The Klonopin Klub

[[Tr...]]

Hello everybody!!

 

Thanks for all the replies about the antihistamines. I can relax a little about that now I think. For sure I won’t be taking it often, but it would be nice to have around in the event of an emergency, better than taking more of the K I’m sure. I also only take children’s benedryl (IMO bubble gum is better than cherry), I like the liquid because I can tailor the dose to what I want.

 

SkyZone: I hear you about splitting the pills. I have .5 pills, I’m using a pill cutter and cutting by .0625 and it’s really not. . . Stupid fog, I can’t think of the word for it, but the pills are not the same size every time and it is a pain. Probably not conducive to a smooth taper either, but I’m going to keep up with it as long as I can. Hopefully to the end. I don’t know what a Henckels knife is, but I’m going to have to find out. I tried .125 at first, but even that was too much. .0625 is much better so far!

 

Journaling is something that therapists and my Dr. have suggested over and over through the years. I have never quite been able to force myself to do it. It feels weird to me to be writing to no one. What I did do recently is start my blog. I figured that is close enough, and it feels a little better if others can read it, and maybe find some help or at least a little comfort. I think that has helped me because I’m able to get things out, I know that anyone who reads it understands what I’m going through, and it helps me not have to dump it all on my husband. I do think journaling is a good idea, in whatever form works for you.

 

It’s nice to hear from people who have seen more of the good sides of getting off the drug. Definitely makes me feel better about the things I’m going through now! You don’t notice them as much when you are on the drug, it’s when it starts clearing that you see it, a lot of the time, anyway. I have already felt a tiny bit of benefit from starting to get rid of the drug.

 

Ugh. . . Election day. I have the jitters too Rek. 

 

Hope everybody is doing well today!!

[[Sk...]]

Greetings from SkyZone, Tranquility!

 

Thank You for the response and i hope your taper goes well.  I find that if I don't think about it too much throughout the day, at times, I don't even remember i am withdrawing and have not one symptom.  Keeping busy helps allot for sure. 

 

Hello everybody!!

 

Thanks for all the replies about the antihistamines. I can relax a little about that now I think. For sure I won’t be taking it often, but it would be nice to have around in the event of an emergency, better than taking more of the K I’m sure. I also only take children’s benedryl (IMO bubble gum is better than cherry), I like the liquid because I can tailor the dose to what I want.

 

SkyZone: I hear you about splitting the pills. I have .5 pills, I’m using a pill cutter and cutting by .0625 and it’s really not. . . Stupid fog, I can’t think of the word for it, but the pills are not the same size every time and it is a pain. Probably not conducive to a smooth taper either, but I’m going to keep up with it as long as I can. Hopefully to the end. I don’t know what a Henckels knife is, but I’m going to have to find out. I tried .125 at first, but even that was too much. .0625 is much better so far!

 

Journaling is something that therapists and my Dr. have suggested over and over through the years. I have never quite been able to force myself to do it. It feels weird to me to be writing to no one. What I did do recently is start my blog. I figured that is close enough, and it feels a little better if others can read it, and maybe find some help or at least a little comfort. I think that has helped me because I’m able to get things out, I know that anyone who reads it understands what I’m going through, and it helps me not have to dump it all on my husband. I do think journaling is a good idea, in whatever form works for you.

 

It’s nice to hear from people who have seen more of the good sides of getting off the drug. Definitely makes me feel better about the things I’m going through now! You don’t notice them as much when you are on the drug, it’s when it starts clearing that you see it, a lot of the time, anyway. I have already felt a tiny bit of benefit from starting to get rid of the drug.

 

Ugh. . . Election day. I have the jitters too Rek. 

 

Hope everybody is doing well today!!

[[In...]]

Skyzone and Tranquility,

 

A Henckels knife is a brand of cooking/chopping knife. You can buy an entire set (expensive) in a beautiful wood block, or just pick individual knives.

 

I have a set with various sizes. The very large one is heavy in weight and if you do your own score on the pill on both sides, going back and forth, you will have a fairly good score on the quarter pill.

 

Then you can use that score and the weight of the knife to cut that quarter into eighths. I agree it is not easy to get these eighths, and I have found this was the best way for me. I managed to cut 23 days worth of these eighths ( that's what I needed at the time) using this method.

 

Good cooking knives are generally available at speciality cook stores. Perhaps Williams-Sonoma or Crate and Barrel. I have those here also, but got mine at a local store several years ago. I believe the cost ( probably $45) is worth it to be able to more accurately cut these pills.

 

I have several ill cutters and have not found anywhere near the same level of uniformity of pill size and shape as with the knife.

 

Intend

[[Sk...]]

Thanks, Intend.  I am almost willing to sell my appendix organ, let alone $40 to get accurate pill cuts. 

 

-SkyZone-

[[Ge...]]

Are you able to able to get a prescription for wafers, SkyZone?  They go all the way down to .125mg.

 

Someone asked about my bronchitis - I've been feeling better, but I didn't really feel terribly sick when I went to the doctor. The pain spot in my chest in gone, though, and more importantly, the miserable pounding headaches are gone.  I guess the doctor was right about sinus issues going on, too.

 

I have an extremely stressful, anxious day ahead of me.  Didn't sleep well.  Tons of morning anxiety. 

[[Sk...]]

I am unable to get any other prescription right now.  I am scared if I tell my psychiatrist I want to get off of K, he might just rapid taper me.  , so I am stuck with the 1mg pills, doing what I can with them to split them as small as accurately possible.  I am now starting to concider titration.

 

Are you able to able to get a prescription for wafers, SkyZone?  They go all the way down to .125mg.

 

Someone asked about my bronchitis - I've been feeling better, but I didn't really feel terribly sick when I went to the doctor. The pain spot in my chest in gone, though, and more importantly, the miserable pounding headaches are gone.  I guess the doctor was right about sinus issues going on, too.

 

I have an extremely stressful, anxious day ahead of me.  Didn't sleep well.  Tons of morning anxiety. 

[[Tr...]]

Accurate!! That’s the word I was trying to think of! 

 

Thank’s Intend, I’m with SkyZone, I would do pretty much anything to get an accurate cut at this point.

 

The wafers are good, they are much bigger plus they taste good  I used them when I had insurance and highly recommend them. I would have them now if they weren’t so dang expensive.

 

I hope your taper goes well too SkyZone. Doesn’t seem like there are that many of us that decide to dry cut. So far I can see why, but hopefully it will get better if we can get accurate cuts. Either way we will all get there somehow. I told my Dr. that I needed to take it more than once a day to get smaller pills. I worry about talking to him about this too. You never know what they will do, and some doctors don’t seem to realize how much of our lives they hold in their hands when they are writing that rx.

 

There are compounding pharmacies that will make it into liquid for you, but I think the Dr. has to order that. Not sure, maybe someone else knows about that.

[[Sk...]]

"some doctors don’t seem to realize how much of our lives they hold in their hands when they are writing that rx." 

 

 

 

Accurate!! That’s the word I was trying to think of! 

 

Thank’s Intend, I’m with SkyZone, I would do pretty much anything to get an accurate cut at this point.

 

The wafers are good, they are much bigger plus they taste good  I used them when I had insurance and highly recommend them. I would have them now if they weren’t so dang expensive.

 

I hope your taper goes well too SkyZone. Doesn’t seem like there are that many of us that decide to dry cut. So far I can see why, but hopefully it will get better if we can get accurate cuts. Either way we will all get there somehow. I told my Dr. that I needed to take it more than once a day to get smaller pills. I worry about talking to him about this too. You never know what they will do, and some doctors don’t seem to realize how much of our lives they hold in their hands when they are writing that rx.

 

There are compounding pharmacies that will make it into liquid for you, but I think the Dr. has to order that. Not sure, maybe someone else knows about that.

[[re...]]

No, SkyZone, they certainly don't--realize, I mean.  They have no clue, or not nearly enough of one.  But you pressed one of my hot-buttons with that comment and I don't want to go into another tirade, so I'll leave it at that, and go on to what I was going to say . . . well, first of all, Genoa, hang in there with your stressful day, I'm so sorry!  You don't even need election-day jitters--there are already plenty of jitters to go around.  The day will pass, and then it'll be over, and with a bit of luck you'll get some better sleep tonight.  Are your lungs improving?

 

Now about this pill-cutting business.  It just occurred to me that maybe the reason I cut by quarter-pills (and with only a few days spent at each dose), then eventually jumped from .5 mg to 0 was that I was SO SICK of trying to cut those #@$* little buggers up and get anything like a precise dose in the process.  All I had was a fairly inadequate little paring knife, and it was an aggravating process, to say the least.  I don't recommend the solution I went for, though (tapering at breakneck speed), especially for people who've been on the medication longer than I have.  If you can get a knife that'll do the job half-decently, or gear yourself up for titration, I'm sure that's best.  I have to wonder whether the body pains I'm still dealing with--which come and go, but never go entirely--may be the price I'm paying for jumping too abruptly.

 

And Lizie, to answer your question . . . well, I guess I can't really answer it!  If there are other possible candidates for what's causing this pain, I'm really not sure how to identify them.  Age could be one factor, of course.  Here, though, is where my mistrust of the doctors becomes a problem, because at this point I have little to no inclination to turn to them for any kind of answer, so certain am I that they'll just fob me off with a bunch of claptrap about how I have fibromyalgia after all, and send me home with a prescription for cyclobenzaprine.  At any rate, you're absolutely right about heat--I take a VERY hot shower at night, and it feels great.  As for lifting, alas I can't avoid that right now--our puddle-filled basement had to be cleared out completely for the crew that's going to come this week and charge us the earth to take away the mold and install a drainage system (they'd better do a good job, for what they're asking us to pay!), and I couldn't impose the whole task on my husband.  Clearing the basement, of course, meant taking stock, sorting, and jettisoning, ergo more lifting and hauling.  Oh, well.  Things are better, on the whole, if I sleep well at night--how about you?  Sleep, of course, is our too-often elusive quarry. 

 

Everyone go exercise your right to vote (if you haven't yet), have a wonderful day, and SLEEP WELL TONIGHT--don't stay up all night watching the returns!

 

Cheers,

 

Rek

[[re...]]

By the way, SkyZone, it's totally fine about the "hot-button"--in case it sounded as though I was annoyed about that: not in the least.  It's just that, while I wanted to respond, I'm trying to exercise a little self-restraint and not keep going off on a screed.

 

Anyway, I hope you can find a method that works well for you and allows you as smooth a taper as possible.  It will be so good to be liberated, yes?  And it will happen, in what I hope will be a more gentle transition for you than mine was.

 

:-)

 

Rek

[[li...]]

I have the same potential for a tirade, Rek!  It doesn't take a lot to set me off when I think about the injustice of all this .........

 

oh well............. my way of coping is to redirect my anger into motivation to prove my two delightful doctors wrong. 

 

Pills made them richer and me sicker!! 

 

Anyway, take care in that basement ........... yes, hot showers and heating pads do help ......

 

Lizie

[[re...]]

Oh, that's good to hear, Lizie, that I'm not the only one!  ;-)  I suppose a rant is also an opportunity to vent--and boy, do we need that from time to time, eh?

 

Again, my friends, sleep well -

 

Rek

[[Sk...]]

Hi Rek!

 

I thank you for that.  I have found a way to titrate easily from member BirdMan.  He puts a pill in a blender with whole milk and measures it in bottles.  I think this is my answer to a smoother, more tolerable taper.  I hope you are doing alright.  Keep in touch! 

 

-SkyZone-

 

By the way, SkyZone, it's totally fine about the "hot-button"--in case it sounded as though I was annoyed about that: not in the least.  It's just that, while I wanted to respond, I'm trying to exercise a little self-restraint and not keep going off on a screed.

 

Anyway, I hope you can find a method that works well for you and allows you as smooth a taper as possible.  It will be so good to be liberated, yes?  And it will happen, in what I hope will be a more gentle transition for you than mine was.

 

:-)

 

Rek

[[ja...]]

Good morning, all! Election day is over. Back to "normal jitters", haha...

 

Lots to comment on today. Rek, you and your tirades always have a place here. As long as my tirades do, too. And Lizie's. And whoever's. 

 

Lizie, Rek - very familiar with the tightly-sprung feeling in my neck. It took me by surprise a lot and just gave my neck a mess of subtle twitches for a minute or two each time. I worked on that through meditation, kind of concentrating on relaxing my neck and it worked. Let us know if you find a good way to deal with it.

 

SkyZ & Tranq - I wish I had some thoughts about titration. The only thought I have right now is that I wish I had done it. I'm a cold-turkey ex-Klon user..."tapered" in 6 days from 2mg to 0mg. I can hardly find anyone who has been equally as non-informed. The docs seemed to know what they were doing when they put me on that "taper" and I just trusted them. If I knew then what I know now  I didn't have BB or the KK when I initially got off the K. Anyway...really glad that people can offer advice and suggestions to you.

 

Genoa, how did your day go yesterday? Glad you're feeling better!

 

Intend, thanks for the Henkel suggestion...I love those knives. I had a whole set of them and for some reason they were sitting in my car for a few years until 2009, where I gave the whole set away to a tow truck driver who fixed my car on Christmas Eve. OK, I honestly didn't mean to do that! But I was so out of it at the time, so drugged up. I can be really giving, but there IS a limit... Anyway, good suggestion.

 

Changing my mind on the Benedryl, thanks Fish for your input. I've gone down to 12.5mg of Benedryl over the last 2 days and feel really good physcially. It really does make you foggy, and not in a calm Klonopin (drugged-out) way. Just less alert. I might try going without tonight.

 

This whole thread, and the Klub, always reminds me that everything is a process and to have patience with everything, not just withdrawal sxs.

 

Have a wonderful Wednesday, all!

 

 

[[In...]]

Hey folks,

 

I too feel such a sense of relief that the election is over. I didn't even realize that until I got up this am, and felt better mentally.

 

For good or whatever, I've been around for awhile ( was a real live hippie in the 70s), so what happens in this country really matters to me.

 

I am a social worker, and I work very intensely with a lot of disenfranchastised folks. Most of the time, they don't even recognize their plight, but they really struggle, and we (my agency) just do our best to help. It's probably like the proverbial "drop in the ocean," but we try.

 

I'm part time on weekends, but it's crisis intervention, so I see these struggles firsthand. So there's more to me than this, and my benzo troubles have interfered with me being me, but I'm glad (and hope) we can get on with things in this country.

 

Intend

[[re...]]

Jaxy, Intend, SkyZone, and the rest of the group, happy post-election day!  I love your line, Jax, about how it's back to normal jitters now--too true!  Interesting, by the way, that you were able to use meditation to relax your neck.  I've been trying, but so far it's a struggle, and then there's this paradox that you're not supposed to be struggling with stuff when you meditate.  Well, as you say, it is indeed a process. 

 

That's good work you do, Intend--you must witness a lot of hardship, and I wonder whether sometimes it's hard not to take it on your own shoulders?

 

Please be well, everyone.

 

Rek

[[re...]]

Good morning, friends--it was quiet at this thread yesterday.  Everyone's exhausted, perhaps, from staying up too late following the election returns.  Or some may have been battening down the hatches for yet another significant storm.  Once again we were not hit hard, but alas I hear New York City, just as it was getting to its feet again, got knocked again, and a lot of people lost power who'd only just gotten it back.  I don't know whether this phenomenon has likewise affected parts of New Jersey.  At any rate, I hope everyone is hanging in there, is OK, and that anyone who lost electricity gets it back again VERY SOON, especially in this cold.

 

At any rate, I'm thinking of you all--please take good care of yourselves.  Hope you are managing to get some sleep at night.

 

Rek

[[ja...]]

Good morning, all. We got about 3 inches of snow last night, but I felt really cozy. The last time I felt actually cozy was 20 years ago in college. Then I started on the Xanax/Klonopin and didn't feel that way until last May when I jumped. They say when you stop, you go back and feel things you haven't felt for the duration of your benzo use. I'm loving it. 

 

So I have a little "works for me" for today: taking deep breaths. I find that after about 4, I feel much more relaxed. Going back to a routine practice of meditation has been wonderful too - just to center myself - and feel like I'm happening to the world, instead of the world happening to me. It makes me feel my own confidence and power. So helpful when you don't care what the rest of the world thinks of you. Also, eating better is also a really good thing.

 

That's all for today...have a great one, everybody!

[[ja...]]

I almost forgot...I heard from Booklamp and he's doing ok. 

[[re...]]

Hey, Jaxy, it's good to hear from you and know that you're OK despite the nor'easter.  Also that BookLamp is all right--certainly sounded better in recent posts, but it's nice to get an additional reassuring report!

 

We have a crew in our basement jackhammering the living daylights out of it and upsetting the dog.  Upsetting me, too, truth be told, but at least I can (in theory) adduce a rational explanation for the fact that there is STUFF everywhere (everything that had to be hauled out of the basement for this operation--how on earth did we accumulate it all???) and the fact that it sounds as though the house is about to come down around our ears at any moment.  Poor doggie.  But he's SO MUCH BETTER than he was a year ago; he's a rescued pup (about 20 months old now), and someone must have done awful things to him somewhere along the line.  Anyway, I'm not sure who, actually, is more unhappy about what's going on, he or I, but we're both hunkering down.  So deep breaths, Jax, are indeed in order!  I discovered deep breathing this past summer, and use it sometimes at night to get back to sleep.  Now I think I need it just to calm down!

 

It turned out not only have we had rainwater coming in but a WATER MAIN had broken, and been leaking freely for who knows how long, inside one of the walls.  So on top of it all we've got a plumber down there fixing THAT, and we won't be able to draw any water for I don't know how long.  But . . . perspective is in order.  The guys in the basement (very nice young men who accepted cups of tea, which made me happy since I had no coffee to offer them) have also been doing work over on the Jersey shore, and showed me some of the pictures--yikes.  So I should just stop fretting.

 

The fact remains that I don't like home-ownership.  But my husband reminds me there are tradeoffs.  Sigh.  Thanks, Jax, for telling me it was OK to rant! 

 

Anyway, watching my anxiety meter, which is more or less off-the-charts at the moment.  Not going to take anything for it, just going to breathe, breathe, breathe, and try to console the dog, which has the incidental effect of calming me down a little bit.

 

Be well, everyone -

 

Rek

[[In...]]

I've been on BB for a year now and used to spend most of my online time on the Xanax support blog. I've had (and am still having) much difficulty crossing to K, but as my sig says, I'm almost there.

 

I haven't read this blog from start to where it is now, but I'm seeing the members who are here now. Most of you all are off I think, which is wonderful, and getting on with life. I'm not off at all, not fully on K as I said, but close. I'm also a "long termer" with Xanax and not K. My doctor didn't really care if I wanted to taper X (probably knew it would be hard), but truly believed I needed the drug.

 

I tried to cross to K last year but she ended up putting me back on X. The difference in the way the 2 drugs work (big, huge difference) seemed to affect my ability to take X again, so after 14 weeks, back to K. So I've had a "troubled" benzo history this past year, although before that, I never had one problem with taking X once per day, 2 mgs at night. I didn't even know at the time that X or benzos caused dependency; just became annoyed at doctor and decided to get off.

 

Well the story is more complicated than even that, but that's essentially it. Getting on K has been very hard for me as I have (unfortunately) high affinity for X, and am constantly dealing with X w/d sx as I make my way over to K. I push through these as best I can, and work on weekends, and hope. I plan on a microtaper off K once I'm on it and after givingvmy brain a chance to settle down as it's been through a lot this past year.

 

So that's me. I'm in the intermountain west. I don't have the same stuff going on as some of you, and not sure I "belong" here, but I've posted here a couple of times, and you're a cheery bunch which is great. But this benzo thing has kind of taken me over cause I'm not yet set on my taper, not off, just still kind of caught and trying to get started. I'm hoping that once I do, Ill be able to relate better to all.

 

Intend

[[cm...]]

Hi k-klub,

I'm Amy, and I'm (still) a klonopin user.

I hope I'm not barging in, as I see that lots of you go a long way back.

I've been trying to read all the posts in this thread, but I'm not even half way through :'(.

I guess my story is similar to many that I've read on the forum. I have bad days and horrible days, and when (if) I get a 20 minute window of normalcy I don't know how to react to it ...I mean, what does it feel to be normal anyway?

My major complains: pins and needles, burning muscles, joint pain, disrupted sleep, nightmares, palpitations, tachycardia, spikes in blood pressure, headaches, burning mouth, shaking, adrenaline/cortisol rushes, chest pain, tiredness, weakness, lack of interest in everything, depression, hypochondria....and I can go on for pages.

I am fortunate to have an understanding, loving husband who has been with me through thick and thin, as well as an adorable kitty (we got her hoping that it would lift my mood, plus I've always loved cats), and last but not least I'm lucky to have found this forum where I can find at least a shoulder to cry on and some validation of my "problems".

I'll stop before getting boring.

I hope everyone's having a good day, and I also hope to find some answers and support through my withdrawal here.  In turn I'll try to share my 2 cents of wisdom (whatever's left of it) with you.

Blessings,

Amy

[[re...]]

Intend and CMLPPVC -

 

NEITHER OF YOU IS BARGING IN and NEITHER OF YOU SHOULD FEEL THAT YOU DON'T BELONG!!  Everyone is welcome here, and if any of us can help, even if it's just to "be there and listen," then we will. 

 

Intend, you've got a delicate balancing act between X and K--my own experience with X was pretty limited, and even at that I'm not sure how much or in what ways it may have interfered or interacted with the bad trip I had on clonazepam (Klonopin).  At any rate, the doctors are of limited help, so I definitely recommend that you seek out people at this site who've had experiences similar to yours and are in a position to offer insight.  It's amazing how much you can find out here that the doctors will never tell you--most of them, at any rate, it seems.  I hope you can work out the balance, and find your way through to a benzo-reduction, and even eventually liberation from benzos, as I take it that is what you're striving for.  Persevere--it is hard, but it is doable.  My own journey was easier than that of many at this site, but there are success stories to be found here that involved surmounting amazing challenges.  And, just to reiterate, it DOES NOT MATTER where you are located--we love the mountains!  I have friends/family out that way--wish I could visit. 

 

CMLPPVC, of the symptoms you specifically mention, here are the ones I have experienced as well: pins and needles, burning muscles, joint pain, disrupted sleep, nightmares (not too much, but a bit), shaking (in my case, uncontrollable trembling that would come over me in bed at night), adrenaline/cortisol rushes (I think), tiredness, weakness, lack of interest in everything, depression, hypochondria.  Some of these for me overlap--tiredness, for instance, was hard to gauge as a symptom unto itself, since it could simply have been a result of the severely disrupted sleep.  My own addition to this list--although it overlaps with some of the foregoing--would be anxiety through the roof, and an irrational fear of--it sometimes seemed--almost everything.  The most benign things, like the sight of my son walking across the room carrying a stapler, could suddenly me feel either terrified or despairing, or some combination of the two.  I'm now about three months off clonazepam (which I took at a not terribly high dose over this past summer, attempting three times to kick it; attempt #3 finally worked), and I believe I'm still having some symptoms, in the form of occasional heightened anxiety, some sleep difficulty, and nearly constant body pains--my neck and shoulders are where most of this is concentrated, although I also have some odd muscle pain that's hard to attribute to anything else, since I'm not straining those muscles in any way that I'm aware of, unless I've been getting up and doing calisthenics in my sleep!  I don't mean to be flippant--I know this is serious business for anyone going through it.  I really hope you can persevere, and also that you'll find the support here that you need.  I'm so glad you have a supportive husband (me, too, and it made a huge difference), and that you have a sweet kitty.  I can't have a cat now, because my husband is allergic, but we were all crazy about the cat we used to have (even my husband adored her, allergies notwithstanding, and somehow coped for as long as she lived--she made it almost to 21 years, for about eight of which my husband sneezed a lot, but loved her from a distance).  Give your kitty a cuddle from me, will you?

 

Look, those of you who are relatively new to this thread, WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME.  Bring your questions, troubles, need to vent--whatever.  There will be people who will do their utmost to respond and offer support and comfort.

 

Yours in friendship,

 

Rek

[[In...]]

Rek,

 

Thank you for being so welcoming. As I said, I've been on BB for a year now, so I suppose I'm fairly well known by plenty of members here, just not on this particular blog.

 

My circumstances are not real "standard" in that crossing to K is generally not this hard with such intense X w/d sx, but one must just hold on tight and get through it.

 

Anyway, I'll keep up with all of you. For me it's not just about my sx (which are way too much fun), but also about strategizing my taper which frankly will be (if I can get there) pretty focused, and another learning experience for me. So thank you again.

 

Intend

[[Ge...]]

Intend, I think most of here are still tapering.  I think only maybe jaxnj is off (?).  The rest of us are still plugging. Glad you're here.  I switched over from Xanax to klonopin several years ago, before I knew anything about this stuff.  It was a weird switch, too, because it was more that I started on Xanax, then was given klonopin in addition, then told to quit the Xanax.  I didn't have any trouble with it that I remember, but I was also pretty new to benzos.

 

Jaxnj, thanks for asking about my tough day Tuesday.  It… was tough.  As was yesterday, and today, and things are just going to be very hard for the foreseeable future.  Relationship problems.

 

I've also continued to pile on the fat.  I've now gained about 35 pounds from what I'd lost a year and a half ago, most of it in the last several months.  I did manage to force myself to do Wii Zumba today, my first exercise in months.  But it wasn't even fun.  Just a chore.

 

This house is a sick house, with mold from flooding issues, animal problems, Nazi neighbors, bad plumbing, electrical, broken and falling apart drawers, cabinets, and doorframes, rotten deck two stories up, dry-rot, leaky showers, even broken vacuum cleaner that I just had "fixed" … and just plain dirt and filth. 

 

It's kind of too bad we haven't been hit by a disaster, so we could get this place totaled or fixed through insurance. Probably a really bad attitude, but that's my life.