New 12-18 Month Buddy Group

[[so...]]

Bubbles and Katie,

 

I am right with you.  The endless cortisol surges, the "will this ever end" thoughts, the anxiety, the ill sick feeling.  Ugh.  I'm so glad you feel 80% most days, Bubbles.  You are just having an insomnia bout.  It will pass.  So many weird change-ups, but not feeling progress. 

 

Hoping the next 3 months will usher in 100% recovery from this crap.  Feeling low and discouraged.  We will get there.  More time and then some more time.

 

Love, Judy

[[Bu...]]

Can we all just rent a beach house and hang out in the sunshine until this is over?

 

Bubbles

[[...]]

Beach!  yes please. 

 

Sofa.  It'll get better.  Just keep on hanging on.  I had no indication that the cortisol rushs would stop.  They just did one day.  I think, unless I ever dip into a seriously bad wave, I won't have them return.  If they do I'll just have to accept it I guess.  You have to get better.  I truly believe you will.

 

 

Sorry I haven't been posting much.  You guys are such chatty cathies here and in the other threads.  I literally haven't had time to catch up on the dialogue. I have had my busy little one keeping me at my limits of mental and physical attentiveness.  He is a distraction which is nice though. 

 

So many times, I get a few minutes to glimpse at the 6-12 and the 12-18 threads and wish I could devote a good half hour to take part in the dialogues.

 

That's why if you see me post a message it's usually 1 or 2 lines.  It's because I have an 18 month old hanging off me hahahaha.

 

Oh well, such is life. 

[[so...]]

Aw Geek,

 

Your company, no matter how infrequent it may be, is always a breath of fresh air.  Thank you for telling me I will heal.  I need to hear it 100 times a day, and then another 100 times before bedtime.  You always seem to give me that boost of hope.  I want you to know how I appreciate your compassion and your dry sense of humor.  You always make me smile, except when I'm in the middle of an anal cramp. 

 

Love, Judy

[[MT...]]

It sounds like the waves with discouragement have been really getting to some of us. Let's leave the waves to the beach and head there. Wouldn't that be great to hang together and have that IRL support while we heal?

 

Today I've had some relief. I think I'll actually cause it a leaning towards good day, even if it wasn't all of the way into good/window territory. I wasn't quite as exhausted and my mood and anxiety weren't problems. It was a short day at work because of the snow. I'll take any relief that comes my way.

 

Geek, I can't imagine doing this with an 18 month old. You're doing great to ever get on BB. I remember never making it to the bathroom without my little toddler buddies. They hated anything that distracted me from them, even if it was my own personal care. How are you doing with the screaming and meltdowns?

[[...]]

Geek, I can't imagine doing this with an 18 month old. You're doing great to ever get on BB. I remember never making it to the bathroom without my little toddler buddies. They hated anything that distracted me from them, even if it was my own personal care. How are you doing with the screaming and meltdowns?

 

 

Ya.  There's no such thing as closed doors for bathroom trips now.  Either he's with me, or he's not and I have to have the door open to listen to what he's getting into.

 

Todlers are mentally unstable.  I draw a lot of lines between mental development of the young human brain, and the adult human brain with mental issues.  lol.    It's incredible how fast they can swing from bliss to misery and back to bliss.    Bipolar much???

 

It's a constant task to keep him amused and not screaming.  Silence is golden if he's in eye-shot. 

 

Unless he's out of sight, then silence is suspicious.

[[MT...]]

Yep, silence is terrifying with toddlers. It seems to me that toddlerhood involves manifesting all of the diagnoses in the DSM tour fashion, with some being frequent fliers. Bipolar all the time (from laughing to screaming, sobbing, yelling in less than 3 seconds), psychosis/schizophrenia with what they see and believe, eating disorders, anxiety (the things that can be terrifying and monsters are everywhere) and so forth. You should get a t-shirt at some point that says, "I survived toddlerhood." But they're also sweet, adorable, and often smell good. There's nothing like their hugs, kisses and joy. Hang in there Geek.

[[so...]]

Well buddies, anxiety head rushes and heart pounding kicked my butt today.  I feel the bus backed over me a couple of times.

 

Love, Sofa

[[...]]

Ya Sofa, I've been having a lot of heart pounding today too.    Sofa, when you are getting a lot of pounding, hows your blood pressure?

 

Whenever I get a lot of pounding, I can't seem to correlate it to high systolic like you'd think.    I always seem to have borderline low BP.  I think that's what contributes to my random floating feelings.  Like I'm on a boat for a second.  It's very fleeting though and I can't seem to recreate it.

 

I've been spared random anxiety except when I was in tolerance and tapering.  I never had anxiety issues before benzos.  Though with the all the whacky fluttering my heart does it makes me a bit nervous sometimes.

 

Question to everyone:

 

How is your evening's these days, symptom wise.    Less than during the day?

 

[[MT...]]

Sofa,

 

What a stupid, mean bus. Please do the iron man thing and flash your hand at it to crush the SOB. No more buses running over you!

 

Geek,

 

The heart pounding and tachycardia can be really draining. I find it hard to relax or rest when it's racing away and my BP stays pretty low too. I don't remember the name of it but there's some law of the heart that for the purpose of protecting the heart/body, that when our HR goes up, it tries to compensate by making our BP go down and when our BP goes up it tries to compensate by making our HR go down. It causes less stress to the system. That's its first choice but obviously sometimes it doesn't work that way.

 

My evenings are usually a bit better, often the best part of the day symptom wise unless I've really overdone it. That may be why I tend to wake up to a more alert state than I've felt all day. My mind is all excited about feeling some relief. Mornings are the worst and I want to vote them off the island.

 

MT

[[ml...]]

Hi guys...

 

Wanted to pop in and say hi. Sounds like you are all soldiering on the last couple days! I have had a better last 2 days myself. So glad when normality comes back again.

I'm surely, as I approach the solid 1 year mark next Monday, better 90% of the time.

 

Its SO ODD though when you do have a rough day, your brain slips right back into benzo world, thinking you are doomed for life. This is so friggin bizarre! What it does to our psyche is CRAZY! We have to be so strong indeed to do this!

 

My oldest daughter is getting married in May, so I am also now in major wedding planning mode. I'm so excited and I just had the best 2 days planning and shopping and arranging for it. This is a VERY good and joyful distraction for sure!

 

I refuse to let this healing, steal any of my joy for this event. I have 2 daughters and I have waited all their childhood for this moment. Its so precious and she's so beautiful and happy.

 

I will pop in as I can and just know I think of you all and will keep my prayers on you!

 

Lysa

[[so...]]

Geek,

 

My BP stays pretty much the same 125/72 or so, even with my heart racing.  Evenings are always better, even normal sometimes.

 

Lysa,

 

I'm happy you are so much better and enjoying your wedding planning.

 

Love, Sofa

[[Sa...]]

Hello to all here on the 12-18 month group.

Today is my first day into my second year off K. One year & one day.

I hope everyone is doing well, if not hoping for better days and full healing.

 

[[MT...]]

Welcome Saraa into the boldly going forward into 2nd year and beyond club. Making it to this point is a big deal IMO.

 

I've been hit by a bug this weekend but I think I'm starting to turn around. I'm going to recommend no bugs for any BB while recovering and I'll abstain from here on

[[...]]

Ya MT.

 

I've been avoiding ANYBODY whos sick, like they had the plague.  Touch wood, a year out and I'm managing.

 

 

Welcome Saraa and congratulations on making it this far!  Welcome to the year you heal. 

[[so...]]

Welcome, Saraa!

 

This is the year of our 100% recovery.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

 

I seem to be in a pattern of 2 days moderate 1 day hell.  Today is hell day.  Oh well.  Pushing towards the finish line.

 

Love, Sofa

[[MT...]]

Welcome, Saraa!

 

This is the year of our 100% recovery.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

 

I seem to be in a pattern of 2 days moderate 1 day hell.  Today is hell day.  Oh well.  Pushing towards the finish line.

 

Love, Sofa

 

Amen! As they say on the X-files, "I want to believe." I figure believing 2016 is my year to heal is far more likely to help than going around thinking and saying, "All hope abandon ye who enter here." 

 

MT

[[ml...]]

Hi everyone...welcome saraa.

 

I cheated, next Monday is officially a year, but I'm already there if you count 4 weeks being a month, lol 

 

I know nothing spectacular may happen on our 12th month marker, but for me, its more about a milestone in this healing. I have wanted a year behind this hell so bad and now its here, for that I am so grateful and VERY hopeful. Today was a good day.

 

Hang in there Judy, a new day tmro. 

 

love to all 

Lysa

[[so...]]

Thanks MT and Lysa and Saraa and Geek for listening to my moaning.  Yes, this is a new year and tomorrow will always be a new day, full of the unexpected.  I am determined to believe our GABA receptors will all grow back in 2016 and will be playing together properly like the philharmonic.  I sure hope so, since I've been listening to this off-key high school band for 14.5 months now and it's getting old.

 

Love, Judy

[[Sa...]]

MTfan, Geek, Sofa, mlmagic, - Hi all! Thank you for welcoming me in this elite group of survivors.

 

I am happy to read that symptoms are easing a bit more or less for everyone here. 

Sofa, i am sorry you had your down day today, the good news is that its followed by 2 days of good, perhaps more this time.

:boxer:Not quite 100% but we are getting there

[[ml...]]

Thanks MT and Lysa and Saraa and Geek for listening to my moaning.  Yes, this is a new year and tomorrow will always be a new day, full of the unexpected.  I am determined to believe our GABA receptors will all grow back in 2016 and will be playing together properly like the philharmonic.  I sure hope so, since I've been listening to this off-key high school band for 14.5 months now and it's getting old.

 

Love, Judy

 

[[so...]]

Saraa,

 

You are doing so so well and I couldn't be happier.  Well, I could be happier if I was fully recovered, to be perfectly honest.  Ha!

 

Love you, Judy

[[...]]

I'll listen to your moaning Sofa is you listen to mine.     

[[so...]]

Geek,

 

You got a deal!

[[Sa...]]

Sofa,

 

Full recovery is on its way, don't loose heart.

Wishing today is a better day for you