Healed after 12 years!

[[mi...]]

This is awesome news Mr.B also made me almost cry because I understand, we all do.

 

Thank you posting this.

 

Did you feel something set you back at 6 years off or just happened out of nowhere?

Something similar happened to me at 4 years. I was as bad as acute again.

[[st...]]

Thanks so much for posting that response Mr. B!  Really gives me hope.  I have held out for so long and then when I got slammed at the 6 year off mark and it was even worse than first getting off, I couldn't believe it.  And it's lasted most of the year.  I think at times that I am seeing slight improvements in this wave too but you know how the mind tricks us in this and at other times the healing is hard to see because it is so very slow.  I had even considered lately if I would have to go back on something just to live a normal life again but am starting to feel a bit better and your post has given me the strength to hang in here as long as it takes.  Your post came along at the time I needed it most.  Thanks again Mr. B!  I hope to write a story like yours soon!

[[Mr...]]

milan: When I was in withdrawal I used to blame all sorts of things for my symptoms and the severity of them. Looking back there was no real pattern to what was happening to me. It did what it wanted to do and I was not in control of any of it. When my symptoms intensified, I believe I just wasn't fully healed yet and anything and everything would have set me off.

 

Mr B.

[[pr...]]

milan: When I was in withdrawal I used to blame all sorts of things for my symptoms and the severity of them. Looking back there was no real pattern to what was happening to me. It did what it wanted to do and I was not in control of any of it. When my symptoms intensified, I believe I just wasn't fully healed yet and anything and everything would have set me off.

 

Mr B.

 

 

i am realizing the same thing about this withdrawal/healing trend. it will do whatever it wants and needs to do. i have no say in the matter except how i choose to react to it. the more i fight it and resist the symptoms i no longer want, the more they intensify. i've learned that the "withdrawal" needs to be left alone to do what it needs to do and that there is an intelligence to this window/wave pattern of healing. it's bizarre and quite a phenomenon that i wish they would research because it's very interesting. if a wave wants to come on for whatever reason, it will just do it and i can't stop it. and when a window hits out of nowhere i just try to stay as grateful as possible.

[[ma...]]

Ohhh Mr B.... I have spent the morning reading this whole thread & printing out a bunch of it.

I cant begin to say how grateful I am that you took the time to come back & give Protracted long timers -some hope.

I am at 6 years now, & definitely losing hope that I will ever feel well, or feel myself- again.

Maybe only those who have gone through this nightmare know- how horrific it can be,

& so your posts have a validity that is very powerful, & much needed.

Thank you, thank you!

 

I was 60 when I realized my low dose prescribed benzo was the cause of my sudden declining health.

I got help with a slow taper, & have been Benzo free these last 6 years. I am 66 now.

I have had a few windows of a few hrs every now & then, but have been mostly debilitated the rest of the time.

 

My question to you is about the physical.

I used to be very active, a gardener, hiker, builder, but when all this benzo wd hit -any physical activity seemed

only to rev of my already horrific symptoms & make things worse. Befor all this, exercise & movement made me happy.

As a result now, I have had to be very sedetary, & careful about what I do & when, but am now getting so weak that

just cooking a meal, or pulling a few weeds in the garden- exhausts me, & can lay me out for days.

My worry is "What will be left of me when this is all over?"

 

If you have any tips, or helpful ideas, I sure would appreciate it.

I am getting older & age is taking its own tole, but I dont want to be a complete cripple.

 

Thanks you for coming back.

It means so very much, especially to those of us who have suffered hard fo for many years

 

Blessings to you, & may your life continue to bring light to those in darkness, & joy to you- who has known such suffering.

 

margaretisabel

 

 

[[Sp...]]

Such an inspiring recovery story Mr B, that has given me some hope, as i still have a long way to go for full healing. I really hope you are enjoying life now, you really deserve it after what you went through.

[[Mr...]]

Thank you all for the well wishes!

 

Margaret:  You say  "What will be left of me when this is all over?" and I say to you that your body will bounce back from this. I cannot even begin to explain how extremely sick and unwell I was physically and mentally for many, many years. I looked like death...and if I had a before and after pic I would post it to show the amazing transformation I had made. My mind and body had healed itself just as they said it would...it just took some time. I can confidently say at this point that I am a much better version of myself and I suspect you, and many others here will feel the same when the time is right.

 

As far as tips go:  I pretty much said all I know about this crazy messed up syndrome earlier in this thread.

 

 

Mr B.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[Ni...]]

Mr. B,

Thank you.  I read the entire thread, which is full of hope and promise.  I was hit hardest with insomnia and wicked sleep disturbances, one of the worst cases on these forums.  I'm still struggling with insomnia at 27 months but thankful the sleep disturbances have subsided.  Like you, I also lost my career of 26 years, family members and friends. The scariest part of all this is not knowing if and when we will heal or worse when will the next big wave hit that takes one back to acute.  This has happened to me twice in my journey and honestly I dont think I can survive another disastrous wave.

 

You and your wife are lovely people, I wish you the best life has to offer. God bless you and your loved ones.

 

[Guest [...]]

Thank you all for the well wishes!

 

Margaret:  You say  "What will be left of me when this is all over?" and I say to you that your body will bounce back from this. I cannot even begin to explain how extremely sick and unwell I was physically and mentally for many, many years. I looked like death...and if I had a before and after pic I would post it to show the amazing transformation I had made. My mind and body had healed itself just as they said it would...it just took some time. I can confidently say at this point that I am a much better version of myself and I suspect you, and many others here will feel the same when the time is right.

 

As far as tips go:  I pretty much said all I know about this crazy messed up syndrome earlier in this thread.

 

 

Mr B.

 

 

Mr.B,I am so happy you are doing so well!!!

 

I know you are probably getting asked a lot of questions,so I hate to hit you with more!Sorry!

 

I was wondering if you had dizziness?Do you remember when it left?Any tinnitus,head pressure,DR,jaw pain?I am about 37 months off,and still bogged down with that rocky boat off balance feeling,with all the symptoms above.I also seem to struggle with exercise intolerance and some breathing stuff.

 

Do you remember when any of this stuff finally left for you?Thankyou Mr.B!

[[Mr...]]

Niners: Thank you very much for the kind wishes. Just hang in there and remain strong. If I can do this...everybody can.

 

2200: I at different times had all the symptoms you speak of. When a few symptoms would stop it would be replaced with a few more. It was such a cruel thing to wait for a particularly nasty symptom to subside and have it replaced with something even more distressing. But that is the crazy nature of this syndrome; no reason or rhyme as to why things are and when they will be over.

 

  I was very, very bad for a lot of years. I wont get into all the details of my experience, but I can tell all of you that there is not much here talked about that I don't understand. There are not many symptoms that I haven't experienced and cannot relate to.

 

All I can say is I had struggled on and off with many, many things over the years and to say when a certain group of symptoms finally ended is very hard for me because of the severe brain fog that I had. All I know for sure is the brain and body repair itself, and its just a matter of time 'till you reach the other side as I have. Also keep in mind that your journey most certainly will be shorter than mine.

 

 

            Kind regards,

 

                              Mr B.

 

 

[[an...]]

Hi Mr. B,

 

Wow you are amazing to have survived such a loooong withdrawal period but you made it! Thank you for coming back to bring encouragement. We definitely need it here.

 

My question is what did you do during all that time being symptomatic? Did you work? Did you just keep distracting yourself to no end everyday? I'm finding it hard to cope and the only thing that's helping me is distraction, distraction, and then more distraction. No supplements or even therapy has helped. I also cold turkeyed my medication and have been riding it very roughly the past 7 months now.

[[La...]]

Wow, congratulations to you!

 

You mentioned you were on Ativan, could you say what your dose was and how long you were on it??

 

My sister, who has Down Syndrome, had a horrific reaction to Ativan (it made her severe depression even worse) and she is having a terrible time getting off of it. And she was only on a low dose for a short time.  We are honestly terrified that this has permanently damaged her brain and that we may never get her back.  And we are nervous that b/c of the genetic differences and the weaknesses in biochemistry, it make take longer than she can bear to get better.

 

Thanks for sharing.  And again congratulations on surviving this horrible poison

[[Mr...]]

Anongrl:  I had a horrible back condition before I ever injested a benzo. When I went into tolerance withdrawal I swiftly applied for disability and on my back condition alone received it.

 

Distraction is key but... it always doesn't work, but we have to keep working at it, and working at it hard. If there was another way I certainly would have found it by now out of sheer desperation.

 

 

Laura: I was on that poisen for 5 years and up to 6mg. Every time I went in to my doctor with more benzo symptoms, he upped the dose and would say your anxiety is getting worse and this will help. If I only knew just what I was doing to myself at the time. I really thought I lost my mind and now I know the ativan took it..but I got it back.

 

 

Everyone gets their mind back in the end.

 

 

                              Kind regards,

 

                                                Mr B.

 

 

[[Ru...]]

Congratulations on your new found health. You certainly deserve it!

 

Just a few questions: Did you avoid eating sugar during withdrawal? Did you avoid caffeine? Did you take any supplements, and, if so, did they help or hinder your recovery? Could you feel relatively stable one hour and extremely unwell the next? What happened when you got viruses or bugs?

 

Thank you x

 

 

[[na...]]

Mr B,

 

Thank you for your story.

I am 13.5 years off and still sick.

Can i contact you ? I would mean alot for me.

I am 35 years old man.

Lost alot of hope.

 

Thank you.

 

Jan

[[na...]]

I do sleep all day. Extremely tired and not any power to think or do something.

[[Mr...]]

Hello Rubiks,

 

Thank you and everybody for the well wishes! 

 

I ate sugar now and then, and drank 1-2 cups of coffee a day and noticed no discernible spike in any of my symptoms. My symptoms had a mind of their own and I never could see any type of pattern. I also had no known vitamin deficiencies and was told to simply eat a healthy diet and that should provide me with what I needed nutritionally.

 

Early on in my withdrawal I blamed almost everything for my spikes in my symptoms. Looking back I think it was a combination of a misfiring brain and the need to believe that I was somehow in control of what was happening to me.

 

Also when I got sick I got deadly sick. Simple colds were like the flu x10 for me. This thing really messes with every aspect of human life, don't it?

 

 

 

 

Hello naam,

 

13+ years is a tuff road my friend. I can really sympathize with what your going through. Just keep in mind that the more you fight this and fear the symptoms the worse they become. Also understand that benzo damage reverses in time and it took me an awful long time to feel well again.                                       

 

Send me a PM if you would like, and I'II see what I can help you with.

 

 

 

Kind Regards,

 

                    Mr B.

 

 

[[st...]]

So glad Mr B that you are fully healed after such a long struggle. At what point in your recovery did you start having an occasional drink?

[[ra...]]

If it takes 12 years, kill me now.

[[Fi...]]

Ramcon, the point is, Mr. B got WELL.  He was very ill.  NEVERTHELESS....HE AND HIS WIFE PERSISTED.  Please don't try to argue with success.  I believe his is one of the most inspiring stories posted here.

[[ra...]]

My bad.  I am in a BAD wave.  Please accept my apologies.

[[Fi...]]

Sorry you're feeling so bad.  These long timelines of healing can be frightening, but to others, the fact that the person eventually DID heal, despite this, is inspiring. 

[[Mr...]]

Hello all,

 

These long timelines can certainly be frightening, they were to me in the very beginning, but understand they are not the norm. Don't think timeline, THINK RECOVERY!

 

I only came back here to fill a void of no long term success story's, and I didn't want to cause any fear at all. I know how frightened I felt before I spoke to anybody who recovered after a long time. The old timers helped me immensely and I truly feel obligated  (at least for a bit!)  to return that favor and share my story with others.

 

As far as an occasional drink goes, it was around 10 years 'till it even crossed my mind. Keep in mind that when you suffer as I did.. a drink is the last thing one thinks of. Before this nightmare experience I loved to drink, I loved a good time just like the next guy. Since recovery, life has taken on a different meaning to me. Altering my consciousness is the last thing I would ever want to do. I say this not out of fear, but out of a new found love for life.

 

 

Kind regards,

 

                    Mr B.

 

 

[[sp...]]

Thanks for that story it means so much,I am over 7 years Benzo free and still have really bad days.

  Best regards Terry.

[[He...]]

Hi

 

Again, you deserve enjoy the rest of your life in peace

 

Did you have existential obcessions And OCD thoughts?