How many people HAVE to work while tapering

[[et...]]

Intend - I get the work training stuff. I also get the realist thing. No matter what spin is put on this whole thing it just sucks huge. WWWI, Lisa et al I'm doing ok a little stirred up re my taper restart but trying to deal with it

love you all

etown

[[In...]]

etown,

 

Yep, no way to "pretty this up." I think Ashton mentions some who notice no sx while withdrawing. I'm not familiar enough if she means those she dealt with or just that "majority" out there (which I doubt truly exists as a large enough group to be called a majority), but we'll not hear from them I suppose.

 

I'm definitely "not loving" this process. However, I'm trying to see withdrawl sx as signs of change (which they are) and just go with it, and hope this gets better as time goes by. This attitude goes against my realistic brain, but I despise K, and it seems to despise me, so getting down on dose and off is a good thing for me.

 

Intend

[[et...]]

The "process" blows but the hope I may become a better man after the dust settles is what I'm epending on. I want to learn from this to help others, be a better husband,son,dad,grampa etc. If I have to go through this for them I'll figure it out but I am darn pissed believe me.

etown

[[Wi...]]

I can honestly say that I have learned better than any other time in my life what my real priorities are.  For what that's worth...

[[lk...]]

Intend..........You keep saying you aren't a positive person but I don't believe that completely. You help a lot of people with the info you have and the experiences you have been through. You have a lot of demands on you with work that I dont envy. Give yourself some credit for doing that well!!!!  Everyone usually sees me as the cheery upbeat positive outlook kind of person but I can get down and icky too. I just don't tend to verbalize it. Its all in my head I don't think there is a chance in you know where that there is a person out there that can have no symptoms and go through this happy all the time. Just not possible. Everyone deals with it how they need to ya know but its no happy ride of joy.

 

E....Yup...it blows. TOTALLY! So are you stressing over starting again? Are you just projecting that it is going to be horrible? That isn't good either. I swear if we keep thinking it it happens. I know that sounds hokey and its not that cut and dry but I do believe if we can try to keep a positive outlook it does help. If we dwell on how horrid things are and how they are going to stay that way we stay in that place. We all know that place in no fun....not one bit. Hang in there. We are here for ya!

[[et...]]

I didn't even know horrible until the last episode and I do not want to go back there ever. Yeah I'm stressed alright. I still have so far to go it is mind blowing. Two more years of my life gone.

Etown

[[In...]]

Lisa,

 

Realistic is not "non positive." It's just seeing the realities of a situation. And I do a lot of that so I can help people.

 

I agree with you that there's plenty of people experiencing sx from stopping this stuff if they built a dependence on it. I just remember Ashton writing that somewhere in her manual.

 

And I've read of a few here who've had a smoother ride than most. But they're few and far between. Of course, this iPad is on all the time, but I'm not on it, and I surely don't read hardly any of the many posts. So there could be more.

 

And yes, WWWI, this lovely experience can surely put one in touch with their priorities big time. As in my opinion, this is surely the "ride" of a lifetime. Definitely ranks up there with many serious illnesses, and totally over rides the "superficial" parts of life.

 

Intend

[[lk...]]

I think what frustrates me the most is most people don't get it. They think its all in our head That infuriates me to no end. I totally wish my husband could live it for a week or two to totally understand. Mean eh? lol

 

Intend..........Realist yes but think of the knowledge you have gained and how you have helped others. Its not all in vain. I try to find a bright side.....altho I can't really find one with these damn drugs but there has to be something right?

 

E.....I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I get it. I never figured out the time frame for my taper cuz I thought it would drive me insane. So then at the end I kinda did and of course it didn't work that way at all. It took me longer. If you can spend the next 2 years tapering in little pain then its worth it.....Im sorry you had such a raw experience this past time. It does make one gun shy!

 

Lisa

[[bo...]]

Intend and e-town-

I'm curious.  Have you both had tough tapers with lots of symptoms?  Also, what was it that made you decide to get off the meds?  Were you having problems with them or was it a conscious decision based on what you learned about them?

 

For me, I was always doing okay on the meds.  I keep reading people on here who say they were all messed up from them.  It was only when my doc started showing signs of not prescribing that I decided I better get off.  That's when I researched and found out that some symptoms I was having - burning finger, tingling, and distended belly, were likely due to benzo and tolerance withdrawal.  But these were not oppressive symptoms.  I mainly just figured that I would only be getting in deeper and setting myself up for a bad fall if I kept on.  I'm sure if I went back to the .5 mg I would feel fine for a while, but then the future, I'd be starting all over again.  Oy.

 

I think I've explained my symptoms now pretty much.

[[et...]]

Bobo - I hit tolerance so had no other option other thanupdose which was not an option for me. You bet you would complicate the future. The longer you're on the tougher it is IMO. I did fine for 20 years and would have kept taking it for the rest of my life but not to be I guess. Now I hate this crap and the monsters that create it.

You're doing the right thing.

etown

[[bo...]]

Lisa-

You are one of the most relentlessly positive folks, I know it must be hard for you too but you keep upbeat.  It is really welcome from me.  If you read here even in the "Benzo free celebration" and "Success Story" sections they are filled with people still suffering.  It's tough (and yes, I know I'm not supposed to read that stuff).

 

I guess the thing that is the most frustrating is that nobody can tell you how things will be for you.  Everyone and every experience is so different.  Heck, you could have gone through this multiple times and every time will be different.  THere seems to be a consensus that it helps to taper slow, but even that seems like no guarantee.  And half the time you read someone who had a reasonably easy WD (even with symptoms) it turns out to be someone who was on for three weeks or something like that.  That's what is tough.

[[In...]]

Yeah,

 

This experience is full of apprehension and just plain fear. It doesn't bother me to read anything supposedly scary. I've had about one of the roughest times I know of aside from a cold turkey, and it's far from over.

 

I have truly come to expect the unexpected, but the scary stuff never did scare me anyway. I guess it's that realistic perspective.

 

Intend

[[et...]]

We know nothing Bobo except, WE WILL HEAL!. Nobody wants the pain but everybody wants the eventual gain and we will gain. it is so hard to accept and I'm not sure I ever really will but I would like to brush up against Lisa and get some of that positive attitude to rub off on me. I was such a "full of life kind of guy" now at times I feel like I have been sentenced.

etown

[[et...]]

I need to rub against you too Intend. I am scared /.;'less half the time

etown

[[In...]]

Bobo,

 

I didn't have any trouble whatsoever while on Xanax, once per day, 2 mgs. I only decided to get off cause my doctor was irritating me with her attitude. But she's also near retirement and was trying to get me to go see a specialist (neuropsychologist) as she said I was "somatizing" my sx. This was after switching me back and forth 4 times in 6 months between X and K.

 

By then I was having all kinds of a rough time. So the story is kind of mixed.

 

I have a new doctor now.

 

Intend

[[lk...]]

Bobo.....Thanks.....I try. Its not easy all the time. Its easier for me to be that way then to go into a hole cuz then I feel like I would be lost forever. I can say that I have had a reasonable taper. I have had some super bad cuts and days where I was totally miserable and then I had cuts not so bad. I had lots of normal symptoms and was spared from a lot of the more harsh symptoms like DP  and DR....It has NOT been fun and all but I know many others have had it far worse then I. I wish I knew why. I took Xanax for a long time. I didn't have any issues when I decided to get off. I actually came on this site to only get off the ambien that I was taking as it wasn't working anymore. WHO KNEW! I think the not knowing is one of the worst parts of this taper business cuz you are right....you have no idea what will happen. You can ask all you want but it might be different. I tried to assume the best every cut ....that I was going to feel minimal. I felt like going into it without negative expectations helped me. Now if it did or not I cannot say lol Hang in there.

 

Intend.....I had never known why you had decided to get off the X.....Crazy.... I Cant believe they put you back and forth the way you have gone with the X and K.....Not sure I like your neruopsychologist diagnosis.

 

E....hugs dear. I am sorry you are so fearful. Anxiety of the unknown is a killer. We are here for ya I will splash some positive energy or vibe on you whenever needed. Try not to do the whole "What if" deal. That is not helpful at all!!!! You are gonna make it and you will heal. YOU WILL!!!!!!

 

Lisa

 

Lisa

[[et...]]

Some easy listening

etown

 

[[In...]]

I'm not afraid, but I am not happy either. I don't like what's happened to me. But I hear from others that these stories also scare them.

 

And I think some people are just more easily frightened. I do worry that I won't get myself back, but I think I have to try. And now because this K is a bad fit for me, I can't stay on it anyway.

 

And I can't go back to X because it doesn't work for me like it did. That limits my options. And I had already decided to get off X way before anyway because of my doctors maneuverings. I just figured she lost money in the stock market and was trying to make it up by sending all her patients to this neuropsychologist.

 

I had heard the secretary on the phone telling others that all of the current patients were being sent to this neuropsychologist. So that's how she tried to send me. No other reason. And she was nearing retirement. So since we had talked investing many times, I knew how invested she was. And when the stock market fell in 2008, many people lost money, so it was right after that she started sending people to this neuropsychologist who only accepted cash. And I figured it was for commissions for sending people. Well, this is real life, and doctors are real people, and they can do this kind of stuff like anyone else. And I'd already wanted to get away to another doctor anyway, and I thought the best way was to just get off X. I really didn't know what I was in for. The switching back and forth came soon after this as when I told her I wanted off, she put me on K. Then when I had trouble crossing to K, she put me back on X.

 

It's really an awful story of doctor mismanagement from every angle. The whole experience smartened me up, but did damage to my receptors. But I'll just do the best I can to get first, down on this dose of K, then off. Realistic goals.

 

Intend

[[et...]]

Doctors don't get me on that rant

etown

[[lk...]]

Fear is healthy.................as long as it doesn't control you. True story It took me a long time to come to grips with that. I didn't realize most of my anxieties were just fears that I had stuffed......real ones and stupid ones. The mind is a powerful thing!

 

Hang in there gang. Routing for all of you.

 

Off to work I go

 

Lisa

[[bo...]]

I went to my GP today to have my recent bloodwork read.  Everything was way, way better.  Cholesterol, sugar, everything way down.  Probably because I haven't been eating. My typically uncontrolled HBP was 126/78.  My weight is down every time I see him for the past couple months. So naturally it is hard to explain to him that I am all screwed up.

 

He thinks  might go through 3 mos withdrawal. Ha.  I haven't seen anybody on here go through only 3 mos wd.  Even folks who only took the pills for three weeks. Well, hopefully the pDoc has a better grasp pn tis.  Not sure.  I told my GP that what I thought I wanted was to switch to Valium so I wouldn't have these ID WD, but I wasn't sure the pDoc would go along.  He told me that it wouldn't hurt to ask, at which point I felt lke asking him - well would you write the scriupt for me.  But I didn't.  I'll wait until I at least have a few appts with this new pDoc.

 

Unlike most of you, I can't really blame him for my predicament.  I asked for the Ativan, I knew it was addictive but I just didn't have any idea how horribly addictive it was, even if you took less than directed.  But no matter whose fault, it's a pain in the a$$.

[[lk...]]

Bobo.....unfortunately most doctors have no idea the seriousness of tapering off this drug and the real sx.....Its crazy how little knowledge of it they actually have. I actually do not have my doc to blame either. He was quite free with it but truly believes my dosage was not an issue. I ended up calling him last year and telling him I was tapering and he said....Ok....and I told him how we were doing it and what pills I needed.  Thats how my taper has gone. This forum has given me all my info and help along the way thank god! 

 

Are you having really bad IW? What symptoms do you have?

 

Hope everyone else is having a decent day

 

Lisa

[[bo...]]

I have bad IW symptoms but they come and go.  Burning waves over my body, weakness, ,anxiety, some dizziness, I guess the same stuff everyone has.  Then stomach issues right now.  Of course I have insomnia but that's not ID.  Once I take my dose I have been getting some sleep, knock on wood (not last night but usually). I sort of settled on trying to move .125 mg to 10 am, and shaving .0625 off my 10 pm dose, which would be a .0625 updose.  Much less than what my pDoc wanted.  I feel a little guilty but hopefully this will get me through the audits I need to do in the next two weeks., until I can see the doc and figure out a taper.

 

Hopefully I'm not messing my taper up much since I never really had one. Over the past couple months I dropped from somewhere between .5 and  1 mg to .5 mg firm with little problem  Then cut that in half to .25 with all sorts of problems.  THat was the extent of my taper up to now.

 

How are you doing?

[[lk...]]

Bobo.....yeah...your body is just fighting back now. A lot of people can taper off quickly the first time with no issues or little issues then the second time isn't so fun. That cut was just way too big and no wonder you were feeling so badly. Did you have the IW before you dropped the .25? Just wondering if that was caused by your crazy non taper or if you have always had the IW. I would say you need to do what you feel will keep you stable during the time you need. Don't go up and down with it. You don't want to mess with the receptors anymore then you have. If you are determined to cut then I would do a super small dose from your least needed dose. That is my take. Then see how it goes. Do you feel like if you held right now you would stabilize more? Just a thought.

 

I am ok. Felt a little strange earlier today at work. I was super light headed. Like a floaty feeling if that makes any sense. Legs ....arms....it was weird. I have no clue if that has anything to do with the jump or not. Im on day 4 so it would make sense. Other then that my headache is FAR better today thank god!

 

Hang in there....

 

Lisa

[[bo...]]

I had ID WD before the .25, or a combination of ID and tolerance, but extremely mild.  Just a little tingling in my fingers and sort of a nervous catch in my throat.  I chalked it up to some other health problem.