Permanent Benzo Damage? This Is Not Fun

[[cu...]]

Mikey,

 

I walked around for 3 months with the head pressure... it was weird because I felt that I had the entire world pushing down on me and for some reason the sun made it worse.  It still is weird here and there, but I do remember the weight feeling in my head and entire body for that matter.  It literally felt like I had about 10 people on top of me that I was carrying around all in my head.  It passes bro.. and unfortunately is part of this bizarre process.

 

zigg

 

HOW ABOUT NUMBNESS IN THE FACE IT HAPPENS TO ME IN THE MORNINGS

 

My face is always numb in the mornings because it was pushed into a pillow all night.

[[ty...]]

I've had facial numbness too, everything you have is withdrawal. If you have been thoroughly checked out by doctors and have had all of the necessary tests, I think it is safe to say that everything going on with you is just withdrawal. I just wish you could listen and believe that Mikey.

[[zi...]]

Mikey,

 

Yea, the numbness in the face is normal.  I still get it every morning, along with my arms and legs.  It seems that any part of my body goes numb when it has contact with a flat surface.  Bizarre, I know... you aren't alone bud.

 

Ziggy

[[Gm...]]

I HAVEN'T GOTTEN SICK OVER 2 YEARS I WORRY THAT I WILL GET SICK AND DIE... FROM SOME KIND OF INFECTION MY MIND IS PLAYING GAMES WITH ME NOTHING IS WORKING I AM TRYING BRAIN EXERCISES NOTHING IS WORKING I AM LISTENING TO MUSIC STILL THINKING...

 

Does this really make sense to actually worry about mikey? There really is no end to your madness to fabricate all these possibilities?

 

Mikey, are you tapering properly or tapering at all?

[[Gm...]]

Mikey,

 

I walked around for 3 months with the head pressure... it was weird because I felt that I had the entire world pushing down on me and for some reason the sun made it worse.  It still is weird here and there, but I do remember the weight feeling in my head and entire body for that matter.  It literally felt like I had about 10 people on top of me that I was carrying around all in my head.  It passes bro.. and unfortunately is part of this bizarre process.

 

zigg

 

HOW ABOUT NUMBNESS IN THE FACE IT HAPPENS TO ME IN THE MORNINGS

 

I got this tightness feeling in my cheek since the taper. Its fading ever so slowly. 

 

Would it be possible for you to change your signature to reflect your dose and keep it up to date. It will only benefit us to know where your at in your taper, and how big your cuts were. This way we can make educated suggestions what your feeling, because I don't know if your tapering too quickly, or you've developed "tolerance".

[[mi...]]

These Headaches Are Hell

 

 

Major Weakness!!

 

I am On .25MG

 

I DONT KNOW HOW LONG I GOT LEFT THESE LUMPS ARE KILLING ME!!! THE ONLY TIME THEY STOP HURTING IS NIGHT...

BONE PAIN AS WELL 24/7 WEAKNESS NOTHING HELPS ME I FEEL A GROWTH IN MY HEAD! I GOT SYMPTOMS OF BRAIN TUMOR STILL. STILL NO MORE IN MY FAMILY AND DOCTOR CANT HELP ME........... IT GOT TO THE POINT NO INTEREST IN NOTHING WHEN I LOOK AT SOMETHING OR SOMEONE I LOOK ON THE WALL I SEE A REFLECTION! I WAKE UP CONFUSED.  THAT I WHY I DID WRITE FOR 3 DAYS....PURE FATIQUE AND WEAKNESS I SMELL CANCER BUT I DONT KNOW ANYMORE!!!!!!!  :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( > > >

[[zi...]]

Mikey,

 

Sounds like you are doing well and back on your taper.  Congrats man for getting back down to .25mg!!!  That's really awesome and make sure you keep up the good work. 

 

I know you feel like shyt right now, and that is to be expected.  It's good that you rested and took some time to yourself to heal.  Your mind is going a bit nuts right now because your body is sending your brain incorrect signals.  Ask yourself what the Central Nervous System does?  It makes sense that the xanax fried your CNS for the time being because everything your body is reporting to your brain is completely absurd.  Your brain on the other hand keeps trying to readjust and reject anything that is false, and that is where your conscious is feeling the five stages of grief that go along with withdrawals from benzos.  And I can tell you from first hand experience you are fine and completly normal, except for the fact that you are in withdrawals and will soon begin to heal once you get off of ALL Benzos.  So keep it up Mikey, I'm proud of you!  We're proud of you!!

 

Five Stages of Grief that comes from Benzos.  These can happen in this order and sometime repeat many times over and over again until the withdrawal passes and you reach step FIVE.

 

 

1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me" No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the situation.

 

2-Anger-"why me?", feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with the doctors, pharmaceutical companies, parents, siblings, and friends.

 

3-Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before and during the taper off of benzos. Attempting to make deals with your doctors, parents, friends, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the withdrawals. Begging, wishing, praying for another chance at life without drugs.

 

4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning the loss of person you once were and your hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal.

 

5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the situation, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two people to get to where we are, even if the doctor did prescribe it or we did abuse it. Realization that the doctors pharmaceutical companies, parents, siblings, friends, and YOU are not at fault.  Finding the good that can come out of the situation you find yourself in brings comfort and healing to your family, friends, and yourself. Our goals turn toward personal growth. Stay in touch with the fond memories of the person you once were before benzos because you will get there again with a whole new appreciation for life!

 

 

 

Ziggy

 

[[Gm...]]

Mikey,

 

I compiled your posts about your doses going back to May. Your taper? follows no specific guidelines. Maybe you should readjust what your doing and follow a sensible taper plan. I do not think your confusion, fog, weird thoughts won't lighten up until you do so. If I did your taper, I would be a complete mess.

 

 

August 20th .25 mg

August 4th 1mg

July 30th .5mg

July 18th .25mg

June 30th .375mg

June 27th .5mg

June 22nd .5mg

June 20th .5mg

June 16th.5mg

June 11th 1.5mg

June 4th 1.75mg

May 18th 1mg

 

 

 

[[dj...]]

What are you tapering with? Mikey your brain is haywire right now man hang in there through all of the bad weird things that are going on with you. It gets better I came off 5 mg xanax back in 2004 and it was pure hell, I can relate with you seeing reflections on the wall when you know nothing is there. I hallucinated too....I remember watching the wallpaper melt like on an acid trip. I got better back then and I will this time too and so will you! 

[[mi...]]

Mikey,

 

I compiled your posts about your doses going back to May. Your taper? follows no specific guidelines. Maybe you should readjust what your doing and follow a sensible taper plan. I do not think your confusion, fog, weird thoughts won't lighten up until you do so. If I did your taper, I would be a complete mess.

 

 

August 20th .25 mg

August 4th 1mg

July 30th .5mg

July 18th .25mg

June 30th .375mg

June 27th .5mg

June 22nd .5mg

June 20th .5mg

June 16th.5mg

June 11th 1.5mg

June 4th 1.75mg

May 18th 1mg

 

 

 

 

 

GMAN THE HOSPITAL SCREWED  ME UP & SEREQUEL LIKE I SAID I WAS DOING GOOD IN MAY NOW I FEEL DEATH BECAUSE OF ONE STUPID WOMAN DOCTOR THAT GAVE ME THE RX FOR SEREOQUEL I AM F&CKIN SCARED THAT I AM DAMAGED FROM THE BENZO'S I AM GOING TO SAY I DO NOT FEEL ANY CHEMICALS WHAT SO EVER THE TODAY WAS THE WORST DAY EVER 6 HOURS MY HEAD WAS KILLING ME AND AT 9PM IT STOPPED

[[...]]

Mikey,

 

Sounds like you are doing well and back on your taper.  Congrats man for getting back down to .25mg!!!  That's really awesome and make sure you keep up the good work. 

 

I know you feel like shyt right now, and that is to be expected.  It's good that you rested and took some time to yourself to heal.  Your mind is going a bit nuts right now because your body is sending your brain incorrect signals.  Ask yourself what the Central Nervous System does?  It makes sense that the xanax fried your CNS for the time being because everything your body is reporting to your brain is completely absurd.  Your brain on the other hand keeps trying to readjust and reject anything that is false, and that is where your conscious is feeling the five stages of grief that go along with withdrawals from benzos.  And I can tell you from first hand experience you are fine and completly normal, except for the fact that you are in withdrawals and will soon begin to heal once you get off of ALL Benzos.  So keep it up Mikey, I'm proud of you!  We're proud of you!!

 

Five Stages of Grief that comes from Benzos.  These can happen in this order and sometime repeat many times over and over again until the withdrawal passes and you reach step FIVE.

 

 

1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me" No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the situation.

 

2-Anger-"why me?", feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with the doctors, pharmaceutical companies, parents, siblings, and friends.

 

3-Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before and during the taper off of benzos. Attempting to make deals with your doctors, parents, friends, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the withdrawals. Begging, wishing, praying for another chance at life without drugs.

 

4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning the loss of person you once were and your hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal.

 

5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the situation, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two people to get to where we are, even if the doctor did prescribe it or we did abuse it. Realization that the doctors pharmaceutical companies, parents, siblings, friends, and YOU are not at fault.  Finding the good that can come out of the situation you find yourself in brings comfort and healing to your family, friends, and yourself. Our goals turn toward personal growth. Stay in touch with the fond memories of the person you once were before benzos because you will get there again with a whole new appreciation for life!

 

 

 

Ziggy

 

thanks, ziggy.  had never applied these steps to benzo wd.  i needed to see this. 

[[zi...]]

Mikey,

 

I compiled your posts about your doses going back to May. Your taper? follows no specific guidelines. Maybe you should readjust what your doing and follow a sensible taper plan. I do not think your confusion, fog, weird thoughts won't lighten up until you do so. If I did your taper, I would be a complete mess.

 

 

August 20th .25 mg

August 4th 1mg

July 30th .5mg

July 18th .25mg

June 30th .375mg

June 27th .5mg

June 22nd .5mg

June 20th .5mg

June 16th.5mg

June 11th 1.5mg

June 4th 1.75mg

May 18th 1mg

 

 

 

 

 

GMAN THE HOSPITAL SCREWED  ME UP & SEREQUEL LIKE I SAID I WAS DOING GOOD IN MAY NOW I FEEL DEATH BECAUSE OF ONE STUPID WOMAN DOCTOR THAT GAVE ME THE RX FOR SEREOQUEL I AM F&CKIN SCARED THAT I AM DAMAGED FROM THE BENZO'S I AM GOING TO SAY I DO NOT FEEL ANY CHEMICALS WHAT SO EVER THE TODAY WAS THE WORST DAY EVER 6 HOURS MY HEAD WAS KILLING ME AND AT 9PM IT STOPPED

 

Mikey,  This is normal and is most likely do to the sun which is stimulating your senses too much.  Wear sun glasses or stay out of it all together.  

 

You don't need to explain yourself.  GMAN was simply pointing out that you do need a plan to keep your taper going now that you are back on track.  Please, I beg you to print out a three month calendar and layout what your daily dose is going to be every single day.  Post it up on the wall by a mirror or by your bed to remind yourself that you are staying on track.  Now that you are back to .25mgs you really need to get to 0mgs to heal so please print up a three or two month calendar so that you can drop your dose very slowly and so that you stick to your commitments.  I had to do this twice a week and reviewed it with a nurse practitioner every time I met with her and I was able to drop off of 7mg in 54 days.  My taper was way to fast, but realistically this crap isn't doing you any good so the faster you can safely get off of it the better you will be.

 

Ziggy

[[mi...]]

Mikey,

 

I compiled your posts about your doses going back to May. Your taper? follows no specific guidelines. Maybe you should readjust what your doing and follow a sensible taper plan. I do not think your confusion, fog, weird thoughts won't lighten up until you do so. If I did your taper, I would be a complete mess.

 

 

August 20th .25 mg

August 4th 1mg

July 30th .5mg

July 18th .25mg

June 30th .375mg

June 27th .5mg

June 22nd .5mg

June 20th .5mg

June 16th.5mg

June 11th 1.5mg

June 4th 1.75mg

May 18th 1mg

 

 

 

 

 

GMAN THE HOSPITAL SCREWED  ME UP & SEREQUEL LIKE I SAID I WAS DOING GOOD IN MAY NOW I FEEL DEATH BECAUSE OF ONE STUPID WOMAN DOCTOR THAT GAVE ME THE RX FOR SEREOQUEL I AM F&CKIN SCARED THAT I AM DAMAGED FROM THE BENZO'S I AM GOING TO SAY I DO NOT FEEL ANY CHEMICALS WHAT SO EVER THE TODAY WAS THE WORST DAY EVER 6 HOURS MY HEAD WAS KILLING ME AND AT 9PM IT STOPPED

 

Mikey,  This is normal and is most likely do to the sun which is stimulating your senses too much.  Wear sun glasses or stay out of it all together.  

 

You don't need to explain yourself.  GMAN was simply pointing out that you do need a plan to keep your taper going now that you are back on track.  Please, I beg you to print out a three month calendar and layout what your daily dose is going to be every single day.  Post it up on the wall by a mirror or by your bed to remind yourself that you are staying on track.  Now that you are back to .25mgs you really need to get to 0mgs to heal so please print up a three or two month calendar so that you can drop your dose very slowly and so that you stick to your commitments.  I had to do this twice a week and reviewed it with a nurse practitioner every time I met with her and I was able to drop off of 7mg in 54 days.  My taper was way to fast, but realistically this crap isn't doing you any good so the faster you can safely get off of it the better you will be.

 

Ziggy

 

 

 

big problem if i don't feel any chemicals in my system any more should i worry i do not feel any thing for the head!

everyday brain tumor symptoms!!! these symptoms are crazy and i am severely scared!! like i said before i am only 28 thinking about death and haven't got sick in a while and worried that i will get sick and die!!!!  i feel a growth in my head NO DOCTOR CAN HELP! MY STOMACH FEELS LIKE A BOWLING BALL.... MY EYES ARE CRAZY I CAN STILL DRIVE MY EVERYTHING IS HAYWIRE! NO USE FOR TEST IF EVERYTHING WILL BE NORMAL I MORE MY EYELID AND I SEE DOUBLE!!! I AM HAPPY THAT TODAY I HAVE NO PAIN THE HEAD!!!! ALL CRAZY SYMPTOMS. DISORENTED IS A BITCH

[[zi...]]

Yea Mikey.. I didn't feel much of anything anymore work either when I was still getting off the junk.  My guess is that people who are on a higher dosage like us managed to really fry all of our GABA receptors; hence anything we took had no effect.  I remember asking the pharmacist if the klonopin and xanax that they were giving me was real or if it was some kind of a sugar pill.  I was convinced that my psychiatrist was telling the pharmacist to just give me sugar pills because it just didn't make sense that it wasn't working anymore.  You are in a really tough spot right now, but I assure you that once you are off ALL benzos for an extended period of time you will start to heal and then just the smallest dose of ibuprofen will work wonders.  But nothing, nada, zilch will work right now because the GABA receptors for the Central Nervous Systems are almost non-existent.  So in order to feel better you sometimes have to go through hell. 

 

Did you print off that calendar and plan out the rest of your taper, because until you are off the benzos you will continue to feel like a mutant??

 

All the other stuff you are saying by the way I went through and if you need to keep telling us that you are still feeling them that is okay because we know you are and believe you.  It is horrible Mikey and I don't wish it on anyone, but you do have the strength and courage to get through this so please print off a calendar and plan out your taper.  If you need help, we are here... Just let us know.

 

Ziggy

[[Gm...]]

Thanks ziggy for being supportive on a more organized, sensible taper.

 

mikey please be receptive to this view because your taper seems to be a bunch of up dosing, 25 - 75% cuts, corrective dosage, and kinda "winging" it day by day. If you want off, a better taper plan has a higher success rate, and is easier on the mind. I say choose your path with what you have learned here, follow through and forget about the past.

[[ko...]]

Mikey this withdraw thing is very weird im 28 also be 29 in november and ive been on benzos for 8 years ill be off 10 weeks tuesday and i have felt every symptom and then some i think im starting to feel somewhat better and better each day its hard to say but alot of days i have this strange feeling of death following me around every minute its like you know your gonna die very soon and the feeling has no basis its very strange but it can only get better from here keep your head up and be nice to yourself we cant expect to much out of ourselves right now !

[[dj...]]

I walk around each day feeling like im physically dying and mentally going crazy....my body feels so bad in so many different ways its terrible.

[[mi...]]

severe hallucations yesterday night vivid dreams!

i started sweating like crazy it was hell. even if i do have cancer i know i do i feel like crap every day

 

first 3 symptoms get since may 18 2010

 

my throat close it locks up diffucult to swallow

neck is stiff and in pain

pressure in the head! seeing stars and floaters !

the eyes are the worst! thats all i got to say

 

my eyes move by themselves i move my eyes than all of a sudden it moves by itself!

[[ma...]]

Listen Man

 

YOU DO NOT HAVE CANCER

 

havent the doctors told you that already anyways im sure by now someone has done some diagnostic tests on you...... I have all the same things you have.

 

It is very simple man GET OFF THE DRUGS (taper safely) and you will begin to heal but your hamster wheel of agony and the feedback loop of symptoms your explaining including your worry and obsessing is not helping you. Finish your taper and stay positive there have been thousands of people as bad as you that go on to get better.

[[Gm...]]

severe hallucations yesterday night vivid dreams!

i started sweating like crazy it was hell. even if i do have cancer i know i do i feel like crap every day

 

first 3 symptoms get since may 18 2010

 

my throat close it locks up diffucult to swallow

neck is stiff and in pain

pressure in the head! seeing stars and floaters !

the eyes are the worst! thats all i got to say

 

my eyes move by themselves i move my eyes than all of a sudden it moves by itself!

 

Have you began a more organized, sensible taper plan yet mikey? if so, could you fill us in on your planed cut sizes and in how many days you plan to make your next cut?

[[mi...]]

 

this is me first time talking about on youtube i may be stuttering but i opened up to my problems i might be nuts but i wanted to do it! for myself

 

click if you want to see me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2KQp6vP-Ko

[[...]]

Mikey,

 

More than half of the battle to get off of these medications is to have a solid plan. Nearly everyone here is fighting hard to get off the medications.  It truely is the toughest thing I have ever had to do in my life.  I am about 7 weeks benzo free and things are gradually getting better.  It is really hard to tell what you are doing with the up and down dosing.  I am not questioning your desire to get off the drug, but your approach really is a tough approach to take and you may be putting yourself through alot of things you could avoid if you have a solid plan.

 

TC

[[su...]]

OCD Mikey you got it bad - go get checked for cancer when you are free and clear then MAYBE you can stop worrying about cancer...

 

I had a complete CBC done right in the middle of my ongoing taper and I was worried that I would have some whacky shite going on with my blood...I worried...I didn't say anything here on the forum for the 2 weeks I was worried , then I got my results...I am fine and you are most likely fine too.

 

If you have access to heath care go use it and get checked Knowledge is power.

 

wait a second....just got to the part where you said you had a MRI...you will not believe the results because you have OCD.

 

I have twitches too - I had many symptoms and still having them...it's part of the process and you should know this by now.

 

 

 

 

[[an...]]

 

 

Hey Mikey!  I just watched your video.  You look healthy, not like someone with cancer.  You don't have cancer and you don't have a brain tumor. 

 

This is benzo withdrawal, protracted.  I think you might have OCD, obsessing over your symptoms and physical and mental condition and unable to stop.  You said you were stuttering, but you probably weren't nearly as much as you think you were.

 

I really think you are going to be okay eventually, these are just bad times right now, and you have worried yourself sick over this. 

 

I believe you will be okay ..

 

 

 

 

[[su...]]

might have OCD ? he has it bad...

 

sorry mike you need to look at the real issue here

 

you had a MRI and was told you are fine