The Klonopin Klub

[[Ly...]]

Hey guys I'm on day 8 being completely benzo free and besides the usual morning anxiety and random bouts of depersonization, dizziness and morning anxiety

I am also having a hyperawareness of my head and hands. My head feels very strange and odd when I move it (almost as if my head muscles are too tight .. head also feels really small and neck feels to long)and my hands feel large and unattached ... Has anyone experienced any of this?

Hopefully this is just my body readjusting and not the way things are gonna stay . I worry that whatever is left of my anxiety disorder  will make me this way permanantly

 

How do you know what's your baseline anxiety and what's part

Of withdrawal?

[[ja...]]

Hi all from Central NJ! We're great here...power, no flooding, all is good. There are 2.5 million other people in NJ without power, and the damage in NYC breaks my heart. But neither me or my hub has work today...he's doing a puzzle and I'm writing to you

 

Foot is better! Turns out I needed these 4 days for it to reset again. The first few days hurt badly because the toe was going back into place but now I think it's reversing. Thank you all for your support.

 

Rek! You're back! We need you here with your pearls of wisdom, so welcome back. I hear you with the alcohol. This is happening to me too lately - the sx that is back when I drink is the twitching. I actually drink wine for the taste and kind of get annoyed when I get tipsy, go figure. So I hear you.

 

Wonder where Brian is these days...I know he was taking off work after the cut.

 

Skyblue - what you're feeling is normal. I know it feels like it's going to go on forever, but believe it or not it's temporary. It's good that you're seeing a counselor - I did that too. I can't tell you how many days I just curled up and wanted it to end already. Unfortunately I still have insomnia and I've been taking Ambien for it. I suggest Benedryl for the sxs. It really has helped!

 

Genoa, thanks for checking in. You've worked so hard at this (we've been together here for months now) and I'm really happy for you. Keep fighting!

 

Lizie...I LEFT California 10 years ago...not because of the earthquakes (I was in Northridge 1994, that was a trip) but because I had decided to change careers and wanted to be around friends and family. I loved the weather there like nobody's business...miss that. You sound great though. A week...what a coup.

 

SkyZone, keep it up

 

Hopefully I got most of you. It is so very nice to look beyond my damn self again and care about others...*sigh* Have a great Tuesday, all! 

[[re...]]

Lynn, I have a word about baseline anxiety, but first I want to express some gratitude.  Thank you, SkyZone for sending such kind thoughts and wishes--we are FINE here; like Jax, I am grateful we are OK, and concerned about the many who are not--compared to seemingly millions, we really got off easy where I am, to the point where even our leaky basement still only has puddles, not an actual inundation.  We are nearly buried in sodden leaves, but I'll take that and run, needless to say, as opposed to what's happening on the Jersey coast, in Manhattan, and elsewhere.

 

Thanks, Jax for the warm welcome-back!  I'm so glad your foot is doing better, after the scare--may it continue on that healing trajectory; it's good that you've got today to give it some rest.  And I guess we both need to watch our alcohol intake!  In my case, what the sudden uptick in alcohol consumption seemed to do was bring on the old free-floating anxiety and fear, full-force.  I haven't had a drink since I left my dad's place, and the anxiety has subsided. 

 

This brings me to Lynn's question, regarding baseline anxiety.  You're right, Lynn, that it IS hard to gauge.  I think, though, that day 8 is early even to try to assess that question with any accuracy.  Eight days off is GREAT--don't get me wrong!  But it will take you some time to stabilize and to get a clearer sense of what "stability" even means.  Whatever you can do for yourself in the meantime to keep things more or less on an even keel is good, whether it's meditating, drinking some kind of soothing herbal tea, exercising, warm baths, all of the foregoing--whatever.  My sense is that the more proactive we can be in caring for ourselves through this process, the better and less helpless we feel. 

 

Which brings me to Brian, who seemed at last check-in to be making clear progress, but we haven't heard from him lately.  He is, I think, in NYC, and depending on what part of NYC he's in, it may be that he won't be able to check in until some of the mayhem caused by the storm has settled.  Anyway, Brian, wherever you are, we're wishing you well, and hoping that--among other things--you're safe and dry.

 

Wishing EVERYONE well -

 

Rek 

[[li...]]

Good to hear from you again, Rek, and to know that you are safe from the storm.

 

Your posts are always delightfully reasonable and calming !!  lol 

 

Unfortunately, I am still dealing with benzo-flu.  I mustn't complain, though.  I know my symptoms could be much worse.

 

Hi to everyone ...... glad, Jax, that you and your foot survived the storm! 

 

Take care,

Lizie

 

[[re...]]

Thank you, Lizie, and I'm so sorry about the persistent flu!  These benzos . . . wouldn't it be nice if doctors--more of them, at any rate--would wake up, wise up, and LISTEN to us about the havoc such drugs can wreak?  Speaking from my own experience, anyway, it's just so frustrating trying to get through to the mainstream medical people--they're not stupid, but they sure are obtuse.  That is, my doctors are, and likewise far too many others, if the accounts I read here are anything to go by.

 

Hearing more about the incredible damage caused by this monster storm--what a catastrophe.  Certainly puts a little water and mold in the basement into perspective.

 

Be well, everyone -

 

Rek

[[fs...]]

Hello guys!

 

I'm new to this club but sadly not to klonopin.

 

I'm starting to read the whole thread and getting to know each one of you so give me some time to catch up. hehehe...

 

 

[[Sk...]]

Congrats to you Lynn.  Hey Jax!  Glad to see you in the thread again and hello Rex.  Thank you for taking the time to include me in your posts.  And hi to everyone in here!  Peace to you all from SkyZone!

 

Hello to you, fspilot.  I love flight simulator as well.  I hope you find comfort here in your withdraw process.  We are here for you.  I am SkyZone and I am here for you if you need.  I am doing a rapid taper off of klonopin/clonazepam.  I am looking forward to getting to know you.

[[fs...]]

Awesome to know another flight simulator fan! I also fly real planes and cant wait to be able to get on one without feeling terrified, because I love those machines!

 

I did notice your fast taper before, and can only say AWESOME job! Stay strong!

[[Sk...]]

Thanks!  I see you are almost done tapering as well.  It feels great, doesn't it?  To finally almost be done with it all, I mean.

 

Awesome to know another flight simulator fan! I also fly real planes and cant wait to be able to get on one without feeling terrified, because I love those machines!

 

I did notice your fast taper before, and can only say AWESOME job! Stay strong!

[[fs...]]

Oh yeah, I cannot wait. I'm hoping I can be off before the year ends buy if not that's fine as long as I keep making progress. I cant believe this stuff is legal to be honest.

[[Sk...]]

To be completely honest with you, the reason I am doing a quick taper is that my dad is a retired navy coreman for 20+ years and he told me that even a even a clod turkey quit from the dose I am currently at, would not be something that would kill me or anything.  It could be quite painful and all, but eventually it gets better.  He also mentioned that plenty of exercise to sweat toxins out of the body and to eat sugars to give energy is essential to the whole rapid taper or cold turkey process for this medicine.  I don't wish to quit cold turkey, but I feel great with a rapid taper.  I think I am suffering from tolerance withdraw, so, for me, the sooner I get off the medicine, the better.  I am even considering a more rapid taper than before.  If it becomes too much for me to bear, then I would go back up a little bit on the dose.  Or take 1mg jolts of doses when needed. 

 

-SkyZone-

[[fs...]]

What I meant is that I won't obsess over it. I will not fight the process, just let it happen but always forward (down with the dose).

 

I actually visualize this as if I was on finals for landing. Slowly descending by following the instructions from the tower (my body) and will eventually land back home (my old self)

 

By the sounds of it, you are doing the same thing. But your controller/airport/plane are different.

[[Sk...]]

  I like your analogy.

[[ja...]]

Morning, all. 2 days past Hurricane Sandy and we're still the lucky ones with power. I can't get in touch with my parents - their phones are all out. I belong to a Facebook group that's devoted to people from my hometown (3000 of us) and put out the word. There's no power there, unfortunately. I wish I could go over there but my foot is preventing me...

 

So all this leaves me wondering about those who got off crippling meds who are experiencing this horrific situation. The anxiety and depression in my area of the world are off the charts right now. I'm having racing thoughts and overwhelmed by the damage to the Jersey Shore, Atlantic City and NYC. It's like I have survivor's guilt right now. I'm not feeling like taking care of myself at all - my insomnia is profound. Childhood memories feel ripped apart, and dreams have to be adjusted. It's surreal.

 

There's nothing more I would like than just to be numb. I'll fight it like I always do, of course. Brain is foggy from sleep meds...have to brave it again.

 

I'm sure that when this is all over so many people are going to need these medications to get through the day - it worries me. But I'll speak for myself right now. No more numbing, however painful. They say "the only way out of it is to go through it". You guys all know I'm a fighter. Time to fight again.

 

Hope you're all well, wherever you are.

[[li...]]

Yes, the devastation is horrifying ..... as bad as anticipated really ...... glad you have power, though.

 

Keep fighting your way through, Jax!  Try not to look ahead ........ hope you hear from your parents soon ....

 

Take care now,

Lizie

[[br...]]

Hello K-Klub

 

Thanks for thinking of me Jax.  I do live in NYC.  I lowered my dose from 2.5 mg to 2 mg K 6 days ago - bizarre timing with the Hurricane for sure.  My neighborhood in Brooklyn was largely unaffected.  No flooding, no wind damage, no power outages.  I already requested this week off from work for acute K w/d.  It was scary when the 2nd floor apartment I live in was shaking with the strong gusts of wind.  There is also a large tree next to my building that luckily did not fall.  I have been using Hydroxine my doctor prescribe to help me sleep in all this chaos.  I feel for all the people who have been affected by the storm.  It is a real tragedy.  To be honest, I have been trying to avoid watching too much of the news; as I know, I am especially emotionally sensitive in acute w/d. 

 

My symptoms have been somewhat limited this cut; but so has my activity level.  I have basically been in hibernation mode since Sunday.  I have had moments of rapid heart beat, feeling benzo-sick, moments of panic.

 

I was smoking a cigarette on my front stoop yesterday with some wind and rain still around.  I actually played a scenario in my head where New York State becomes very strict on benzos.  I imagined only licensed psychiatrists specialized in benzos were able to prescribe the drug in worse case scenarios, people home bound by agoraphobia, etc.  I imagined all people currently on benzos being tracked and told they are not fit for work due to the sedative quality of the drugs.  I then began to devise in my head a quicker plan to come off benzos to avoid being caught up in the coming benzo crack down.  I threw down my cigarette and began fumbling with my keys to get back into my apartment.  I stopped and took some deep breaths and was like "THIS IS ACUTE BENZO W/D MESSING WITH MY HEAD."  I got back into my apartment and felt better like 10 minutes later.  It's crazy how quickly (like 5 minutes) I had created this scenario and believed it.  Would this fall under "intrusive thoughts"  or "paranoid ideation," etc.?

 

The other crazy thing is that the benzo reform I imagined in my head is not so far off from how I actually feel about benzos.  I do think psychiatrists that specialize in the drug should be the only ones to administer it, only in worse case scenarios when all other options have been exhausted; they should all provide full disclosure to the patient about the drug's side effects, dependence and w/d.  They should also be the ones helping patients slowly taper off of the drug when and if that time comes.  I don't believe people currently on the drug should be ostracized and lose their jobs like in my crazy day dream.  It was half rational and half crazy.  It was acute K w/d.

 

Well I return to work Monday.  I hope the majority of my acute w/d symptoms are curbed by then. 

 

Be well everyone - especially those recovering from Sandy (and recovering from benzo w/d).

 

brian

[[re...]]

Hi, all - It's good to hear from you, Brian, and know that you're OK, not submerged, like so much of the city--the footage we're seeing is appalling.  And yes, more regulation on benzos sounds, in principle, like SUCH a good idea.  Meanwhile, keep up the good fight, and best of luck with getting back to work.

 

Jax, you are so tuned-in to what people are going through in the aftermath of this storm--it's crucial, though, to keep taking care of yourself.  Remember one of the meditation teachings (loving kindness) that we have to start by being good to ourselves in order to do more effective good for others.  Please, please take care!

 

Everyone take care -

 

Rek

[[br...]]

Thanks Rek and Jax for keeping K-Klub alive and pumping with positive energy.  Take care of yourselves too.

 

brian

[[ja...]]

Lizie & Rek (and all) - I know, I know, I know...I have to take care of myself first. It's a good thing and a fault that I care so much. So maybe some Ambien-free sleep will work.

 

Night, everyone!

[[Bo...]]

Totally losing it tonight.

 

Still can't find a job, out of money, can't pay CC bills this month, stuck in Brooklyn and can't get into Manhattan because the hurricane damage has put my subway line out of commission for months.

 

Almost out of K and can't get more because my doctor's office shut down (part of Manhattan with no power) and no return call from him.

 

Suicidal thoughts, and back in the grip of Dermatillomania (aka PSP aka CSP), which I haven't had in 20 or 30 years. I'm too ashamed to tell you what it actually is; but you can look it up on Wikipedia. It's a very unpleasant and disturbing behavior aspect. There's blood involved.

 

Spent the whole day applying for a job...seems like a total waste now.

 

I don't know how to do anything nice for myself.

 

Listening to Sunn 0))) (doom metal, frequently featuring vocals from guest vocalists who are people screaming from inside a locked casket, put in there not knowing it would be locked..."artistic license" on behalf of the band's members).

 

Agreed to babysit my neighbor's car, while he flies to Austria, which he does every month or so. Why am I helping someone famous who has a trust fund to boot when I'm 70K in debt, can't find a job, and want to kill myself? I never ask anyone for anything, except for maybe someone's last name or something occasionally, which they never respond to. Whereas I bend over backward for friends and neighbors who give me nothing and treat me like shit. I don't understand the world.

 

There is no emoticon available that accurately describes what I'm going through.

[[re...]]

BookLamp, this is awful--please try to hang on.  Is there anyone at all you can talk to in person, or at least on the phone?  As a last resort, would you consider a suicide hotline?  The tone of your message troubles me hugely, and yet I know it is fatuous to suggest that you "try to get a grip," or anything like that, because I know how little "grip" there is when you're in Klonopin free-fall.  It's the worst--yet so many of us here can testify that there's actually life after Klonopin, if you can somehow find your way through the darkness. 

 

On the more mundane level, I wish the person whose car you're looking after would pay you something for doing so--any chance of coming to any such arrangement?  It's not the same as having a job (and by the way the fact that you've been managing to keep looking for a job, DESPITE everything, is something you should give yourself lots of credit for, especially since having the hurricane mess to deal with on top of everything else sure doesn't help.

 

Please, I'm just pleading with you, if it's possible for you to find someone who can just let you vent, or whatever--if this could help at all, please consider it!  We're here rooting for you, and I realize that knowing this can only take you just so far, but everyone wants you to be alive, and as well as you can be under the circumstances, better as time goes by.  Please just hang on!

 

Rek 

[[Bo...]]

Wow. I expected a response from at least one person here, but I guess I don't deserve it; or maybe you all hate me because I haven't posted or responded in days.

 

There's actually a legit reason for that: the hurricane hit my place with 100 m.p.h. winds, and during it the purple flashes all over NYC were exploding transformers and hot electrical lines, scaring the H out of us. Plus having fear of wind is a big liability and very traumatic during hurricanes.

 

But thats ok. i'm learning to live without friends or support; no need for you to respond to my posts.

 

You probably think I'm a slacker that doesn't want to get better. Not true. I spent 10 hours today writing deliverables for a job listing I'm applying for that I really want.

 

I see that someone just responded. I haven't read your response yet, but thank you; that is very kind.

 

Cant cope or type anymore. GF is making dinner for me, thats something.

 

BL

[[li...]]

Dear Booklamp,

 

I am concerned about you ................ like Rek asked, is there anyone you can contact? 

 

A forum can only do so much, but I want you to know how valued you are by all of us.

 

Hang in there, buddy.     

 

Lizie 

 

 

[[Ge...]]

BookLamp, please do call a suicide hotline if you're troubled by thoughts of self-harm.  I can't imagine the stress of living with the aftermath of that awful storm on top of everything else; I really hope you'll be okay.  Praying for you.

[[pi...]]

Totally losing it tonight.

 

Still can't find a job, out of money, can't pay CC bills this month, stuck in Brooklyn and can't get into Manhattan because the hurricane damage has put my subway line out of commission for months.

 

Almost out of K and can't get more because my doctor's office shut down (part of Manhattan with no power) and no return call from him.

 

Suicidal thoughts, and back in the grip of Dermatillomania (aka PSP aka CSP), which I haven't had in 20 or 30 years. I'm too ashamed to tell you what it actually is; but you can look it up on Wikipedia. It's a very unpleasant and disturbing behavior aspect. There's blood involved.

 

Spent the whole day applying for a job...seems like a total waste now.

 

I don't know how to do anything nice for myself.

 

Listening to Sunn 0))) (doom metal, frequently featuring vocals from guest vocalists who are people screaming from inside a locked casket, put in there not knowing it would be locked..."artistic license" on behalf of the band's members).

 

Agreed to babysit my neighbor's car, while he flies to Austria, which he does every month or so. Why am I helping someone famous who has a trust fund to boot when I'm 70K in debt, can't find a job, and want to kill myself? I never ask anyone for anything, except for maybe someone's last name or something occasionally, which they never respond to. Whereas I bend over backward for friends and neighbors who give me nothing and treat me like shit. I don't understand the world.

 

There is no emoticon available that accurately describes what I'm going through.

 

 

BookLamp,

 

I am so sorry you feel so isolated and being in the midst of the hurricane damage does not help matters at all.  Sometimes these dedicated threads don't get as much attention so it's not that we don't care or aren't concerned. 

 

Please get some help, some face to face help with your suicidal and self harm thoughts.  While these feelings can happen during withdawal, it is beyond the scope of an internet fortum to deal with these issues. We care, and we care a lot, that is why we would like you to get help. Please call someone to be with you, call a help line or go to the ER.

 

No one hates you or thinks you are a slacker. We all know very well how difficult this process is.  Keep posting here and you will find so many who are worried about you and want you to be safe.

 

I am worried about you. I want you to be safe.

 

Please continue to call your doctor concerning the fact that you are almost out of Klonopin.  I would not want to see you forced into a cold turkey because of the lack of medication.  You can also talk to the doctors at the er about this.

 

Know that you are not alone and we will be here for you.  Let us know how you are doing and if you are able to get some real time, face to face help.

 

Suicide, Self-Harm & Threatening Behaviour

 

pianogirl