Better than Ever at Two, now THREE Years off Xanax

[[au...]]

I have just started here on this site, I've been on and off Xanax and Valium for the past 6 years have been put on recently Sertaline they tried every one in the book.  Prescribed originally for Sever Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Depression after I left my husband of 22years due to his Alcoholism and abuse.  I now no these drugs have only made my life so much worse.  Originally as you have said I thought it was a miracle drug but as time went by I was really only existing and still don't think i have delt with the loss of my relationship and life that went with it.  I was 16 when meeting my husband and life with him was all I knew.

I had never been on medication before this and my doctor never mentioned I should only be on them for small period of time, in fact he was happy to keep giving me scripts of both and even Nitrazapam for sleeping.  My tolerance was building therefore took more and more and escaping the problems in my life.  I don't drink alcohol at all now and have not for years, I just don't like the taste.

I also have put on alot of weight, which at the moment are really trying to use my exercise bike 30min every day and eat healthy.

I am scared, I only have a small amount of medication left and my original doc who was handing out these meds was closed down due to this.  I have struggled to find a Doctor or any professional here in Australia that will help with a tapering method.

I have been to detox twice and finished each time, they only do it over a period of 7 days and my body and brain were not adjusting well.  As you no that's when all the horrible symptoms start.  I even had A Seziure and was very sick, this was after 7 months and the second time, I felt so bad all the time I tried so many other things to help, meditation, natural remadies etc and i felt that I could no longer live this way and I would rather die.  I felt I'd been on a huge burden to all around me.  No one i new had delt with this, I could not expect them to understand the full extent of how bad i was Mind, body and soul.

So I relapsed a friend was giving them to me, knowing one day I would have to face it again, the general anxiety of all this in it self is extremely bad.

I really need to find a good doctor that will understand and help with a tapering method.  In Australia they have just clamped down on prescribing any of these medications, I understand why but myself and people like me that were really test subjects should now be given proper care to come off these medications.

At my highest point I'd been taking 8mgs xanax a day and 25mg valium  a day.  Have not used Nitrazipam for a long time. 

With the medication I had left I tried to tapper myself but it's just so hard.  I'm looking after my father who has had a stroke and helping my mother with the house and all needs, I'm happy to do these things and can when I have the meds, once I'm off I don't no what too do & I no how bad I'll feel, trying to stay positive though and I feel like I've let everyone down again.

All the symptoms you have mentioned I have had.  I no you understand where I'm coming from.

Am very happy to hear how good you are and how far you have come, you should be so proud of yourself and all others here that i've read about.  I too have lost my lust for life in general.

best wishes to all, this is my story in short, although it sound long.

Magenta    :'(

 

 

I am going to post this on the blogs of Australians I know....hope to get you some help Magenta...

 

 

P❤️

 

I have connections with the best Benzo wise Dr's and professionals in Australia, I have sent Magenta a pm.

[Guest [in...]]

Megan,

 

Thank you, so much for posting your amazing story.    I'm very happy for you.

   

It's astounding how much this medication dulls the senses and zaps vitality and enthusiasm.

Looking forward to the day I no longer take this med (have a 20-yr hx).

 

Again, thank you, so much for the inspiration.

 

Much kindness and love to you,

 

Ins

 

[[lo...]]

I am day 2 into my taper and only just taken my second tapered pill, I am so nervous and scared right now. I was given the xanax for panic attacks/agoraphobia. stories like yours give me strength and faith. that this nightmare ends. thank you so much for sharing. and congrats! 

[[ca...]]

Congratulations!  Wow!  Thank you so much for posting your story.  It is so encouraging and inspirational.  You are so strong and I am so happy to learn you are continuing to heal and feeling so much better.  I am only 2 months off and experiencing many symptoms.  So, reading stories like your's really give me hope and determination to keep going.  Thank you again for sharing. 

[[me...]]

Thanks everyone.  We really do heal, even those of us who go through long, painful withdrawals.  It's just a matter of time, though the amount of time varies for each of us.  If you were on low doses for a short/moderate time and this is your first withdrawal, you're almost certainly won't suffer anything like I did.  I was on high doses of Xanax for many years, had two unsuccessful withdrawals one of which was a c/t-detox, and reinstated and kindled.  Even so, I still healed. As a matter of fact, at 2.5 years off now I'd seldom even think of my experience with Xanax withdrawal if I wasn't part of the team here.  The mind has a way of forgetting traumatizing experiences like this...

 

[[sp...]]

What a great story, especially encouraging as you are "older". And I don't mean that in any bad sense, as I am older, too, and am most afraid that my brain will not return. I knew almost two months in that it was turning me into a dull, depressed, zombie. I am also an artist and just want my love for a beautiful Japanese maple to return.

Much love and best wishes that it all keeps getting better and better!

[[me...]]

What a great story, especially encouraging as you are "older". And I don't mean that in any bad sense, as I am older, too, and am most afraid that my brain will not return. I knew almost two months in that it was turning me into a dull, depressed, zombie. I am also an artist and just want my love for a beautiful Japanese maple to return.

Much love and best wishes that it all keeps getting better and better!

 

I appreciate your response...Yes, I'm older, in my mid 60's now, but I feel much better and clearer than I did during the 13 years I was on Xanax.  Getting off was hard, but it was worth it!

 

[[...]]

Thank you Megan for your story.....I hang onto reinstatement stories so much and I pray to God that he will give strenght to overcome this daily non stop agony.....

Megan I have just one question to "a guide who already made to hymalayas"

How you managed to pull yourself through the deep moments of despair when you feel that  there would be no end to your torture?

 

Thanks

Love

Eva

[[ro...]]

Megan, morning 4 am panic and cortisol spikes are terrible for me.what may I ask, distractions worked for you?

I try you tube, meditation, but I'm at my worst.

Any feedback helpful.

Your story gives me hope, I'm 62, and trying now for a year tapering ativan and valium..

Thank you.

Rose

[[me...]]

Thank you Megan for your story.....I hang onto reinstatement stories so much and I pray to God that he will give strenght to overcome this daily non stop agony.....

Megan I have just one question to "a guide who already made to hymalayas"

How you managed to pull yourself through the deep moments of despair when you feel that  there would be no end to your torture?

 

Thanks

Love

Eva

 

 

Megan, morning 4 am panic and cortisol spikes are terrible for me.what may I ask, distractions worked for you?

I try you tube, meditation, but I'm at my worst.

Any feedback helpful.

Your story gives me hope, I'm 62, and trying now for a year tapering ativan and valium..

Thank you.

Rose

 

Hi Eva and Rose,

 

Since your questions are both about "distraction," I'll answer them both here.  When I was in acute withdrawal, I was suffering from dreadful physical and mental symptoms.  I truly felt I was going insane, and was at a low point I'd never imagined before in my life even though I'd had plenty of experience with anxiety and depression.  When I started to have intrusive morbid thoughts I couldn't control, I knew I had to do something, and "distraction" is what came to me.  I don't mean the kind of distraction that one only does "if they feel like it."  I somehow knew I HAD to do this, and to keep doing it until I got through the acute stage. So, I distracted myself relentlessly and obsessively, using whatever worked in the moment and then switching to something else as soon as the previous thing stopped working.  I used my very obsessiveness to do this. It was a stream of consciousness thing where I made use of whatever popped into my head (there was no preplanning of what to do next).  I distracted myself this way over and over until it became a habit.  It was my main "job" every day, and it was serious business.  Interestingly, it wasn't long before I actually started looking forward to my favorite distractions!  I kept doing this for many months, and in time my symptoms began to fall away one by one.  It was a long process, one day at a time, and there was no knowing how things would eventually turn out.  But I just kept on doing this, moment by moment, day by day, and eventually at about 20 months off I healed. 

 

 

 

[[ro...]]

Megan , it sounds like a lifesaver, I too have the deep depression and intrusive thoughts..I feel .ike I'm losing it sometimes, it's scarey..I agree.

Can you be more specific...like did you sing, paint your nails, dance, write a letter, take a bath, walk around the house, etc....btw, I've done these things...

Could you share?

I'm running out of ideas..and I have a way to go......

Thank you, rose

[[me...]]

Megan , it sounds like a lifesaver, I too have the deep depression and intrusive thoughts..I feel .ike I'm losing it sometimes, it's scarey..I agree.

Can you be more specific...like did you sing, paint your nails, dance, write a letter, take a bath, walk around the house, etc....btw, I've done these things...

Could you share?

I'm running out of ideas..and I have a way to go......

Thank you, rose

 

Sure, I watched classic movies on TCM, "Law and Order" episodes, Masterpiece Theater, etc.  I interacted with my cats and birds, played online games like Angry Birds and Freecell, organized/fixed up my house, worked in the garden, went out on short drives to the local parks and beaches, shopped online, and pored over art sites like ETSY looking at arts, crafts, etc.  Pretty ordinary stuff, but it worked for me.  When, eventually, I was able to read again (at approx. 6 months off), I started rereading books I'd already read by favorite authors, then eventually branched out to books I hadn't read before. 

 

[[mr...]]

Megan, morning 4 am panic and cortisol spikes are terrible for me.what may I ask, distractions worked for you?

I try you tube, meditation, but I'm at my worst.

Any feedback helpful.

Your story gives me hope, I'm 62, and trying now for a year tapering ativan and valium..

Thank you.

Rose

 

Rosegal, I hope you don't ever feel badly about tapering slowly

 

I slowly tapered over two years from 0.25mg alprazolam. I just finished up my taper a couple days ago, and I just wanted to say that I do not regret a slower taper It's what was right for me! Moving at whatever pace you need to =

 

You're doing great! You'll be at the end of your taper before you know it! Take care buddy

 

Mrs.

 

(PS my apologies for hijacking your success story thread, Megs! )

[[ro...]]

Thanks Megan,

Those are all great distractions..it's been snowing here in Missouri , I'm going to have to find some things like feed the birds, shovel snow, knock snow off the satellite dish, or no tv, bake everything, cookies, muffins, Hershey chocolate cake , off the can of cocoa, ...always hug my dog...my dog Alisha has seen my worst times, ...you have given me more ideas..

Bless you

Rose

[[ro...]]

Mrs, oh hello, thanks for your support and friendly post. I'm going at a reasonable rate. My Drs think it's slow, but we are the people having to taper and live life with  Sxs, so slow , I go.

Hugs to you too, and I'm glad you did what was best for you also...

Rose

[[sp...]]

Megan,

Did you not experience any insomnia?

[[me...]]

Megan,

Did you not experience any insomnia?

 

Yes, I had severe insomnia for a month or two.  But it went away on its own after that. 

[[sp...]]

Did you just wait it out?

[[me...]]

Did you just wait it out?

 

Yes.  I knew it was a withdrawal symptom, and that it would go away as I healed, and so never had much anxiety about it, which was odd because I had enormous anxiety about almost everything else.  But I'd never had any significant problems with insomnia before that.  One thing I DID do that really helped me was to allow my sleep pattern to be whatever it was--if I was exhausted after lunch, which I often was, I'd just go to bed and sleep as long as I could.  Napping really helped me, unlike many people here who speak of "toxic naps."  Naps were my salvation, really...

 

Healing is just a matter of time, and time is the healer.

 

[[br...]]

Megan, your story was so inspirational!  It made my day and gave me hope.  I am tapering from an extremely high clonazepam dose and know I can do it...one day at a time, one foot in front of the other until I walk into the sunshine!!

[[me...]]

Megan, your story was so inspirational!  It made my day and gave me hope.  I am tapering from an extremely high clonazepam dose and know I can do it...one day at a time, one foot in front of the other until I walk into the sunshine!!

 

Yes, doing this can be difficult but it's not impossible, and the rewards are tremendous! 

[[...]]

Congratulations, Megan! I can't wait to write my success story.

[[Li...]]

Thanks Meagan for encouraging others...    Your story is helpful and full of information we all can use...

 

Lilly555 

[[Je...]]

I love this thread. 

[[jo...]]

What did you do to distract yourself/ I find that all i can concentrate on  is the leg/ neck pain/ head fogginess and then i am so tempted to take the clonazepam earlier or a tiny bit more. It is especially hard when i need to go and socialize with friends or have a family function. I am so afraid of the awful feelings and wonder if they will ever go away and if I will be unable to ever make it through the taper. I am getting very depressed as I failed a prior taper and wonder if I have the strength to get through another one. I really need to be here fro my family and my husband,