My Ambiem withdrawal

[Guest [Bn...]]

I am so sorry for your suffering.  Do you have any support?

 

B

[[He...]]

Hi Bnotafraid, I have support in the form of my parents but They’re doing the best they can, otherwise I’m at home, not in a hospital or anything. Thanks so much for checking.

 

Is there any advice you would kindly give?

[Guest [Bn...]]

Hang in, I don't know anything about Ambien, I hear it is awful.  If you can distract yourself...do anything, clean, color, organize, watch TV, video games, music, I listen to white noise before bed, meditation music, or relaxation, deep breath, anything to not focus on your sx.  I wish I could stop it for you...I can tell you it gets better.  Slowly.... really slowly.  Just hang on.  Are you warm, safe and have you eaten

anythingg?  I m alone no support but it's hard no matter what.  Just take care PLEASE!✌️🙏💜

[[50...]]

Hang in, I don't know anything about Ambien, I hear it is awful.  If you can distract yourself...do anything, clean, color, organize, watch TV, video games, music, I listen to white noise before bed, meditation music, or relaxation, deep breath, anything to not focus on your sx.  I wish I could stop it for you...I can tell you it gets better.  Slowly.... really slowly.  Just hang on.  Are you warm, safe and have you eaten

anythingg?  I m alone no support but it's hard no matter what.  Just take care PLEASE!✌️🙏💜

 

you're not alone. i'm team B!!

[Guest [Bn...]]

Thanks Dre, I m definitely thankful for your support, I m glad to know you are doing well.  Hang in there you are almost out of this!  Stay busy!  ✌️🙏💜

 

B

[[Pa...]]

I thought you might have read it when I saw you online, and I'm glad you did.  I was uncomfortable because you and I are in the minority here and while we're welcome, we're not easily understood by those who don't share our condition.  I don't feel judged and don't expect anyone to be able to understand us, heck I don't understand us, so how can I expect anyone else to?

 

I'm relieved to hear about your Dr, I would imagine you've provided quite a challenge for him, I like the fact that he seems to be listening to you.  Something this important should be a partnership and involve trust, it seems like it's working. 

 

I'm glad you got a bit of sleep, how do you feel otherwise, is your anxiety through the roof?

[[He...]]

Hi Pamster, yes with ambien use it’s difficult for anyone to understand how good it feels to wield control over sleep. Until it gets too far of course.

 

Doctor wise I think I’m his most difficult patient, but he always assured me I’m not. He takes steps to modify the taper according to my symptoms and I’m very grateful for that. This seems like it’s going to be a long process though and since the majority of the cuts have been made to my daytime doses, the only remaining places to cut, logically, would be the night time doses which I’m very worried about, since that would affect my sleep.

 

The inability to sleep naturally was what led me to take ambien in the first place and it seems like the situation will loop back to where it started from.

 

Otherwise it’s still early days yet. I’ve just started on my latest taper schedule yesterday (the one involving Valium) and while I’m still anxiety prone, I feel like my heart palpitations have been dulled somewhat. But like I said, still early days yet.

 

Thank you for being understanding and always checking in, it gives me great comfort.

[[Pa...]]

I like the sound of this, your palpitations may have dulled somewhat, good to hear.  Of course, that could change in the next 5 minutes but those who go through withdrawal have to hang on to any little improvement. 

 

I feel like we put too much importance on sleep, especially those of us who sought out the drug for that reason.  We need it of course but your relationship with sleep has been messed up for awhile now, you wanted to be the master but you're not and never will be.  You tried, just as I did, but sleep always wins, no matter how hard we try to control it.  We can tease it with good sleep hygiene, or coax it with sleepy time teas, or we can deny it by trying to stay awake later in order to sleep in later.  We can take medications we're told will help, but oftentimes they steal sleep from us, or we can find the ultimate sleep aid like Ambien only to learn that sleep will evade us in payment for our folly.

 

Dreading the days when the pill is gone will only make this more difficult and won't bring it on.  Acceptance of your situation is the only way to get through this.  You don't have to go to work, you're safe and have the time to do what you know you need to do.  I hope you can find a way to change your fear into acceptance so this won't be so hard on you.

 

 

[[He...]]

You’re right of course. I remember a doctor ever telling me, sleep has four legs, we only have two. We will never be able to chase sleep.

 

You seem to be able to read my mind in all things, it’s 11.50am where I’m at and again you’re right, I’m feeling much more jittery and anxious than yesterday. I know I’m safe I know I have time I know I don’t have to work, nonetheless I feel anxious.

 

It’s like walking on eggshells every single second, trying my best to keep the anxiety or racing/negative thoughts at bay and it’s exhausting Pamster, it really is.

 

Fear into acceptance seems a high mountain to climb right now so I’m going to concentrate on taking this a day at a time.

 

How did you manage to change your fear into acceptance (if you felt fear on the first place)?

 

I feel like I’m broken.

 

Am I hogging the forum by posting too much?

[[Pa...]]

I can see I put too much on you by pushing for acceptance, lets concentrate on survival.  And yes I felt fear, I was in the depths just as you are, don't give me anymore credit than I deserve, I wasn't a pretty picture and not nearly as brave as you.  I isolated, I didn't reach out for help like you are now, I gave up on myself.  But this only goes to show that when you make it through this, life can be good again.  The lesson I learned from this experience has had a profound impact on my life and the changes it brought about are all good ones, it made me a better person.

 

I love what that Dr told you, it's so true.  I hate looking at the clock to see how much time has gone by without sleep, but you can't not look at it.  I know it's little comfort to know you don't have to work and you're safe when you're in excruciating pain but it could always be worse.  I used to think about my torment and compare it to those who live in war torn areas, or those living in resettlement camps far from home with uncertain futures and I felt shame for thinking only of my pain when I had it so much better than them.  I think this was another component of the drug withdrawal, the negative thinking and intrusive thoughts find anyway in that they can to torture us.

 

You're not broken, this is temporary, a long temporary but it will end so hang on to hope, it's all we have and it's important.  You're not hogging the forum, this is why the forum exists to support people like you. 

[[He...]]

Pamster, lets give credit where it’s due. You managed this entirely on your own, like you said, no help and isolated whatsoever. That is the epitome of braveness that you pulled through and are the success story you are right now.

 

Sleep still continues to elude me at this time, I try not to look at the clock but it’s excruciating when you’re in bed lying in deep nagative thoughts. I know you’ve been there, where I am now.

 

Thank you for opening up to me about your experiences with sleep, while I feel no shame, I feel desperate, desperate to grab those twilight hours or what’s left of them

 

It’s such a relief to know that I can post here, this thread is getting long and I hope it doesn’t offend anyone.

 

Oh I forgot to add, the doctor gave me propranolol the last visit, it does help sometimes to quell the pounding in my heart. Another withdrawal symptom that is a lie, as I measure my heartbeat in those anxious moments and it always turns out normal.

 

God, hope and my parents are all I have right now Pamster, and so I had better hold on. I’ll try to teach myself acceptance, I read somewhere on the forum someone said we shouldn’t fight anxiety, instead just let it ride out.

[[Ch...]]

Acceptance makes this easier, Headspace.  If you can, just let it happen rather than trying to teach yourself to do it. I fought it for a long time, wishing and hoping I’d wake up one morning (if I slept) and this would be over.

 

Once I accepted that this was going to take some time, that being impatient or willing it to be faster or easier wasn’t helping, and that central nervous systems heal on their own timetable, I gave myself up to the process. That’s the best way I can describe reaching acceptance.

 

It didn’t make things happen faster, but it made it more comfortable, if that makes any sense.

[[Pa...]]

Acceptance makes this easier, Headspace.  If you can, just let it happen rather than trying to teach yourself to do it. I fought it for a long time, wishing and hoping I’d wake up one morning (if I slept) and this would be over.

 

Once I accepted that this was going to take some time, that being impatient or willing it to be faster or easier wasn’t helping, and that central nervous systems heal on their own timetable, I gave myself up to the process. That’s the best way I can describe reaching acceptance.

 

It didn’t make things happen faster, but it made it more comfortable, if that makes any sense.

 

Wow Chal, what a great post!  I just learned something important, you can't work on acceptance, you need to allow it to come, to open yourself up to it.  Working and fighting are things one doesn't associate with peace and acceptance, so I like your way much better.  I guess that kind of goes along with what you read about riding out the anxiety instead of fighting it Headspace.

 

If you're worried about this thread being too long or taking up resources we can move it to Buddie Blogs, some of those go on for hundreds of pages.  Its also an area of the forum that isn't open to the viewing public so there's that, but really its fine where it is.  Let me know what you'd like to do.

 

I've heard propranolol is helpful for the heart palpitations, do you think that's why you're having less of them instead of the increased Valium?  Well, no matter I guess, as long as it's helping you.

 

I hope you can get some sleep tonight, there are too many hours in a day when you can't.

[[He...]]

Hi Challis and Pamster, yes I guess acceptance is the only way that will bring about peace within me, I just have to stop being whiny about it. I wish I had more openness and mental strength like both of you.

 

I don’t know if it’s the propranolol or the Valium that’s decreasing the heart palpitations, but I’m taking the Valium on a more regular basis than the propranolol, which is a “when needed” kind of drug, according to my doc.

 

Pamster is it ok if we leave the thread where it is?

 

I got some sleep last night but it didn’t come easy again in the middle of the night, no worries though, it might be a good place to start acceptance, acceptance that I might never get uninterrupted sleep.

 

I’m going to try hard not to sweat the small stuff.

[[Pa...]]

It's good to hear it's probably the Valium helping the palpitations, at least we know your body is recognizing it.  Some members complain about the sedation they feel on Valium, I wonder if that will feel good to you?  It seems like for someone who has chased sleep, sedation would be a good thing, I hope you'll help me understand if or when it happens to you.

 

Another component of Valium is depression and of course Ambien produces this as well, so I hope you'll be able to recognize that it's just another symptom fueled by the drug, it's not you or your life, its a pill. 

 

Glad you got a little bit of sleep, and as for interrupted sleep in the future, this will be a fact of life.  Not because you're broken but as we age our sleep suffers so waking up two or three times a night is pretty much normal.  The great part though is we can go back to sleep so no need to dread the future. There is more to life than thinking about sleep all the time and once you get through this you'll find this to be true. 

 

We'll leave your thread here, no problem.  I'm working with another member on the direct taper board that will probably surpass yours very soon, so no worries. 

 

 

[[He...]]

Dear Pamster, I don’t mean to sound petulant but the Valium is NOT doing anything for me at all. It doesn’t sedate me and yesterday was rough. I had a three hour panic attack from 4pm till 7pm and I’m at a loss of what to do and what my doc can do.

 

Tried deep breathing. Praying, self talk etc. nothing worked except my night dose of ambien.

 

I think I’m a hardcore addict and while I recognize that the general consensus here is that everyone can get through this, I very well might be in the minority who can’t.

 

I can’t even be sure that it’s the Valium that dulls my heartbeat because my heartbeat is pretty much back to normal, the never ceasing pounding.

 

Please let me know if my complaints are getting too much. I don’t mean to spread negativity around here.

[[Pa...]]

You don't sound petulant, you sound like you're in pain, I understand.  I wouldn't expect the dose of Valium you're currently on would be sedating, this may happen further down the line.  A 3 hour panic attack sounds horrendous, I'm so glad you were able to end it with the Ambien, but I can see you're getting discouraged and I don't blame you. 

 

I don't think you're a hardcore addict, I think you're someone who made some mistakes, and you're doing what you need to do to correct them.  We have had addicts come through here, they generally make one or two posts then leave.  But you haven't left, you've stuck this out day after day because you want to get through this, you know this is your time.  What are your alternatives, go back to taking huge amounts of Ambien, can you get those amounts anymore?  What about your parents, what are they to think if you give up on yourself?  Do you really want to live the rest of your life seeking drugs, being a slave to them?  I'm saying all of this to you but I really don't have to because you already know this. 

 

Your struggle is different than most here, but your suffering is not.  Many have felt your pain and helplessness and yes, some have given up.  But those who have go back to taking their 1 or 2 milligrams prescribed by their Dr's and go on to live their lives.  You don't have that luxury, so you have to stay here and do this. 

[[Ma...]]

Dear Pamster, I don’t mean to sound petulant but the Valium is NOT doing anything for me at all. It doesn’t sedate me and yesterday was rough. I had a three hour panic attack from 4pm till 7pm and I’m at a loss of what to do and what my doc can do.

 

Tried deep breathing. Praying, self talk etc. nothing worked except my night dose of ambien.

 

I think I’m a hardcore addict and while I recognize that the general consensus here is that everyone can get through this, I very well might be in the minority who can’t.

 

Headspace, I would talk to the Dr about a beta blocker.  A lot of people on here take it for palpitations and panick attacks.  Helps your heart slow down .  So if you try them, it will lower your heart rate in all probability so make sure it doesn't interact with other hr meds.  You can look it up on Drugs.com Interaction Checker.  Just a suggestion, it has helped me.  Mary 💜

 

 

 

[[He...]]

Thanks Mary, I’m already on propranolol and it only made me feel light headed and faintish during the panic attack yesterday. I’m exhausted. I know this is a process but these attacks come out of the blue with no triggers (I was safe at home) and they can last for hours.

 

I feel so trapped and that my hands are tied.

 

I’m also dosing 10mg Valium 3 times a day but that doesn’t seem to be helping much. Did I read somewhere that you said Valium isn’t effective for anxiety?

[[He...]]

Pamster, my options are exactly as you outlined.

 

Go back to using ambien at those amounts as and when I want to, and feel like a normal person again.

 

Or keep going with this taper and suffer through it.

 

My parents keep saying do not give up. Take one step at a time, but it’s really difficult with these panic attacks.

 

I don’t mean to contradict all your advice. You speak the truth, from the perspective of someone who’s been through it, and I respect that.

 

I’m seeing the doc again tomorrow, I think we will have to work something else out.

[[Pa...]]

I understand, I hope you can find a better alternative, please keep us posted, we care. 

[[He...]]

Thank you as always Pamster, it’s good to know you guys care.

 

Was it like that for you when you were going through withdrawal? Each day bringing a new set of challenges?

[[Lo...]]

It's a nightmare, let's not sugarcoat it.

[[He...]]

Any suggestions lonelysoul?

 

I’m desperate.

[[50...]]

It's a nightmare, let's not sugarcoat it.

 

LMFAO. Facts!!