The Long Hold Support Group

[[Tr...]]

Ok so before I go to breakfast I have a bit of a rant :tickedoff: my Dr didn't call in my Rx 😤.. my daughter in law who used to work for him said she heard that the other day working with him quit and he's handling all the patient load. She also said he brings his computer home with him on the weekend and it's possible he will call in my Rx from home. Do we'll see 🤬.. if not I'm calling on Monday but how do I say I got by over there weekend?? He doesn't know I stash in case the benzo apocolypse happens! Uhgggg.. all I can say is MAMA MIA, MAMA MIA, MAMA MIA!!! 

 

Love to all be back later tonight East coast time ❤️

TT and majorly ticked off!

[[Ol...]]

Trishy 😱😱 ok, I bet he knows that you keep a few days worth at least. Here’s what I would do, email him and tell him that you are very stressed and scared because you only have 2 more days worth. If he is behind on work I bet he is checking his email.

Mama Mia!!!!!!! Did abba coin it it was it QUEEN?

[[Ma...]]

I updosed 3.5 months ago nov 3 after a crash. I added .75 to a 2 mg dose. Dec I saw improvements with symptoms, especially sleep. Since Jan. I have gotten worse. Major sleep deprivation, terror, dp, si non functional . Almost updosed yesterday. Could I have reached tolerance from the new dose? I desperately don’t want to updose. Since I’m getting worse, does this mean the hold is failing? Should I updose?

[[Me...]]

Good morning all -

Trishy- i remember that Budweiser commercial with the Clydesdale horses 🐎.  I am sorry you had a rough night with them barreling down on you.  It’s amazing what our bodies do.  But my hat goes off to you for getting out today and living your life regardless.  And yes, screw the taper for now.  Maybe after last night the “taper gods” were telling you to hold for a bit and it’s not quite the right time.  I know how you feel about refills. I have my Dr’s cellphone text number as she is private practice and I usually send her a text.  She is pretty good about responding.  But I do have that fear of “getting fired” because in my “mind reading” head I feel like she thinks “she’s got to go faster on this taper.”

 

Hi Stut- thank you as always for your love.  I never even thought abou ABBA last night.  Oh my, Mama Mia.  Last night Was fun talking about music and US weather events.  😂. 

 

Magnolis- I’m so sorry you are having a hard time.  I wish I could lend you some wisdom of what to do.  I updosed back to 5mg from 4.5mg of V in early January after trying to do a single 10% dry cut (at once) but now have changed to dmt and got down to 4.75mg as of yesterday.  I’m holding now for a bit.  I don’t know enough about updosing.  I just knew I personally had to as cut and holds don’t work for me any more. The traditional one cut and then hold for two weeks then another big cut.  I just hope you feel better. 

 

Today I’m not feeling like being a contrary action warrior.  Meaning I don’t want to leave my house.  But I really am dying to see 1917 and it’s still in the movie theater.  I’m afraid it might be too loud as movies are.  And the thing about LA is there are too many damn people and it’s loud with traffic and lots of frantic people everywhere. Maybe I’ll just go for a short walk and then sit in a quiet park for a few hours listening to birds and soaking up some sun. 

 

My rock and girls I love you. Last night I as “wicked” fun.  I still can’t imagine shoveling snow off a roof.  Olive - hope you are enjoying the ocean and fresh ocean air in Santa Cruz.  Say hi for me to the beauty. B

 

Mary- where are you? 

 

Meems 💕

[[Ol...]]

Here you go Meems!

 

 

This is the only dog beach in Santa Cruz. There were sooooo many dogs running around yesterday!

[[Me...]]

omg Olive!  Thank you 🙏!  I miss it. The water is so healing but very cold in Northern California. An energy healer told me that the water cleanses all the negative energy our body stores.  Yes you all I know that sounds so hippie dippy California. But hey, whatever works? Right?  If I were there, I’d be there in a hot second.  I remember Santa Cruz had dogs 🐕 that could go one the beach.  I used to ride my bike or walk all along the cliff.  Enjoy the beautiful day.  What a gift! 

[[va...]]

Ok so before I go to breakfast I have a bit of a rant :tickedoff: my Dr didn't call in my Rx 😤.. my daughter in law who used to work for him said she heard that the other day working with him quit and he's handling all the patient load. She also said he brings his computer home with him on the weekend and it's possible he will call in my Rx from home. Do we'll see 🤬.. if not I'm calling on Monday but how do I say I got by over there weekend?? He doesn't know I stash in case the benzo apocolypse happens! Uhgggg.. all I can say is MAMA MIA, MAMA MIA, MAMA MIA!!! 

 

Love to all be back later tonight East coast time ❤️

TT and majorly ticked off!

 

Trishy I hope you get that prescription filled soon and I'm so glad we all have some stash.

 

Hi everyone. I'm laying low but thinking of you people. I'm just holding probably forever so I don't see the point of telling you this every day. Plus, my neck, shoulders and arms are really hurting. So many months of typing are taking their toll. I have this condition since my thirties and typing makes it worse. And typing on the cellphone even worse. So anyway. I hope everyone keeps getting better and better. Have a nice weekend.

[[De...]]

Haha stut! I didnr even think of Abba! That is what we looked like  oh we had wicked fun.lat night talking about our favorite rock and roll bands!  Have a nice weekend! Hope all is well love you Suzy

[[Ma...]]

I just need to know if getting worse after improving during a long hold is ok and doesn’t require action. Has this happened to anyone? It seems most people stay the same or slowly get better. Has anyone gotten worse? Should I just do nothing?

[[De...]]

Mama Mia!

I am so sorry your night was bad  I was sweatring thete for a while and it stopped. Still get the heart palps and inner vibrations.  Hope you day is going ok and your sx got better. I think i notice them more when i slerp or wake upm who kmows why! Rock on sista ly dd

[[De...]]

Hi Meems,

Oh that was soo fun last night. Love talking about our favorite bands and memories! Natbe later if we all feel well enough we we can ralk about our wicked favorite bands!! Ahaaa. Sorry tou are feeling low today. If you have to just take it easy! Ly dd

[[De...]]

Hi ok, what a beutiful beach.  I eould love walking thete. Its gorgeous. Naybe someday i will make it out to California!! Ly dd

[[De...]]

Hi mags, u am sorry you have not stabilized yet. From hearing other people it can take a bit linger after a crash. Maybe put it out on the main board  and get some more opinions. Trishy msy know. She will probably pop in here later. I hope you feel betyer soon. I understand, its so hard to know what to do. ❤❤

 

[[Me...]]

Yes DD, That was fun about our favorite bands.  A blast from the past.  Our little Friday night party!  Hey, distraction is key, right?  Nothing like stories about Being stoned back in the day and rocking out to Free Bird!  Ha.  forgot to tell you about the date I went on back in the early 90s where me and my boyfriend smoked a joint before going in to the Led Zeppelin laser light show at the planetarium 🪐.  Ha ha ha ha. 

 

I may just take it easy today but I do have to get out.  Maybe just a walk around the block.  The movies might be too much stimulation. 

 

Love,

Meems

[[va...]]

I just need to know if getting worse after improving during a long hold is ok and doesn’t require action. Has this happened to anyone? It seems most people stay the same or slowly get better. Has anyone gotten worse? Should I just do nothing?

 

Magnolis, I sometimes think I'm better and then BAM, I'm worse again. I hate it so much. I don't know how bad you're feeling. We can't know other's symptoms. I wouldn't updose further. I'd try the trazodone for sleep but that's just me. I'm saying this because I saw you asking in the updose group. I hope you get better again.

[[Ma...]]

Thanks Val

I know you’ve been saying hold, don’t change anything.  Your words are in my mind constantly. Sleep anxiety is what got me on benzos . I had one of those terror freak outs yesterday when I got only a few hours of sleep again. Today I’m wiped out from the stress. I take 130mg of trazadone and it doesn’t solve this. when I wake up after a few hours, can’t get back to sleep. I pray the pattern changes.

[[De...]]

Meems, that was so much fun. Friday party nightly oh, I would have loved to see led Zepoelin. Man

[[va...]]

Magnolis how many hours sleep? In summer I slept zero many nights so if it's three, four hours some nights, you'll be OK. I moved to the living room and had the TV on all night. I know it doesn't sound great but what can we do? I always mention the hydroxicine. It's an antihistamínic and makes you drowsy. I take it when I'm going through a bad period of stress. It helps and it's not addictive like the other drugs we're taking. My psychiatrist prescribed it for waves, crises etc. Well, when I crashed I took many every single day. Now I take one every once in a while.

[[va...]]

Magnolis did you have a stressful situation? When I go through more stress, my waves get more intense.

[[Ma...]]

Yes.  This sleep deprivation used to be a few times a week. I found that when something triggered the fight or flight during the day, a control in my brain wouldn’t let me sleep. So I stopped talking on the phone until last Monday. I picked up the call .My son started with the this has gone on too long, who are your drs? Maybe you need to switch ad. That triggered massive fear and I’ve been f.    Ever since.

[[Me...]]

So sorry to hear that Margolis.  I had to deactivate my FB account for the stress it was causing me.  I started getting into fights with people about politics (lost two nights of sleep as someone threatened me) and also I couldn’t handle how everyone looked so happy while I am suffering.  Family is a huge trigger for me. .  I live with my elderly mom (she’s almost 90) who is sick and she is a narcissist.  And she doesn’t care about what I’m going through and have gone through my adult life being a recovering alcoholic, etc.  I told her I didn’t think I was going to be able to go to my uncles funeral and she yelled at me and said “omg when are you going to get over this.  You’re ruining everything.”  This was right before my 5 month hold in August. I was triggered with massive guilt and resentment.  Sometimes I think how in the F am I going to finish my taper while she is still alive.  So anyways, for me, I have to take stress into consideration.  Even though it’s constant.  Boundaries are so important with family.  I’ve had to tell my sister “no” on many occasions as I’ve seem to be the “caretaker” in the family.  Ugh.  I’m so sorry you’ve been F’d up since the conversation with your son. Try and get centered. 

LY,

Meems💕

[[Me...]]

I made it out of the house!  I took a walk around the block.  Went to the park and laid on my blanket for about an hour.  Now I’m sitting in my car with windows rolled down and listening to the breeze.  It’s so quiet.  It’s a wonder what getting out does for the soul!  I don’t think I could have handled the movies today. 

Meems. 

[[Tr...]]

Olive, DD, Meems, VNM, thank you for responding to my MAMA MIA'S! Looks like I'm just screwed until Monday, just goes to show you that everyone needs a stash bc to put it bluntly shit happens, and it happened to me this weekend and I was going off the rails on the crazy train ( Ozzie Osborne) had to throw that in there  :laugh:

Anywho, my rocker chic's last night was so much fun! I have more stories about my good ol days so we'll have to get together later and share girls

Love you ladies!

Trishy 🎸🥁🤘

 

Mags,

I'm gonna post to you my thoughts on your question on a new post.

[[Tr...]]

So mags this has happened to me. I was confident that I was better and doing well and the ax came down. Actually I'm going through it now. I thought I was going to make a cut today after 6 weeks of holding and doing well.. Until I wasn't doing well, that is intrusive thoughts set in, racing heart last night, wicked hot flashes..etc.

So, it is very common in bwd to feel like your on the other side of the worst of it feeling good and then bam you're back into it again. I'm sure if you search around BB you'll find others that this has happened too. Benzos have this weird creepy lag time. So in my opinion I think it's still wd that you're dealing with. Just hold don't make any cuts and give it some more time but this has happened to me more than once.

Hang in there mags I know this really sucks but holding until you feel well again is best imo.

Trishy ❤️

[[Ma...]]

Thank you Trishy