New member & some Questions that might find answers

[[si...]]

Hi,

as there are no real Forums over here in Europe, that do any justice to BBs, i signed on here.

As a new member, i guess, i dont understand the rules or ways from the beginning; so help will be happily taken.

Im 33 years, using Benzos over a decade. Heroin, too. Heroin has been succesfully withdrawn, and wasnt consumed since some months.

I had years of Valium addiction, with unstable doses; varying from 20mg to 60mg or more a day. Now im on Clonazepam.

i managed to taper it down to 4 mg a day, that was 2 months ago; then i decided to get rid of it, once and for all.

Now i am at 2,5 mg a day. So, slowly Depression gets more, Anxiety creeps back in: whats your best methods for Anxiety specifically.

I develop more and more, as i had years ago, Agoraphobia and other social fears. 

In terms of sleep: i dont sleep to bad atm, it has gotten better for some reason. Still its not what i am aiming for.

I usually fall asleep now quite fast, within 1 max 2 hours. Though i dont sleep long, and sleep is interrupted, sometimes im just awake and 2 in the morning, its always 2, and then its hard to get back to sleep, or not possible. I havent used anything this time, since i decided to come off; no pharma product or alternative substance.
 

Excuse my english, if its not proper. But i think you'll get the point. If i am to post somewhere else, i am glad if a moderater will tell me so.

 

Thanks

[[...]]

54 minutes ago, [[s...] said:

Hi,

as there are no real Forums over here in Europe, that do any justice to BBs, i signed on here.

As a new member, i guess, i dont understand the rules or ways from the beginning; so help will be happily taken.

Im 33 years, using Benzos over a decade. Heroin, too. Heroin has been succesfully withdrawn, and wasnt consumed since some months.

I had years of Valium addiction, with unstable doses; varying from 20mg to 60mg or more a day. Now im on Clonazepam.

i managed to taper it down to 4 mg a day, that was 2 months ago; then i decided to get rid of it, once and for all.

Now i am at 2,5 mg a day. So, slowly Depression gets more, Anxiety creeps back in: whats your best methods for Anxiety specifically.

I develop more and more, as i had years ago, Agoraphobia and other social fears. 

In terms of sleep: i dont sleep to bad atm, it has gotten better for some reason. Still its not what i am aiming for.

I usually fall asleep now quite fast, within 1 max 2 hours. Though i dont sleep long, and sleep is interrupted, sometimes im just awake and 2 in the morning, its always 2, and then its hard to get back to sleep, or not possible. I havent used anything this time, since i decided to come off; no pharma product or alternative substance.
 

Excuse my english, if its not proper. But i think you'll get the point. If i am to post somewhere else, i am glad if a moderater will tell me so.

Thanks

Good morning, @[si...]! Welcome to Benzobuddies! In my opinion, it's the best place to go to to seek advice&support and share experience in a most friendly way) I live in Europe too and English isn't my mother tongue either)

Yes, anxiety & depression are often our fellow travellers in this trying journey but they will most definitely get off our train in the end. 

I'm not an expert at tapering off benzo. My taper, successful as it is, was a bumpy road. But i' m sure other more knowledgeable members will look in and advise you soon. 

For a start, i'd like you to elaborate on your original dose of clonazepam. Think it would help others to understand your situation better.

Good luck to you!)

 

[[si...]]

Hi Kate.

Wow. Very fast and nice. I think you talk about my starting dose with Clonazepam (Rivotril)?
As i had consumed it without supervision for some years, it is hard to say.
As i was multiple drug user, i had no schedule at all.
I had episodes where i was taking lots of amphetamines, so consequently i needed more benzodiazepines, so i just ate pills without monitoring. In the last 3 years, where i was almost constantly using heroin, i didnt take to much: approximately 4-6 mg of Clonazepam per day, mixed with alprazolam ( not every day), and other downers.
But i think 5 mg would be the closest that comes to an original dose in the last 3 years.

 

Thank you! 

[[Th...]]

Welcome,

Maybe take the time to read this rather long post.  It should answer a lot of your questions?

https://benzobuddies.org/topic/270442-2400-days-off-my-insomniabenzo-advice/page/4/#comment-3510335

 

[[si...]]

God damn! I havent read it all, just yet... but, it is very encouraging and above that very well written.
 

I might as well try and sleep on it.

Thanks buddy!

[[En...]]

I am currently tapering off clonozapam from an original dose of 2mg. I am at 0.5mg. I found anxiety and a depression I have never felt before during all my taper. I searched the internet trying to find ways to cope. It is not you it is the medication making you feel this way. Same with the agoraphobia that is very common too. It does get better with time. I find a taper that is done by how you are feeling is best to keep the symptoms manageable. I taper when I feel good after my last taper. Usually every 2 weeks. I taper 25% of what I have left to go. 0.5mg will be 0.125mg my next taper or a quarter of the 0.5mg tablet. I find this to be the best way to still feel somewhat functional. 

[[...]]

@[En...], yes, absolutely agree. All the anxiety during the withdrawal or caused by benzo is chemical. We just can't help it but distract ourself as best as we can and wait it out. 

My chemical anxiety 'd been coming and going till the 8th mnth of WD. But it finally left me, hope, for good) Guess yours will do the same in the end

 

[[Tw...]]

11 hours ago, [[s...] said:

Hi,

as there are no real Forums over here in Europe, that do any justice to BBs, i signed on here.

As a new member, i guess, i dont understand the rules or ways from the beginning; so help will be happily taken.

Im 33 years, using Benzos over a decade. Heroin, too. Heroin has been succesfully withdrawn, and wasnt consumed since some months.

I had years of Valium addiction, with unstable doses; varying from 20mg to 60mg or more a day. Now im on Clonazepam.

i managed to taper it down to 4 mg a day, that was 2 months ago; then i decided to get rid of it, once and for all.

Now i am at 2,5 mg a day. So, slowly Depression gets more, Anxiety creeps back in: whats your best methods for Anxiety specifically.

I develop more and more, as i had years ago, Agoraphobia and other social fears. 

In terms of sleep: i dont sleep to bad atm, it has gotten better for some reason. Still its not what i am aiming for.

I usually fall asleep now quite fast, within 1 max 2 hours. Though i dont sleep long, and sleep is interrupted, sometimes im just awake and 2 in the morning, its always 2, and then its hard to get back to sleep, or not possible. I havent used anything this time, since i decided to come off; no pharma product or alternative substance.
 

Excuse my english, if its not proper. But i think you'll get the point. If i am to post somewhere else, i am glad if a moderater will tell me so.

Thanks

Welcome to benzobuddies. This is a fabulous support group and you will find lots of people who have been where you are now @[si...] You are posting in the right spot. I quit benzodiazepines 2 months ago, and I also struggle with depression and anxiety. Time and practicing positive coping skills helps a lot to alleviate symptoms of withdrawal. 

 

[[...]]

15 hours ago, [[s...] said:

Hi Kate.

Wow. Very fast and nice. I think you talk about my starting dose with Clonazepam (Rivotril)?
As i had consumed it without supervision for some years, it is hard to say.
As i was multiple drug user, i had no schedule at all.
I had episodes where i was taking lots of amphetamines, so consequently i needed more benzodiazepines, so i just ate pills without monitoring. In the last 3 years, where i was almost constantly using heroin, i didnt take to much: approximately 4-6 mg of Clonazepam per day, mixed with alprazolam ( not every day), and other downers.
But i think 5 mg would be the closest that comes to an original dose in the last 3 years.

Thank you! 

@[si...], hi again)

I looked through your taper once again. You seem to be doing it too quickly. As far as i know it's recommended to reduce by 5-10% of your current dose and hold for 2-3 weeks. It must allow your body to adapt to benzo withdrawing better and, most likely, develop fewer symptoms of less intensity. No wonder your anxiety and depression 've started to show up.

As for me, the best coping method was learning more and more about benzo. I mean about the processes causing all the ridiculous and unbearable issues. The more i knew the less i was afraid and the better i coped with all the symptoms. I had lots of them, including anxiety, although didn't have depression. Hanging in here and communicating with buddies of the same condition helped and helps me too. Explore the forum, find those of your feather

 

 

[[si...]]

11 hours ago, [[E...] said:

I am currently tapering off clonozapam from an original dose of 2mg. I am at 0.5mg. I found anxiety and a depression I have never felt before during all my taper. I searched the internet trying to find ways to cope. It is not you it is the medication making you feel this way. Same with the agoraphobia that is very common too. It does get better with time. I find a taper that is done by how you are feeling is best to keep the symptoms manageable. I taper when I feel good after my last taper. Usually every 2 weeks. I taper 25% of what I have left to go. 0.5mg will be 0.125mg my next taper or a quarter of the 0.5mg tablet. I find this to be the best way to still feel somewhat functional. 

Glad to hear you found a way that suits you. So after your next taper you leave the sinking ship?
Keep me updated, im interested. I read a lot that benzo is responsible for everything; i think its a good way to make it your enemy, and WD and getting off it is easiert then. But i started taking it because of problems, which were there before. So i am partly afraid, they get worse. Not that i dont believe i can cure them: that is what i am looking for. I see it somewhat like an experiment; myself, my life, my development, my WD.
Im curios and look at all the symptoms and effects in a distanced way. Its good sometimes and bad other times. No doubt the intensity of symptoms is caused by WD.
I wish you all the best for now and hopefully read more about you

[[si...]]

10 hours ago, [[T...] said:

Welcome to benzobuddies. This is a fabulous support group and you will find lots of people who have been where you are now @[si...] You are posting in the right spot. I quit benzodiazepines 2 months ago, and I also struggle with depression and anxiety. Time and practicing positive coping skills helps a lot to alleviate symptoms of withdrawal. 

Thank you TwylaOliva! I came across some of your posts. 
Your already there: 2 months off! Congratulations. Sounds good.
Hang in there, and experience and see whats getting better.
Some things always get better, you just have to see what it is.

When i quit Heroin the last time, i really ( in most ways) starting disliking it, because it takes away so much.
As i am very much interested in many subjects and dwell on them: be it: History, Astronomy, Architecture and so on, i realized after years, i lost my interest. Or it was blanketed by Heroin.
So each time i came out of that bubble, i felt, after some weeks or months interests growing again.
Same with Benzos; they make me comfortable, because my brain always worked to fcking fast, i felt.
I could either jump on that train, take music, poems, paintings: well, any idea from it, and get off it.
But jumping off a highspeed  train is not easy, either getting on it. But its worth it. More than that god forsaken slowboat, floating down a boring and muddy stream, with nothing to give but "security".

Thanks for posting here and all the best
 

[[si...]]

[[...]]

@[si...]) Oh! You're a philosopher! Guess i was lucky to think of the train when welcoming you

I like your attitude towards the time of hardship in general and benzo withdrawal in particular. Believe it will help you no end but, nevertheless, i'd strongly recommend to make your taper smoother. Otherwise you risk reinstating benzo in case it's CT or updosing if the taper is too quick.. Not necessary and yet. Benzo is such a tricky & insidious pill. I know it for myself.

In case you're interested in learning further info on benzo and its withdrawal, there is a long cool post by a fellow sufferer here on BB   https://benzobuddies.org/topic/183039-what-is-happening-in-your-brain-by-parker/ I found it very helpful and enjoyable. Even translated and discussed it with my 'benzo friend' who thought she was dying when we got acquainted. She was reassured then and has been getting better ever since, not in a linear way but still.

I'm 13+ months benzo free. Yes, there is a short history of mine in my profile. You can read it) I'm much better than i used to be but not completely cured yet. I still have lots of pain some days but i feel really happy morally, true!))   The reason i found myself on benzo was common. It was a long term stress resulted in severe insomnia. 

It's cloudy and cold where i'm but no rain)

 

[[si...]]

Gladly its not cold here.
I have been through your history and happy to read, you are fighting the pain; i guess to believe in the good, is to look for it. A premise to everyone who wants a change, or wants something metaphysical in general.
Well, thanks for the advice to a slower taper; i hear it more and more from people around me, people who care and people who have experience. Its just that damn "overestimation of oneself" that im afraid of, which is haunting me all my life in episodes. Also: hard to describe. Along with getting bored so easy, being restless as hell, and still never satisfied. I guess thats part of the reason, i started taking benzos & drugs again back in the day. Though, this time, i tell myself (while doubting it in some ways already), its for good.
I might sound a little, as the lawyers say: non compos mentis; though, im a nice guy.

I hope reading more of you, as we also share the same clock, as i have a feeling.

Bon courage

[[En...]]

7 hours ago, [[s...] said:

Glad to hear you found a way that suits you. So after your next taper you leave the sinking ship?
Keep me updated, im interested. I read a lot that benzo is responsible for everything; i think its a good way to make it your enemy, and WD and getting off it is easiert then. But i started taking it because of problems, which were there before. So i am partly afraid, they get worse. Not that i dont believe i can cure them: that is what i am looking for. I see it somewhat like an experiment; myself, my life, my development, my WD.
Im curios and look at all the symptoms and effects in a distanced way. Its good sometimes and bad other times. No doubt the intensity of symptoms is caused by WD.
I wish you all the best for now and hopefully read more about you

I will always be here to support other people who are going through this. I am not done yet and I still have withdrawal I am not out of the woods yet. I still have the awful antipsychotic to get off of. I think that was the worst as I remember the day my feelings were disappearing. That was the day my personality went away. It was scary time and I was very concerned about it. I thought I will never be the same again. Antipsychotics block dopamine which is your pleasure center. On top of the clonazepam I was also on this awful pill. 2 awful pills that took who I was away. My adult son used to call me every day and talk to me about his day. I was so out of it he stopped calling me. That put me in a depression. I had awful akathisia and was pacing around my house all day. I couldn't sit down even I tried. My legs were so tired. I had a hot temperature all over my body. Clonazepam was never my friend. As the akathisia went away because of the antipsychotic I was able to start weaning off the clonazepam. That took 3 months for me to be stable enough to start to wean. My anxiety was through the roof and I wasn't sleeping more than  a couple hours a night. My OCD was and still is bad during a taper. I think about work a lot. It was my purpose. I am at 0.5mg clonazepam and I'm here to say if you take your taper slowly and listen to your body before you make cuts you will feel much better. If I had any advice for anyone is to listen to your body and feel good before you taper further. I am concerned about the next awful pill I have to get off of the antipsychotic. It was a good thing I took it because it helped me with my anxiety and stopped the akathisia.  But at the same time it took who I was away. Took my motivation. Took my life's pleasures. It is a double edged sword. But I know I will be myself again when I am off both pills. I will never touch another psych medication ever again. I will stay on the prozac only because it is working. I feel it today it is stopping my OCD and anxiety and depression. The depression was something I never felt before. Ir was so deep and inhibiting. There is no shame in taking these meds if they help you function normally. I have been through therapy and it doesn't help me much but medication helps. I am at peace with that now. I should have never weaned off effexor I was ok before I did that. Everything feel apart for me after that.

I am on a journey to get back into who I was. I know one day the old me will be back.i feel better already. I will be weaning off the antipsychotic soon as well and get back to work and my normal life. It will just take time but I am progressing. Take your time with this process. Allow your brain the time it needs to heal. You will be successful if you take your time and listen to your body. If you suffer through this you will relapse trying the feel better. That will just kindle you and the rest of your taper will be worse than if you just waited the symptoms to get better before you continue. 

Good luck in your journey and I pray you will be yourself again one day too. And thank you for your interest in my journey. I plan to be here every day it is therapy for me and everyone is very supportive. 

[[En...]]

8 hours ago, [[s...] said:

Glad to hear you found a way that suits you. So after your next taper you leave the sinking ship?
Keep me updated, im interested. I read a lot that benzo is responsible for everything; i think its a good way to make it your enemy, and WD and getting off it is easiert then. But i started taking it because of problems, which were there before. So i am partly afraid, they get worse. Not that i dont believe i can cure them: that is what i am looking for. I see it somewhat like an experiment; myself, my life, my development, my WD.
Im curios and look at all the symptoms and effects in a distanced way. Its good sometimes and bad other times. No doubt the intensity of symptoms is caused by WD.
I wish you all the best for now and hopefully read more about you

I will also add the problems you had before the benzodiazepine will still be there. That is why I went on the prozac. I need it I have a mental illness. I know when I am off this horrible pill I will be better. Maybe for you it is coping skills through CBT therapy. Maybe you need antidepressants. Make sure you are working to resolve what ever problems were there that made you go on these pills. We were prescribed these meds originally for a reason so work on that reason so you dont end up back on them in the future.

Just my advice. 

[[si...]]

4 hours ago, [[E...] said:

I will always be here to support other people who are going through this. I am not done yet and I still have withdrawal I am not out of the woods yet. I still have the awful antipsychotic to get off of. I think that was the worst as I remember the day my feelings were disappearing. That was the day my personality went away. It was scary time and I was very concerned about it. I thought I will never be the same again. Antipsychotics block dopamine which is your pleasure center. On top of the clonazepam I was also on this awful pill. 2 awful pills that took who I was away. My adult son used to call me every day and talk to me about his day. I was so out of it he stopped calling me. That put me in a depression. I had awful akathisia and was pacing around my house all day. I couldn't sit down even I tried. My legs were so tired. I had a hot temperature all over my body. Clonazepam was never my friend. As the akathisia went away because of the antipsychotic I was able to start weaning off the clonazepam. That took 3 months for me to be stable enough to start to wean. My anxiety was through the roof and I wasn't sleeping more than  a couple hours a night. My OCD was and still is bad during a taper. I think about work a lot. It was my purpose. I am at 0.5mg clonazepam and I'm here to say if you take your taper slowly and listen to your body before you make cuts you will feel much better. If I had any advice for anyone is to listen to your body and feel good before you taper further. I am concerned about the next awful pill I have to get off of the antipsychotic. It was a good thing I took it because it helped me with my anxiety and stopped the akathisia.  But at the same time it took who I was away. Took my motivation. Took my life's pleasures. It is a double edged sword. But I know I will be myself again when I am off both pills. I will never touch another psych medication ever again. I will stay on the prozac only because it is working. I feel it today it is stopping my OCD and anxiety and depression. The depression was something I never felt before. Ir was so deep and inhibiting. There is no shame in taking these meds if they help you function normally. I have been through therapy and it doesn't help me much but medication helps. I am at peace with that now. I should have never weaned off effexor I was ok before I did that. Everything feel apart for me after that.

I am on a journey to get back into who I was. I know one day the old me will be back.i feel better already. I will be weaning off the antipsychotic soon as well and get back to work and my normal life. It will just take time but I am progressing. Take your time with this process. Allow your brain the time it needs to heal. You will be successful if you take your time and listen to your body. If you suffer through this you will relapse trying the feel better. That will just kindle you and the rest of your taper will be worse than if you just waited the symptoms to get better before you continue. 

Good luck in your journey and I pray you will be yourself again one day too. And thank you for your interest in my journey. I plan to be here every day it is therapy for me and everyone is very supportive. 

Good God. That sounds horrible. I had bad experience, bad WD from drugs, but your story sounds like a nightmare. Well, i had nightmares, in sleep and while wake. I think i am so damn depressed since many many years that i got a little foolish, careless and indifferent; on the other hand all these "bad" qualities can be used to my benefit: i am rash, foolhardy and so on. And this depression or whatever it is made me be quite a loner. I choose to, not out of anxiety. By loner i mean: i have less than a handful very important people around me. I know them long; i see them rarely. Sometimes not for months. 
Joy and a "meaning" or at least a compensation i find in so many things. 
Walks, thoughts, ideas, forests, books, writing, painting, music.
Do most people i seem like a fruitcake, a weird fish; i tend do fck up ordinary things quite good and often, as i dont function too well rationally. Like driving a car or dealing with numbers, insurances or whatever.
So far, and i really can say this, i been fcking lucky! Really if there is somehting like a god, it looks after fools.
I guess what i wanted to get to was: part of me thinks i am crazy, or mentally ill, or whatever you wanna call it, other part: is happy to be what i am, and to put it in the words of Ken Kesey: im no different than the average asshole out there. Theres mental problems running through my family, detected and undetected: from schizophrenia, that drove my brother mad till he had to go and extreme OCD both mum and dad.
Still im here. Not long. So might as well make something out of it; its all going to dust in the end anyway.
Thats also a good mantra for anxiety and worries about the future. 
Which makes them more bearable, as you only see them as symptoms: like the wheater.
Thanks for your post!   

[[En...]]

30 minutes ago, [[s...] said:

Good God. That sounds horrible. I had bad experience, bad WD from drugs, but your story sounds like a nightmare. Well, i had nightmares, in sleep and while wake. I think i am so damn depressed since many many years that i got a little foolish, careless and indifferent; on the other hand all these "bad" qualities can be used to my benefit: i am rash, foolhardy and so on. And this depression or whatever it is made me be quite a loner. I choose to, not out of anxiety. By loner i mean: i have less than a handful very important people around me. I know them long; i see them rarely. Sometimes not for months. 
Joy and a "meaning" or at least a compensation i find in so many things. 
Walks, thoughts, ideas, forests, books, writing, painting, music.
Do most people i seem like a fruitcake, a weird fish; i tend do fck up ordinary things quite good and often, as i dont function too well rationally. Like driving a car or dealing with numbers, insurances or whatever.
So far, and i really can say this, i been fcking lucky! Really if there is somehting like a god, it looks after fools.
I guess what i wanted to get to was: part of me thinks i am crazy, or mentally ill, or whatever you wanna call it, other part: is happy to be what i am, and to put it in the words of Ken Kesey: im no different than the average asshole out there. Theres mental problems running through my family, detected and undetected: from schizophrenia, that drove my brother mad till he had to go and extreme OCD both mum and dad.
Still im here. Not long. So might as well make something out of it; its all going to dust in the end anyway.
Thats also a good mantra for anxiety and worries about the future. 
Which makes them more bearable, as you only see them as symptoms: like the wheater.
Thanks for your post!   

There is no shame in having mental illness. We cannot help it. It is tormenting. I am glad I found this website. It helps me connect with people who are like minded and who are going through the same thing I am. My mistake was thinking i didnt need meds. I was on them for a very long time and didnt realize just how much they helped me. It is nothing to be ashamed of. I have to be on antidepressants so I never see another benzodiazepine again. Ever. God looks after all of us. I believe in the Holy Spirit and pray often to help me through this. I find comfort in my faith. 

I am a loner as well. I cant say I have a good friend. I blow relationships. Male and female. I accept that. I feel it is better if I stay away from personal relationships for the sake of the other person.

I grew up tormented by my family. Cousins and uncles and aunts and my father and mother. I was a simple child and looked at as a simple dumb kid. I grew out of that. But I had a very hard childhood. I guess that's why I am the way I am to protect myself from people. 

I will get through this. I will be me again. I have suffered so much during all this. I will come out a stronger person. This has been a life lesson for me. I will never take my life for granted ever again.

[[si...]]

5 minutes ago, [[E...] said:

There is no shame in having mental illness. We cannot help it. It is tormenting. I am glad I found this website. It helps me connect with people who are like minded and who are going through the same thing I am. My mistake was thinking i didnt need meds. I was on them for a very long time and didnt realize just how much they helped me. It is nothing to be ashamed of. I have to be on antidepressants so I never see another benzodiazepine again. Ever. God looks after all of us. I believe in the Holy Spirit and pray often to help me through this. I find comfort in my faith. 

I am a loner as well. I cant say I have a good friend. I blow relationships. Male and female. I accept that. I feel it is better if I stay away from personal relationships for the sake of the other person.

I grew up tormented by my family. Cousins and uncles and aunts and my father and mother. I was a simple child and looked at as a simple dumb kid. I grew out of that. But I had a very hard childhood. I guess that's why I am the way I am to protect myself from people. 

I will get through this. I will be me again. I have suffered so much during all this. I will come out a stronger person. This has been a life lesson for me. I will never take my life for granted ever again.

No, no shame at all. If you need/use it, do it. If it helps: wonderful.
People help me though, i have to say. Partner as well; but those 2 friends...
I know they are just as human as i am, and the more we got to know each other, the more we learned, we all have "mistakes". No one is perfect. Its good that way. You can look at it from a different perspective, too.
What we are fed is that image of a perfect life. But if you are perfect you dont live.

I also protect myself from people. One of my faults still: i am very suspicious and sceptical about everyone i dont know. So, most people who met me once or superficial would say i am arrogant and an asshole.
But, fck tht. I cant satisfy everyone. 

I wish you find a bit more spontaneity and a little less worry; after all, there is nothing really to be really afraif of. I know, we tell ourselves: there is. I do it. And i fall in and out of this. But i can laugh at myself. Sometimes.
That takes a lot of weight off the shoulders.

Hang in there budddy

 

[[Tw...]]

6 hours ago, [[E...] said:

There is no shame in having mental illness. We cannot help it. It is tormenting. I am glad I found this website. It helps me connect with people who are like minded and who are going through the same thing I am. My mistake was thinking i didnt need meds. I was on them for a very long time and didnt realize just how much they helped me. It is nothing to be ashamed of. I have to be on antidepressants so I never see another benzodiazepine again. Ever. God looks after all of us. I believe in the Holy Spirit and pray often to help me through this. I find comfort in my faith. 

I am a loner as well. I cant say I have a good friend. I blow relationships. Male and female. I accept that. I feel it is better if I stay away from personal relationships for the sake of the other person.

I grew up tormented by my family. Cousins and uncles and aunts and my father and mother. I was a simple child and looked at as a simple dumb kid. I grew out of that. But I had a very hard childhood. I guess that's why I am the way I am to protect myself from people. 

I will get through this. I will be me again. I have suffered so much during all this. I will come out a stronger person. This has been a life lesson for me. I will never take my life for granted ever again.

@[En...]I also had a very difficult childhood. Some personal relationships can be so stressful if the people are full of negativity. I also have found comfort in my spirituality and in prayer and the in God. 

[[Tw...]]

6 hours ago, [[s...] said:

No, no shame at all. If you need/use it, do it. If it helps: wonderful.
People help me though, i have to say. Partner as well; but those 2 friends...
I know they are just as human as i am, and the more we got to know each other, the more we learned, we all have "mistakes". No one is perfect. Its good that way. You can look at it from a different perspective, too.
What we are fed is that image of a perfect life. But if you are perfect you dont live.

I also protect myself from people. One of my faults still: i am very suspicious and sceptical about everyone i dont know. So, most people who met me once or superficial would say i am arrogant and an asshole.
But, fck tht. I cant satisfy everyone. 

I wish you find a bit more spontaneity and a little less worry; after all, there is nothing really to be really afraif of. I know, we tell ourselves: there is. I do it. And i fall in and out of this. But i can laugh at myself. Sometimes.
That takes a lot of weight off the shoulders.

Hang in there budddy

@[si...]You are so Right that we are not perfect. So True. And you are right to protect yourself from negative people. They can do quickly trigger some of our withdrawals to return. 

 

[[si...]]

Hi,

So i am now at day 10 with 2,5 mg Clonazepam a day. My last taper was .5 mg.
About a month earlier to that i went from 4 mg to 3 mg.
There is not much physical WD; its actually quite little.
What is eating me alive at times is... its not easy to describe: mostelikely a severe depression, which kind of is constantly there. An emptyness, an endless emotional desert. Then i have manic episodes quite often, which are eihter glorious or tooo much. I cant keep running around, up and down mountains and all over cities.
Very restless at all time, out of the blue: irrational suicide thoughts.  
I am asking for anyones advice, but specifically for the buddies who did CT.
I dont think i can hold this for much longer; that slow process i mean.
I have coldturkeyed before from Valium, but then i was unprepared at all, didnt know anything about the drug and didnt seek help from friends or anyone. Now i have enough money to last some months and a quite place to go back to. Also i have friends, doctor and help nearby.
Im thinking of doing a CT, and actually i dont know what i actually wanted to ask.
Too fcking much going on in my head; cant concentrate properly.
Any advice is very welcome.

Thank you 
 

[[En...]]

On 07/05/2024 at 01:52, [[s...] said:

Hi,

as there are no real Forums over here in Europe, that do any justice to BBs, i signed on here.

As a new member, i guess, i dont understand the rules or ways from the beginning; so help will be happily taken.

Im 33 years, using Benzos over a decade. Heroin, too. Heroin has been succesfully withdrawn, and wasnt consumed since some months.

I had years of Valium addiction, with unstable doses; varying from 20mg to 60mg or more a day. Now im on Clonazepam.

i managed to taper it down to 4 mg a day, that was 2 months ago; then i decided to get rid of it, once and for all.

Now i am at 2,5 mg a day. So, slowly Depression gets more, Anxiety creeps back in: whats your best methods for Anxiety specifically.

I develop more and more, as i had years ago, Agoraphobia and other social fears. 

In terms of sleep: i dont sleep to bad atm, it has gotten better for some reason. Still its not what i am aiming for.

I usually fall asleep now quite fast, within 1 max 2 hours. Though i dont sleep long, and sleep is interrupted, sometimes im just awake and 2 in the morning, its always 2, and then its hard to get back to sleep, or not possible. I havent used anything this time, since i decided to come off; no pharma product or alternative substance.
 

Excuse my english, if its not proper. But i think you'll get the point. If i am to post somewhere else, i am glad if a moderater will tell me so.

Thanks

My advice is to keep holding until you feel good then continue with the taper. I have tapered now 6 months and at 0.375mg and I have had times I wanted to reinstate because of withdrawal symptoms but I keep the hold until I felt better. Usually 2 weeks hold. If you taper while you feel awful you will feel even worse. It sucks to do a taper I know you want to just be off this crap.

[[si...]]

16 hours ago, [[E...] said:

My advice is to keep holding until you feel good then continue with the taper. I have tapered now 6 months and at 0.375mg and I have had times I wanted to reinstate because of withdrawal symptoms but I keep the hold until I felt better. Usually 2 weeks hold. If you taper while you feel awful you will feel even worse. It sucks to do a taper I know you want to just be off this crap.

Thanks buddy!

 

Its better today, im a bit more calm, or in better spirits.
I think i will give it more time, tapering slowely for now and see how it works out.
How are you doing?

[[En...]]

29 minutes ago, [[s...] said:

Thanks buddy!

Its better today, im a bit more calm, or in better spirits.
I think i will give it more time, tapering slowely for now and see how it works out.
How are you doing?

I am doing much better thanks for asking. I will taper 0.125mg tonight I feel I could do that then I'm down to 0.25mg. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. It has been a long hard process. I was not myself for many months. I was quiet and felt lonely. I am looking forward to being off this crap and back to life. I worry about coming off antipsychotic but I will tackle that awful pill when it is time. I have a feeling it will be another hard process. This has been a nightmare. 

I'm happy to hear you are feeling better. It does get better. I dont feel so sedated like I used to and am finally getting sleep. Keep positive and go forward it does get better with time and a slow and steady taper.