12-24 months and up support group

[[le...]]

Still feel pretty crook, has racked up anxiety. Feel so low again, like I’ll never be free of the anxiety. Got sore throat as well, done Covid test all clear. Think must be a virus. Feel like been run over by a bus, ache all over, nauseous. Managed  to get to visit my husband’s cousin today, but feel exhausted now. Think was kidding myself I was improving, and so so hot here.So had enough being kicked back down again. Hope you are all doing OK, especially Bess, you really deserve a break, and Lady Den, I know only too well how family problems screw us up, hope they soon resolve. Now flopped out on settee please give me a break from this for more than couple days, what in God’s name else do I need to do to get my life back😢

 

 

 

[[Th...]]

Bess

 

I know where you are and I am so sorry. I've been there. It felt like everything that was me was stripped away and I was a scared shell. I was terrified and did thing that were not me because my brain decided that. I felt truly crazy and could not connect or converse with the world.

 

You are still a person. You are a person going through a bad time. You are not crazy, it is not your fault. You won't feel like that but you have to remember that logically. I told told my partner over and over again. I am not a person, I am not me. I am crazy.

 

We need people to believe in us when we can't.

So I am going to believe in you.

 

I am going to believe you will get through this, even if you have to keep posting scared or panicked messages here. You will do what you need to do.

[[Li...]]

Hello to all my beautiful buddies,

 

JBen,

It's been horrific. Thank you for asking about me, I appreciate it. Hoping a corner will be turned very soon.

 

Bess,

I'm so sorry you're still suffering so much. We're all here for you sending you warm love and healing hugs.

 

LadyDen,

Love the illustration about the tunnel, it is so fitting. I also appreciate the encouraging words that I could be turning a corner soon. I do keep holding on to that thought. So hoping for myself and everyone here.

 

Lisa,

Congratulations on hitting the 28th month mark I've heard a lot of healing happens by month 24 and month 30, so the next 2 months could become really great for you! But hopefully sooner rather than later you will get through this and be stronger and better than ever.

 

Leann,

I'm so sorry that you got some kind of bug or virus. I'm hoping you're going to be feeling better asap. Maybe you'll even find a better baseline once you get through this. Sure hoping for the best for you.

 

Hugs to all!

 

LiveLife

[[Be...]]

Hello to all my beautiful buddies,

 

JBen,

It's been horrific. Thank you for asking about me, I appreciate it. Hoping a corner will be turned very soon.

 

Bess,

I'm so sorry you're still suffering so much. We're all here for you sending you warm love and healing hugs.

 

LadyDen,

Love the illustration about the tunnel, it is so fitting. I also appreciate the encouraging words that I could be turning a corner soon. I do keep holding on to that thought. So hoping for myself and everyone here.

 

Lisa,

Congratulations on hitting the 28th month mark I've heard a lot of healing happens by month 24 and month 30, so the next 2 months could become really great for you! But hopefully sooner rather than later you will get through this and be stronger and better than ever.

 

Leann,

I'm so sorry that you got some kind of bug or virus. I'm hoping you're going to be feeling better asap. Maybe you'll even find a better baseline once you get through this. Sure hoping for the best for you.

 

Hugs to all!

 

LiveLife

 

Thanks so much - I really appreciate it - it’s not being able to distract much that is killing me. My gosh before I hit my head I had it good - don’t hit your head in BWD - it’s hell! I hope you are doing ok xx

[[Be...]]

Still feel pretty crook, has racked up anxiety. Feel so low again, like I’ll never be free of the anxiety. Got sore throat as well, done Covid test all clear. Think must be a virus. Feel like been run over by a bus, ache all over, nauseous. Managed  to get to visit my husband’s cousin today, but feel exhausted now. Think was kidding myself I was improving, and so so hot here.So had enough being kicked back down again. Hope you are all doing OK, especially Bess, you really deserve a break, and Lady Den, I know only too well how family problems screw us up, hope they soon resolve. Now flopped out on settee please give me a break from this for more than couple days, what in God’s name else do I need to do to get my life back😢

 

Thanks lovely.  Be careful with what you say to god - trust me - o said similar things & then hit my head - I wash I had’ve been more grateful- then maybe god wouldn’t have slammed me so so hard.  Enjoy what you have lovely - because it can all go on an instant.  Big love to you xxx

[[Be...]]

Bess

 

I know where you are and I am so sorry. I've been there. It felt like everything that was me was stripped away and I was a scared shell. I was terrified and did thing that were not me because my brain decided that. I felt truly crazy and could not connect or converse with the world.

 

You are still a person. You are a person going through a bad time. You are not crazy, it is not your fault. You won't feel like that but you have to remember that logically. I told told my partner over and over again. I am not a person, I am not me. I am crazy.

 

We need people to believe in us when we can't.

So I am going to believe in you.

 

I am going to believe you will get through this, even if you have to keep posting scared or panicked messages here. You will do what you need to do.

 

Thanks lovely - I’m absolutely petrified that this is it for me. I have to get better. I’m driving again but for short distances, I just went to the pharmacy which is a big win for me,  not being able to distract us killing me but I’m determined to get better, I just wish I’d never hit my head, lord knows what getting off the Olanzapine will be like but I didn’t have a choice - it was literally my life if you know what I mean.  Have you been on Olanzapine? My psych wants to try epilum - I’m literally up for anything if makes me functional again.  Do you find the lyrics or the gabapentin more beneficial for anxiety? I hope your day is going ok,  xx

[[La...]]

Still feel pretty crook, has racked up anxiety. Feel so low again, like I’ll never be free of the anxiety. Got sore throat as well, done Covid test all clear. Think must be a virus. Feel like been run over by a bus, ache all over, nauseous. Managed  to get to visit my husband’s cousin today, but feel exhausted now. Think was kidding myself I was improving, and so so hot here.So had enough being kicked back down again. Hope you are all doing OK, especially Bess, you really deserve a break, and Lady Den, I know only too well how family problems screw us up, hope they soon resolve. Now flopped out on settee please give me a break from this for more than couple days, what in God’s name else do I need to do to get my life back😢

I really hate to hear you being so miserable. Maybe you have some virus that has revved up your symptoms. If that’s the case, in a few days when it starts going away you will feel better. It’s good COVID test was clear. I don’t think you were kidding yourself by feeling positive about your recent improvements. That is a good thing especially after having prolonged symptoms that you’ve had. Please hold on to your hope that if you felt better just days ago then you will again. Your body showed you that it knows how to get there. When we are thrown back into feeling bad, it’s common to let it get us down. We immediately start questioning or doubting our healing. We all do that. The harder the slam the more we think that, right? But, I often stop that thinking in its tracks by remembering that I’ve felt that way before. I start remembering my windows that was once only an hour at best but now a day or two…sometimes 3. Leann you just had that so you will again. Don’t lose hope. Big hugs.🤗

[[Pa...]]

The head pain has been getting real bad, worst it has been in my 17 months. It's always darkest just before the dawn? Or so I pray.

[[de...]]

Hey friends!   

 

Pashu:  So sorry the head pressure is intensifying.  Hang on tight!

 

Bess:  Thinking about you.  Hopefully you are having a decent day.    It sounds like your determination to get better is strong.  That is a good thing!!!

 

I am not sure if it is against BenzoBuddies rules, but I just read a book that I highly recommend.  "The Waiting Room:  My Journey from Medication Injury and Benzodiazepine Withdrawal".  Written by Jennifer Swantkowski, PhD.  She is familiar to many on this forum.  The book will resonate with everyone that has been injured by benzodiazepines.  It tells of her harrowing experience and gives lots of practical ways to survive this ordeal.  It is an easy read and is not triggering (or at least it wasn't for me).  It just came out in June. 

 

 

 

[[He...]]

Decatur,

 

I'm one of the ones who watches Jennifer's videos and follows her on Instagram. I was consider purchasing the book and thanks to your recommendation, I will!

 

Thank you,

Helen

 

[[Ga...]]

Good afternoon buddies!  I feel for those of us waving about as we keep holding on for relief and an end game date.

 

I am having some major GI issues which I will address at my Gastro PA appointment tomorrow, which I scheduled at least three months ago.  GI doctors are really under the gun here with all the backlog from the Covid mess.  She wanted to do a sibo test last January, but I was feeling better and did not make an appointment for it.  She is very thorough and is very aware of the benzo issues I have been dealing with.  The last time I met with my most favored GI doctor (and not the PA) as he left the room he turned around and said, “get off the Valium”.  So this was quite some time ago as my last Valium was March of 2020. 

 

Leann, I have often had the benzo flu and I have the same symptoms as I do with the regular flu, except I do not throw up.  I never run a fever but do sweat profusely with both benzo flu and regular flu.  It seems that when my gut is off, I feel more flu-like.  I ate some packaged potato rounds last night, and have not felt well since.  I read the ingredients this morning and listed as one ingredient is cumin, which I had issues with before.  So I don’t know and will probably never know whether that brought on this bad wave today.

 

LiveLife, you should turn a corner soon as you have so many buddies pulling for you….heck we are all pushing you toward a lovely window and will pull you through to the other side!  Hang on sweet LL!!!!

 

Bess, you know I care about you and am always here for you!  I also hit my head and that one bang to my forehead had me start down the slippery slope of a bad Valium withdrawal.  My head is a lot better now, so if I can get the gut fixed up, I will be one happy camper.

 

For all of those with head pressure issues, this was my worst and longest lasting symptom….it has gotten so much better, so hang on.

 

Hugs,

 

GG

 

 

[[Be...]]

Good afternoon buddies!  I feel for those of us waving about as we keep holding on for relief and an end game date.

 

I am having some major GI issues which I will address at my Gastro PA appointment tomorrow, which I scheduled at least three months ago.  GI doctors are really under the gun here with all the backlog from the Covid mess.  She wanted to do a sibo test last January, but I was feeling better and did not make an appointment for it.  She is very thorough and is very aware of the benzo issues I have been dealing with.  The last time I met with my most favored GI doctor (and not the PA) as he left the room he turned around and said, “get off the Valium”.  So this was quite some time ago as my last Valium was March of 2020. 

 

Leann, I have often had the benzo flu and I have the same symptoms as I do with the regular flu, except I do not throw up.  I never run a fever but do sweat profusely with both benzo flu and regular flu.  It seems that when my gut is off, I feel more flu-like.  I ate some packaged potato rounds last night, and have not felt well since.  I read the ingredients this morning and listed as one ingredient is cumin, which I had issues with before.  So I don’t know and will probably never know whether that brought on this bad wave today.

 

LiveLife, you should turn a corner soon as you have so many buddies pulling for you….heck we are all pushing you toward a lovely window and will pull you through to the other side!  Hang on sweet LL!!!!

 

Bess, you know I care about you and am always here for you!  I also hit my head and that one bang to my forehead had me start down the slippery slope of a bad Valium withdrawal.  My head is a lot better now, so if I can get the gut fixed up, I will be one happy camper.

 

For all of those with head pressure issues, this was my worst and longest lasting symptom….it has gotten so much better, so hang on.

 

Hugs,

 

GG

 

Thanks lovely,  Im so grateful for your help - thank you.  I’m fighting admitting myself to a psych ward.  I’m beyond bad,  My mood swings are giant & fast. I had no choice but to go on zyprexa.  I have no idea now what is BWD & what is Brain injury.  Thank you for your kind words. I hope your GI issues clear up pronto.  Big love to you xxx

[[Be...]]

Bess my heart goes out to you. I hope the doctor can give you some relief with something that won’t make you worse when you come off it. All you can do is take one day at a time. A little trust that you will be ok goes a long way. Hope you have better days to come as you stabilize. We are glad to see you here again. We love and care! 🌹

 

Leann I hated reading your report after you’ve been feeling better lately. I’m not sure if it’s benzo flu or not. It could be. Could be something you ate while visiting your friend? Perhaps just stay hydrated and eat light on the tummy foods such as crackers or salads for a couple of days to see if it runs it’s course. If it gets worse to where you can’t eat or diarrhea is bad then a doctor visit to rule out a virus or food borne illness would be ideal. Hope you bounce back soon. ❤️

 

Live I hope you turn a corner soon too. I’m expecting that any day now for you. You’re in my thoughts sweetie. Hope you’re taking extra good care of yourself. Thank you for the lovely posts. Love and hugs 🤗❤️

 

Helen I’m wondering where you are? I hope you’re doing ok. Since you joined us you haven’t posted much. Hope to see you check in soon. We’d love to hear from you. Love to you ❤️

 

To anyone in the shadows just reading for encouragement please know that you are not alone. If you’re hesitant to join for whatever reason that’s ok. But I’d like to extend the invitation if you’re in need of support. Thank God that none of us connected here have to go through this alone. We have each other daily. We have God as our healer. We thank him for putting it on the heart of Colin to start this forum. It has saved many lives! Believe in your healing and you will see it. Cry, scream, yell, kick, throw something….but keep going! It is so hard to see in the dark of this but there is a light ahead. Let your weeks add up then you’ll see a tiny speck of light as you crawl back to normalcy. Keep going then that light will get brighter and brighter until you are standing in it….healed and free! Never to go back into that darkness again. Imagine yourself walking through a dark long tunnel. Imagine that tiny light at the end of it. Now walk towards it! You might fall down. You might have to sit down for a minute. That’s ok. Just get up and keep walking. You might have been walking awhile and that speck of light isn’t getting brighter yet…. It will. Don’t give up! That tunnel was just longer than you thought. You can make it!

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️👍🏼

 

Thanks so much.  Me too lovely - me too.  I had no choice but to go on the zyprexa - I go back

To the psych at 2.30 today - May rhengood lord help

Me xxx

[[le...]]

Need a hug guys having a pity party today. The physical symptoms of virus have lifted but has shot the anxiety through roof again. Sitting in my garden in sweltering temperatures under gazebo sobbing because think I never going be free of this. Think what set it off was talking to neighbours coming back from shops just been to Canada , were there for Canada day. Years ago we did trip there, and were there for Canada day. Thinking that was a different lifetime ago , can’t even go out fir the day here now, I really wish I had your faith Lady Den, I do believe but struggling with it at the moment. Hate myself for ever taking those bl**dy pills. Sorry the miserable, moaning Leann has reappeared again😢

 

[[La...]]

Leann hugs are plenty here. My pleasure to give as many as you need my friend 

 

GG best wishes on your trip to the doctor. I hope she can shed some light and also you get relief from your GI issues. It could be WD circling back around or a combination of the antibiotics have caught up to you. It’s not unheard of for antibiotics to delay causing tummy issues. Feel better soon. Hugs

 

Live we are definitely sending turn that corner wishes your way as GG said. You are strong! I know you can make it. Hugs to you too.

 

Helen how are you doing? You’ve been awfully quiet. Have you been enjoying outside or is it too hot? Hugs

 

Bess today is another day you made it! Hugs

 

Pashu sending you feel better wishes and hugs. Hope your day is better.

 

Deanna hugs to you. Sending happy healing wishes. Hope you’re making progress.

 

Decatur hope you are having better days. Hugs to you my friend.

 

JBen you’re in my thoughts. Hope you turned a corner. Hugs.

[[de...]]

Leeann:  Keep putting one foot in front of the other!!! I know it is discouraging, but you are healing!  You are getting better!  The good days will return! 

 

Bess:  Please let us know how your doctor's appointment went.  Hope you are having a better day today!

 

I am having a pretty rough go myself!!!  Hanging on by a thread!  My anxiety is through the roof!! 

 

Much love to everyone!!! 

[[De...]]

Hey Leann - a virus really messes with our homeostasis!  It has been more than a month since I came down with COVID and just now feeling like back to baseline.  You will get there after this wave settles.  Thinking of you!

[[le...]]

Hope so, don’t feel like I want to go on at moment, don’t worry wouldn’t ever do anything, just so exhausted of this, just want bit of my life back? The heat is unbearable here so not eating either.

[[De...]]

I've noticed the heat really taxes the body too.  After a long day in the heat and humidity I feel drained and exhausted.  That's very normal.

 

 

[[He...]]

Leann, the heat in Europe and the UK is all over the news here in the US.  We're hot too but we have air con. I'm sorry you're suffering with intense heat while you have a virus. I bet you feel better when you get over the bug and better weather comes.  Hang on.

 

[[Li...]]

Pashu,

I sure hope that the head pressure settles down soon. Like you said it's darkest before the dawn. So let's hope it's the worse before it gets better.

 

Bess,

If you go to a psych just be careful that they don't overmedicate you. If you're doing okay right now on the olanzapine maybe you should just work with that for a while and try to see if it can help you get through. I know they have a tendency to want to throw a lot of medication at people. I know how hard it is to not be able to distract when you're feeling so awful. At times we feel desperate and would do anything but we just have to make sure not to do anything to make our situation worse. I hope your doctor is benzo wise.

 

Leann,

I was hoping you would be doing better, but I'm sure soon things well improve. And after the last bout you went through things got much better. So hoping that's going to happen for you again.

 

Lisa,

I'm sorry to hear you're still in that wave. Hopefully you're going to be surfing to shore soon.

 

GG,

Hoping this GI issues get resolved for you very soon. It's possible you just need a probiotic or something to help you because of being on those antibiotics they can really throw the gut Flora off. Let us know what your doctor says. And thank you so much for the well wishes I'm still waiting to turn a corner, trying to hang on.

 

LadyDen,

Thank you for the encouraging words I sure hope I do turn a corner tomorrow. Every night I go to bed I keep praying for that. It's really been hard to hang on. It's unbelievable what this can do to you for untold lengths of time. How have you been doing? Is your wave getting any easier?

 

Sending warm love and healing hugs to all my benzo buddies!

 

LiveLife

[[le...]]

Leann, the heat in Europe and the UK is all over the news here in the US.  We're hot too but we have air con. I'm sorry you're suffering with intense heat while you have a virus. I bet you feel better when you get over the bug and better weather comes.  Hang on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes was just reading intense heat can give you bad mental symptoms. Think sent me into acute again. Meant be over 100 today was about 70 overnight. We don’t have air con and high humidity. Barely eating just ice lollies. Feels like hell temperature wise and mentally. Beam me up Scotty  now. My husband Star Trek Fan!

 

[[de...]]

LIveLIfe:  How are you doing these days??? 

[[De...]]

Good afternoon buddies!  I feel for those of us waving about as we keep holding on for relief and an end game date.

 

I am having some major GI issues which I will address at my Gastro PA appointment tomorrow, which I scheduled at least three months ago.  GI doctors are really under the gun here with all the backlog from the Covid mess.  She wanted to do a sibo test last January, but I was feeling better and did not make an appointment for it.  She is very thorough and is very aware of the benzo issues I have been dealing with.  The last time I met with my most favored GI doctor (and not the PA) as he left the room he turned around and said, “get off the Valium”.  So this was quite some time ago as my last Valium was March of 2020. 

 

Leann, I have often had the benzo flu and I have the same symptoms as I do with the regular flu, except I do not throw up.  I never run a fever but do sweat profusely with both benzo flu and regular flu.  It seems that when my gut is off, I feel more flu-like.  I ate some packaged potato rounds last night, and have not felt well since.  I read the ingredients this morning and listed as one ingredient is cumin, which I had issues with before.  So I don’t know and will probably never know whether that brought on this bad wave today.

 

LiveLife, you should turn a corner soon as you have so many buddies pulling for you….heck we are all pushing you toward a lovely window and will pull you through to the other side!  Hang on sweet LL!!!!

 

Bess, you know I care about you and am always here for you!  I also hit my head and that one bang to my forehead had me start down the slippery slope of a bad Valium withdrawal.  My head is a lot better now, so if I can get the gut fixed up, I will be one happy camper.

 

For all of those with head pressure issues, this was my worst and longest lasting symptom….it has gotten so much better, so hang on.

 

Hugs,

 

GG

 

GG how are you feeling today?  What did the GI doc have to say on the matter?

Wishing you your open window!!!!

[[De...]]

Leann, the heat in Europe and the UK is all over the news here in the US.  We're hot too but we have air con. I'm sorry you're suffering with intense heat while you have a virus. I bet you feel better when you get over the bug and better weather comes.  Hang on.

 

 

I'm a Star Trek fan too! Yes beam us outta here INDEED!

Does he like Dr. Who??  Was thinking of digging into that show.

 

For what it's worth I am doing better physically, but I think I'm having mental issues.  Was having a bit of cog fog yesterday doing financial chores which isn't so strange.  But later on during a videochat I was having with my husband and daughter I ended up in another spat with the both of them telling me I was being sensitive and that I was over-reacting to their comments.  Of course they were in alignment (again) and I felt like I was being gaslighted....like what the hell?  Then later during dinner my husband told me he was getting "concerned" that this has happened several times now.  I told him that I was merely expressing my feelings whether or not they were justified and that perhaps I was being sensitive and it's part of my withdrawal.  Then he tells me that I am always inward looking and that I shouldn't be so focused on my withdrawal all the time.  REALLY?!?!

 

SO right now feeling very emotional which is not really like me at all.  I'm otherwise feeling well which is really good for me.  I feel like if only I lived alone and could choose my personal interactions I could avoid all this.  I never thought I would utter these words but I wish I worked!  I'd be able to get out and socialize with others and get a break from the ground-hog day routine.  Maybe this is even pandemic related, IDK....Anyone relate?

 

Thanks everyone!  Hope this day brings a tiny bit of joy to each one of us....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes was just reading intense heat can give you bad mental symptoms. Think sent me into acute again. Meant be over 100 today was about 70 overnight. We don’t have air con and high humidity. Barely eating just ice lollies. Feels like hell temperature wise and mentally. Beam me up Scotty  now. My husband Star Trek Fan!