Parenting in Recovery

[[La...]]

You're a smart good parent, Trina. Yes you're right, you must talk to them according to age. My grand daughter comes to cuddle with me when she knows I'm feeling bad. She asks me " Glam-Ma, do u feel good today pe-cuz ( so cute her " pe-cuz") I want to watch Cookie Monster with you!" It's funny how she doesn't know that I was nearly in tears from feeling horrible but she distracted me. She climbs in bed with me, we turn on Sesame Street then I feel better. Love is real medicine!

[[Sh...]]

It’s good that they know what’s happening, it can be scary for them not knowing, when I first hit tolerance I lost 12 kilos in about 4 weeks. The drs thought I had cancer for a while. Not that I ever said it but my daughter was in tears constantly and she told me later she thought I had cancer. It’s good to have an honest conversation with them. That’s adorable lady pe coz x Cookie Monster makes everything better. Nom nom nom x

[[La...]]

My family also thought I might have cancer. I certainly did. I'm so happy that we didn't. Seeing us like this is bad enough.

Yes every time she says pe cuz I immediately smile. She yells at the screen telling him not to eat the cookies. So hilarious 

[[Sh...]]

So cute x

[Guest [bo...]]

im a mom. he is 11. i have a 20yr old stepson who does his own life. Im one of the most severe ones. it began as intrusive thoughts which are outwardly motiviated if that tells you. that hapoened after coming off zoloft and ativan gor mild anxiety. the thoughts scared me and i didnt know of these groups to find out it would have gone away. anyway they drugged me insane and now my little boy is basically moterless. he was my universe. i miss out mom son vacations and date nights. now if i can walk thr block with him and sit through a movie without ripping my skin off i am lucky. i miss falling asleep with him. i miss everything. im so guilt ridden about everything i can hardly breathe. he is getting so big and this isnnot who i wante to be for him.

[[Sh...]]

Boy mom we are all going thru the guilt of not being the parent we used to be. I couldn’t leave the house for months and months. My son has autism and I was too sick for a long time to take him to his therapies. That made me Feel very guilty X u are doing the best u can x

[[La...]]

Hello boymom. My heart goes out to you. I'm sure the others here feel your pain as well. Let me start by telling you that this isn't your fault. It's the medications you were on that did this. Although awful as they affect & effect us, it's temporary! Thank god!!!!  please don't beat yourself up mentally. This will only make things worse. I can tell you love your son and he loves you. That's a bond that NO pill can take away. Rest assured this will get better over time. You are healing, please allow yourself the space to do so. Your son is 11, I'm sure he's very intelligent. I think you should sit down with him over his favorite snack to explain to him that you're sick but it will take some time to heal. You can still do things with him which is great. I'd suggest a mom & son date atleast once a week. On the day that you pick, if you're not feeling well...tell him gently then choose something easier to do. On days like that, I have my 11 year old daughter climb in bed with me and we just talk about her dreams, goals, things she likes, or we do a chain story ( I began with a character, she adds to the story...going back & forth). She loves to create stories/ write. Sometimes we watch funny videos on YouTube. I'm mostly bedridden so we've gotten quite creative to spend time together. Truth be told, oftentimes I have to kick her out of here to rest cuz she's having such fun that she don't want to leave 

Hug your son, tell him how much you love him, reassure him and do what you can. We all have been down that road. We're here to support you. I'm sure others have some suggestions as well. Big hugs!

[[tr...]]

boy mom: I hear your frustration...but its not over yet. So much can be restored. grieve the losses but don't stay there in it.

 

Would you consider creating a signature? It's helpful for others to see maybe your history of taper/jump, med used and dosage. It paints a picture of your journey so others can help better if you need it.

 

[Guest [bo...]]

i dont know how. im very much brain damaged now

[[Sh...]]

I’m at a theme park sitting watching my kids on water slide. Bad brain fog today. Just want to lay down. We just have to put one foot in front of the other and try our best. Some days I can’t get out of bed for long. X

[Guest [bo...]]

i used to be the queen of the waterpark. now i cant even go to walmart

[[Sh...]]

I was like u are now, I couldn’t leave the house, couldn’t go grocery shopping. Couldn’t take my kids to school. I’m still not well but I can do things now I couldn’t before. Please try to to signature, Trina can we maybe get admins to help boymom with signature so we can get her some help. Boymom what meds were u taking? Are u still on? It would help so we can find some buddies that have similar backgrounds xx

[[La...]]

Yes you definitely have to just push through. Shay I didn't know you were once in my shoes. Were you bedridden as well?

Maybe Trina can help her with a signature. I'm sure someone on the polydrug thread is similar.

Also boymom, you can only do what you can. Give it some time

[[Sh...]]

Yes I was bedridden. When I first hit tolerance and interdose wd I was extremely ill. No sleep horrific anxiety very weak couldn’t eat my family force fed me, could only take small mouth fulls of food. Lost 12-15 kgs had severe muscle wastage. Just laid on my couch and stared out the window and cried. For months.

[[La...]]

That's awful. Believe me, I know how hard it is to be like that. I'm glad my daughter understands what's going on with me. I tried going on the coach during the day but it didn't work. I'm sorry you experienced it.

[[Sh...]]

I moved between the bed and the couch all day back then. Did u have sleepless nights as u withdrew? And after? I can’t remember

[[tr...]]

Boy mom:

Add your history/signature

here's the link to create your signature. I hope this helps.

I know some ppl choose not to do it for one reason or another, but its hard to advice ppl without it:) but I think I read another post of yours where you've been off of benzos over a year now and are now tapering from an AD. Your body is still going through a lot of adjusting and more chemical changes.

I'm off of benzos and AD's now. Healing is happening.

 

 

Lots of success stories of people who had insane symptoms forever and thought they'd be physically disabled forever - they healed.

We have to focus on what can be more than what is. 

[[La...]]

Yes Shay, I had sleepless nights as I tapered but having CBT-I in place kept me from it driving me crazy. I have days every so often when I can't sleep well then I go back to sleeping good. It happens in withdrawals.

Thx Trina for helping boymom with signature.

All of us parents, need a round of applause! We're sick and still drag ourselves along for our babies. Benzo might have us sick but we still endure the struggles of being a parent. There's not a parent on here that if one of our kids were hurt, we'd crawl to them if we couldn't walk. We are healing. It will get better. At the end of the day, we will be better parents because of what we are going through. We can save our children from entering this hell. Teach them to find another safer way of handling sleep, their anxiety, stress, etc But don't trust a benzo! Is that right?

[[Gr...]]

Shayna, I think that is adorable that your 8yo brings you an apple every day to make you well.  I love it!  :smitten:

 

I told my son early on what was going on, with benzo withdrawal.  When he had some kids over one time, I heard other kids complaining that their parents were sick.  Two of them had parents with lupus.  I told him later that benzo withdrawal was kind of like lupus, only I was much more likely to recover.   

 

I really regret yelling at my son so much when he was 9 and 10 year old, for making noise.  I am not sure if he is going to have lasting effects from it.  I don't yell so much anymore.  I was so angry all the time and every noise was so painful to me.  I'm still sorting those feelings out now. 

[[La...]]

Yes I've yelled once or twice myself earlier in my taper. The noise was too much! This happened after I asked several times to stop. I don't think it has any lasting damage, Greencup. The same as when kids yell at each other. That's my opinion

[[Sh...]]

Shayna, I think that is adorable that your 8yo brings you an apple every day to make you well.  I love it!  :smitten:

 

I told my son early on what was going on, with benzo withdrawal.  When he had some kids over one time, I heard other kids complaining that their parents were sick.  Two of them had parents with lupus.  I told him later that benzo withdrawal was kind of like lupus, only I was much more likely to recover.   

 

I really regret yelling at my son so much when he was 9 and 10 year old, for making noise.  I am not sure if he is going to have lasting effects from it.  I don't yell so much anymore.  I was so angry all the time and every noise was so painful to me.  I'm still sorting those feelings out now.

 

Thanks green cup x he is a sweetheart x I worry about my crying effecting them. For months all I could do was cry. I cry still but not as much. But I know it effects my family. My husband still wakes up during the night thinking he’s heard me crying. We’re doing our best green cup. I get angry with my kids because they expect so much from me but never help me with anything. It’s frustrating

[[tr...]]

Greencup: all you can do is apologize for the yelling and say you didn't mean it. Forgiveness happens:)

 

Shayna: I feel I could use more help too - but in your situation I totally see why (your husbands not well..). I have days where I just don't have the fight in me to "steer" my kids the way I need to, " No. you WILL do what I ask or there will be natural consequences..". I pick my battles:) And then other days I do have that strength to actually "parent" them and get their butts moving!

 

I've seen a lot in my profession in regards to negligent parenting. Trust me, I feel like most of us are doing fine in comparison

 

I remember back just after my jump I still had such bad sleep anxiety after basically not sleeping the year prior, and then having complete insomnia for a bit after my jump - I was yelling one evening around 11 pm bc the teens were still awake and my husband and they were all talking loud - I lost in on them bc all I wanted was sleep! I've apologized and I feel we've all moved on from that:)

[[La...]]

That happened to me too. It's like they disregard the fact that we're highly sensitive to noise. And even bright lights in my case. As dizzy as I was I walked in the living room and loudly said " this is ridiculous that I've asked y'all to tone it down a bit 3 times. Every one of you know I'm sick! It's bad enough that I'm made to feel like an inconvenience. If you're not gonna help me then don't do things that make me worse! My room is right next to this living room.Now, you either be quieter or put them damn cards up!". I got some crazy looks & ugly attitudes after that but I didn't give a crap at that moment. And they left my living room & kitchen a hot mess for me to see the next morning.

Little ones making some noise is expected. But big nearly adults or already adults is just inconsiderate. I'm constantly begging for peace & quiet. Our nerves/anxiety is out of sorts. We're in the fight of our lives. Barely hanging on some days and being a wife, mother and grandmother at the same time.

[[Sh...]]

Yes my teens are shocking. My 17yo plays online with friends and screams the house down, then u day please be quiet it’s 10pm and u get attitude, exactly we are so unwell and they still don’t get it. It wouldn’t be appropriate for that time of night even if we weren’t unwell. Kids!

[[Gr...]]

LadyDen- yes bright lights for me too!  Yesterday, my son was like, "Mama, I want you to watch this with me" and so I go over to see it, and then he covers my eyes, and says, "Hold on, this part has flashing lights."  I used to yell about the flashing lights too.  In fact, there was a time, where he would somehow accidentally shine flashlights into my eyes on a somewhat regular basis. 

 

For me, flashing lights, have triggered ocular migraines.  These lights are found everywhere!  Movies, videos, lightning, campfires, fireworks, etc...  I also changed my cell phone to black and white and find it so much easier to look at.