How many people HAVE to work while tapering

[[Sa...]]

Hi team, I'm poking my head out of the bunker I have been in for two weeks. Looking for advice from anyone who has dealt with ssri withdrawal  I know there are other sites out there about this, but I don't trust them- I trust you guys. I did a pretty careful lexapro taper and was fine for six weeks then suddenly insomnia, panic attacks, dizziness and no appetite. I've had a really hard time thinking anything coherent (I work from home but I still have to think!) and just picking up the kids from camp has been excruciating. I was already one week into tgis experience before starting the valium taper with a teeny 4% cut- wanted to follow drew's idea of two fingers to fate! Anyone else have this lexapro or other ssri withdrawal bounce back? I'm riding it out no matter what because I have learned my lesson that meds don't help me but seriously- this is hard to cope with. Any hope?

So that's where you've been hiding! Glad you came out from hiding...sorry for the reason. We've talked about this before, I think it's a combo package now. Not sure when you did the cut..I'm going to PM you but I. Think it's a little of both. You've been through SO much the last year...hugs 

[[Sa...]]

Hi all....

 

Last night was a tough one. My symptoms kept ramping up to where it was like my acute stint about a month ago. My sleep has been terrible post jump and it sucks cause I never had bad sleep problems I during my taper.  It as the perfect storm to get me into that state. 3-4 hours of sleep, very little to eat in 15 hours( the meal I bought in the airport to bring on the plane was expired) , and traveling.  It was a constant of cement head, crazy brain, fear, racing heart, and burning sensations.  No matter how many times I kept saying it was just my symptoms of healing it scared me. I took a small dose of beta blocker which really didn't do much. 

With my sleep patterns all screwed up with the time difference I decided to just stay in bed all day today. Reading and napping.  I can tell I've had a reduction in symptoms as I'm just going in and out of waves every few hours like I was before. I just feel out of whack but not in that crazy acute shit. I never want to go back there.  I'm hoping that's the worst of it and if it is that would be progress.

I also caught and stopped myself from what iffing.  When I was miserable last night every scenario popped in my head. What if I can't work Monday, pack my house, etc... I change hour to hour so why predict how I will feel later in the day.  Ok...my ramblings are done.

 

I'm sorry Drew...I'm glad you're taking care of yourself. Pat yourself on the back for taking a vacation. You did it, you're still a little fragile. I think just the additional stress on your body could cause the uptick. Even good stress is still stress,right? Just take it easy.

[[...]]

Sorry Drew, I hope you feel better soon! I find that doing to much creates to much stress, which would send me into a wave!

 

I've kept things pretty simple and boring...although many days I am SO tired of being bored!!

 

Hi all!

 

[[pe...]]

JKS- I'm going to agree with Saga on the mixed bag. It's probably both residual Lexapro effects and the cut you made. More time passing is probably all you need to feel a bit better. Are you waiting to cut again?

I had a horrible time getting off after my ten day trial of Lexapro. It settled some after a few days but continued for weeks. After a month, I was prescrived benzos to try to settle the Lexapro fallout. It can be a nasty one. But time for your body to heal is the best option.

 

Time. Blah. Blah. Time. Blah. Time. (Repeat until feeling better). 

[[Ju...]]

Thanks guys. At this point it doesn't really matter what is what. Just have to usethosesurvival skills and appreciate any good moments.

[[or...]]

I was already one week into tgis experience before starting the valium taper with a teeny 4% cut

 

JKS can you wait on the valium taper until you get the Lexapro stuff sorted out? It seems kinda cruel to your bod to be putting it through both things at once?

 

Just wonderin' . . .

 

Okatz

[[Ju...]]

Thanks for your concern okatz. It's just that I am six weeks off lexapro already and felt fine the first four weeks. These symptoms started before cutting the valium at all. I want to start the baby steps.

[[et...]]

JKS probably hold the V taper until things settle down so you know what's laying the hurtin' on you.

etown

[[...]]

Hi all....

 

Last night was a tough one. My symptoms kept ramping up to where it was like my acute stint about a month ago. My sleep has been terrible post jump and it sucks cause I never had bad sleep problems I during my taper.  It as the perfect storm to get me into that state. 3-4 hours of sleep, very little to eat in 15 hours( the meal I bought in the airport to bring on the plane was expired) , and traveling.  It was a constant of cement head, crazy brain, fear, racing heart, and burning sensations.  No matter how many times I kept saying it was just my symptoms of healing it scared me. I took a small dose of beta blocker which really didn't do much. 

With my sleep patterns all screwed up with the time difference I decided to just stay in bed all day today. Reading and napping.  I can tell I've had a reduction in symptoms as I'm just going in and out of waves every few hours like I was before. I just feel out of whack but not in that crazy acute shit. I never want to go back there.  I'm hoping that's the worst of it and if it is that would be progress.

I also caught and stopped myself from what iffing.  When I was miserable last night every scenario popped in my head. What if I can't work Monday, pack my house, etc... I change hour to hour so why predict how I will feel later in the day.  Ok...my ramblings are done.

 

Oh Drew I am so sorry you are having a hard time.  I sure hope that you sleep better tonight and that tomorrow is a better day for you 

[[or...]]

Hey drew, I'm so sorry things have gone south for you. The time change isn't helping. Tomorrow may be better. Hope so!!

 

Okatz

[[...]]

I was already one week into tgis experience before starting the valium taper with a teeny 4% cut

 

JKS can you wait on the valium taper until you get the Lexapro stuff sorted out? It seems kinda cruel to your bod to be putting it through both things at once?

 

Just wonderin' . . .

 

Okatz

 

JKS I do not know anything about SSRIs but Okatz suggestion sounds like good advice.  I hope this passes quickly for you 

[[dr...]]

Oy!  I just went to read some success stories and this girl 5 years out posted but still has issues. Then a bunch of others posted their horror stories. I was trying to avoid these land mines. 

[[Di...]]

Update #2

 

So the good news is that I slept great last night and I didn’t need to take anything to help. All I did was have a banana and some warm milk at around 7.30pm. I started to feel sleepy around 9.30pm and was just about to go to bed, but my cat Oscar decided he was going to have a coughing fit. The poor thing has a bit of a cold at the moment, so he’s been a bit out of sorts.

 

That woke me up totally, so I thought that would be it for me, but after watching a bit more TV I went to bed just before 10.30pm and I must have gone to sleep straight away. I slept right through until 4.30am. I was pretty happy that I’d had 6 straight hours, and thought I probably wouldn’t go back to sleep, but I did and didn’t wake again until 7.30am. That’s 9 hours!! Hooley Dooley!!

 

I’m not silly enough to think that this is it, and that everything will be totally perfect from now on, but it has given me hope that I really don’t need to take anything to help me sleep, and that my sleep issues over the last week or so could well have just been the last of the valium w/d.

 

Melatonin is okay to take, but I don’t want to rely on it, and the supplements really aren’t the best way of getting it because of what’s in them, and the amount of melatonin that’s in them. Most supplements are far too large a dose. Getting it naturally is far better. Insomnia has been my nemesis for the last 4 years because of menopause, so I really have a complete aversion to taking any kind of “aid” to help me sleep. I’ve had to take doxylamine and ADs on and off over this whole time to help me sleep and I really just want to get to point where I don’t need to rely on anything. I want to sleep like a normal person.

 

Tonight will be interesting though because I am going out for a Thai dinner, so whether or not I sleep okay remains to be seen. To be continued…..

 

Day 1 (Friday) – 0.005mg (no melatonin – couldn’t sleep)

Day 2 (Saturday) – 0.003mg (1mg melatonin – slept well)

Day 3 (Sunday) – 0.001mg (no melatonin – couldn’t sleep)

Day 4 (Monday) – double dip and lick (no melatonin – couldn’t sleep – slight headache)

Day 5 (Tuesday) – double dip and lick (no melatonin – couldn’t sleep – slight headache)

Day 6 (Wednesday) – double dip and lick (no melatonin – couldn’t sleep – no headache)

Day 7 (Thursday) – single dip and lick (1mg melatonin – slept well – no headache)

Day 8 (Friday) – single dip and lick (no melatonin – slept great – 9 hours)

 

[[Di...]]

Oy!  I just went to read some success stories and this girl 5 years out posted but still has issues. Then a bunch of others posted their horror stories. I was trying to avoid these land mines. 

 

I haven't read any of the success stories so far, because I honestly wasn't interested. I just want my own success story.

 

I have to say though, why are people posting "success" stories if they are still suffering? That doesn't seem like a very positive or supportive thing to do, when all they are doing is scaring other people. People should be able to go to that section and be inspired and uplifted - not have the pants scared off them. Shouldn't this section be moderated a bit better?

 

I'm sorry you haven't been doing well Drew, but I'm sure better days are just around the corner. We were at roughly the same dose when you jumped, and I'm done and feeling pretty good. So I'm sure things will be good for you soon.

[[pe...]]

Drew- I just had the same experience over in Success Stories. Same one got me and I couldn't look away. Please, don't let this take 5 more years. OyVey. I've got to go reroute my looping thoughts with something silly on television.

 

 

[[Sm...]]

 

Shared from another Buddie who just jumped.

Take what you want and leave the rest

etown

 

Hey folks. I wanted to celebrate being off of benzos but also wanted to offer some thoughts and advice for people still tapering and suffering.  Not sure exactly which forum to put it in so I'm just doing it here in the celebrations.

 

Exactly one year ago today, I started my actual taper.  Prior to that I'd gone up and down in dosage on Ativan and had really set myself up for a rough ride (kindling and all that).  June 24th, 2013, I started my Valium taper from 15 mg.  I went too fast and ended up in the hospital a few times, and had to take a disability leave from work to focus on the process.  I couldn't leave my couch for days at a time and didn't leave my apartment for so long (over a month) that my car battery died from not being run/charged.  To say we suffer from benzos is putting it very lightly, of course, but here we are.  Prior to being on a benzo, I didn't have anxiety and certainly hadn't ever suffered from a panic attack, but during withdrawals, my heart would race constantly to the point I thought I was going to have a heart attack, brutal anxiety ruled my every waking moment, panic attacks became a common thing, as well as tremors, my ears ringing, cog-fog so bad I couldn't remember my number, address, my age at one point, and  depersonalization/derealization were also commonplace, etc.

 

Last week I took my last dose.  I'd been drawing my reductions out but have honestly felt pretty good for a couple of months now.  I'm not 100% but I'm close enough that it's fine and bearable, and I know it's just a matter of time, now.  Taking my last pill was a formality as my dosage was so low (0.5 mg) that I didn't think it was doing much anyway.

 

 

I promised myself that if I made it I'd  take some time to write down some of the things that really turned this around for me, as I was very stagnant in my progress for a long time and felt like I wasn't going to get any better.  Certain things did really help, though  They helped me immeasurably and they may help you, too.  As always, none of this is medical advice - talk to your doctor whenever you need to.  That's what they're there for.

 

 

Some tips and advice based on my journey:

 

1) Understand the difference between an addiction and dependence.  To me, addictions are behavioral - we feel a certain way so we do a certain thing.  Dependence, of course, is our body's reliance upon something to function normally.  All of us become dependent on benzos (very quickly).  The addiction is the thought process of, "I feel <X>, so I should do/take <Y>."  I think if you're here seeking help, you've probably already broken a conscious addiction to the medication and are simply still dependent.  Always keep that in mind - it's an important first step that we often ignore.

 

2) Don't replace the benzo addiction with another one.  When I first started tapering, I felt so horrible that I was willing to do or try anything to feel better.  I smoked marijuana for the first time in my life, I took a suite of vitamins and herbs, iced my head constantly, etc. - nothing was too crazy if I thought it might help.  But the reality is, none of it did.  I don't think anything but time can actually heal this, and it's important not to replace one addiction for another.  If your reflex is still, "I feel like crap from benzo withdrawals, so I should take <Y>," even if Y is a vitamin or supplement, you're still in the wrong mindset.  You still think consumption of things is what you need when the reality is, you probably don't.

 

Of course, go to your doctor and get a physical to make sure you're actually good to go, but if they say you're healthy as they did with me, then relax.  Don't pound supplements and all that other junk - at best, you're probably doing nothing for yourself and at worse, you're putting strain on your kidneys and such.  As soon as I cut all of that out, I noticed I felt better and just stuck with waiting and trying to relax.  I'll go into this more later, but the more we constantly think about and try to fix this situation, the harder it is to just let time flow.

 

3) Take a vacation from WebMD or other similar information (even this site, after you've read it all).  I say that because after you've read Ashton's manual and after you've read the posts here and after you've read everything there is about benzos or side effects or symptoms, it should become clear that the withdrawals are simply terrible, but that you're fine.  Stop stressing yourself out by re-reading everything you already know.  Being addicted to benzos is, with any luck, the worst thing any of us will go through.  Time is the only thing that can truly fix it, so give your mind and your emotions a rest and don't keep reading this stuff after you've gotten a grasp of your situation

 

4) Do some light exercise.  I know people will say this and I know as well as anyone that the last thing you want to do while withdrawing is exercise, but let me be clear: light exercise means as little as just going for a walk.  That's what I did.  And at first, I could only walk for 5 minutes before I'd get too dizzy, and that dizziness would launch me into a panic attack that I was going to pass out or fall down and hurt myself, so I'd have to retreat to my apartment.  But 5 minutes became 10 minutes, 10 became 15 and so on until I could do multiple 30-45 minute walks per day without any problem.

 

And more than anything else I did, going for walks made me feel a significant improvement.  At first it was just mental, that I could finally leave my apartment and not feel so physically disabled, but in a short amount of time the physical rewards of exercising also became apparent.  I just flat-out felt better, and better.  Now I do cardio and lift weights and will keep pushing until I feel 100% normal again.  It's not far off, now.

 

5) GO. SLOW.  The actual goal we have to focus on is feeling normal, not getting off of benzos.  Yes, getting off of benzos needs to happen but the real goal is to get our lives back and feel healthy again.  Getting off of benzos is a part of that, but you can also feel healthy and normal while still taking them as your dosage gets low.  That's where I ended up and after going too fast and really bottoming-out a few times, I took my doctor's advice and just slowed down.  It was still really rough but it was bearable and, eventually, I got to where I am.  Go slow, focus on just being patient and relaxing.  Again, time is all that can fix this as our body re-balances its chemistry.

 

6) Forgive yourself.  If you're anything like me, you feel so weak and so ashamed.  I'd never even smoked marijuana before this, so to be hooked on a powerful drug made me feel like a junkie.  But, you're not.  You're here, you're doing what you need to do - you're dependent, not addicted.  Again, keep that in mind and forgive yourself.  I've come out the other side honestly grateful to have suffered and been reborn.  When I couldn't do anything, I realized how little I'd been doing with myself.  I wasn't living, and now, still at a young age, I feel like I have the perspective that's often only afforded to the elderly who look back on their lives and wish they'd done more.  I have that now and imagine most of you will, too.

 

7) Lastly, stop thinking about tapering.  Stop thinking about the drug entirely. As I've said a few times, time is all that can really heal this so stop worrying about how much you are taking, how fast you are or aren't going.  Just make cuts, focus on feeling normal, and when you feel alright, do another cut.  Slow and steady.  The sooner you stop worrying about the specifics of how much you take or how fast you're going, the sooner it'll just happen.  Focus on living your life.  Go for walks, go see people, go see a movie - anything you can tolerate, just do it.  Try to keep your focus on external stimuli like the cars going by, the wind in the trees, etc.  The more you focus externally and the more you ignore the fact that you're on this journey, the easier it is to stop thinking about your symptoms and just let time flow.

 

 

Hopefully something in here will help someone.  I've been able to divert a few friends when they've been given this medication by giving them my story and plan to help anyone, anywhere, anytime for the rest of my life avoid this nightmare.

 

I wish all of you the best as you work your way down to 0 and would be happy to talk here or in PM or even by email or text to anyone that wants to talk.  I wouldn't wish this upon anybody so just know that I'm here for anyone who needs it.  I look forward to linking back to this post in 2 months when I post in the success story forum

 

 

[[Sm...]]

Thanks GMIT! Things will get better...I pray I get better soon. I miss my outlets like dance, running, performing and what not. Can't do that with head issues and poor balance. Still have some work to do on my health too beside benzo W/D. But this job is not helping with the healing process. They will turn on you in a minute!  :'(

 

I understand this COMPLETELY LM. I can't dance either. Balance, not being able to tell my body what to do properly, tachycardia from exercise has meant I've had to give it up for now.

Exercise is still a missing piece for me. I just feel worse when I do it. Not just straight after but also a day after - kind of like I've revved myself up. Sedentary seems the best for me right now. At some point that will flip and exercise will help me immensely as it has in the past. In the mean time I miss it. I miss feeling fit, and stretched and strong.

 

Anyway, I hope the wave receded a bit, and/or you got home ok. Are you taking a few days off work now?

 

[[Sm...]]

Thanks for your concern okatz. It's just that I am six weeks off lexapro already and felt fine the first four weeks. These symptoms started before cutting the valium at all. I want to start the baby steps.

 

Yea it is hard. Because you have been on that dose of valium for many months too. And you went on it from a very not stable benzo place. So tolerance is something you don't want to tempt either.

Having said that the 4% cut can definitely send you reeling in all the ways you are describing.

 

I'm hoping a hold will help settle things for you. Then, if it were me, I'd start tapering as soon as I felt better again. Tolerance w/d is just a pig of a thing once you are in it. It is a tough one though. Only you can know really. Even still, if I were to start tapering again when I felt better I wouldn't be making 4% cuts. If it were me with my brain in such a delicate place I'd be making 2% cuts or daily tapering.

 

Only you can know JKS. I sure hope you'll catch a bit of a break soon though. 

[[Sm...]]

Dudes! Sorry you had to find complete not-success-stories on success stories. I'd report it and get it moved. We need to be able to manage what we are seeing.

[[dr...]]

I don't think it can be reported because she considers herself a success story. More power to her. It's also all the protracted who followed on with their comments.

[[Di...]]

I think it still should be reported, as Smiff suggested. The success story section should be THE one safe haven for anyone experiencing difficulties.They have to be able to go there knowing that they aren't going to see anything bad, and that they are given hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel. There is, understandably, so much negativity and pain on BB, that we need to keep that section totally free from all that. I must go and have a look for the thread in question.

[[Di...]]

Hmmm - if it's the same "success" story that I just read it seems it's already been brought to the mods' attention and a flat nothing will be done. So be it then. Makes you wonder sometimes......

[[dr...]]

I don't think it can be reported because she considers herself a success story. More power to her. It's also all the protracted who followed on with their comments.

 

I'm so shell shocked and Smiff just made me cry from laughing alone like a crazy person. I mention  "the protracted" like they are a group we must avoid or shun for our own self preservation. They are the "others"    full credit to Smiff.

 

 

DP-interesting. That's fright night to me.

[[et...]]

Sorry to be a Debbie downer but if you "look" for crap on BB's you will find it. GET THE HELL OFF THESE STUPID THREADS AND GET ON WITH IT! Sheesh!

Sorry to lose it buddies.

etown

[[dr...]]

Etown-I respectfully disagree. I make it a point to avoid anything negative and the success story area shouldn't contain that shit I came upon. I NEED to read of people who succeeded before me.