Hi (Clonazepam buddie)

[[So...]]

Have a good nap Welchie. I always like tough love too - we need to hear the truth!

 

I like how you ended the post - every day is truly one day closer to finishing this whole thing.

[[Sa...]]

I still don’t know what happened to me last night. I had hot flashes and anxiety all night.  Was it withdrawal? Hormones? Heart burn? Stress?? All four??  Oh well, today stabilized thankfully and I feel good going into tonight.

 

It’s amazing how slow this goes.

 

What’s new with you guys? How was your sleep?

[[We...]]

Saige - those were my early sx too...would wake up at 3 with incredible anxiety and sheets soaking wet, shivering and sweating at the same time and it got worse between .5 and .25 K.  It will pass...  I'm post menopausal, but the benzos mess with all your hormones too, young or old I think.

 

More snow today...I am soooo ready for a little warmth and sunshine.  Hope you had a better night Saige.  Hope you had a good eve Pete.  I think it's great you can handle going to the grocery store and all that.  I'm going to have to tackle the agoraphobia once the weather breaks a little.  Peeling back the layers of the onion.

[[So...]]

Hi Welchie and Saige -

 

Hope your wave ended Saige. I was up last night at 4:30am and been up since and today has been wave-y but is starting to mellow out - funny how nights are always better than days, almost wish it was the other way around. I am more a day person now (was a total night owl when I was a teenager and in my 20s).

 

Snowed here yesterday...but sunny today. hello Global Warming.

 

Going to watch some TV tonight then read then bed and pray I sleep until 5am - so crazy that 5am means a good night. Oh well...

 

How are you both?

[[Sa...]]

Ugh, so frustrating. Does bacopa still help? I had a good night and a good day.  I’m holding pretty steady though and will probably make a bigger cut next week. I’m really hoping you both are doing well and get good sleep tonight!!

[[So...]]

Hi my buddies!

 

So some big news: I thought I had tapered using the liquid from 2.99mg to 2.93mg but really I had tapered from 2.9mg to 2.3mg - so I am now at 2.3mg. a 20% cut in a week. Yikes. But also: Wow.

 

It was because I am SO dumb with math and was just using the 10ml syringe and thought I was doing it all right - but no. The thing is, I feel stable and fine. I didn't notice the cuts day to day (granted it's only been a week). I am a fast metabolizer so I usually feel cuts pretty fast even though Valium creeps up on you. I was advised to maybe up-dose and start again but instead I am going to slow it down to 2mg then hold there for 7-10 days and see if I feel stable then start tapering again. I am secretly glad I messed up and am lower. And relieved I feel good.

 

The only bad waves I have had are from one night of Benadryl (didn't sleep a wink but was nervous about a work thing the next day) and the 2 nights I took a low dose of Trazadone to sleep (first night I slept more than I had in months, the second night I woke up and felt awful the whole next day - NEVER taking Trazadone again). So I do feel lucky.

 

Anyway, thought I would report from the 2.3mg mark...can't believe I am here honestly.

 

How are you both doing? Saige, the Bacopa worked the first time so well - but could have been placebo affect. The few other times I have taken it, it might have helped but nothing dramatic. The only thing I take now is a beta blocker when my heart races and that always works.

 

Feeling pretty OK today - a little fatigued (woke up at 3am) but nothing like yesterday which was rough.

 

Tell me how you guys are and what's new with my two faves on BBs.

 

Pete

[[Sa...]]

Oh my gosh!!! That’s awesome!  You went through it without even knowing it.  Congrats, that’s a huge cut and you managed so well considering!  Im doing okay, more anxious than I would like but holding steady.  Have a relative coming into town and we’re going to go get messages overlooking the ocean so hopefully I’ll calm down and enjoy that!🤣. I’m stressed about getting a message ugh.  Oh well it’s just another day in coping boot camp where I’m hopefully retraining my brain to calm down and let go of the worries. The puppy is leaving tomorrow I think, I get teary about  that but my dog just makes it to hard for him so it will be better for everyone.  What’s everyone doing for the weekend?  As I sit in this quiet room I can hear my tinnitus and it makes me happy! I can hear my brain healing.  It’s actually a preferable sound to the electric company workers jack hammering my street outside 🤣.  Sending hugs to you guys and hoping it’s a good day, but bad days heal us too right? 

[[So...]]

Enjoy that massage! I had a little panic about my haircut weirdly but it was fine. Overlooking the ocean...I am very jealous!

Yes - these bad moments are healing...out brains are rewiring and resetting.

 

I had a good morning and then a little wave but getting better. Going to go for a walk in the cold soon...

 

Can you believe I cut 20% in a week? Crazy - but i survived...going to hold here at 2.3 for a little and make sure I am stable before I continue to taper more.

 

Watching the Oscars this weekend. Used to go to LA and the Vanity Fair party for so many years so kind of sad to be in NYC but oh well...

 

Puppy is leaving...awww...let us know how that goes and give him a big hug before he leaves.

 

Sending you guys love and windows today!

[[Sa...]]

No I can’t believe you did 20% just like that!  But you did!! And now your on the other side.  Best math mess up ever! 🤣. Massage was amazing, should be a requirement in going through this process. I did get panicky but let it pass.  Gonna start lowering tomorrow I think yikes. Where’s Welchie??

[[So...]]

Welchie....are you there? We miss you.

 

Glad the massage was great  -sounds blissful. I didn't sleep so great last night and this morning has been rough. Hoping I can stay stable on this 2.3mg for a week and start tapering slowly again.

 

Happy Saturday to you both 

[[We...]]

Welchie is still here you two characters!!!  I'm somewhere between eat-sleep-eat-sleep....

 

So Saige, you're off having massages?  Was he six foot two and named Hanz?  Was it gooood and very good?  I miss going for massages.  I go to someone I've known for almost twenty five years and she's awesome.  Truly Julie.  And she finds every little nook.

 

Pete - your accidental cut is awesome!!  Steady as she goes...  Hang tight with whatever it throws at you, and I know how hard mornings can be.  When my sx switched to the evening and I was getting muscle aches and headaches, it was easier to deal with than those rascal mornings.  Try not to go back, hon.  We have to show those benzos who's boss.  Bring it on!!!

 

Well, call me spoiled rotten too.  Hub is about to make the princess of pain here some breakfast.  Don't know why he puts up with me.  Anyone else would have me in divorce court by now.  I even managed a shower.  A friend on another thread suggested we start a new thread called 'how long since you've had your last shower?'.  Bet we would have gotten a few interesting answers.  I still have some sensory sensitivity.  And showers still feel like sensory overload.  But smell overload wins out every time.   

 

Was reading Theway2 on another thread.  I just love whatever he has to say.  This time he said...You have to learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.  Work with symptoms, not against them, and accept the reality of what's happening.  I needed to be reminded of that again.  And probably many more time.  The road is long, you know?

 

You two sound like your managing ok, despite it all.

 

[[So...]]

Hi Welchie - your husband sounds awesome!

 

I like TheWay's post too - he is very insightful and on the money with a lot that he says.

 

I haven't showered yet and also need to shave - why are such simple things such a big chore? I wish I could get over it soon.

 

The big jump I did...20% I think so not too crazy but big nonetheless. I am going to hold here to make sure I am OK before I start tapering again and then go much slower.

 

Massage sounded great. Haha about "Hantz."

 

I wonder about saunas - some say they are great but worry they detox the Valium out of me and that I will feel worse after with my body wanting more of the drug.

 

I did cave in and try Magnesium Glycinate this morning and maybe it was a placebo but my bad morning anxiety chilled out some.

 

Going to watch TV, vacuum, shower (and shave!) and then go to some errands outside.

 

Hope my two buddies are having a great Saturday!

[[We...]]

Funny - I was just about to order some magnesium glycinate off vitacost this morning.  Let me know if you get consistently good results with it, will ya?  Everywhere online I see it's supposedly the best and most effective - not just on BB.  Have been using citrate and can't handle much of it.

 

I have a sauna and haven't used it for a long time.  It's more that I'm too exhausted to sit up for the whole sweaty half hour.  But I always feel better after I use it.  It seems to help with muscle tension and true relaxation, versus the tired and wired I've grown used to.

 

So glad you're still not having a mega reaction with the 20% - maybe you are at an mg high enough that it's not effecting you too much.  (There seems to be a certain range of mg in cuts where it can slam someone.)  Maybe you won't have to deal with that at all.  Hopefully.

 

Well, at least I don't have to shave.  Unless I decide to buzz cut the hair.  (One of my sx was hair loss - which is finally turning around)

 

More snow tomorrow!!!  OH YAY!!!

 

[[So...]]

Jealous you have a sauna Welchie - I would love that or a steam room. I have yet to try and Epson salt bath but might give it a go today.

 

I am handling the 20% cut so far - but it has only been a day so have to wait a week.

 

Been house cleaning which is now like exercise to me and I used to work out so much. Really hope I can start slowly building exercise into my healing soon.

 

My friend suffered hair loss, a woman, when she c/t-ed Valium and Ambien - it all grew back fast. I haven't had that happen to me. I still always have the same 2 or 4 s/x which I guess I should just embrace but it's hard to try and accept feeling so blah.

[[Sa...]]

I started taking mag in pretty high doses so many years ago and I couldn’t imagine life without it.  It helps all systems, but especially nerves. I love it.  I would love to have a sauna, especially this winter.  It was shockingly sunny and warm af the spa yesterday and I got sun.  I was happy to get the color but a day of sun also revs up symptoms.  So annoying because I love the sun!  My hair started thinning too and it’s so upsetting!! I started using biotin products and it’s been helping.  I’m going to cut tonight, I think I will move to about .35.🤗. I get small waves but overall I’m feeling good.  Praying this and the rest of the cuts go well.  Happy Saturday 🎉

[[So...]]

I didn't know sun could rev up s/x...our CNS are so sensitive to everything.

 

Welchie is in the hair loss thread I know. My friend Salaberry is too. I haven't had this happen so wonder if it effects women more. I will say that my friend who did a horrid c/t off of Valium and Ambien lost tons of hair and then it all grew back so don't panic as distressing as it is.

 

Good luck with the cut Saige. Let us know what happens. I am so wanting to cut but after my mistakenly huge 20% cut, I am holding here for a week...

[[Sa...]]

Yes, I would hold too. You’re ahead of the game! I am so hopeful that my hair will come in thicker, I haven’t really been off Benzos for an extended period since I was 20, so my adult life basically.  I am so hopeful to regain a new life where I can do things I did when I was young. Thanks for the support for my next cut, each one seems more daunting as you get lower!

[[So...]]

You are doing great Saige and so low. When do you think you'll step off? I forgot if you told us already.

 

Do not fear the hair - my friend had a major cold turkey and she got all her hair back that was lost and then some.

 

I am holding here for a week or so...I am so anxious to just taper away but know I need to go slow to get out of this safely and smoothly.

 

Head is hurting today. Won't it be great when we all write success stories?

[[Sa...]]

Yes success stories, I will cry at all three. The first time I went off I was 28 and I remember a headache that lasted for weeks, but I went too fast and wasn’t precise in measuring.  This time has been much better, I think the slow pace and long holds helped.  I originally had an April date but now I think I might take some more time at the lower doses.  I can’t call it jumping. For some reason that gives me anxiety. I don’t know what to call it....skipping? Haha I don’t know I just need calming happy words.

[[So...]]

I agree Saige - I don't like the word "jump" at all and everyone uses it on here. I like to say I am walking off...skipping works too as it seems happy

 

I don't have a date yet and that is hard as this whole process is lengthy and seems to change when you least expect it to.

 

My head is so heavy tonight and not feeling my best. I miss feeling "normal" - didn't leave the house today which I know is bad but just didn't feel great. I always hope tomorrow will be better - a window. I want us all to have windows all the time.

 

Welchie - hope you are doing well.

[[Sa...]]

When you really look at the magnitude of this fight, not leaving the house is so fine if you don’t need to.  Sleeping when we can, not overworking or even doing anything sometimes is what we need to do right now.  This is harder than heroine, and such a long grueling battle.  I try to quiet that voice that tries to make me feel guilty.  It’s hard though so I get it.  It is hard when those around don’t grasp the size or complexity of this.  Welchie I’m so glad you gave such great support.  Pete you said you worked? That would be really hard for me during this.  Good for you.  You are probably still stabilizing Pete.  Hoping tonight goes well!

[[So...]]

Thanks Saige for addressing this - people can't comprehend what we are dealing with. I know SO many people who still take benzos and sleeping pills and have for years and I wonder if they have any clue what it would be like for them to stop...I doubt it.

 

I am going to go out tomorrow. Today was an off day for sure but I did vacuum and clean and all that stuff so that was my "workout"

 

And my wavey day opened up to a kind of window tonight.

 

I joined the hair loss thread Welchie started and it's all bad-ass babes - it got moved to Off Topic. And I also started a Trivia Gamw thread there too so we can exercise our benzo brains - come join if you are bored or just want to have some fun.

 

Hope you're both having a great Saturday night. I love that this intro has turned into 15 pages of friendship posts. 

[[Sa...]]

Ohh I love it!  Not sure I should be so excited about joining trivia and hair loss threads, but I’m on my way! 🤣🤣🤣

[[Sa...]]

Oh my gosh Pete I just read about your experience with your acting teacher.  I am so sorry this happened to you! I’m also so glad you shared it, I think we need a place to be open as we go through all of this.  Our struggle unfortunately is so aligned with our emotional state and events that effect that are significant and this is the best time to move through all of this.  So thanks for helping be and others to open up!  I have lots of friends in the same industry and there seems to br so much if that in it.  Anyway, trying not to google John Wayne!

[[So...]]

Thank you Saige for that. Felt good to open up about it in a safe space. Benzos dampen emotions and experiences...it's healthy to let it out.

 

The questions in the trivia thread ain't easy!