON thread and off with your new friend nomoredrugsforme. Well guess what? Good, you two can keep each other because it was rotten treatment and it’s very clear that there was a miscommunication where you thought I was attacking you, but you never stopped to consider that I felt attacked. And I was attacked by nomoredrugs, I was the one who was defending myself. She made assumptions about me, then stopped speaking with me which was fine... but did she let it go at that? No, she went after my me and my relationship with my mother on that ACON thread, instead of just leaving me alone like I was happy to do with her.

 

Then, I indirectly mention that I was hurt by a few members recently, and you take it this far?

 

Yeah, you freaking hurt me and the ACON thread got way out of control and so does this thread and so does nomoredrugs, and apparently so do you. Don’t even try to act like you two are saints, or that you are on the side of good while I’m some dark horse.

 

Leave me alone—both of you. You are no one I want to hear about, hear from and I don’t want my name on your fingers typing... directly or indirectly... not on the screen, or in your journal or on your lips. Leave me alone and I will offer you the same respect. Leave me alone and stop telling yourselves that you are these great/good people, when the reality is that no one is really good. We all make mistakes, say and do and think and feel things we shouldn’t. We all misunderstand things and don’t have the right to judge one another, because no one knows everything about anyone else or what the contents of their heart are. And they certainly don’t know when they make assumptions and judgements as easily as the two of you, and won’t even hear another party out or ask! We may not all be NPD spectrum though; and this may be news for you. You have flaws and you tear people down and treat them like crap too. And you do it with feigned humility, which is even worse. And you aren’t actually that funny, maybe to yourself and several others, but I’m not laughing and I’m not actually hurting anymore either.

 

Do yourself the favor of not reading any more of my posts, because I won’t be reading any more of either of yours. Not even once more. And go ahead with also gifting yourself with the freedom to think and speak about other people and things... anything but me, because I won’t be wasting one more second on you. Either of you.

[[We...]]

I think you are the one who needs to back off non pilote.  I think you are the one who needs to look at your behavior.

 

You really have no healthy boundaries. 

 

Have to admit....you're putting on quite a show!!!! 

 

 

[[no...]]

I guess you must be talking about me. Yeah, it did hurt what both of you did, Welchie and nomoredrugs. It did hurt, and it still does, especially from you Welchie. It hurt a whole lot, and it still hurts now.

 

It did hurt and it does, but you are never going to break me. You won’t, the other person who hurt me this year from this forum even more than you did—far, far more—didn’t break me. No one here will break me, they never have and they never will. God alone has the authority to break me or allow me to be broken. And I will not hate you, and I don’t hate nomore, I hate no one here. So please don’t congratulate yourself with thinking you have any haters, you don’t. And the way you left our friendship was not at all cool, and nomore’s judgemental and attacking assumptions on me are absolutely incorrect. You sided with her after she went for my jugular over what she thought I said about my mother. What she assumed it meant that I did not do to her on the stupid vent thread or whatever, what she assumed I had no experience with when she blindsided me with advice in one of my most vulnerable moments on my own blog when I was dumped and suffering hell from heat and photosensitivity, and then went around trying to flatter the crap out of the only other male here at this point I obviously had affection for.

 

And you knew that I had told you there are things I don’t understand about so many things. The last conversations we had you were practically trying to force me to understand that I’m not an evil person. You know that I beat myself up constantly and think I’m awful, when we both know it’s true that I am not. I am not an awful person, and I don’t know nomore but I think she assumed I was a narcissist and then psychotic and then tried to insinuate that I was... after I had done nothing to her. I trusted her, like I trusted you. None of us are perfect, but you slammed me and rejected me without even speaking to me or hearing my side of things... and then you went on and on and on in that ACON thread and off with your new friend nomoredrugsforme. Well guess what? Good, you two can keep each other because it was rotten treatment and it’s very clear that there was a miscommunication where you thought I was attacking you, but you never stopped to consider that I felt attacked. And I was attacked by nomoredrugs, I was the one who was defending myself. She made assumptions about me, then stopped speaking with me which was fine... but did she let it go at that? No, she went after my me and my relationship with my mother on that ACON thread, instead of just leaving me alone like I was happy to do with her.

 

Then, I indirectly mention that I was hurt by a few members recently, and you take it this far?

 

Yeah, you freaking hurt me and the ACON thread got way out of control and so does this thread and so does nomoredrugs, and apparently so do you. Don’t even try to act like you two are saints, or that you are on the side of good while I’m some dark horse.

 

Leave me alone—both of you. You are no one I want to hear about, hear from and I don’t want my name on your fingers typing... directly or indirectly... not on the screen, or in your journal or on your lips. Leave me alone and I will offer you the same respect. Leave me alone and stop telling yourselves that you are these great/good people, when the reality is that no one is really good. We all make mistakes, say and do and think and feel things we shouldn’t. We all misunderstand things and don’t have the right to judge one another, because no one knows everything about anyone else or what the contents of their heart are. And they certainly don’t know when they make assumptions and judgements as easily as the two of you, and won’t even hear another party out or ask! We may not all be NPD spectrum though; and this may be news for you. You have flaws and you tear people down and treat them like crap too. And you do it with feigned humility, which is even worse. And you aren’t actually that funny, maybe to yourself and several others, but I’m not laughing and I’m not actually hurting anymore either.

 

Do yourself the favor of not reading any more of my posts, because I won’t be reading any more of either of yours. Not even once more. And go ahead with also gifting yourself with the freedom to think and speak about other people and things... anything but me, because I won’t be wasting one more second on you. Either of you.

 

since when did this thread become about mon pilote?  last time i checked this was a personal Buddie Blog belonging to Welchie.

 

as for:

I guess you must be talking about me.

...well if the shoe fits, buy one in every color! 

 

so mon pilote, you have fooled several people on this forum over the years into giving their phone numbers out to you in pm, only to then reveal a version of yourself that is quite different than the carefully manicured version that you present to the public online in the BB forums. well now  some of those people have begun to talk among themselves and discovered that they were all being manipulated by you and your lack of boundaries via private communications. and the result is that some of the people have gotten brave enough to stand up to you. and so you are acting out your rage by working doubletime to try and cover your tracks. you have been love-bombing the people who are still unaware of your shady tactics, and you have been running a smear campaign against anyone who dares to stand up to you. i stood up to you on another thread (ACON Adult Children of Narcissists) when you said i "attacked" you. (you told me that your mom is a narc, but you joined the ACON group denying that she was. you didn't like being asked about the discrepancy. so you turned it around and blamed me.) i defended myself in a firm but polite way. and you left because others stood with me and you went off to other threads to badmouth me and twist everything to try to regain your "image".

 

your time of bullying others on this thread, on your own Buddie Blog and ACON especially, (real smooth- trying to go into a support group for adult children of narcissists,  pretending to be a child of a narc, all the while denying that your parents are narcs) ...your time of bullying and pulling the wool over unsuspecting members of BB has come to an end.

 

it's obvious from your "poor me" posts above that you are upset about some of your former victims becoming friends. too bad. this forum (BB) and this thread especially, was started and remains dedicated to SUPPORTING fellow Benzo Buddies, not tearing them down. all you are doing here is draining the energy from BB's unaware of your tactics.  go back to your own blog and talk crap about whomever you want to tear down. you are not welcome here. this is Welchie's Buddie Blog, and this is where BB's who want to show her support and friendship are gathering to do just that.

[[no...]]

nomore...set an extra place at that dinner table for me will ya?  Dang grrl.  You're one helluva cook.  Hugs and more hugs.

portobello mushroom fajita night you're ON! heck yeah there's an extra place at the table already set. hugs fired back! lol

but wait, i gotta clear off some artwork mess that's on that side of the table first, too many paintbrush jars n stuff. oh we could eat on the couch, or at the bar? the bar doesn't get used for anything these days except storing dog biscuits anyways 

It never ceases to amaze me, the people here.  How ready you all are to reach out with love to a wounded BB.  THAT'S the BB I fell in love with early on and has kept me going through the darkest of a dark night, what I've tried to give back to others in need too.  You're right.  Don't let a few rotten apples spoil the pie.  But you know how it goes...when you're vulnerable and already in pain, certain things just hit you the wrong way at the wrong time. Things feel exaggerated.  But yeah, you're right...I'm not going to let a rotten few get me down.  So there.  Once again, I thank my middle finger for sticking up for me!!!  Full speed ahead!!!

 

begood...I don't know you very well personally but thank you for your kind words.  I mean, I'm literally sitting here with tears running, good ones, that someone who hardly knows me would take the time to write that post.  Your posts have been an inspiration for me. And I hope I kept you a little entertained on this thread with all my foolishness.    This rambling patch quilt of a thread.  Thank you for reaching out.  You guys, all of you, are so special.

that begood is a good egg. or a good apple, depending on where yer from! begood is good people. the "rambling patch quilt of a thread"... we love your phrases and spirit too. i'm gonna steal that "rambling patchwork quilt of a thread" bit and incorporate it into a quilt i'm woking on, if you don't mind. it would be a wonderful quote to embroider onto a quilt with recovery/healing stuff reflecting our time travelled together, all of us BB's on this journey. in fact, you just inspired an idea...i'll start a new thread about it and give you proper credit after i finish this one ok!

And east...yeah, old wounds.  But I have to admit, I'm getting scared of posting anything positive to anyone lately on the forum at large.  Things have gotten...weird.  People just flat out attacking others like a pack of rabid dogs.  People being attacked for trying to stay positive and keep hope alive for others. 

whoo doggies!  inside joke.  yes, it's choppy waters sometimes ain't it Welchie. 'salright. i got the sails, you keep the wheel! look out for sharks!

I haven't slept for a couple of nights.  So I've had a few days where it's like...ok, made it from the bed to the couch.  There's no stopping me now!!!  Oh what a roller coaster ride this benzo business is.  I guess one good night's sleep (which for us means anything over two hours  ) will hopefully get the brain  back on track.

hopefully the peaceful nights come back soon. maybe the release of all this stress, and knowing that a lot of us BB's here got your back will give you some peace, let your tension fade away into the shadows.

Love you guys!!!

you know it goes without saying, but we love you right back. even some who aren't as wordy as me, that just watch and listen from afar, but they love you too. more than you know.

 

 

[[We...]]

Fuquing Woo hoo and  :smitten: :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

 

 

[[Ta...]]

I love you guys! Just saw this and thought it was an anti-dote to some of our crappy doctors. 

 

http://drlorraine.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Patch-Adams-cartoon-empathetic-doctor.jpg

[[We...]]

OMG Tater!!!  Thanks for the laugh!  Much needed. 

 

But I suspect our butts are a lot better looking than our doc's.

 

How did your trip up country go?