Full Time worker support group

[[Bl...]]

Balckjack, what type of job are you working in? It is very hard working full time while going through this. My confidence is shot too and I'm constantly worried I'm not doing enough or not doing my job well.

I am a therapist at a drug and alcohol rehab facility. The irony...

[[va...]]

Hey all.  My first time posting here.  I am really happy someone created this topic.  I am also working full time.  I dont have an option not to.  It has been real hell.  My confidence level to even complete minute work responsibilities is non existent.  There is constant fear of not being able to perform or losing my job.

 

Blackjack I'm glad you found us. The fear is always there. That I won't be able to work or take care of my daughter. I push through the fear/depression and do  what needs to be done. I get up and say: I made it through yesterday and I'll make it through today. I'm severely kindled from numerous times coming off benzos so I doubt I'll ever make it. Stabilization and being functional is my main goal for now. I'm sure what you're going through will make you more compassionate and a better therapist. You will be able to help people like us.

[[va...]]

For anyone who's interested, this group is a bit more active at the moment.

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=228102.0

[[...]]

Hey everybody, I have some major life changes approaching (good ones), and I need to make more money. I’ve been landscaping all during withdrawal, but I need to get back into my professional career. But, my career was mentally demanding and stressful, and I’m not sure I can handle it. Starting to panic because of the pressure. I’d give anything for my brain to heal!! Any advice is appreciated.

[[Ul...]]

I'm new to this thread but I've been reading it when I can, which isn't real often since I mainly only have computer access at work. I've been tapering this klonopin mess over 4 years now. What a challenge! Gotta admit, things got kind of depressing for a long while because I "knew" quite a few people (mostly on the BB board) who had reached the end of their taper and had done so because they quit work a long time ago and were able to heal their way along. I can't come close to being able to afford to do that. Like everybody's, mine is a long story but I've just had to continue to work. I've lost jobs along the way, but I always managed to find something else. "Fake it" is right! If it weren't for "fake" I wouldn't be able to work at all. My wife's long fight with cancer has helped put us in a financial bind, but I'm probably a bigger reason due to my inability to keep a real job long enough to advance and have a somewhat respectable income. The cocktails of drugs over the years took away my ability to do much. Crazy vicious cycle. But, we all move on and do the best we can. Bless you all!! We'll all hit our successful finish lines at some point!!  

 

Take care!

 

Ultra 2007 it's so good to hear another person's story and how you're taking longer to taper because you can't afford to stop working. In some cases it's working and parenting we can't just drop for a year or two right? I'm so sorry your wife has had cancer. I hope she's won that battle. I admire the way you keep the spirit in spite of years tapering. What else can we do, right? I tapered lexapro for four years and now I thought I was going to taper the "easy one"  Yeah, right??? I'm in an awful wave right now thinking I won't make it alive etc etc and I have students tomorrow and my voice comes and goes. Did anyone find their voice changing as a withdrawal symptom?

 

Boomboxboy21 I was on a long but trip before with my cellphone. That's why my answer was so short. I know how bad you feel and how difficult your situation must be. I really feel it all sounds like withdrawal but you obviously don't do well where you are right now. You mentioned some time back that you felt better at your parents. Could this be an option for a while? I know it's none of my business but I wanted to mention that I don't think it's such a crazy idea if you think it works well for you now. But you're the only one who knows the logistics and circumstances of your family of course.

 

Bless you, and hang in there with all you got!!!

 

Ultra

[[bo...]]

I'm seriously wondering if I should be working at all right now. Starting a new job while going through this was maybe not the best idea but I don't think I would be doing great at my old job either. I found myself obsessing about my job when I woke up today. I should not be worried about the job over the weekend.

 

On top of that, I had two sort of like panic attacks this week at work. It is like a panic attack in my head where I feel such anxiety that I can't focus or concentrate on anything and I have to sit down and just wait for it to pass. I've not really had this before since quitting the medication in March of 2018.

 

I started Klonopin for work-related anxiety in 2011 because I couldn't sleep and I couldn't perform at work as an English teacher. I quit them over and over between 2011 and 2015 without too many issues, mostly quitting when summer would start. Then when I started them for two months at the beginning of 2018 after being off them a couple years, all hell broke loose. I'm wondering if this is just my old work-related anxiety returning. I've never really been able to work without taking pills, which sucks. I'm wondering, if I can make it through this school year, I should try to teach from home next year.

[[NJ...]]

Boom box:

 

I have changed jobs three times in the last 18 months, twice while tapering, the third one now that I am holding.

 

It is very difficult. But as you said, working at all can be difficult, old or new. The problem with a new job is you want to make a good first impression and you feel like you are falling apart.

 

I will say that while you don't feel well most people will not notice. I was a wreck starting the last two jobs and everyone thought I was doing great--no one knew I was up all night, sometimes throwing up all night, fake it til you make it was how I was living my life!

 

Now I am working from home, which is working better and i can see one day down the road me tapering again.

 

Good luck! And I suspect you are suffering from Sunday anticipatory anxiety, which can affect all of us on benzos or not.

[[va...]]

Boom box:

 

I have changed jobs three times in the last 18 months, twice while tapering, the third one now that I am holding.

 

It is very difficult. But as you said, working at all can be difficult, old or new. The problem with a new job is you want to make a good first impression and you feel like you are falling apart.

 

I will say that while you don't feel well most people will not notice. I was a wreck starting the last two jobs and everyone thought I was doing great--no one knew I was up all night, sometimes throwing up all night, fake it til you make it was how I was living my life!

 

Now I am working from home, which is working better and i can see one day down the road me tapering again.

 

Good luck! And I suspect you are suffering from Sunday anticipatory anxiety, which can affect all of us on benzos or not.

 

NJ that is great advice for all of us. I really hope you keep getting better to the point of resuming your taper in the future. No hurries. My number one priority is being stable these years, not coming off. I will be chipping away at the Valium but trying to preserve my stability at all costs. I hope my psychiatrist agrees to that pace.

 

I hope everyone in the group is getting more windows and having better days.

[[Gw...]]

I got the job offer today! Back to full time employment! This position has better hours, a higher salary, and better benefits than my previous job and marks an important career shift for me as I will no longer be teaching in an academic setting. I'm so relieved. My dad has been paying my bills for the past five months while I focused on my recovery. That time away has been life-changing and I am so grateful, but I am also ready to stand on my own two feet again. Just had to share the good news!

 

Gwinna

[[Ho...]]

I got the job offer today! Back to full time employment! This position has better hours, a higher salary, and better benefits than my previous job and marks an important career shift for me as I will no longer be teaching in an academic setting. I'm so relieved. My dad has been paying my bills for the past five months while I focused on my recovery. That time away has been life-changing and I am so grateful, but I am also ready to stand on my own two feet again. Just had to share the good news!

 

Gwinna

 

Congratulations!

[[va...]]

I got the job offer today! Back to full time employment! This position has better hours, a higher salary, and better benefits than my previous job and marks an important career shift for me as I will no longer be teaching in an academic setting. I'm so relieved. My dad has been paying my bills for the past five months while I focused on my recovery. That time away has been life-changing and I am so grateful, but I am also ready to stand on my own two feet again. Just had to share the good news!

 

Gwinna

 

 

 

Gwinna congratulations on your new job. It's nice to see someone new in the group and that you made it off the benzo and have improved so much. I think you'll do great at work.

[[Ja...]]

I had to call out of work today because I overdid and am having some kind of setback. My setbacks don’t last long anymore though. I couldn’t drag myself out of bed this morning and now I am on my feet seemingly recovering quick. I should be back to work by Saturday. But who knows. I have had to call out so many times this year. I am blessed to have a job where I get a lot of time and quite frankly fmla is such a great thing. It just sucks there is such a stigma associated with it. So many people abuse their fmla and though I only use it when I truly can’t work I can tell sometimes my boss is doubtful. My job is extremely secure and like I said I am blessed.

[[NJ...]]

I got the job offer today! Back to full time employment! This position has better hours, a higher salary, and better benefits than my previous job and marks an important career shift for me as I will no longer be teaching in an academic setting. I'm so relieved. My dad has been paying my bills for the past five months while I focused on my recovery. That time away has been life-changing and I am so grateful, but I am also ready to stand on my own two feet again. Just had to share the good news!

 

Gwinna

 

Gwinna: That is awesome! Congratulations.

[[Ja...]]

I got the job offer today! Back to full time employment! This position has better hours, a higher salary, and better benefits than my previous job and marks an important career shift for me as I will no longer be teaching in an academic setting. I'm so relieved. My dad has been paying my bills for the past five months while I focused on my recovery. That time away has been life-changing and I am so grateful, but I am also ready to stand on my own two feet again. Just had to share the good news!

 

Gwinna

 

Congratulations! Very happy to read this!

[[De...]]

Hi everyone,

I need to go back very soon. My unrmployment is running out. I am so nervous.  I am a mess. I hatr to start a new job in this confition. My anxiety is so bad. I shake. Really bad myscle pain. I have an ace bandage around my back. I have bern killing myself yrying to get better since i got layed off. Its been hell eith the pain. At ine point i couldnt walk for more than 1 hr. It was from a bad co from x to v. My body just broke down. Thsnks to my grest dr who said it was ok. Anyway. I dont mean to whine. I just dont know how i can do this. It was bad enough before and the thought of ot again kilks me. Anyway i hope i can be part of this group.

[[Gw...]]

Thanks for all the support and well-wishes! 

 

Dehytq2, sorry to hear you'll need to go back before you feel ready. I hope the distraction is at least helpful, and that you find small ways to take care of yourself.

 

Hang in there,

Gwinna

[[De...]]

Thanks gwinna 

[[De...]]

Congrats on the nrw job gwinna!!

[[va...]]

Dehytq you will probably do better than you think. Will the physical issues be a problem at your job? I'd say try to look for a job that is not too physically challenging. The mental symptoms and the emotional ones are very hard to deal with, but oftentimes they don't make it very difficult to go about with our tasks. We suffer every minute from these symptoms, but very often the fear of not being able to work is amplifying the problem. As you are holding the taper and you will hold for a long time, usually you'll be getting better with the hold. Plus, I think you're getting some sleep? That's a great advantage. Try not to be too demanding on yourself. Realize you won't be as efficient at work as you were pre bwd, and that's ok. Don't beat yourself up every time you make a mistake due to benzo brain. I've worked all my life with people who made mistakes all the time and many of them held their jobs to my surprise. So be good to yourself and allow yourself to make mistakes and forgive yourself for it, unless there are lives in danger but I don't think anyone in this group is a surgeon or an air controller. Oh God, now I just realized those can also be in psych drugs wd. I think I'll never take an airplane again!

[[bo...]]

Is anybody from this group still around? How is everybody doing with working while dealing with withdrawal related symptoms?

 

I'm going back to work as a high school Librarian on Monday after having a two-week break and I'm not really looking forward to it. Going to have to live at my parent's over the course of the next five months until summer for stress reduction purposes.

[[Gw...]]

Hi boom,

 

I was just thinking about this group! I have been at my new full-time job for a month now. It is a big step up in terms of salary, benefits, and advancement opportunities. The environment is much better and the nature of the work is less stressful. I disclosed PTSD as a disability and requested accommodations to limit sensory input. I moved for the new job to a different city where I don't know anyone, which is making the transition back to full-time work more difficult. It's been six months now since I left my previous job to focus on my recovery. I feel very "rusty" cognitively and very very awkward socially, but I am getting by. I structure my day around doing my best at work, and just now adding back in things like going to the gym. It is progress.

 

I hope living with your parents helps you manage stress levels until the summer. Hang in there.

 

Gwinna

[[va...]]

My symptoms are very bad but of course nothing like before the updose and long hold. I'm in fear most of the day, almost every day, dizzy, clumsy, in pain... But at least I sleep. My job is quite comfortable depending on the student I'm dealing with and it's at home so I don't have to deal with the noise of an office. Parenting in bwd however is very hard and I live in fear of having some bad thing happening. Praying for all of us.

[[bo...]]

Hi boom,

 

I was just thinking about this group! I have been at my new full-time job for a month now. It is a big step up in terms of salary, benefits, and advancement opportunities. The environment is much better and the nature of the work is less stressful. I disclosed PTSD as a disability and requested accommodations to limit sensory input. I moved for the new job to a different city where I don't know anyone, which is making the transition back to full-time work more difficult. It's been six months now since I left my previous job to focus on my recovery. I feel very "rusty" cognitively and very very awkward socially, but I am getting by. I structure my day around doing my best at work, and just now adding back in things like going to the gym. It is progress.

 

I hope living with your parents helps you manage stress levels until the summer. Hang in there.

 

Gwinna

 

I feel completely awkward socially at my job. I honestly have no desire to talk with people unless I absolutely have to so you can imagine it's not going great for me with my interpersonal relationships with colleagues. And since I'm in a new school, I think everyone thinks I'm a weirdo as nobody knows what I've been through. I'm just trying to do my best but not going the extra mile. My boss doesn't seem to like me at all. Don't know what to do. Can't get him off my mind. I had a relatively poor evaluation. He told me my teaching was unsatisfactory. I teach one period a day and it's yearbook. I am technically the high school Librarian. Not sure what to do. I'm constantly worried about losing the job.

[[bo...]]

My symptoms are very bad but of course nothing like before the updose and long hold. I'm in fear most of the day, almost every day, dizzy, clumsy, in pain... But at least I sleep. My job is quite comfortable depending on the student I'm dealing with and it's at home so I don't have to deal with the noise of an office. Parenting in bwd however is very hard and I live in fear of having some bad thing happening. Praying for all of us.

 

Yes, parenting has been brutal. I relate to what you are saying about living in fear. I keep living in fear that I will lose my job. Also, that I will get some other illness and not get it checked and die from that. Worried all the time lately.

[[Ul...]]

My symptoms are very bad but of course nothing like before the updose and long hold. I'm in fear most of the day, almost every day, dizzy, clumsy, in pain... But at least I sleep. My job is quite comfortable depending on the student I'm dealing with and it's at home so I don't have to deal with the noise of an office. Parenting in bwd however is very hard and I live in fear of having some bad thing happening. Praying for all of us.

 

Yes, parenting has been brutal. I relate to what you are saying about living in fear. I keep living in fear that I will lose my job. Also, that I will get some other illness and not get it checked and die from that. Worried all the time lately.

 

Ditto!!! I can releate...

 

Jeff