Hi (Clonazepam buddie)

[[Sa...]]

Hi guys! I’m back in my room for a break. Loud (ear bursting loud) music at dance competitions aren’t ideal. Also, i feel a bit self conscious because these moms are used to me being the first one at the bar and outgoing etc.  I’m trying to be outgoing but it’s more of a struggle and I just hope it’s not too obvious.  It’s nuce to have my new friends I can talk to during this haha, so surreal.  Hope you’re sleeping well!!!! My waves have not been predictabl except that stress seems to trigger them. I’m not able to handle much.  I wouldn’t mind wasting about 5-10 pounds lol!  But I’m glad that you are gaining because that did sound a bit scary.  K night guys!

[[Sa...]]

Oh also, why is chocolate bad? I’m looking at some haha

[[So...]]

I always wonder if I look or seem different or "off" too - I hope not.

I think chocolate is on the "no" list (sadly) but I do have some dark chocolate here and there,

 

Going to read and hit the hay early - hope you both have a peaceful night sleep and we shall resume our buddy chat tomorrow

 

Sweet dreams!

[[Sa...]]

How was everyone’s night?  Mine was pretty good!  I feel good today. 

[[So...]]

That is great to hear Saige! I slept well and have been OK today - mornings are always tough but then the day gets better.

 

How are you Welchie?

 

I have been reading about Gingko Bilboa - again, so much positive and negative feedback and many say to start it after the taper is done if at all - I get stuck in these holes of looking for a cure...I know time is the cure but always hope something can help along the way.

 

Hope you guys are having a fun Saturday!

[[We...]]

Glad to hear you two had a decent night.  Know what you mean about scrounging around for SOMETHING that will help.  This sure is a mighty big exercise in patience and trust.  I keep looking for those posts that say...hey...everything was great after just a couple months!!!  Guess I'll keep looking.

 

Saige....I applaud you for getting through this with kids.  Some days it's a challenge to take care of my cat!!  So glad you're having a good day.  Enjoy!!

 

Feeling a little like the lead role in the exorcist this morning    Par for the course I suppose.  Mostly I'm dealing with what the benzos uncovered emotionally.  It's all good.  And I know it's a gift actually. 

 

The weighted blanket worked too good I napped too much too late in the day yesterday.  A mixed blessing.

 

Have either of you ever checked out earthclinic.com ?

[[Ja...]]

I would like to know if 10mg Diazapam/Valium is equal to 1mg Lorazapam. 

[[We...]]

The Ashton Manual probably has that answer for you...

[[So...]]

Jay: I think 1mg Lorazapem is equal to 8mg of Valium but double check that.

[[So...]]

Hi!

 

I just went to earthclinic.com  - of course I immediately searched "Benzo Withdrawal"...that is where my brain is too much.

 

The nap with the weighted blanket sounds really nice Welchie. What kind of cat do you have? How old?

 

Saige, how old are you kids?

 

I am just plugging through the day, feeling a little off like usual...but going to go buy some healthy food at the grocery store. I wish I had more energy to get out more - agoraphobia is not fun (and so not my personality).

 

How is your Saturday?

[[We...]]

Sober - I plunged into looking for benzo withdrawal too and didn't find anything.  But when I checked something like anxiety or depression or hair fall etc. got some good hits.  I figure I have to take most of what they say on that site in stride.  It's just folks trying to find their answers because docs are leaving them high and dry.  But there's some good info.  When I looked up anxiety...noticed a couple of posters mentioned benzos.

 

Yeah...it sucks being agoraphobic.  I think mine is a little more complex, but agoraphobia is definitely part of not wanting to go out.  It's also cold intolerance and not able to push through mega exhaustion and such.  What's weird is when I do push through and go out, I actually feel much better.  It's not my personality either to be so frigging house bound.  There's a hint of spring in the air here today and looking forward to some spring renewal.  Just getting out in the sun to do some yard work and playing in the dirt would be fun.  Fresh air and sunshine... 

 

My cat is part of a litter I rescued a few years back.  She's a sweetie and a little pipsqueak cuz her mom was abandoned and malnourished.  Actually, I rescued the pregnant mom and the litter followed.  She's a real beauty too...looks like she should be posing for a glam shot for a calendar but prefers playing in the dirt....like her human mother.

 

So what about you???  How the heck do you deal with all the hustle and bustle of the big city while in withdrawal.  Have you lived in NYC your whole life?  Have 'fun' at the grocery store.  Bet you're an excellent cook too.  The type where people 'high five' each other when they get an invitation from you!!

[[Sa...]]

Jay if you google “convert diazepam calculator” you should ge able to find the calculator.

 

I love earthclinic, I use it for everything!  Apple cider vinegar seems to always be the answer there lol so I drink that when I remember and haven’t had any I’ll effects.  I think I would wait in the ginkgo because while it might help with memory, i don’t think it helps with the nervous system and that’s so delicate right now.  Sooo delicate, I just had mine triggered by a dance mom ugh.  I was doing really too...this is a good time to practice letting it alllll go   

 

My babies are 8 and 14.  They are my life, really loving kids who support me going through this amazingly well.  It helps to force myself to forget the symptoms and be good for them.  I thought I wouldn’t be able to do it, but so far it’s been ok.  Dance competitions are extremely stressful and extremely pointless.  The journey to the competition has value but this part can be rediculous.  Oh well,  Sorry I’m so self focused again....that’s what I need to work on.  Welchie you cat sounds adorable!! I was a cat person but my husband says no to cats  We have a 150 pound dog. Haha.  Welchie I’m really hoping you get relief soon. I have heard stories where people recover in months but like you said sometimes it uncovers things we need to deal with first.  Hoping that is all being processed and resolved soon for you!  Have a good day guys

[[We...]]

Saige - lovely about your kids...there's nothing like a mamma bear working it hard for the little ones...a force to be reckoned with!!!  No apologies about being self focused.  It's what we need to heal.

 

Jay - what goes on?  Did you get your answer?  How's the healing path treating you?

 

Well, I'm happy to report that the wave is passing.  Phew! If I didn't know about the ups and downs of it all, I be diagnosing schizophrenia....like...I used to be schizophrenic but we're ok now 

 

I don't have much benzo free time in yet, but am beginning to notice the cycle.  It's true, methinks, that it does get a little worse before it gets better.  Don't know why, but have seen the pattern three times in about a month.  Just something to throw out there for you guys when sx are getting you down.

[[Sa...]]

Hahaha welchie, that’s hilarious.

 

So happy to hear you are feeling decent!! Can you believe how excited we get about feeling “semi decent!!!” Yay!!

 

 

[[So...]]

Hi Saige and Welchie -

 

Always "semi-decent" at night...

 

Welchie: so great that you rescued the mama cat - I wish I could see photos. My mom has a cat named Bundle who loves me. Cats and dogs always seem to like me though. I don't trust people who don't like pets or animals...

 

Saige: 8 and 10 - what great ages. My niece who is in LA too is 10 and I adore her so much! Kids are the BEST.

 

Hope you guys are both feeling well!

 

I went down the rabbit hole today about L-Theanine and went and grabbed a bottle at Whole Foods and took 100mg at 9pm - it doesn't seem too dangerous a supplement and people told me it helps quell anxiety and promote better sleep - I will report back tomorrow and if it doesn't work, into the cabinet it goes...it is one supplement that I read more good things than bad and I read  A LOT about it.

 

Welchie - so exciting to have a buddie who is OFF benzos. Please keep us up to date on what to expect. I have a FB friend that healed in a few weeks after what seemed like a fast K taper...so keep the fight going as freedom could be right around the corner. I feel so sorry for the people who did cold turkey and suffer for so long. Someone made a good point, if the recovery time is 6-18 months, then you add how long your taper is to that time, not when you stepped off. So I have 5 months under my belt almost and will probably have about 8 when I walk off into being benzo-free. I also believe tapering is the way to do this and not end up with PAWS or suffering - these ideas and beliefs keep me going and hopeful and less anxious when reading "horror stories" which are usually from those poor people that cold turkeyed or did a super rapid taper.

 

Sending you both 

 

Jay: hope you figured out the conversion. Let us know if you need any help with tapering or anything else.

 

Pete 

[[So...]]

Oh I forgot - I was born and raised in NYC...but I LOVE the ocean and spent loads of time in LA which is really my second home. I am plotting a move to the Best Coast soon - need to be able to surf as much as possible!

[[Sa...]]

Oh wow, where in LA? I’m in coastal LA

[[So...]]

The coastal section is the best. I have had places in Beachwood Canyon, Los Feliz and on Sycamore. I would love to be closer to the ocean next time though.

 

A side note: I took L-Theanine last night (no effect) and then I took it this morning when I woke up with mild anxiety at 4:30am after 3-4 hours of sleep. Well, the L-Theanine ramped up the anxiety (maybe it didn't, but it is worse than usual and the only change is the L-Theanine) so I have really decided to stop reading about supplements and things to relieve me during this process. It's not worth the risk. Thankfully the L-Theanine wasn't expensive and hopefully it's effect from this morning wears off today. I was toying with the ideas of NAC and NAD+ and Gingko and now won't touch any of them.

 

Hope you guys are having a great Sunday so far!

 

[[We...]]

That's great your an animal lover too.  I'm with you on not trusting people who don't like animals.  What's not to love.  And I like you even better knowing cats and dogs take a shine to you...though I can see why.  Good energy.

 

Yeah, Sober....I came to the same sorry conclusion about supplementing.  Body is just too fragile.  Melatonin made the insomnia worse too.  Can only do a couple...mostly fats like fermented cod liver oil.  A bit of B-vites with grass fed beef liver supplement.  Generally anything food grade seems to be ok.

 

Was having a pretty decent window last night...then I think I got into some bad goat's milk cheese and had stomach problems and a rough morning.  This too shall pass...pun intended.

 

Sorry you're getting the early wake up and anxiety.  That - thank God - was the first sx to ease up on me.  Hope it will for you too.  Something good has to happen while tapering.  The brain must be healing on some level the whole trip.  Thanks for mentioning your friend who had an easier time getting off Klon.  Those stories aren't well represented here.  I see progress all the time, not so much day to day, but week to week.  What makes it frustrating is that it is definitely not linear.  You know, chugging along, seeing improvements for a few days, then the wave pulls me back a bit.  I'm still convinced a step up in healing is preceded by a bit of a wave.  Have seen it happen in the last month three times now.

 

Hope you are managing ok Saige!  You and the little ones.  I'll do my best to keep holding the torch of freedom!!

 

Stay strong, my friends.  We got this.  Healing is inevitable.

[[We...]]

Dang!  Sorry Pete.  I reverted back to calling you Sober. 

[[So...]]

Thanks Welchie - the Theanine effect has worn off, thankfully and I feel much better - going to go on a long walk and to the post office and grocery store again.

 

I love animals.

 

I will write more when I am back - sending you both HUGS. I hope the cheese fiasco from last night has lessened!

[[Sa...]]

Ugh sorry theanine didn’t work. I get rebound anxiety from it if I take too much.  Getting ready to drive back home.  Welchie I’m so glad the anxiety left first for you, that’s really the hardest one for me.  I don’t mind a lot of the other symptoms.  I think I’m going to stay at my dosage a bit and do a bigger cut in a week.  This microtaper seems to keep me a bit more anxious continuously.  My cut and hold would hit me but resolve in a few days.  How was your walk Pete?

[[So...]]

Walk was good - I need to force myself to wake up early and get outside and just walk and walk. I really wish I could exercise like I used to but am going to try and do a little each day and build it up. I used to be so in shape - not I am just thing which I guess is good as opposed to gaining weight or benzo belly.

 

Great to hear the morning anxiety left first Welchie - that is my worst s/x by far. I always feel so much better at night - odd isn't it? I do understand how non-linear this whole thing is...and I also believe you that we are healing as we taper. Keep holding that torch for us Welchie - it is the light we are following.

 

Saige - how big a cut are you making? I am still on the DLMT and it's fine...more of the same. At 2.97 down from 3 in 3 days...frustrating to go sooooo slow but I have resigned myself that this is what it takes.

 

Happy Sunday to my two favorite buddies

 

Pete

[[Sa...]]

Good for you for moving down!  Yes Welchie it’s great to have you ahead of us in this.  I am at about .5 maybe a tiny bit more according to the scale.  I wave done .25 cuts from 2.5 but I think I need to make smaller cuts now. I usually hold for about a month.  I wish I could cut more precisely, or have knowledge that there is even the same amount of medicine distributed throughout the pill.  It makes me really think the difficulty is all by design. Ugh

[[So...]]

Saige - do you use a scale (I forgot). Have you thought about making a liquid solution to make it easier to be precise?