Permanent Benzo Damage? This Is Not Fun

[[...]]

Annie,

 

Mikey isn't in protracted withdrawal, he is still tapering.  We were trying to get a better feel of what his plan is to see if we could give some feedback on how he could proceed with less problems.

 

I do agree with you this is certainly withdrawal and Mikey will be ok when this is over.

 

 

Mikey,

 

Annie has been through this before and she made it.  She knows what she is talking about when she talks about your ability to get through this and heal.  She is living proof you can make it.

 

TC

[[an...]]

 

 

Okay thanks TC! 

 

I was mistaken about his taper, wasn't sure if he were off for awhile, or still coming off. 

 

Yep, I've been through this before, from all the important benzos - klono, xanax, tranxene, valium several times - over a period of decades.  Every taper is different, as if if is the first time, very scary.  I am just as scared this time, as I was during w/d of times gone by ..

 

 

 

 

[[...]]

Annie,

 

Mikey's signature line is confusing. It is hard to tell what is going on, which makes it hard to advise. Hopefully, he will clear this up for us and let us know what is going on so we can be more helpful.

 

I know what you mean about this taper being as scary as the first, I think they are all scary, and I never want to do this again.  Truly, the hardest thing I have ever had to do, probably because it takes so damn long.

 

TC

 

 

[[an...]]

 

 

TC, I see from your sig line that you got off the pills finally a couple of months ago.  Congratulations!  Yes it is very hard to do. 

 

My mistake was this.  In 2006 when I was on propranolol for my anxiety, I was stable and the med worked without side effects and was not mind altering.  The beta blocker worked best for panic of anything I have ever taken, and I didn't feel like I was on a dangerous drug. 

 

Well then I started having chronic bronchitis and breathing episodes, and had that breathing test for asthma, and doc determined that I was developing COPD (bronchitis-emphysema) from lifelong smoking. 

 

The albuterol inhaler for asthma-emhysema is a wonder drug, but cannot be taken with a beta blocker, and if taken with propranolol (inderol) it will cause paradoxical bronchial attacks, and strangling on mucous and throwing up in order to clear the airways, stomach and sinuses and breathe again. 

 

It was scary!  I had to get off the propranolol.  My doc offered me 2 mg valium instead, and insisted that such a small dose would not be addictive and probably no withdrawal symptoms. 

 

I started by taking a quarter of a 2 mg valium once in awhile, not every day.  That tiny bit took the edge of the anxiety.  But soon I was taking them every day.  My maximum allowance was 1 pill a day (broken into four quarters) 

 

So after four years I am dependent again, and having withdrawals off that tiny little amount ..

 

 

[[zi...]]

Mike,

 

I'm really proud of you for posting that video on YouTube.  It will really help a lot of people and that was really cool of you.  You mentioned that you have a family.  Do you have a wife and children too?  The reason I ask is that I know I sometimes can be over focused on everything I don't have in life instead of what I do have in life.  You should feel very lucky to have a family that is still there for you.  What better way to pay it back to them, then to get better and you are doing a great job to get from 4mg to .25mg and now you have to plan out the rest of your taper.  So, how about it Mike?  Can you let us help you out with the rest of your taper and put together a calendar for you that will help you manage your taper so you get off this crap and can begin to heal and return to the person you once were.  You'll get there Mike and I am assure of it.

 

 

Ziggy

[[Gm...]]

 

this is me first time talking about on youtube i may be stuttering but i opened up to my problems i might be nuts but i wanted to do it! for myself

 

click if you want to see me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2KQp6vP-Ko

 

Cool Video Dude! I think I will nominate you for a oscar! for the coolest Benzo WD vid...  

 

Hey, quick question Mike. Am I getting the wrong message from the video that you were doing fine on your taper back in may, and now the taper is kinda out the window? From 2 mg ok K to .25mg is quite a feat. I'm getting mixed signals about your taper sir! Is the taper out the window? Can we give you a example of a sensible taper on paper. Just name the beginning dose, and I will personally hand it to Mr. Colin.

 

Lets work on this mikey. I'm not going to keep trying to convince you because I'm going to sound like a broken record.

[[...]]

Mikey,

 

Gman is right.  A solid taper plan will help you go along way.  Remember in the beginning when you had your plan taped up so it was easy to follow?  Maybe we could help you do something like that again?  It may not seem like it now, but the taper plan really can effect how things go post benzos.  There are so many people here that want to help you out, it would just be easier to give advice if you could update your signature line and maybe let us know how you are approaching the taper.

 

TC

[[su...]]

If I was worried like you are about cancer and went through the trouble of a MRI and was told I was fine I would be jumping for joy right now. Don't know what I can say to help...you posted this and want opinions so here is mine... maybe you need to look at the reason why you were given all the psych meds in the first place. I took a benzo since the very early 90s for GAD and I think I can deal with GAD now when I am off the pill but I wasn't ready before I educated myself about these pills and about GAD. I think you got some bad OCD and need to deal with it.

[[mi...]]

 

this is me first time talking about on youtube i may be stuttering but i opened up to my problems i might be nuts but i wanted to do it! for myself

 

click if you want to see me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2KQp6vP-Ko

 

Cool Video Dude! I think I will nominate you for a oscar! for the coolest Benzo WD vid...  

 

Hey, quick question Mike. Am I getting the wrong message from the video that you were doing fine on your taper back in may, and now the taper is kinda out the window? From 2 mg ok K to .25mg is quite a feat. I'm getting mixed signals about your taper sir! Is the taper out the window? Can we give you a example of a sensible taper on paper. Just name the beginning dose, and I will personally hand it to Mr. Colin.

 

Lets work on this mikey. I'm not going to keep trying to convince you because I'm going to sound like a broken record.

 

 

 

no gman i am a broken record everyday i worry i am going to DIE I Wish there was a cure for negative/obsessive thinking!

[[zi...]]

Mikey,

 

I sent you a private message with my contact info.  I can help you out with your negative / obsessive thinking so please feel free to contact me.  Once you understand why you have these disorders we need to get you focuses and stabilized with a taper plan.  This forum is a buddy system, hence the name Benzo Buddies so please take the help when it is offered.  This isn't just a place to vent, although helpful at times you need to get a grip on what's going on with you and why you have OCD and GAD.  Please accept the hand that is offered to you so that you can climb out of Hell, because you cannot do this alone.  

 

 

Ziggy

[[su...]]

i am a broken record everyday i worry i am going to DIE I Wish there was a cure for negative/obsessive thinking!

 

yes you do sound like a broken record and I have been told this thread scares people.

 

Mike you should know that these symptoms come and go and are part of what we are going through.

 

make a note of it.

[Guest [ke...]]

Mikey,

 

I have w/d symptoms that are pretty bad..I take that back, very bad, sometimes feels like I'm dieing.

Understand this is temporary, you don't have cancer nor a brain tumor..I thought I've had Cancer, Heart problems, Epilepsy and everything else.

It is withdrawal, you will get through it, it's a maze I know..but you will, everyone will..no permanent brain damage, the more you worry..the more it will manifest itself.

It's a hard thing to go through, but you'll make it.

 

Keryn.

[[el...]]

Mikey,

 

I sent you a private message with my contact info.  I can help you out with your negative / obsessive thinking so please feel free to contact me.

 

Hi ziggy,

 

Sharing private contact info is against forum rules and strongly discouraged. More seriously, contacting someone to 'help them with obsessive thinking', or any other sort of mental problem, unless you are a professional, has the potential of being very risky. Please refrain from this.  

[[zi...]]

Okay, I did not know.  I apologize and will not happen again.

[[na...]]

  Hey buddy first of all, I want to thank you for posting your video on youtube, I feel your pain man, and agree with you that these drugs are one of the worst, at least withdrawal wise they are...  I gotta tell you man, you almost sounded like me 4 years ago in regards to the "brain tumor" thought, that used to be my #1 worry, in fact I was so convinced I had a brain tumor that I had over 9 cat scans done, and all concluded that I didn't... I greatly feel that the benzo's perpetuated this worry.... What helped me rid myself of that thought was to sit down and logically think to myself, logical thinking is imperative in obsessive thinking because it makes you look at your fear based thoughts from a realistic perspective... I would sit down and say "Okay i think I have a brain tumor,what do the tests reveal?..."They reveal the opposite"... Try that when you get the thoughts, say " Am I being realistic??  Alot of fear is classic benzo withdrawal symptomology...

 

 

  Hang on brother, here is my video on youtube, it might give you more hope...

 

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8I5Vci7YRZ8.... Please ignore the beginning...

 

      GOD BLESS and HELP US ALL!!

 

 

            NATE(+)

[[mi...]]

 Hey buddy first of all, I want to thank you for posting your video on youtube, I feel your pain man, and agree with you that these drugs are one of the worst, at least withdrawal wise they are...  I gotta tell you man, you almost sounded like me 4 years ago in regards to the "brain tumor" thought, that used to be my #1 worry, in fact I was so convinced I had a brain tumor that I had over 9 cat scans done, and all concluded that I didn't... I greatly feel that the benzo's perpetuated this worry.... What helped me rid myself of that thought was to sit down and logically think to myself, logical thinking is imperative in obsessive thinking because it makes you look at your fear based thoughts from a realistic perspective... I would sit down and say "Okay i think I have a brain tumor,what do the tests reveal?..."They reveal the opposite"... Try that when you get the thoughts, say " Am I being realistic??  Alot of fear is classic benzo withdrawal symptomology...

 

 

  Hang on brother, here is my video on youtube, it might give you more hope...

 

     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8I5Vci7YRZ8.... Please ignore the beginning...

 

     GOD BLESS and HELP US ALL!!

 

 

           NATE(+)

 

 

Thanks Nate I Seen The Video

 

The Reason I Say This Is I Feel The Symptoms Of A Tumor..

 

Tired all The Time, Weakness in The Arms.. Confused/Dazed/Lost! Blood Shot Eyes. Ear Pain, Blurry Vision! ext

 

Everyday My Stomach Feels So Full Liver Pain Glassy Eyes...  I have cancer symptoms i went to another shrink he wants me on prozac 10mg and i dont even feel any medicine and i am worried

[[zi...]]

Mikey,

 

I always try to ignore your tumor remarks because I don't think it is helpful to your health.  However when you find yourself thinking about a tumor or cancer can you do yourself a favor and first acknowledge it's not a tumor, and second picture Arnold Schwarzenegger  saying "It's not a tumor" from the movie Kindergarten Cop.  Then laugh and move on.

 

What is OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)?  Instead of doing all of the research about tumors and cancer in your spare time, please research OCD and what causes it.  Research shows that it develops before the age of 15, so if you can look back in your life and remember when you were in a situation where you lost total control and identify that situation that may help.  OCD manifests when a person feels like they have lost all control over over their lives, and the natural human instinct is to attempt to control everything around them (including your symptoms).  As you know you can't control your symptoms and it will take your body quite a bit of time to readjust to everything in this world while it is in a "Drug Free State".  Meaning you won't officially heal until you are off of all benzos.  

 

Speaking of being off Benzos we have all asked you for your taper plan not for our own health, but for your health.  If you don't have a plan we can help you with your taper plan, and if you need help please let us know what dose you are on now and what medication.  Mikey it is impartiality that you get a grip on your OCD issues, and really read through your posts again and let us know if you want to taper or not.  

 

As far as the Tumor and Cancer posts go, I can no longer condone this behavior.  It is not healthy for you, nor anyone else on this forum.  All tests show you don't have a tumor, nor cancer so please laugh it off.  Again, picture Arnold Schwarzenegger  saying "It's not a tumor"- Then LAUGH!  NO MORE TUMOR OR CANCER POSTS PLEASE, and if I see a post about a tumor or cancer I will not reply because I won't be helping you and will be feeding into your OCD, and that is unhealthy for you and this community.

 

LASTLY, PLEASE LET US KNOW YOUR TAPER PLAN and IF YOU NEED HELP PUTTING A PLAN IN PLACE!

 

 

Ziggy

[[mi...]]

Mikey,

 

I always try to ignore your tumor remarks because I don't think it is helpful to your health.  However when you find yourself thinking about a tumor or cancer can you do yourself a favor and first acknowledge it's not a tumor, and second picture Arnold Schwarzenegger  saying "It's not a tumor" from the movie Kindergarten Cop.  Then laugh and move on.

 

What is OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)?  Instead of doing all of the research about tumors and cancer in your spare time, please research OCD and what causes it.  Research shows that it develops before the age of 15, so if you can look back in your life and remember when you were in a situation where you lost total control and identify that situation that may help.  OCD manifests when a person feels like they have lost all control over over their lives, and the natural human instinct is to attempt to control everything around them (including your symptoms).  As you know you can't control your symptoms and it will take your body quite a bit of time to readjust to everything in this world while it is in a "Drug Free State".  Meaning you won't officially heal until you are off of all benzos.  

 

Speaking of being off Benzos we have all asked you for your taper plan not for our own health, but for your health.  If you don't have a plan we can help you with your taper plan, and if you need help please let us know what dose you are on now and what medication.  Mikey it is impartiality that you get a grip on your OCD issues, and really read through your posts again and let us know if you want to taper or not.  

 

As far as the Tumor and Cancer posts go, I can no longer condone this behavior.  It is not healthy for you, nor anyone else on this forum.  All tests show you don't have a tumor, nor cancer so please laugh it off.  Again, picture Arnold Schwarzenegger  saying "It's not a tumor"- Then LAUGH!  NO MORE TUMOR OR CANCER POSTS PLEASE, and if I see a post about a tumor or cancer I will not reply because I won't be helping you and will be feeding into your OCD, and that is unhealthy for you and this community.

 

LASTLY, PLEASE LET US KNOW YOUR TAPER PLAN and IF YOU NEED HELP PUTTING A PLAN IN PLACE! Ziggy

 

 

I PROMISE NO MORE TUMOR AND CANCER POSTS SORRY EVERYONE/ZIGGY....  

 

 

I AM SO WORRY ONE THING MY TOXICITY LEVEL IS HIGH I DO NOT FEEL ANY CHEMICALS WORKING IN MY BODY AND I SO SCREW GODFORBID I GO TO GET SURGERY I WILL NOT FEEL ANY PAIN MEDS. I TOOK SOMETHING FOR MY HEAD I DID NOT FEEL IT AT ALL. I AM SCARED!  MY NEW DOCTOR TOLD ME I GOT OCD! I TOLD HIM GOING THREW WITH BENZO WITHDRAWAL I TOLD HIM ABOUT HEATHER ASHTON HE DONT UNDERSTAND A THING ABOUT HER NO DOCTOR BELIEVE IN BENZO'S NOR HEATHER!

 

 

 

[[zi...]]

Thank Mikey!  Good news is you don't need surgery.  Think Positives not Negatives or What IF's.  I mean really, what if the world was taken over by aliens tomorrow? 

 

Taper Plan Please?

 

 

Taper Plan Please?

 

 

Taper Plan Please?

 

 

Taper Plan Please?

 

 

Taper Plan Please?

[[mi...]]

Thank Mikey!  Good news is you don't need surgery.  Think Positives not Negatives or What IF's.  I mean really, what if the world was taken over by aliens tomorrow?   

 

Taper Plan Please?

 

 

Taper Plan Please?

 

 

Taper Plan Please?

 

 

Taper Plan Please?

 

 

I NEED HELP WITH THAT GMAN I MY BRAIN IS SO FOGGY

 

 

Taper Plan Please?

[[zi...]]

Mikey,

 

What dose are you on? and what Medication? 

 

GMAN:  Can you assist Mikey?

 

 

Thanks,

 

Ziggy

[[Pa...]]

Mikey,

 

What dose are you on? and what Medication? 

 

GMAN:  Can you assist Mikey?

 

 

Thanks,

 

Ziggy

 

Hi Ziggy,

 

We all would like to see Mikey get better, but there is only so much we can do as an internet support forum.  You're a great Buddie to Mikey, but the moderator team can only offer suggestions and support, we can't help someone unless they make an effort to meet us halfway.

 

Pam

[[mi...]]

Mikey,

 

What dose are you on? and what Medication? 

 

GMAN:  Can you assist Mikey?

 

 

Thanks,

 

Ziggy

 

.25mg

 

[[mi...]]

PLUS MY TOXICITY IS HIGH AND I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING WORKING!  :'( :'( :'(

[Guest [ke...]]

PLUS MY TOXICITY IS HIGH AND I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING WORKING!  :'( :'( :'(

 

I think I may be toxic to Valium, how do you know if you're toxic or not?

 

Keryn.