Driving in the Left Lane- pianogirl's Story of Healing and Hope for all of You!

[[Le...]]

Thank you.

 

I have been reading your posts and they are extremely helpful for the whole community.

 

What an amazing thing to help so many people!

 

Thank you again, for giving me hope.

[[...]]

Pianogirl-  I am at seven and a half months still struggling and walking lots of back pain you know all the way down to my butt and my feet but it's better than its been in the last 6 months my question is I'm in and out of bed sometimes 2 or 3 days at a time is this something you went through where you had to rest to heal I'm trying to exercise but unable to do much other than walk I walk when I can

[[pi...]]

Pianogirl-  I am at seven and a half months still struggling and walking lots of back pain you know all the way down to my butt and my feet but it's better than its been in the last 6 months my question is I'm in and out of bed sometimes 2 or 3 days at a time is this something you went through where you had to rest to heal I'm trying to exercise but unable to do much other than walk I walk when I can

 

Helo Ddd

 

Yes, at 7 months I was still really symptomatic and yes, there were days in bed due to the withdrawal effects.  I did have more times where I could be active but there were also times where I just needed to be really gentle with my body as it healed.

 

I'm glad you are seeing improvements over the past 6 months, that really points to some good healing going on.

 

Have you had your back checked for other causes to the pain?  I did have a lot of things checked during withdrawal, sometimes repetitively.  The good thing is that I could rule out an underlying cause, the bad thing was that I still was in withdrawal.

 

I don't see anything wrong with letting your body rest when you are getting clear messages that it needs it.  Walking is great exercise and even better, it gets you outside in the fresh air.  I would keep at it whenever you are able.

 

Physical symptoms were one of the biggest hurdles for me in terms of withdrawal. Many times I worried about ever feeling well and pain free ever again, that's natural for this indescribable process.  It is though, just temporary.  You'll see many more improvement in the next months.  Keep up what you are doing,  wellness is in your future.

 

PG 

[[...]]

Piano Girl,

 

I love reading your story and have read it several times now. I can relate to a lot of the painful suffering you went through with your neck and shoulder and lots of other symptoms. I suppose I’m getting to the point where I think this will never end as I’m approaching 18 months and just when I think things maybe improving, I get slammed again. The negative thinking that comes with this is so hard to cope with. I feel like my mind is so confused right now ie am I getting better or worse. I have managed to work through this too. Not easy and so many times I feel I can’t do this anymore. Today is difficult with DR making an appearance again so I am looking for healing stories and yours is one of my favourites.

 

I’m so thankful for people like yourself to give hope this suffering will end.

[[pi...]]

Piano Girl,

 

I love reading your story and have read it several times now. I can relate to a lot of the painful suffering you went through with your neck and shoulder and lots of other symptoms. I suppose I’m getting to the point where I think this will never end as I’m approaching 18 months and just when I think things maybe improving, I get slammed again. The negative thinking that comes with this is so hard to cope with. I feel like my mind is so confused right now ie am I getting better or worse. I have managed to work through this too. Not easy and so many times I feel I can’t do this anymore. Today is difficult with DR making an appearance again so I am looking for healing stories and yours is one of my favourites.

 

I’m so thankful for people like yourself to give hope this suffering will end.

 

Hello marj,

 

I know it's hard to wait for healing. Time is our friend and sometimes not so much, especially when we look at the calendar and keep count of the months of recovery.  There is no rhyme or reason to benzo withdrawal.  It will take as long as it takes for the cns to recover.  Good for you for working through this, as bad as I felt sometimes, once I started teaching some of the symptoms would fade into the background.

 

Anytime those negative thoughts arise, try to find a mantra to say to yourself. Mine was, "what I'm feeling is my healing".

 

I'm sorry today is difficult, so it's best to simply get through it and look forward to a better tomorrow. There will be much better tomorrows for you, your system wants to get to a place of balance and it will.

 

I'm glad my story and other ones provides you with hope, those who walked before me gave me hope as well and many nights I read success stories over and over. 

 

You'll write yours too, the suffering will end and you will enjoy every facet of life with a new and renewed vigor. 

 

PG 

[[...]]

Thank you PG for replying it really helps to get the reassurance from the ones who have crawled this journey before and come out the other side. the cruel thing about this is on the days when it ahs been a bit easier and you think you are making progress only to fall back into the pit again. Last night for the first time I went to bed crying, I felt so ill with pain and frustration, I was also convinced I was getting flu. Never thought I would make it to work but did, and today has not been as bad as yesterday, still rubbish lol. Oh to feel joy again.

 

It's wonderful how you support people going through this horror

[[bh...]]

PG,

Thank you so much for your post.  So glad to hear your back to teaching.  I'm 9 months out and still have detached feelings/DR, vision/fuzziness, fatigue and emotional bluntness.  I'm able to work, just so hard not know when this might end or will end.  That scares me the most the fear on not healing.

So glad your doing well.

[[pi...]]

PG,

Thank you so much for your post.  So glad to hear your back to teaching.  I'm 9 months out and still have detached feelings/DR, vision/fuzziness, fatigue and emotional bluntness.  I'm able to work, just so hard not know when this might end or will end.  That scares me the most the fear on not healing.

So glad your doing well.

 

Hi bhawk,

 

The fear is strong during withdrawal, after all, there are many unknowns.  We don't know what symptom we'll have from day to day. We don't know when a wave will occur or when we'll enjoy a nice window.  We don't know when it will end.  But one thing is certain, it will end.

 

I think the best thing I did was to stop looking at the calendar and accept that I needed to go through the process, finish the journey.  Trust your body, it knows how to heal and will work towards that goal.

 

Believe me, it will be well worth the wait.

 

PG 

[[bh...]]

PG,

I can't thank you enough for replying..  I miss everything and everyone sooooo much.  Do symptoms gradually disappear or one by one.  Your encouragement is a great comfort.  I think I will stay on this thread and follow it. 

[[pi...]]

PG,

I can't thank you enough for replying..  I miss everything and everyone sooooo much.  Do symptoms gradually disappear or one by one.  Your encouragement is a great comfort.  I think I will stay on this thread and follow it.

 

 

I know how you feel!    I missed my "real" life and was jealous of those who were enjoying the things that I used to enjoy. But,  I got my life back and so will you. Plus, you will appreciate everything even more having lived through such a challenging time.

 

For me, it was a gradual easing up of symptoms. Sure, I had days where I almost feel well but then it didn't last.  As time progressed the times of feeling good just got longer and longer.

 

PG 

[[bh...]]

Hi PG,

Had a rough morning, like Ground Hogs Day.  Did your Derealization very in intensity?  And do you feel the cog fog, DR and vision lack of focus kinda of all tie in together?? thanks again for your reply or anyone.

[[pi...]]

Hi PG,

Had a rough morning, like Ground Hogs Day.  Did your Derealization very in intensity?  And do you feel the cog fog, DR and vision lack of focus kinda of all tie in together?? thanks again for your reply or anyone.

 

I'm sorry that your morning was rough, morning were the worst for me. It's pretty common for this to happen during withdrawal. 

 

Everything, every symptom varied in intensity.  There is no rhyme or reason for this, it simply means that another part of the cns needs to heal and is working towards that.  When a wave hit, all the usual suspects showed up as far as withdrawal effects.  Try to be very easy on yourself during this time, let your body do the work it needs to do to recover. It will!!!!

 

PG 

[[bh...]]

PG,

Thank you again for taking the time to respond.  Its so very hard.  Family thinks I need an antidepressant.  They don't understand w/d

[[pi...]]

PG,

Thank you again for taking the time to respond.  Its so very hard.  Family thinks I need an antidepressant.  They don't understand w/d

 

Most people don't behawk, only those who have gone through this really "get" withdrawal. My husband was my rock through this entire challenging period of time but even he could not comprehend the vastness of withdrawal symptoms and the length of the process. 

 

There is more and more information about the overuse of AD's and the fact that other modalities such a CBT and meditation can be just as effective.  Withdrawal won't be cured by adding an AD to the mix, IMO.  In fact, the times that I was given an AD to "try", the side effects were so strong that I couldn't continue beyond a couple of days or at the most a couple of weeks.

 

Plus, I knew I wasn't depressed. I was sick. Sick on the drugs and sick for a good long time after I jumped off. I'm so glad I waited it out because I don't need any psych med, never did.  I think you'll see that life will be really good with only the usual ups and downs that are normal in everyday life in our society.  Give it time and believe in your healing.

 

PG 

[[bh...]]

PG,

I don't think the AD will help, may just complicate things.  Thank you again

[[bh...]]

PG,

Just reread your post, needed it today.

 

[[Ar...]]

Your story gives me hope.  The hope that I have almost lost.  Thank you for sharing.  I am working on forgiveness issues.  I can hardly sit still though to read.  I thought of myself "strong" also, but this withdrawal is really testing me. I have been 6 months benzo free. I wish you joy and peace in your new life. 

[[pi...]]

Your story gives me hope.  The hope that I have almost lost.  Thank you for sharing.  I am working on forgiveness issues.  I can hardly sit still though to read.  I thought of myself "strong" also, but this withdrawal is really testing me. I have been 6 months benzo free. I wish you joy and peace in your new life. 

 

Hang on to the hope and hold on, this process can challenge the strongest but you have the determination and the patience to see it through.  I see from your introduction that you did a very fast taper, if you want to call it that. It was almost a cold turkey. That's a pretty big hit to the central nervous system so I'm not surprised you are still feeling rough at 6 months. I sure wasn't well at 6 months.

 

It's going to be OK, take it one moment, one hour, one day at a time. Let your body have the time to find balance again. It will, it wants to and will work towards that goal.

 

Thank you for the good wishes, I pass them on to you as well.  Time will bring peace and joy to you and it will be well worth the wait.

 

PG  :smitten:

[[pi...]]

Hello to everyone,

 

Another years end approaches and a new year will begin. I wrote this Success Story a long time ago and on occasion I try to revisit it simply to reassure those still going through the process that recovery can happen.  It's easy to feel sad and melancholy when the cusp of the new year arrives and yet healing is still ongoing.  It's easy to doubt, to feel uncertain, to wonder whether and when the vestiges of withdrawal will depart.

 

I can only impart my experience and let everyone know that I am completely well, recovered, with no remaining symptoms.  I live my life fully and think of benzo withdrawal only as a part of my past, not of my present and certainly not my future.

 

For myself, believing in my healing was important.  Finding something positive about every day, even if I just managed to get out of bed before noon, was something I felt I needed to do to motivate myself to face another day of symptoms.

 

I didn't do anything special, I accepted the process, I tried to be patient ( not always succeeding) and I believed in my body's ability to reset and find balance again.

 

There is simply no magic solution to benzo withdrawal.  My darling granddaughter loves everything about Cinderella, we play the story a lot....  .  She wears her "glass" slippers and the rest of us play the part of the mean stepsisters or the prince or the duke.  Wouldn't it be wonderful if we had a fairy godmother who could wave a wand and make withdrawal disappear. That's not reality though, but we do have a immense amount of trust, trust in our bodies to recover from the significant changes these drugs make to it. 

 

Trust your body, trust yourself, believe.

 

Have a peaceful and calm New Year's and may 2016 bring good healing to everyone.

 

PG  :smitten:

[[be...]]

Thank you for the inspiration PG  :smitten:

[[Ca...]]

Thank you Piano Girl. Your success story is one I read often. Knowing you walked to wellness helps me believe I will heal too. Your update is inspirational!

 

With deep gratitude,

 

Carita

[[Wo...]]

That's a wonderful thing to come back and reassure those of us that are still suffering, even when you don't need to. It's much appreciated. Thank you.

[[Dr...]]

Dear PG...

 

I want so much to believe your words. But I am in a very bad place even after all of this time. How long can this insanity last. I still wonder if there are others here who are having this derealization horror so badly as I am. I feel so alone. Always in terror and afraid. And crying. This has been going on for almost three years and the windows are so far and few. I had one day of window in December. The rest of the month was just pure insanity. How can that be after so long.

 

I really appreciate you coming here and telling us that it will end but I just am not seeing any change. I think the clonazepam has done permanent damage to my brain. Is anybody here in this same kind of mental horror? I'm sorry to come in here and ask that but I just can't find anybody who wants to admit that they are deep in this dark, frightening derealization thing.

 

Even at all that I wish you all a good year. A year in which whatever you are suffering will end.

 

Peace to you all.

 

Dreamhorror

[[pi...]]

OK.....Ta Da......    5 years!!

 

I actually almost forgot it was my anniversary today. Last night we went to see Cirque de Soleil (Toruk). It was pretty amazing, a complete visual and aural odyssey.  While enjoying the show I thought about how impossible it would have been for me to attend anything like this whilst in withdrawal or recovery. Too much stimulation, too loud, too many people.... the list goes on and on.

 

The fact I can do this and anything else that I wish to do points to complete and total healing.  That is my message for today. It doesn't necessarily happen quickly, time sometimes moves like the last bit of molasses stuck in a jar, but time is your friend and will get you to a place of wellness. 

 

I'm 65 and in good health with a bum shoulder. I'm now recovering from yet another (3rd) shoulder surgery to correct mistakes from the first shoulder surgery.    Life will bring ups and downs, road blocks, immense happiness, sometimes sadness and grief, but it is possible to live life without the haze of drugs.  How to cope: what I do is get up, greet the day and find something good about every day. 

 

Hang on to hope everyone, believe in your healing and know that the door will be open wide for your to walk through recovered and healthy.

 

I'm  here much less these days, I'm really busy with life but I feel if I check my email each day to keep up with friends then I have the time to log on to BB and offer some help. After all, I still believe this forum was my lifesaver, oh yes, and also my husband who was my rock through all this.

 

Take care all you wonderful strong warriors.

 

PG 

[[ma...]]

 

Congratulations Pianogirl   5 years!!  what an achievement!!  Now if we can Just get that shoulder fixed it will be perfect

 

Thank you for everything that you have done, and still continue to do here when you can.  Thank you for all the help and support you continue to give others, I feel privileged to have virtually known you.

 

You are truly a special person with a huge heart of gold, love ya girl!

 

 

Mags  http://i1193.photobucket.com/albums/aa351/margarita1959/raining-hearts.gif