My home is one big mess

[[Es...]]

in acute my apartment was like a boot camp course to get in and out......lurch out of bed, hop over the pizza box, around the clothes volcano, dont look at the kitchen, eyes down, fall over the chair and onto the couch. phew made it.

 

Sounds so familiar ;D

 

I can always find a reason to procrastinate... And avoid those empty dishes in the sink i.e.

 

Kitty sometimes looks at all this in disgust. But I think what bothers her the most is that she cannot always eat in her "restaurant" on the kitchen counter. Cause there are my dishes and mugs there...

 

She can find her way surprisingly well between different objects lying on the floor. She either navigates between them or hops above them. Wish I were so agile.

 

In acute I should have been better off as an antelope. Jumping over all the stuff strewn on the floor.

 

Wasn’t like this before the return on BZD, for sure.

[[Es...]]

I would probably be able to describe this mess much better in my native language. Well, I think you guys know what I mean. The picture is probably always more or less the same. Now off to bring some order out of chaos...

 

 

 

 

 

[[be...]]

My house is the same. By the time I clean it and then get fatigued, it’s dirty all over again. I go to friends homes instead.

[[Es...]]

Betsy, how nice to meet you on this thread I wasn’t messy before BZD WD. I believe change is always possible. An appropriate mindset, plan and action. Guess I should move from a state of "perfect inaction" to the state of "imperfect action".

 

[[tr...]]

I like this thread, it's good to see everything with humor!

 

You are so welcome home to me, but bring a protective helmet! Once a week, they come with food, and only I just have to let them in. I know I have to clean the day before, but I do not. Just before they come, I get around, in full panic, and push everything in the cabinets. As long as they are careful, the cabinet doors should not go up. Once did this happen (because they called the door?) and all of my clothes lay all over the floor. But there is worse!

[[Ma...]]

I like this thread, it's good to see everything with humor!

 

You are so welcome home to me, but bring a protective helmet! Once a week, they come with food, and only I just have to let them in. I know I have to clean the day before, but I do not. Just before they come, I get around, in full panic, and push everything in the cabinets. As long as they are careful, the cabinet doors should not go up. Once did this happen (because they called the door?) and all of my clothes lay all over the floor. But there is worse!

 

The last place we lived, almost 20 years ago we had a walk in pantry.  What I wouldn't give for one now, you could run around , grab everything and hide it in there.  Loved it

[[tr...]]

Mary: When I was translating this, it became very strange. What does it mean?

[[Ma...]]

Mary: When I was translating this, it became very strange. What does it mean?

 

A pantry is a closet in your kitchen for all your food, but if it's big enough, you can put a lot more into it.

[[Es...]]

Savinghope is offline. He’s probably cleaning and making his place nice and tidy... I’m wondering why BZD made all this happen. I was an extremely tidy and well-organized person. This is like some kind of a curse. Once this clutter gets out of control, it becomes more and more overwhelming. You guys are hoarders? I’m not even a hoarder anymore...

[[tr...]]

Since I live in Sweden, and is far away, I can be honest. My chemical anxiety, has meant I have not dared to be in the bedroom. That's why I've spent all my time on my couch. 2 years ago it was brand new, but now it looks like an old horse. That's why my bedroom has become a big, very messy wardrobe. It's almost, so the room can be included in "Extreme Collectors" (I don`t know what's in English). It's hard to open the door, and it's always locked when someone comes. In my horror fantasy they call,and say "it's an emergency, and we have to check the balcony". But how are they going to get there? It just can`t happen, I'll get out of the contract. I'll clean, tomorrow ......

 

Have you also had problems with chemical anxiety, and did not dare to be in the bedroom? This is just so crazy! (unfortunately, my smileys don`t work, but it's guaranteed they are crazy!). 

[[Es...]]

Since I live in Sweden, and is far away, I can be honest. My chemical anxiety, has meant I have not dared to be in the bedroom. That's why I've spent all my time on my couch. 2 years ago it was brand new, but now it looks like an old horse. That's why my bedroom has become a big, very messy wardrobe. It's almost, so the room can be included in "Extreme Collectors" (I don`t know what's in English). It's hard to open the door, and it's always locked when someone comes. In my horror fantasy they call,and say "it's an emergency, and we have to check the balcony". But how are they going to get there? It just can`t happen, I'll get out of the contract. I'll clean, tomorrow ......

 

Have you also had problems with chemical anxiety, and did not dare to be in the bedroom? This is just so crazy! (unfortunately, my smileys don`t work, but it's guaranteed they are crazy!). 

 

I’m not so far away... When my washing OCD was at its worst, I couldn’t almost do anything. That was the anxiety Valium gave me. I had a feeling everything was dirty, sticky... Had to wash my hands like fifty times a day. My washing OCD was caused by BZD. However absurd it sounds.

 

There must be some kind of solution to this. I never have enough time. I’m wondering why. I lost the habit of putting things away where they belong. I mean, once you get your house in order, the only problem is to keep it in order... Clean from time to time. I have never been obsessed with cleaning. I just want my appt. to be orderly again. One has to get rid of all that stuff that doesn’t "spark joy", as Marie Kondō says.

 

I think one needs to work on one room at a time... Even one part of the room at a time. It took me 4 yrs to arrive at this level of chaos. Will it take another 4 yrs to make my appt. orderly again? I’m overwhelmed by all this. I’m glad I’m not the only one with this problem.

 

In my place it’s kind of possible to live everywhere... I cannot really say more.

 

I mean ppl are reading this. I once went to a party and this guy had cobwebs in the bathroom... really. He was an alcoholic. Maybe there’s sth wrong with the reward system. I mean BZD screw it up just as booze does. I own many clothes... many pairs of shoes... At one point in my life I was a shopaholic. While on Lexapro.

 

I no longer am. I mean Prozac gives this "SSRI anxiety". I’m seeing myself homeless with my Kitty all the time. I am now obsessed with saving money. What if the bank goes bankrupt, for goodness sake.

 

There are lots of papers in my appt. An incredible amount of papers. I happen to be working as a translator. Those papers scare the hell out of me. I somehow cannot get rid of them. I always think I could use them one day...

 

One thing is in perfect order: books. I have a huge library and it’s intact. Could be also because I’ve been reading Kindle books on my iPad for the last 4 yrs. Yes, probably.

 

The remains of the past glory alternate with this mess everywhere. I’ve been a hoarder all my life, without realizing it. I’m not a hoarder anymore. But I must get rid of the stuff I’ve hoarded.

 

I shouldn’t post it. Is it cathartic? I mean is posting it gonna change anything?

 

Marie Kondō visits ppl who have cluttered houses. She helps them declutter. She makes lots of money and has incredibly long waiting list. I would never ever let this woman into my appt. She tells ppl to lay all their possessions on the floor. And then discard everything that doesn’t "spark joy." OMG. Cannot even think about it.

[[Ma...]]

Since I live in Sweden, and is far away, I can be honest. My chemical anxiety, has meant I have not dared to be in the bedroom. That's why I've spent all my time on my couch. 2 years ago it was brand new, but now it looks like an old horse. That's why my bedroom has become a big, very messy wardrobe. It's almost, so the room can be included in "Extreme Collectors" (I don`t know what's in English). It's hard to open the door, and it's always locked when someone comes. In my horror fantasy they call,and say "it's an emergency, and we have to check the balcony". But how are they going to get there? It just can`t happen, I'll get out of the contract. I'll clean, tomorrow ......

 

Have you also had problems with chemical anxiety, and did not dare to be in the bedroom? This is just so crazy! (unfortunately, my smileys don`t work, but it's guaranteed they are crazy!). 

 

Since I have started liquid titrating I don't have a lot of anxiety.  I keep a close watch on it and hold if I have to.  I have bad back problems though, going to physical therapy but just started so I am hoping for the best . Hope you have a good day translator 1000!

[[be...]]

Betsy, how nice to meet you on this thread I wasn’t messy before BZD WD. I believe change is always possible. An appropriate mindset, plan and action. Guess I should move from a state of "perfect inaction" to the state of "imperfect action".

 

:laugh:

 

Same here estee:

 

Before benzos I had this really nice home and kept it very clean. It made me feel good to know my place looked nice. After this, sometimes I just cannot keep up. And my new place is small compared to my old place. Like yesterday was a bad day for me. Bad. I mostly stayed in bed all day and the only thing I could manage to do was put on the dish washer. It took a lot of my energy just to empty it. And I kept putting off putting my trash outside, and finally did it at 10 p.m. Then I got too tired after that and went to bed. This bloody fatigue is killing me.

[[Gr...]]

Estee- Cobwebs on the toilet? 

 

I have not been a clean person in years now.  Is the fault of benzodiazepenes?  I think it is a lot.  I think it is also the constant anxiety I have had on them.  A while ago,  many many years ago,  I realized that I do love to have people over, so I decided to just not worry about things being clean.  Sometimes my anxiety would go down while they were over, and I could clean easier then, though that annoyed many guests who were like, why are you cleaning when I come over instead of talking to me?

 

We are going to move house this summer, and I am going to discover all the unkempt junk and dust I have in our place now. I'm so glad we are in a rental right now.  This is the 2nd apartment where I have had mushrooms sprout out of my backsplash, behind my kitchen sink.

[[be...]]

Estee- Cobwebs on the toilet? 

I have not been a clean person in years now.  Is the fault of benzodiazepenes?  I think it is a lot.  I think it is also the constant anxiety I have had on them.  A while ago,  many many years ago,  I realized that I do love to have people over, so I decided to just not worry about things being clean.  Sometimes my anxiety would go down while they were over, and I could clean easier then, though that annoyed many guests who were like, why are you cleaning when I come over instead of talking to me?

 

We are going to move house this summer, and I am going to discover all the unkempt junk and dust I have in our place now. I'm so glad we are in a rental right now.  This is the 2nd apartment where I have had mushrooms sprout out of my backsplash, behind my kitchen sink.

 

:laugh: I'm not that bad. I am glad I am not his friend and didn't have to view those cob webs. Time to up and vacuum!

[[Es...]]

GC, maybe cobwebs in the bathroom? I meant they were near the ceiling. It freaked me out as I’m scared of spiders. I’m not a native speaker of EN. Gonna edit my post. Those mushrooms behind the kitchen sink sound impressive.

 

Betsy, I’m also getting done next to nothing at home. I even have motivation. I just lack time. Guess I’m procrastinating terribly. Running away from household chores whenever I can.

 

I think this thread should be motivating. Maybe there’s a way for us to motivate ourselves to make our places tidy...

 

I guess I’m gonna start listening to Marie Kondō again on my wireless headphones, while doing household chores.

 

Isn’t "being messy" an addiction? We could form a group like "Messy People Anonymous". Share our knowledge and experience. And maybe break the addiction to being messy... I mean I have 4 yrs of my life to declutter and tidy up...

 

Okay, so it could be like this:

 

THE TWELVE STEPS OF MESSY PEOPLE ANONYMOUS:

 

The 1st Step - Acceptance:

 

1. Admitted we were powerless over the chaos in our homes - that our lives had become unmanageable.

 

The 2nd Step - Belief:

 

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

 

The 3rd Step - Decision:

 

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of the Higher Power as we understood It.

 

The 4th Step - Inventory:

 

4. Made a searching and fearless inventory of the messy habits we developed during our BZD use.

 

The 5th Step - Admitting our wrongs which led to the development of the messy habits:

 

5. Admitted to our Higher Power, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs - which led to the development of the messy habits.

 

The 6th Step - Readiness:

 

6. Were entirely ready to have our Higher Power remove all these defects of character.

 

The 7th Step - Asking the Higher Power for help:

 

7. Humbly asked our Higher Power to remove our shortcomings.

 

The 8th Step - Planning:

 

8. Made a list of all the messy places in our homes, and became willing to make amends to them all.

 

The 9th Step - Taking Action:

 

9. Made direct amends to such places wherever possible.

 

The 10th Step - Maintenance, out of Respect for ourselves and our belongings:

 

10. Continued to keep our homes in order and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

 

The 11th Step - Continuous Spiritual Improvement:

 

11. Sought through tidying, decluttering, cleaning and meditation to improve our conscious contact with our Higher Power, asking only for knowledge of Its will for us and the power* to carry that out.

 

*Power - understood here as method, motivation, energy, perseverance.

 

The 12th and last Step - Spiritual Awakening:

 

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to other messy people, and to practice these principles in all our actions at home.

 

Conclusion: I understand my Higher Power as the Universal Order of Things.

 

A Divine Presence, which also exists within me (i.e. all the body structure). And outside of me (the universal order of nature).

 

Getting in touch with my Higher Power will help me bring Order out of the Chaos that my Home has become.

 

Don’t know about you guys. But I’m gonna follow these Steps and see if they’re of any use. I may be modifying them with time. Given the success of various support groups based on The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, I think those Steps could help me.

 

My understanding of the Higher Power is spiritual, not religious. I’m an agnostic. If anyone wants to see their Higher Power as God, they are free to do it.

 

Will be now checking how these Steps work in practice. Any feedback and linguistic corrections are very much welcome.

 

 

Note: These Steps have nothing to do with any form of religion. They are only meant as a support tool for recovery from the messy habits caused by BZD dependence and WD. Whoever wants to consider these Steps from a religious point of view, does so within their own discretion.

[[Es...]]

I welcome any other recovery method that could help me. Just cannot think of one ATM... Gonna follow these and Marie Kondō teachings. And see how things develop... It’s certainly a process. Not sth that happens overnight. Took me 4 yrs to get to this point.

[[tr...]]

Estee: Thank you for your post!

It wasn`t like this before the withdrawal. I'm careful, and don`t stop cleaning until it's absolutely perfect. But right now, I'm climbing my things on the floor! I'm struggling my hair, what has happened, WHAT IS THIS!

But I'm ashamed, when it's messy here at home. I know it's crazy! But right now, just accept it, this is my home I will be proud of!  Maybe ......

[[be...]]

Sounds like someone knows the AA steps. Well I vacuumed the house last night and then put on some shoes that I have not worn in a long time and the heels crumbled black stuff all over. I have to get them cleaned but not sure if they are beyond hope.

[[tr...]]

I don`t recognize the AA steps. Is it taking one step at a time? Here it will be half, at best. Now I have washed 2 machines, and it should be picked out. Then I feel like I've been in a marathon run. When I was well, I ran to the basement and washed, no problem! This is really another world, is it true?

[[Gr...]]

Estee-  Thank you for recommending that book!  The Art of Tidying!  I got the audio book and now I am listening to Marie Kondo as well. 

 

I have been trying to do Fly-Lady for a while, but it has only made small improvements.  As I am listening to Marie Kondo's advice, it is starting to make sense why.  FlyLady's advice is similar, except, she wants you to always be making small moves, and nothing big or all at once.  Her theory is that you will get tired before you finish making everything perfect and quit. 

[[be...]]

I don`t recognize the AA steps. Is it taking one step at a time? Here it will be half, at best. Now I have washed 2 machines, and it should be picked out. Then I feel like I've been in a marathon run. When I was well, I ran to the basement and washed, no problem! This is really another world, is it true?

 

Hre are the AA steps. I know them by heart.

 

1.We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

 

2.Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

 

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

 

4.Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

 

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6.Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

 

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

 

9.Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

 

10.Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

 

11.Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

 

12.Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

[[Es...]]

Estee-  Thank you for recommending that book!  The Art of Tidying!  I got the audio book and now I am listening to Marie Kondo as well. 

 

I have been trying to do Fly-Lady for a while, but it has only made small improvements.  As I am listening to Marie Kondo's advice, it is starting to make sense why.  FlyLady's advice is similar, except, she wants you to always be making small moves, and nothing big or all at once.  Her theory is that you will get tired before you finish making everything perfect and quit.

 

GreenCup, so happy you like the book I’m currently reading/listening to another self-help one. Maybe I’ll switch to Marie Kondō today. Oh well, I’m still stuck in this mess. Now, the weekend has come. It will soon be gone. Time for a big cleaning, I guess. Let me see where I can start

[[Es...]]

Sounds like someone knows the AA steps. Well I vacuumed the house last night and then put on some shoes that I have not worn in a long time and the heels crumbled black stuff all over. I have to get them cleaned but not sure if they are beyond hope.

 

Betsy, every failure is success in progress The important thing is that you keep trying

[[Es...]]

I'm careful, and don`t stop cleaning until it's absolutely perfect. But right now, I'm climbing my things on the floor! I'm struggling my hair, what has happened, WHAT IS THIS!

 

But right now, just accept it, this is my home I will be proud of!

 

Translator, we strive for progress, not perfection. Climbing things on the floor sounds intriguing... I’ve been doing a lot of jumping for the last 4 yrs... I’m having ppl over tomorrow and on Wednesday.. Everything should be fine. I just need to clear out passages... Husband doesn’t mind the mess. He made bigger mess when he lived here. I suppose he sees neither me nor the mess

 

I’m kind of afraid of those other ppl next week... Must really get to work now. Little time left...

 

Yeah, one step at a time. One day at a time. Easy does it. Whatever... When I see this thread I start being conscious of my surroundings... The thing I’m trying to keep at the unconscious level all the time What was this Metallica song? Okay, "The Thing That Should Not Be". Kind of like this mess in my appt. Living its own life... Order out of Chaos, OMG. I really don’t know if these steps work.

 

BTW, Translator, you’re alive? Haven’t seen you here lately. I have a book on decluttering called "Buried in Treasures". I mean addiction to clutter may be lethal. Won’t go into details here. But if the fridge blocks the passage out of the house and there is fire... Some ppl keep several fridges or TV sets in their houses...