Hi (Clonazepam buddie)

[[We...]]

California is a beautiful state - hopefully you are in the warmer parts of it.  I saw San Fran many moons ago.  Yep - I'm a  Yankee in New England.  I may have to track down some old 'Bert and I' jokes...don't know if you're familiar with them.  There are people from all over the world here, which is way cool.  Sweden, Canada, UK, Australia....  DLMT is liquid taper, by the by.

 

Well, today is one of those days.  I think the recent real world stress wore me down a bit and am on the 'scenic route' again for a while.  Have to remind myself healing is not linear.  It's amazing, isn't it, that one tiny little pill can wreak so much havoc.  By the way, I meant to look up the word you used, Saige - Jamais vu.

 

How's everyone doing today?  Sober - first day of liquid titration for you!!!  Yay!!  Hope it goes smoothly.  Probably lots better then just jumping off the damned cliff like I did...  Not a very gracious way to go.  Nope.  Is it a pain in the @ to mix up?  You using milk or just plain water?

 

[[So...]]

Hi Welchie - hope today was good. I felt crappy yesterday and then good today - so crazy how things change day to day...

 

I start the liquid on Tuesday. I made up the batch so I am good to go - I will report how it all works for me.

 

I am in New England too - NYC. But California is my favorite state (lucky you Saige!). I grew up in NYC but I love the ocean (I surf) and think I am a beach bum trapped in the big city.

 

Wishing you guys the best and look forward to staying in touch!

[[Sa...]]

I’m sorry to hear today was bad. Yesterday was rough for me but today was fine. It is just crazy how extreme the ups and downs are.  I also want to look into the vitamin K, I have been having sone good results with some of my supplements and am always looking.  I know most of us are so sensitive so I only take tiny pieces of new supplements until I know it’s not going to mess me up. California has been raining nearly every day, more than I ever remember.  I’m missing the sun.  Sober the Atlantic is probably the same temp for surfing right now lol.  How do you bold/tag someone like you guys so expertly do haha?  Anyway, I have been using my scale lately and I’ve gone from 110 grams to 103 in a few days.  Still about .5 of Klonopin but lowering.  Hoping you guys are sleeping soundly on the east coast and that you wake up feeling good! 

[[So...]]

Thanks Saige - rain in California, especially LA, is treated like a disaster - people don't even want to drive!

Getting my day started in nYC. Hope you both slept well and have a great start to the week

[[We...]]

That's funny -  rain a disaster!!  So I have two 'city slickers' here....don't think I'd survive NYC or LA.  I'm too much of a hick.  But at least I'm just minutes from the ocean.

 

Saige...when you post, you'll see the icon up above for bold.  It's the first one on the left.

 

I was recently checking out about Vit K too - cuz I'm upping Vit D.  I was amazed to find out a deficiency in D can cause so much stuff that's like benzo sx - everything from depression and anxiety to hair loss.  I'm carefully adding B-vites back in too.  One of my biggest gremlins is GI issues.  Was diagnosed with gluten sensitivity about three, maybe four months ago so I'm probably not absorbing stuff properly.  I'm assuming our buddy benzo may have caused the gluten problem.  Argh!  Nothing is sacred to that little monster.

 

Kuddos for getting you dose down to 103 Saige.  Steady as she goes...

 

Sober - when you're having a good day and you're fine...you feel really fine?  Like normal?  That's great if so.  I'm seriously hoping you'll be one of the lucky ones.  Both of you!!!  Had a chance to do much poking around the website?

 

 

 

 

[[So...]]

Hi

 

I felt 85% myself yesterday which was amazing - I even did hot yoga but then woke up this morning and was in a bad wave most of the morning (and I am usually jolted awake at 5am) - It has calmed down and now i worry that the hot yoga caused it. I wanted to exercise and feel normal but worry that exercise needs to be done slowly and I used to work out so much. I took 30mg of propranolol which has helped calm me a little but I am nervous to take a beta blocker every day.

 

Hoping the day gets better. have my sister-in-law's birthday dinner tonight (my first social event in a long time) and don't want to feel off during it.

 

Hope you are both having a good start to the week. I am starting to feel less anxious as i type this so that is good.

 

I live for the beach...I want to one day move out of NYC and live by the ocean...

[[Sa...]]

Haha yes you have no idea how we fall apart in the rain. I also have gluten sensitivity that I think Benzos caused. I try to eat small amounts here and there so my body doesn’t completely forget how to deal with it.  The B vitamins have been hard too, they definitely rev me up.  So does exercise, I really want to exercise (no one believes me lol!) Someday I hope to start all these things again.  Right now l-theanine and other amino acids are my best friend.  I had a crazy dream last night where I was in an explosion and could feel the radiation in my brain. It really hurt, like I remember the pain.  Do you think I was having the pain and the dream came in response to it? So weird, so ready to be done with these crazy issues.  But, feeling good today and glad to hear your 85 sober. Oh I bolded welchie  ;D

[[So...]]

That dream sounds a bit scary Saige. My dreams have been weird too...

 

How does the l-theanine help? I keep reading about it also have read about the herb Kanna - just always so scared of trying anything new...

 

It's gloomy and cold in NYC today - rather be in rainy LA!

[[We...]]

Pretty cool you are working your bold!!!  We be bold benzo busting babes 

 

I get really strange dreams too.  At this point, I'm happy to be 

 

Still feel like 

 

Having a little fun with imojis 

[[So...]]

Hi Welchie and Saige

 

Hope you guys had a great Monday - I am heading to a birthday dinner (will have to say I quit sugar to avoid the cake)...

 

Sweet dreams Welchie and happy we 3 are all in this together - in it to win it!

 

 

Pete

[[Sa...]]

welchie so sorry you aren’t feeling good. How long have you been off again?  Does it get better throughout the day?  l-theanine  is a calming amino acid and it is supposed to help with the increase in glutamate that happens when we withdraw.  I think that is a big contributor to symptoms.  Im terrified to try anything too but noticed it was actually in the melatonin formula I’ve been taking for years haha.  I was afraid to try melatonin originally and took the suggested amount and had the worse night ever.  It was waaayyyy too much.  I found I only need a tiny piece to put me right to sleep. When I wake up I take a tiny bit more etc.  And, because it has l-theanine it’s been the perfect supplement for night.  Then during the day, I gave up my coffee.  I used to do bulletproof coffee with mct(coconut oil) but now I found oolong tea which produces l-theanine too.  I add stevia and the mct oil and I don’t get nervous from the small amount of caffeine and my brain get the fat fuel.  It’s been working well.  sober cake is the worst....the best...but the worst    have a great time st the dinner!!  Thanks for all these replies!   

[[So...]]

Hi Saige and Welchie my BB buddies

 

Cutting coffee sounds great. I have been drinking a "fake" coffee every morning called Teecino - I ordered it on Amazon and now I feel like I am having a cup or two every morning and it has zero caffeine.

 

Dinner was OK. To be frank, I look around at everyone and know they are not withdrawing from benzos and I am filled with jealousy of their normal lives and a little sadness that I have to deal with this. But I made it through - faked it till I made it, I guess.

 

I am hoping tomorrow is not another wave - today was rough which is hard when yesterday was so much better - it really is one day at a time.

 

I wish you both so much love and healing.

 

I love that this introduction post led to finding two new pals. I try and always welcome new members and post here the most because I know how overwhelming it can be to find this site and start this journey.

 

But as I always say and what I believe is: we WILL heal!

 

XOXO Pete

[[Sa...]]

I hear you sober all of it.  I’m really thankful you guys did respond to my intro. It’s great having partners in this that I can check on and that check on me.  Oh, did you say you were looking into Kanna?  I was really curious about that.  I have some bacopa which is  supposed to upregulate GABA and it might be a placebo but when I take small pieces of it, I do seem to have good days. I want to wait until I jump to really start taking it because the Klonopin is still confusing my GABA.  But, I think it might be key to healing, it’s the only thing I’ve consistently seen to actually signal the brain to upregulate GABA.  Ok night buddies!!

[[So...]]

Night Saige my partner in healing!

 

I have Bacopa too but haven't taken any. I might experiment tomorrow with a small dose.

 

Sweet dreams 

[[We...]]

You guys have such a great attitude...I love it, really.

 

Saige - thought you might be interested...there's a section on the forum dedicated to supplements.  You can find it if you click on Community Forum then scroll down and find Alternative Supplements and Therapies.  I had to give up any supplements for sleep cuz it always boomeranged.  But thank Gawd sleep started to come around fairly quickly with just a few bumps in the road.  I'm just beginning to be able to add stuff back in...and noticed I had to be really careful or I'd get thwacked.

 

Sober - so you made it through a night with the normies!!!  Some day soon we'll be shining bright again too!!  We'll be so bright people will have to wear sunglasses when we walk in the room!!  I get envious of others too...like...people actually wear stuff that isn't food stained sweatpants???  People can actually laugh???  And the sound of the microwave doesn't make them want to rip their ears off???

 

Yep...getting there...on the freedom trail...one day at a time.

[[So...]]

Thanks for making me laugh Welchie - I am so tired of wearing sweatpants!

 

Thanks to both of you for being here - we all need support and it's great that we found each other. Hope you slept well Saige and that you both have a great day with no s/x - wishing more and more windows for you both!

[[Sa...]]

Thanks welchie I’ll check out that section!  Lol about the sweatpants.  It’s all yoga pants here   Dreams are still a bit crazy but days are decent here.  It just seems like it’s going so slow. But after so many years, I know I need to be patient.

[[We...]]

I've been dreaming like crazy too.  Weird stuff.  But taking it as another sign of deep CNS healing.

 

And yeah, patience.  As long as we're heading in the right direction.  I've been off three weeks now and was feeling really impatient with the healing process yesterday.  I'm like...hey...three whole weeks...I should be perfectly fine by now...then had to laugh at myself.  But I see things are turning around.  Healing is slowly creeping up, little by little.  It's not a linear path...  Some days up, some days down but generally upward as a whole. 

 

Steady as she goes ladies...we've got this.

[[So...]]

That is so great Welchie - 3 weeks is major. And so happy you are feeling better.

 

I am still stuck at 3mg and struggling - I want to keep tapering and not hold any longer. The hold is not changing anything, no improvements and sometimes I think I am just worse.

 

Sending you both 

[[Sa...]]

It’s really awesome that you are at three weeks Welchie. I’m really excited for the day you feel things start to lift.  Pete you’re so close too, I think holding is probably the best. How long have you been at 3?  I’m at .5 which is about 8mg of V so I wish I was at 3!  I went out last night and messed up my schedule.  I usually have a drink in the evening and it’s actually been helpful (I know I’m not supposed to) but this morning I do have a headache.  I’ve been a bit anxious too but not too bad, I still can do all my mom driving and shuffling.  I am down to 100g after starting at 109 about a week ago.  Not sure if I like microtapering yet.  I tried the liquid but it was like I cold turkeyed.  I realized I always dissolve my pill under my tongue so I think it goes straight to my brain.  When I drank the liquid, it all went into my gut and I think I lost most of the med in the process.  This is the only answer that made sense.  What else do you guys have going on?  Hope you are feeling well today!

[[We...]]

Saige...under the tongue may be a clue.  That's what I used to do too.  It probably bypasses the liver.

 

Just to give you the heads up for future reference...I had a really really bad reaction to generic klon.  Was prescribed .25 to help with cutting more precisely on the taper and real klon isn't made in doses lower than .5  Guess that's one of the small 'bennies' of valium...at least they come in small doses, easier to cut for Sober.

 

Thanks, Sober.  Getting down to 3mg is pretty damned good too.  Give yourself a big pat on the back!!! 

 

Right now I'm re-reading The Benzo Book by Jack Hobson-Dupont.  I found it a good read with a lot of practical info and his story was not melodramatically overblown.  I think I remember it was he that mentioned that under the tongue can be (supposedly) dangerous.  And I thought...great...I spent a year doing just that!!!  I also noticed a difference when I started swallowing whatever small daily dose I had left.

 

Are either of you two getting extreme dehydration?  It's becoming an annoying sx that doesn't seem to want to leave....

 

Going to look up bacopa.

[[Sa...]]

Yes I had to switch from what I usually took and it was awful! Still not great but I think I adjusted.  Tell me more about under the tongue...did he say why it was bad?  I do need the hydration reminder too. I’m usually good about it, but lately I’ve let it slip and simple water can make such a difference.

[[We...]]

Thanks again you guys for the cheers!!!  Cheers back at you!!!  Hey...whatever we're going through, it beats the heck out of putting that first pill in our mouths.  If we only knew what we were really signing up for.  Big Pharma should let us write the warning labels on the pill bottles    They wouldn't be too happy with what I have to say to John Q Public about Klon.

 

I can't find the passage about under the tongue, of course, because I want to  ...but when I find it I'll post it exactly... I remember him saying because under the tongue goes directly to the brain...a bit of a hammer whammer.  He has some nice chapters about the emotional roller coaster of it all through withdrawal and post jump.  And he also warns against antibiotics...that's where I first learned certain antibiotics are not a good fit with benzos and can send someone into protracted w/dr. 

 

Dehydration - I'm talking the kind of thirst that makes your eyeballs shrivel even if drinking water by the gallon.  Can't miss it as a megasymptom.  But yeah...definitely need to stay hydrated even if it's not extreme.  I'm feeling like I'm going to turn into a mummy...

[[So...]]

Hi Saige and Welchie !!

 

I had a bad morning (was up at 2:30am last night and could not fall back asleep) but then this afternoon I tried the Bacopa (such a weird name) and I felt so much better an hour later so I am in a semi-window now...it could be placebo effect but I'll take it. I was told by a moderator (Bella) to only take the Bacopa when i am off benzos though...argh! I take my first supplement and then I am told to not take it ("unless I really need it") - I guess i won't be taking it every day. I had read a lot of good things about it from people who were both tapering and post-taper - it's all so confusing and I have avoided supps too...

 

I need to drink lots of water too. I am usually pretty good but then sometimes get bored of downing H20 and running to the bathroom to pee non-stop.

 

Be careful with the drinks Saige...I don't want you to have set back. I miss sugar SO much but now only have a little dark chocolate. I avoided cake at the birthday dinner and was jealous as everyone was gobbling it up in ecstasy.

 

Saige - are you still doing the liquid? How was the day of liquid like a cold turkey? I hope I can handle it - I start tomorrow...I have a batch made up for 15 days. Fingers crossed it all goes well.

 

In non-benzo news, I saw "Bohemian Rhapsody" last night (pretty good, not great) and finished my book "The Girl in the Window." I am reading way more during this so if you guys want book recs, we can start our own book club

 

I have read some of the Benzo Book and agree that it has lots of great info Welchie. And also agree that we should put warning labels on benzo pill bottles. The pain medicine epidemic gets so much attention (as it should) but benzos are a hidden epidemic. I would love to raise awareness when i am off benzos and healed. Even protest outside Big Pharma. I get that benzos are needed for a surgical procedure but then they should be administered by a doctor on a one time basis. When someone says "I am nervous about flying" and are given a month's worth of Xanax, that is a problem. That is how I got into this mess. I wanted help with sleep and soon I was taking 10mg of Valium every night...

 

Sending you both a virtual HUG 

[[Sa...]]

Oh sometimes I do get that extreme thirst Welchie now that I think of it.  I heard coconut water is the best at rehydrating, but it has some sugars.  Pete- I am so sorry you had a bad night, but so happy the bacopa night have helped! I’m in exactly the same situation. While I feel better after taking it, I too want to wait to really start so I don’t confuse the receptors.  So, I only take very small pieces now and it’s helping.  I would be scared to take more anyway because like many here I’m scared to take anything.  Have a great evening east coasters!