The Xanax Club, Let Us Know How You Are Feeling Today

[[Lo...]]

LostCause, what do you mean by "different chalk"?

 

Sorry, Hopeto...

 

What's the polite term for the "not medicine" part?

 

The new tablets are pressed from the same "football" die, but contain .5mg, not 1mg. And taste sweet-ish. The green ones did not.

 

Don't care what the "not medicine" is, only know it's metabolizing different.

 

And I must adjust to another 'New Normal' ... Any coping skills would REALLY HELP.

 

 

 

LC

[[Ho...]]

LostCause, what do you mean by "different chalk"?

 

Sorry, Hopeto...

 

What's the polite term for the "not medicine" part?

 

The new tablets are pressed from the same "football" die, but contain .5mg, not 1mg. And taste sweet-ish. The green ones did not.

 

Don't care what the "not medicine" is, only know it's metabolizing different.

 

And I must adjust to another 'New Normal' ... Any coping skills would REALLY HELP.

 

 

 

LC

 

They are called "excipients." 

[[Lo...]]

Just an update... I updosed a bit and am so happy that I did!!

 

I always kind of scoffed at the phrase "listen to your body" as I honestly thought that since I was so symptomatic for several years prior to my taper (severe I/d w/d) that I was going to be symptomatic throughout my taper and that the only way around it was to get off the Xanax. Boy was I wrong! I became non functional on .5 mg. Zero sleep, every muscle was screaming, etc.  it was truly that bad. Last week I was forced to updose slightly which initially pained me to do!  But I made peace with it... mostly because for 5 nights now I'm sleeping at least 7 hours, and I even napped for a few hours on two occasions!  Muscle issues are still there but starting to lessen. I swear my body is just so exhausted from being overly taxed for so long! I just kept pushing through horrible times when I should have slowed down.

 

I guess it really does make sense to at least hold when symptoms get bad. There's no medal being given for getting off faster than others.  I did the opposite by continuing to make reductions when I wasn't sleeping or when I was feeling absolutely awful! I had my mind set this summer that I would be off of this by Thanksgiving. Now? I'm fine with it taking a bit longer, even if it's after January, as long as I'm not feeling as horrible as I had for months! I've spent a week reading posts from people who slowed down and/or updose a bit until symptoms got better and then went slower and were able to walk off without any acute wd. That's what I'm praying for!  Fingers crossed.

 

I have to remind myself that I was on Xanax for 21 years (almost 2 years of that tapering to some degree) and it's going to take time for my body to adjust regardless of how fast my mind wants it to!

 

I'm seriously considering the DMLT from this point forward. People say that they had a tough time adjusting to it (especially w/ short acting Benzos like Xanax) but I figure since I updosed a bit, maybe starting from a more comfortable place might be helpful. I just have to believe that at lower doses, the 1% per day has to be far easier on the body than the 5-10% cuts.  I'll keep you posted if I go that route. Right now I simply want to enjoy the holidays with my family without being on a sofa or in a bed! Today I'm back to functioning ... cooking, reading, cleaning, driving, etc. ... but I'm exhausted all the time... it's like my body is in repair mode. However,  I'm trying to live in the moment and allow the few months ahead to take care of themselves. There's no going back and I'm certain that I'll be off Xanax for good in the months ahead, it just won't be as quickly as I had once hoped. Again, now the goal is to accomplish this with the least amount of severe side effects as possible versus the time frame.

 

Hope all are doing well! 

 

Lori

[[Lo...]]

and it's going to take time for my body to adjust regardless of how fast my mind wants it to!

 

Boy howdy on "body adjust"... And I've only been on X for 3 years 

 

Just changing to a different TABLET (at the same dose) is a genuine butt hurt.

 

I'll ride out the next 90 days, wanting to taper fast but... dealing with the "now". This recent discovery of - I'm not supposed to call it "chalk" - am thinking of going "Liquid" if I can get under 1mg by then.

 

I've got a really really GOOD Pharmacist, I will see what he feels is best - I'm pretty sure he can fill that.

 

Can't risk some of the methods (cutting with VODKA? = not) I see for making my own Liq.

 

Hell, if I could just drink I'd already be CT off the benzo... at least I know what Alcohol detox is like.

 

Aint goin' there 

 

HUGS 

LC

 

[[ba...]]

Lori, glad you found a solution, and proud of you for listening to your body

[[Lo...]]

They are called "excipients." 

 

Hope2, I woulda never found that in Roget's 

 

I guess "Butt Hurt" over my new "stepped on" tablets is resolving.

 

This AM, I literally have a boil on me bum. 

 

Get me lazy arse UP, go do cardio, and stop being a snivelling old hen 

 

LC

[[Lo...]]

I'm  just checking in...

 

I really wish there was better instruction etc. for those tapering off ONE dose (nightly) Xan

 

I'm less worse (sx) but more useless the past couple days

 

but have kept it "within" the 1.5 mark

 

LC

[[Ch...]]

Just an update... I updosed a bit and am so happy that I did!!

 

I always kind of scoffed at the phrase "listen to your body" as I honestly thought that since I was so symptomatic for several years prior to my taper (severe I/d w/d) that I was going to be symptomatic throughout my taper and that the only way around it was to get off the Xanax. Boy was I wrong! I became non functional on .5 mg. Zero sleep, every muscle was screaming, etc.  it was truly that bad. Last week I was forced to updose slightly which initially pained me to do!  But I made peace with it... mostly because for 5 nights now I'm sleeping at least 7 hours, and I even napped for a few hours on two occasions!  Muscle issues are still there but starting to lessen. I swear my body is just so exhausted from being overly taxed for so long! I just kept pushing through horrible times when I should have slowed down.

 

I guess it really does make sense to at least hold when symptoms get bad. There's no medal being given for getting off faster than others.  I did the opposite by continuing to make reductions when I wasn't sleeping or when I was feeling absolutely awful! I had my mind set this summer that I would be off of this by Thanksgiving. Now? I'm fine with it taking a bit longer, even if it's after January, as long as I'm not feeling as horrible as I had for months! I've spent a week reading posts from people who slowed down and/or updose a bit until symptoms got better and then went slower and were able to walk off without any acute wd. That's what I'm praying for!  Fingers crossed.

 

I have to remind myself that I was on Xanax for 21 years (almost 2 years of that tapering to some degree) and it's going to take time for my body to adjust regardless of how fast my mind wants it to!

 

I'm seriously considering the DMLT from this point forward. People say that they had a tough time adjusting to it (especially w/ short acting Benzos like Xanax) but I figure since I updosed a bit, maybe starting from a more comfortable place might be helpful. I just have to believe that at lower doses, the 1% per day has to be far easier on the body than the 5-10% cuts.  I'll keep you posted if I go that route. Right now I simply want to enjoy the holidays with my family without being on a sofa or in a bed! Today I'm back to functioning ... cooking, reading, cleaning, driving, etc. ... but I'm exhausted all the time... it's like my body is in repair mode. However,  I'm trying to live in the moment and allow the few months ahead to take care of themselves. There's no going back and I'm certain that I'll be off Xanax for good in the months ahead, it just won't be as quickly as I had once hoped. Again, now the goal is to accomplish this with the least amount of severe side effects as possible versus the time frame.

 

Hope all are doing well! 

 

Lori

 

Great to read this.    When I tapered I held for two months (holiday season, too stressful to taper) with good results, so that’s something to consider, too.

 

[[ci...]]

Hi fellow Xanax Clubbers...

 

I am Lindy..just noticed a post from "bad dove" (sp?) about this specific group for Xannie folks...I ama relative newbie to this board in general..I do check out reddit at times as well...

To be honest, I have an addictive personality.Plain n simple...been down the opiate road..used Kratom (wonder herb) to get off a horrible Norco addiction back in 2009..remember when opiates were readily available  back in that timeframe?...I have also "battled the bottle"...off n on for the past, 30 yrs or so...off now since 2015..no desire anymore to drink anymore (beer usually) burp..my age is creeping up on me and I know that the bod just does not like foreign substances as much as when I was younger...sooooo, started working (part time) at our office in '16...but since about 2018 when a new salesperson came on board, my workload (and stress) INCREASED...see the picture here..?..soooo, I searched the net, found a "reputable"(shrug) source for Xanax, u name it..sooo I ordered some, and here I sit, year and half later, still taking the crap...not just for stress now but to hold off the WD's...I realize that this cannot go on and would rather quit this junk...post holidays...will go to a legitimate psychiatrist and TALK to him/her...(EARLOADFUL)...anyway, won't bore u folks anymore...feel free to DMme if u wish...I am kinda new to all this but an "open book"..

 

Much warm hugs to all of you...from Lindy in Calif..

 

Oh, short history on dosages:

Started at 1 mg X a day (usually in morning BEFORE work); then it turned into taking another 1 mg. in the afternoon(after work)...now prolly at 2 mg. in the morning and 2-3 afternoon/night...sometimes I lose count.....I take more if there is an event/social gathering, etc...---->holidays soon....sigh

 

Ok, nuff:)

[[ba...]]

Hi fellow Xanax Clubbers...

 

I am Lindy..just noticed a post from "bad dove" (sp?) about this specific group for Xannie folks...I ama relative newbie to this board in general..I do check out reddit at times as well...

To be honest, I have an addictive personality.Plain n simple...been down the opiate road..used Kratom (wonder herb) to get off a horrible Norco addiction back in 2009..remember when opiates were readily available  back in that timeframe?...I have also "battled the bottle"...off n on for the past, 30 yrs or so...off now since 2015..no desire anymore to drink anymore (beer usually) burp..my age is creeping up on me and I know that the bod just does not like foreign substances as much as when I was younger...sooooo, started working (part time) at our office in '16...but since about 2018 when a new salesperson came on board, my workload (and stress) INCREASED...see the picture here..?..soooo, I searched the net, found a "reputable"(shrug) source for Xanax, u name it..sooo I ordered some, and here I sit, year and half later, still taking the crap...not just for stress now but to hold off the WD's...I realize that this cannot go on and would rather quit this junk...post holidays...will go to a legitimate psychiatrist and TALK to him/her...(EARLOADFUL)...anyway, won't bore u folks anymore...feel free to DMme if u wish...I am kinda new to all this but an "open book"..

 

Much warm hugs to all of you...from Lindy in Calif..

 

Oh, short history on dosages:

Started at 1 mg X a day (usually in morning BEFORE work); then it turned into taking another 1 mg. in the afternoon(after work)...now prolly at 2 mg. in the morning and 2-3 afternoon/night...sometimes I lose count.....I take more if there is an event/social gathering, etc...---->holidays soon....sigh

 

OK, nuff:)

 

Welcome Cinnabar.

 

We recommend planning and preparing for your taper before starting it. Read through the various articles in the different sections and educate yourself before starting a taper. And, prepare to change things up if a taper you start  is not working. Finally, get all the support and resources you can, then, it's time to begin. If you can find a doctor to work with, even better.

 

"What is happening in your brain," is a wonderful place to start your self education. It explains why we experience all the things we do, and that they are all signs of healing.

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=66397.0

 

Next, find coping techniques. Distraction, mind fullness, physical activity that you can do like yoga or cardio, computer games, meditations (Bayliss on YouTube has wonderful meditations just for benzo withdraw: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAW2oQe7UBezwClW_nPyP6A. And acceptance.

 

Acceptance is hard at the start, but the more you fight or try and get rid of bad feelings, the more you focus on them, the more they take control. Many coping techniques are designed to help you move into acceptance. Keep searching, and use anything that works.

 

Here is a link for taper plans.

http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual 

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?board=56.0

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?board=145.0

 

here is a list of withdraw symptoms, this will help you realize what you experience is normal:

https://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/bzcha03.htm#4my admin hat now:

 

 

[[Lo...]]

.... here I sit, year and half later, still taking the crap...not just for stress now but to hold off the WD's...I realize that this cannot go on and would rather quit this junk...post holidays...will go to a legitimate psychiatrist and TALK to him/her...(EARLOADFUL)...anyway, won't bore u folks anymore...

 

Cinnabar58, welcome. You're NOT boring

 

Even on a "small time light-weight" dose, it took several couple weeks of "duck-go" turning up at BenzoBuddy before I got the nerve to enter my email.

 

Check in so we know how you're doing. 

 

Hang tough 

 

LC

[[Lo...]]

Today, there was change. ??

 

Maybe just lower stress. It's too cold, I dont' NEED to go out... "Stay warm, EZ-does it Sunday" Now used to taste of the new tablets, they dissolve more slowly.

 

Need for Pre-dose wasn't evident till 6PM!! Less than  .4 mg kept things level. till 8:30.  I'm onboarding 'Pre-dose' @ ,125, give it 30 min, .0625 wait 30 min. & etc. Electronic snips not too precise...

 

Night went onboard "as usual", .5 @ 8:45, .5 @ 9:20PM

 

TODAY might be the first day under 1.4mg

 

I set no expectation for tomorrow. There will be cold, and driving and PT - careful attention to "yaw & roll" (instruments) I might remain stable enough to make at 5pm ... Could be unrealistic, I've had "Cold Paralysis" most adult life, so...

 

The needed dose does forestall the Tremor (and what follows) the 15 point fall in IQ and the impaired co-ordination are a huge caution. Unclear the DUI laws here, I can't risk driving with a full .25 onboard.

 

As things progress, I hope to "tidy up" and create a legible p-log, (with it's errors) for the sake of the next insomniac.

 

THANK YOU BB's 

LC

 

[[ba...]]

hang in there Lost cause.  :smitten:

[[...]]

Hello to All My Friends,,

 

Sorry for the long delay for getting back onto the Site. It's been a few years now and trying to get all my Ducks in Row. I'm doing fine, and if you have any Questions, just feel Free to Ask Away.

  Will try to Help You Out To the best of My Knowledge  and Experience.

  But Remember one thing. You will make it threw This. Yes you will with a little time and patience. God Bless Everyone.

 

Rocket

 

[[...]]

  YOU HAVE TO WATCH THIS DOCUMENTARY VIDEO ON BENZOS.

CNN, Lisa Ling Has done a Video About BENZOS,  and How to Get Off Them Forever.

You will be Amazed as You Watch It.

 

Rocket

[[ba...]]

Hello to All My Friends,,

 

Sorry for the long delay for getting back onto the Site. It's been a few years now and trying to get all my Ducks in Row. I'm doing fine, and if you have any Questions, just feel Free to Ask Away.

  Will try to Help You Out To the best of My Knowledge  and Experience.

  But Remember one thing. You will make it threw This. Yes you will with a little time and patience. God Bless Everyone.

 

Rocket

 

Thanks for joining us, really appreciate it. We need veterans.

[[Ba...]]

I feel awful today.

[[Fi...]]

I'm still feeling fine (after up-dosing).

 

Of course, I wish I had never been prescribed benzos so many years ago but it doesn't do very much good to cry over spilt milk does it?

 

I am grateful that I was able to successfully reinstate after my failed attempt to C/T from valium in order that I could finish raising my family and to complete my career services to retire with a nice pension. I am also grateful that I was able to successfully up-dose after my failed attempt to taper from xanax in order that I can enjoy my present times among friends and family.

 

I am hopeful that things continue well with me & I am especially hopeful that things will turn out well for all of you too.

 

Sincere Best Wishes 

[[Ho...]]

I'm stuck at 0.4 mg, kind of afraid of moving forward? I keep telling myself 'oh I'll start tapering again when I make my next batch.' I'm doing liquid taper, and a batch currently lasts me 6 days.

 

But then I make up my next batch and I make another excuse. This week's excuse is a 2 day long all day meeting at work. ugh.

 

How do I move forward?

[[ba...]]

You move forward by being calm before you cut. Not better, but not afraid to the point of inertia. Mental state and fears need to be validated.  Our fears are mostly projections into the future, not of the now. Your afraid the next cut will be  too much.

 

Also, you just cut your ambien. It would help to let your body adjust to that  cut before cutting the xanax. Just common sense.

 

Those meetings scare you, so wait until you complete them. Why add stress? In the interim, work on being in the now, and cultivating some faith and confidence that you can deal with the next cut. Every time a cloud of benzo crap thought comes up, tell yourself, it's just a thought, it is caused by my anxiety, and it is not a fact. Indeed, why listen to it? It's just a thought trying to run me.

 

Prepare for the next cut like you would prepare for a difficult work situation by practicing your coping skills. Your ANTICIPATORY fear is what is holding you back. Once you are confident you can deal with what the cut brings, take it. Nothing wrong with holding. You could decide after your meetings, and get the attitude, screw it, I'm moving on.

 

[[ba...]]

I feel awful today.

 

Sorry Baby Spice. It's not easy. nurture yourself when it gets bad and use your coping skills.

[[Ho...]]

You move forward by being calm before you cut. Not better, but not afraid to the point of inertia. Mental state and fears need to be validated.  Our fears are mostly projections into the future, not of the now. Your afraid the next cut will be  too much.

 

Also, you just cut your ambien. It would help to let your body adjust to that  cut before cutting the xanax. Just common sense.

 

Those meetings scare you, so wait until you complete them. Why add stress? In the interim, work on being in the now, and cultivating some faith and confidence that you can deal with the next cut. Every time a cloud of benzo crap thought comes up, tell yourself, it's just a thought, it is caused by my anxiety, and it is not a fact. Indeed, why listen to it? It's just a thought trying to run me.

 

Prepare for the next cut like you would prepare for a difficult work situation by practicing your coping skills. Your ANTICIPATORY fear is what is holding you back. Once you are confident you can deal with what the cut brings, take it. Nothing wrong with holding. You could decide after your meetings, and get the attitude, screw it, I'm moving on.

 

Thanks baddove! You make it sound so logical. 

[[De...]]

Six months and seventeen days since I took my last Xanax dose.

It’s been a tough road and I’m still not myself.

I’ve had all my symptoms medically tested and all have come back negative.

How long does this take to finally get better, who knows.

One day at a time.

Good luck to all.

Demelza

[[ba...]]

Congrats on finishing your taper. Your central nervous system is still healing, so be patient and accept it's part of the process. It can take a while, this is not unusual.

 

Whatever is going on, it is HEALING that your CNS needs to go through to recover. And, your no longer putting the xanax into your body which causes the injury to begin with. That will help your brain heal. Think of it like stopping arsenic. You took it, it poisoned you, you did all the incredibly hard work to taper off of it, now your brain can heal withut the ongoing influx of the arsenic damaging it further.

 

Here is the section on post taper recovery, you will find camaraderie and support, as well as infoformation in here:

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?board=146.0

[[to...]]

Hello everyone,

I am finally back!  A couple months ago my husband decided he wanted us to move to another state and we put our house on the market, I figured it would take a while to sell, well, it took 4 days and that is when all the craziness began.  Had to go to another state and find a home in a day and then go back home and pack and etc, etc.  Of course nothing went smoothly and it certainly put my taper on hold.  I was at 1.75 for 80 days and yesterday I started tapering again.  I wanted to before now but it just was not possible.

I actually did really well, considering.  I am now close to being at the end of setting up our new place at the shore and hope to get this Xanax out of my system soon.  I was hoping to be off by February but I am not pushing that now.  I will be done when I am done and I will do what I need to do for me in the process.

 

I really have missed everyone and hope you are all doing well.  You all have been in my thoughts and prayers.

Love,

Julia