Parenting in Recovery

[[La...]]

Very wise, Green. I tried changing my phone to the black screen and couldn't stand it. So mine is dim. Atleast your son now has the courtesy of warning you. That's sweet!

Yes Shay, darn kids are a hot mess especially the young adults/ teens. You're right they get major attitude when you ask them nicely over & over. One of my family members is a smart mouth. Always making little slick comments that's borderline. As if I'm dumb & don't know what's meant. Instead of me letting it ruffle my feathers, I say " I know what you meant. That's not cool." Then I walk away. This same person, 2 weeks later had surgery and I'll give you one guess on who had to take care of them? Yep, me! Karma is something

[[Sh...]]

We can them little shits here in oz 

[[tr...]]

teens..hormones, etc. did you all know that the part of the brain that helps with empathy is not fully developed until early 20's? I think this explains a lot:)

Plus they're straddling the fence of adult/child. But enough excuses..sometimes they're just being jerks lol.

 

One thing I noticed about screens/lights etc...I can watch a tv show again if its slower moving, but commercials! You never realized till not how fast paced and overtly stimulating they are!

[[La...]]

Yes I agree Trina. Sometimes they're just jerks. They know better for sure.

I'm ok watching tv except I can't watch anything scary, flashy or bloody. Strange because I've never had a problem with scary movies. If I watch creatures at night, I have nightmares.

Boymom how are you and your son doing today? Matter of fact, how's everyone and their kids doing?

[[Ta...]]

Hi,  I'm back on the thread.  My daughter had a birthday.  She wanted 50s theme. My tradition has always been to clean the house had have the house decorated while they are asleep.  It almost killed me but I did it with my husbands help.  Normally we cook a big feast but we ordered pizza and chips and cake.  My daughter was in heaven and I actually enjoyed myself and got my mind off symptoms.  I kindly told everyone, "Thanks for coming at 8:30." In the past people would stay until midnight, but things are different now.  I look forward to seeing how all of you interact with your kids during this hard syndrom. 

[[Sh...]]

I just did the same for my sons birthday it was so hard but so glad I could do it too. Well done tall x

[[tr...]]

TG!!! So good to see you back on here! You've been missed:)

 

I think you did great for the bday..modifying what we normally do is a great way to still feel like we did something but make it manageable for ourselves!

So glad you were able to enjoy yourself for a bit..a taste of your future 

 

Shayna - congrats on pulling off your party too:) It makes us till feel like we are in the land of  the living.

 

I remember my sons bday in April was just over 30 days for me still in acute..and covid had just shut us down a little earlier..I was just happy to be able to bake a cake that day!  My husband turned 40 a week after that and I was able to bake a cake for that too.

 

Just think of all the future bdays we get to celebrate..

[[Sh...]]

Well done Trina! It’s amazing how much we celebrate things we would have once taken for granted. Sometimes I think (as much as I wish this never happened to me) that this experience has been a very valuable lesson to me. It makes you think about chronically ill people and how they cope, and makes u appreciate things u are able to do much more. And that we have a chance to heal. We are lucky in that respect. Some people aren’t able to heal x ps the decorations are still up it’s been 2 weeks 

[[tr...]]

Decorations are still up..thats ok..you're ahead of the game for the next bday:)

[[Ta...]]

That's so funny.  We had not cleaned up from the Bday either.  My sister's Bday was the next day and I enjoyed that.  I made a cut last night.  I was feeling the cut and wanted to stay in bed...but I got up and cleaned up from the party (5 days) later.  I felt a sense of doing something.

So, in this parenting thing, we have recently joined Disney Plus.  My kids crawl in bed with me and we watch movies together.  However, I end up crying my eyes out.  The last four movies we've watched, either the mom is sick or has passed away.  I just told my kids that I will be on the computer while they watch these movies. 

I never take one single day for granted.  Our babies are our everything!  Lately, I have been giving my kids extra kisses every single day. 

Are your kids doing online or in person learning.  We chose online, but I've been regretting that lately. I've been having to help them a lot. I also feel like they are missing out on life....seeing friends at school.  On the other hand, our Covid numbers are doubling each day. If I got covid, I would probably be a goner or in a huge set-back.  Thoughts? 

[[Sh...]]

Hi tall x so good u could reuse decorations x I am struggling with bad wave atm, spent the morning crying my eyes out. Now I am trying to get motivated to take my little boy out somewhere. Disney plus is fantastic I always say that to my kids too about Disney movies. Or just kids in general. There was a movie called barnyard years ago, my brother Ben had not long passed away. I took my kids to see the movie and the dad cow called Ben passed away. Too close to home! Made sure his kids didn’t go see it. Why do the parents always die in kids movies! Even in real life it doesn’t happen that often. It’s too sad!

[[tr...]]

I hear you guys about the movies..its like I have empathy override and cry at the slightest bad thing in a movie! Not as bad as it used to be though:)

 

shayna: sometimes I've noticed I'll have an intense symptoms for part of a day then it stops like someone flipped a switch...crying, tinnitus, head pressure, vibrating... waves don't always last days..sometimes its hours. I've seen myself sob uncontrollably for the morning only for it to stop and then I can just move on - weird.

 

TG: Keep those kisses for your babies coming! My teens are doing hybrid and this is the right fit for us. Each families needs are different and I don't think there is a perfect solution that fits everyone right now. I know my kids mental health would be in the gutter if they didn't get some socialization. But I feel ok with the hybrid as their school has handled things so amazing I feel they are safe. I will say my son is loving the smaller class sizes (he's more introverted), but my daughter feels the online, even though its part time, is harder as she learns better in person.And she's a very academic person.

I also feel the decisions we make are also dependent on what state we live in as well unfortunately. 

 

Do they have any friends/cousins they get to see occasionally? I know when covid first came out, there is this one family we're friends with and we decided we were each others exclusive covid family for a bit bc it gave my husband and I socialization, and our kids were the same age- so we felt less isolated, but still had safer interaction. Just an idea if that helps..

[[La...]]

Hi all. Happy birthday to all the recent birthdays of you guys family members. My daughter has a birthday coming up in October. I just had mine earlier this month. I mentioned to my hubby that we need to figure out what to do because of covid. She's asked me if it was going to suck this year. Poor baby! This covid is hard on these children and some adults are not handling it to well either. So when we get a chance in the next day or two, I guess we'll come up with a plan. Most of the parents of her friends are social distancing very strictly. She can't even play with them. But I understand and appreciate it. They're doing it coz they know I have auto immune disease, they know I'm already in bad shape and some of the kids have medical issues.

TG, my daughter is online school as well. She loves it. Her teachers really are making it fun. She plays with other kids in the neighborhood to make up for socializing. I know that our kids will be affected in some negative ways by all this covid. Socializing is important to kids. It's important that they're exposed to various types of personalities to learn how to react. Guess we'll have to wait to see how this pans out

[[Ta...]]

Lady Den: Yeah, Birthdays are not as fun in Covid.  We used to go to places like boondocks, chucky cheeze, lazer tag etc.  This year we just had family come over but I decorated the house while my daughter was sleeping.  Everything was 50's style.  That made it fun! 

 

Trina: I'm so happy to hear that you are doing better and that you have breaks in the day.  With your older kids, I think it was good to do hybrid.  THey get to see their friends.  No matter what, I think I will send my kids to school next year.  They deserve a social life. 

 

Shana:  I'm sorry you are not feeling well. I just happened to have a 'better' day so I was able to clean up the decorations from the party.  We do have cousins that our kids play with.  They are going over there today. I have also asked my sister to take my kids more if they plan fun things.  THere are days I can do stuff and there are days I can't. 

 

What do you guys do when you just can't do it one day?  For example, I just made a cut and I was on my period and I just couldn't parent at all.  These days are not often but they do come. 

[[La...]]

TG, I do things in bed with my daughter. I'm bedridden anyway. On the bad waves day, I let her come in here with me for awhile as long as she's quiet. I'm always honest with her letting her know when I'm in a bad day. We draw, look at funny YouTube videos, watch a movie, chit chat, she likes to read to me, I use this time to listen to her thoughts about school friends dreams fears goals etc

You just be honest. Do what you can. I always make a feel better day plan with her. Together we plan for when I'm feeling better what we will do. Hope this helps you.

[[Sh...]]

I was in a bad way yesterday but I took my son to a trampoline park in the afternoon. It was only for an hour but it was hard. I just do my best x

[[ki...]]

Shayna, that’s all we can do... our best. I remind myself that children are resilient and so are we. 

[[Sh...]]

I feel so sorry for my kids. Me the way I am and their dad disabled from stroke. Terrible for them.

[[La...]]

Shay it's not your fault or any of our faults. We didn't know that we didn't know. As Kit said, kids are resilient. We feel bad for them because we love them. We think we're less than a good parent because we're sick but that's not true. The same as if it was our kid sick. When they're sick, they don't think they're less than being a daughter or son. My daughter takes pride in helping me recover. She's always asking if I need something. So sweet!

[[Sh...]]

That’s beautiful lady x what a sweet little lady x

[[Ta...]]

Shayna- I'm so sorry to hear that your husband had a stroke and that you are suffering too. You are an amazing mom and your kids are resiliant.  How are you coping?  You are doing a great job

[[Ta...]]

Lady Den, I think that is wonderful. You are still making memories with your daughter.  I have a chair set up next to my bed so my kids can come chit chat with me too when I'm not feeling well and in bed. 

 

I've been able to start working from home.  I do zoom meetings from the couch or bed with the camera off.  I'm going to try and keep this up as long as I can while I'm tapering. 

[[La...]]

That's a great idea, TG. Things will work out. I'm sure your kids enjoy hanging out with you. So many things we wish we can do but at the end of the day, our kids just want our love.

[[Sh...]]

Shayna- I'm so sorry to hear that your husband had a stroke and that you are suffering too. You are an amazing mom and your kids are resiliant.  How are you coping?  You are doing a great job

 

Thanks TG x I try not to think too much on it. It has been difficult and continues to be. But we have a good friend battling pancreatic and liver cancer. He is always smiling even tho he is in so much pain. I think of him every day. He is so brave. I look at a photo of my family 2 years ago before we both got sick, and I think, wow u don’t realise how lucky u are when u are well. We take it for granted so much don’t we? I just love seeing my kids happy. Although yesterday I took them to the theme park again (we have year passes) and they were fighting so we left after 30 mins 

[[La...]]

Sounds like my mother when I was growing up. If you showed out in public....we're all leaving. Boy we would be so mad at whoever acted a fool. I haven't been to a theme park in awhile now. That would be fun.

What does everyone do when their kid misbehave at home?