Full Time worker support group

[[va...]]

Boombox at least you're off this poison. I live in fear of having an accident, being sent to hospital and being jerked off the Valium. My daughter has no father. If that happened it would be the end for both of us. That fear is killing me man. Enjoy the fact that you know your baby will be OK no matter what happens to you. This wd sucks, it keeps telling us the worst case scenario constantly. As for working : I've said this before, I'm saying it again. Many people are so incompetent and have jobs, I feel I'm 100 times better in spite of all my symptoms, at least I care to do things right and I'm not a complete idiot. I can't say the same about many "healthy" people out there. Affirmation : I am in bwd but I am still competent, I am enough.

[[bo...]]

I'm sorry you are living with that fear, valiumnomore. I hope you are not yanked off the medication for you and your daughter's sake. I hope you are able to taper properly like you should be.

 

I'm having a ton of nightmares about my boss and being inadequate, even though I'm not doing that bad of a job, he is just a bully and a lousy boss. I'm having a very hard time with self confidence. I feel I have none and my dreams are a reflection of that. I start back to work tomorrow. We will see how it goes.

[[va...]]

Ugh, I'm sorry you're dealing with a bully at work. That can drive many people to take benzos and here you are coming off them and dealing with him. I have to deal with a real bully in my family of origin. There are great YouTube Videos on how to deal with narcissists that I've found very useful. My favorite are less Carter, Richard grannon, Lisa a romano. There are a few great youtubers. In spite of the videos, it's a very tough situation. I hope you can find another job and maybe record the conversations, if it's legal in your country.

[[va...]]

This guy is Sam vaknin. He's a narcissist himself and he helps us how to deal with his species.

 

[[St...]]

My boss (the CTO!) recently tried to maneuver me into being his replacement before quitting. This has caused a fairly significant amount of stress. I've catalogued that in more detail in my blog - http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=165525.msg3048262#msg3048262.

 

Appreciate any thoughts or prayers or whatever you believe in. Thanks.

[[va...]]

Hi Stephen. That sounds terribly stressful. I'm glad you're staying firm with your decision of not accepting the position. From your signature I'm gathering you've been holding on 2mgs for two years. I'm holding for 7 months now after crash and updosing, but still have cognitive fog, anxiety and other mental symptoms.

[[St...]]

Does anyone here work as a computer programmer? I have some questions about dealing with this kind of work and something I'm experiencing.

[[va...]]

You're very welcome.

[[Ta...]]

I’ll totally join this group. I quit 5 days ago. WD is bad but I’m resting because I have to go back to work in August. I’m terrified because my husband and I need two incomes to survive and raise 3 kids. How do you all self care and work?  I need tips. Thx

 

[[va...]]

I’ll totally join this group. I quit 5 days ago. WD is bad but I’m resting because I have to go back to work in August. I’m terrified because my husband and I need two incomes to survive and raise 3 kids. How do you all self care and work?  I need tips. Thx

 

Hi Tall Golfer. It's really different to work if you're doing a slow taper than if you CT. Unless you CT with tolerable symptoms which was my case in the past when I CTd out of ignorance and bad Dr. advice, had no major symptoms, but didn't know I was kindling myself. Then last summer I was tapering, sped up  my taper, and without even knowing that could happen I went into acute WD. That's when I searched BBs because I was in a different reality I didn't even know existed. After a months like that I reinstated to half my original dose, and it took me two whole months to start feeling like 10% human again. During two months I slept for between 0 and 2 hours every night (two hours on a great night), and I was in panic, as if sometone was pointing a gun to my head, 24/7. Throughout all that I had to work as a self employed English teacher (I live in a non English spoken country), and had to take care of my daughter alone as I'm a single mother with very little help. I did it but I'd avoid it at all costs. There were many intrusive thoughts of the worst kind. It's not worth it. Some people CT and they're ok. If you're OK, then go ahead and never go back to benzos because the brain can go on and off fine and then after one, two times it's completely different for many of us.

[[Ta...]]

I was on it for two months on a very low dose so I went ahead and CT.  THe first three days were horrible. I have other symptoms like insomnia, dryness, fast heart, slight movement in feet...but I have been able to functon these past two days. Now, my definiton of functioning is talking with the fam, doing a couple  chores, driving the kids one place, taking a shower.  I have been very lucky and so far I have been spared some scary symptoms like loss of cognitive ability, dizzyness, hallucinations, etc.  I feel for anyone that has had these.  So I'm hoping that by August I can go back to work.  Ug, this has been such a horrible experience...but I'm so happy I found this forum.

[[Bl...]]

Hey guys I'm working full time and already I your not working this is hell. Two months since I went from .25 to .125 but might have to go back to .25 I still feel terrible hope everyone is hanging in there

[[va...]]

Hey guys I'm working full time and already I your not working this is hell. Two months since I went from .25 to .125 but might have to go back to .25 I still feel terrible hope everyone is hanging in there

 

Blkhawks Hi. I understand how hard this is. Each person has to decide for himself what is best as far as updosing is concerned. I will not say anything in that direction because I musn't and that's only between you and your doctor to decide, and ultimately: just you. As for work, if I had to talk to my last summer's self, who was in the worst wd of my life, I'd say: take it one minute at a time, do not think about the future, deal only with this task, don't think about what you will or won't be able to do tomorrow. If you hold long enough, or updose and hold long enough, you will eventually get better but it will take a long time. You will survive this. You can do your job but you have to lower your expectations: you will forget things and be less efficient and that is OK (of course I'm not a surgeon or driver, that would've been different).

 

I believe you'll get through this rough patch (to put it softly), but it might take a while. Accept that it will take a while and even if you think you can't get through this, the truth is you can. Let time pass, let time pass, let time pass. It will take time for the brain to stabilize. Keep looking for distraction and let time pass.

[[ju...]]

Hi VNM, i loved your words. Let your time pass. But, i am on a crazy anx. wave and this doesnt work so much. How can i overcome this crazy anx. I am holding remeron at a dose. Have you got benefit from holding?

[[va...]]

Hi VNM, i loved your words. Let your time pass. But, i am on a crazy anx. wave and this doesnt work so much. How can i overcome this crazy anx. I am holding remeron at a dose. Have you got benefit from holding?

 

Yes juneight, I did benefit from holding however I must say it took a long time and I thought I'd never get better in spite of the updose and then seven month hold. I started feeling better after three months into the updose and hold (valium takes a long time to build back up in your system). Then up to seven months to feel well enough to consider tapering again. Now I have a lot of anxiety but back then it was something else. It was acute wd I went into and that took a very very long time to go away. I don't know how bad your anxiety is. I can't give recommendations because we're all different and I don't know anything about rememron. i do believe that when we're very badly sensitized, it is helpful to hold the dose of all your meds for a long time, and given the constants, you allow your CNS to find some kind of order and heal. I don't believe in pushing through intolerable symptoms as it took me to a very bad place and I'll never do that again. The only thing I know for terrible benzo wd anxiety is distraction and acceptance. There's really nothing else. It doesn't really help but at least it doesn't make it worse.

[[bo...]]

Hi  anyone know of online work  that we can handle thank you ! any ideas?

[[tr...]]

so I just applied for two positions.. haven't officially worked in over a year. I may be joining here soon.....

 

but I need an interview first so i got some time. 

[[Bl...]]

Hey guys I'm working full time and already I your not working this is hell. Two months since I went from .25 to .125 but might have to go back to .25 I still feel terrible hope everyone is hanging in there

 

Blkhawks Hi. I understand how hard this is. Each person has to decide for himself what is best as far as updosing is concerned. I will not say anything in that direction because I musn't and that's only between you and your doctor to decide, and ultimately: just you. As for work, if I had to talk to my last summer's self, who was in the worst wd of my life, I'd say: take it one minute at a time, do not think about the future, deal only with this task, don't think about what you will or won't be able to do tomorrow. If you hold long enough, or updose and hold long enough, you will eventually get better but it will take a long time. You will survive this. You can do your job but you have to lower your expectations: you will forget things and be less efficient and that is OK (of course I'm not a surgeon or driver, that would've been different).

 

I believe you'll get through this rough patch (to put it softly), but it might take a while. Accept that it will take a while and even if you think you can't get through this, the truth is you can. Let time pass, let time pass, let time pass. It will take time for the brain to stabilize. Keep looking for distraction and let time pass.

thanks for the response. i updosed a couple of days ago but will definelty give it some time to stablise also i agree with having to lower my expectations part of my anxiety is being a perfectionist but i need to learn to let go!

much love

[[NJ...]]

Hi  anyone know of online work  that we can handle thank you ! any ideas?

 

I work full time from home and have been since August. There are a lot of remote jobs out there ... try flexjobs.com to take a look at some, plus indeed.com has a "remote" filter.

[[bo...]]

Hi  anyone know of online work  that we can handle thank you ! any ideas?

 

I work full time from home and have been since August. There are a lot of remote jobs out there ... try flexjobs.com to take a look at some, plus indeed.com has a "remote" filter.

Thank you! I will try this

[[Bl...]]

Hi guys, I am joining.

I’ve noticed since I am working a lot more than I used to, sometimes I get anxiety + tachycardia the next day, it’s like I’m “forcing the machine” too much.

Healing vibes everyone

 

Blossom

[[va...]]

Hi guys, I am joining.

I’ve noticed since I am working a lot more than I used to, sometimes I get anxiety + tachycardia the next day, it’s like I’m “forcing the machine” too much.

Healing vibes everyone

 

Blossom

 

Hi Blossom!

 

Of course I'm still tapering, probably forever, and you're well off, but what you describe is familiar. I have very very low stress tolerance compared to what I could handle when I was "normal".

[[Bl...]]

Hi guys, I am joining.

I’ve noticed since I am working a lot more than I used to, sometimes I get anxiety + tachycardia the next day, it’s like I’m “forcing the machine” too much.

Healing vibes everyone

 

Blossom

 

Hi Blossom!

 

Of course I'm still tapering, probably forever, and you're well off, but what you describe is familiar. I have very very low stress tolerance compared to what I could handle when I was "normal".

Valiumnomore you are almost there!!

I guess this is “normal” then ....I’ve been also waking up very early sometimes worried that my alarm won’t sound because of the battery failure (I use my phone) or because I will put “pm” instead of “am” (it has happened!) but this is getting unhealthy...

 

Sending you lots of love

Blossom

[[Ta...]]

GUESS WHAT!  I work in a school district and I was just approved to do online lesson planning from HOME!  I thought I was going to lose my carreer.  I am able to focus on healing and keep doing what I love (in some capacity)!  Just wanted to share. 

[[va...]]

Blossom how are you holding up? Are you dealing any better with anxiety and with the insomnia due to the fear of not waking up? You mentioni I'm close to the end but I'm not. My brain can't handle the smallest cuts as I am so so kindled if you see my signature. Anyway right now I just want to be stable to raise my child and manage my finances. My priority is not coming off valium at the price of becoming a crappy mom and losing my money. I'll try to cut 0.10 every three months or so, and if that means I'll be tapering for ten years, well so be it.

 

Tall golfer I'm so glad you can work online. I'm so glad there's more people in this group because when I found BBs I saw so many people on dissability that I got depressed thinking that work was impossible. That's why I love this group to put up every now and then, even though it's not very active.