My home is one big mess

[[Es...]]

yes, the cleaning ladies. I had a good one.. very young.. but then she told me about karma. And why I am sick.

Was her last day.

Why the hell cant they just shut up and clean??

I was wondering to hire one of the "I will clean up naked"-guys.. maybe they are quiet..

 

Marigold, those cleaning guys are really a good idea But are they doing decluttering as well? According to the KonMari method? Then they should be Japanese... Very expensive, I guess. I would prefer them clothed... not much, but anyway.

 

Translator, found a cool

for decluttering/cleaning. I know it’s not hard rock/heavy metal. But I’m actually imagining a thrash metal cover of it. Could be by Metallica. As they’ve been doing interesting pop song covers lately.

 

Another great motivating

on decluttering the kitchen according to Marie Kondō. I like this Charlotte Faraci’s vids a lot. Enjoy!

 

How is it going, BTW? You’ve been strangely quiet after the Friday’s visit...

[[Ma...]]

yes, the cleaning ladies. I had a good one.. very young.. but then she told me about karma. And why I am sick.

Was her last day.

Why the hell cant they just shut up and clean??

I was wondering to hire one of the "I will clean up naked"-guys.. maybe they are quiet..

 

:laugh:u r a nut.....don't stay in the house when they come, go sit in the garden....if they r stupid enough to talk about the person paying them, u shouldn't care what they say anyway.  Just enjoy your clean house 

[[Gr...]]

My last cleaning girl, I was too friendly with her.  In fact, I am still friends with her, but I would not want her to clean for me again, ever.

 

Okay- just going to throw this question out here:  How many pairs of pants do I need?  How many do you have?  What is a good number to aim for?  I am curious.  We have four seasons here, with very cold winter and very warm summer, so I usually store the opposite seasons in the closet. 

[[Es...]]

My last cleaning girl, I was too friendly with her.  In fact, I am still friends with her, but I would not want her to clean for me again, ever.

 

Okay- just going to throw this question out here:  How many pairs of pants do I need?  How many do you have?  What is a good number to aim for?  I am curious.  We have four seasons here, with very cold winter and very warm summer, so I usually store the opposite seasons in the closet.

 

Just counted the jeans and I have no energy to count the rest. Let’s say that I own too many pairs of jeans... I really don’t know how it happened. Here’s a good article on the number of jeans a woman should own.

 

I think you need at least three pairs of pants in which you go out each season. If you don’t work outside of home. And pants which you wear at home. Like two for a week of every season. I think so. That would be twenty pairs of pants? What do you say?

[[Ma...]]

I am puristic and poor

I have 3 jeans

2 Shorts

Lots of Pyjamas 

And 2 dresses

And 2 jeans for walking the dog.

 

That’s it

[[Es...]]

Well, I forgot to mention that I’m a recovering shopaholic. That’s why I’ve got so many pairs of jeans. And lots of other stuff I find difficult to discard. Or even to give away.

 

Translator, are you okay? Considering the circumstances... When you don’t log in for a longer time, I start thinking about that book "Buried in Treasures"...

 

 

 

[[So...]]

I am puristic and poor

I have 3 jeans

2 Shorts

Lots of Pyjamas 

And 2 dresses

And 2 jeans for walking the dog.

 

That’s it

 

I'm a minimalist and live on a budget.....have simply jeans (2 pair for errands,2 pair for grubby work) & white T shirts.It was a relief to get shed of stuff,I was ruthless in jettisoning.I make Marie Kondo look like a girl scout

[[Ma...]]

Well, I forgot to mention that I’m a recovering shopaholic. That’s why I’ve got so many pairs of jeans. And lots of other stuff I find difficult to discard. Or even to give away.

 

Translator, are you okay? Considering the circumstances... When you don’t log in for a longer time, I start thinking about that book "Buried in Treasures"...

 

I'm the same way Estee, once my back finally gives me a break, I am donating and throwing away everything I don't need. 

 

T100, u r a hoot girlfriend 

[[Es...]]

I am puristic and poor

I have 3 jeans

2 Shorts

Lots of Pyjamas 

And 2 dresses

And 2 jeans for walking the dog.

 

That’s it

 

I'm a minimalist and live on a budget.....have simply jeans (2 pair for errands,2 pair for grubby work) & white T shirts.It was a relief to get shed of stuff,I was ruthless in jettisoning.I make Marie Kondo look like a girl scout

 

Wow, SoupforDinner and Marigold. You are both so inspirational! You could work as KonMari assistants. That’s probably a great pay! I have lots of difficulties getting rid of stuff. It’s all good quality... I could sell it, but don’t have the time. If I ever knew I’d end up having much more things than I actually need...

 

When I started earning good money, I got obsessed with buying clothes, jewellery, books, records, etc. Cause I owned very little as a kid. I dreamt about having different things. I didn’t realize then I was also a hoarder. Now I don’t buy books anymore. I only download Kindle e-books on my iPad. I don’t buy new records. I subscribed to Apple Music, so I don’t need any.

 

My clothes and books are all neatly arranged. But the quantities are just overwhelming. Why was I so stupid to spend all that money instead of saving it. Psych meds probably... And other emotional issues. I don’t want a bigger appt., as it would mean more cleaning. All I can do is to discard stuff. But I’m so attached to all my possessions...

 

My Kitty has gotten like several hundred toys. And she doesn’t care about them. She only wants to play with me. Now I want to be a minimalist. But it ain’t so easy after all those years... No one has ever taught me that being a minimalist is actually cool. And that material things don’t make one happy. Translator, where are you?!?!?!

[[tr...]]

Hi!  I've had some very bad days in my mess. But you're never too bad, to talk to your friends! I'm so grateful for this thread, even if I wish it would be "It's so clean in my home" - ha!

 

I have also thought about minimalism. Then, I would take a excavator, so easily! With a string, I can then pull down the couch, table and toilet from the roof and walls. When it's finished, it's completely empty, not a thing! Maybe a bit boring, but then it's just pulling the red string, but not too fast! Do you have any tips, logical or illogical?

[[Es...]]

Hi!  I've had some very bad days in my mess. But you're never too bad, to talk to your friends! I'm so grateful for this thread, even if I wish it would be "It's so clean in my home" - ha!

 

I have also thought about minimalism. Then, I would take a excavator, so easily! With a string, I can then pull down the couch, table and toilet from the roof and walls. When it's finished, it's completely empty, not a thing! Maybe a bit boring, but then it's just pulling the red string, but not too fast! Do you have any tips, logical or illogical?

 

Hey Translator, so happy to see you! One day you’ll change the title of this thread to one more impressive. I promise. Have you watched any of the films I posted? I’m looking for inspiration all the time. This Charlotte Faraci uploads some cool movies and her home looks nice. She started decluttering when she read Marie Kondō’s "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up". But her home wasn’t messy before.

 

I’m gonna start tidying up as soon as I finish working. Did a bit yesterday. One day at a time. I’m also relearning to put things away where they belong. It was automatic before all this Ambien/Valium nightmare. Even in 2014. I was so orderly. I think the hospital stay in Feb. 2016 finished me off. Mother turned my appt. outside down looking for things to bring to the hospital. But I don’t know if I would be able to taper Ambien without that hospital stay. That was the first step. To say goodbye to Ambien forever. They only kept me in hospital for 8 days. But I never again touched Ambien.

 

I saw some motivational stuff online today... "Progress is not achieved by luck or by accident. But by working on yourself daily." Sounds good. Do you also find it difficult to discard or give away items? For me it’s extremely hard. I could sell some of my stuff on ebay. But I don’t have time for it ATM.

 

Didn’t sleep enough at night. Only six hours. But now when I wake up, I think of all the tasks during the day. And don’t feel like sleeping anymore. Time flies so quickly. Each second counts. I’m gonna look for some inspirational things to post here later. First one needs to have a vision. Then one has to take action. Be disciplined, motivated, persistent, self-compassionate and realistic. Keep imagining the home and the life of one’s dreams. And do something each day in order to make this vision reality.

 

Take care. Hugs

[[Ma...]]

I am puristic and poor

I have 3 jeans

2 Shorts

Lots of Pyjamas 

And 2 dresses

And 2 jeans for walking the dog.

 

That’s it

 

I'm a minimalist and live on a budget.....have simply jeans (2 pair for errands,2 pair for grubby work) & white T shirts.It was a relief to get shed of stuff,I was ruthless in jettisoning.I make Marie Kondo look like a girl scout

 

I started throwing away stuff yesterday......eventually there will b 3 piles.....donation, throw out, garage sale.  But, it's going, I want what you have .  And a kiss from that good boy

[[Es...]]

Congrats Mary I only got rid of my Kitty’s two Japanese Nekoichi bowls yesterday. Cause they are medium size and she eats/drinks from large ones... Let’s hope today will be better...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[So...]]

I am puristic and poor

I have 3 jeans

2 Shorts

Lots of Pyjamas 

And 2 dresses

And 2 jeans for walking the dog.

 

That’s it

 

I'm a minimalist and live on a budget.....have simply jeans (2 pair for errands,2 pair for grubby work) & white T shirts.It was a relief to get shed of stuff,I was ruthless in jettisoning.I make Marie Kondo look like a girl scout

 

I started throwing away stuff yesterday......eventually there will b 3 piles.....donation, throw out, garage sale.  But, it's going, I want what you have .  And a kiss from that good boy

 

<img src="http://www.myemoticons.com/images/animals/dogs/dog-1.gif" border="0" alt="Dog 1" title="Dog 1" />

 

Mary5588, Pupper sends his hugs and kisses to you!

 

 

[[tr...]]

Good job Mary! I wait for times, when I'm normal again, and can do that. But now I sit so long, that the seat on the chair, is stuck as I get up. The sun is shining, and everyone is happy. (?) But, when everything feels hard, I usually watch "Pretty Woman / Edarem" on YouTube.  Then, I will be happy again. He looks as desperate as I do in the mornings, but I hope I'm not like him. Now, I'm going to get up, and hopefully get something done. I think.

[[Ma...]]

Haha - you dream to get rid of stuff I dream of a room full of clothes that fit my (not) perfect body

No, I am kidding. If I were rich enough, I wouldn't hoard things either.  I would continue to have a few ones, but well... the expensive ones 

The kind of clothes that have one color and the pattern is so extra ordinary... oh.. yeah...that it doesn't matter you're shape is potato like.

 

 

[[Ma...]]

Good job Mary! I wait for times, when I'm normal again, and can do that. But now I sit so long, that the seat on the chair, is stuck as I get up. The sun is shining, and everyone is happy. (?) But, when everything feels hard, I usually watch "Pretty Woman / Edarem" on YouTube.  Then, I will be happy again. He looks as desperate as I do in the mornings, but I hope I'm not like him. Now, I'm going to get up, and hopefully get something done. I think.

 

U r really inspiring me lately! U r determined to get up and moooove.......

[[tr...]]

I'm in a hellish wave, so I don`t feel good at all. It has been 28 months since the last tablet, so the shit should be over. But CT after being polydrugged for 25 years is probably not the best choice of life. Or maybe? No. Baaaaahhhhh!

[[Es...]]

I'm in a hellish wave, so I don`t feel good at all. It has been 28 months since the last tablet, so the shit should be over. But CT after being polydrugged for 25 years is probably not the best choice of life. Or maybe? No. Baaaaahhhhh!

 

Hey Translator. The s**t will never be over. Great news. Addiction to any mood altering stuff is a disease for life. In English, they invented this silly word "dependence". BZD dependence. How it makes me laugh. So that people can delude themselves the problem is temporary. I’m unwell too. I cannot say I’m in a wave. I must be careful with words. Negative self-talk is a powerful method to change one’s life for the worse. I’m looking for solutions. But I’m unwell. Three months out. I went back on BZD after 11 yrs off them. This problem will never be fixed. One needs profound changes in the way of thinking, acting etc. I’m depressed, cause my expectations. Very high expectations. Don’t match reality. WTH should I expect after 4 years spent in a coma?!?!?! Damn it.

[[Es...]]

I have always wanted more, more, more... I’m never satisfied with what I’ve got. Never grateful for what I have achieved. I keep comparing myself to healthy people, who probably never took a BZD or an AD in their life. Whose brain chemistry is 100% normal. I keep wondering why I haven’t got what they have. Typical addictive thinking. This is how stepping out of the comfort zone and confronting life looks like. That’s how I went on BZD again. After 11 yrs off. Cause I wanted all they have. And more! It’s all very sad. As long as I cannot accept I will never be like healthy people. And have everything they have. I will be making myself sick... I just feel like crying. Must pull myself together. One needs to read all those horror stories about BZD addiction. In order to remind oneself how it used to be.

 

 

[[tr...]]

Estee: Many symptoms have been released, DR / DT, hallucinations and cramps.  And of course I'm grateful for that. During the first time, I thought I was stuck on the ceiling, with my palms and feet. Then got a feeling of falling through the bed, (along with a TV!) Now afterwards I can laugh at the misery, but not right then.

What bothering me right now, is benzo-flu, weakness and feeling sick. So, only physical symptoms remain. I have no fear, anxiety or intrusive thoughts. So psychologically, I feel strong. One day at a time, without ever ugly words!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[Es...]]

I also feel like 80% better. But my expectations are killing me. I have always been like that. I need to come back here to remind myself of my addictive disease. I have to go to meetings. I don’t see any difference between myself and a recovering alcoholic/drug addict. They didn’t really start that stuff to get "high". It is BS. They started it to escape from the suffering. I’m gonna read this book book everyday. I’ve got a paperback copy. I must work on my thinking and expectations before it is too late. This thread could as well be entitled "my mind is one big mess". Independently of how one’s home looks like. Many ppl live in very neat places. And they’re a mess in spite of it. Yeah, Translator. One day at a time. One needs to stay active. In spite of how one feels. Always be constructive. Not destructive. Progress is achieved by working on oneself daily... I didn’t do it for the last four years.

[[tr...]]

Sorry, if I'm negative, but now I'm starting to feel really depressed. I have been outdoors 5 times in 28 months, this is just not true!  I can`t do anything, Benzo-flu makes me completely powerless. But at least, I'm on the right side of the healing. This poison is out of the system, and just waiting for healing. So every day that goes is a success, and I'm approaching the goal. Has been bedridden for 27 months, and can now be up for shorter moments.

 

The days are slow, but at the same time very fast. On Thursday, they come with food, and I will be a dog guard. I have a Golden Retriever, and a Staff, but they now live with my ex. One is 11 years, and the other 14 months. So, I lose both the last and the first time with them.

It is completely incomprehensible, that you get so sick of stopping Benzo. I knew you became addicted, but a hell for several years, I had no idea. But it's as it is, and just to fight. How are you?

 

 

 

[[Es...]]

Sorry, if I'm negative, but now I'm starting to feel really depressed. I have been outdoors 5 times in 28 months, this is just not true!  I can`t do anything, Benzo-flu makes me completely powerless. But at least, I'm on the right side of the healing. This poison is out of the system, and just waiting for healing. So every day that goes is a success, and I'm approaching the goal. Has been bedridden for 27 months, and can now be up for shorter moments.

 

The days are slow, but at the same time very fast. On Thursday, they come with food, and I will be a dog guard. I have a Golden Retriever, and a Staff, but they now live with my ex. One is 11 years, and the other 14 months. So, I lose both the last and the first time with them.

It is completely incomprehensible, that you get so sick of stopping Benzo. I knew you became addicted, but a hell for several years, I had no idea. But it's as it is, and just to fight. How are you?

 

Have written like a dozen posts here. I’m feeling like I’ve regained a sense of identity. So it’s better. Time flies for me. I’m never bored. I don’t know what is boredom. Never experienced it in my whole entire life. The most difficult thing for me now is that time passes so quickly. And I finally can feel it. Cause I don’t use BZD to escape from it anymore. Four years of BZD nightmare passed like one second. I remember the Summer of 2013, when I was so unwell. I didn’t know that a year later I would go back on BZD. Relapse is a very slow process, taking several years. I remember that Summer as though it were yesterday.

 

What are the symptoms of your benzo-flu, Translator? I have stuffy nose and it’s driving me mad. But I use nasal sprays which help. I think it’s allergy. My most bothersome symptom is the deep feeling of frustration that my life is not as I want it to be. I have some social anxiety, I am depressed, but I don’t really care. My life is not as I want it to be. And I hate this fact. But right now all I am doing is sitting and whining about it. There will be no change without action.

 

My view is that the so-called "BZD dependence" is actually an addiction, like any other. It’s up to you whether you agree or not. In my native language, there is only one word for "addiction" and "dependence". And it is as it should be. Isn’t it the Big Pharma who invented the word "dependence"? I firmly believe that addiction is a lifelong disease. If one gets clean/sober, it is called "remission". But as long as one doesn’t change thinking and acting patterns. It’s very likely one will relapse. This was my case.

 

Don’t be sorry that you are negative. Who said you should be positive. I think it’s more reasonable to be positive. My negative self-talk has been f**cking me over for as long as I can remember. Time to break the cycle. But everyone chooses their attitude. I guess it pays off more to be positive. But in order to be positive one needs to be active.

 

Translator, don’t you have a person with whom you would feel safe enough to go out a bit? It’s always easier to go out with someone. Don’t beat yourself over the fact that you’ve been outside only 5 times during the last 28 mos. It’s something already. Don’t you have a terrace? Cause there’s probably no garden if you live in an appt. Couldn’t you go out with ppl that bring you food? To some quiet, friendly place? Just to change the environment a bit?

[[Gr...]]

Hi guys, I'm just catching up here.  That's so interesting Estee, about addiction and dependence being just one and the same word.  I think the problem with the addiction terminology is that addicts are demonized in American culture.  It is implied that you are a bad person with a bad soul, and don't deserve help, in America.  This whole process with benzos, has really opened my eyes to many things that I just accepted in my culture and looking at them with new eyes. 

 

Translator, that's great that you were doing well enough to clean the other day.  Please don't worry too much about what the food people think.  You have a very good reason to not be feeling good. 

 

I am having a tiny crisis now.  My landlords are doing a renovation in the kitchen.  I had to agree to this, when I asked them to stay a few months longer.  So here it is.  They are coming Thursday morning to tell me what needs to be done.  We are going to lose access to our kitchen, it is supposed to only be two days next week, but I don't know for sure.  But this means I have to move all my pots and pans and microwave and just everything.  Luckily my husband has been sharing the dish responsibility with me, so we are caught up with that. 

 

I still haven't even looked at the pants yet.  Now I am trying to clean up in other rooms to make room for the kitchen stuff.