How many people HAVE to work while tapering

[[Sm...]]

LovingMemory, you are a Dr?

 

For those with the head issues, which seem to get worse post jump: I haven't jumped but I have had the delicious combination of a concussion and benzo w/d. Weird head feelings were my life for a few months there. There were times I wondered whether they'd go away. Their symptom pattern was the same as benzo w/d - sometimes I'd feel fine, then I wouldn't and all the ways imbetween. I'm starting to think though that is just a pattern of all healing. Concussion healing wasn't linear. Flu healing wasn't linear. Muscle sprain healing wasn't linear. Perhaps the only reason why it is weird amongst w/d is because it does have this 'healing' pattern, as opposed to just w/d from a drug.

 

Mmmm I'm rambling

 

Rambling! A good sign!  No really it is. It means I'm feeling more relaxed and there is at least some thinking.

And I think I am possibly doing ok now I'm on the other side of flu plus period. So I can now clock 4mg for Smiff.

 

love y'all

 

Smiffy, you're at 4  possibly ok- feeling more relaxed and rambling....Smiffy

 

Exactly!

 

And congratulations on 1 month FREEEE dear one

 

Liz may the sleep continue to improve and your other s/x stay gone.

Good luck this week to you and DP on the vapor caper. We are definitely idling in to stop now.

 

:smitten:

[[Ca...]]

Eliz.. Enjoyed your last post. Thanks for calling on all of us and our current states. It feels good to be a part of this club tho I wish we were planning some phenomenal trek rather than surviving benzo withdrawal. Glad the Vapor Caper is going well so far. Any rituals planned with the last remnants of your prescription? Best to you and your VC pal, DP.

 

Saga, I am inspired, sad, mad, motivated and more dedicated because of your benzo experience. Your strength amazes me. I am sorry the move triggered pain...it sounds terrible. You are well versed in the pain cycle so you KNOW you did what you needed to do to get it under control. We have to take care of ourselves through this storm Saga. I am proud of you for doing so. White knuckling it through pain is not the solution. You are one month free! Yay you!  Thinking of you.

 

Drew...I know you are hurting today but I'm calling your run a victory run. You finished the taper...you had guts enough to board a plane and fly to the islands. That is a victory! Inspiring!

 

Okatz...so glad you surfaced and are feeling better. Yikes....those waves can leave one shaking and exhausted. You were kind to acknowledge my place in line as next to jump...

lets share the crown. We seem to be on opposite shifts on the OBWS (Okatz Benzodiazepine Withdrawal Scale). Lets pass it back and forth...I get it when I need inspiration and will pass it to you when you need some. I'm needing it now as I am "crappiest climbing to crappier". Icky.

 

Kiddo...thinking of you as I know you've been down in the goo....sending love.

 

Smiff, being sick for so long with viruses and benzo withdrawal can drag you to the lowest of lows. Besides the unpredictability of withdrawal I find the length of time this requires to be utterly exhausting. Be easy on yourself. Congratulations on reaching 4 mg!!

 

Welcome Loving....this is a safe and knowledgeable place. I have deep respect for anyone parenting through this experience. My children are grown and I struggle caring for my dear dog! Wishing you well.

 

I mustered the strength to make an appearance at the block party....too much stimulation? Have been flat since. Think I see a peek out today as I felt the need to write and connect. Thanks for being here...I need you all.

 

Thinking of all of you here..., Bunny, Iggy, G, JJ, Etown and those my tired being can not recall. We are doing this!

 

Love,

Carita

 

 

[[or...]]

Carita about this:

 

Okatz...so glad you surfaced and are feeling better. Yikes....those waves can leave one shaking and exhausted. You were kind to acknowledge my place in line as next to jump...

lets share the crown. We seem to be on opposite shifts on the OBWS (Okatz Benzodiazepine Withdrawal Scale). Lets pass it back and forth...I get it when I need inspiration and will pass it to you when you need some. I'm needing it now as I am "crappiest climbing to crappier". Icky.

 

I'm whisking the crown your way as we type. Er, read. Get ready to catch it. Heeeeere it goes.

 

The OBWS . . . love it!  Keep climbing gf!

 

Okatz

[[et...]]

Other than the burning head and face I'm just great. I've dried the cold cloth numerous times. Freaking Benzoland! Have a great attitude though and preparing to cut again. I will be in the 6's soon!

Still working on what I have entitled "The Psychology of Benzo Withdrawal......and all the CRAP we sell Ourselves".

Stay tuned it is taking a lot of time

etown

[[...]]

Sorry, but I gotta return to cats  How the heck do u get ur indoor/outdoor cats to become exclusively indoor cats? Ive tried to change them and they arent having it. They will stand at the door and meow until the cows come home, and also stand on my patio door and run their claws up and down the glass  Ive worried about them getting attacked by raccoons. Also, on the subject of cats, I read an excellent book, Bob, the Street Cat and I just found his newest one The World According to Bob. I get so much comfort of reading about his simple life, living in a flat in London, him and his cat  I read it at night, b4 bed, and it just makes everything warm and fuzzy 

 

I'm afraid I don't have the answer to that because when I had my cat enclosure built it was just before I got them as kittens, so they don't know any different. Mind you, if given half a chance they would escape into the exciting world beyond - and they have a couple of times, but they've been caught in the act each time fortunately.

 

I never bothered about keeping my old cats indoors, because they weren't wanderers anyway. One hardly ever went outside, and then would only go into the backyard, and the other one spent a lot of time in the backyard, but rarely ventured further. When I got both of them as kittens (something like 20-25 years ago) it wasn't as common to have cats indoors.

 

A cat will always want what it doesn't have, even if it really doesn’t want it..lol... They can also be very stubborn and persistent too, so you certainly have your work cut out for you. Probably the only thing I can suggest it to invest in some kind of outdoor enclosed area where they can still have outdoor time, but can’t escape. Do you have an outdoor deck/patio area that can be enclosed?

 

Cat lovers who want to consider a safe outside environment for their indoor prisoners, google Cat Fence.  It is a way of adding a secure top to an existing fence or a type of fence if you do not already have one.  The houses in my area have rock walled back yards.  I extended the height of this fence with the cat fence addition and now the cats are trapped in the back yard and cannot get out.  It really works!

[[Sa...]]

Eliz.. Enjoyed your last post. Thanks for calling on all of us and our current states. It feels good to be a part of this club tho I wish we were planning some phenomenal trek rather than surviving benzo withdrawal. Glad the Vapor Caper is going well so far. Any rituals planned with the last remnants of your prescription? Best to you and your VC pal, DP.

 

Saga, I am inspired, sad, mad, motivated and more dedicated because of your benzo experience. Your strength amazes me. I am sorry the move triggered pain...it sounds terrible. You are well versed in the pain cycle so you KNOW you did what you needed to do to get it under control. We have to take care of ourselves through this storm Saga. I am proud of you for doing so. White knuckling it through pain is not the solution. You are one month free! Yay you!  Thinking of you.

 

Drew...I know you are hurting today but I'm calling your run a victory run. You finished the taper...you had guts enough to board a plane and fly to the islands. That is a victory! Inspiring!

 

Okatz...so glad you surfaced and are feeling better. Yikes....those waves can leave one shaking and exhausted. You were kind to acknowledge my place in line as next to jump...

lets share the crown. We seem to be on opposite shifts on the OBWS (Okatz Benzodiazepine Withdrawal Scale). Lets pass it back and forth...I get it when I need inspiration and will pass it to you when you need some. I'm needing it now as I am "crappiest climbing to crappier". Icky.

 

Kiddo...thinking of you as I know you've been down in the goo....sending love.

 

Smiff, being sick for so long with viruses and benzo withdrawal can drag you to the lowest of lows. Besides the unpredictability of withdrawal I find the length of time this requires to be utterly exhausting. Be easy on yourself. Congratulations on reaching 4 mg!!

 

Welcome Loving....this is a safe and knowledgeable place. I have deep respect for anyone parenting through this experience. My children are grown and I struggle caring for my dear dog! Wishing you well.

 

I mustered the strength to make an appearance at the block party....too much stimulation? Have been flat since. Think I see a peek out today as I felt the need to write and connect. Thanks for being here...I need you all.

 

Thinking of all of you here..., Bunny, Iggy, G, JJ, Etown and those my tired being can not recall. We are doing this!

 

Love,

Carita

 

 

 

Ah Carita, grab that crown for inspiration and WEAR it! I hate hearing you're working on climbing out of the  crappiest....you've inspired me all along never forget what you've already accomplished!

Thanks for the wishes and  telling me I did the right thing. I was truly torn, and I hate giving in to pain.It was just too much...we need Smiff to find a flashy gown for you two to wear...and a scepter...hope it brings you courage and immediate inspiration

 

 

[[Sa...]]

Other than the burning head and face I'm just great. I've dried the cold cloth numerous times. Freaking Benzoland! Have a great attitude though and preparing to cut again. I will be in the 6's soon!

Still working on what I have entitled "The Psychology of Benzo Withdrawal......and all the CRAP we sell Ourselves".

Stay tuned it is taking a lot of time

etown

Good Etown! I'm glad to hear it, attitude is vital, and you'll be there soon! I can't wait to read what you've written!

[[Lo...]]

Thanks for the welcome Carita :-) it is very hard and depressing. Keeping my faith that I will be totally healed.

 

Hi Smiff, I hope all is well. When I say medical team...I mean my team of doctors that have helped me out. I'm no doctor lol. I have a few folks on my medical team because I have Lyme Disease. In recovery from it...but I have a few docs that really care about me. 

[[Ca...]]

"never forget what you've already accomplished". Saga

 

Saga dear friend...this is so important for all of us. Thank you for the reminder.  Every day...every minute is an accomplishment. I forget where I've been when I have had a string of crappiest days.

 

I have always been a planner...a BIG planner, often preventing me from appreciating the current moment. I believe our culture rewards that practice. Anyway.... Long ago before benzos I took an Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) course. It has helped me in withdrawal more than anything. I still get on the "get it done" train more than I like but strive to be in the moment with what I have been given. Some days I fail miserably. Hopefully this is the longest lesson in acceptance and patience we will ever encounter.

 

Sending love to you and all,

Carita

 

 

Okatz...got the crown...it is helping me crawl out of the weeds. Thanks. Yell if you need it. 

[[or...]]

I'll yell Carita. So far so good.

 

Mindfulness based stress reduction sounds like what I need as I, too, and a planner. And a worrier. I have had only so-so success with mindfulness meditation. My mind wants to go anywhere but the present moment. I think the present moment (here in benzoland) sucks. So all the guided meditations I've tried are only partly successful with me. But I keep trying.

 

Be well. Keep struggling out of those weeds.

 

Okatz

[[Sa...]]

"never forget what you've already accomplished". Saga

 

Saga dear friend...this is so important for all of us. Thank you for the reminder.  Every day...every minute is an accomplishment. I forget where I've been when I have had a string of crappiest days.

 

I have always been a planner...a BIG planner, often preventing me from appreciating the current moment. I believe our culture rewards that practice. Anyway.... Long ago before benzos I took an Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) course. It has helped me in withdrawal more than anything. I still get on the "get it done" train more than I like but strive to be in the moment with what I have been given. Some days I fail miserably. Hopefully this is the longest lesson in acceptance and patience we will ever encounter.

 

Sending love to you and all,

Carita

 

 

Okatz...got the crown...it is helping me crawl out of the weeds. Thanks. Yell if you need it. 

 

I'm really glad this helped Carita, sometimes we really do forget what we've done. We are all so hard ourselves, and I'm just as guilty of this. Sometimes just a simple reminder is all we need...

 

Isn't this the truth about life in general! Being in the moment is basically benzo w/d. Learning to stay in the moment is critical, in my opinion. It's the ultimate form of acceptance.  Yet this way of life and looking at the present is undervalued.

 

You're so right, I hope this is the longest lesson in patience and acceptance we ever encounter...I hope everyone is doing well today 

 

Saga

[[Lo...]]

 

I'm really glad this helped Carita, sometimes we really do forget what we've done. We are all so hard ourselves, and I'm just as guilty of this. Sometimes just a simple reminder is all we need...

 

Isn't this the truth about life in general! Being in the moment is basically benzo w/d. Learning to stay in the moment is critical, in my opinion. It's the ultimate form of acceptance.  Yet this way of life and looking at the present is undervalued.

 

You're so right, I hope this is the longest lesson in patience and acceptance we ever encounter...I hope everyone is doing well today 

 

Saga

 

"sometimes we really do forget what we've done. We are all so hard ourselves, and I'm just as guilty of this. Sometimes just a simple reminder is all we need..."

 

I am very hard on myself...I really am and this forum is a reminder to not be so hard on myself...enjoy simple moments and be blessed always despite how I feel. 

 

[[dr...]]

Good posts to read this morning

 

Etown-that burning skin shit sucks! I found anything to change the sensation works which sounds like you already know.

 

 

It's early in the day but I feel better so far.  The intense muscle pain in my thighs is a constant reminder to my brain and it musts builds my mental symptoms. The physical were more intense too.

I walked and jogged the three miles this am as I overdid it the other day. I remember in boot camp I was wondering why I couldn't keep up with sixty year olds. Now I know it was the benzos. How the hell do they reek so much havoc. The fatigue is just another added bonus.

 

 

[[dr...]]

The internet here is spotty so it posts before I finish.

 

Anyone else get a balloon like feeling in their fingers?  That's the closest I can describe it. Weird.

 

Anywho...hope everyone is doing as best they can. Glad I'm feeling better for my last full day here.

With all my live and support.

 

Drew

[Guest [in...]]

Fell asleep

On recliner

-listening to these binaural sounds videos YouTube-woke up slobbering on recliner- yuck! Feel like

An old

Geezer!! 

[Guest [in...]]

Drew sorry, it's ur last day in paradise  You'll get back again? Maybe hang ten?! I do not have balloon fingers-only prickle arms 

[Guest [in...]]

Sorry cat lovers, hubby not into doing any special enclosures. He think they belong outside ALL the time. "I never agreed to Any cats & now there's 2" says he. Well, he talks to them & feeds em every morning!  I'm not allowed to bring anymore home.

[[et...]]

Shared from another Buddie who just jumped.

Take what you want and leave the rest

etown

 

Hey folks. I wanted to celebrate being off of benzos but also wanted to offer some thoughts and advice for people still tapering and suffering.  Not sure exactly which forum to put it in so I'm just doing it here in the celebrations.

 

Exactly one year ago today, I started my actual taper.  Prior to that I'd gone up and down in dosage on Ativan and had really set myself up for a rough ride (kindling and all that).  June 24th, 2013, I started my Valium taper from 15 mg.  I went too fast and ended up in the hospital a few times, and had to take a disability leave from work to focus on the process.  I couldn't leave my couch for days at a time and didn't leave my apartment for so long (over a month) that my car battery died from not being run/charged.  To say we suffer from benzos is putting it very lightly, of course, but here we are.  Prior to being on a benzo, I didn't have anxiety and certainly hadn't ever suffered from a panic attack, but during withdrawals, my heart would race constantly to the point I thought I was going to have a heart attack, brutal anxiety ruled my every waking moment, panic attacks became a common thing, as well as tremors, my ears ringing, cog-fog so bad I couldn't remember my number, address, my age at one point, and  depersonalization/derealization were also commonplace, etc.

 

Last week I took my last dose.  I'd been drawing my reductions out but have honestly felt pretty good for a couple of months now.  I'm not 100% but I'm close enough that it's fine and bearable, and I know it's just a matter of time, now.  Taking my last pill was a formality as my dosage was so low (0.5 mg) that I didn't think it was doing much anyway.

 

 

I promised myself that if I made it I'd  take some time to write down some of the things that really turned this around for me, as I was very stagnant in my progress for a long time and felt like I wasn't going to get any better.  Certain things did really help, though  They helped me immeasurably and they may help you, too.  As always, none of this is medical advice - talk to your doctor whenever you need to.  That's what they're there for.

 

 

Some tips and advice based on my journey:

 

1) Understand the difference between an addiction and dependence.  To me, addictions are behavioral - we feel a certain way so we do a certain thing.  Dependence, of course, is our body's reliance upon something to function normally.  All of us become dependent on benzos (very quickly).  The addiction is the thought process of, "I feel <X>, so I should do/take <Y>."  I think if you're here seeking help, you've probably already broken a conscious addiction to the medication and are simply still dependent.  Always keep that in mind - it's an important first step that we often ignore.

 

2) Don't replace the benzo addiction with another one.  When I first started tapering, I felt so horrible that I was willing to do or try anything to feel better.  I smoked marijuana for the first time in my life, I took a suite of vitamins and herbs, iced my head constantly, etc. - nothing was too crazy if I thought it might help.  But the reality is, none of it did.  I don't think anything but time can actually heal this, and it's important not to replace one addiction for another.  If your reflex is still, "I feel like crap from benzo withdrawals, so I should take <Y>," even if Y is a vitamin or supplement, you're still in the wrong mindset.  You still think consumption of things is what you need when the reality is, you probably don't.

 

Of course, go to your doctor and get a physical to make sure you're actually good to go, but if they say you're healthy as they did with me, then relax.  Don't pound supplements and all that other junk - at best, you're probably doing nothing for yourself and at worse, you're putting strain on your kidneys and such.  As soon as I cut all of that out, I noticed I felt better and just stuck with waiting and trying to relax.  I'll go into this more later, but the more we constantly think about and try to fix this situation, the harder it is to just let time flow.

 

3) Take a vacation from WebMD or other similar information (even this site, after you've read it all).  I say that because after you've read Ashton's manual and after you've read the posts here and after you've read everything there is about benzos or side effects or symptoms, it should become clear that the withdrawals are simply terrible, but that you're fine.  Stop stressing yourself out by re-reading everything you already know.  Being addicted to benzos is, with any luck, the worst thing any of us will go through.  Time is the only thing that can truly fix it, so give your mind and your emotions a rest and don't keep reading this stuff after you've gotten a grasp of your situation

 

4) Do some light exercise.  I know people will say this and I know as well as anyone that the last thing you want to do while withdrawing is exercise, but let me be clear: light exercise means as little as just going for a walk.  That's what I did.  And at first, I could only walk for 5 minutes before I'd get too dizzy, and that dizziness would launch me into a panic attack that I was going to pass out or fall down and hurt myself, so I'd have to retreat to my apartment.  But 5 minutes became 10 minutes, 10 became 15 and so on until I could do multiple 30-45 minute walks per day without any problem.

 

And more than anything else I did, going for walks made me feel a significant improvement.  At first it was just mental, that I could finally leave my apartment and not feel so physically disabled, but in a short amount of time the physical rewards of exercising also became apparent.  I just flat-out felt better, and better.  Now I do cardio and lift weights and will keep pushing until I feel 100% normal again.  It's not far off, now.

 

5) GO. SLOW.  The actual goal we have to focus on is feeling normal, not getting off of benzos.  Yes, getting off of benzos needs to happen but the real goal is to get our lives back and feel healthy again.  Getting off of benzos is a part of that, but you can also feel healthy and normal while still taking them as your dosage gets low.  That's where I ended up and after going too fast and really bottoming-out a few times, I took my doctor's advice and just slowed down.  It was still really rough but it was bearable and, eventually, I got to where I am.  Go slow, focus on just being patient and relaxing.  Again, time is all that can fix this as our body re-balances its chemistry.

 

6) Forgive yourself.  If you're anything like me, you feel so weak and so ashamed.  I'd never even smoked marijuana before this, so to be hooked on a powerful drug made me feel like a junkie.  But, you're not.  You're here, you're doing what you need to do - you're dependent, not addicted.  Again, keep that in mind and forgive yourself.  I've come out the other side honestly grateful to have suffered and been reborn.  When I couldn't do anything, I realized how little I'd been doing with myself.  I wasn't living, and now, still at a young age, I feel like I have the perspective that's often only afforded to the elderly who look back on their lives and wish they'd done more.  I have that now and imagine most of you will, too.

 

7) Lastly, stop thinking about tapering.  Stop thinking about the drug entirely. As I've said a few times, time is all that can really heal this so stop worrying about how much you are taking, how fast you are or aren't going.  Just make cuts, focus on feeling normal, and when you feel alright, do another cut.  Slow and steady.  The sooner you stop worrying about the specifics of how much you take or how fast you're going, the sooner it'll just happen.  Focus on living your life.  Go for walks, go see people, go see a movie - anything you can tolerate, just do it.  Try to keep your focus on external stimuli like the cars going by, the wind in the trees, etc.  The more you focus externally and the more you ignore the fact that you're on this journey, the easier it is to stop thinking about your symptoms and just let time flow.

 

 

Hopefully something in here will help someone.  I've been able to divert a few friends when they've been given this medication by giving them my story and plan to help anyone, anywhere, anytime for the rest of my life avoid this nightmare.

 

I wish all of you the best as you work your way down to 0 and would be happy to talk here or in PM or even by email or text to anyone that wants to talk.  I wouldn't wish this upon anybody so just know that I'm here for anyone who needs it.  I look forward to linking back to this post in 2 months when I post in the success story forum

 

[Guest [in...]]

Wow E!!! What a wealth of common sense there! Thanks for posting it 

[[...]]

"never forget what you've already accomplished". Saga

 

Saga dear friend...this is so important for all of us. Thank you for the reminder.  Every day...every minute is an accomplishment. I forget where I've been when I have had a string of crappiest days.

 

I have always been a planner...a BIG planner, often preventing me from appreciating the current moment. I believe our culture rewards that practice. Anyway.... Long ago before benzos I took an Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) course. It has helped me in withdrawal more than anything. I still get on the "get it done" train more than I like but strive to be in the moment with what I have been given. Some days I fail miserably. Hopefully this is the longest lesson in acceptance and patience we will ever encounter.

 

Sending love to you and all,

Carita

 

 

Okatz...got the crown...it is helping me crawl out of the weeds. Thanks. Yell if you need it. 

 

Great Post Carita 

 

So you are wearing the crown, huh? 

[[...]]

Sorry cat lovers, hubby not into doing any special enclosures. He think they belong outside ALL the time. "I never agreed to Any cats & now there's 2" says he. Well, he talks to them & feeds em every morning!  I'm not allowed to bring anymore home.

 

Boo on that!  What a party pooper! 

[[...]]

Thank you for posting that Etown.  Your buddy gave very sage advice and for those still tapering I hope it can be a source of comfort.

[[...]]

Day three of The Great Vapor Caper comes to a close.  Today I noticed a slight tightness in my fight or flight muscle between my shoulder blades.  It is annoying more than anything, and a reminder that the worst side effects always started with this.  I had much worse days even when I was daily tapering with the scales so I refuse to allow myself to over react. 

 

It's all good! 

 

Hope everyone is doing OK.  I am gonna sign on to netflix and watch something funny!

 

Eliz 

[[Lo...]]

I forgot to tell everyone that today was very peaceful day at work :-) a lot of people were out at a conference and my boss called out sick. The day you went by pretty fast!!!

[[Sa...]]

Day three of The Great Vapor Caper comes to a close.  Today I noticed a slight tightness in my fight or flight muscle between my shoulder blades.  It is annoying more than anything, and a reminder that the worst side effects always started with this.  I had much worse days even when I was daily tapering with the scales so I refuse to allow myself to over react. 

 

It's all good! 

 

Hope everyone is doing OK.  I am gonna sign on to netflix and watch something funny!

 

Eliz 

 

Good Eliz, don't let yourself overreact! Glad it's going well! Find something funny