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Healed after 12 years!


[Mr...]

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I'm coming up on 12 years benzo free. On may 5, 2005 I was cold turkeyed in the hospital. It was the most horrific and unforeseen event in my life and it has changed me as a human being forever. Slowly, very slowly over 1-5 benzo free years my symptoms waxed and waned until at 5 years benzo free my life was about 80% of what I was pre-benzo. Life was good but not great for a few months. The unrelenting horror, mental anguish and general displeasure for life had abated but the physical symptoms were still alive and well... just milder and I expected them to all abate as well as time marched on.

 

  At almost 6 years benzo free the flood gates reopened again and I was cast back into what I would call acute benzo withdrawal! It was just as bad as the beginning if not worse... as a matter of fact a lot worse! All the progress I made was suddenly gone and I was left a 40 year old man with a wife and two kids, a beautiful home crying on the floor with no hope for a future. It nearly broke me as a human being and I was ready to give up.

 

  Luckily I had tremendous support from the person I had been with my whole life...My loving wife. She knew me since high school and knew that this was not the man she married. Luckily she believed in me because I didn't and at 6 years I didn't think recovery was possible. I thought I had permanent brain damage from the ativan and I would never recover.

 

  My wife got busy and contacted many people on my behalf.  Una Corbett, Barry Haslam, Baylissa Frederick (Bliss), and even to professor Ashton herself! They 'ALL' said to my amazement 'HE WILL RECOVER' and 'THIS SOMETIMES HAPPENS'. She even made an account here to talk to people on my behalf (I was too unwell to post then). I'm Mr. B by the way!

 

  The symptoms were very hard up until 11 years benzo free and right now at almost 12 years benzo free my life is brilliant!!!  I can see the light again and feel love, joy, and happiness. I'm 47 years old and have a new lease on life and you will too. Please people believe in recovery...BELIEVE!!!

 

  It happens for 'EVERYBODY' given time and staying off  benzos and 'ALL' chemical crap!

 

  Mr. B

 

 

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Wow ! It took you 12 years . Gosh that's too much , now I am scared , I've been miserable since I got on and off this drugs . My life has been dark since 2005, I really pray I heal asap . Good job for holding on tight for that long . Wow .
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Please don't be scared! I really think I'm a worst case scenario. For most people it's just a few years. In the years I was sick it wasn't all bad. I had lots of windows and it made me a stronger as a person.

 

Nothing scares me right now, NOTHING! and I couldn't love life more!

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CONGRATULATIONS!!! It's wonderful to hear from people this far out. Thank you for posting!!!

 

I'm so glad that you stuck with it!!!  :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

 

Have a wonderful life!!! :smitten:

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Hi, Mr B  your success story really scares me, but I think for some BB here will give a huge hope!

Wow I'm completely shocked it can take this many years and you were able to hold on.

You are a very strong man and thanks God for partner like yours and mine.

Hoping for me and all of us is not going to take this long, but if it will I will remember your post and it will give me hope.

Wishing you a very happy life feeled with love and laughs.

Praying and hoping

Vica

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You are very welcome Terry, you will have a wonderful life as well, I guarantee it!

 

Vica, Don't be afraid this could be gone tomorrow for you! everybody is different! I was one of the unlucky 2% that takes a very long time but we get there too! This will not take as long for you!

 

You will be just fine!

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Your story is remarkable, Mr B.  And thank you for sharing it with us.  It is very positive even though you have taken so long to recover.  I hope you will be able to enjoy your life to the full now after losing so many years to benzo withdrawal.  Your wife is amazing and so are you. 

 

I wish you every happiness, both of you.

 

Fiona  :smitten:

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Thank you very much lookingforward for the kind words. I'm just all too happy to share some good news and help some people in the same way I was helped. In my darkest hours I would read and re-read letters that my wife printed from prof. Ashton, Barry Haslam, Bliss, and Una Corbett. They are all wonderful people and the knowledge they possess on benzo withdrawl saved my life.
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Thank you Mr. B for posting . As 10 months out I'm currently in a 3 week horrible wave since I jumped . I started to lose hope and thinking I have permanent brain damage and won't heal . Your story gives me hope but I hope that I won't take that long because I can't handle that long .

 

Tracy

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Thank you Mr. B. It's really good to hear from someone that was in a similar situation, who felt recovered, then got slammed again and went on to heal. I had a similar experience, being hit with acute symptoms after thinking I was in the clear. I felt pretty good for around 3 years, then got hit hard about a year and a half ago. It's good to have further validation that this will end for good one day. Thanks again; you give me great hope. I'm glad you finally have your life back! Best wishes; Peter.
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So good to read this, I'm very happy for you and thank you so much for coming back to share with the rest of us, it means a lot.

 

I'm wondering if you can expand on the physical symptoms you suffered with.  And have they abated 100%?

 

Congrats again to you, wishing you and your wife all the best.

 

:smitten:

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Mr. B,

 

Wow fantastic to hear that you are 100% (probably 110%, right?)  :clap: :clap: :clap:  Congratulations!

 

Your story is a testament in courage and perseverance! It is also a tale of warning; cold-turkey is not a good way to stop benzo use at all!  PAWS, Prolonged acute withdrawal syndrome is very real as a result of CT and some people have it.

 

I am also so inspired by the love and support of your wife  :smitten:  Many of us could never have made it through this without that love and support.. It made my marriage stronger, God truly does work in mysterious ways...  :angel:

 

Again Mr. B, congratulations on getting your life back. And thank you for the beautifully encouraging and inspiring words of success!

 

Wilson  :thumbsup:

 

 

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Streaming tears.  :'(  Your story means so much.  Thank you and also thank you to Mrs. B. for supporting you.  I want so bad to be better too.

 

Mr. B., I have a question, did it just suddenly lift one day?  It happened to me a few months ago for the evening ... I was in heaven to feel normal.  I remember it so well, I just laid on the couch and read a book like a normal person without one single care in the world.  :'(  I am so tired of feeling so horrid and so injured and so damaged.

 

Thank you for the hope.  :smitten:

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Thank you all for the kind words and well wishes! 

 

Whoopsie My symptoms would come and go for the last couple years but everytime they came back they were less intense until they just vanished. I still can't believe it myself!

 

abcd If you go through my history I'm sure my wife listed my worst symptoms. As far as what is left for the physical symptoms I can't really know for sure what is benzo related and what is just normal aging. All I can say is I feel like a 'NORMAL' 47 year old man and life is good again!

 

Mr B.

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awesome Mrs. B! :smitten:

 

 

i am not scared by this because i truly believe i am the worse case scenario. i am 5 years and still with horrible head symptoms and full body squeezing, crushing, pressure neuropathy, everywhere i am totally confined and restrained. it's like my whole body and brain is still in shackles. Matt Samet says it best in his "death grip"...

 

although i have had some pretty good improvements and a few partial windows i am now so sick of not being able to be back fully in my life and i have so much to do and catch up on. i am a long time user but mostly too many cold turkey and rapid taper attempts one after another for years upon years. i am pretty sure that has hurt me more than just being on the benzo's.

 

i talk with both Una and Baylissa all the time for support. i really hope one day i can see the light and feel love again. i am truly happy for you and thank you for coming back here and sharing this with all of us. :)

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Thank you all for the kind words and well wishes! 

 

Whoopsie My symptoms would come and go for the last couple years but everytime they came back they were less intense until they just vanished. I still can't believe it myself!

 

abcd If you go through my history I'm sure my wife listed my worst symptoms. As far as what is left for the physical symptoms I can't really know for sure what is benzo related and what is just normal aging. All I can say is I feel like a 'NORMAL' 47 year old man and life is good again!

 

Mr B.

 

Thank you for responding to my question,  you have really given me and several other protracted peeps some much needed hope today.  I am so happy for you.  Please be very cautious with what you put in your mouth.  Have a great life, you sure deserve it Mr. B.

 

:highfive:

 

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So happy to hear that you healed after so many years...Mr B.  I was a cold turkey several times....and the last time was horrific.  I reinstated after 3 months and tapered. It has been 6 years of slowly healing with setbacks along the way. I had to take antibiotics for a tick bite and then prednisone for back and hip pain that followed.  Prednisone has side effects and also withdrawal symptoms which added more misery that I did not need. 

Your success story gives hope to the protracted who are still waiting to heal.

Thank you for giving us hope !!!!!!!!!! :smitten:

 

 

 

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Thanks very much for coming back to share your healing. Wishing you all the best in your healed life, you've given a lot of hope with your story. What a wonderful wife you have!

 

:smitten:

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Thanks you so much for posting this....this is amazing.  My favorite success stories are the extremely long and protracted ones,  it really tells me to never give up hope.  I saw you had hyperacusis, tinnitus and vision problems.  These are huge plagues for me, especially the auditory issues and at their worst can be disabling.  So are you healed from these now?

 

Thanks again,

Rob

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Mr. B,

 

Once again, I am so happy for you and I am grateful for the inspiration and hope.  Just out of curiosity, have you dared to try alcohol yet?  I think that will be the ultimate test for me.

 

PFG

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Thank you all very, very much for all the well wishes!

 

Robk  I had tinnitus before I ever took benzos but, the benzo withdrawal made it much worse. In my honest opinion I feel my tinnitus is back to normal (if you can call tinnitus normal!) and it don't bother me at all after this nightmare!  as far as the hyperacusis and vision problems they are gone completely for the first time in almost 12 years!

 

pain forces growth  I have an occasional drink now and then and no problems at all. I don't drink like I used to not out of fear but, because I love feeling normal again and altering my consciousness just don't appeal to me at all anymore.

 

Take care all!

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Congrats and Thank you Mr B for coming back and giving us hope that healing does happen. This is just what I needed to read today. At 6 1/2 years out I sometimes lose hope that I will get better. Your story tells us to never give up hope and I like that.
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