Health Anxiety

[[Gr...]]

So I still have the upper resp thing -- red sore throat - glands swollen - sinus pain,etc.  Unrelenting and feeling run down.  So I went to GP who barely examined me and gave me ampicillin - which is not on the list of "don't take" antibiotics for benzo.  But I am freaked out about taking it because I already feel so lousy and wondering will I feel worse.  Every day has been the same since 12/23/16.  No change at all.  The depression is killer from feeling this way. 

Of course I scour the forum about ampicillin and read mixed reactions.  I have a weak immune system my whole adult life so I feel like I can't get on top of this thing myself.  Getting scared.    WBB

 

Fall of 2015 I went to the doctor for a horrible sore throat that was moving toward my ear. They gave me AMOXICILLIN and I did fine on it - got rid of the infection too. Stay hydrated, rest and try raw, organic garlic - cut it up and take it with water. That's what our Chiropractor does. Feel better!!

 

NOTE: I JUST NOW CORRECTED THIS TO - AMOXICILLIN

[[an...]]

I would take the antibiotic.  I just finished taking amoxicillin for a week. No problems.  The antibiotics to avoid are the quinolones.  They bind with the same receptors as the benzos.

 

Anne

[[wa...]]

So I still have the upper resp thing -- red sore throat - glands swollen - sinus pain,etc.  Unrelenting and feeling run down.  So I went to GP who barely examined me and gave me ampicillin - which is not on the list of "don't take" antibiotics for benzo.  But I am freaked out about taking it because I already feel so lousy and wondering will I feel worse.  Every day has been the same since 12/23/16.  No change at all.  The depression is killer from feeling this way. 

Of course I scour the forum about ampicillin and read mixed reactions.  I have a weak immune system my whole adult life so I feel like I can't get on top of this thing myself.  Getting scared.    WBB

 

Fall of 2015 I went to the doctor for a horrible sore throat that was moving toward my ear. They gave me AMOXICILLIN and I did fine on it - got rid of the infection too. Stay hydrated, rest and try raw, organic garlic - cut it up and take it with water. That's what our Chiropractor does. Feel better!!

 

NOTE: I JUST NOW CORRECTED THIS TO - AMOXICILLIN

 

I corrected it, too!  My benzo brain had me writing "ampicillin" when I meant amoxicillin

[[Gr...]]

WBB - we are two of a kind! 

[[Bu...]]

Hope you feel better soon WBB!

[[go...]]

I am joining this group as a fellow sufferer. My bp spikes, heart racing and generalized panic attacks are all new to me. Before I started to taper, I was happy go lucky. Now I'm sure I'm going to have a stroke or heart attack. I just added a small dosage of a beta blocker and my bp is lower, but not normal. The lower (.25) I get, the worse this is. When does it stop? Makes me scared to cut again. Suggestions appreciated!

[[bo...]]

GTBD

Ditto ditto and ditto !

Hidieous isn't it .. my sx have got worse the lower I go to.. too scared to take my BP mostly..

The constant racing heart beat and pulse in the base of throat .. I sooooo know what you mean about impending doom !

No suggestions that will help. Just know you're not alone !

[[go...]]

Hi Benzobertie,

 

Thanks for the reply! I keep telling myself this is the drug talking and I will get thru it. Makes me feel helpless and alone...glad to know I'm not crazy. I have so much traveling to do but cannot imagine leaving my area! The anxiety caused by my bp is paralyzing!

 

[[bo...]]

Good word...paralysing ...

So true.. unless I force myself I wouldn't leave the house. I have to travel for my work every couple of months and I hate it... only feel safe at home and even then that can be dodgy !! Never used to be like this .. it's awful..

Take care and keep in touch

Cheers

BB

[[wa...]]

Hope you feel better soon WBB!

thanks all and Ann and Gma

 

I caved and started the amoxicillin 4 days ago after my dentist said I looked like I had an infected salivary gland.  What?  Into the 2nd day of amox. I got the expected GI stuff despite the probiotics and BRAT diet.  - And then weirdly, super insomnia.  I thought I was just stressing out, but since my son is also on amoxicillin for a sinus infection and wasn't sleeping, I figured it must be the amox.  So I took one pill yest instead of three so I could sleep some, which I did.  I went back to 3 today because I am afraid of having or creating some superbug.  I am still no better.  I am running a low grade fever again.  I am afraid that I am beyond help.  That my health is beyond the reach of medicine or doctors.  I've been fighting this thing since 12/23 and don't know how much more "taking it easy" I can do since I am basically house bound at this point. 

 

I yammer all over this forum to distract myself from this infection thing.  People must think I'm a flake!  And, ironically, I feel like I am past the worst of w/d only to be struck down by this infection.  It is painful, too.  My doc is not working things out with my insurance to authorize my IV gamma glob which would probably help me fight off this thing.  I am now a month overdue for it.  Just really down and feel hopeless.  Everyday I'm fighting with insurance issues on the phone trying to figure out how to cover my tx. 

[[bo...]]

So relieved to hear you've started the antibiotics . It may take some time to feel better given the delay ..with everything that's going on for you it could be anything causing the insomnia... I do hope you feel some relief soon ..

No body minds you being all over the place. I've had my times like that too ..it's what we're here for..

Just do the best you can x

[[wa...]]

thanks Bozo - I'm just taking the amox as prescribed and also Florastor to avoid gut problems -- which actually helps alot and i am not reacting to it.  The salivary gland thing is still painful, though.  Just distracting watching TV and trying to replace scary thoughts with positive each moment.  WBB

[[pe...]]

Great idea for a support group. I am eight weeks w/d from xanax and noticed a sudden growing mole the other day. I was in a sweat all night but kept doing my meditation and told my husband I would love that blanket of non-feeling from xanax but just got thru the night. Called the Dermatologist ASAP and got in the next day when she looked at it and said, "Probably a fast growing wart but could be more so let's take it off - and she froze it off. Said to check back in a month if it looked like it wasn't disappearing. I felt great knowing that in the middle of my w/d I could thinking and act clearly in my behalf and realize these scenarios of illness and disease are always there and we cannot control the outcome -- only take action when warrated.

On the other hand when I first w/d 8 weeks before I was so nervous that I developed a choking disorder and had food stuck in my esophagus several times. Went to the ER once and could understand what it was and realized I had to slow down eating ( my mind was racing on w/d) and be mindful of what I was doing. Though I then had GERD for a few bad days I again cut out triggers, realized I had to pull down on my sliding hiatal hernia ( chiro showed me how to do it) and understand that anxiety and panic cause terrible physical symptoms. Yes, you can get really sick from prolonged stress but that's why I was in w/d to learn to deal with it.

Got a new therapist and did chiro and accupuncture and breathing and feel better -- not out of the woods but not so scared. Also tell my husband immediately that I'm scared and it helps not keeping it inside and pretending.

We must understand mind/body connection and feel kindness to ourselves, our minds, our spirits.

pearlgirl

[[bo...]]

Pearlgirl.. that's a really helpful post. Thank you

I am very much aware of the mind/body connection and it has been a real asset. Doesn't always work I might say ! But when I can slow down and make myself think things through I can usually see the connection and can handle whatever's happening ( just sometimes!)

I never used to believe such a thing ( mind/body) and a friend of mine is a physio and introduced me to the idea. I scoffed at it to start with ..thought they were quite separate.but over the last few years has been part of my life. Like mindfulness meditation .. scoffed at that too and now won't go a day without it ..when racing thoughts are an issue it's invaluable..

BB x

[[wa...]]

I wish I could just accept the latest sx as another "thing" to endure but it is so, so distracting.  It is like a hot poker burned a hole in my throat.  I went to acupuncturist today since a week on the amoxicillin hasn't really worked.  Maybe a little but the burnt hole feeling persists. 

 

This sx drags my whole body down.  I can feel it and think I may have  reactivated EBV (mono)again which hasn't been this bad in a long time and I'm so depressed by the prospect of enduring this for another month - or more.  This condition has bizarrely restored me to 7 hours of sleep although if I would just let go, I could sleep double that and probably should.  There is not cure for viruses really. 

 

My biggest fear when I started the taper was that the insomnia would get me  - that it would reactivate the condition I took Z drugs for to begin with (and an ill child).  And my fear is that the insomnia won.  I struggled all day today to fight serious hopelessness - I really did.  I don't even know how I can drive sometimes.

Thanks for this thread  -- I am so reluctant to post my stuff because it seems so unrelenting.  I feel beyond help.  - I feel I can endure the w/d -- it's this chronic condition that is really keeping me down.  WBB

[[pe...]]

I am afraid that I recognize that health "punishment" is part of my thought process and so many side effects trigger fear in me. Obviously I am a bad person (what I may be telling myself) and so the withdrawal will be punishing. And health will be fragile.

These circular ideas of self-punishment are probably what started my panic and anxiety decades ago and this is what I must confront in a clear eyed way now that the xanax is gone.

All health issues are based in the fear that I will eventually DIE from them - quickly and without any chance of surviving.

It's like pulling back a scab and seeing the wound.

Anxious people didn't just appear in the world. We were created often in reaction to paralyzing home or family or work issues. Unresolved they made us unable to sleep or even to often function happily. Of course our w/d will revisit some of these core issues and I am trying to look them in the eye and understand that I don't need to be punished.

Our recovery will have many uncomfortable moments as our brains and bodies learn to function again but this doesn't mean we are bad people.

Good health is our right as human beings.

This is what I am telling myself this morning after having a bad acif reflux attack and thinking "this is stomach cancer" and I will die.

It's hard to sort out symptoms in w/d recovery but I know it isn't punishment except from me  - at least that's my story.

Forgiveness was a big part of getting thru the night. And hopefully - my life.

pearlgirl

[[wa...]]

OMG Pearlgirl -- You have spoken directly to my heart.  My life has been a struggle against feeling worthless (long story) and my chronic illnesses were a manifestation of such worthlessness. It is irrational, I know, but I know but these core beliefs were reinforced by malevolent people around me.  It has me literally by the throat.  We are NOT bad because we feel bad! It is just so hard to fight the current if you are in whitewater rapids some days.  WBB

[[bo...]]

I think for most of us there comes a time in our withdrawal that we have to face what's 'underneath'.. my very first taper years ago was successful but short lived as I hadn't changed or addressed anything else in my life , so therefore my thought patterns and way of being in the world were still exactly the same ... I still couldn't cope with the anxiety of daily life, so before too long I sought escape again in benzo s ..

I feel it is easy to just want to get off these babies and not really understand the 'why ' of getting off. For me it meant going back and examining the 'why' of taking them in the first place.my anxiety stemmed from childhood and not being 'enough' in the world. Never good enough , even when I did something right or achieved at school there was still a 'but' ..I think I was always a nervous anxious child always looking for reassurance outside myself to validate myself in the world.. now I understand it better. That doesn't mean it makes withdrawal any easier but sometimes understanding something helps the process..our value system and core beliefs are ingrained and take a lot or rebuilding..at times .I fell into the trap of blaming the Ativan for literally everything.. we read everywhere about how bad they are ( and they are!)  but no one forced us to take them .. it's a long way back from taking away that protective shield and learning to cope on our own in the world .. health anxiety for me is part of this process , and it still scares me . However, everytime .I try to recognise it for what it is.. easier said than done as we all know !

[[pe...]]

Panic is often defined as a sense of helplessness and powerlessness. Taking xanax did not give me back a sense of power but it stopped me from being frightened for a few hours. I failed the first two times trying to get off xanax because I focused only on the physical symptoms of getting off the drug. When the feelings of helplessness returned and I shook inside like the little girl still trapped, I would not be able to sustain being drug free. I needed to accept that I had to change enough to get thru the same feelings that had started the journey so many years before.

Today I woke with a sense of anxiety. What do I do? What can I put in me to stop this dread?

It is a terrible feeling. Alone with the trapped thoughts of smallness.

I listened to a great meditation on forgiveness and then about anxiety. http://insighttimer.com

The voices were soothing. Like the adult voices I didn't have.

SELF SOOTHING IS A CRITICAL TRAIT. IF WE MISS IT IN CHILDHOOD IT HAUNTS US AS ADULTS.

For me, I must learn to soothe that empty pain. I can talk to everyone on this forum and my husband and friends and therapists but in the end - I must learn to fill up that space.

Health is the total person. Xanax is a quick band-aid to not have to feel. It worked for so long because it worked for so long.

But in the end. Our health must be our own. I believe that at some point, from the success stories here, the struggle become easier and the path wider.

Thanks for being here.

pearlgirl

[[wa...]]

Not doing well practicing self-soothing.  I think it is a skill that I never learned.  How alone I was all the time.

 

Since this sore in my throat is not letting up, I have to go down my fear fueled road of more doctors.  My ENT is where I'm going to have to start  - I remember last year when i had something similar he just didn't see it.  I think I even had an xray which showed nothing.  Isn't it strange how we forget all this stuff once we feel better.

 

So of course I think I have throat cancer and have to have horrible painful tests.  Or that is  an untreatable virus  -- bla, bla.  Why can't I comfort myself?  I am waking up with anxiety now and losing sleep -- the very thing I need to overcome this.  I feel like I'm trapped.  I can't get my head on straight about it.  Thanks for the vent.  WBB

[[bo...]]

Hi there WBB.. it's hard isn't it. sometimes we just don't know what to do with ourselves. And no matter how much other folks tell us stuff , and no matter how much we relate to it , it just doesn't come right in our own head. Just hang on in there and vent as much as you want. That's  what this thread is for.. we're all fighting the health anxiety battle .. sometimes it fades into the background and other times it is rampant ... just take it one moment at a time. Forget about how you don't know how to do things and just do the best you can ... the anxiety will subside .. it will ...lots of love BB

[[pe...]]

I think you can find some meditations that reinforce the mantra of "I'm ok" and mindful self-compassion

http://www.mindfulselfcompassion.org/handouts/handouts040212/LovingKindnessPhrases.pdf

 

I have also been working with a therapist who uses a method of EMDR to get in the habit of going to a safe place mentally and surrounding myself with figures in my life who make me feel loved and safe and wise and bring that very frightened child/person in to the room and affirm I am ok.

 

Being OK is very core for me in sustaining w/d from xanax because I took it and couldn't sleep because I wasn't.

 

I hope you will find peace and self-love thru this time of trial. It does help.

 

pearlgirl

[[bo...]]

Oh my goodness ! Health anxiety in the extreme ! ( you'll have a laugh at this one grandma D !)

Last night I decided I wasn't breathing right .. I was breathing too much through my mouth and not my nose. Dr Google told me that could lead to strokes and heart disease! Thank you Dr Google , can always rely on you to put the fear into me !!

Do you notice when you start 'thinking' about your breathing suddenly it's all over the place ...

How many of you notice that you 'mouth' breath a lot more in this process?

[[Ch...]]

My health anxiety revolves around a feeling of utter fragility. Although I am now stable, I went tro0ugh such hell last year because of my cut and a load of stresses I had to deal with.

 

I just feel my mortality so much  - like death could be imminent from some non-specific cause, as I feel I just cannot take any more. I feel I need at least a year free of major stresses to get over this, although of course life does not usually pan out like that.

 

Antone else have this feeling of total fragility and dread you may not survive much more?

[[bo...]]

Hell yes ! Most mornings I am actually surprised I survived the night! And I'm not being flippant ..

I think the whole taper things brings your mortality into question every day. I'm not quite sure why that is. Guess because of the anxiety in general and the many sx that lead you to believe your whole body is breaking down .

It's a fragile and vulnerable time. Apart from the taper .I am fortûnate to not actually have other major stressors right now in my life , and yet I still feel it.. can totally relate to that feeling x