The Xanax Club, Let Us Know How You Are Feeling Today

[[He...]]

Enzo It,

I don't dilute drops. I dissolve a 2mg tablet of Xanax (Alprazolam) in 200ml water and this gets me .01mg per 1ml of water. I dissolve it in a water bottle. When I go to dose, I shake the bottle and pour a little bit into my measuring cup. I use a syringe to draw up my dose and I squirt it into a shot glass and drink it. I then pour the remainder of my Xanax solution back into the water bottle for later. I don't want to throw any Xanax out because I don't know if I might lose the prescription before I am done tapering so I am stock piling my Xanax to last my taper. I am currently taking 18ml every 3 hours to avoid interdose withdrawal. That's .18mg every 3 hours or 1.44mg per day. Over time, I will have to reduce my doses too. I plan to reduce over several months down to .01mg once per day and then jump.

I'm doing what's easiest for me to taper down and prevent as much WD as possible. 

HM

[[En...]]

Oh ok, today I’ve talked to my doctor and she told me to take the dose every 6 hours instead of every 4 but today I feel way worse than yesterday. Nausea, dizziness.. are you guys able to drive?? I can’t even sit next to the driver because I still to feel I have to throw up right away

[[se...]]

I don’t drive (don’t trust the symptoms) and the doctor said no go while on this stuff.  I did not find dosing multiple times a day helped me.  I stayed on the twice daily and lowered my reductions. 

 

Hope you feel better!

[[He...]]

I don't drive because of the insomnia. It causes you to not be able to focus 100% on the task at hand. It's dangerous to drive when you're under-slept and very tired.

[[se...]]

If it makes you feel better , I was waking every two hours and had horrible sleep for a stretch.  Oddly it improved right after my Covid vaccination.  Maybe just a coincidence, but wanted you to know your sleep will improve.

 

Hang in there..

[[He...]]

Thank you, Seasalt,

I slept a few hours last night, which for me is good, so I am grateful. Thanks for the words of encouragement.

 

HM

[[ba...]]

Question.

 

Over the past several weeks, I have been slowly dosing down from 9 to 8.25 Mg's a day. A lot of my motivation is I have so many paradox doses. Almost daily. I get days where I don't, but it's pretty much the norm. I had a bad paradox yesterday on dose 2, so I cut out .16Mg's from it today.  (my cuts are usually on one dose at a time, 16 Mg's. 16 Mg's is half of a .25, so I split them, that's how I get that number. I found weighing not consistent.) Each day I  cut a bit more instead of doing it all at once. Also, I have been fighting to get down from 9 Mg's for a year, I hit a hard wall. I kept trying, but the cuts were really intense, and it has been an ongoing struggle. I really have to get this train out of the station, enough of holding, I want to get moving on this now.

 

Today I hit 8.25. mg doses, each 2.75mg. I am having the worst ongoing anxiety and panic attacks I have experienced. I am 2 hours into second dose.  This is intense and unbearable. I don't know if I am underdosed, in a wave, or what is going on. 

 

I don't dare cut anymore down for a while, I pushed through this, and am aware I need to let it settle.

 

Previous cuts left me feeling undermedicated, but it was tolerable. This is new and intense. Also, I don't think it's a paradox, because I don't experience this huge anxiety/panic during a paradox, just a lot of nasty sxs.

 

Is this normal?  Is acute anxiety/panic  a result of cutting and to be waited out? I am terrified that the medication doesn't work anymore, and am desperate, it is getting worse with lots of sxs kicking in the longer I go.

 

I desperately need to know if this is an effect of an underdosing, and/or an effect of cutting, and it's normal. That would calm me down.

 

Please tell me what you can.

 

Thanks

[[He...]]

baddove,

Sounds like tolerance WD. That's exactly what I had and why I am tapering now. I still have anxiety and brutal insomnia but I had that before I started tapering. I am doing a liquid taper. 2mg Xanax tab dissolved in 200 ml water = .01mg per ml. I am currently (as of today) dosing 17 ml (.17mg) every 3 hours to avoid interdose WD thats even worse than regular WD. I had all those paradoxical symptoms when I hit the ceiling too. I used a pill cutter at first but wanted my doses to be pretty uniform and consistent so I went to liquid to have more control.

I hope to see you on the High dose Xanax thread and the Xanax club thread. I am sorry you are suffering and I wish you the best with your taper.

 

HM

[[ba...]]

Heart

 

Thank You. Thank you. Thank you.

This is normal. The paradoxing at the ceiling, then the acute anxiety/panic with forcing myself to start tapering and stick with it.

 

I do periodically post in the other xanax board.

 

I tried liquid a long time ago, it did not go well. At my high dose, dry cutting works the best. I just ordered a new Gemini scale, mine just wont behave and be functional, but I have had it for a few years.

 

I am having major dental work done Thursday. I am desperate to be functional for those procedures. I am going to add .13 back into dose 1 tomorrow, see how it goes. If I can have a better morning, I think it will help. If it paradoxes, back to 2.75.

 

After that, I can suffer, no big commitments.

[[He...]]

BD,

Sounds like you know what you're doing  . I have anxiety but my biggest symptom is insomnia which was one of the reasons it was prescribed in the first place. I also have WD low-grade anxiety throughout the day. I look forward to following your progress. There aren't a lot of high dose Xanax people on here. It seems to me, it's the biggest gun in the benzo world and does the most damage but I hope I am wrong. It's nice to not be alone.

 

HM

[[ba...]]

You have made amazing progress, I am impressed.

 

Thanks for the support.  It's nice to find another person who hit the ceiling and is also coming from a higher dose. Also the paradoxing. I don't see many people experiencing that. Just those commonalities help reduce my stress. Not that I am glad you went through it, but it lets me know I am not crazy, and these things do happen. Normal.

 

The level of anxiety and panic waves started at 5 this morning, and the first 2 doses did not help. I know that dose 3 wont, either, it is usually the worst dose every day. I am stunned. If I can just get through to Thursday, without 1 minor updose, I will be beyond grateful.

 

I have no idea what is coming from here, I should know these things, but I don't. Just pain? IDK.

 

Any other advice, warnings (like it's probably going to be really bad for a while,) or thoughts appreciated.

I knew this would hurt, but I had to get out of my rut, I was appalled when I looked at my notes last month and saw how long I had been at 9mgs most of the time, many attempts to lower, just couldn't get through. I also had to get out of the paradoxing , they are typical with high dosages.

 

Thanks again, I hope you thrive and will be watching your progress as well.

 

 

 

 

[[Lo...]]

Baddove,

 

I'm so sorry you're going through this!  For what it's worth, the first part of my taper was the absolute worst with anxiety and panic attacks.  I swear to you they were constant.  From 6 mgs. to 3 was tough but I kept plowing through.  I had so much trouble with racing heart, palpitations, POTS, tingling extremities, dizziness, etc.  I thought it would never end.  I didn't see how it could! 

 

Low and behold, something totally shifted once I got below 3 milligrams or should I call it the halfway point.  When I tell you that all of those symptoms disappeared, I mean GONE!  My heart rate since then hangs in the 60's to low 70's when watching TV or relaxing.  It used to be in the 90's!  And keep in mind that I'm in terrible shape fitness wise so it's not because of exercise.  The full blown anxiety and panic attacks have been gone for over a year now.  I'm still stunned that I don't have them any longer!  I pray this will be the case for you as well!

 

I honestly believe that it's just your body reacting to tapering down.  Remember how most of us got a reaction to the Covid vaccine?  It was the body's way of telling us that our immune system was responding and that the vaccine was working?  That's how I look at the taper these days.  Feeling "symptoms" or "side effects" is simply your brain telling your body, "hey, you're not giving me the same amount of Xanax and I need to do some repairing!"  This thought process gets me through the many side effects I deal with on a daily basis. 

 

Hang in there!  You're moving forward.  I'm also a long term, high dose, patient and my symptoms mirrored yours a lot!

 

Love,

Lori

[[ba...]]

Thanks so much Lori. You really cut fast! How on earth did you do that? I assume you were still in pain as you made your cuts. You are some kind of amazing.

 

As bad as it is today, there is no way I could cut further right now in this condition. It needs to tone down before I can make more cuts, this is unbearable.

 

I did do the cut from 9 to 8.25 in about a month, so I pushed through pretty fast to get here. And I do know my brain is in shock. It is used to getting its gaba from the drugs, and I pulled out enough of the med to send it into distress.

 

I tried to yoga last night, and only lasted 15 minutes before I felt overwhelmed. I hate the prospect of loosing my various exercise outlets as they have traditionally calmed me down much more than the stupid drug. I can't even get to the market right now, UGHHHH.

 

I wish I knew where I got this so I could give credit, but it's what I am using for motivation.  It seems to be what both you and heart did. (not updosing, getting off the poison so the brain can heal):

 

increasing the dose until a longed-for plateau of 'stability' arrives is not a good strategy. The truth is that one never 'stabilises' on a given dose of benzodiazepine. The dose may be stable but withdrawal symptoms are not. It is better to grit one's teeth and continue the withdrawal. True recovery cannot really start until the drug is out of the system.

Pharmacologically, neither reinstating nor updosing is really rational. If withdrawal symptoms are still present, it means that the GABA/benzodiazepine receptors have not fully recovered (see above). Further benzodiazepines cause further down-regulation, strengthen the dependence, prolong withdrawal, delay recovery and may lead to protracted symptoms. In general, the longer the person remains on benzodiazepines the more difficult it is to withdraw. On the whole, anyone who remained benzodiazepine-free, or has remained on the same dose, for a number of weeks or months would be ill-advised to start again or to increase dosage.

 

 

[Guest [fl...]]

Hi buddies, does anyone know if coming off xanax results in more residual anxiety? I am 8 months CT short-term use, and it's my main symptom that never leaves me. Intensity is decreasing at like 1% a week - so, so slow. Getting discouraged

[[lo...]]

Not okay. Back in interdose tolerance withdrawal again. I don't think I'm in a mental state to try and start my taper. I am also scared to up dose.

[[He...]]

You have made amazing progress, I am impressed.

 

Thanks for the support.  It's nice to find another person who hit the ceiling and is also coming from a higher dose. Also the paradoxing. I don't see many people experiencing that. Just those commonalities help reduce my stress. Not that I am glad you went through it, but it lets me know I am not crazy, and these things do happen. Normal.

 

The level of anxiety and panic waves started at 5 this morning, and the first 2 doses did not help. I know that dose 3 wont, either, it is usually the worst dose every day. I am stunned. If I can just get through to Thursday, without 1 minor updose, I will be beyond grateful.

 

I have no idea what is coming from here, I should know these things, but I don't. Just pain? IDK.

The entire reason I am tapering is due to tolerance withdrawal. I wanted ot go to sleep and took a 2mg tablet of Xanax and had heart pounding, panic, and akithisia. I was wide awake. I then took a 10mg Ambien which did nothing for me either. It was then that I knew that I have a huge tolerance problem on my hands and I need to get off this stuff. I have been tapering since may 1st, so it's only been 5+ weeks for me but I am super grateful that my WD symptoms aren't worse. I do have anxiety that creeps in from PTSD but the worst thing is the insomnia. I have to wait for my brain to heal and that's not easy. I totally understand your wanting to use a scale to weigh your pills and taper that way. I find the dissolving a 2mg tab in 200 ml of water super easy and it allows me to draw up my dose in a syringe and not throw out anything since I don't know if I will lose my Rx before I am done tapering. I am stock piling my Rx's just in case.

I hope you stabilize soon and feel better soon. There's nothing like your beloved, calming, sleep inducing Xanax to turn on you and CAUSE all your original symptoms except worse.

 

HM

 

Any other advice, warnings (like it's probably going to be really bad for a while,) or thoughts appreciated.

I knew this would hurt, but I had to get out of my rut, I was appalled when I looked at my notes last month and saw how long I had been at 9mgs most of the time, many attempts to lower, just couldn't get through. I also had to get out of the paradoxing , they are typical with high dosages.

 

Thanks again, I hope you thrive and will be watching your progress as well.

 

[[ba...]]

Not okay. Back in interdose tolerance withdrawal again. I don't think I'm in a mental state to try and start my taper. I am also scared to up dose.

 

Tolerance wd is one of the primary reasons people start to taper. Yes, it's scary, but if your ready, you can do it. You can make tiny cuts, as low as you want , I do.

 

I am sorry for your troubles. Be careful with updosing, it made me worse with more symptoms and made tapering much more difficult. I did  it a year and a half ago, and have been paying for it ever since. The more benzo running through your body, the more down regulation of gaba receptors. Meaning, your body is using the xanax to get gaba, and making less on it's own the higher you go.  Also, if you updose to get out of tolerance, it will will happen again. Your body will acclimate and want more.

 

You are one of the few people whom I have seen at a very high dosage at some point besides myself (9mgs for me)

 

I suggest you post in this group as well, it's for high dosage and long term users:

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=219884.0

[[ba...]]

Update on my complete blowout yesterday. I was sick to my stomach  for a few hours during the night, that was bad.

 

I went ahead and took 2.75 this morning, it's acceptable and actually doing something, not the rage from yesterday. I am going to add  .14 to dose 2, that is the one that has to get me through the bulk of the day. It's a test to see if it helps and doesn't paradox.

 

I am having a panic attack, but it's because of an email I got. This is not unusual. The unrelenting waves of panic and anxiety yesterday was unusual. I hope it does not come back.

 

Doing this so I can be in the best possible shape for the dentist tomorrow. Once I get through that, will prob go back down to all doses @ 2.75 and hold on for dear life.

 

I am tapering period, because I can't take this anymore. The wd is severe, but I'm going forward anyway.

[[En...]]

Guys I feel unstable like on boat almost all day long, I feel so tired and dizzy I can’t do anything but lying down. I’m tapering from 0.25 to 0.2, how long will it take to get a

Little better? I’m living like a vegetable, it’s so difficult, exhausting and sad

[[se...]]

BD, I am so sorry to hear you had to updose.  Best of luck tomorrow, I am sure everything will be fine and you can resume your taper.

 

EnzoIt, I had dizziness for a week and held and mine passed.  Others have said it has been a couple of months, but it will pass I am sure.  Hang in there...

[[ba...]]

Enzoit-

 

Those symptoms will pass when the brain has corrected the cause which is as follows:

 

Occipital Lobe This is the vision center. t's at the back of your skull.  In recovery, my nerves have been all wacked here. I see things as too bright - possible due to this lobe - and/or the actual visual nerves in the eyes.  But no doubt people "see things" that aren't there.  Vision is distorted. Things go blurry.  Colors are totally off.Brightness is off.  There are a hundred symptoms possible in vision alone!  But again - it's a matter of time.

 

Vestibular System This is the system of semi-circular canals in the inner ear that are responsible for making you feel balanced in space.  When this is "off" or damaged temporarily, you feel dizzy. Oh man, was I dizzy. Early off - I felt like I lived in a funhouse.  Over time, a combination of this vestibular system and my damaged visual system made things look like they were "leaning". To this day, one eye sees things "correctly" and the other eye sees things as SLIGHTLY leaning. And it's not that the eye itself is seeing them that way.  The healing vestibular system is working WITH the eye to "tell" the brain that that object looks like it is "moving left-wards" or "leaning". But it isn't.  In waves, this can happen bad - and then be GONE - poof - in a window. This is just the vestibular system healing. It's gotten WAY better.

 

(from what is happening in your brain)

 

I have had those symptoms while tapering, they seemed to last about 3 months with varying degrees of severity. Hopefully, it will start to ease for you soon.

[[ba...]]

BD, I am so sorry to hear you had to updose.  Best of luck tomorrow, I am sure everything will be fine and you can resume your taper.

 

EnzoIt, I had dizziness for a week and held and mine passed.  Others have said it has been a couple of months, but it will pass I am sure.  Hang in there...

 

Thanks Sea.

 

It's a very small updose, mostly out of fear that I will be in a wave of panic, although that may not be true. I don't dare add much because of the potential for a paradox. The small updose is a test, if it doesn't paradox and helps, will repeat it tomorrow. I really need this dental work, it is extensive. At least I will be on nitrous which does help the anxiety. I can feel the reduction this morning, but I'm not in an ongoing panic wave like yesterday. 

[[En...]]

Thanks for your answers, is there something I could do to speed up the recovery? If I only was able to go and take a walk with a friend or even alone things would be way better. Today also the tinnitus is worse, what a bad day 

[[He...]]

Enzo It,

I feel your pain. I am bedridden too due to insomnia. I can't sleep but I'm so tired. I can't drive so I spend a lot of time on the bed watching TV, surfing the net or laying down because I'm so tired. Time will heal our brains. Benzo's do a lot of damage to the CNS and other areas of the brain and it takes time for it to heal. We'll get there. I also have some anxiety from tapering and rebound. That's another thing that is unavoidable. I have also had some light-headedness and dizziness for the reasons BD mentioned.

 

Hang in there. You'll get there.

 

HM

[[En...]]

Heart I feel your pain, I hope we will get better soon.