Driving in the Left Lane- pianogirl's Story of Healing and Hope for all of You!

[[Wh...]]

Congratulations Pianogirl on four years benzo free!!!  We are so very lucky that you went thru benzo withdrawal and subsequently recovered because you have been and continue to be an awesome administrator here.  I sure hope you keep staying here as you are still very much needed.

 

   

[[Lo...]]

I'm assuming my withdrawal is nearing full recovery since I tend to enjoy the thrill of the stress of having to get in heavy merges? I was in a car accident last summer in which I was hit on the side so there's the anxiety of making each merge but the real thrill comes in heavy speed merges...memories are still a

**** but I never did have the greatest memory aside from built-in skills. My parents would always ask me if I remembered this as a child and unless it came post-fourth grade, I usually don't remember. What i'm looking forward to is not guided remembering but rather myself remembering. And as PG said to me in a pm, it'll come when we are ready How much longer for the DP...

[[Dr...]]

Thank you so much pianogirl for saying those words. I am so freaked out right now with this d/r insanity that I was beginning to think that not even this place was real.

I really need to read your post. I'm crying from gratefulness and fear at the same time.

 

You are a really good soul to have come back here and give us hope. 

 

 

[[pi...]]

Whoot whoot!!!

 

Four years is a major accomplishment. So glad you're doing well and enjoying life again, PG.

 

A well deserved victory!!!  :clap: :yippee:

 

Aw thanks Mind!!!!  :smitten:

 

It's reason to whoot whoot for sure!

[[pi...]]

Congratulations Pianogirl on four years benzo free!!!  We are so very lucky that you went thru benzo withdrawal and subsequently recovered because you have been and continue to be an awesome administrator here.  I sure hope you keep staying here as you are still very much needed.

 

   

 

Hi ya Whoopsie,

 

You are so kind, thanks!!!  You have done so much to help our members as well Whoopsie, and you don't even get a pay check. 

 

Uh, what paycheck.....  :smitten:

[[pi...]]

I'm assuming my withdrawal is nearing full recovery since I tend to enjoy the thrill of the stress of having to get in heavy merges? I was in a car accident last summer in which I was hit on the side so there's the anxiety of making each merge but the real thrill comes in heavy speed merges...memories are still a

**** but I never did have the greatest memory aside from built-in skills. My parents would always ask me if I remembered this as a child and unless it came post-fourth grade, I usually don't remember. What i'm looking forward to is not guided remembering but rather myself remembering. And as PG said to me in a pm, it'll come when we are ready How much longer for the DP...

 

Being a musician, I memorize very easily since I've had to practice this skill since I started playing piano at 6 years old.  Withdrawal made me feel like an old demented woman who sucked at piano, lost one of her wedding rings making cookies, ran into just about everything in the house, couldn't put two words together to make a sentence..... the list goes on and on. Just like these symptoms left me, so will the DP leave you.

 

PG 

[[pi...]]

Thank you so much pianogirl for saying those words. I am so freaked out right now with this d/r insanity that I was beginning to think that not even this place was real.

I really need to read your post. I'm crying from gratefulness and fear at the same time.

 

You are a really good soul to have come back here and give us hope. 

 

Oh Dreamovie, this place is indeed real and so are you. You are just lost behind a haze of withdrawal.  It won't last, the air will clear and you will see that you are a real living person.  Fear is so common, fear of not healing, fear of feeling ill forever. I had this too.  Keep yourself distracted and allow your system to recover, it will.

 

PG 

[[Lo...]]

Nice, I'm a young clarinet star and a very young piano star, but these memory problems are just annoying..DP also..and today, I felt as if I was able to concentrate and go in the zone again, but when I did, I would start seeing double..I guess that's a plus since my mental concentration is getting better but my eyes still need to adjust..maybe one day we can create music together ugh, typical musician curse in which you play around with stupid things haha

 

Did you have the feeling as if you couldn't control where you looked? Just as I can't make decisions [well, I can, it's just hard and does involve random selection] aside from logical decisions, I feel as if I can't control where I'm looking, unless it's a "check-look", an "anxious-scan", or a "wondurance-scan)

[[Mo...]]

So happy for you PG.

Its amazing how many things have happened during those 4 years.

getting your health back, being blessed with a grandchild....

brings a smile to my face, wish you well.

 

[[pi...]]

Nice, I'm a young clarinet star and a very young piano star, but these memory problems are just annoying..DP also..and today, I felt as if I was able to concentrate and go in the zone again, but when I did, I would start seeing double..I guess that's a plus since my mental concentration is getting better but my eyes still need to adjust..maybe one day we can create music together ugh, typical musician curse in which you play around with stupid things haha

 

Did you have the feeling as if you couldn't control where you looked? Just as I can't make decisions [well, I can, it's just hard and does involve random selection] aside from logical decisions, I feel as if I can't control where I'm looking, unless it's a "check-look", an "anxious-scan", or a "wondurance-scan)

 

I think it's hard to control just about anything while in the throes of withdrawal, from peeing to seeing.  The cns is so complex, like a fine piece of electronic equipment. If one wire is not connected, nothing works.  If everything is connected properly, it hums away contentedly. 

[[pi...]]

So happy for you PG.

Its amazing how many things have happened during those 4 years.

getting your health back, being blessed with a grandchild....

brings a smile to my face, wish you well.

 

Thanks Claudia, 

 

My granddaughter sure brings a smile to my face. Happily, I'll see her in person in just a couple of weeks since my son and she are coming out for a visit.  I'm counting down the days.  There were so many reasons to come off benzos, she is just one of them.  Keep smiling Claudia, good things will come your way as well.

 

PG 

[[bh...]]

Thank you PianoGirl,

Your story will keep me going, you have sent me encouragement on the side and I can't express how much every word means.

I'm getting better, but not a 100%.  When I'm like that, I feel I will never be complete or better.

Thank you again, it means a lot to know all the success stories are from real people who have gone thur this.

 

[[pi...]]

Thank you PianoGirl,

Your story will keep me going, you have sent me encouragement on the side and I can't express how much every word means.

I'm getting better, but not a 100%.  When I'm like that, I feel I will never be complete or better.

Thank you again, it means a lot to know all the success stories are from real people who have gone thur this.

 

Thank you so much!

 

I know the feeling, when the symptoms start to surge you wonder if healing is possible. That is a pretty normal reaction to a condition that is more than difficult to describe to anyone who hasn't experienced it.  The fact that you are getting better is a sign of recovery, it is a glimpse of your future. 

 

Keep reading the stories of all the real people who have healed, they are there, and you will join them.

 

PG 

[[Lo...]]

Thanks PG, my need to pee actually came back, however the other releasing has yet to be normalized..one annoyance is the fact that it's hard to get that shiver after each session..it takes so long to build up and shiver haha, also morning you know still hasn't come back, nor the numerous you knows during the day -_-

[[Lo...]]

Question PG, how long until the brain tingles go away? It always occurs when my mind is readjusting, such as getting better awareness or comprehension. Time again? (I'm taking multi-vitamins, fish oil, and wheat pills (7 = a serving and I'm taking about 20 every 6 or so hours haha)

[[pi...]]

Question PG, how long until the brain tingles go away? It always occurs when my mind is readjusting, such as getting better awareness or comprehension. Time again? (I'm taking multi-vitamins, fish oil, and wheat pills (7 = a serving and I'm taking about 20 every 6 or so hours haha)

 

I'm not sure if you are experience a muscular issue or something else. I had a lot of muscle pulling and tugging internally. You couldn't see it outwardly but I could swear my face and head were all distorted.  This lasted for me through the first 6 months pretty intensely and then started to ease up.

 

Tingles, well, I thought of them as my nerve endings reawakening after being deadened by benzos.  The entire cns is really coming to life again after the sedating effects of these drugs.  Give it time, you'll find this goes away.

 

BTW, are you a jazz clarinetist?

[[Lo...]]

Question PG, how long until the brain tingles go away? It always occurs when my mind is readjusting, such as getting better awareness or comprehension. Time again? (I'm taking multi-vitamins, fish oil, and wheat pills (7 = a serving and I'm taking about 20 every 6 or so hours haha)

 

I'm not sure if you are experience a muscular issue or something else. I had a lot of muscle pulling and tugging internally. You couldn't see it outwardly but I could swear my face and head were all distorted.  This lasted for me through the first 6 months pretty intensely and then started to ease up.

 

Tingles, well, I thought of them as my nerve endings reawakening after being deadened by benzos.  The entire cns is really coming to life again after the sedating effects of these drugs.  Give it time, you'll find this goes away.

 

BTW, are you a jazz clarinetist?

 

Orchestra and WE I wasn't that big on it, but I was that kid who was 1st/2nd while not practicing aside from daily playing in class + weekly lessons from top teachers haha.

[[va...]]

Dear PianoGirl :smitten:

 

is it something common for reinstated people to experience

being 6 months off:

 

if i look closer at my CURRENT baseline

its still with ups and downs...

my moods / thoughts are in constant wreck

one moment i feel this emotional numbness, another moment i am ruminating over my lost life

where my brain tries to convince me that /things will never be like before this hell/,

later on i feel huge anger with myself that i didn't notice betrayal of my husband,

then again I am being hit with flash backs from my past /random moments and experiences/ that

are very mentally painful to relive...

 

 

did you experience/went through the same mental state or not?

 

 

thank you  :smitten:

 

 

kindly

v

[[pi...]]

Dear PianoGirl :smitten:

 

is it something common for reinstated people to experience

being 6 months off:

 

if i look closer at my CURRENT baseline

its still with ups and downs...

my moods / thoughts are in constant wreck

one moment i feel this emotional numbness, another moment i am ruminating over my lost life

where my brain tries to convince me that /things will never be like before this hell/,

later on i feel huge anger with myself that i didn't notice betrayal of my husband,

then again I am being hit with flash backs from my past /random moments and experiences/ that

are very mentally painful to relive...

 

 

did you experience/went through the same mental state or not?

 

 

thank you  :smitten:

 

 

kindly

v

 

AT 6 months off I was still firmly in the throes of withdrawal. I had gotten past the guilt, anger and jealousy of lost time in my life but I still had many ups and downs. Sometimes more downs than ups.    It's common to feel you'll never be the same as before benzos and in a lot of ways you won't. It will be a new and improved version. Someone who is proactive about their health and who appreciates each day of wellness.

 

Some memories that you recall will hurt because you no longer have a drug to buffer real human emotions. It's ok to feel, we are human and this what we do. Memories are of things past, now is a good time to look forward to a better future.

 

Hang in there, recovery can take a while but you'll get there. Memories will always be there but with good coping tools you'll see they can't harm you or hurt you.

 

PG 

 

 

 

[[Po...]]

[move]Congratulations pianogirl!  [/move] 

[[Lo...]]

Hey PG, new and improved or just improved?? I don't want any new things unless it's minor...

[[Ja...]]

Thank you PG I needed that. At day 67 off of clonazepam and going through a wave after 4 good days. More intense this time though.

 

JB

[[pi...]]

Thank you PG I needed that. At day 67 off of clonazepam and going through a wave after 4 good days. More intense this time though.

 

JB

 

Hi JB,

 

You are still early days, symptoms can still be very strong at this point. I know mine were.  The fact you had 4 good days is proof of healing and more good days will be in your future.

 

PG 

[[Le...]]

Not sure if the thread is still ongoing but I had theexact same thing hapoen to me. Your story is a mirror. I also beleived Labrynthitis was the root of this evil for a time but alas. It was an early onset of anxiety. My symptoms have evolved and morphed throught these last 4 months and frankly it is scary.

 

No need to mention them as they are identical to what you went through. It is so strange to read how another human being went through this vortex and is now better. I am both jealous and proud.

 

Your story gives people hope. It calms them down in times of angst, thank you for giving me solace as I just had my window close and am pretty down about it.

 

God Bless you.

 

Leo

[[pi...]]

Not sure if the thread is still ongoing but I had theexact same thing hapoen to me. Your story is a mirror. I also beleived Labrynthitis was the root of this evil for a time but alas. It was an early onset of anxiety. My symptoms have evolved and morphed throught these last 4 months and frankly it is scary.

 

No need to mention them as they are identical to what you went through. It is so strange to read how another human being went through this vortex and is now better. I am both jealous and proud.

 

Your story gives people hope. It calms them down in times of angst, thank you for giving me solace as I just had my window close and am pretty down about it.

 

God Bless you.

 

Leo

 

Hello,

 

Yes, this thread is still ongoing for anyone who wishes to comment or ask me any questions about my benzo journey.

 

I'm sorry to hear that we had so much in common, I don't wish for anyone to go through what I did.

 

Don't be jealous, your time of healing will come and then you will provide inspiration and hope to others who are still on the path to recovery. I'm proud of you and of everyone who has stood up for their future health and wellbeing by removing these benzos from their lives. 

 

I'm happy if I could give you and others some hope. I know I received a lot from those who came before me.  Yes, it's hard to see the windows close, but you are still early off and the fact that you are having windows points to good healing going on. 

 

The road to recovery is ahead of you, it's there, keep believing in your healing.

 

Blessings to you as well.

 

PG