Help with starting liquid taper from Xanax and adding Valium

[[Ju...]]

That's what I was responding to above.  If you want to up dose due to the work, it's totally up to you.

 

I believe you'll do fine no matter how you mix and match the .25 & .50 tablets.  I noticed no change and I was dealing with a 1mg vs a .25.  A 1mg is 4X more concentrated than a .25.  So if there had been a difference in my situation, I believe I'd have noticed this.  I understand your concern but I believe you'll be fine. 

 

Tired tonight here ... busy day ......

[[...]]

Totally up to you.  It's your taper.  That's the beauty of a patient directed taper.

 

But I need you to give me the answer Juliea!!  HA!!

 

Just kidding.. I know it's up to me...

 

But what would you do, if it was you?..Really.

 

It is true that my pattern calms down by day 5. And day 5 will be monday and thats when I'm getting the Fed ex with the work.

But just starting to 'calm down" from a cut and being ready to work are two different things. Like, If I got the work right now..today, I'd go back to .5 and hold. knock out the job, then cut on Sunday night. That would have been 14 days.

 

But since I'm not getting it until monday..right when my peak is supposed to end, I would cut until Tues. or wed, after busting out the work as fast as I can , so I can get it over with and then finally cut.

 

Or do I just go for it and hope I'm not too sick.

 

I'll tell you this, once again, had I not been srewed up on my last two cuts due to the dreaded cream.

 

I'd hold in a heartbeat. Get the work done. Then cut.

 

But since I already held two cuts in a row, only because of the cream, I want to get moving again.

 

But if I didn't have that last experience. I would hold on this.

 

You don't think waiting and making this cut 16 days instead of 11, would set me back do you?

 

Thoughts?

[[...]]

Sorry, I see you said your tired and having a busy day..

 

I'll leave you alone after this!

 

Thanks..

 

See, I'm all amped because, I feel good ( that's why I'm worried and think if I keep on with the cut, I might NOT feel good for work). But today finally after 11 days, feel good.

 

Hope you feel better.

 

Thank you again as always.

 

Your the best Juliea!

[[Ju...]]

But what would you do, if it was you?..Really.

 

Me?  I would not have up dosed.  All I could bring myself to do was taper down, not go back up.  But that was me.  You do what you need to do and don't feel bad about your decision, whatever it is.  Congrats on getting the work!!

[[...]]

Thanks Juliea!

 

Well, I think I'm gonna go for it. And keep cutting.

 

Today's day 2 anyway, and Monday will be day 5..So we'll see.

 

Say a prayer!

 

 

[[...]]

Hi Juliea!

 

How are you? I've been MIA for a bit due to going through hell on this last cut. It's why I haven't posted in a while..

 

Anyway, the update...Well, I went ahead and cut .0625 from my .5mg cut on Thursday April 3rd ( I was debating holding due to the fact I got sent some work) The work wasn't due to arrive until Monday (5 days later) so, I went for it and cut. Of course, the work arrived on Saturday! Right when my symptoms were ramping up ( as they usually do during the first few days of each new cut). But I decided to try and work anyway even though my WD's were starting. I had to take breaks and breathe and all but, I did it. And got most of it finished by Monday and all finished on Tuesday. My client was very happy with the work said I did a excellent job and that was that. Fine. Good.

 

The other thing that is good is so, far ( day 12 into .4375) I haven't had any dizzy spells! It's weird, I'd been cutting for weeks and went 5 weeks then the skin cream disaster, then held and when I finally cut to .5, I had the usual day 2-5 WD's and 'peak" but then I stabilized. Every thing was just as it had been on the last 3 cuts, cut, 2-5 peak, stable..cut again on day 10. The end. Except when I got to .5, I had the same pattern but then got this crazy dizzy feeling. Never had it before the past 6 weeks into this, but it lasted the ENTIRE cut..all 10 days, then finally on day 11, it stopped, And so, I cut.

 

Now I'm at .4375 and have not had the dizzy at all. I had it daily last cut. This cut, not at all.

 

So, that's the "good news". The bad news is..This cut has been HELL. Like never ending! Slow burn with peaks and valleys and it's day 12 going on to day 13 and I'm still a mess!!! All of my previous cuts have followed the same pattern. But not this one.It started out the same..Cut, day 2-5 WD's peak around day 4/5..BUT THIS TIME it keep on going..day 6 rolled around and I thought I was done and BAM! WD's. My episodes start either right when I dose ( the first 20-40 minute 'climb" is hell) then I calm down,,and about 3 hours pass and BAM! same thing..WD's and wait about 20-40-1 hour and it goes away.

 

This pattern started probably around day 7 ( when I normally would start to stabilize and get ready to cut again, not this time!) and it hasn't stopped since. My dosing goes like so..around 4pm , my first cut of .1875..wait 5 hours..then around 9 ( or when ever 5 hours has passed) I take .1250 ( this is my cut dose)..then I wait 4 hours ( because it's getting late) and take my final dose of .1250 around 1am or 2am ( when ever 4 hours have passed , some time 4 1/2 hours). Then that's it. I don't dose again until 4 or 4:30 the next day. And it's been my dosing pattern for 8 weeks now. And during my last dose and first dose, I used to have peace. I would eat, watch some film, then try and sleep.Sleeping was hard because I FINALLY got a break from the xanax rollercoster and would want to cram in as much life as I could before it all started all over again..so, I had to force my self to sleep. Now, the past week I've only been getting 3 or 4 hours sleep before it's time to dose at 4pm, then I do and go though the hell 'climb" for an hour until I stabilize and then I go back to sleep for about 2 hours.

 

What's been happening is for the last 6 days, starting on day 6 when I NORMALLY would be setting down. I got MORE symptoms! And more frequently too! Starting 6 days ago NOW I don't have my little 'peace" break between my final dose and my first dose at 4pm. NOW ( since last 6 days) I get WD's about 4-5 hours after my late dose. THIS NEVER HAS HAPPENED BEFORE!! on any of my cuts ever. Now it does. And when it hit's it lasts at least 1 hour..( just like the amount of time it takes a Xanax to work) then it goes away. But I can't dose! I already did my doses.. I get hit at 5 or 6 am but, I can't dose until 4pm , because I did my three doses already. So, I just take the pain. and ride it out.

 

Again, this new pattern nightmare started when normally I would be at the END of my latest cut. I should be cutting by now, it's day 12..but no way in hell am I cutting now!! I am HOLDING! No problem. I just want it to stop. So, now, my body is expecting a 4th dose! But I've never gave it one for the past 8 weeks. The whole time of my taper it's only been 3 doses. That's all. And it was fine. As fine as this experience can be, that is. But when I hit below .5mg to now .4375. I can't settle down.

 

What to do? Any thoughts? I thought maybe my cuts were off? Like too big? But I save and mark all the left over half's from each cut and they all look the same as I've been cutting for 8 weeks now. In fact two of the doses are unchanged since the last cut. And two are just a cut of a half a .25. Easy.So, I don't think thats it..

 

Could it be it's just that this cut is tough because it's the first time I've been below .5 since last year? Is this normal? I don't want to up dose and go back to .5 but, it's been 12 f'n days here! Today will be day 13 and no way am I gonna cut yet.

 

And this time it's not some cream or any other outside B.S. that's making me go crazy , it's the cut.

 

Help! Ideas? Why is this dragging on soooo long and then adding NEW WD patterns?? I haven't changed anything , I think, except that now I'm at .4375? that and I don't sleep as well and as long. Other then that,no change!

 

Got to take a break..here comes WD number 4 again ( at 6am) this never happened before a week ago!!

[[Ju...]]

Darn, JACD.  There are a couple of things that come to mind.  First, the work.  I'm sure you had to really push yourself to get the work completed.  Some time when we are in a situation like that, under high stress, this causes our nervous system to be much more sensitive.  My period of high stress during my taper resulted in my biggest wave and longest hold.  It's obviously taking a bit longer to settle down this cut and it sounds as though the work might be the wild card that precipitated the wave.

 

Second thought is you seem to be describing interdose withdrawal.  You also mentioned you dropped your 4th dose.  You might think about breaking up the dosing again to 4X per day and see if this helps.  But, if you don't want to be on 4 doses again, you might as well hang on until the wave is over.

 

The thing I can tell you is that these symptoms WILL abate, IMO.  Hang on and know you will begin to feel better shortly.  And no, I don't believe this cut is hitting you this way due to it being below .50mg, I believe it's hitting you this way most probably because of increased stress due to the work.  Try to chill and ride it out and I hope you stabilize quickly. 

 

And think about this.  Many people recommend holding for 2-weeks.  We Xanax folks seem to usually get a pass on having to hold that long --- but not always.  Some cuts require longer holds than others and you can clearly see why.  Good luck and good job holding tight with your dose.  The only way off of the med is to slowly keep heading towards zero.     

[[Ju...]]

Here is a thread you might like to read.  It's a gathering of musicians going through withdrawal and some of the challenges we musicians face during this process  :

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=105411.0

 

 

[[...]]

Hi Juliea

 

Thanks for the post. Well, yeah, I've only ever had 3 doses per day. So, I never dropped a '4th" dose, Because I've never ever had one.

 

That's the thing. My body now is ( for some reason) acting as if it's time for another dose..when it's never had a fourth dose in the first place!

 

That's what I was trying to say before..On this cut, it's ADDING symptoms and changing the PATTERN.

 

I used to have 12 hours of peace from last dose to first dose..and now I don't it's seeming like it's wanting another one in between now.BUT IT NEVER HAD A FOURTH DOSE!!

 

That's the thing.

 

And I'm wondering why? Why ? is this happening?

 

Like you say, It's just another cut...etc..same as all the rest..

 

So why the hell am I flipping out? and why has it not stopped by now when every other cut has?

 

That's what I want to know.

[[...]]

I will say this..It seems to have modified in intensity..The WD's now are doing two things..one, they don't last quiet as long, thank god, like it may only last 40 mins...not 1 hour and a half...

 

And the other thing is, it used to follow after every dose, about 5 hours later I would get inter dose WD's. Just before the next one, but then it changed and they came 4 hours after each dose, then next day it changed again and it hit 3 hours after last dose,,with the intensity slowly lessing with each day, but still happening nonetheless. AND craving a 'phantom" 4th dose craving..with WD's that last about the same amount of time as taking a real dose...and then it passes.

 

This pattern has been going on for 6 days now. It did not happen the first 6 days. This is new. Today will be day 13.

 

It is weird that the WD's are 'moving up" as each day progresses. From 5 hours after a dose to, 4 hours after , to 3 hours..etc..

 

Again, I have not changed anything on my end.

 

 

Also, just now...I would have been hit with my 'phantom" 4th dose craving WD by now...and so far, nothing.

 

This is good. But if I make it, it will be the first in 6 days of not being bothered in the morning.

 

 

It just keeps changing shape, you know?

 

What to do?

 

It's not because I'm below .5? Really? Why is this the longest and hardest cut? Shouldn't it be old hat by now? I finished the work , like 6 days ago...and it wasn't that bad..

 

Thoughts please!

[[Ju...]]

This is why benzo wd can drive us bat crap crazy!  There is sometimes no rhyme or reason for what happens during the process.  Some folks chase down trying to find reasons and come up with all sorts of things --- they blame their wds on foods, supplements, other meds and these kinds of things certainly might be factors.  But the bottom line is our bodies are withdrawing from an extremely addictive med and while the body is trying desperately to get itself righted, (homeostasis), sometimes the body hits a block.  And while it's working to achieve homeostasis and out of whack, symptoms will hit until the body gets it right again.  Your body will get it right again.  Just try to chill and hang on.

 

Sorry, for some reason I thought you once had an extra dose you dropped. 

 

The reason it hasn't stopped by now is that your body is still trying to get itself righted.  This cut is simply taking more time to resolve.  But it will resolve.  Keep yourself going forward in time, get plenty of rest and by all means chill. 

 

Are you drinking any alcohol?

[[...]]

No. I'm not drinking.

 

That's the thing..I'm doing the same as always...but things are changing on me.

 

 

I have had a problem with not sleeping ( because I've been getting hit with my 'phantom" 4th dose WD craving) and so I wait up and wait until it passes..the first 3 days it took 2 hours to go away and feel safe..THEN i went about trying to sleep.

 

But other then the sleep issue ( which has been bad, like 4 hours a night) I've been the same.

 

Would it be 'safe" to hold until like, Sat or Sunday?

[[Ju...]]

I see no reason why holding would do anything but help. 

[[...]]

Thanks Juliea

 

 

Ugh, so sleepy...

 

Well, guess what, so far..I have not had my 'phantom" 4th dose WD this morning...maybe you brought me good luck..

 

Was thinking about what u said, It was stressful this week, in that things were not the 'norm" around here..Not just with the work, but other things and did have some stressors, even if it's 'good stress". I wasn't just doing nothing and trying to ride though the hell. I had to function a bit.

 

So, maybe that did it..It has been really hard to sleep. and I know that can mess you up..In fact, one of the main reasons I want to hold is because I want to try and get this sleep pattern back to normal and try and get 5-6 hours before my first dose. I don't want to fight two wars at once. Insomnia AND Benzo WD. One nightmare at a time, please. I've only been sleeping 3 hours lately and it can make you feel like hell even when NOT on this Benzo crap.

 

So, maybe your right...It was stressful...

 

Because, I can't think of anything else that I did dose wise or cut wise than I've done the past 8 weeks.

 

By the way, Sat the 12th was my 2 month anniversary of doing a 'proper" cut taper. I really started on Jan 8th, but that's when I didn't know about cutting and all..I started for real on Feb 12. 2 month anniversary. went from .75 to .4375 in 8 weeks. Pretty good.

 

 

So, holding for 16 -17 days this cut is Ok? It won't set me back will it?

 

Not that I could cut anyway. I need to chill first...

[[Ju...]]

So, holding for 16 -17 days this cut is Ok? It won't set me back will it?

 

A-ok as far as I'm concerned. 

[[...]]

HI Juliea

 

Well, I held. Today is day 17 of my .4375 cut. And things have gotten better, my 'phantom"4th morning craving dose slowed after about 4-5 days then stopped.Thank God.Now I'm just back to the usual WD sxs.But generally things have improved .I keep massive diaries with all my dates, times and Symptoms, so I can keep track of what the hell is going on with me. And things are cooling out. However, as I write this..I've been getting WD's, jumpy, restless, agitated,,panic bursts,,etc,

 

I haven't had a dose in 12 hours ( as normal) and I'm due for one in about an hour. Anyway, other then this moment right now, the days have been better. I will say, I was eyeballing a nice glass of red wine about 2 hours ago when my WD's hit! I didn't have it. But I almost did!I thought, I'm bugging out, I've got 3 hours before my next dose, it's day 17 into this cut, and it's EASTER! I want a wine!!

 

But I didn't.

 

I'll be taking my reg dose in about 30 mins anyway..so why take the wine...but a few hours ago..I really thought about it! I have not had any on this cut, even when getting all the bad WD's I wrote about before.

 

The last time I had some red wine was two cuts ago back when I had to hold (16-17) days due to the steroid cream nightmare. I had some wine with food on like, day 15 of the hold. Not before. And I was fine. I read horror stories about people who say not to do it but, I was cool. Also, I'm a big drinker in the past. I've drank for about 25 years. Xanax I've only had a problem with for 6 months ( and this taper). Drinking has never been an issue. I know how to hold it. BUT I really don't touch it at all during my taper. Just that one time when I was board and ready to cut but had to hold due to the steroid B.S..

 

Anyway, after this..I hope I can have a drink. I REALLY want one after going though all this crap!!

 

In fact, drinking was one thing that let me realize I had a problem with the Xanax. I would be recording late and into like my 4th drink and out of the blue WAM I'd get this strange wave of fear and anxiousness. It was so strange.I thought"what is wrong with me?". I'd be drinking and I STILL got nervous and uptight! I never suspected I was going trough Xanax WD's but I was. But see, since ( unlike now) I never took it everyday, days would go by and I'd not even take or think about Xanax, but I'd be having a drink etc..then WAM! A WD!

 

That's when I knew something was up. And that's kind of the point Booze DIDN''T make the WD's stop. That's how I found out I was sick. I'd be into my 3rd drink and the panic restlessness didn't stop.

 

That's also why, I think, Xanax and Alcohol are NOT totally the same. I don't care what they say, for me,one is not a replacement for the other. And I do think that alcohol , at least for me, is 'safer", then Benzo. I know they are supposed to both work on GABA but, one (benzos) is really bad and the other ( wine) is not.

 

Like I say, if they both worked on the same GABA receptors then why wouldn't I get relief from Benzo WD while drinking?

Because I didn't.

Also with drinking, I've gone though times in my life when I'd drank for days then stopped and been fine 24 hours later..but with Benzos..forget it...I'm still trying to kick this junk.

 

I could be drinking vodka for two weeks straight and bounce back in a day or two. But not with this crap. Thanks again Doctors!

 

Still, I don't want to add any more stress or drama to my poor CNS right now...so, I don't really drink during the taper. It's not worth the risk.Though I think I'd be fine if I did. I just feel from my own experience using both Alcohol and Benzo ( and some times at the same time) that they affect different parts of the brain. At least for me they do. One is mellower and you can recover fast and the other is like a nuclear bomb!

 

Anyway, I don't know why I got on this rant? I feel better though. Not gonna touch the Wine....and now it's time for my first dose!

 

Well, I'm thinking about cutting tomorrow  (day 18) I've just got to get on with this...even though I still feel a bit jumpy, I do feel better and have for the past 4 days..except for the last two hours though!I guess, we're never gonna feel 'perfect" until this crap's totally out of our system...

 

Damn, makes ya want to drink!

 

But I won't.

 

Any thoughts? Comments?

[[Ju...]]

I stopped drinking alcohol during my taper.  One month free, I decided I would have a very weak vodka drink on my birthday.  No increase in withdrawal symptoms.  I probably had 5-8 drinks/beers that whole summer.  Never more than one at a time.  I never had a problem.  Went to the Keys for New Years for a week this past Jan. and drank every day, sometimes 2-3 Pina Coladas.  No increased withdrawal symptoms.  No hangover.  We're just all different.  I seem to be able to tolerate alcohol better now than I did while taking Xanax.  I was one to sometimes get an instant headache when drinking while still on the benzo.  And my hangovers from a few drinks would last for days.  Granted I still very rarely drink, but when I do it causes me no increased symptoms.

 

One interesting thing is my alcohol tolerance.  Even when I drank over New Years, I did not feel the least bit intoxicated.    That was strange.  I would have thought I'd feel intoxicated after drinking one drink, but 3, Pina Coladas with a dark rum shot floating on top of the frozen drink.    I didn't feel a thing.  Wonder why?   

 

You'll be able to drink again.  And yes Alcohol does effect the GABA receptors, but in a slightly different manner than benzos, from what I understand.

[[...]]

Hey Juliea

 

Nice to hear you! Thought you'd be posting tomorrow! Cool.

Well, I hope I can have a drink when this is done.Like I say, the time I did have some wine on this taper, I was fine.My Body's been used to alcohol for 25 years. This Benzo crap about 6 months.One has been around for centuries, the other was invented in a laboratory by big pharma.

 

I think I'm gonna go with the wine...Ha!

 

But not yet.

 

But when I would (back in the day) take a xanax and then later have a drink ( or they would overlap) I was fine. I never used Xanax to get high. Never. I'd use booze to get 'high". But not Xanax. Xanax was supposed to be 'medicine". It was safe, right. It was prescribed by Doctors...Ha! What a joke! Look at me now.

 

I'd rather be on street drugs then this crap!

 

It sounds like your doing fine with being able to drink. That's cool you waited one month and then tested it. I'm glad you said that. I was going to ask you as I got closer to the end of my taper, when did you try and drink. I was afraid you'd say 'oh 2 years" NO!! Ha!

 

I do, feel I could drink now. In fact before I was on BB. I was trying to sort of taper anyway ( I went from 1mg to .5 but didn't really know what I was doing and ended up back at .75 etc..then on Feb 12 have been doing it the right way.0625 cuts...

 

But, at first I would drink back in the day and off and on dose and it didn't really bother me.

 

Now having a massive hangover, or drinking so hard you get the shakes the next day? THAT i would not want to do during a taper. Or even anytime really. THAT I could see really messing things up.

 

But I never drank like that anyway. And the rare times I would in the past drink like that, pre Benzo, I would get really bad panic attacks from it. Even before i ever even used benzos.

 

So, that's not something I would dare mess with.

 

That's cool you went to the Keys. I was down there once. Nice.

 

Yeah, they say Booze hits GABA too, but look at you. And me too. It's got to be a slightly different GABA. Like A vs. B. Something is different. One takes FOREVER to get off of and makes you feel like hell for months, the other doesn't. Maybe booze is like mini GABA light, and Benzo is like HEROIN extra strong. But they say even Heroin is easier to kick then Benzos. Thanks again Doc's! Good looking out for us! Well, it's not like they would know the facts or anything. It's not like they went to Med school for years or.... Oh, yeah, right.

 

Well, it's been 17 days (my longest hold yet) should I cut tomorrow? Maybe this is as good as I'm gonna feel.

 

I like what you said once about when you hit .25 you didn't feel anything. I hope I'm like that! And I do think you were right , I was stressed this last cut. I've even got a little cold sore too. I get it when I'm stressed. So, that may have revved up the sxs on this cut.

 

Also, I try and cut the same sizes, but sometimes it may be off...but I usually pick the larger of the two, just to be safe. Do you think maybe the body will give you sxs if your cuts are a tad too big some days and regular size the next? Would that be a problem? Because, it's not like my cuts are smaller, if anything they may go from regular to slightly larger. Not the other way around. Still, they are not consistent 100%. Do you think that could rev up sxs?

 

 

[[Ju...]]

The varying sizes of my cuts did not cause me to get revved up.  I usually took the larger pieces at the beginning of the hold and the smaller pieces towards the end.  But at times when I decided to hold longer and had to cut more pills, I just used what I had on hand.  I could never tell a difference with the tiny variance in pill size.

 

Gotta run.  My TV show Resurrection comes on in 2-min.

 

BTW, I'd go ahead and cut. 

 

Good to see ya! 

[[...]]

Cool, Thanks Juliea!!

 

Well, now, I'll do it!

 

I'll go for it and cut tomorrow! What the hell? Why not?

 

Yeah, I cut like you do too..I'll take the larger cuts at first then smaller as we go on..

 

Resurrection huh? Never seen that one...

 

I'm a Mad Men fan myself...

 

Good to see you too!!

 

Have a good one!

[[...]]

Hey Juliea!

 

How are you? Well, just a update, I cut on Monday. Now at .3750! Thank God. I cut yesterday and it's been OK so far. A bit jumpy at times but hanging in. One good thing is, one of the reasons I was having trouble on the last cut ( and why it went 17 days ) was not only due to work stress etc but also due to the fact that my sleep pattern went out of control. I work late and sleep in the day, then start the dosing.3 x a day since I started my taper in Feb.

 

Anyway, it used to go, I'd take my first dose around 2pm, wait 5 hours or so,7pm or even 8pm some times, take 2nd dose, wait 4 to 4 1/2 hours, and, by 1130-12:30, I'd take my final dose. Then I would have about 10-12 hours of PEACE finally, and could relax and eat and watch a film, read. It was nice.It was the only time in the whole 24 hours when I was 'left alone" from the Benzo beast. However, the problem was I had to somehow sleep during some of those 10-12 hours of peace, or else there'd be hell to pay the next day when the dosing began.

 

So, what started happening is,I'd feel so good and be so relived and happy that I would stay up, and read, have fun, cook a meal ( I didn't drink ) but it was like that. Like being 'normal"And I kept pushing back the time I would sleep! and kept having to push back when I would start the dosing pattern too. So, instead of it being 2pm to start it was 3pm or 4pm or 5pm. Not every day, but this happened over a month period.

 

However, whatever time I would dose, I would always keep to the 5 hour to 4 hour between dosing pattern. So, whether it was 2pm or 4pm of my first dose, I would always wait 5 hours until the next. I did try to keep the time consistent, even when the starting time was changed.So, since I kept up my 5 hour pattern between pills, I ended up sometimes taking my final dose at 3am!! But that's how it worked out time wise.

 

And what happened was my sleeping was totally off. I'd want to sleep by 6am or so, and I kept pushing it back ( or couldn't sleep) then it's be time for my first dose and I hadn't slept yet! But I was tired. And being tired really adds to my WD's.

One feed's off the other. Insomnia and WD'S.I was keeping the dosing pretty regular but my sleeping was way off. And the sxs were flaring way up, and late into my taper too.Like days 11-15 etc. I should have been cutting by then but I couldn't and I think it was because my sleep was so off.

 

I need some rest. And just stayed up past my first dose, and took the pill and set the alarm and slept for 3 hours, woke up took dose number 2 slept 3 hours, woke and did number 3! It was crazy, but I just slept where I could. I had to rest or the WD's would be even worse. But I knew it was not a long term solution to the insomnia and fixing the sleep pattern.

 

The only way to fix the sleep pattern is to STAY UP, even though you are so tired, and WAIT until the new time you want to start sleeping is, And then sleep.

 

I knew this too, but I didn't want to mess with my WD's by forcing myself to stay up until I changed the pattern. But it's the only way to do it.

 

Anyway, that's what I did yesterday. I STAYED AWAKE all day and after my first two doses. I really wanted to sleep, but held on until after the late dose ( I took my final at 1am, better then 3am, as I had been for the past 2 weeks) and it WORKED!!

 

Thank God! I slept like a baby and woke up around 9am and just hung on until 4pm and took my first dose. And the day was fine.

 

For the past two weeks I had been wide away for 12 hours without being able to dose yet. I found myself really getting symptoms. When in the past I would normally been asleep during most of it. Now I was wide away. And feeling every little bump in the road.

 

So, hopefully tonight will go the same way. I'm staying up, and sleeping by 2am or so, getting 6 hours , if I can or more, then I'm only having to 'white knuckle" it for 5 hours or so, not all 12!!

 

Also, I did cut yesterday. Felt a little something today, probably wont hit until tomorrow or so, but at least my sleeping wont get in the way. I hope!

 

I'm now on .1250 3 x a day. So low, really...

 

But still in pain.

 

 

Any thoughts Juliea?

[[Ju...]]

My sleep tends to be all over the map.  But I can tell you that when I force myself to go to bed at a regular time, I feel so much better.  Sleep is so important during a benzo taper.  Having regular sleep helps us get through the process.  You're doing so great with your taper.  Congrats on getting down to .0375!!!! HUGE accomplishment and I'm proud of ya JACD. 

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Hey Thanks Juliea!!

 

I couldn't have done it without your help and support. It really means a lot.

 

I was so scared when I first got here. I didn't know anything. And you showed me the way.

 

Thank You.

 

Well, today is day 3 of my.3750 cut,It's .3750...not .0375..I've got five more cuts to go...I wish it was .0375!I think that's how we list it , right? .3750? I take .1250 , 3 x's a day now, whatever that is... that's .3750, I think? Still got a ways to go. Five more cuts.  Lucky me.

 

Anyway, today is day 3 of my .3750 cut. it's really 48 hours from first dose to now ,so cut wise, it's day 2, calendar wise it's day 3. All of those times I thought I was holding 10 days, turns out I was holding only 9 days! Funny. Anyway, now I count days by hours since each cut, not by the calendar.

 

Well, went through the usual WD's this afternoon. And didn't sleep as well as last night. (I only got 5 hours and woke up 2 times) Like you said, sleeping on a set pattern is SO helpful with the Taper.It's true. And it sounds like we're both night owls! And I hate sleep sometimes! I feel like it gets in the way, you know? Having a great time and then it's like 'oh, great, I've got to go to sleep now?" Why? When you don't want to. Before this Benzo nightmare, I've always been up way late, and like you, sleep weird hours all over the place.

 

But our CNS doesn't like that, I guess. So, we've got to try and stick with it.And like I wrote yesterday, that means forcing yourself to stay awake when you don't want to, then finally picking the right time and hoping you can sleep.Then sticking to it. Like right now, I'm sleepy. But I've got to stay up, then go to bed at night, like a normal person!

 

It has been better on me to only be up for about 4-5 hours and then starting the first dose. That way when the WD's hit, I know I've only got to hang on a bit until I can dose. Last week and last few weeks, it was being awake for 12-14 hours and not dosing. That sucked. and I feel like my SXS were worse. Because, I couldn't sleep and it was not time to dose. I was just waiting. And suffering.

 

Now, I just sleep though it. Or at least half of it. So much better.But it means you've got to stay up and train your self to sleep when you want to. Can't give into it. But it does pay off, by minimizing the WD's and the amount of 'awake" and 'sober" time between doses. I still get the WD's but at least I'm not wide awake for it , you know? Half the time was spent asleep.

 

Ahhh, what now? Wanted to finish some Mixes today, but they'll have to wait. Just found out my Mom needs to go in for some tests and needs someone to pick her up, and I can't do it. Too sick to drive still. So, that's stressful. She's been cool , we're gonna get somebody. But that's just another little stressor I don't need right now. Plus, she's had this problem for many , many, years, and NOW she decided to finally deal with it? Really? Right when I'm in the middle of my health crises, she starts this? She couldn't have taken care of  this last year, or the year before?!!! UGH!!

 

Whatever. Also, I hope everything is Ok with her when she does get the results..because if not...ugh, more drama and stress!! That I can't deal with right now.

 

I've got my own damn hell going on! But I dealt with my problem immediately!

 

Thoughts?...

[[...]]

Juliea

 

I see your coming up on your one year anniversary off Benzos!!!

 

Congratulations Juliea!!

 

Yay!! You Rock!!

 

 

[[...]]

Hi Juliea

 

How are you?

 

Well, happy to report things between my Mom and me are much better. She got some good news from her doctor and my brother took her.It's just frustrating when you want to help someone you love but you can't because your sick yourself.It hurts that I couldn't be there for her right now. Thanks to Benzos. But she's cool with it and all is well now.

 

Well, it's the second day in a row when I feel almost "normal". I still get a few WD's here and there like a (0-1) that last 20-45 minuets, then pass.

 

My feet hurt. Ever get that one? And ringing in the ears I get now. Great for musicians! Thanks again Benzos! But, it passes.

 

Is this 'normal" to start feeling less sick and having less WD symptoms so frequently as your dose reduces and you go lower into your taper?

 

Or is this just a window, then wham! Here comes the sxs again?

 

How did it progress for you?

 

Thanks!