6-12 month thread....

[[He...]]

My plan for today...

 

Turn the TV on and charge up the iPad for Mr. 3 year old.  I have to get a website finished stat.  I promised a client back in May I would have something to show for their meeting tonight. 

 

Green - MM is medial Marijuana and it is looking very tempting to me right now.  Extremely tempting.  If Benzo hadn't of  screwed me up so bad, I can see why people reinstate as you mentioned happened to you in 04.  Don't even feel bad about that one.  I was on the verge of hysteria this morning and thought what the heck do I do with myself if I can't take the meds again.  I wouldn't have used the MM for that, just to get some SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!

 

Ok, back to my day.  The website..ugh ugh ugh..

 

Hubby leaves for a trip today and I told my mom I don't need her.  Mentally I don't feel like I do, but at 3am I need flesh and blood support.  She is gong to have to keep her phone near.  It's just one night.. I can do it, right??

 

I need a positive confession for you guys today..

 

I made it to the beach two days in a row.  The air was refreshing.  My MIL and I walked and talked.  We put our feet in the ocean and my 3 year old squealed with delight.  I love the energy my children give me.  Their love is so positive and propelling.  I hold and snuggle them and it's so amazing to feel them. 

 

Sunday night my MIL, her brother and boyfriend all came to visit because hubby bought us tickets to a comedy event at Verizon Wireless Amphitheater.  It was wicked hot outside.  We sat on the green above the seats.  There were  17,000 of us, seats and all.  The temp was 91 at 8pm.  I was doing really well, but got a bit claustrophobic.  At the end of the show, they told everyone to wait for a surprise and Dave Chapelle walks on stage.  The crowd went wild.  It was really good to see him after he left comedy a few years back.  My husband kept hugging me saying he was so glad we got out of the house and we should do this all the time.  I agreed.

 

My biggest happy moment was last night.  My oldest has growth plate pain in his heels and wears cushy cups in his shoes or it's painful to walk.  I didn't' want to watch him limp around soccer again, so I called a local youth water polo program.  The guy told us to come out for a few nights and try it out.  My son LOVED IT!!  He kept saying how fun it was and giving me the thumbs up.  I was sooooo happy for him.  He is very tall for his age.. add painful heals and it's not fun for him to be active. 

 

I had previously said I wasn't going to do evening sports, but this is the part of mommy hood I looked forward too.  I want a mini van and kids in the back.  Plus, if he is happy to do it, then it makes me happy.  We will try it again on Wednesday, but i think it's a go. 

 

My oldest is also loving school this year.  Last year was terrible because of the teacher so we had him transferred after months of dealing with issues.  This year he says home work is fun, he loves his teacher.. It's night and day.

 

Okay.. back to website.. ugh ugh ugh..

 

The sports is one of the BEST parts of mommyhood for me...and it is so wonderful when your kiddos find something they love and excel at!  I just got home from watching my daughter's varsity vball game against the cross town rivals.  Such a great time! 

 

I'm so glad you are finding significant moments of beauty within your days!  Beach, children, comedy, dates with husband. 

 

 

[[He...]]

Hello everyone,

My day started off SOOO rough, but quickly turned around and I started feeling better again.  I realized during my lunch hour that I was feeling ok, but I was still allowing fear to creep in because of this latest wave.  I decided that I wasn't going to catastophize this latest wave and I wasn't going to keep up with the body scans that I tend to do continually when I'm feeling wavy.  I just let it go somehow, and the rest of my day continued to improve.  I didn't have the on and off moments of anxiety, mostly physical symptoms, that I have been having the past week and a half.  My class did a cool science experiment, looking at onion cells under microscopes, I got the majority of my grading done after school, and I went to my daughter's volleyball game and kept the official score book.  I was at work from 7:30 am until 8:00 pm (it was a home game) and I felt nothing but joy watching her play and had no flare of anxiety, even when I made a mistake in the book.  Right now I am tired, but comfortable, and I look forward to snuggling into my bed. 

All-in-all, it has turned into a really great day.  I'm looking forward to another one tomorrow.

 

Prayers and love for you all!

HH 

[[al...]]

Hi 6-12 month folks,  I am in the first week of month six. Please someone tell me this morning anxiety gets better. I get up, have a protein drink and walk around. Never have coffee or sugar. Any suggestions appreciated. It is a miserable feeling.

Thanks.

~allisonleigh

[[je...]]

Welcome Allison!! Month 6 can be a rough month for many, but yes it does get better. Hang in there! Jenny

[[Mo...]]

Hi 6-12 month folks,  I am in the first week of month six. Please someone tell me this morning anxiety get better. I get up, have a protein drink and walk around. Never have coffee or sugar. Any suggestions appreciated. It is a miserable feeling.

Thanks.

~allisonleigh

 

Hi Allison!  Welcome to this group!,

I'm so sorry you woke up with that.  Yes, it part of this process but not permanent.  It waxes and wains. The best thing to do is just what you did... get up and get moving.  It will burn off or dissipate.  Try to distract yourself or come on the boards to talk.  We can all easily promise you this is not permanent.

[[Mo...]]

My plan for today...

 

Turn the TV on and charge up the iPad for Mr. 3 year old.  I have to get a website finished stat.  I promised a client back in May I would have something to show for their meeting tonight. 

 

Green - MM is medial Marijuana and it is looking very tempting to me right now.  Extremely tempting.  If Benzo hadn't of  screwed me up so bad, I can see why people reinstate as you mentioned happened to you in 04.  Don't even feel bad about that one.  I was on the verge of hysteria this morning and thought what the heck do I do with myself if I can't take the meds again.  I wouldn't have used the MM for that, just to get some SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!

 

Ok, back to my day.  The website..ugh ugh ugh..

 

Hubby leaves for a trip today and I told my mom I don't need her.  Mentally I don't feel like I do, but at 3am I need flesh and blood support.  She is gong to have to keep her phone near.  It's just one night.. I can do it, right??

 

I need a positive confession for you guys today..

 

I made it to the beach two days in a row.  The air was refreshing.  My MIL and I walked and talked.  We put our feet in the ocean and my 3 year old squealed with delight.  I love the energy my children give me.  Their love is so positive and propelling.  I hold and snuggle them and it's so amazing to feel them. 

 

Sunday night my MIL, her brother and boyfriend all came to visit because hubby bought us tickets to a comedy event at Verizon Wireless Amphitheater.  It was wicked hot outside.  We sat on the green above the seats.  There were  17,000 of us, seats and all.  The temp was 91 at 8pm.  I was doing really well, but got a bit claustrophobic.  At the end of the show, they told everyone to wait for a surprise and Dave Chapelle walks on stage.  The crowd went wild.  It was really good to see him after he left comedy a few years back.  My husband kept hugging me saying he was so glad we got out of the house and we should do this all the time.  I agreed.

 

My biggest happy moment was last night.  My oldest has growth plate pain in his heels and wears cushy cups in his shoes or it's painful to walk.  I didn't' want to watch him limp around soccer again, so I called a local youth water polo program.  The guy told us to come out for a few nights and try it out.  My son LOVED IT!!  He kept saying how fun it was and giving me the thumbs up.  I was sooooo happy for him.  He is very tall for his age.. add painful heals and it's not fun for him to be active. 

 

I had previously said I wasn't going to do evening sports, but this is the part of mommy hood I looked forward too.  I want a mini van and kids in the back.  Plus, if he is happy to do it, then it makes me happy.  We will try it again on Wednesday, but i think it's a go. 

 

My oldest is also loving school this year.  Last year was terrible because of the teacher so we had him transferred after months of dealing with issues.  This year he says home work is fun, he loves his teacher.. It's night and day.

 

Okay.. back to website.. ugh ugh ugh..

 

The sports is one of the BEST parts of mommyhood for me...and it is so wonderful when your kiddos find something they love and excel at!  I just got home from watching my daughter's varsity vball game against the cross town rivals.  Such a great time! 

 

I'm so glad you are finding significant moments of beauty within your days!  Beach, children, comedy, dates with husband. 

 

it's wonderful isn't it HH.  Thank you for validating.  Soooo good to be here and not back there..

[[Mo...]]

Hello everyone,

My day started off SOOO rough, but quickly turned around and I started feeling better again.  I realized during my lunch hour that I was feeling ok, but I was still allowing fear to creep in because of this latest wave.  I decided that I wasn't going to catastophize this latest wave and I wasn't going to keep up with the body scans that I tend to do continually when I'm feeling wavy.  I just let it go somehow, and the rest of my day continued to improve.  I didn't have the on and off moments of anxiety, mostly physical symptoms, that I have been having the past week and a half.  My class did a cool science experiment, looking at onion cells under microscopes, I got the majority of my grading done after school, and I went to my daughter's volleyball game and kept the official score book.  I was at work from 7:30 am until 8:00 pm (it was a home game) and I felt nothing but joy watching her play and had no flare of anxiety, even when I made a mistake in the book.  Right now I am tired, but comfortable, and I look forward to snuggling into my bed. 

All-in-all, it has turned into a really great day.  I'm looking forward to another one tomorrow.

 

Prayers and love for you all!

HH

 

HH- We all know that despair when you wake up and realize the storm is brewing.  I keep thinking about Coop's statement about battening down the hatches for the coming storm.  We can't control them, but we can survive them.  It was exciting to me when my waves simmered down and I realized I could affect it by exercise, prayer, etc. So glad it turned around for you and will eventually never ever ever ever ever come again.  I hope today is better.

 

MommyR

[[Mo...]]

Kids.. Good morning,

 

 

I think something has happened.  Last night I had to give a presentation on the website to a board member group.  I spent the day finishing the site and dressing.  It's been super hot here, crazy hot, so I was worried about hot flashes.  After I got to the meeting, I walked in and they had already started.  When it was my turn I presented well, answered questions, made jokes.. not once did I sweat, feel panicked, anxious, there was nothing there.. JUST ME.  I drove home and realized I was 100%.  Nothing was there. 

 

When I got home I took and atarax (r/x antihistamine).  I feel asleep around 10pm and didn't wake up until 6am.  There was a hot flash, but no funk on me.  It was amazing.  I am thanking God this morning for a glorious break in these symptoms.  The clouds have parted for me today.  Yesterday, the hysteria had me ready to scream. 

 

You never know what a day can bring!!!  Please hang in there!!

 

MommyR

[[Gr...]]

Hi 6-12 month folks,  I am in the first week of month six. Please someone tell me this morning anxiety get better. I get up, have a protein drink and walk around. Never have coffee or sugar. Any suggestions appreciated. It is a miserable feeling.

Thanks.

~allisonleigh

 

Hi Allison

 

Looks like you've had a tough time.  I also came off abruptly, and it wasn't pretty.  But the good news is you will start to feel better, and you will completely recover in time.  The morning anxiety is the worst.  You should be getting some breaks soon.  If you are able to get out of the house and take a walk, that always helped me.  Hang on, it will pass.

 

Welcome to the 6-12 thread. 

[[ga...]]

Glad to hear some are doing better as of late.  I have been home from my weekend trip for two days.  Still waking at 2 am and feeling physically and mentally exhausted.  My attitude is miserable.  I can't generate anything positive about my current predicament and what to expect going forward.  There are times I can stay in the moment. Not lately though.  The old pity party mode with nothing to look forward too in the future.  I don't have to work for a couple of more days.  Good since I am so tired but at the same time sitting at home with no distractions.  I will try to exercise to get the endorphins moving.  This has been going on for 6 weeks now and I just want to see some improvement.  I have one or two more stressors in the next week so maybe once some of that is behind me I can move on with my life.  thanks for letting me vent guys and gals.  I really need the support as I can't keep dumping on my wife.

[[Gr...]]

Kids.. Good morning,

 

 

I think something has happened.  Last night I had to give a presentation on the website to a board member group.  I spent the day finishing the site and dressing.  It's been super hot here, crazy hot, so I was worried about hot flashes.  After I got to the meeting, I walked in and they had already started.  When it was my turn I presented well, answered questions, made jokes.. not once did I sweat, feel panicked, anxious, there was nothing there.. JUST ME.  I drove home and realized I was 100%.  Nothing was there. 

 

When I got home I took and atarax (r/x antihistamine).  I feel asleep around 10pm and didn't wake up until 6am.  There was a hot flash, but no funk on me.  It was amazing.  I am thanking God this morning for a glorious break in these symptoms.  The clouds have parted for me today.  Yesterday, the hysteria had me ready to scream. 

 

You never know what a day can bring!!!  Please hang in there!!

 

MommyR

 

M, that's amazing!  I am so happy to hear this.  You truly are getting better.  Yay.

[[Mo...]]

i just wanted to wish everyone a good night... had some new that hit me and stressed me and went into a wave just as I was recovering and seeing a bit of a window. Oh well, I know I will get through this. No more stressors soon -- two months or so.

 

Life

 

You will get thru this Life!!  Oh man.. that stuff starts lapping at your ankles and you get used to it because it's familiar.  This is not us.  It's not who we are.  It is a magnified reaction to the regular stressors around us.  That is it, nothing more.  Please know this is not you.  I can tell you this because my clarity is here.  I know what you are feeling.  Even being 95% in the process still means there is a 5% cloud.  It will pass.  Hang in there.

 

MommyR

[[Mo...]]

Kids.. Good morning,

 

 

I think something has happened.  Last night I had to give a presentation on the website to a board member group.  I spent the day finishing the site and dressing.  It's been super hot here, crazy hot, so I was worried about hot flashes.  After I got to the meeting, I walked in and they had already started.  When it was my turn I presented well, answered questions, made jokes.. not once did I sweat, feel panicked, anxious, there was nothing there.. JUST ME.  I drove home and realized I was 100%.  Nothing was there. 

 

When I got home I took and atarax (r/x antihistamine).  I feel asleep around 10pm and didn't wake up until 6am.  There was a hot flash, but no funk on me.  It was amazing.  I am thanking God this morning for a glorious break in these symptoms.  The clouds have parted for me today.  Yesterday, the hysteria had me ready to scream. 

 

You never know what a day can bring!!!  Please hang in there!!

 

MommyR

 

M, that's amazing!  I am so happy to hear this.  You truly are getting better.  Yay.

 

Thank you Green!!  Huge happy dance!!

[[Mo...]]

Hello,

Again, this is an active place and it's bedtime for me after a full day of working and mom-ing. I'm not going to catch up here until the weekend. But I'm thinking of you all. And I'm still doing ok. I've seen some of my old passion and intuition come out these last few days. That's been cool. I feel the dr nipping at my heels but sleep seems to be helping. Also, my best friend since I was sixteen is staying with me for a week while she starts a PhD program and will be moving back to our city permanently this winter. It's so great to have her here. It's hard not to 'feel' better when she's around and expecting me to be sane.

 

I'll keep peeking in as I can. But I'll have more time on the weekend… until then take care.

 

Peace2

 

Peace!!  Exciting news.  How amazing to feel the old brain kicking back in.  What a wonderful report.  And your bestie is back!!!  The right people in our lives during recovery make a huge impact on us.  Maybe she is here to help you finish this race.  Really excited for you!!

 

MommyR

[[je...]]

Mommy--Great news!!! Iam so happy to hear this

[[Fr...]]

Mommy, Peace and Green - so happy to see you all feeling better - what good news!

 

Just peeking in here to say "hi."  My days are either good or very tough.  Late Monday I started feeling quite good, slept well and awoke to wellness.  All day till around 5PM I felt really good, then it started slipping again - bad internal nerve pain and awful nerve feeling, like my body has ice inside it.

 

Today I woke up feeling flu-like, neck so stiff and sore, and nerve pain, so worn out feeling.

 

The neck issues seem to affect my brain.  It truly feels like meningitis.

 

The rife machine lyme doctor did find hits of lyme in my body, so I'm using my machine with the program she wrote for me of the hits she found with the foot bath for detoxing.

 

I have no clue if I have lyme or not.  I talked the rheumatologists at our university hospital and they don't think I have lyme or any autoimmune disease based on blood tests but they are having me see a top neurologist.  The nerve pain stuff is unimaginable.  I am so weary and scared.  Sorry to be such a downer.  That's why I stay away - not much up-beat going on here.

 

xo to you all,

Lisa

[[je...]]

I have been having sleep issues the last few weeks. I go to bed at 10pm and wake up at 4am--no anxiety rush or anything I just wake up and cant fall back asleep. I used to be able to fall back asleep around 6am, but not anymore. So frustrating because 6 hours of sleep is not enough for me. Anyone else dealing with this?

[[ga...]]

Jenny.. I'd happily take your sleep schedule as of late.  My wakeup after going to bed at 11 is 2 a.m. and unable to fall back asleep.  I just can't relax and anxiety takes over and it's at the point I just expect it to be this way.  Not good.

[[Sk...]]

Hello,

Again, this is an active place and it's bedtime for me after a full day of working and mom-ing. I'm not going to catch up here until the weekend. But I'm thinking of you all. And I'm still doing ok. I've seen some of my old passion and intuition come out these last few days. That's been cool. I feel the dr nipping at my heels but sleep seems to be helping. Also, my best friend since I was sixteen is staying with me for a week while she starts a PhD program and will be moving back to our city permanently this winter. It's so great to have her here. It's hard not to 'feel' better when she's around and expecting me to be sane.

 

I'll keep peeking in as I can. But I'll have more time on the weekend… until then take care.

 

Peace2

 

Peace, this is such great news. Feeling inspired, an old friend , great things ! Thanks for always taking the time to check in !

[[Sk...]]

Mommy, Peace and Green, so happy to hear there is some good news ! Especially today,when I am feeling worse than usual. I really needed to hear some good news.

 

:highfive:High time girls !

[[Gr...]]

Mommy, Peace and Green - so happy to see you all feeling better - what good news!

 

Just peeking in here to say "hi."  My days are either good or very tough.  Late Monday I started feeling quite good, slept well and awoke to wellness.  All day till around 5PM I felt really good, then it started slipping again - bad internal nerve pain and awful nerve feeling, like my body has ice inside it.

 

Today I woke up feeling flu-like, neck so stiff and sore, and nerve pain, so worn out feeling.

 

The neck issues seem to affect my brain.  It truly feels like meningitis.

 

The rife machine lyme doctor did find hits of lyme in my body, so I'm using my machine with the program she wrote for me of the hits she found with the foot bath for detoxing.

 

I have no clue if I have lyme or not.  I talked the rheumatologists at our university hospital and they don't think I have lyme or any autoimmune disease based on blood tests but they are having me see a top neurologist.  The nerve pain stuff is unimaginable.  I am so weary and scared.  Sorry to be such a downer.  That's why I stay away - not much up-beat going on here.

 

xo to you all,

Lisa

 

Lisa, you're not a downer, don't ever think that.  I recently had one day of real pain, where I had to stop in my tracks and say whoa, and it passed after an awful day.  But the point is, it passed.  You've been dealing with this for a long time now.  I don't know how you're doing it.  I continue to pray for you, I pray for all of us.

 

It's good that you're ruling out Lyme's with the docs.  Even though this pain is so awful and has lasted so long, I really think the pattern you have is classic benzo withdrawal.  Lyme's and fibro and CFS don't have that window-wave pattern, where you feel pretty darned good for a whole day.  If you have chronic Lyme's I think you're pretty sick all of the time.  I know you want to find a reason, a diagnosis, for this so you can treat it and it can go away -- I've been through that.  I really do think it's withdrawal.  Esp if the university docs are saying it's not Lyme.

 

Good luck with the testing.  Feel better.  You're in my prayers.

 

sue

[[Gr...]]

Mommy, Peace and Green, so happy to hear there is some good news ! Especially today,when I am feeling worse than usual. I really needed to hear some good news.

 

:highfive:High time girls !

 

Sky, hang on.  I haven't thrown my crutches away, but my mental state is much better, I'm managing.  You're right behind me.  Looks like Coop, you and I are tag teaming the Great 9-10-11 Month Wave.

 

Come to think of it, haven't we also had waves in months 4 and 5?  And then there was the month 6 wave.  And remember 7-8?

 

Enough said.  Feel better, friend.

[[Co...]]

Allison...the morning anxiety does go away...if it decrees during the later part of the day that is a good indication. Mine has cycled throughout p/w but I now have longer periods of time with relief. Most of the morning adrenalin surges have left and I am for the most part able to go back to sleep after early morning wakeups. I have read most of your posts and your progress journal. You have an excellent approach to healing. You are doing so many beneficial practices to take good care of your physical health. All of the adjunct therapies will go a long way in helping you endure the s/x of p/w. They are much more helpful than adjunct medications and supplements. Destressing your life as much as possible and going slowly and gently with life will give you needed reserves for getting through the process. Give yourself a good 18 months for recovery and a few months beyond that for re- entry. ..You are going to get through this. Six months is a huge accomplishment....just keep going forward as you are. ....it will get better....keep reading the success stories...soon it will be your story.....coop

 

[[Fr...]]

Thanks for your words of kindness and encouragement Sue.  I'm so glad you're feeling better overall.  You have come through a lot.

 

I'm concerned because the pressure and stiffness in my neck seems to cause all the brain symptoms.  It stems from there and I don't see many people here who have this stiff, awful neck and meningitis-type sickness and pain.  It really has me worried.  I still am confused as to why last summer, for 3 months I felt good on Plaquenil - it helps with autoimmune disorders and malaria and the rife doc also found some malaria hits in my body scan.  I really feel like S---.  It's like really bad illness.  Over and over again.

 

I'm trying to do some artwork today while in my footbath and feeling like I want to lay down but what's the point - I feel just as bad there.

 

Prayers needed for this life.  No poems today.

 

I got letters from my sister and an old friend of all the trips they are taking and joy in life and I sit and cry reading all that and feel jealous.  They have no clue how it makes me feel.  Life as I knew it is gone and that's a tough one to swallow.  I dream while awake of all the things I used to love doing.  I used to love dancing and tough yoga and shopping for exotic things even in rummage sales.  Life was an exciting treasure hunt in my eyes.  I got so excited waking up to do things.  Sorry for this rant.  I'm in shock and mourning my life.

 

Lisa

[[Gr...]]

Thanks for your words of kindness and encouragement Sue.  I'm so glad you're feeling better overall.  You have come through a lot.

 

I'm concerned because the pressure and stiffness in my neck seems to cause all the brain symptoms.  It stems from there and I don't see many people here who have this stiff, awful neck and meningitis-type sickness and pain.  It really has me worried.  I still am confused as to why last summer, for 3 months I felt good on Plaquenil - it helps with autoimmune disorders and malaria and the rife doc also found some malaria hits in my body scan.  I really feel like S---.  It's like really bad illness.  Over and over again.

 

I'm trying to do some artwork today while in my footbath and feeling like I want to lay down but what's the point - I feel just as bad there.

 

Prayers needed for this life.  No poems today.

 

I got letters from my sister and an old friend of all the trips they are taking and joy in life and I sit and cry reading all that and feel jealous.  They have no clue how it makes me feel.  Life as I knew it is gone and that's a tough one to swallow.  I dream while awake of all the things I used to love doing.  I used to love dancing and tough yoga and shopping for exotic things even in rummage sales.  Life was an exciting treasure hunt in my eyes.  I got so excited waking up to do things.  Sorry for this rant.  I'm in shock and mourning my life.

Lisa

 

Lisa, that whole post right there, that you just wrote, that took me right back to tolerance withdrawal, from '04.  The physical s/x were bad, but my mental state was also affected.  I couldn't see out of the pain and depression.  I felt like I was losing myself, falling down a dark rabbit hole.  I can remember that vividly now that I'm ten months off.  I think you definitely have the physical sx, but I suspect there's something of that wavy mental/emotional thing going on, where you feel like you're sinking and hopeless, like the symptoms are running you.  Peace2 was stuck in the mental sx for a long time, and recently that lifted for her, I could hear it in her last post. 

 

Just keep on keeping on. It's hard, but what else can we do?  Some have it harder than others.  You, friend, have had it very hard.  I feel certain, though, that you will emerge from this ordeal whole and healthy.  I truly believe that.

:smitten: