6-12 month thread....

[[ga...]]

Life and Jenny....congrats to you both on 1 year.  A milestone and what an accomplishment!  It will get better as time goes on!  Rooting for you both., d/

 

Nova...I know what overthinking this garbage is all about.  I have done it myself.  I find it makes things much worse for me.  Wish I could just shut my mind down and relax a bit.  You will make it my friend. 

 

For me..I finally got a couple hours of sleep last night.  Still don't feel all that great today.  There are still enough stressors coming up that I am in the anxious and worry mode and that certainly plays havoc with sleep and anxiety, d/p.  I will hold onto hope that this resolves going forward.  Just a very tough period.

[[Gr...]]

Green ... 11 months out ... we are pretty close ... I will be joining you next week ... sitting here this morning ... looking back a bit on last September ... I was way down in my taper and still had about 10 weeks "scheduled" to complete it ... and I was just so tired of the taper process ... decided to "speed" things up ... I so wanted to be done with the drug ...

 

And remembering some of the little things back then ... so utterly exhausted ... sleeping in a recliner ... couldn't lay flat in bed ... and the constant "questioning" ... and the wondering what I was going to be like without the drug ... for me, way to much "thinking" back then ...

 

And sitting here this morning "knowing" I am just fine without the drug ... this "emergence" over the past twelve months many days and weeks was awfully "hard" ... I believe we are truly done with "survival" ... while my body is still doing the work of repairing "connections", I am finding myself more "relaxed" in my life, more "lazy" ... most days I cannot even remember the feeling of "hyper-vigilance" ...

 

Take care, my friend, we will be done with this stuff soon ...

 

 

Nova, I totally relate.  On a better day, I realize I've been waiting my whole life to get to this place.  Almost as though I needed to go through the mind-shattering process of w/d to find this peaceful state of being.  Maybe it's about having brand new shiny brain  "connections"  Maybe it's the gratitude people get after being very sick and then recovering. I don't know, lol.  but I sure am grateful. 

 

Yes, friend, we will be done with this soon enough

[[Gr...]]

I got back.

 

I feel awful. My body is vibrating like crazy and my palps follow that. I hope that things will get better soon, of course they will, why shouldn't they ?

 

I am just a little scared, because when Life had an external stressor, well not one, many, he had a 6 week wave. Not having  any windows to speak of, a wave might be a little too much for me to bear, emotionally, right now.

 

The nice thing is reading that so many on the thread are having  moments of normality. I can't wait to be the one telling a happy story soon.

 

Now, I am going to have lunch and rest, later I have a lesson.

 

The lesson, might make or break me. It will distract me from the bad news I got yesterday, but it might be too much for my poor tired brain\body.

Mr Sky says I am very pale and I do I look haggard . I feel that way, so it is no surprise but still, it would be nice if my face were not telling the whole story.

 

I have begun losing weight, mainly because I had to stop eating in the evening due to my " lump in the throat ". Of course, all the weight went away from my face but not my body !

 

There is nothing like weight loss to make you look sick.

 

I know I have bigger fish to fry than my looks. If I could be well now, I would trade my looks in a heartbeat. But looking at a healthy face in the mirror does a lot for positive reinforcement ! It has been months I have been avoiding looking at myself in the mirror, just like a vampire !

 

Mommy, a party really sounds great ! I don't know when my bank account may ever recover from this blow. Let's say my account went CT !

But I visualise this party we will have  in NYC. You guys have all met up, and we have a virtual party where I connect  with you online and we finally get to see faces matching our odd nicknames.

I bet I will be able to recognize you all from how you speak !

Music, all the food we can't eat now, and swap war stories. We will laugh till we have tears in our eyes.

 

Ok, enough with the daydreaming for now.

 

Sky, hold on.  You know we're here for you.

[[Gr...]]

Hi everyone;  Where and how are you Coop?  Well I hope and that is why you've been less active here. 

I'm not as far along as most of you but I have found this board to be the most informative and I feel I belong here with you guys.

I wanted to ask about the doubt that creeps in to everything I do while going through this.  Sometimes I feel like I could be normal but there seems to be a block in my brain that is very negative and full of fear. I'll think I should go to the mall and just buy a new shirt or something normal but I feel scared ..... its hard to explain.  Do you guys understand?  it makes it so hard to move forward.  I feel awful but I feel better than before; clearer but it's almost worse because I see more clearly what is happening to me.

I finished a not so slow taper the 3rd week in April so I am approaching 5 months.

Any support with this would be appreciated. I'm back to crying most of the day.  Ugh. 

 

Whoot, you hit it right on the head.  I walk around when I'm not slammed by s/x thinking couldn't I be normal if I tried a little harder?  Am I hanging on to this withdrawal thing a little too long? Are other people doing more, should I be doing more? 

 

The brain block  -- that's a great way to describe it -- I think that's anxiety.  It's like being frozen and unable to do anything, even though I don't have visible s/x, like palps or freaking out.

 

The reason I know it's a real s/x is because when I have a window I just go, I get in the car, I go to the store, I do stuff. 

 

And the reason I don't accomplish more is because just when I start feeling better, when I can see myself organizing and doing things, ready to move on, I get hit with another wave.

 

We are getting better, but it's always good to know I'm not the only one thinking that.

 

 

[[Gr...]]

Hi kids,

 

Not a lot to report.  Was reading up on everyone's posts. 

 

Jenny - I want a dog too and love pugs.  My son demanded a dog, tree house and a swimming pool.  The dog sounds the best.

 

Happy Anniversary to those hitting mile stones.  Another month closer to this being over.

 

Sky - I know these waves are normal, but I understand the fear of extra stressors making things worse.  How could it get worse, right??  Stay in the now.  Don't project.  You are really good at the already. 

 

8 weeks of this now.  Praying for a break.  My days are pretty good, but at night I consider myself acute.  Last night I turned off the tv and prayed for 5 hours.  I think I got it.  Was up at 3am and still sit here at 5:30am.  My counselor told me to get up and away from the discomfort. 

 

I have decided to quit beating myself up for having what I consider to be a best case scenario of support and lean into it.  If I wake, the tv goes on or I get up.  I try to rest during the day and put no pressure on myself to do anything.  Hubby and my mom have really leaned into the doctors advice about needing more time to heal, so no pressure from them.

 

Panic is a tough one to deal with for an extended amount of time.  It doesn't like exercise or self talk.  The only reprieve I have gotten is when I found a scripture last night.. 

 

Psalm 28:7  My HEART trusted in and I am helped; therefore my HEART great rejoices. 

 

My heart has frightened me the most thru this 8 week wave.  When I read this it was like my heart, as an independent member of my body was trusting in God itself.  Kind of like the all of nature praises God, so the very cells in my body trust in him.  It quieted the panic last night and I was really excited. 

 

Okay, I am going to lay down for a few hours until my oldest needs to get up for school. 

 

Hugs and prayers,

MommyR

 

M, the nights are not my friend, either.  I just read about and started -- forgot how to spell it -- yoga breathing, 4x in through the nostrils, hold for 6-7 seconds, breathe out slowly through the mouth, count of 8.  I did this years ago in yoga.  I was having a bad time last night.  I tried and it helped.  You have to keep doing it, but it seems to work

 

Feel better.

[[wh...]]

 

Whoot, you hit it right on the head.  I walk around when I'm not slammed by s/x thinking couldn't I be normal if I tried a little harder?  Am I hanging on to this withdrawal thing a little too long? Are other people doing more, should I be doing more? 

 

The brain block  -- that's a great way to describe it -- I think that's anxiety.  It's like being frozen and unable to do anything, even though I don't have visible s/x, like palps or freaking out.

 

The reason I know it's a real s/x is because when I have a window I just go, I get in the car, I go to the store, I do stuff. 

 

And the reason I don't accomplish more is because just when I start feeling better, when I can see myself organizing and doing things, ready to move on, I get hit with another wave.

 

We are getting better, but it's always good to know I'm not the only one thinking that.

 

thanks Green Ice;

I'm the same.  I was feeling so much better and thought this is manageable now; I can do this and then wham.... a wave and I lose my confidence again.  This healing roller coaster is very hard.

I now really understand windows and waves; before I hadn't really experienced it and wasn't sure what you were all talking about....now I see. A wave would be much appreciated.

Thank you for your support. 

I'm going out for a walk/run no matter what.  Fear 0 Me 1

[[Gr...]]

Good morning,

Oh how I love this thread and the support that is here!  I cling to it during tough times.  This wave still has bite to it and it has brought a lot of physical symptoms along with fear and anxiety.  I haven't felt this badly in a very long time, and that is hard to take.  I even went back to scrolling through back pages of the post-withdrawal thread looking for reassurance. I did find a poster (I wasn't logged in so I don't know who it was) who said that she was hit with a huge wave about 15 months that brought lots of physical symptoms and then was completely healed by 18 months.  That gave me some hope that I needed this morning. 

This wave isn't constant, it cycles randomly throughout the day, but I feel lots of fear of getting worse.  :'( 

I am praying for you all and hoping for a good day for all of us! 

HH

 

HH, I was on the threads last night looking for reassurance myself.  Haven't been there in a while.  A wave will rock your faith, it will make you doubt everything you know and believe to be true.  It will whisper lies into your ear and make you feel fear.  Remember waves are responsible for further healing, but they also make us crazy.  That's why we hate them.  We could handle almost everything in a wave, but the fear factor is what brings us to our knees.

Just a wave.  You will come out of this feeling wonderful, better than ever, with brand new shiny brain connections that work better than the ones you had before, lol 

[[Gr...]]

Hello All

 

I woke up this morning ready for the usual assault of s/x, but nothing happened.  I was like, wow, I don't feel half bad.  And that never happens, lol, so I'm not sure what to do with it.  It looks like the downstairs bathroom.  It's been calling my name.

 

Have a good day!

[[Sk...]]

A wave will rock your faith, it will make you doubt everything you know and believe to be true.  It will whisper lies into your ear and make you feel fear

 

Green, how true. I heard quite a few lies in the last 12 hours !

 

About breathing, it's something I always have wanted to do, but when I try, I just seem to have such a hard time doing.

 

It's like I get self conscious or something, and breathing becomes the one thing I don't seem to remember how to do.

 

Very revealing, in my opinion. It is so important.

 

I have noticed that when my symptoms are worse, I just hold my breath which is a no no !

 

Anyway, I took a powernap of 5 minutes and I feel refreshed. THe symptoms are very much there but at least that huge cloud has left my brain.

That will give me some oomph for my lesson in 10 minutes.

 

Jenny, Life  CONGRATS ! :happybday:This is so great. You are closer to healing, most of the hell is behind you, there might be some rocky moments but YAY ! you are one year off ! The sun is shining, the birds are singing !

[[Sk...]]

Hello All

 

I woke up this morning ready for the usual assault of s/x, but nothing happened.  I was like, wow, I don't feel half bad.  And that never happens, lol, so I'm not sure what to do with it.  It looks like the downstairs bathroom.  It's been calling my name.

 

Have a good day!

 

Sounds good ! DO NOT OVERDO IT !

[[Mo...]]

I got back.

 

I feel awful. My body is vibrating like crazy and my palps follow that. I hope that things will get better soon, of course they will, why shouldn't they ?

 

I am just a little scared, because when Life had an external stressor, well not one, many, he had a 6 week wave. Not having  any windows to speak of, a wave might be a little too much for me to bear, emotionally, right now.

 

The nice thing is reading that so many on the thread are having  moments of normality. I can't wait to be the one telling a happy story soon.

 

Now, I am going to have lunch and rest, later I have a lesson.

 

The lesson, might make or break me. It will distract me from the bad news I got yesterday, but it might be too much for my poor tired brain\body.

Mr Sky says I am very pale and I do I look haggard . I feel that way, so it is no surprise but still, it would be nice if my face were not telling the whole story.

 

I have begun losing weight, mainly because I had to stop eating in the evening due to my " lump in the throat ". Of course, all the weight went away from my face but not my body !

 

There is nothing like weight loss to make you look sick.

 

I know I have bigger fish to fry than my looks. If I could be well now, I would trade my looks in a heartbeat. But looking at a healthy face in the mirror does a lot for positive reinforcement ! It has been months I have been avoiding looking at myself in the mirror, just like a vampire !

 

Mommy, a party really sounds great ! I don't know when my bank account may ever recover from this blow. Let's say my account went CT !

But I visualise this party we will have  in NYC. You guys have all met up, and we have a virtual party where I connect  with you online and we finally get to see faces matching our odd nicknames.

I bet I will be able to recognize you all from how you speak !

Music, all the food we can't eat now, and swap war stories. We will laugh till we have tears in our eyes.

 

Ok, enough with the daydreaming for now.

 

I needed this visual Sky.. thank you for this.  A point to look forward too.. Tearing up at this.. sounds so good to my soul

[[wh...]]

That's great Green Ice.  Have a great "window" day!

I'm going to get my ass off this couch and go for a run. See if that helps.

Thanks everyone.  Have the best day you can. 

It's a one minute at a time day for me.....here goes.....

[[Mo...]]

Good morning,

Oh how I love this thread and the support that is here!  I cling to it during tough times.  This wave still has bite to it and it has brought a lot of physical symptoms along with fear and anxiety.  I haven't felt this badly in a very long time, and that is hard to take.  I even went back to scrolling through back pages of the post-withdrawal thread looking for reassurance.  I did find a poster (I wasn't logged in so I don't know who it was) who said that she was hit with a huge wave about 15 months that brought lots of physical symptoms and then was completely healed by 18 months.  That gave me some hope that I needed this morning. 

This wave isn't constant, it cycles randomly throughout the day, but I feel lots of fear of getting worse.  :'( 

I am praying for you all and hoping for a good day for all of us! 

HH

 

Let us always be mindful to reach back.  How thankful am I too for those, including you HH who take the time to comfort and guide us.  I just want to stay on the boards alllllll day right now. 

 

When I feel a spike in the deck of cards depression/fear/anxiety/panic I always start to hope that means it's on it's way out.  I know there is no way you aren't going to come out of this HH.  NO WAY.  I know my doctor wouldn't lie.  It's a roller coaster.  I know it is.  I cling to that promise.  If you hear me screaming, hopefully my hands are in the air and I"m on my way down from Colossus.

[[Mo...]]

Hi everyone;  Where and how are you Coop?  Well I hope and that is why you've been less active here. 

I'm not as far along as most of you but I have found this board to be the most informative and I feel I belong here with you guys.

I wanted to ask about the doubt that creeps in to everything I do while going through this.  Sometimes I feel like I could be normal but there seems to be a block in my brain that is very negative and full of fear.  I'll think I should go to the mall and just buy a new shirt or something normal but I feel scared ..... its hard to explain.  Do you guys understand?  it makes it so hard to move forward.  I feel awful but I feel better than before; clearer but it's almost worse because I see more clearly what is happening to me.

I finished a not so slow taper the 3rd week in April so I am approaching 5 months.

Any support with this would be appreciated. I'm back to crying most of the day.  Ugh. 

 

Woot - I used to get this when I began to venture out.  There was a lot of progression for me between the months of 4-8.  I could only be out for a few hours and then the world began to close in around me.  To me it was like agoraphobia would creep up on me.  I wanted to get home and hide ASAP.  I would say for sure this is withdrawal and nothing to worry about.  Go out when you can, but don't push yourself too.  It can cause your CNS to get overwhelmed.  Baby steps.

 

Yes, you can have hyper clarity on what is going on.  We talk about that a lot here and I think it's why we ask if it's us or w/d.  Any of the symptoms that make you irrationally fearful are definitely w/d.  Then later after you pass this part, the mind will play on rational fears.  It's all the same strategy to call a spade a spade and know that it is w/d.

[[Mo...]]

Life ... I had to stop "questioning" ... it was driving me nuts ... maybe after all this is "over" I will reflect on the "whys" and "hows" and "what fors" ... I am not in good enough shape yet to put myself through that ... and maybe I won't even bother ... my "method" now is not adding to the "stress" of my healing ...

 

All I need to know: 1) I got on the drug, 2) I got off the drug, 3) I am healing, and 4) I will not take the drug again ...

 

And the most important thing I "know" ... I am getting better and better ... I am no longer in hell, for now stopping over in limbo, on my way to heaven ...

 

All the rest is just day to day living ... and in the fullness of time this will be over ... in the mean time, acknowledge my "accomplishments", rest in my unlimited "patience", "be" where I am right now, use what I have "learned" these past three years, and when the time arrives, stroll graciously over the finish line ...

 

In the meantime, chop wood, carry water ...

 

 

Nova, boy did I ever need to hear that.  I need to keep this very simple, just like that.  Thank you

 

Ditto..

[[Mo...]]

Hi kids,

 

Not a lot to report.  Was reading up on everyone's posts. 

 

Jenny - I want a dog too and love pugs.  My son demanded a dog, tree house and a swimming pool.  The dog sounds the best.

 

Happy Anniversary to those hitting mile stones.  Another month closer to this being over.

 

Sky - I know these waves are normal, but I understand the fear of extra stressors making things worse.  How could it get worse, right??  Stay in the now.  Don't project.  You are really good at the already. 

 

8 weeks of this now.  Praying for a break.  My days are pretty good, but at night I consider myself acute.  Last night I turned off the tv and prayed for 5 hours.  I think I got it.  Was up at 3am and still sit here at 5:30am.  My counselor told me to get up and away from the discomfort. 

 

I have decided to quit beating myself up for having what I consider to be a best case scenario of support and lean into it.  If I wake, the tv goes on or I get up.  I try to rest during the day and put no pressure on myself to do anything.  Hubby and my mom have really leaned into the doctors advice about needing more time to heal, so no pressure from them.

 

Panic is a tough one to deal with for an extended amount of time.  It doesn't like exercise or self talk.  The only reprieve I have gotten is when I found a scripture last night.. 

 

Psalm 28:7  My HEART trusted in and I am helped; therefore my HEART great rejoices. 

 

My heart has frightened me the most thru this 8 week wave.  When I read this it was like my heart, as an independent member of my body was trusting in God itself.  Kind of like the all of nature praises God, so the very cells in my body trust in him.  It quieted the panic last night and I was really excited. 

 

Okay, I am going to lay down for a few hours until my oldest needs to get up for school. 

 

Hugs and prayers,

MommyR

 

M, the nights are not my friend, either.  I just read about and started -- forgot how to spell it -- yoga breathing, 4x in through the nostrils, hold for 6-7 seconds, breathe out slowly through the mouth, count of 8.  I did this years ago in yoga.  I was having a bad time last night.  I tried and it helped.  You have to keep doing it, but it seems to work

 

Feel better.

 

I am getting lazy at this.  Just want to lay on the couch and go for the ride, but the panic won't let me.  It's like a car the keeps cutting me off when I just want to go for a Sunday drive.  I will try the breathing.  Also going to call my counselor back.  She gave me an exercise to do for positive affirmations, but I need her input. 

[[Mo...]]

Hello All

 

I woke up this morning ready for the usual assault of s/x, but nothing happened.  I was like, wow, I don't feel half bad.  And that never happens, lol, so I'm not sure what to do with it.  It looks like the downstairs bathroom.  It's been calling my name.

 

Have a good day!

 

Hilarious!  I love thinking of you waking up pinching yourself at feeling well and the benefactor of this glorious moment is the downstairs bathroom..  LOOOOOOVE IT!

[[wh...]]

Thank you Mommy R;

I have noticed that my fears are more rational now; but still scary as hell and so real. it makes me see that my brain is trying very hard to right itself again.....

I tell myself ....this is withdrawal, all your benzo buddies are there with you; just stick together; just keep going.....one foot in front of the other......... 

Thank you for your support.  I was just on my bed begging God to help me....and then I made myself get dressed and am going for a walk/run.  I won't overdo it while I'm in this wave.. I was training to go in a 5 k run but will not make that goal.....I have to not feel defeated.....it's hard. 

If it were not for you guys and all of us having these hellish symptoms I would not be able to take this somedays....

Thank you , thank you thank you.......maybe you guys are the answers to my prayers....

:smitten:I will try to be more positive later....

[[Mo...]]

My plan for today...

 

Turn the TV on and charge up the iPad for Mr. 3 year old.  I have to get a website finished stat.  I promised a client back in May I would have something to show for their meeting tonight. 

 

Green - MM is medial Marijuana and it is looking very tempting to me right now.  Extremely tempting.  If Benzo hadn't of  screwed me up so bad, I can see why people reinstate as you mentioned happened to you in 04.  Don't even feel bad about that one.  I was on the verge of hysteria this morning and thought what the heck do I do with myself if I can't take the meds again.  I wouldn't have used the MM for that, just to get some SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!

 

Ok, back to my day.  The website..ugh ugh ugh..

 

Hubby leaves for a trip today and I told my mom I don't need her.  Mentally I don't feel like I do, but at 3am I need flesh and blood support.  She is gong to have to keep her phone near.  It's just one night.. I can do it, right??

 

I need a positive confession for you guys today..

 

I made it to the beach two days in a row.  The air was refreshing.  My MIL and I walked and talked.  We put our feet in the ocean and my 3 year old squealed with delight.  I love the energy my children give me.  Their love is so positive and propelling.  I hold and snuggle them and it's so amazing to feel them. 

 

Sunday night my MIL, her brother and boyfriend all came to visit because hubby bought us tickets to a comedy event at Verizon Wireless Amphitheater.  It was wicked hot outside.  We sat on the green above the seats.  There were  17,000 of us, seats and all.  The temp was 91 at 8pm.  I was doing really well, but got a bit claustrophobic.  At the end of the show, they told everyone to wait for a surprise and Dave Chapelle walks on stage.  The crowd went wild.  It was really good to see him after he left comedy a few years back.  My husband kept hugging me saying he was so glad we got out of the house and we should do this all the time.  I agreed.

 

My biggest happy moment was last night.  My oldest has growth plate pain in his heels and wears cushy cups in his shoes or it's painful to walk.  I didn't' want to watch him limp around soccer again, so I called a local youth water polo program.  The guy told us to come out for a few nights and try it out.  My son LOVED IT!!  He kept saying how fun it was and giving me the thumbs up.  I was sooooo happy for him.  He is very tall for his age.. add painful heals and it's not fun for him to be active. 

 

I had previously said I wasn't going to do evening sports, but this is the part of mommy hood I looked forward too.  I want a mini van and kids in the back.  Plus, if he is happy to do it, then it makes me happy.  We will try it again on Wednesday, but i think it's a go. 

 

My oldest is also loving school this year.  Last year was terrible because of the teacher so we had him transferred after months of dealing with issues.  This year he says home work is fun, he loves his teacher.. It's night and day.

 

Okay.. back to website.. ugh ugh ugh..

[[Mo...]]

Thank you Mommy R;

I have noticed that my fears are more rational now; but still scary as hell and so real. it makes me see that my brain is trying very hard to right itself again.....

I tell myself ....this is withdrawal, all your benzo buddies are there with you; just stick together; just keep going.....one foot in front of the other......... 

Thank you for your support.  I was just on my bed begging God to help me....and then I made myself get dressed and am going for a walk/run.  I won't overdo it while I'm in this wave.. I was training to go in a 5 k run but will not make that goal.....I have to not feel defeated.....it's hard. 

If it were not for you guys and all of us having these hellish symptoms I would not be able to take this somedays....

Thank you , thank you thank you.......maybe you guys are the answers to my prayers....

:smitten:I will try to be more positive later....

 

Yup, Yup and YUp..  I truly believe in this process there are lots of forced visits to hell, much time spent on our knees begging God to make it stop and then the blessed support of each other.  Knowing we are in it together until we get to the other side.  I have had God show up front and center, but I have also had long bouts of silence.  Is he the same God when there is silence?  Yes, he is. 

 

You are not alone ever. 

[[He...]]

Good morning,

Oh how I love this thread and the support that is here!  I cling to it during tough times.  This wave still has bite to it and it has brought a lot of physical symptoms along with fear and anxiety.  I haven't felt this badly in a very long time, and that is hard to take.  I even went back to scrolling through back pages of the post-withdrawal thread looking for reassurance. I did find a poster (I wasn't logged in so I don't know who it was) who said that she was hit with a huge wave about 15 months that brought lots of physical symptoms and then was completely healed by 18 months.  That gave me some hope that I needed this morning. 

This wave isn't constant, it cycles randomly throughout the day, but I feel lots of fear of getting worse.  :'( 

I am praying for you all and hoping for a good day for all of us! 

HH

 

HH, I was on the threads last night looking for reassurance myself.  Haven't been there in a while.  A wave will rock your faith, it will make you doubt everything you know and believe to be true.  It will whisper lies into your ear and make you feel fear.  Remember waves are responsible for further healing, but they also make us crazy.  That's why we hate them.  We could handle almost everything in a wave, but the fear factor is what brings us to our knees.

Just a wave.  You will come out of this feeling wonderful, better than ever, with brand new shiny brain connections that work better than the ones you had before, lol 

 

Thank you!!    I needed to hear this. 

Love to you!

[[Mo...]]

Good morning,

Oh how I love this thread and the support that is here!  I cling to it during tough times.  This wave still has bite to it and it has brought a lot of physical symptoms along with fear and anxiety.  I haven't felt this badly in a very long time, and that is hard to take.  I even went back to scrolling through back pages of the post-withdrawal thread looking for reassurance. I did find a poster (I wasn't logged in so I don't know who it was) who said that she was hit with a huge wave about 15 months that brought lots of physical symptoms and then was completely healed by 18 months.  That gave me some hope that I needed this morning. 

This wave isn't constant, it cycles randomly throughout the day, but I feel lots of fear of getting worse.  :'( 

I am praying for you all and hoping for a good day for all of us! 

HH

 

HH, I was on the threads last night looking for reassurance myself.  Haven't been there in a while.  A wave will rock your faith, it will make you doubt everything you know and believe to be true.  It will whisper lies into your ear and make you feel fear.  Remember waves are responsible for further healing, but they also make us crazy.  That's why we hate them.  We could handle almost everything in a wave, but the fear factor is what brings us to our knees.

Just a wave.  You will come out of this feeling wonderful, better than ever, with brand new shiny brain connections that work better than the ones you had before, lol 

 

Thank you!!    I needed to hear this. 

Love to you!

 

I didn't see this post.  I needed that too.  Thank you Green... and HH for pointing it out.

[[li...]]

i just wanted to wish everyone a good night... had some new that hit me and stressed me and went into a wave just as I was recovering and seeing a bit of a window. Oh well, I know I will get through this. No more stressors soon -- two months or so.

 

Life

[[pe...]]

Hello,

Again, this is an active place and it's bedtime for me after a full day of working and mom-ing. I'm not going to catch up here until the weekend. But I'm thinking of you all. And I'm still doing ok. I've seen some of my old passion and intuition come out these last few days. That's been cool. I feel the dr nipping at my heels but sleep seems to be helping. Also, my best friend since I was sixteen is staying with me for a week while she starts a PhD program and will be moving back to our city permanently this winter. It's so great to have her here. It's hard not to 'feel' better when she's around and expecting me to be sane.

 

I'll keep peeking in as I can. But I'll have more time on the weekend… until then take care.

 

Peace2

[[He...]]

Hello,

Again, this is an active place and it's bedtime for me after a full day of working and mom-ing. I'm not going to catch up here until the weekend. But I'm thinking of you all. And I'm still doing ok. I've seen some of my old passion and intuition come out these last few days. That's been cool. I feel the dr nipping at my heels but sleep seems to be helping. Also, my best friend since I was sixteen is staying with me for a week while she starts a PhD program and will be moving back to our city permanently this winter. It's so great to have her here. It's hard not to 'feel' better when she's around and expecting me to be sane.

 

I'll keep peeking in as I can. But I'll have more time on the weekend… until then take care.

 

Peace2

 

Peace,

This makes me incredibly happy for you!  Enjoy!!