Health Anxiety

[[2t...]]

Hi Everyone,

 

My health anxiety is getting on my nerves.   

 

I'm very fearful of all meds/pharmaceuticals/supplements since this benzo debacle. Makes sense, right? So now I'm TERRIFIED to get the flu shot....and equally TERRIFIED of not getting it and getting the flu.  Every time someone in my house sneezes I panic and ask them if they feel sick. Is it possible to get on your own nerves? I think it is.

 

Ugh.

 

I got a flu shot a couple of weeks ago, no problems.

I understand about the getting on your own nerves, I get on my own sometimes with just wishing this would be over.

[[Re...]]

I just checked my bp and it was 99/58 one of them is in the low end. Makes me paranoid!

 

 

So all my blood work came back fine. Except slightly elevated in bilirubin and slightly low vitamin d.

[[fi...]]

Hi Everyone,

 

My health anxiety is getting on my nerves.   

 

I'm very fearful of all meds/pharmaceuticals/supplements since this benzo debacle. Makes sense, right? So now I'm TERRIFIED to get the flu shot....and equally TERRIFIED of not getting it and getting the flu.  Every time someone in my house sneezes I panic and ask them if they feel sick. Is it possible to get on your own nerves? I think it is.

 

Ugh.

 

Yes I think we'll do get frustrated with ourselves. I had my heart check today .. she was very pleased with things. My BP spiked like it always does at 156/88 when ever near a doctor or specialist.. never mind that I had taken it last week for the whole week three times a day to get an average for her. Never mind that she said she thought my figures were way more accurate..never mind she thought I was way more healthier than last year......all I can fixate on tonight is the 156/88 ..... one reading .... crazy crazy crazy !

 

I'm sure you know this - but there is a real syndrome called "White Coat" in which you can have elevated BP in the Dr. office -

 

My health anxiety gets on my nerves too - (and my husbands) - but at this point I'm more fearful of Dr's than health problems........sigh

 

I did have my lumps on the back of my neck checked out - she thought they were nothing but enlarged lymph nodes but didn't think they were serious - couldn't find a reason for them - I'm pretty sure it's either withdrawal or Thyroid related

 

Ah now how about this one? Anyone have a dry scaly rash? It started on my back and neck.....has now migrated around to my chest and my FACE - I'm pretty sure its thyroid related but wonder if it could be Benzo??

[[Ki...]]

Hi Fight,

 

Yes, to the rash. Mine started 4 days ago on my chin. Dry, scaly, skin-tone (not red). Slightly itchy but not really. No idea what it is. Don't really care at his point either 

 

Are we having fun, yet? 

[[fi...]]

Hi Fight,

 

Yes, to the rash. Mine started 4 days ago on my chin. Dry, scaly, skin-tone (not red). Slightly itchy but not really. No idea what it is. Don't really care at his point either 

 

Are we having fun, yet? 

 

Well,  I'm not sick enough to have lost my vanity (not yet, anyway......) - the rash thing is REALLY bothering me! Mine isn't red either (knock on wood) but scaly, weird feeling.......OH lord - ok, well that's one Dr I'm not afraid of - The dermatologist! Maybe I'll get some botox while I'm there too!

[[Fe...]]

I have found my health anxiety is getting overall better. I guess repeatedly being sick from being a substitute teacher is starting to desensitize me to the being sick stress as much. I ended up in the ER with cramps worse than any menstrual cramps ever only to find out this has been going around. I thought I had had it already from a Preschooler throwing up on me but I guess I was wrong.

 

I lost all my jobs this week because I was sick so I'm sad. Also medicine interactions set off a destabilization effect.

[[fi...]]

I'm having lots of that chemical like terror when I wake up or especially if I'm tired and try and lay down for a nap - I'm worried that it is a really bad sign for the progression of my taper - that I'm completely kindled - where is a good place to post about it? I'm thinking this isn't the correct thread......

 

This shit is really interfering with my ability to be a wife and a mother! I am SO angry right now that I EVER took that first Klonipin - what in the WORLD was I THINKING? I wake up each morning in a nightmare I can't undo and I'm just angry

 

Anyone have thoughts of a place to vent this........

 

Sorry

[[Gr...]]

I'm having lots of that chemical like terror when I wake up or especially if I'm tired and try and lay down for a nap - I'm worried that it is a really bad sign for the progression of my taper - that I'm completely kindled - where is a good place to post about it? I'm thinking this isn't the correct thread......

 

This shit is really interfering with my ability to be a wife and a mother! I am SO angry right now that I EVER took that first Klonipin - what in the WORLD was I THINKING? I wake up each morning in a nightmare I can't undo and I'm just angry

 

Anyone have thoughts of a place to vent this........

 

Sorry

 

Fight, with my taper I've found that I can get a new symptom at any time. And they all seem to have a mind of their own - they come and go, get stronger and weaker - all without rhyme or reason. Just hang in there and tell yourself that it will pass - because it will.  This is VERY hard, but you can do it and all of us will be here for you.

[[Bu...]]

Hi Fight,

 

So very sorry that you are in a bad wave, they pass, my thoughts.

 

Try not to be angry or allow any negative energies to dwell within your mind. I know this is easier said than done. Anger, sadness and especially guilt are vexations to the spirit and only further increase the fight or flight response in our CNS, flooding us with detrimental chemicals and their effects. Count your blessings to force out negative thoughts.

 

I believe that for anything to change even miracles to happen we need 3 things; desire, belief and expectation, all three must be present. Of course we have the desire to be well, we believe that it is possible, but we also must expect the changes we desire.

 

Try to always think positively. When negative thoughts about never healing and all of the pain we are in infiltrate and take away our peace say to yourself "I know that this will pass, I will heal and get better in time. I forgive myself and others who put me in this predicament. Everyday in every way I am healing a little at a time. I may have a few bad times along the way but I will beat this and heal completely in time."

 

Remember that thoughts are things... If we close our eyes and imagine we are biting in to a big fat juicy sour lemon, we will begin to salivate. If we sit and think about our greatest fear our pulse and blood pressure will surely rise. Negative thoughts manifest physically.

 

Pray often and ask God to help you. Allow God's healing light and energy to flood through you and wash away the pain and correct all imbalances in your brain.

 

I have posted these a few times. They were very helpful to me at my darkest hour. Just relax, deep breathe and listen.

 

All the best to you My Buddy, My prayers have been sent,

 

 

Wilson 

 

 

“Letting go of anxiety”

“Be Still”

“Loving Kindness”

“God’s Protection” 

“lord’s Prayer” 

“Heal Thyself” 

“Balloons”

 

[[fi...]]

Grandma and Wilson - Thank you - Thank you both for your support and prayers......I def. need an attitude adjustment today - Its been brutal - I think I need to back away from the computer - take my son to the orthodontist and try and just focus on being a normal mom today........at least for the next few hours

 

It just boggles the mind that dr's prescribe these horrific medications to slightly stressed out stay at home mom's or people with mild sleep issues - It boggles the mind - It's akin to killing flies with a nuclear bomb - and the collateral damage is unreal - (I'm speaking to my children and family here) - Psychiatry is broken.  And it's my own fault for ever darkening the doors of one - If I could change ONE thing in my life - that day in November of 2010 - I'd wipe it clean - Psychiatrists along with the ever expanding DSM simply play Whack-A-Mole with everyday emotions - What kind of world do we live in where being SHY is now considered a MENTAL ILLNESS (social anxiety disorder) - It's insane - and dangerous...............

 

Ok - BREATHE, BREATHE..... I'm going to back away from the computer now!!  SORRY!!

 

Thank you both sweet friends

[[Bu...]]

Grandma and Wilson - Thank you - Thank you both for your support and prayers......I def. need an attitude adjustment today - Its been brutal - I think I need to back away from the computer - take my son to the orthodontist and try and just focus on being a normal mom today........at least for the next few hours

 

It just boggles the mind that dr's prescribe these horrific medications to slightly stressed out stay at home mom's or people with mild sleep issues - It boggles the mind - It's akin to killing flies with a nuclear bomb - and the collateral damage is unreal - (I'm speaking to my children and family here) - Psychiatry is broken.  And it's my own fault for ever darkening the doors of one - If I could change ONE thing in my life - that day in November of 2010 - I'd wipe it clean - Psychiatrists along with the ever expanding DSM simply play Whack-A-Mole with everyday emotions - What kind of world do we live in where being SHY is now considered a MENTAL ILLNESS (social anxiety disorder) - It's insane - and dangerous...............

 

Ok - BREATHE, BREATHE..... I'm going to back away from the computer now!!  SORRY!!

 

Thank you both sweet friends

 

Oh Fight,

 

You are so very welcome sweetheart. We are all in this together and share a special bond that transcends everything... Just a thought. I have found that many people who end up in psychiatry sessions and sometimes on benzos are very kind and gentle people. They (we) seem to take the day to day problems, pettiness and meanness often found in the world too seriously, they internalize external stimuli... For the time being and at least during taper become a little selfish and care less about the issues in the world and even our life's in general, let it all go, it will all work out.

 

I have a good friend who once joked "I used to care so much about what other people felt about me and my life and I was miserable. Now I don't give a shit and I am happy as a pig in poop." 

 

I agree with you. As much as I love Benzobuddies, I often find that some of the posts are so sad and even discouraging, the negativity, hopelessness and paranoia can be contagious. Many of us are so empathetic that it can bring us down. I stayed away completely most of the way through my taper, only popping in from time to time. Again allow only goodness and positive thoughts and light to chase away the darkness.

 

Finally, look forward to the day when you are all better and you can take all of these experiences and effect change wherever you can, help others and be a powerhouse of love and support. But first and now just be a Mom who needs to heal and get better, BBFN (Buh Bye For Now).

 

With warm regards and healing thoughts, Your buddy, 

 

Wilson

[[fi...]]

Grandma and Wilson - Thank you - Thank you both for your support and prayers......I def. need an attitude adjustment today - Its been brutal - I think I need to back away from the computer - take my son to the orthodontist and try and just focus on being a normal mom today........at least for the next few hours

 

It just boggles the mind that dr's prescribe these horrific medications to slightly stressed out stay at home mom's or people with mild sleep issues - It boggles the mind - It's akin to killing flies with a nuclear bomb - and the collateral damage is unreal - (I'm speaking to my children and family here) - Psychiatry is broken.  And it's my own fault for ever darkening the doors of one - If I could change ONE thing in my life - that day in November of 2010 - I'd wipe it clean - Psychiatrists along with the ever expanding DSM simply play Whack-A-Mole with everyday emotions - What kind of world do we live in where being SHY is now considered a MENTAL ILLNESS (social anxiety disorder) - It's insane - and dangerous...............

 

Ok - BREATHE, BREATHE..... I'm going to back away from the computer now!!  SORRY!!

 

Thank you both sweet friends

 

Oh Fight,

 

You are so very welcome sweetheart. We are all in this together and share a special bond that transcends everything... Just a thought. I have found that many people who end up in psychiatry sessions and sometimes on benzos are very kind and gentle people. They (we) seem to take the day to day problems, pettiness and meanness often found in the world too seriously, they internalize external stimuli... For the time being and at least during taper become a little selfish and care less about the issues in the world and even our life's in general, let it all go, it will all work out.

 

I have a good friend who once joked "I used to care so much about what other people felt about me and my life and I was miserable. Now I don't give a shit and I am happy as a pig in poop." 

 

I agree with you. As much as I love Benzobuddies, I often find that some of the posts are so sad and even discouraging, the negativity, hopelessness and paranoia can be contagious. Many of us are so empathetic that it can bring us down. I stayed away completely most of the way through my taper, only popping in from time to time. Again allow only goodness and positive thoughts and light to chase away the darkness.

 

Finally, look forward to the day when you are all better and you can take all of these experiences and effect change wherever you can, help others and be a powerhouse of love and support. But first and now just be a Mom who needs to heal and get better, BBFN (Buh Bye For Now).

 

With warm regards and healing thoughts, Your buddy, 

 

Wilson

 

Thank you Wilson and I'm sorry for blowing up on the "Health Anxiety" board......clearly this all belongs somewhere else......

 

for the record - I don't have social anxiety disorder and I'm not shy either - it was just an example of how broken Psychiatry is  - anyone read "Saving Normal"?? Great book.......I took these drugs for anxiety related to a specific life event for about 2 months, I've always been tightly wired but never needed medicating really - Once promised they were safe, they were GREAT.....in the past I just dealt with it like the rest off the world.... - when the event was over,  I asked the Dr. if they were safe to take at night to sleep - and get this - I didn't have INSOMNIA - I had poor self CONTROL and would sit on the computer, talk on the phone or read far too late at night once I got my kids to bed - I just needed incentive to put everything down and get in bed at a reasonable hour - and he told me this was a SAFE ALTERNATIVE??? How about "Benadryl would be better"??

 

Thank you - again........

 

I guess we should get back to "Health Anxiety"  Thanks for entertaining my rambling and thank you for the great feedback.......

[[Bu...]]

Fight,

 

You are too funny, you are not rambling just venting. You know from PM's that I think the world of you... And I do think that this is a fine place to post all of this... Yep psychiatry does need to quit doling out the meds. Don't even get me started with ritalin and trying to turn little boys and natures ways into mushy little jello brains. GP docs need some straightening out as well, the US has 5% of the worlds population yet consume 60% of all pain meds globally... 

 

But ultimately we are our best advocates and should trust but verify everything that we are told even form physicians. I was told the same thing about Xanax for sleep, "you'll be fine you're only taking it for sleep." I asked about it at every annual visit, "No problem here's another script." Then BLAMO all hell broke loose. 

 

Okay now I'm venting, it does feel kind of good, in spite of my own advice... 

 

Healing and blessings kiddo, 

 

Wilson

[[bo...]]

@[fi...]

I know I am doing well with my taper , and it will be two years in February .. TWO YEARS with another one to go.. I can feel my BP rising just thinking about that !

Take care my friendx

[[bo...]]

@[Wi...]

Loved your post and in particular what you had quoted your friend had said. I think a lot of us are sensitive souls who care too much at times what others think of us.. I am slowly getting past that and caring more about me. Learning to say No and not feel guilty ..

I also agree that sometimes benzobuddies can be a weight .. a good weight but a weight of negativity at times.. depends where you yourself are in the process. Overall tho it has been a lifesaver for me.. but like the original reason I went on benzos oh so long ago at the advice of my doctor l I can't run my taper at the advice of others as well .. does that make a little bit of sense?

I need to listen to what others say and take in board or discard what's not relevant to me..  it's ok .. I can be in charge of my own life now .. for example.I have decided to 'hold' where .I am until after the holidays .. no matter if that's good or bad or right or wrong , it's what .I've decided I'm doing and .I'm doing it!

Thanks so much for your input . I got a lot out of it ..

BB.

[[bo...]]

Grandma D ... I know what you mean about a new sympton at any time.! The last week or so have had a tic on one side of my face and by night time it can be quite bad causing pins and needles.. of course it's a stroke !! But its not .. its just a nervous tic .. not there in the morning but increases during the day .. it will pass .. meantime .I'm not thinking about it too much .. I remember these facial tics from my younger days but haven't thought of them for ages .. funny ..

 

If I don't give it too much attention it will pass I'm sure ... just something else to contend with for now !xx

[[fi...]]

@Wilson

Loved your post and in particular what you had quoted your friend had said. I think a lot of us are sensitive souls who care too much at times what others think of us.. I am slowly getting past that and caring more about me. Learning to say No and not feel guilty ..

I also agree that sometimes benzobuddies can be a weight .. a good weight but a weight of negativity at times.. depends where you yourself are in the process. Overall tho it has been a lifesaver for me.. but like the original reason I went on benzos oh so long ago at the advice of my doctor l I can't run my taper at the advice of others as well .. does that make a little bit of sense?

I need to listen to what others say and take in board or discard what's not relevant to me..  it's ok .. I can be in charge of my own life now .. for example.I have decided to 'hold' where .I am until after the holidays .. no matter if that's good or bad or right or wrong , it's what .I've decided I'm doing and .I'm doing it!

Thanks so much for your input . I got a lot out of it ..

BB.

 

BB - thanks for all this and the post above - I for one don't care at all what others think about me, really - to my husbands despair (when I boldly state my opinions at cocktail parties  ) but I do feel deeply for others - and I have a hard time watching and reading some of the despair on this forum - as far as my own situation - I care more about what people think bc of how it will effect my children - socially - I live in a bubble sort of - and people in general have no concept of what this Benzo thing is - "Surely she was abusing the drugs - Surely she is a pill popper" and the rumors go........I want to protect my kids as much as I can - and as I become less and less involved in our community - eye brows are raised......adn I'm just not myself like I used to be (outgoing, witty, etc) - Many people have looked at me sort of sideways and I've been forced to try and explain my situation to a few mom's in my community and its hard to make the point without sounding crazy......

 

As far as BB goes - i do need to push back - but its just like Facebook for me - I feel guilty not "liking" everyones posts who have "liked" mine! but I'm going to try and back away a little bit - get a little more grounded - bc other than my thyroid issues - I think I'm OK right now - nothing horrid is happening - I think I can do this - kindled or not!

 

Thank you so much for your support - really - means a lot and you are so right - this is a great thread with a lot of very nice, seemingly grounded people - I'm glad I found it

 

Happy weekend everyone - wishing you all a symptomless or as symptomless as possible weekend!

[[Gr...]]

Grandma D ... I know what you mean about a new sympton at any time.! The last week or so have had a tic on one side of my face and by night time it can be quite bad causing pins and needles.. of course it's a stroke !! But its not .. its just a nervous tic .. not there in the morning but increases during the day .. it will pass .. meantime .I'm not thinking about it too much .. I remember these facial tics from my younger days but haven't thought of them for ages .. funny ..

 

If I don't give it too much attention it will pass I'm sure ... just something else to contend with for now !xx

 

You are right Bertie - they do pass with time. It's the wait to see if they do that's a killer for me. But if I'd gone to the doc every time a new symptom showed up I'd have been there a lot.

[[bo...]]

Some of you will have heard about the massive earthquake we experienced in New Zealand in the early hours of this morning ...

It was terrifying.. I took nearly half of a 1 mg tab at 3 am .. these were exceptional circumstances...

The after shocks continue.. no sleep .. but no more extra dose.

You do what you have to do at times like this ...kia kaha

BB

[[Ki...]]

Oh, BB. I'm so glad you're okay. My husbands sister lives in Christchurch, getting her doctorate in Climate Change. We were emailing/calling her frantically today. She is fine, thank goodness. I'm sorry that you had to experience that, I'm sure you're still upset. Try and keep yourself as calm as possible, though that is probably quite difficult at the moment.

 

Thinking of you 

[[Gr...]]

BB, I can't imagine going through something like that while in withdrawal. I feel so bad for you and will be praying!

 

<<<<Breathe>>>>

 

[[fi...]]

Some of you will have heard about the massive earthquake we experienced in New Zealand in the early hours of this morning ...

It was terrifying.. I took nearly half of a 1 mg tab at 3 am .. these were exceptional circumstances...

The after shocks continue.. no sleep .. but no more extra dose.

You do what you have to do at times like this ...kia kaha

BB

 

BB - I didnt realize you were in NZ - I emailed Anthea who has benzosupport.org - she has been a huge help to me in devising and understanding my micro taper - she too is in NZ - she said it was terrifying - I can only imagine - Here in Texas we have floods and hurricanes - they too are scary and the aftermath of no  power, etc, is a nightmare - Best wishes to you = will keep you in my thoughts (((HUGS)))

[[Gr...]]

Some of you will have heard about the massive earthquake we experienced in New Zealand in the early hours of this morning ...

It was terrifying.. I took nearly half of a 1 mg tab at 3 am .. these were exceptional circumstances...

The after shocks continue.. no sleep .. but no more extra dose.

You do what you have to do at times like this ...kia kaha

BB

 

BB - I didnt realize you were in NZ - I emailed Anthea who has benzosupport.org - she has been a huge help to me in devising and understanding my micro taper - she too is in NZ - she said it was terrifying - I can only imagine - Here in Texas we have floods and hurricanes - they too are scary and the aftermath of no  power, etc, is a nightmare - Best wishes to you = will keep you in my thoughts (((HUGS)))

 

Fight, I'm up in the Panhandle and we also have wildfires and tornadoes. 5 1/2 years ago a wildfire went through our neighborhood and right up to the sidewalk surrounding our house the flames burned the yard. It was the most scariest thing I've ever gone through! Thankfully the Lord spared our home even though other homes in our neighborhood burned to the ground.

[[fi...]]

Some of you will have heard about the massive earthquake we experienced in New Zealand in the early hours of this morning ...

It was terrifying.. I took nearly half of a 1 mg tab at 3 am .. these were exceptional circumstances...

The after shocks continue.. no sleep .. but no more extra dose.

You do what you have to do at times like this ...kia kaha

BB

 

BB - I didnt realize you were in NZ - I emailed Anthea who has benzosupport.org - she has been a huge help to me in devising and understanding my micro taper - she too is in NZ - she said it was terrifying - I can only imagine - Here in Texas we have floods and hurricanes - they too are scary and the aftermath of no  power, etc, is a nightmare - Best wishes to you = will keep you in my thoughts (((HUGS)))

 

Fight, I'm up in the Panhandle and we also have wildfires and tornadoes. 5 1/2 years ago a wildfire went through our neighborhood and right up to the sidewalk surrounding our house the flames burned the yard. It was the most scariest thing I've ever gone through! Thankfully the Lord spared our home even though other homes in our neighborhood burned to the ground.

 

Horrible - I remember the wildfires - and especially the ones on the highway on the way from Houston - Austin - fires jumped the highway - insane - glad you are ok and didnt lose your home!!! Natural disasters are really so scary - I used to live in Arizona - love that place - they have zero natural disasters there......and personally, I love the dry heat

[[Gr...]]

Some of you will have heard about the massive earthquake we experienced in New Zealand in the early hours of this morning ...

It was terrifying.. I took nearly half of a 1 mg tab at 3 am .. these were exceptional circumstances...

The after shocks continue.. no sleep .. but no more extra dose.

You do what you have to do at times like this ...kia kaha

BB

 

BB - I didnt realize you were in NZ - I emailed Anthea who has benzosupport.org - she has been a huge help to me in devising and understanding my micro taper - she too is in NZ - she said it was terrifying - I can only imagine - Here in Texas we have floods and hurricanes - they too are scary and the aftermath of no  power, etc, is a nightmare - Best wishes to you = will keep you in my thoughts (((HUGS)))

 

Fight, I'm up in the Panhandle and we also have wildfires and tornadoes. 5 1/2 years ago a wildfire went through our neighborhood and right up to the sidewalk surrounding our house the flames burned the yard. It was the most scariest thing I've ever gone through! Thankfully the Lord spared our home even though other homes in our neighborhood burned to the ground.

 

Horrible - I remember the wildfires - and especially the ones on the highway on the way from Houston - Austin - fires jumped the highway - insane - glad you are ok and didnt lose your home!!! Natural disasters are really so scary - I used to live in Arizona - love that place - they have zero natural disasters there......and personally, I love the dry heat

 

Everytime I hear of a fire danger warning it freaks me out. It sure doesn't take much to get a wild fire going. And with going through withdrawal and having all this anxiety it's so hard to deal with day-to-day things let alone natural disasters. I'm wondering why Arizona doesn't have any natural disasters?