New 12-18 Month Buddy Group

[[so...]]

Welcome Bubbles!

 

So glad to have you here.  We are locking arms on this thread, helping each other to the finish line.  We will all heal 100% and writing our success stories in the next 6 months.  I can't wait to read yours!

 

How are you doing?

 

Love, Sofa

[[Bu...]]

Hi Sofa!

 

Glad to join you guys. I seem to be sloooowly improving. Seems like I hit a plateau the past several months, but this week seems to have shown some improvement. I had three days in a row feeling really good, and my base line seems to have improved. The physical symptoms are nearly gone. However, this damn emotional disconnectedness and numbness still lingers stubbornly. It disappears almost completely during windows. Those miraculous windows of being able to "feel" are so amazing. I'm still forging ahead, completely determined to heal. I'm so thankful to have you all on this journey!

 

Much love,

Bubbles

[[so...]]

Bubbles,

 

You are really picking up that speed they talk about at the end of this journey!  I am so so happy for you!  Plateaus are discouraging, but look what came at the end of it for you!  Yayyyyy!  You'll be writing your success story really soon!

 

Love, Sofa

[[so...]]

Hey Buddies,

 

Well, yesterday kicked my butt, but today is better.  I still have my eye on January, but will keep moving forward regardless.

 

How is everyone else doing today?

[[...]]

Sorry to hear about the wave Geek. Sofa's right. It's hard to know when we're getting an arbitrary wave and when something we did set it off. It's too easy to blame ourselves here. Now, if you'd knocked back a  12 pack of beer, energy drinks, lived on chocolate bars and tried to run a marathon in your skivvies, you'd have some reason to very closely examine your actions Hang in there until you get some clear skies again. It will happen.

 

MT

 

hahahaha.  I used to do that kind of crap to myself.  With the exception of running marathons in skivvies.  I always preferred naked.  hahahahaha

 

http://www.holistichelp.net/blog/how-to-increase-gaba-and-balance-glutamate/         

 

This article actually specifically mentions bone-broth as having really HIGH concentrations of Glutamate.    I think there's something to it. 

 

 

 

 

 

Anywho

 

 

 

Glad your feeling better today Sofa.  My cortisol rushing has stopped again.  It did come back breifly when I dipped under baseline. Again, I'm attributing that to the bone broth now.

 

I know exactly what it's going to take for me to turn the health corner.  When my sleep becomes fully restful, is when it's going to get better.  I wake up too much still in the early am.    Sleep is still broken.  When my sleep sorts itself out, is when my heart rhythm/palps symptoms will correct I'm sure of it.

 

I'm shooting for 14 months but I'm not going to get all bent out of shape if it ends up being 16.

[[so...]]

Geek,

 

You and I have IDENTICAL symptoms.  I hate that you are suffering like this, but it is comforting to know I am not alone in having to deal with these challenges.  I also believe, like you, that when my 3am cortisol awakenings every morning stop, I will be done with this.

 

Onward my buddy, Sofa

 

PS. Thank you for the helpful link.  I will avoid everything I can to prevent the flaring up of cortisol.

[[Ba...]]

I had a couple of very good days and then a wave crept up early one evening. This was painful electrical shocks in my left leg. I'm better now, but am hyperventilating and shaking. Still I can work out a bit and think better. 

 

This is month 15 for me.

[[so...]]

Bailey,

 

My friend Gioia got those zaps for the first time while I was on the phone with her.  Came out of nowhere.  No wonder you are shakey from that curve ball!

 

Sometimes weird stuff just comes out of nowhere, lasts for a few minutes or seconds and never returns again.  Let's hope that's the case with your shocks.

 

Love, Sofa

[[MT...]]

Bubbles, welcome to the group. I'm glad you're seeing some improvement.

 

Geek, you sound resolved to keep plugging away and taking care of yourself. Sleep is so important and precious. When I can get 2-3 hours of real sleep with no assistance, I'm going to do backflips. Maybe I should do some yoga to prepare for that

 

Sofa, I'll be happy for you when your cortisol alarm clock leaves the building.

 

This may be our month. Even if it isn't 2016 should bring about some great progress. I find myself aiming for a year from now since that's what seems realistic to me for my sleep to be much better. I figure if I aim for some far off goal, maybe I won't get as impatient and disappointed? We'll see. I sure thought at 13 months life would be different but at least it's better than it was. It's often easier now to deal with the not sleeping since I don't feel as bad in general. Every little bit helps.

 

I managed to go do something and have some fun last night after work like a normalish person. At times it was hard but it also felt good to get out of my comfort zone and meet people.

[[so...]]

MT,

 

I just love your attitude.  As much as I would kill to heal tomorrow, if I have to wait another year, I wouldn't mind hanging out with you. 

 

I'd rather hang out with you all healed up drinking Mai Tais on a tropical beach somewhere.  It could happen!  Ha!

[[so...]]

12-18 Buddies,

 

Well yesterday was a chemical depression day from hell.  I cried all day about my life, feeling this will never end.  Gioia and Patty, God bless you for holding my head above the black murky waters that were trying to drown me.  Lord, this is hard.  Please lift us all up and out of this now.

 

Today I'm going to stay focused on how I am healing.  Every single day, I am not suffering, I am HEALING.  This is what brain and nerve regeneration and healing feels like.  I will not be afraid of it today.  I will welcome every single neuron that is coming alive again and reconnecting.

 

I love all my buddies, Sofa

[[ml...]]

Hi buddies...

 

I hope you don't mind me joining in here. Feb 1st will be officially 12 months for me! I'm so close, I can't wait for that day to come and go...

Only 2 more weeks! Its not that I expect some huge event that day, although I will still be optimistic, but for me right now, its more about making it this far. Last year and going thru this wd changed my entire life, as I know it does for all of us.

 

I am really feeling hopeful now. I need a year under my belt. I white-knuckled thru 3/4 of 2015 and I say good RIDDENS to it!

I really feel 2016 will be it with this. I'm so much better.

 

After reading thru this thread and thank you sofa for starting it, I see I still have some ways to go.

Do you guys feel like I do, that some stuff after a year, you get so used to it, that you think its the new normal, instead of us still healing?

 

I am reevaluating my expectations now as I approach the 1 year mark. I still have the early AM chest rushes, a toxic nap here and there, crying spells, feeling overwhelmed in certain situations, chemical anxiety, those CRAZY inner vibrations and a few other highly annoying sx. Now lately, I am fighting some depression. I wasn't sure what it was, but after a couple weeks of it, I find myself wanting to be alone a lot and not much motivation to do anything. I wanna be at home all the time and hibernate. Maybe its winter and hormones too. Yes I am also going thru the "change"...Just lovely. Hahahaha Its hard to tell where this ends and something else begins.

 

I guess I'm just a bit surprised I've still got crap going on. I thought it would all be over by now. Anyway, I wanted to say hi and I'll be around. I sometimes have to take a break from BB if  too much old fear starts to creep back in. But I always get PM.

 

Love and battle hugs to all you 12 monther's and beyond. I'm so grateful for you.

 

 

magic (Lysa)

[[ml...]]

12-18 Buddies,

 

Well yesterday was a chemical depression day from hell.  I cried all day about my life, feeling this will never end.  Gioia and Patty, God bless you for holding my head above the black murky waters that were trying to drown me.  Lord, this is hard.  Please lift us all up and out of this now.

 

Today I'm going to stay focused on how I am healing.  Every single day, I am not suffering, I am HEALING.  This is what brain and nerve regeneration and healing feels like.  I will not be afraid of it today.  I will welcome every single neuron that is coming alive again and reconnecting.

 

I love all my buddies, Sofa

 

Me too sofa, me too...all of it 

[[so...]]

Magic,

 

I'm so glad you are joining me here.  It gets lonely on this thread.

 

I could have written your post word for word myself.  Oh my gosh, as much as I hate you are going through all this, knowing you are next to me, feeling everything I'm feeling, is of great comfort.  I don't have to worry that this is the new me, that I'll be stuck like this forever.  How could two different people be experiencing the exact same things?  Withdrawal, that's how!  And if it's withdrawal, it is temporary. 

 

We are nearing the end, magic.  Believe it!!!!!

 

Love, Sofa

[[ml...]]

Thank you sofa. I really appreciate your words.

 

Yes, if there is such a thing as ANY comfort in this, its other's to walk it with and that TRULY, TRULY understand. I am fortunate to have made some great connections here and a few friendships that have extended outside this online forum.

 

Today, I am trudging forward and going to enjoy the day with my family. God's day of rest...I receive it and I'm grateful for it.

We have come this far, we can handle anything now! 

 

Hugs, 

Lysa

[[so...]]

Lysa,

 

Have a beautiful day with your family.  Jesus is the navigator.  He says it's the end of this, so we're almost done!

 

Love, Judy

[[MT...]]

MT,

 

I just love your attitude.  As much as I would kill to heal tomorrow, if I have to wait another year, I wouldn't mind hanging out with you. 

 

I'd rather hang out with you all healed up drinking Mai Tais on a tropical beach somewhere.  It could happen!  Ha!

 

Hear, hear. I vote for the beach too. That being said, I feel honored to be able to be a part of other's journeys and not have to go through this alone. I'm sorry you got slammed by a chemical depression day yesterday. Those are the pits!

 

Lysa, welcome to our group. We're right there with you. We all hoped 12 months would feel much different. Perhaps we needed to so we could have enough "fight" to make it this far. For most of us the symptoms have decreased in intensity some, but are still present and can gobsmack us with waves. All of us have a worst symptom to deal with that can cause great anguish. Mine is insomnia but just knowing what's causing it, not some permanent brain disorder like I thought for a while, is a comfort of sorts. Now we press on for the next goal--6 months--and hope it's better. Then the next, as many times as we must, while learning at the same time how to be more fully present each day in the now.

 

Yesterday I went to lunch with a friend then helped my husband move his department. Did a bunch of cleaning and heavy work for about 3 hours. While it was nice to be able to contribute--something I haven't been well enough to do for years--how I felt afterwards (aching, spasming and exhausted) was a reminder that my healing still has a long way to go. Even little glimpses of normal sure are refreshing and I guess if I don't try things I'll never know what I can do.

 

Admiring the strength of all of you!

 

Katie

[[ml...]]

Lysa,

 

Have a beautiful day with your family.  Jesus is the navigator.  He says it's the end of this, so we're almost done!

 

Love, Judy

 

 

Ahh Judy, I'm crying...AGAIN. He's the only thing I had thru this. He surely saved my entire life. Wow. He is so good and in all things He has a purpose. I'm beginning to see, now that I can reason again, it took what it took to get my attention. I was headed down the psych drug road, just as the women in my family before me. My mother is 77 and still on benzos and AD. She now has dementia from 50 years of pills, pills, pills. I have tried so many times to help her escape. She just can't do it now.  :'(

 

I'm overcome with gratitude that he freed me from that curse.

 

The refiner's fire indeed.

 

Lysa

[[ml...]]

MT,

 

I just love your attitude.  As much as I would kill to heal tomorrow, if I have to wait another year, I wouldn't mind hanging out with you. 

 

I'd rather hang out with you all healed up drinking Mai Tais on a tropical beach somewhere.  It could happen!  Ha!

 

Hear, hear. I vote for the beach too. That being said, I feel honored to be able to be a part of other's journeys and not have to go through this alone. I'm sorry you got slammed by a chemical depression day yesterday. Those are the pits!

 

Lysa, welcome to our group. We're right there with you. We all hoped 12 months would feel much different. Perhaps we needed to so we could have enough "fight" to make it this far. For most of us the symptoms have decreased in intensity some, but are still present and can gobsmack us with waves. All of us have a worst symptom to deal with that can cause great anguish. Mine is insomnia but just knowing what's causing it, not some permanent brain disorder like I thought for a while, is a comfort of sorts. Now we press on for the next goal--6 months--and hope it's better. Then the next, as many times as we must, while learning at the same time how to be more fully present each day in the now.

 

Yesterday I went to lunch with a friend then helped my husband move his department. Did a bunch of cleaning and heavy work for about 3 hours. While it was nice to be able to contribute--something I haven't been well enough to do for years--how I felt afterwards (aching, spasming and exhausted) was a reminder that my healing still has a long way to go. Even little glimpses of normal sure are refreshing and I guess if I don't try things I'll never know what I can do.

 

Admiring the strength of all of you!

 

Katie

 

 

 

Thank you Katie...I so agree, Im a go at it kind of person, always have been and this deal took me straight to the ground.

I've gained ground back big time, but I too can see where I still have to be careful. I think It's all over and then whammo...I'm reminded...not quite yet, slow down girl 

 

It's ok. I made it thru a whole year now and much of it was in absolute survival mode. That in and of itself, requires healing.

That kind of fighting, is hard on our bodies and our minds.

 

It will take what it takes and I'm right there with you, 18 months is next!  We CAN and will do it buds!

 

[[so...]]

Lysa and Katie,

 

What wonderful friends you are!  So positive, hopeful, gracious, compassionate, accepting.  I am learning so much from both of you.  The grace and dignity with which you both carry yourselves throughout this journey is so humbling.  I am grateful to both of you for the example you set.

 

Now I AM CRYING.  Good tears though.  Nothing but admiration for you both.

 

Love, Judy

 

 

[[ml...]]

Lysa and Katie,

 

What wonderful friends you are!  So positive, hopeful, gracious, compassionate, accepting.  I am learning so much from both of you.  The grace and dignity with which you both carry yourselves throughout this journey is so humbling.  I am grateful to both of you for the example you set.

 

Now I AM CRYING.  Good tears though.  Nothing but admiration for you both.

 

Love, Judy

 

Lovely and thank you Judy...The same to you and as the saying goes and its not just some silly cliche' ...

 

"What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger!"

 

[[so...]]

If that's true, we are all Benzo Super Heroes!  Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.  Oh wait.  That's probably DR acting up.  Pffft.

[[ml...]]

[[so...]]

Bless you all tonight and sweet dreams.

 

Oh God, thank you for giving me the gift of life.  Every breath I take, every morning I wake, every moment of every hour, I live under Your power.  You know everything that has affected me physically, emotionally, spiritually...all that has brought me to this moment.

 

Help me now to see that Your healing power is with me in this time of need.  As I ask for the gift of health, I also ask that You bring me to the fullness of the person you have me to be.

 

I renounce any rebellion or fear during this time of diminished health.  Though I do not quite understand Your way of directing me right now, I desire to entrust all the details of my present condition into Your loving care.

 

Since I cannot now pray as well as I would wish, I ask You to accept, instead, each breath I draw as an act of love and trust in You.  You are my Healer, and I lean upon Your loving Heart with the peace of a little child in its father's arms.  I know you will not forsake me.  Amen.

 

This prayer was given to me when I coded during my gallbladder surgery.  I hope it brings comfort to all of you, as it does to me every time I read it.  Even for those who find it difficult to see God in any of this right now, He's already given us a gift.  This is temporary.

 

 

[[ml...]]

So beautiful Judy,

 

Prayer is how we handle the battlefield, I have no doubt about that. He is with us every hour of every day. I found just praising him brings much relief when things were so bad. I continue to praise him everyday for what he has pulled me thru.

 

Lord, please put your rest and easy yoke upon us, just for tonight and let us all sleep like a baby in your arms, safe, assured and knowing your faithfulness.

 

nite nite...

Lysa