Looking for Buddies - LT High dose Xanax direct taper 1/2 way there!

[[to...]]

Julia, try to stick it out if you can.  Just one dose closer to freedom.  You and I are having very similar symptoms.  Know you are not suffering alone.  Hugs

Hi Seasalt - I will. Thank you for saying that. I would not want to go backwards. The day we are free will be a prayer answered.

Hugs,

Julia

 

 

Yes.

 

Can I play person number 3 with similar symptoms? Interesting. Air hunger, anxiety/panic, tension head and face aches, ongoing gastric nasties, burning skin and deep chills, moderate DP/DR. It is not as intense as it was a month ago. The benzo brain is pretty much a constant, not even worth mentioning.

 

Be well

Hi,

It's so strange how this drug affects us. Last night I got dizzy as hell and was having stomach pains. That was only 2 hours after I took my last dose of the day which I made my cut from. Crazy. Today have slight headache and stomach hurts. 😔

This sucks but will keep going and see how I do.

Love and hugs,

Julia

[[ba...]]

Wow. On day 1?  > >:(I really really hope it stabilizes and is not another drawn out ordeal. I just started a very small cut last night. I mean SMALL for my dosage. I am waiting to see how today goes, and if it goes sideways, I know it's too soon.

 

Be well, I am so sorry your reaction. Benzos are so strange. They stop working and yet you can't stop them. You taper them and they wreak havoc on you!  No one could possibly get just how bad it is unless they go through it themselves.

 

My symptoms were very severe for about 3 months. They are not as intense. It took me a while to realize this. I went back through my notes and saw how much more intense my symptoms were. And I did get 2 days of calm a few days ago (not relief from sxs, but calmness, no raging anxiety,) So I know it does settle down. Put that in my "What can happen, it's normal,"box.

 

Whatever happens, you are wise enough to know to proceed or wait a bit longer.

 

And, strong enough to get through what may come.

 

-Keeping it real, spreading the love.

[[to...]]

Wow. On day 1?  > >:(I really really hope it stabilizes and is not another drawn out ordeal. I just started a very small cut last night. I mean SMALL for my dosage. I am waiting to see how today goes, and if it goes sideways, I know it's too soon.

 

Be well, I am so sorry your reaction. Benzos are so strange. They stop working and yet you can't stop them. You taper them and they wreak havoc on you!  No one could possibly get just how bad it is unless they go through it themselves.

 

My symptoms were very severe for about 3 months. They are not as intense. It took me a while to realize this. I went back through my notes and saw how much more intense my symptoms were. And I did get 2 days of calm a few days ago (not relief from sxs, but calmness, no raging anxiety,) So I know it does settle down. Put that in my "What can happen, it's normal,"box.

 

Whatever happens, you are wise enough to know to proceed or wait a bit longer.

 

And, strong enough to get through what may come.

 

-Keeping it real, spreading the love.

 

Hi Baddove,

I do not know if its the cut or not.....  Today has been a rough one too, dizzy, ears are hurting and ringing and headaches.  I have actually been having headaches on and off for the last 3-4 days so I do not know if that is Xanax/WD or not.  I am not at all sure what is going on with me.  It can not possibly be the cut, can it???  I am actually going to take the dose tonight that I was taking and see if this goes away.  If it does, I will know its the cut and if not I will know something else is going on.  This all freaks me out.  I am so unsteady like I have an ear infection - which I guess is possible  and I guess it could be a fluke that it just started last night....  I do not know. 

 

I just thought about something, my back and leg have been hurting me so I started taking 800 mg of ibuprofen 3 x a day for the last several days and I just now, stopped to check it out while I was writing this, looks like there could be a drug interaction and cause dizziness, stomach pain etc.  Maybe this is what is going on.  I will stop taking the ibuprofen and see if this all goes away.  Now that I am thinking about it, it seems like the dizziness is pretty bad about an half hour to hour after I take the ibuprofen.  I am so sensitive to meds.  Never thought these two could interact but considering that the Xanax can cause so many other issues, I should not be surprised.  I will see how it goes tonight and tomorrow and if I am better, I will continue with the cut, otherwise, I will wait another week.

Sorry this is so long!!

 

Be well, I am so sorry your reaction. Benzos are so strange. They stop working and yet you can't stop them. You taper them and they wreak havoc on you!  No one could possibly get just how bad it is unless they go through it themselves.  No truer words could be spoken! 

 

I am so glad that your sxs are not as intense as they used to be.  That means progress.  I am happy to hear that.  Maybe your further along than you thought.  It is so hard to know when you are in the throws of withdrawal.  It is hard to see.  I write down things too and it does help to go back and read what was going on at an earlier time.

 

Thanks for your support.  I do appreciate you more than you know. 

 

I will keep you posted on my situation.  I hope its just the meds.  I know I can not take my Prilosec at the same time in the mornings with Xanax, I have to wait an hour or longer to take the Prilosec because I get loopy if I don't. 

 

Hugs and lots of love,

Julia

[[to...]]

Wow. On day 1?  > >:(I really really hope it stabilizes and is not another drawn out ordeal. I just started a very small cut last night. I mean SMALL for my dosage. I am waiting to see how today goes, and if it goes sideways, I know it's too soon.

 

Be well, I am so sorry your reaction. Benzos are so strange. They stop working and yet you can't stop them. You taper them and they wreak havoc on you!  No one could possibly get just how bad it is unless they go through it themselves.

 

My symptoms were very severe for about 3 months. They are not as intense. It took me a while to realize this. I went back through my notes and saw how much more intense my symptoms were. And I did get 2 days of calm a few days ago (not relief from sxs, but calmness, no raging anxiety,) So I know it does settle down. Put that in my "What can happen, it's normal,"box.

 

Whatever happens, you are wise enough to know to proceed or wait a bit longer.

 

And, strong enough to get through what may come.

 

-Keeping it real, spreading the love.

 

Also -how are you doing today with the cut you made?  I hope it is going good for you!  I am happy for you that you made a cut.  It does not matter how small it is, even small cuts will get you where you want to be.

 

Love Julia  :smitten: :angel: :)

[[ba...]]

Tol-

 

I hope you find resolution with your cut, it might have been too soon.

 

I had to stop taking ibuprofin. And, everything else. My body can not tolerate any medication. That could be part of your problem.

 

My reduction yesterday was a disaster.  Took my regular dose this morning, made it a bit smaller, and it's nasty. Going to make number 2 a bit bigger. That way, I know which way is best to go.

 

I feel like I destabilized my already destabilized self. Back to looking for a tolerable dose within the small range I am in.

 

 

 

[[to...]]

Tol-

 

I hope you find resolution with your cut, it might have been too soon.  Hi Baddove, Thank you.  I agree it might have been too soon.  I am a tiny bit better today but I stopped taking the ibuprofen and I took the dose of Xanax last night that I was taking before the cut on Sunday.  I am still off balance and dizzy and have had a headache and ringing in my ears all day.  Just enough to pluck my nerves. 

 

I had to stop taking ibuprofen. And, everything else. My body can not tolerate any medication. That could be part of your problem.  You could be right.  I have been taking the ibuprofen all along as I needed it but generally only took 1 a day every few weeks or month.  This time I was taking 3 a day and did that for several days.  I stopped it yesterday and now my leg is hurting again.

Go figure.....  I was never allergic to or had a problem with medications before I was cold turkeyed off Xanax.  I then had multiple allergic reactions to prednisone and other meds.  Now I can not take the current vaccine for the Corvid virus because I have had anaphylaxis reactions to meds in the last couple years.  Generally I only take Prilosec, Xanax and a vit D pill each day.

I am sorry you have issues with meds too. 

 

My reduction yesterday was a disaster.  Took my regular dose this morning, made it a bit smaller, and it's nasty. Going to make number 2 a bit bigger. That way, I know which way is best to go.  I am so sorry to hear that it did not go well.  I want you to feel better and do well with your cuts.  I totally understand when a cut is nasty. 

 

I feel like I destabilized my already destabilized self. Back to looking for a tolerable dose within the small range I am in.  I feel bad for you.  I feel like I am unstable right now.  With the dizziness and headaches etc., I feel like accidentally making that dam double cut a month ago has really messed with my brain and it is causing so many issues which kind of surprises me but then again I should not be surprised at all.  Xanax is a horrible and debilitating drug. 

 

I hope your second dose make you better.  Keep me posted.  I am going to take a nap and hope I feel better when I get up.  I hate taking naps but sometimes that is what I have to do to feel better.

 

We WILL get through this!!  We can do this together! All of us!!!!!

 

Love and hugs,

Julia

[[ba...]]

Tol-

 

I hope you find resolution with your cut, it might have been too soon.  Hi Baddove, Thank you.  I agree it might have been too soon.  I am a tiny bit better today but I stopped taking the ibuprofen and I took the dose of Xanax last night that I was taking before the cut on Sunday.  I am still off balance and dizzy and have had a headache and ringing in my ears all day.  Just enough to pluck my nerves. 

 

I had to stop taking ibuprofen. And, everything else. My body can not tolerate any medication. That could be part of your problem.  You could be right.  I have been taking the ibuprofen all along as I needed it but generally only took 1 a day every few weeks or month.  This time I was taking 3 a day and did that for several days.  I stopped it yesterday and now my leg is hurting again.

Go figure..... I was never allergic to or had a problem with medications before I was cold turkeyed off Xanax.  I then had multiple allergic reactions to prednisone and other meds.  Now I can not take the current vaccine for the Corvid virus because I have had anaphylaxis reactions to meds in the last couple years.  Generally I only take Prilosec, Xanax and a vit D pill each day.

I am sorry you have issues with meds too. 

 

My reduction yesterday was a disaster.  Took my regular dose this morning, made it a bit smaller, and it's nasty. Going to make number 2 a bit bigger. That way, I know which way is best to go.  I am so sorry to hear that it did not go well.  I want you to feel better and do well with your cuts.  I totally understand when a cut is nasty. 

 

I feel like I destabilized my already destabilized self. Back to looking for a tolerable dose within the small range I am in.  I feel bad for you.  I feel like I am unstable right now.  With the dizziness and headaches etc., I feel like accidentally making that dam double cut a month ago has really messed with my brain and it is causing so many issues which kind of surprises me but then again I should not be surprised at all.  Xanax is a horrible and debilitating drug. 

 

I hope your second dose make you better.  Keep me posted.  I am going to take a nap and hope I feel better when I get up.  I hate taking naps but sometimes that is what I have to do to feel better.

 

We WILL get through this!!  We can do this together! All of us!!!!!

 

Love and hugs,

Julia

 

I can't take covid either, same reason. Some of my children had allergic reactions to childhood immunizations, so they are also unable to take them I think we are all OK with it. It's just life.

 

So yesterday was a nightmare. Dose 2 sent me to the edge of madness. It was one of he most acute "bad" doses I have had.

 

Went back to 1.12 today. It's not great, but so far, not like yesterday. I am waiting for my brain to fall out of my ears and slide over the balcony into the snow. That is one thing with a really bad episode. You can't fully relax until you know it's not going to be the new "normal. Going to stick with 1.12 even though I don't like it, because going down was way to much. Patience, hope, good attitude as much as possible.

 

For both of us, our bodies are extremely sensitized (I believe,) that anything, known or unknown at this point, can affect us.

I have to go back, and re listen to Claire Weeks to get some sense in my brain. No control over symptoms, but when better, we can practice :floating,: and just get on with it. I have been there many times, and at others, was in too much wd to go out and do things. I don't wait to feel well to go out, because it never happens, I wait to feel determined.

 

I do have my shoes on and snow gear ready. Waiting for that inner, "I am sick of this, I need to go out and do a few things," to hit. Many days I do this, but end up staying house bound. It's only during the acute part of wd that all the stimulation from going to the market would make me worse, not distract me. My stomach is really a mess. I have legit concerns about taking a "toot,' and whoops. That is the only really valid excuse for not being at the store. The withdraw stuff is an issue I have to work more into letting it float, and not being so scared of it.

 

Anticipating better days for all of us.

 

We just need to talk about it, and get it out there, and be as positive as we can that it will improve. 

 

We got this. Maybe not in the moment, but we do.

 

[[to...]]

I can't take covid either, same reason. Some of my children had allergic reactions to childhood immunizations, so they are also unable to take them I think we are all OK with it. It's just life.

 

So yesterday was a nightmare. Dose 2 sent me to the edge of madness. It was one of he most acute "bad" doses I have had.

 

Went back to 1.12 today. It's not great, but so far, not like yesterday. I am waiting for my brain to fall out of my ears and slide over the balcony into the snow. That is one thing with a really bad episode. You can't fully relax until you know it's not going to be the new "normal. Going to stick with 1.12 even though I don't like it, because going down was way to much. Patience, hope, good attitude as much as possible.

 

For both of us, our bodies are extremely sensitized (I believe,) that anything, known or unknown at this point, can affect us.

I have to go back, and re listen to Claire Weeks to get some sense in my brain. No control over symptoms, but when better, we can practice :floating,: and just get on with it. I have been there many times, and at others, was in too much wd to go out and do things. I don't wait to feel well to go out, because it never happens, I wait to feel determined.

 

I do have my shoes on and snow gear ready. Waiting for that inner, "I am sick of this, I need to go out and do a few things," to hit. Many days I do this, but end up staying house bound. It's only during the acute part of wd that all the stimulation from going to the market would make me worse, not distract me. My stomach is really a mess. I have legit concerns about taking a "toot,' and whoops. That is the only really valid excuse for not being at the store. The withdraw stuff is an issue I have to work more into letting it float, and not being so scared of it.

 

Anticipating better days for all of us.

 

We just need to talk about it, and get it out there, and be as positive as we can that it will improve.

 

We got this. Maybe not in the moment, but we do.

 

 

Hi Baddove,

I think I am ok with not getting the vaccine too but my husband who is high risk, wants to and I am hoping he will when it is available.

 

I am sorry that you have had a hard time with the cut.  I am a little better today but I am staying with my prior dose until this dizziness and other sxs go away.  I am wondering if it is still from the cut a month ago.  It very well could be but we will see.

 

I agree with you that our bodies are extremely sensitized.  I can also relate to not going out, I do it when I HAVE to but otherwise, I stay in because I do not know what will happen when I go out and with covid, it has gotten worse because of the anxiety I feel about being around anyone.

 

I would love to have snow.  We do not get snow here often and that sucks but I deal with it.  If you do not mind me asking, what part of the country do you live in? 

 

I agree that we need to talk about it and I too am looking forward to better days for both of us. :smitten:

 

Thanks for all the encouragement and support.

 

Love and hugs, Julia

[[se...]]

I have to agree with you both here, I rarely go out either, same fears.  I would love to wake up from this nightmare to realize it was just a bad dream.

 

I cut 10 days ago and I have been struggling with bouts of anxiety at the strangest times.  I am scared to cut thinking it may get worse.  Thankful for a full night sleep (5 hours without waking) which is rare for me.

 

Thinking of you all and wishing for additional strength to keep moving forward.

[[ba...]]

I can't take covid either, same reason. Some of my children had allergic reactions to childhood immunizations, so they are also unable to take them I think we are all OK with it. It's just life.

 

So yesterday was a nightmare. Dose 2 sent me to the edge of madness. It was one of he most acute "bad" doses I have had.

 

Went back to 1.12 today. It's not great, but so far, not like yesterday. I am waiting for my brain to fall out of my ears and slide over the balcony into the snow. That is one thing with a really bad episode. You can't fully relax until you know it's not going to be the new "normal. Going to stick with 1.12 even though I don't like it, because going down was way to much. Patience, hope, good attitude as much as possible.

 

For both of us, our bodies are extremely sensitized (I believe,) that anything, known or unknown at this point, can affect us.

I have to go back, and re listen to Claire Weeks to get some sense in my brain. No control over symptoms, but when better, we can practice :floating,: and just get on with it. I have been there many times, and at others, was in too much wd to go out and do things. I don't wait to feel well to go out, because it never happens, I wait to feel determined.

 

I do have my shoes on and snow gear ready. Waiting for that inner, "I am sick of this, I need to go out and do a few things," to hit. Many days I do this, but end up staying house bound. It's only during the acute part of wd that all the stimulation from going to the market would make me worse, not distract me. My stomach is really a mess. I have legit concerns about taking a "toot,' and whoops. That is the only really valid excuse for not being at the store. The withdraw stuff is an issue I have to work more into letting it float, and not being so scared of it.

 

Anticipating better days for all of us.

 

We just need to talk about it, and get it out there, and be as positive as we can that it will improve.

 

We got this. Maybe not in the moment, but we do.

 

 

Hi Baddove,

I think I am ok with not getting the vaccine too but my husband who is high risk, wants to and I am hoping he will when it is available.

 

I am sorry that you have had a hard time with the cut.  I am a little better today but I am staying with my prior dose until this dizziness and other sxs go away.  I am wondering if it is still from the cut a month ago.  It very well could be but we will see.

 

I agree with you that our bodies are extremely sensitized.  I can also relate to not going out, I do it when I HAVE to but otherwise, I stay in because I do not know what will happen when I go out and with covid, it has gotten worse because of the anxiety I feel about being around anyone.

 

I would love to have snow.  We do not get snow here often and that sucks but I deal with it.  If you do not mind me asking, what part of the country do you live in? 

 

I agree that we need to talk about it and I too am looking forward to better days for both of us. :smitten:

 

Thanks for all the encouragement and support.

 

Love and hugs, Julia

 

Steamboat Springs, Co. It's a ski/resort  town in The Northern part of the state.

 

Hope everyone is getting through our various issues.

[[to...]]

I have to agree with you both here, I rarely go out either, same fears.  I would love to wake up from this nightmare to realize it was just a bad dream.

 

I cut 10 days ago and I have been struggling with bouts of anxiety at the strangest times.  I am scared to cut thinking it may get worse.  Thankful for a full night sleep (5 hours without waking) which is rare for me.

 

Thinking of you all and wishing for additional strength to keep moving forward.

Hi Seasalt, I would love to wake up and this have all been a bad nightmare that did not take over my life BUT, one day this will be over and we will all living our best lives.  This will go down like 2020 will, as the worst thing we have had to go through in life. 

I know it is hard right now and will be for awhile longer but we will all get to the end and heal.  I have to believe that!  Thank goodness for all the success stories.

Hope your anxiety is getting batter.  I am having some issues with my balance and ears.  It has been rough lately.  Will be going to ENT if this does not get better.

Take care and know I am thinking about you and care.

 

Hugs,

Julia

[[to...]]

I can't take covid either, same reason. Some of my children had allergic reactions to childhood immunizations, so they are also unable to take them I think we are all OK with it. It's just life.

 

So yesterday was a nightmare. Dose 2 sent me to the edge of madness. It was one of he most acute "bad" doses I have had.

 

Went back to 1.12 today. It's not great, but so far, not like yesterday. I am waiting for my brain to fall out of my ears and slide over the balcony into the snow. That is one thing with a really bad episode. You can't fully relax until you know it's not going to be the new "normal. Going to stick with 1.12 even though I don't like it, because going down was way to much. Patience, hope, good attitude as much as possible.

 

For both of us, our bodies are extremely sensitized (I believe,) that anything, known or unknown at this point, can affect us.

I have to go back, and re listen to Claire Weeks to get some sense in my brain. No control over symptoms, but when better, we can practice :floating,: and just get on with it. I have been there many times, and at others, was in too much wd to go out and do things. I don't wait to feel well to go out, because it never happens, I wait to feel determined.

 

I do have my shoes on and snow gear ready. Waiting for that inner, "I am sick of this, I need to go out and do a few things," to hit. Many days I do this, but end up staying house bound. It's only during the acute part of wd that all the stimulation from going to the market would make me worse, not distract me. My stomach is really a mess. I have legit concerns about taking a "toot,' and whoops. That is the only really valid excuse for not being at the store. The withdraw stuff is an issue I have to work more into letting it float, and not being so scared of it.

 

Anticipating better days for all of us.

 

We just need to talk about it, and get it out there, and be as positive as we can that it will improve.

 

We got this. Maybe not in the moment, but we do.

 

 

Hi Baddove,

I think I am ok with not getting the vaccine too but my husband who is high risk, wants to and I am hoping he will when it is available.

 

I am sorry that you have had a hard time with the cut.  I am a little better today but I am staying with my prior dose until this dizziness and other sxs go away.  I am wondering if it is still from the cut a month ago.  It very well could be but we will see.

 

I agree with you that our bodies are extremely sensitized.  I can also relate to not going out, I do it when I HAVE to but otherwise, I stay in because I do not know what will happen when I go out and with covid, it has gotten worse because of the anxiety I feel about being around anyone.

 

I would love to have snow.  We do not get snow here often and that sucks but I deal with it.  If you do not mind me asking, what part of the country do you live in? 

 

I agree that we need to talk about it and I too am looking forward to better days for both of us. :smitten:

 

Thanks for all the encouragement and support.

 

Love and hugs, Julia

 

Steamboat Springs, Co. It's a ski/resort  town in The Northern part of the state.

 

Hope everyone is getting through our various issues.

 

Hi Baddove, That sounds like a beautiful place.  I LOVE the snow but where we are in Myrtle Beach, SC, they say they do not get snow here.  Sad for me but I will deal with it.  Love the beaches but love snow more.

 

How are you doing?  Better I hope.  I am dealing with being off balance and lots of ear pressure and some headaches.  Do not know if it is the cut from a month ago or something else.  If I am not better tomorrow, I am going to make an appointment with the ENT doctor to rule out what's going on.

 

Love and hugs,

Julia

[[ba...]]

Tol-

 

Seeing an ENT doctor just sounds smart. Many of us who have been through so many sxs are acclimated to blame everything that is not well on wd. And, honestly, for the most part it is.

 

Just because something feels like wd, trust your gut. It could be something else.

 

I am doing better in "pieces," that is, functional part of the day. I went to the gym at noon, first time in 2 weeks. But this morning, we really don't want to talk about what was going on at 4 a.m.

 

Mornings remain excruciating, common, I know.

 

It is a very gradual ease off, in that my symptoms are usually calming down enough at some point in the day where I can do what I want to do. Usually around 11:00-2;00, not for that whole time, but in that time frame. NOt enough to resume my normal wd lifestyle, but not in agony all day either. I look forward to resuming daily exercise, be it the gym or yoga.

 

The anxiety/panic attacks remain the symptom I hate the most. More than the physical reactions.

 

However, an hour a day, even 2, where I am not melting with anxiety and panic do  a great deal to keep me encouraged.

 

It has been the "2020," of benzo wd for many of us, the comparison is spot on. and the whole process is our own 2020 to the power of 10 mathematically to begin with. Most people I know in benzo wd are really struggling in a way I have not seen before.

 

Seasalt, how is your cut going? Let us know if you go see an ENT Julia.

 

Lovies :smitten:

 

Any buddies who are reading through these, please join us.

 

 

[[to...]]

Tol-

 

Seeing an ENT doctor just sounds smart. Many of us who have been through so many sxs are acclimated to blame everything that is not well on wd. And, honestly, for the most part it is. Thanks, I think so too.  Most of my problems have in fact been WD but I also know that not everything is.  I have had things to turn out to be something other than the horrible WD I have felt.  Also, my husband is strongly encouraging me to go as he is quite concerned.  So I will call and make an appointment if I am not better by tomorrow.  It will probably be after Christmas before I can be seen but we will see.

 

Just because something feels like wd, trust your gut. It could be something else. Totally agree.

 

I am doing better in "pieces," that is, functional part of the day. I went to the gym at noon, first time in 2 weeks. But this morning, we really don't want to talk about what was going on at 4 a.m.  That is great news.  Progress is all I strive for.  Sorry this morning was hard for you.   

 

Mornings remain excruciating, common, I know.

 

It is a very gradual ease off, in that my symptoms are usually calming down enough at some point in the day where I can do what I want to do. Usually around 11:00-2;00, not for that whole time, but in that time frame. NOt enough to resume my normal wd lifestyle, but not in agony all day either. I look forward to resuming daily exercise, be it the gym or yoga. I relate to that as wel.

Usually after my second dose, around noon, I start to feel like I can get some things done.  then we eat supper around 3 and hubby takes a nap and I get on the computer or watch tv.  I wish I liked going to the gym.  I got a stationary bike a few months ago but have not used it like I should because I have been having issues with my leg.  I need to get on it though.  My doctor says my sugar is becoming borderline and so I need to lose a little weight and watch my sugar.

 

The anxiety/panic attacks remain the symptom I hate the most. More than the physical reactions. My anxiety is not as bad as it used to be and I have not had a panic attack in months, thank goodness.  I had never had panic attacks before the cold turkey, then I had them multiple times a day and they were very intense and scary.  I did not even know at the time that is what they were.  It was a roller coaster ride for months until I found out what was going on which is WD and then I was put back on Xanax and eventually the dose was taken to 3.5 -4 mg a day.  It took me a year to stabilize after I was put back on the Xanax.  I truly thought I was going to die. Sometimes I still get the internal tremors, which I did not understand until I found BB.  I would tell my doctors and they would look at me like I was nuts.  When I found BB, I found out that what I was experiencing was WD and that I needed to taper.  I hope this give you hope and encouragement - even though I do have rough times the further I go down, the better I feel emotionally and physically.  It started almost immediately for me once I started tapering.  I started having hope that I was going to be able to get off this drug and have a life again.  It was hard to know it would take alot of time to get off of this but I am getting there.  Right now is rough but I know I will get better before too long.  I just have to be patient and try to be positive.

 

However, an hour a day, even 2, where I am not melting with anxiety and panic do  a great deal to keep me encouraged.  :smitten:

 

It has been the "2020," of benzo wd for many of us, the comparison is spot on. and the whole process is our own 2020 to the power of 10 mathematically to begin with. Most people I know in benzo wd are really struggling in a way I have not seen before.  You are so right.

I agree with all you said.  It is amazing how this is so hard to start with and put a pandemic on top of it, crazy!!  That gives me great anxiety some days because I am sure you can relate, we are so sensitive to meds and I fear getting ill and not being able to take medications to get better.  I try to not think about it.  When we do not go out anywhere, which is most of the time, I feel so much safer and and my anxiety is controllable but when we do have to go out, I get very anxious and start counting the days since we have been around anyone.  We wear masks and social distance but when you go to a doctors office, who knows how many people have been there and do not have symptons....

 

Seasalt, how is your cut going? Let us know if you go see an ENT Julia. Yes Seasalt, please let us know how your cut is going, hopefully ok.  I will let you guys know if I go or if I get better and do not need to.  I hope it is the latter...

 

Lovies :smitten:  :) :angel: :smitten:

 

Any buddies who are reading through these, please join us.  Yes - that would be great!!!

 

Love and hugs,

Julia

[[ba...]]

Julia:

 

From your response:

It is amazing how this is so hard to start with and put a pandemic on top of it, crazy!!  That gives me great anxiety some days because I am sure you can relate, we are so sensitive to meds and I fear getting ill and not being able to take medications to get better.  I try to not think about it.  When we do not go out anywhere, which is most of the time, I feel so much safer and and my anxiety is controllable but when we do have to go out, I get very anxious and start counting the days since we have been around anyone.  We wear masks and social distance but when you go to a doctors office, who knows how many people have been there and do not have symptoms....

 

Spot on woman! I have never had agoraphobia tendencies until Covid hit.

 

I think Covid has had a horrendous mental impact on most of us. And like all trauma, it is going to take time to work through this new fear, which we catastrophize, and for once, our catastrophizing is actually justified

 

Husband asked me today, "Would you rather have Covid or take the shots?" I said, "The shots." Then I researched the shots, and honestly, so far, they sound much more tolerable then antibiotics which make me insane. I studied RNA and how it works. After that, I am not so afraid of getting the shots. Essentially, you feel like you have the flu, which means they are working. Some aniphylactic responses, but the health care providers have eppy pens, and keep you around for 15-30 minutes to watch for an allergic reaction.

 

My hubby is my life love mate. We have been together over 30 years, and he seldom asks me to do anything I am uncomfortable with. He said it is important to him that I get the shots. I wasn't planning on it. However, this is once in maybe 5 times when he asked me to do something I was not going to do. That is a huge motivation for me as well.

 

Fantastic give and take in here. I really like that we are all staying positive, no matter what hell is going on. And we help each other in many ways, one which is just discussion of issues and how to deal with outcomes.

 

:smitten:

[[se...]]

Hello everyone,

 

I am also nervous about the inoculation, but Covid is not going away.  My UPS driver told me his wife is a nurse and is having the inoculation tomorrow.  I have no doubt she will be fine with it.  My cousin is a police officer and lives with his mother.  He got the virus and inadvertently gave it to his mother.  He said he lost 30 pounds and thought he was going to die.  Last Saturday his mother was having trouble breathing but refused to go by ambulance alone.  He woke the next morning and she had passed.  This is so serious..

 

 

My stomach issues and nausea continue, but I am moving forward tomorrow with my small cut. Pain in my right leg is now bothering me, intense aching.  I just wish I could have break from the constant new symptoms.

 

I am so sorry the rest of you are suffering as well.  It’s nice knowing you all understand, when no one else can.  Big hugs..

[[to...]]

Julia:

 

From your response:

It is amazing how this is so hard to start with and put a pandemic on top of it, crazy!!  That gives me great anxiety some days because I am sure you can relate, we are so sensitive to meds and I fear getting ill and not being able to take medications to get better.  I try to not think about it.  When we do not go out anywhere, which is most of the time, I feel so much safer and and my anxiety is controllable but when we do have to go out, I get very anxious and start counting the days since we have been around anyone.  We wear masks and social distance but when you go to a doctors office, who knows how many people have been there and do not have symptoms....

 

Spot on woman! I have never had agoraphobia tendencies until Covid hit. I was close to it but covid sealed the deal for me.

 

I think Covid has had a horrendous mental impact on most of us. And like all trauma, it is going to take time to work through this new fear, which we catastrophize, and for once, our catastrophizing is actually justified I agree.  Especially when we really do not know everything there is to know about it and keep getting conflicting information.  I go by the science only.

 

Husband asked me today, "Would you rather have Covid or take the shots?" I said, "The shots." Then I researched the shots, and honestly, so far, they sound much more tolerable then antibiotics which make me insane. I studied RNA and how it works. After that, I am not so afraid of getting the shots. Essentially, you feel like you have the flu, which means they are working. Some aniphylactic responses, but the health care providers have eppy pens, and keep you around for 15-30 minutes to watch for an allergic reaction.  I have talked to my doctor and because I am so sensitive at this point he wants me to hold off.  I have not had a reaction to the flu shot so I am hopeful I will not have any with the covid vaccine because I feel I need to get it especially because of my husbands high risk  I have allergic reactions to many meds since the Xanax so I am scared.  I will play it by ear.  It will be a few months before it is our turn so I have time to make a informed decision.  I carry a epi pen 24-7 because xanax has made me become allergic not just to meds but so many other things. .

 

My hubby is my life love mate. We have been together over 30 years, and he seldom asks me to do anything I am uncomfortable with. He said it is important to him that I get the shots. I wasn't planning on it. However, this is once in maybe 5 times when he asked me to do something I was not going to do. That is a huge motivation for me as well.  Congrats on the 30 plus years.

That's awesome.  Sounds like you have a supportive husband like I have.  I tend to listen to him even when I have concerns as I know he will not ever steer me wrong intentionally.

 

Fantastic give and take in here. I really like that we are all staying positive, no matter what hell is going on. And we help each other in many ways, one which is just discussion of issues and how to deal with outcomes.  I agree.  It is great to have some movement on this post as I am hoping others will find it and join in and feel like there is a place for them to come for help and definitely encouragement and support.

 

:smitten:   :smitten: :smitten:

[[to...]]

Hello everyone,

 

I am also nervous about the inoculation, but Covid is not going away.  My UPS driver told me his wife is a nurse and is having the inoculation tomorrow.  I have no doubt she will be fine with it.  My cousin is a police officer and lives with his mother.  He got the virus and inadvertently gave it to his mother.  He said he lost 30 pounds and thought he was going to die.  Last Saturday his mother was having trouble breathing but refused to go by ambulance alone.  He woke the next morning and she had passed.  This is so serious..

 

 

My stomach issues and nausea continue, but I am moving forward tomorrow with my small cut. Pain in my right leg is now bothering me, intense aching.  I just wish I could have break from the constant new symptoms.

 

I am so sorry the rest of you are suffering as well.  It’s nice knowing you all understand, when no one else can.  Big hugs..

Hi Seasalt, I am so sorry about your cousin and the loss of his mother.  That is so sad and I totally agree that this is serious.  I wish people would just do what the doctors say.  I pray for all every night.

I am hoping your symptoms ease us too. The symptoms can be rough and I hate that they seem to change for new ones.  My left leg has been hurting for over a month too.  Gets better when I am up and walking around but it is mainly at night that it is bothering me.  I seem to be a tiny better with the off balance feeling today but my ears are still sore and feel pressure.  I contacted my PCP and he is putting in the referral for me to go to the ENT.  So I will do that as soon as I get it.

 

We appreciate your caring and understanding too.  You are right -no-one can possible understand unless you are going through it. 

 

Take care,

Love and hugs to you as well,

Julia  :angel: :smitten:

[[se...]]

Julia, I have read dizziness is normal when dosing down, it means your healing.  Hoping this improves for you!  Let me know how your ENT visit goes.  Hang in there..

[[to...]]

Hi Seasalt,

Thank you!  I had also read about dizziness too and ear issues but this off balance feeling is pretty intense.  I have to get up so slow and can not make any sudden moves.  My ears feel like they would on an airplane.  It is a little better today but I will make an appointment tomorrow for the ENT doctor.  Will not hurt to be sure.  It has also been going on for a couple weeks or so now so I think it is from the disastrous cut I made over a month ago but not everything is the xanax or tapering.  I have had dizziness months ago but not like this.  The ear thing also but not for this long.

 

If it is me healing , I can get handle it.  I think part of it is not knowing for sure what is going on. 

 

I have also heard the lower you go in dose the harder it is and the worse symptoms can get...

 

I hope your cut goes well.  I am thinking about you!

 

Hugs,

Julia

[[to...]]

Hi everyone, I hope everyone is hanging in there. I'm doing ok. Dizziness is a little better. Waiting to get referral to go to Ent.

 

Merry Christmas everyone.

Hugs,

Julia

[[Lo...]]

Hello All!

 

It's been quite a while since I've been on this site.  I purposely took a break in order to regroup.  As you can see by my signature, it's been a very, very, long journey!  I haven't had a chance to go through this thread to see how all are doing but I will do so over the next few days.

 

As you can see by my signature, I took a long break holding at 1 mg.  When I did the updose and hold, I had no intention of holding as long as I did but here we are.  It took a solid month or two to stabilize (for as stable as we get during this process) but once I did, I knew that I had made the right decision.  I had become literally bed and/or sofa bound and finally thought to myself, "Enough is enough!"  In hindsight, I think God was looking out for me.  I was able to have a nice Christmas last year, followed by a bout of the flu  which I didn't stress over, spent some wonderful quality time with my son, sent him back off to his final semester at NYU, and then all hell broke loose in the world!  By early March my son was home after coming from what was then our nations hot spot, two weeks spent in his room, final college semester done online, virtual graduation, and the rest is history.  But through all of this, I was able to function better than I have in over two years.  I lost a dear friend to a sudden heart attack at only 51 years old on Labor Day while we were all at the beach and handled it.  My Uncle passed away from Covid several months ago and was ablt to handle that as well.  Another heart surgery for my mom, bad marriage, being couped up together for 10 months, .... the list goes on.  Handled it! 

 

So here I am, after that long hold, ready to tackle this last milligram! 

 

I'll share with you a few things I've learned during my hold with the hope that they might help others who are struggling:

 

1)  That "listen to your body" phrase is REAL!  I was going way to fast and didn't realize it.  I truly believe that slowing down gave my CNS a chance to catch up.  Don't beat yourself up!

 

2) Someone else's pace is not yours!  I think we look on here, become friendly with people, see their signatures and progress and beat ourselves up if we are lagging behind. Please don't do this!  I've seen people who have appeared to "rock" a taper only to be slammed for 2 years because they went to fast.  I've also seen people who do a relatively quick taper, have a few bumps, but end up doing extremely well!  And then there are those who have had a horrible taper only to feel fantastic within a few months after they jump.  There truly is no "one size fits all" .... stick with the pace that is right for you!

 

3)    Knowledge is empowering, support is appreciated, but ignorance at times would have been BLISS!

Taking a break from 24/7 benzo EVERYTHING (we already have to weigh pills, following a dosing schedule, deal with side effects, etc) was a blessing!  Sometimes you just need to get out of your own head and step away for a bit.  Finding this site provided knowledge (since not many doctors had none), and the initial support I received was reassuring but spending hours upon hours here seeing negative stories and genuine suffering did NOT help my cause.  If I didn't have a symptom yet, I lived in fear of getting it!  Don't get me wrong, my heart breaks for every single one of this going through this process.  It's not what we signed up for and I WAS one of those bedbound 24/7 symptoms people.  I have great empathy for all who are suffering.  However, sometimes we need to back away from the "misery loves company" mindset in order to regroup.  That's what I did.  I was one of those people who scoured every post following every symptom possible.  It was exhausting, scary and left me feeling defeated and often hopeless.  I think it's important to be informed but too much information can be damaging. 

 

4) Get your body moving if you can!  I did NOT do this for two years.  To be honest, I felt too sick!  However, I paid dearly for it with muscle atrophy, weakness, terrible muscle pain, .... the list goes on!  Benzo's have affected my entire body!  For the first year of the taper I went from a healthy 102 lbs (I'm only 5' 2" and very petite) to a scary 89 lbs!  I honestly thought I had cancer!  I was eating like crazy but could not put on a pound!  I had too many test to count to try to find out what was wrong - so far, nothing is!  Then, after 6 months of holding, I gained 20 pounds!  Here I am, for the first time in my life, trying to lose weight!    Unreal!  But several weeks ago I started riding a stationary bike.  I was terrified at first!  I didn't think I'd last more than 5 minutes. Low an behold I did 20.  I got right back at it the next day and did it again, the following week was 30 minutes.  I alternate 30 and 45 minutes each day and I can't begin to tell you how much it's helped.  I still can't lift any type of weights or do upper body excersises because my muscles are far too tight.  I pay dearly for days if I try.  But once again, stick with what works... with what your body can handle, and don't beat yourself up if you can only do a little! 

 

5)  Identify your triggers or what exacerbates your symptoms.  This is a big one.  For some reason eating a large meal for me is a disaster.  Within 20 minutes my syptoms rev up and I have to literally take myself to bed!  Hence, I'm now eating very small meals several times per day. 

I'm not going to list anymore of my triggers because I don't want to make them yours but know that just changing some behaviors can make a positive difference.

 

I could probably go on for hours, but I need to get things done around the house.  I just started this journey off the 1 milligram of Xanax and to be honest, who knows how this will go!  The only thing that I know right now is that I'm not afraid any longer!  Am I frustrated, annoyed and just plain pissed that I have to keep doing this?  ABSOLUTELY!  I'd love to just thrown this bottle of poision down the drain and never look back.  But, we all know how that goes.  So, here I am, with more clarity of thought than I've had in 4 years, ready to take on this last leg of this pretty shitty ride.  Good times!  LOL!

 

Hope all are hanging in there and doing well!  Will check back in and read prior posts soon.  Sending healing hugs to all!

 

Love,

Lori

 

PS: I haven't had a chance to proof this... I'm afraid too!  LOL  Please forgive any (or many) typos.

PSS:  I must add.... this is not all rosey!  I have symptoms every single day.  They never completely let up with the hold.  They simply became less intense.  The muscle stuff is still pretty bad.  But again, at least I had many days when I could function. 

 

 

[[to...]]

Hello All!

 

It's been quite a while since I've been on this site.  I purposely took a break in order to regroup.  As you can see by my signature, it's been a very, very, long journey!  I haven't had a chance to go through this thread to see how all are doing but I will do so over the next few days.

 

As you can see by my signature, I took a long break holding at 1 mg.  When I did the updose and hold, I had no intention of holding as long as I did but here we are.  It took a solid month or two to stabilize (for as stable as we get during this process) but once I did, I knew that I had made the right decision.  I had become literally bed and/or sofa bound and finally thought to myself, "Enough is enough!"  In hindsight, I think God was looking out for me.  I was able to have a nice Christmas last year, followed by a bout of the flu  which I didn't stress over, spent some wonderful quality time with my son, sent him back off to his final semester at NYU, and then all hell broke loose in the world!  By early March my son was home after coming from what was then our nations hot spot, two weeks spent in his room, final college semester done online, virtual graduation, and the rest is history.  But through all of this, I was able to function better than I have in over two years.  I lost a dear friend to a sudden heart attack at only 51 years old on Labor Day while we were all at the beach and handled it.  My Uncle passed away from Covid several months ago and was ablt to handle that as well.  Another heart surgery for my mom, bad marriage, being couped up together for 10 months, .... the list goes on.  Handled it! 

 

So here I am, after that long hold, ready to tackle this last milligram! 

 

I'll share with you a few things I've learned during my hold with the hope that they might help others who are struggling:

 

1)  That "listen to your body" phrase is REAL!  I was going way to fast and didn't realize it.  I truly believe that slowing down gave my CNS a chance to catch up.  Don't beat yourself up!

 

2) Someone else's pace is not yours!  I think we look on here, become friendly with people, see their signatures and progress and beat ourselves up if we are lagging behind. Please don't do this!  I've seen people who have appeared to "rock" a taper only to be slammed for 2 years because they went to fast.  I've also seen people who do a relatively quick taper, have a few bumps, but end up doing extremely well!  And then there are those who have had a horrible taper only to feel fantastic within a few months after they jump.  There truly is no "one size fits all" .... stick with the pace that is right for you!

 

3)    Knowledge is empowering, support is appreciated, but ignorance at times would have been BLISS!

Taking a break from 24/7 benzo EVERYTHING (we already have to weigh pills, following a dosing schedule, deal with side effects, etc) was a blessing!  Sometimes you just need to get out of your own head and step away for a bit.  Finding this site provided knowledge (since not many doctors had none), and the initial support I received was reassuring but spending hours upon hours here seeing negative stories and genuine suffering did NOT help my cause.  If I didn't have a symptom yet, I lived in fear of getting it!  Don't get me wrong, my heart breaks for every single one of this going through this process.  It's not what we signed up for and I WAS one of those bedbound 24/7 symptoms people.  I have great empathy for all who are suffering.  However, sometimes we need to back away from the "misery loves company" mindset in order to regroup.  That's what I did.  I was one of those people who scoured every post following every symptom possible.  It was exhausting, scary and left me feeling defeated and often hopeless.  I think it's important to be informed but too much information can be damaging. 

 

4) Get your body moving if you can!  I did NOT do this for two years.  To be honest, I felt too sick!  However, I paid dearly for it with muscle atrophy, weakness, terrible muscle pain, .... the list goes on!  Benzo's have affected my entire body!  For the first year of the taper I went from a healthy 102 lbs (I'm only 5' 2" and very petite) to a scary 89 lbs!  I honestly thought I had cancer!  I was eating like crazy but could not put on a pound!  I had too many test to count to try to find out what was wrong - so far, nothing is!  Then, after 6 months of holding, I gained 20 pounds!  Here I am, for the first time in my life, trying to lose weight!    Unreal!  But several weeks ago I started riding a stationary bike.  I was terrified at first!  I didn't think I'd last more than 5 minutes. Low an behold I did 20.  I got right back at it the next day and did it again, the following week was 30 minutes.  I alternate 30 and 45 minutes each day and I can't begin to tell you how much it's helped.  I still can't lift any type of weights or do upper body excersises because my muscles are far too tight.  I pay dearly for days if I try.  But once again, stick with what works... with what your body can handle, and don't beat yourself up if you can only do a little! 

 

5)  Identify your triggers or what exacerbates your symptoms.  This is a big one.  For some reason eating a large meal for me is a disaster.  Within 20 minutes my syptoms rev up and I have to literally take myself to bed!  Hence, I'm now eating very small meals several times per day. 

I'm not going to list anymore of my triggers because I don't want to make them yours but know that just changing some behaviors can make a positive difference.

 

I could probably go on for hours, but I need to get things done around the house.  I just started this journey off the 1 milligram of Xanax and to be honest, who knows how this will go!  The only thing that I know right now is that I'm not afraid any longer!  Am I frustrated, annoyed and just plain pissed that I have to keep doing this?  ABSOLUTELY!  I'd love to just thrown this bottle of poision down the drain and never look back.  But, we all know how that goes.  So, here I am, with more clarity of thought than I've had in 4 years, ready to take on this last leg of this pretty shitty ride.  Good times!  LOL!

 

Hope all are hanging in there and doing well!  Will check back in and read prior posts soon.  Sending healing hugs to all!

 

Love,

Lori

 

PS: I haven't had a chance to proof this... I'm afraid too!  LOL  Please forgive any (or many) typos.

PSS:  I must add.... this is not all rosey!  I have symptoms every single day.  They never completely let up with the hold.  They simply became less intense.  The muscle stuff is still pretty bad.  But again, at least I had many days when I could function.

 

Hi Lori,

I am so glad to see you back.  I have thought about you so many times wondering how you were doing.  I am sorry about your friend and uncle passing.  Also that your Mom had another surgery.  All hard things to deal with and I am glad you have done well.

 

I appreciate your post and know things have been really difficult for you.  But - it sounds like you are doing so much better and that makes me smile.

 

I got a stationary bike too and started riding it daily but then had to stop because of my leg but am going to start back today, I had already planned that as I have gained some weight from all the inactivity from not being able to do things because of covid.  Tomorrow will be 2 years since I started my taper.  Some of the taper has been much harder than others but I am still going.  I am now at .6875 mg a day.  Planning to do another cut next Sunday. 

 

I am glad you are here and glad you feel comfortable enough to continue your taper.

 

You have been missed. 

 

Love and hugs,

Julia  :smitten:

[[ba...]]

Lori,

 

So glad your back in touch. I agree with everything you said. There is much wisdom in your post.

 

Also much strength, as you were able to cope with the traumas of your past year and not become decimated.

 

We go through so many phases getting off of this. Some don't work so well, some do. It's a learning process unique to each of us. We tend to look at some of the things we have or have not done as mistakes. However, they are not. They are finding our way , and we are our own Guinea pigs.

 

Here is the best  part of your post:

 

I just started this journey off the 1 milligram of Xanax and to be honest, who knows how this will go!  The only thing that I know right now is that I'm not afraid any longer!  Am I frustrated, annoyed and just plain pissed that I have to keep doing this?  ABSOLUTELY!  I'd love to just thrown this bottle of poison down the drain and never look back.  But, we all know how that goes.  So, here I am, with more clarity of thought than I've had in 4 years, ready to take on this last leg of this pretty shitty ride.  Good times!  LOL!

 

You have learned to accept the process. Fear no longer holds you back from going forward. You are ready to go through whatever it takes. This is the place many of us need to get to to get through tapering. You may waffle, but your will and intent will carry you through.

 

Looking forward to hearing from you in the days to come.

[[to...]]

Hi everyone,

Well, it's been 2 years today since I started my taper.  I have gone from 3.5 - 4 mg of xanax down to .6875 mg.  I am so grateful for the support and encouragement from the people here on BB.  Without you, I do not know what would have happened to me.  I do not know that I would have survived this horrible experience.  There have been really rough times and there have been times that have been quite tolerable.  Right now I am having a semi tough time but I am going to get through it and keep going as I am hoping and praying 2021 will be my year to get off this drug and heal.  I have no idea how much longer this will take me but I know I will persist and do my best to stay positive and keep going.

 

Thanks to all who have been here for me and for BB being here to help so many.

 

Love and hugs,

Julia