My Ambiem withdrawal

[[Pa...]]

So glad to hear you've got the support of your family, that makes me feel much better.  They're going to love the new you when you get through this, they'll recognize their son again.  What a gift you're giving them. 

 

Check out Wikipeida, it may apply to you, it's enough to scare me straight.

[[ea...]]

Headspace, I am eastcoast. My real name is Annie and many people here know me as Annie. I went vcold turkey off a mountain of psych drugs 7.5 years ago, including Klonapin and Ambien.

Your story is compelling and unusual as it is highly unlikely a doctor would prescribe Ambien for anxiety. But it happened, and the doses you were on were...astromical. I am so sorry you have to go through this. Benzo wd is awful and everyone on BB can tell you that.

Pamster is right. Your CNS is on overdrive now...starting to freak out, and become more and more afraid of thinbgs to come. We all go through that, you are not the only one. Within 24 hours after I took my last pills I started hallucinating, with all five senses. Totally scary and I soon became convinced I had just gone insane. Because I am an RN I assumed I knew a lot about these drugs. NOT. I have never been taught or told how awful benzo wd can be for some. Now I know.

What I had to do is endure it. Because I was so paranoid about doctors and pills then, I refused to get "help". But that turned out to be a good thing, as medical people STILL have no idea how benzo wd can be.

I relied on BB heavily that first year  out. I lived here. I made friends and learned and suffered along side of everyone here. I think  you have done a very right thing, starting your own thread. That tells me you are serious and do want support. You might also pop in on the cold turkey area, where you will find others in similar straights.

Be ready for whatever comes, Head. And - if things do get TOO awful for you, don't be afraid to seek in person help. For some, just being in a "safe space" is a blessing.

 

Your situation is a bit unusual in the doses you were on. I would like to know, very much, what happens with you. I will be rooting for you no matter what. You are on a huge journey, one which could lead you back to a more normal life, just as it did for me. I will never be perfect. I am flawed. But NOT being on those drugs made an enormous difference in my health, both mental and physical.

You might want to read my current Blog. It was written as my second Success Story. Read the first couple pages, as I try to describe what I went through that first awful year. Feel free to comment there too, and if a PM might help you get through, write me that way.

Because I know with my entire heart that I owe BB my damn life, I will always want to give back and help others survive this stuff.

Annie

[[br...]]

Hi Headspace ,

 

where you stable on your original does of ambien. if the terrible anxiety is affecting you now you may possibly want to slow the ambien taper . I guess use your symptoms as a guide.  hopefully your doctor will understand this.

 

all the best

 

Andrew

[[He...]]

Hi Pamster, today I will be starting the new taper, we’ll see how things go.

 

My parents are truly concerned and everytime I want to give up this fight, they say no, continue this journey but I know it’ll be a long time more before they see a normal me again.

 

Hi Annie, thanks so much for adding your experience here. Yes I’m serious about kicking the drug habit, I was self medicating and then one day realized my ambien use is too damn high. I’m paying the ultimate price for it now though, this tremendous anxiety and all the other symptoms have made me want to give up many times. And have made me want to kill myself as many times too.

 

The doc didn’t prescribe me ambien for anxiety. When I first saw him I was already addicted to the drug. At a much higher dose. All due to my own ignorance and stupidity.

 

I’m glad you’re off the drugs now and I thank you for rooting for me. I endeavor to be like everyone here who has recovered and have given their invaluable insights and thoughts.

 

Hi breakthrough80, I was stable on my original doses of ambien, my pdoc will work with me according to my symptoms indeed, I’m trying to go slow and steady in this manner.

[[br...]]

good on you for continuing to fight. slow and steady might be the way to go. hopefully you will be able to hang on after dose cuts. I want to give up all the time but I can't go back on these drugs anymore . they have really done damage and I need to heal.

 

All the best

 

Andrew

[[He...]]

Hi Andrew, hang in there and do not give up. Trust me many times I have thought the same thing but I still fight and persevere.

 

I really hope you heal up well.

[Guest [Bn...]]

You both hang in there.  Don't Give up!  Remember they are symptoms let them pass, even the thoughts.  Don't play into them just treat them like any other symptom.  This too shall pass.  In the beginning things are very rough but you will heal.

 

B

[[Pa...]]

Hi Headspace,

 

I see some good support going on here, you're getting it and giving it back, I like what I see.  How are you doing with the Lorazepam cut, is it still gone, did you tell your Dr?

[[He...]]

Hi Pamster!

 

Just an update about the lorazepam, it’s still gone, despite my docs advice via phone that I should reinstate.

 

I’ve passed day 1 of the new schedule and barely getting there in between my dosage timings.

 

Thanks for keeping this thread alive, hearing from you always gives me comfort.

[[Pa...]]

I'm pleased you're still Lorazepam free, even if your choice conflicts with your Dr because this at least, is your choice, you need to have some say in this.  I understand you're suffering for this choice but you were suffering anyway, at least this way you're saving yourself further down the line, I admire your determination to be free.  I got caught in the quick fix too, this is how most of us ended up here, at what point do we say enough?

 

So many people reach for other substances during this time and none of them have proved to be the magic potion we're all hoping for, if one person found it, we would all know about it.  Everything comes with risk, the only thing we've found is time, and even that isn't foolproof.  Some will suffer from this for many years, others only a few months, so I'm glad you're opting for the one thing we all can agree on. 

 

I'm glad you keep checking in, you have a lot of people whom you've never met cheering you to success. 

[[br...]]

I just saw the half life for Ambien. it is super short . ant chance of splitting your doses up even further to spread them through the day . it may help between doses

[[ea...]]

Way to go, Head!!!!!

I have this feeling you are gonna do just fine. I have some psychic abilities and am seldom wrong about this sort of thing.

I feel you are trying so hard, you want to get better. You are scared as all of us were (or are). But you haven't given up. THAT is fantastic!

Annie

[[He...]]

Hi Pamster and Annie, thank you both so much for the wonderful support, I didn’t know Internet forums could be such a source of strength.

 

I wish I could say everything is going hunky dory and that the taper is pain free, but the ever present anxiety, on the brink of a panic attack, is wearing me down.

 

Everyday I wake up with the single goal of reaching my 7pm (large) dose, put in place to help me sleep. And then I only have a few hours of feeling like a normal human being before the meds knock me out. What kind of life is this? That said, this’s day 2 of the new plan. Sigh.

 

Hi breakthrough, also thanks for your suggestion, I’m not sure how I can split the doses up further in the day as they already seem pretty thinned out. But I’ll be sure to talk to my doc on the phone tomorrow and see if we can work something out.

[[br...]]

it was just an idea as the half life is so short. my taper was rough . all I could think of was the next dose. my anxiety was much higher during the taper. waiting for the next dose or trying not to take an extra dose to do anything that caused anxiety was to much for me so when I was a about 1.5 of Xanax I had enough and jumped off.

 

the funny thing is as bad as I'm feeling now, which is quite bad.my anxiety was worse when I was cutting down.

 

wish you the best

 

Andrew

[[Pa...]]

I'm sure most people on the forum don't realize that once your body becomes dependent on Ambien, the relief you feel taking it is the same relief one feels when taking a benzo.  Yes, you take the Ambien to sleep, but it also takes away the pain of withdrawal, its just so short lived.  You want to savor the peace it gives you, but you also want to sleep away the days and nights.  I've always loved mornings but when I was on the Ambien, I wanted to go right back to sleep because of the overwhelming depression I woke up to.  Yes, I'm very familiar with what you're living through right now.

 

You're doing amazing, I'm so impressed with your perseverance, this is it, this is your time to get yourself free and I'm confident you're going to do it. 

[[He...]]

Hi Pamster, I suppose you’re a million miles away but you put in words EXACTLY how I’m living right now, the comfort of ambien is indeed short lived and I just want to sleep the entire day away.

 

In fact, it’s about 3.10am where I’m at. Ambien is so short acting that my large dose at 7pm only keeps me sleeping till now where I wake up to take another 80mg of the stuff. And then wait to fall asleep again. This window of wakefulness I foresee will keep getting worse as the drug cuts get more and more, and I’m terrified.

 

When I wake up in the mornings I force myself to sleep just a little longer. Then a little longer I always tell myself. Before I have to wake up and face my thudding heart.

 

I do keep reminding myself throughout the day that this is a journey and it will take time. Step by step as my parents keep saying.

 

To have someone like you who understands completely, that is really a comfort.

[[Pa...]]

I know you're terrified and I know it hurts, but we have to pay the price for our carelessness.  We both knew the time would come when we had to quit, but we just kept putting it off, hoping for what?  I have to admit our wiring is pretty messed up, how is it we think we can get away with this stuff? I don't know the answer I just know that there comes a time when we have to face the mess we've made and it hurts.  Tell you what though, it's one heck of a lesson, one I don't plan to repeat.

 

Your folks sound wonderful, I hope you can do this for them, they deserve to see you whole again. 

 

Hey, question for you, can you yawn?  I couldn't back then but now I can and it's wonderful, I'm still grateful after all these years that I can feel tired and yawn, what a gift.

[[ea...]]

Head, when I say BB saved my life, I am not exaggerating. There is no in person support for this, except for N/A. That didn't appeal to me back then as I had not yet admitted I was addicted to benzos.

What I learned on BB, and the support, helped me survive. I will always be indebted for that. This is why I still come here, to lend a hand to others. My way of giving back.

You can and will get through this. It will take determination, and an utter refusal to reinstate. I firmly believe that everyone can heal, although the degree of withdrawal misery can be widely different with each person. How does one describe how awful it can be??? I know I still cant quite describe what I went through. It was just all so scary and weird, and nothing prepared me for it.

Talk about "learning experiences", huh? Yikes.

I am so glad you found us.

Annie

[[He...]]

Hi Pamster, yeah I can still yawn, when I’m tired.

 

You’re right again about facing up to what we did, my use was getting too high I knew it had to stop.

 

Hi Annie! Nice to hear from you again, I’m seriously glad I found you guys, you all are an inspiration to me, every time I feel like quitting this I come on here and read the boards.

 

Do you guys think that 7 days between cuts in doses are ok? Because that’s what the doc has as a plan.

[[br...]]

The cut frequency will be between you and your doctor . use your symptoms as a guide. Everyone does it at different rates. I could have done mine slower and possibly had milder symptoms but I was tired and I had had enough. I was also not guaranteed an endless supply to do a long taper as I got mine illegally. Here in oz there is almost no chance to get these prescribed.

 

Best of luck

[[Pa...]]

I honestly have no idea about your taper rate, I've seen people taper Ambien slowly, others like me who quit cold turkey and the results are all over the map.  Its similar to a benzo, but not technically one, so its seems less predictable to me.  But probably like Andrew said, this is between you and your Dr, he's pretty much calling the shots anyway.  You can assist him though by giving him a concise record of your symptoms, this could mean speeding things up or slowing it down, help him help you. 

 

I'm glad you're reading the boards, it's kind of a mixed bag around here, we have hope and we have despair so I hope you're finding what you need.

[[Lo...]]

I had too Quit cold turkey with Ambien..I still crave it...I substituted with Valium, which took a week to start working. The Ambien Anxiety was so strong when I Quit.

[[br...]]

Hopefully a taper will make it not as severe as you had it

[[He...]]

I’m seeing the doctor again tomorrow morning. Just the thought of it terrifies me.

[[br...]]

it will be over one day . no more anxiety about when the next dose is. will it be enought, should I take a bit more. it's a nightmare .

 

great feeling not being a slave to it. all I could think of was taking Xanax . I got to the point I would take one just in case I got anxious about something .

 

all the best . hope your doc is understanding of what is happening

 

Andrew