New 12-18 Month Buddy Group

[[Ba...]]

I would like to join this.

[[so...]]

Hi Bailey and Stuck!  I'm so happy you are here with me.  I hope we can form a close-knit loving supportive little group.  I need you all so much for what I believe will be the last leg of this journey.  It would be so comforting to have this thread be a little corner of the world to come home to as we push through each day.  I will always hold you up when you can't walk and try to soothe you and ease your fears when you feel alone and scared.

 

Boy, Stuck!  We couldn't be more identical in our journeys through this if we tried!  Every morning at 4am I am thinking of you as I wake up in the cortisol storm.  When I try to watch TV, then turn it off, I am thinking of you.  When I can feel the chemical anxiety coursing through me, I am thinking of you.

 

Bailey, what symptoms are you struggling with?  Maybe we can help?

[[so...]]

Nomne, how are you feeling today?

 

I have to go to my DIL's baby shower today.  50 people I don't know will be attending!  Dear God, carry me through this!

 

Love, Sofa

[[so...]]

Stuck,

 

I am 27 years older than you are and, honestly, from everything I've read on this forum, I think your age and your fitness will heal you very soon.  I know, because of your current condition, you don't feel very "fit" right now, but your previous good health is going to make your journey shorter.

 

I read every page of the 6-12, 12-18 and 18-30 month threads when I first joined BB.  As each thread started to wind down and that same group of people opened up a new one, I followed them, even though I was at least a year behind most.  Now that the last thread they started, 18-30, is winding down, I felt lost, like I was on the dock, waving goodbye to all my friends who were on a cruise ship, leaving the port for new adventures.  Man, the depression grabbed me and wouldn't let go this past week.

 

Stuck, I wanted to give you some hope by describing something that's changed for me.  For the past 4 days, even though I still wake up at 4am with the cortisol, I haven't awakened in sheer panic.  The anxiety is still there, but in a milder form. 

 

Buddies, my withdrawal has been different than many on this forum.  I don't get windows, unless you want to call windows a decrease in symptoms every evening.  Also, I have always had the same symptoms since my CT jump, with only a couple of mild new things popping in occasionally that only last a few seconds, then poof! they're gone.  What I've experienced this past year is a "peeling off" or "paring down" of symptoms each month, almost imperceptible improvements where I say, oh wow, X is gone! Or X isn't so horrific anymore.  Does that make sense or sound familiar?

 

Sofa

[[so...]]

Bailey,

 

I CT'd Gabapentin and irregular use of Ativan on November 8, 2014.  All my symptoms started the next day and I've had the same core group of them this past year since my jump. 

 

I noticed a few symptoms that I got when I hit Gabapentin tolerance in February 2014 disappear after the first three months of acute, which ended February 2015.  Are you still on Gabapentin and seroquel?

[[88...]]

Hi everybody,

I'm in a wave and I get pretty unchatty (I guess spell check doesn't think that's a word) when that happens.

So...I've been reading a new Sue Grafton mystery and I've been taking long baths.

Here's to healing---

My digestion has been messed up since right before I went off paxil cold turkey. Custom Probiotics'

d-lactate free probiotics have helped. I've found that some supplements/probiotics have additives

that bug my tummy, so don't despair if the new probiotic made you feel yucky, Sofa.

We're all getting there---

xoxo

Iggy

[[so...]]

Hey Iggy,

 

Maybe I'll order yours on Amazon.  I could go back to the Optimum probiotic that didn't bother me too.

[[Ba...]]

SFD,

 

Yes I'm still on seroquel and gabbapentin.

 

Are saying your symptoms got better when you went off these?

 

I had a relatively good day yesterday. Today I'm in much pain with electrical shocks. I'm so much better than I was a year ago, but still.

 

[[so...]]

Bailey,

 

I was on Gabapentin, no seroquel.  My back pain, nausea, cog fog, dizziness went away 3 months after I CT'd the Gabapentin and Ativan.  My other symptoms still hold on strong at one year out.

 

My biggest problem is the constant underlying anxiety that threatens to blow up into panic unless I grab it by the horns and wrestle it to the ground.  I still feel just overall sick sick sick.  Out of it.

 

 

 

Sofa

[[so...]]

Hey Buddies,

 

We are going to get to 100% healed in the next six months, regardless of CT or tapering or exercise or bedridden or eating restrictive diets or eating whatever we can shove down.

 

We are going to heal and have beautiful symptom-free lives and this will all be in our rear view mirror. 

 

I know we may not feel this way now, but the success stories tell us we will ALL make it.

 

Love, Sofa

[[Ba...]]

Sofa,

I've had just a few episodes of anxiety, but they were terrible. I'm so sorry you're going through this still.

 

Thanks for the encouragement that we are all going to get well from here on out. I, for one, really needed to hear that

[[so...]]

Bailey,

 

Everybody EVERYBODY HEALS.  The torture of all this is nobody knows WHEN and we're all different in our healing times, so there's no ability to compare ourselves to somebody else's healing time with any kind of reliability.  Some people take 25 pills over two or three weeks, others take 250 pills over 4 months, others take thousands of pills over years--they could all heal at the same time!  It's insane!

 

Today was one of those days for me where I find myself discouraged and hopeless.  The relentless never ending withdrawal!  Nothing was particularly worse today.  But nothing was any better either.  The same old Groundhog Day crapola.  I'm just so tired of this!

 

Okay.  Wa wa wa over.  I'm sorry. 

 

Everybody heals 100%.  My daily mantra.  I would get a tattoo of that mantra on my ass, but I'm 62 and it would look wrinkly like EbbLy BUbbly HEaLs //$&@%.

 

Anybody else have a tattoo they'd like to get as a memento of this sh*tshow?

 

Love, Sofa

[[St...]]

I think my tattoo would read "benzos suck"

[[Ba...]]

You're right we will heal, we ate healing. Today I will go for a walk, last year I couldn't do that.

[[so...]]

Great Bailey.  Keep walking.  Keep moving if you can.  Keep remembering how much more you can do than you used to.

 

Sofa

[[88...]]

Hi Stuckindoors,

I'd add:

being off benzos rocks!

 

[[so...]]

Tattoo #2

 

Showerless.  I'll wait till it rains.

[[St...]]

OMG so i'm on day three of my anti biotic course (augmentin) and it has literally sent me back into acute. I mean i feel like i'm living in a hurricane of symptoms right now. Don't know what to do. I am so revved up that i have literally only had a couple of hours sleep in total for the last two nights, and my body just feels like it can't take any more of this revved up nervous energy. I also feel a horrible mix of mental anxiety and depression when i've never really felt depressed through this entire process, yeah i haven't been over the moon about it all but this really feels like a dark cloud hanging over me. Do i stop the augmentin straight away? It's a seven day course and i'm three days in, so should i just tough it out? I haven't felt any improvement in my throat/ear infection yet either. Having to deal with the aggravated withdrawal symptoms caused by having a virus the last three weeks already had me at my limit but this has taken this nightmare to a whole other level. I'm at breaking point whatever that means.

 

I was also prescribed a steroid nasal spray called Fluticasone Furoate, i'm going to stop taking that this morning, and see how i do on the antibiotic on its own if i have another night like last night i'm just going to have to tell my doc that i can hack it

 

If i search both the nasal spray and the antibiotic on here, i can find a lot of other buddies that have had an allergic reaction like this to these drugs, but i'm pretty sure you could search out the name of every anti biotic no here and you'll find someone that's struggled, so i'm really at a loss at what to do. My doc says this infection needs to be treated, as its been three weeks and if it was going to heal itself it would have done so by now.

 

[[St...]]

There are so many cases like this one: http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=145405.0

 

[[so...]]

Stuck,

 

Can your doctor prescribe a different antibiotic?

 

I know your symptoms are revved up, but maybe stopping the nasal spray will alleviate you symptoms.

 

Our CNS is so easily revved, this was bound to happen to you.  I'm so sorry you're suffering.  Hang on.  It'll be over soon.

 

Love, Sofa

[[so...]]

Well, I had two horrible days of chemical anxiety, heart racing and palps, adrenaline, the whole marching band.  Grrrrrr.

 

I got some relief this afternoon and evening.  How is everyone else doing?

 

This thread is really quiet these days.  I'll just keep posting and hope more people will join in the conversation.

 

I hope everybody is having an easy day today.

 

Sofa

[[MT...]]

Hi. I just joined the club today. This seems to be a pretty quiet time period--not because of symptoms being quiet. I've been gobsmacked by nausea, belly pain and diarrhea again and being super tired again after very little sleep since Wednesday night. I was excited about getting some natural sleep Friday and Saturday night but the wired and tired of the other nights is getting to me. Still, I'm thankful to have made it this far.

 

I have tachycardia off and on now but my heart beat is always loud and distracting. It blows me away when I meditate and my heartrate is still in the 90s or above. Oh well.

[[so...]]

MT,

 

Welcome to the club!

 

I have the racing heartbeat and heart palps all the time too.  It's the pits.  Today was the best day I've had in WD so far, so maybe our clubhouse members will heal in the 12-18 month time period.  I've seen in other threads that you've notice some improvements.  You go girl!  This could be the beginning of the end!

 

Stuck,

 

How are you doing, my friend?  Is the antibiotic episode over?  I pray you are feeling much better.  We are here for you no matter what you need.  We are all going to heal from this.  Everybody heals!

 

Love you guys,  Sofa

[[MT...]]

Sofa, I'm so EXCITED that you've had a better day. Hang onto that until they become more frequent.

 

I haven't felt as sick today as I did Saturday-Monday. My belly is improving a bit but still is off. It helped to get some sleep. I hope tomorrow is lighter for all of us.

[[so...]]

MT,

 

Try hot milk before bedtime.  It gave me stomach pain the first night, but I slept better.  I am going slower with it now to prevent stomach pain.

 

I'm eating a hypoglycemic diet now.  Pattylu, a healed BB veteran, has been mentoring me via pm.  She is wonderful and I'm following everything she says to do and not do.  I will pass along her suggestions if you want.

 

This is a very hellacious journey, full of potholes.  Let's just keep moving in the right direction, one step at a time.

 

Love, Sofa