12-24 months and up support group

[[we...]]

oh goodness reading some of your symptoms really brought on memories. I have 13 months and god willing in May will have 20 years sober.

 

The worst symptom every day throughout this deal was I feel/ felt like I was chewing on glass. No other way to describe.

 

Alot of distraction and maintaining a busy work travel schedule. One huge thing I am getting back is an intense memory. I recall numbers and things very odd. I could have a conversation and a week later I can tell you last 4 digits of a phone number. I'm trying not to gauge any of this because I can be fetal position at 12 noon or cry from happiness, usually within the same 30 minute period, lol. What a ride.

 

Thank you all for giving me a place to feel not so alone, cause god knows most of my walk folks don't get it.

 

Hi Wester,

You have great courage and it sounds like you are doing better and better.

I understand that fetal position crying and despair; sometimes it’s all we can do. But it sounds like you are on you way. Congratulations on your sobriety too!!

You will find great support and kindness in this group.

Bless you!

 

 

Hello JordanJack, Helen and Pamster. Thank you for the kind words.

 

Pamster you were the first person to say hi to me when I found this site early last year. I have massive chunks of time and memory missing from the withdraw period and reading through my stuff on here what little I could say is painful. Much like the first year of sobriety learning to walk again. One thing I'm grateful for today is my recall from 20 years ago an old timer said to me "this can be the worst time of your life" meaning the withdraw and train wreck can be cleaned up, use your experience to learn and not do this again.

 

I'm technically challenged and having a tough time finding all the little tricks using this site. Ill get there...

[[Ha...]]

Oh I am so very sorry for everyone who is suffering so much. It’s so frustrating. We can only be patient and accept.

Friday, Saturday and Sunday were fantastic days. I felt pretty much normal and did some normal stuff, lovely.

Monday afternoon, I was watching tv and a wave of exhaustion hit me like a brick. I’ve been in bed ever since.

I guess I overdid the normal stuff.

Anyone else get these extreme and rapid windows and waves?

It makes me nervous to do anything normal at all.

I’m nearly one year off so I know it’s still early days but it’s so frustrating!

Love and hugs xx

[[Li...]]

Helen,

 

It's so encouraging to hear that you're doing as well as you are. I still look forward to that time.  Thank you for your kindness and consideration.

 

Jordan,

 

I sure hope we both catch a break very very soon we both really need it.

 

Hardy,

 

Those 3 days sound so wonderful. Good for you and such a beautiful window. I'm sure it will return. Sorry that you're suffering now.

 

Sending big hugs to all!

 

LiveLife

[[Ha...]]

Thank you LiveLife.

I should be grateful and appreciate those 3 days instead of being cross when they are gone!

Hardy xx

[[jo...]]

Hi everyone,

 

Hardy I’m so glad you’ve had some good days; more will be coming.

 

Livelife, yes, we truly do need a break. I pray you have a good day today and that your breakthrough is on the way.

 

I’m in a terrible state today; it seems the burning is just everywhere and spreading. It feels like someone is rubbing steel wool on my body and the acid burning through my brain and body is so bad ya’ll. It’s just unbearable pain. It feels like a blow torch against my head every day.

 

Almost 14 months of the relentless burning; very few windows, maybe an hour here and there.

At this point I wonder if the damage is permanent. I keep hoping for relief. I get triggered by posts I read that say some people don’t heal.

 

I’m so scared because it seems I’m doing worse. My body is just on fire and the anxiety is raging. How is it possible, as it seems like it’s been worse this way since I was severenced from my job 2 months ago. I’m just shaking in pain. Lord have mercy. 

 

I pray everyone is else doing better today.

Sending hugs to all. ❤️

[[Be...]]

JJ, hope you and I both feel better soon.  I can feel your pain.

[[La...]]

Oh I am so very sorry for everyone who is suffering so much. It’s so frustrating. We can only be patient and accept.

Friday, Saturday and Sunday were fantastic days. I felt pretty much normal and did some normal stuff, lovely.

Monday afternoon, I was watching tv and a wave of exhaustion hit me like a brick. I’ve been in bed ever since.

I guess I overdid the normal stuff.

Anyone else get these extreme and rapid windows and waves?

It makes me nervous to do anything normal at all.

I’m nearly one year off so I know it’s still early days but it’s so frustrating!

Love and hugs xx

Hardy, yes I had those times of rapid waves and windows in between. They’re part of the way this goes. I hated those because they hit me out of the blue right after I’ve been feeling decent for a bit. Those rapid cycles are common. Things will settle down again soon. The best part is after the cycle ends usually there’s nice windows.

Sending you my love ❤️🤗

[[La...]]

LadyDen

Thank you for your always kind words in this group.

As you are a year ahead of me - did you feel a lot of healing taking place in the last year?

Hugs, Jørgen

YEEZZZ! I am much improved compared to a year ago.

I can now walk without fear of falling down outside…and because of the balance is better I can walk longer and further. HUGE difference even from three months ago.

You’re welcome for my support. Keep hanging in there.

One more thing….my improvements were slow and gradual. They just suddenly started accumulating in a good way. One day I decided to push a little to see where I was. I was so happily surprised walking outside when I didn’t feel the ground trying to make me fall. It was heaven! Almost normal….so the next day I tried it again and same result. Now when I come back in, I do notice I’m more boaty for about an hour. But I don’t mind!

[[Ha...]]

Thanks LD. Appreciate your wise words. It helps to know that this is normal. This journey is not for the faint hearted!

It’s hard to crawl out of the bad times each time and then again…….and again…….

I so appreciate everyone here. This would be impossible without helping each other.

Hardy x

[[La...]]

Jordan,

 

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I read that too in Baylissas book.  She definitely got worse and then she improved so hopefully that will happen for us.

 

LadyDen,

 

Glad to hear that you're doing so much better and up and walking around outside. Keep moving forward. Happy for you!

 

Big hugs to all,

 

LiveLife

Hugs back at you and thank you!

Are you getting more windows? Are your windows better quality?

[[La...]]

Hello everyone,

 

I'm stopping by to send my best to all of you. I've tried to catch up and think I've read most of the comments. I'm still on vacation with my husband and having a really nice time! I haven't been on a vacation where I could do much of anything in YEARS.  I still can't do a ton of things but we are very much enjoying relaxing and being warm in January.  I feel so blessed and grateful. I was in a terrible weeks long wave right up until we departed and I think this trip has jolted something loose in a good way.  I'm still having symptoms but they are manageable. I'm enjoying almost all of it and like I said....this is a long time coming.  I think of all of you and hope everyone here feels stronger and more at home in their bodies and minds very soon. I'm well aware that I could go into another bad wave so I'm making sure to live in THIS moment and let it soak in .

 

  Lady Den, I'm SO happy you are doing better and getting over that virus.  You are emerging strong now and walking! Yay!

 

Jb, Jordan Jack, Live Life and others who are suffering deeply, you have my heart.  BOY, do I know how that feels. 

 

GG, I know you are probably not reading here but living your life and that makes me beam with joy.

 

Leann, I know you are tapering valium now and I hope only the best for you.  Sending hugs.

 

Pashu, thanks for the greetings and I hope you are experiencing some goodness in your journey.

 

Wester11, welcome to you and huge congratulations on your 13 months and your 20 years sober. That's amazing and you deserve all good things. This is a nice and supportive group here. 

 

Hardy, I'm so happy to read you were having a window and hoping it has stayed open for you. I'm always thinking of you.

 

Fire, you know I"m here for you too! 

 

Best to all and I'll check in again probably after our trip ends on Feb 4.

 

Hugs all around,

Helen

Wow what an awesome post! I’m so very happy that your symptoms are not keeping you from enjoying yourself. I’m just thrilled to hear this! We miss you and have a safe journey home!

Sending love and hugs and thank you for cheering me on.

🌹❤️

[[La...]]

oh goodness reading some of your symptoms really brought on memories. I have 13 months and god willing in May will have 20 years sober.

 

The worst symptom every day throughout this deal was I feel/ felt like I was chewing on glass. No other way to describe.

 

Alot of distraction and maintaining a busy work travel schedule. One huge thing I am getting back is an intense memory. I recall numbers and things very odd. I could have a conversation and a week later I can tell you last 4 digits of a phone number. I'm trying not to gauge any of this because I can be fetal position at 12 noon or cry from happiness, usually within the same 30 minute period, lol. What a ride.

 

Thank you all for giving me a place to feel not so alone, cause god knows most of my walk folks dont get it.

You’re so very welcome! Glad to have you with us! Keep believing in your healing. Time….in time you will heal.

[[La...]]

Thanks LD. Appreciate your wise words. It helps to know that this is normal. This journey is not for the faint hearted!

It’s hard to crawl out of the bad times each time and then again…….and again…….

I so appreciate everyone here. This would be impossible without helping each other.

Hardy x

I know! I’ve been there for a long time bed bound. So might I suggest you make the best of it. Fill your bed with things to do to keep your mind busy…puzzles, games, knitting, scrapbooking, reading, etc. I found it best to do things with my hands!

It’s a good time to pull out old photos and put the in an album. 

Big hugs and love!

Hang in there because you’re doing better than you realize. ❤️🌹

[[jo...]]

JJ, hope you and I both feel better soon.  I can feel your pain.

 

Thank you so much Becksblue. I pray we feel much better soon as well.

Big hugs! 🙏💕

[[Ga...]]

LadyDen

Thank you for your always kind words in this group.

As you are a year ahead of me - did you feel a lot of healing taking place in the last year?

Hugs, Jørgen

YEEZZZ! I am much improved compared to a year ago.

I can now walk without fear of falling down outside…and because of the balance is better I can walk longer and further. HUGE difference even from three months ago.

You’re welcome for my support. Keep hanging in there.

One more thing….my improvements were slow and gradual. They just suddenly started accumulating in a good way. One day I decided to push a little to see where I was. I was so happily surprised walking outside when I didn’t feel the ground trying to make me fall. It was heaven! Almost normal….so the next day I tried it again and same result. Now when I come back in, I do notice I’m more boaty for about an hour. But I don’t mind!

 

Lady Den

 

You give me hope! 11 yrs off and it never ends. My balance is so bad

 

Therapist stands in back of me in case I fall😱

[[La...]]

LadyDen

Thank you for your always kind words in this group.

As you are a year ahead of me - did you feel a lot of healing taking place in the last year?

Hugs, Jørgen

YEEZZZ! I am much improved compared to a year ago.

I can now walk without fear of falling down outside…and because of the balance is better I can walk longer and further. HUGE difference even from three months ago.

You’re welcome for my support. Keep hanging in there.

One more thing….my improvements were slow and gradual. They just suddenly started accumulating in a good way. One day I decided to push a little to see where I was. I was so happily surprised walking outside when I didn’t feel the ground trying to make me fall. It was heaven! Almost normal….so the next day I tried it again and same result. Now when I come back in, I do notice I’m more boaty for about an hour. But I don’t mind!

 

Lady Den

 

You give me hope! 11 yrs off and it never ends. My balance is so bad

 

Therapist stands in back of me in case I fall😱

I’m sure you’re very frustrated dealing with it for so long.

Have you checked to make sure it isn’t something else causing it?

Keep hanging in there.

Hugs 🤗

[[La...]]

Hugs everyone! How’s it going? This thread went silent!

Where is everybody?

[[Pa...]]

Hugs everyone! How’s it going? This thread went silent!

Where is everybody?

It has been a tough week.

[[Ha...]]

Tough week here too Pashu.

Had a flu type bug which wiped me out but significantly better today. Flu is a walk in the park compared to withdrawal!

One week left until my hubby’s big 70th party on 19th. I’m so hoping that I will be functioning that day.

Healing love to everyone.

Hardy xx

[[Li...]]

I haven't posted because I've been doing really bad. That's putting it mildly. Wanted to post when I was feeling better don't know when that's going to be I'm struggling so much. Sending big hugs to everyone!

 

LiveLife

[[le...]]

Tried going back on diazapam for week just made things worse. Not sure whether to just stop or do a quick taper as only on 2 mg.  Given up hope of ever recovering, not eating again and don’t want get out bed. Taking more meds seems too much of game Russian roulette, but got si desperate after 4 years little improvement. Think the effects of flu jab still in my system as feel achey and exhausted again. So pleased for those of you recovering, given up of ever recovering just trying to cope with the limited life I know have, just have accept I won’t get better. Have stopped the diazapam  just need get it out my system.

[[Th...]]

I'm sorry everyone has been hurting. For the last few days I have had very little pain. My mind still is a mess but at least it is not depression or anxiety or dpdr. Still having GI trouble. I wanted to post something good. Everyone please hang in there. I have no idea what is to come and that is scary and at the same time i'm not sure i want to know.

[[He...]]

Hi all,

 

Stitch, I'm really glad you posted that you have had less pain in general. I'm sorry for all your other symptoms but glad to hear you have some improvements at least.

 

Hardy, Leann, Live Life, and others I'm so sorry for all the suffering.  I'm so familiar with all of it after being "sick" for most of 14 years while on the meds and multiple kindlings and then the post taper stuff too.  It's HARD.  I believe in all of you though.  GG and Lady Den are both doing better and that's encouraging!  I'm doing better too slowly but surely. I have a cold right now which has brought back some symptoms but I am SURE I'm getting better. I'm keeping a journal and slowly but surely with a few steps forward and a few back, I'm coming around. I'm 20 months off and well aware I have a ways to go but I hope it gives you hope even if you are 40 months off.  We all have different physiologies  and life circumstances and stressors so it's going to be a variety of paths to healing.  I strongly think that because I had too many stressors in my life all those years that I repeatedly failed to get off the meds and my nervous system was in hyper alert mode all the time.  Now I just have a medium (typical for most humans) amount of stressors and I believe that is why I'm finally coming around. If you have heavy stressors in your life right now, I hope calmer days will come your way soon.  All this to say, I'm hoping and praying for all of us here and sending love to you. I see and feel your suffering.

 

Peace,

Helen

[[He...]]

Jordan Jack, Fire and Jb,

 

I am thinking of all of you and knowing your suffering has been immeasurable.  Hope you can feel my hugs.

 

Helen

[[le...]]

Don’t think I’ll be posting much more, don’t want to bring people down. This flu jab symptoms have made me beyond miserable, the intrusive  thoughts intensified and still not eating much,spent yesterday evening jyst sitting in dark on my own, couldn’t even watch tv, I have actuall forgotten what “feeling happy” feels like, feel totally disconnected from the outside world,  I know I am partly to blame trying the AD’s had a devastating effect, even though work wonders for some, the diazapam probably was a mistake but felt so unwell it did briefly help. But now suffering the results of its withdrawal virtually no sleep.. I just feel people don’t want to hear from hopeless cases like mine that don’t improve. I’ll keep account open but when every day is filled with misery don’t think fair to inflict it on others. So good luck to you all and happy healing 😄😄😄