What Not to Say to Someone Depressed

[[Jo...]]

People who literally become angry at someone simply for crying.  Mean people suck plain and simple.

 

I agree.  It makes no sense to me how someone could get mad at another soul for being sick.   I'm experiencing that as I type this.... but take heart ... if we cry now, we laugh later.  Also, all this sorrow ... I've been trying to find something positive about it, and I think I found something really good and positive about the crying and the sorrow.  It changes our heart and makes it better, while their hearts grow more and more cold.

 

OOPS, almost got off topic ... what NOT to say....hmmmmmm, how bout "it could be worse"...... or .... "everyone has to suffer".  I believe that anyone who answers a matter before he hears it .... it will become shame to that person.

 

j

[[Ma...]]

"you need to be brave/ strong now"

Means you tell a person that the body is not doing the right thing and its better to ignore it. Stupid and not helpful

[[Jo...]]

Here's my fav.

 

You are not the only one who is suffering.  There are over 7 billion other people on the planet who have to suffer, too.

 

My second fav.

 

Oh, stop it! :'(

 

... and here's a good one (bad one) for those aged 49 and up...

 

"Go to your room!"   

[[Ma...]]

Here's my fav.

 

You are not the only one who is suffering.  There are over 7 billion other people on the planet who have to suffer, too.

 

My second fav.

 

Oh, stop it! :'(

 

... and here's a good one (bad one) for those aged 49 and up...

 

"Go to your room!"   

 

Go to your room?!  :D

 

This made my day.

 

I hope you reacted like a child throwing you on the ground yelling: noooooooooooooooo!

 

 

(People are so stupid and when we are weak we have to learn this the hard way, right??)

[[Rx...]]

People who literally become angry at someone simply for crying.  Mean people suck plain and simple.

 

I agree.  It makes no sense to me how someone could get mad at another soul for being sick.   I'm experiencing that as I type this.... but take heart ... if we cry now, we laugh later.  Also, all this sorrow ... I've been trying to find something positive about it, and I think I found something really good and positive about the crying and the sorrow.  It changes our heart and makes it better, while their hearts grow more and more cold.

 

OOPS, almost got off topic ... what NOT to say....hmmmmmm, how bout "it could be worse"...... or .... "everyone has to suffer".  I believe that anyone who answers a matter before he hears it .... it will become shame to that person.

 

j

 

Oh, I'm so sorry you were experiencing this as you typed and the other sad things you mentioned in this thread so sad too, Jozsef.  Re what else you write here, I am incredibly better now and laugh quite often.  Hoping that for you and all here.  Having experienced the basement of withdrawal Hell myself, I feel five positives can come from this totally preventable and needless suffering.  1)  Those of us who already have empathy may develop/developed that much more empathy for others.  2)  Perhaps someone who was lacking in empathy may hopefully develop some during such an ordeal.  3)  It can certainly make one feel so much more grateful for the little things and better health later when one is able to feel positive again if unable to even feel positive about much/anything due to physiological Rx/withdrawal induced depression that is so common during this.  I was one of those people literally unable to have a positive thought during my worst withdrawal suffering.  4) Healthy cynicism and skepticism re health care in general can develop as after all, it is a business which generates profits.  In other words, most of us are much more cautious about health care as a result.  5)  Our suffering sadly serves as a warning to others hopefully preventing others from suffering needlessly.  And re the "Go to your room!" comment, I'll never forget someone actually pushing me back into a room to spare someone from seeing my condition in early withdrawal.  Yes, people can be so incredibly cruel during this and my heart goes out to all suffering cruelty here. 

[[Jo...]]

People who literally become angry at someone simply for crying.  Mean people suck plain and simple.

 

I agree.  It makes no sense to me how someone could get mad at another soul for being sick.   I'm experiencing that as I type this.... but take heart ... if we cry now, we laugh later.  Also, all this sorrow ... I've been trying to find something positive about it, and I think I found something really good and positive about the crying and the sorrow.  It changes our heart and makes it better, while their hearts grow more and more cold.

 

OOPS, almost got off topic ... what NOT to say....hmmmmmm, how bout "it could be worse"...... or .... "everyone has to suffer".  I believe that anyone who answers a matter before he hears it .... it will become shame to that person.

 

j

 

Oh, I'm so sorry you were experiencing this as you typed and the other sad things you mentioned in this thread so sad too, Jozsef.  Re what else you write here, I am incredibly better now and laugh quite often.  Hoping that for you and all here.  Having experienced the basement of withdrawal Hell myself, I feel five positives can come from this totally preventable and needless suffering.  1)  Those of us who already have empathy may develop/developed that much more empathy for others.  2)  Perhaps someone who was lacking in empathy may hopefully develop some during such an ordeal.  3)  It can certainly make one feel so much more grateful for the little things and better health later when one is able to feel positive again if unable to even feel positive about much/anything due to physiological Rx/withdrawal induced depression that is so common during this.  I was one of those people literally unable to have a positive thought during my worst withdrawal suffering.  4) Healthy cynicism and skepticism re health care in general can develop as after all, it is a business which generates profits.  In other words, most of us are much more cautious about health care as a result.  5)  Our suffering sadly serves as a warning to others hopefully preventing others from suffering needlessly.  And re the "Go to your room!" comment, I'll never forget someone actually pushing me back into a room to spare someone from seeing my condition in early withdrawal.  Yes, people can be so incredibly cruel during this and my heart goes out to all suffering cruelty here.

 

rx

 

The only reason the "go to your room" comment burned me, is because I'm almost 50 years old!  Ok, so I'm somewhat prideful, but I'm workin on it!  I thank God I wasn't PUSHED into my room!  Goodness gracious! 

 

Kindly,

j

[[am...]]

“Break your old habits !”

[[Ma...]]

“Break your old habits !”

 

... a quote of people who never did it themselves, right??

[[gi...]]

"You should have thought about this before"

[[Rx...]]

People who literally become angry at someone simply for crying.  Mean people suck plain and simple.

 

I agree.  It makes no sense to me how someone could get mad at another soul for being sick.   I'm experiencing that as I type this.... but take heart ... if we cry now, we laugh later.  Also, all this sorrow ... I've been trying to find something positive about it, and I think I found something really good and positive about the crying and the sorrow.  It changes our heart and makes it better, while their hearts grow more and more cold.

 

OOPS, almost got off topic ... what NOT to say....hmmmmmm, how bout "it could be worse"...... or .... "everyone has to suffer".  I believe that anyone who answers a matter before he hears it .... it will become shame to that person.

 

j

 

Oh, I'm so sorry you were experiencing this as you typed and the other sad things you mentioned in this thread so sad too, Jozsef.  Re what else you write here, I am incredibly better now and laugh quite often.  Hoping that for you and all here.  Having experienced the basement of withdrawal Hell myself, I feel five positives can come from this totally preventable and needless suffering.  1)  Those of us who already have empathy may develop/developed that much more empathy for others.  2)  Perhaps someone who was lacking in empathy may hopefully develop some during such an ordeal.  3)  It can certainly make one feel so much more grateful for the little things and better health later when one is able to feel positive again if unable to even feel positive about much/anything due to physiological Rx/withdrawal induced depression that is so common during this.  I was one of those people literally unable to have a positive thought during my worst withdrawal suffering.  4) Healthy cynicism and skepticism re health care in general can develop as after all, it is a business which generates profits.  In other words, most of us are much more cautious about health care as a result.  5)  Our suffering sadly serves as a warning to others hopefully preventing others from suffering needlessly.  And re the "Go to your room!" comment, I'll never forget someone actually pushing me back into a room to spare someone from seeing my condition in early withdrawal.  Yes, people can be so incredibly cruel during this and my heart goes out to all suffering cruelty here.

 

rx

 

The only reason the "go to your room" comment burned me, is because I'm almost 50 years old!  Ok, so I'm somewhat prideful, but I'm workin on it!  I thank God I wasn't PUSHED into my room!  Goodness gracious! 

 

Kindly,

j

 

It's only human to want to have a sense of pride, Jozsef.  However, I think this is even more so about just having a sense of basic human dignity and everyone deserves basic human respect.

 

I try not to let my mind wander back to some of the horrid suffering including mistreatment and it is amazing how much my mind has moved on in this regard.  Of course, nobody forgets some things, but with time and healing, the mind is more capable of at least pushing dark memories aside.  It also helps when one is well enough again to even be able to keep active and busy enough to deter such dark thoughts.  It's much tougher if not sometimes impossible while one is still suffering depression and/or ill in other ways. 

 

I listed some *positives* (the word seeming pretty darn ludicrous actually, I know) above, but can't think of any more and the negatives in re to enduring a tough withdrawal are truly a mile long.  My withdrawal overall was the worst suffering my mind and body ever endured in my life and for such an extended period as well.  Not that I think I would regardless, but I would never minimize anyone else's tough withdrawal here in any way having experienced such myself.  Such a despicable shame for anyone to endure such needless suffering which could be prevented in so many cases, including my own, if not for having been prescribed a benzodiazepine for too long in the first place.  Nobody should have to endure such malpractice and suffering.

 

And kindly to you too, Jozsef.  Btw, I love your bird avatar!    Recently, I saw three bluebirds flying close together.  So beautiful.  During withdrawal and after, such animal visitors outside my window or crossing my path have been such healing distractions.  During my withdrawal suffering, I could not always appreciate them or not fully, but I can looking back and now.

 

And my compassion continues for all here suffering depression.  It is soooo hard  :'(, I know.

[[Jo...]]

Rx

 

Thanks for the very encouraging post.  I'm gunna try n think about those 3 bluebirds!  That sounds so beautiful.  More positive thoughts.  God, help me!

 

Even kinder!

j

[[Rx...]]

Rx

 

Thanks for the very encouraging post.  I'm gunna try n think about those 3 bluebirds!  That sounds so beautiful.  More positive thoughts.  God, help me!

 

Even kinder!

j

 

God bless and heal you, Jozsef.  Even kinder!

 

[[No...]]

The worst thing someone said to me was "man up" which resulted in me having a 4 hour meltdown. It was going to happen anyway, this person said the wrong thing at the wrong time and it just tipped me over the edge. This was shortly after my last parent passed away. They regretted it after in that they got it wrong and dealt with the situation badly. However, I know I'm not the easiest person to live with.

 

A manager at my old work said "people have had worse happen to them and got on with it". This is after I had suffered multiple loss and had a child diagnosed with a serious illness resulting in them having major surgery. Needless to say I resigned from my previous job, have retrained and am now happily self employed 

[[Ma...]]

The worst thing someone said to me was "man up" which resulted in me having a 4 hour meltdown. It was going to happen anyway, this person said the wrong thing at the wrong time and it just tipped me over the edge. This was shortly after my last parent passed away. They regretted it after in that they got it wrong and dealt with the situation badly. However, I know I'm not the easiest person to live with.

 

A manager at my old work said "people have had worse happen to them and got on with it". This is after I had suffered multiple loss and had a child diagnosed with a serious illness resulting in them having major surgery. Needless to say I resigned from my previous job, have retrained and am now happily self employed 

 

These people are just stupid and ignorant. Shame on them. Such sentences are not made to give advice or support - they are a translation for "shut up" and even worse "shut up cause I am so much better than you".  Today - cause I am much better - I tell people very frankly to shut up or "oh god this was SUCH a stupid sentence - who the hell thought you this?!" - but of course - most of the time we hear them when we are low because such people love to say this to weak people.

Anyway - shame on them. And no - we do not man up and yup - there are always people who have an even worse life AND HELL I HOPE THEY DO NOT MEAT PEOPLE LIKE THE IDIOT WHO TOLD YOU THIS.

[[jo...]]

Unless a person has depression he or she will be totally clueless as to how a depressed person is feeling especially during a really bad episode . I have heard all the statements from the non depressed people and the part that sucks the most is when You have to listen to this from family members . When I was in the mental hospital " signed Myself in " My own family members were saying things like " You need to snap out of it or try eating some good food and get some sleep" DAHHHHHHHH. I will keep the four letter words to Myself .

 

On some days I wondered what was worse knowing that people around Me were clueless or the illness itself. I would get so angry and say to them I wish You could be in My shoes for one blanking day and see if You could handle it any better. Only depressed people can help depressed people no one else understands .

[[Rx...]]

Unless a person has depression he or she will be totally clueless as to how a depressed person is feeling especially during a really bad episode . I have heard all the statements from the non depressed people and the part that sucks the most is when You have to listen to this from family members . When I was in the mental hospital " signed Myself in " My own family members were saying things like " You need to snap out of it or try eating some good food and get some sleep" DAHHHHHHHH. I will keep the four letter words to Myself .

 

On some days I wondered what was worse knowing that people around Me were clueless or the illness itself. I would get so angry and say to them I wish You could be in My shoes for one blanking day and see if You could handle it any better. Only depressed people can help depressed people no one else understands .

 

I've walked in those shoes (depression) too many days.  It's horrible, alright.  Sometimes even someone who has been there can be at a loss for words in re to what to say.  Sometimes all I can say is, I'm so sorry for your suffering.  However, I started this thread because knowing what not to say is so crucial for so many suffering.  Depression is rough enough all on its own without having it made worse inadvertently or not.

[[Jo...]]

I think it's hard to accept or realize that I've changed.  Hopefully, for the better.  I'm going throgh a real tuff time right now, n gotta move on the 3rd in the process.  Ever since I decided to move, everyone I know family or not has been being evil towards me.  I don't understand why people who were nice to you while you were living with them get angry and rude towards you, when you decide to move out?  It's like life, these drugs, and being forced to rely on others for so long has made it all harder to deal with.  I think sleep is the most important thing to not being depressed.  Many people are depressed from severe long term sleep deprivation, but I've tried to convince others that's what's going on with me, too, but they don't buy it.  They think I'm just an excuse making machine.  They tell me I don't know how good I have it.  Nothing could be further from the truty.  People take your hard work and helping them free of charge with chores, and projects, so they thihk ur good to go.  That ur getting better when ur getting worse.  It's like theyve been blinded and can't see or something?  I'm so bad now, I have a hard time just being in another person's presence.  I can't handle anything right now, so I don't want to be around people.  I am going to do my best with God's help and try to just live alone. 

 

This, too, will be stressful, but hopefully not as stressful as being judged falsely every day of your lifefor nearly ten years!  I thank God, enuff is enuff!  I've been told by people who supposedly love me, that if I move out, I can't come back!  (doesn't sound too much like love to me)

 

I gotta learn how to take being kicked down when I'm down and stressed and very sick.  I have to stop storing up false guilt.  I have to forgive n move on with my life.  (if that's even possible)  I have to find out who I am to myself, not what others say I am for a lifetime due to a lifetime on benzos.  We made it this far.  We'll make it til the end, God help me. This moving is going to be a huge learning experience for me.  It's going to come as a shock finding out who I really am as opposed to what others have labeled me while deathly depressed.  I feel like I can't let go of this guilt, until I prove myself to myself if that makes any sense.  Til I prove to myself, I am NOT who they say I am.

 

Doesn't give me license to be a jerk, either.  I'm just saying a few years of it, anyone should be able to handle, but 9 years?  These drugs have forced me to become what others think of me over time.  Now I have to unlearn that, so I can be a man again, and not fearful or cowardly.  So I can have courage in the risk and the danger.  So I believe again.  So I can be more who I really am in my spirit, not who nasty people are trying to convince me that I am.  Oh, how I hope we all get some reprieve.  This journey has been unspeakably long and painful.  It's the longevity of it that brings me down.  Not the suffering.

 

I'm not 100% innocent.  I've just admitted my faults and apologized, and asked for forgiveness for my faults over time.  I figured out how to tell if it's you that's mostly the problem, or if it's them:  Ask yourself who says they are sorry the most.  You?  or others?  They act like I am the only one who does things wrong.  It's hypocritcal and pathetic.

 

I DON'T NEED TO COMPLAIN ANYMORE.  I JUST NEED TO DO WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING FOR THE LAST 9 1/2 YEARS.  ... MY BEST!  THEY CAN TAKE OR LEAVE IT, CUZ GOD KNOWS IT ALL!

 

Dear God, please let my complaints fall on me, and not on others.

 

Kindly,

j

[[Rx...]]

I think it's hard to accept or realize that I've changed.  Hopefully, for the better.  I'm going throgh a real tuff time right now, n gotta move on the 3rd in the process.  Ever since I decided to move, everyone I know family or not has been being evil towards me.  I don't understand why people who were nice to you while you were living with them get angry and rude towards you, when you decide to move out?  It's like life, these drugs, and being forced to rely on others for so long has made it all harder to deal with.  I think sleep is the most important thing to not being depressed.  Many people are depressed from severe long term sleep deprivation, but I've tried to convince others that's what's going on with me, too, but they don't buy it.  They think I'm just an excuse making machine.  They tell me I don't know how good I have it.  Nothing could be further from the truty.  People take your hard work and helping them free of charge with chores, and projects, so they thihk ur good to go.  That ur getting better when ur getting worse.  It's like theyve been blinded and can't see or something?  I'm so bad now, I have a hard time just being in another person's presence.  I can't handle anything right now, so I don't want to be around people.  I am going to do my best with God's help and try to just live alone. 

 

This, too, will be stressful, but hopefully not as stressful as being judged falsely every day of your lifefor nearly ten years!  I thank God, enuff is enuff!  I've been told by people who supposedly love me, that if I move out, I can't come back!  (doesn't sound too much like love to me)

 

I gotta learn how to take being kicked down when I'm down and stressed and very sick.  I have to stop storing up false guilt.  I have to forgive n move on with my life.  (if that's even possible)  I have to find out who I am to myself, not what others say I am for a lifetime due to a lifetime on benzos.  We made it this far.  We'll make it til the end, God help me. This moving is going to be a huge learning experience for me.  It's going to come as a shock finding out who I really am as opposed to what others have labeled me while deathly depressed.  I feel like I can't let go of this guilt, until I prove myself to myself if that makes any sense.  Til I prove to myself, I am NOT who they say I am.

 

Doesn't give me license to be a jerk, either.  I'm just saying a few years of it, anyone should be able to handle, but 9 years?  These drugs have forced me to become what others think of me over time.  Now I have to unlearn that, so I can be a man again, and not fearful or cowardly.  So I can have courage in the risk and the danger.  So I believe again.  So I can be more who I really am in my spirit, not who nasty people are trying to convince me that I am.  Oh, how I hope we all get some reprieve.  This journey has been unspeakably long and painful.  It's the longevity of it that brings me down.  Not the suffering.

 

I'm not 100% innocent.  I've just admitted my faults and apologized, and asked for forgiveness for my faults over time.  I figured out how to tell if it's you that's mostly the problem, or if it's them:  Ask yourself who says they are sorry the most.  You?  or others?  They act like I am the only one who does things wrong.  It's hypocritcal and pathetic.

 

I DON'T NEED TO COMPLAIN ANYMORE.  I JUST NEED TO DO WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING FOR THE LAST 9 1/2 YEARS.  ... MY BEST!  THEY CAN TAKE OR LEAVE IT, CUZ GOD KNOWS IT ALL!

 

Dear God, please let my complaints fall on me, and not on others.

 

Kindly,

j

 

I think your post shows great insight and spirit, Jozsef.  Relaying reality in and of itself is not necessarily "complaining", however.  Reality is just what it is.  I think many of us here, including myself, totally understand that.

[[mo...]]

"So you think you got problems"

 

This was said to me a lot when I was growing up --when I did suffer from depression (but nothing like the depression I experience now).  But recently when I mentioned to my sister about someone really struggling with mental illness, I heard that old familiar phrase and the added words of "count your blessings".

 

 

[[Ma...]]

"So you think you got problems"

 

This was said to me a lot when I was growing up --when I did suffer from depression (but nothing like the depression I experience now).  But recently when I mentioned to my sister about someone really struggling with mental illness, I heard that old familiar phrase and the added words of "count your blessings".

 

 

Next time you could answer "Yes - but I did not expect you to be such an idiot" and on the second phrase just "I did. 3."

Any stupid sentence has a bigger sister, we just need to be brave and speak them out loud.

[[mo...]]

"So you think you got problems"

 

This was said to me a lot when I was growing up --when I did suffer from depression (but nothing like the depression I experience now).  But recently when I mentioned to my sister about someone really struggling with mental illness, I heard that old familiar phrase and the added words of "count your blessings".

 

 

Next time you could answer "Yes - but I did not expect you to be such an idiot" and on the second phrase just "I did. 3."

Any stupid sentence has a bigger sister, we just need to be brave and speak them out loud.

 

Marigold1

 

Thank you so much for your response. I hear you.

 

[[By...]]

"You'll feel better if you get out"

This has been my mom lately.

Except I can't get out cause I've been too physically ill, just standing up makes my hr jump to 130bpm

[[Jo...]]

I think it's hard to accept or realize that I've changed.  Hopefully, for the better.  I'm going throgh a real tuff time right now, n gotta move on the 3rd in the process.  Ever since I decided to move, everyone I know family or not has been being evil towards me.  I don't understand why people who were nice to you while you were living with them get angry and rude towards you, when you decide to move out?  It's like life, these drugs, and being forced to rely on others for so long has made it all harder to deal with.  I think sleep is the most important thing to not being depressed.  Many people are depressed from severe long term sleep deprivation, but I've tried to convince others that's what's going on with me, too, but they don't buy it.  They think I'm just an excuse making machine.  They tell me I don't know how good I have it.  Nothing could be further from the truty.  People take your hard work and helping them free of charge with chores, and projects, so they thihk ur good to go.  That ur getting better when ur getting worse.  It's like theyve been blinded and can't see or something?  I'm so bad now, I have a hard time just being in another person's presence.  I can't handle anything right now, so I don't want to be around people.  I am going to do my best with God's help and try to just live alone. 

 

This, too, will be stressful, but hopefully not as stressful as being judged falsely every day of your lifefor nearly ten years!  I thank God, enuff is enuff!  I've been told by people who supposedly love me, that if I move out, I can't come back!  (doesn't sound too much like love to me)

 

I gotta learn how to take being kicked down when I'm down and stressed and very sick.  I have to stop storing up false guilt.  I have to forgive n move on with my life.  (if that's even possible)  I have to find out who I am to myself, not what others say I am for a lifetime due to a lifetime on benzos.  We made it this far.  We'll make it til the end, God help me. This moving is going to be a huge learning experience for me.  It's going to come as a shock finding out who I really am as opposed to what others have labeled me while deathly depressed.  I feel like I can't let go of this guilt, until I prove myself to myself if that makes any sense.  Til I prove to myself, I am NOT who they say I am.

 

Doesn't give me license to be a jerk, either.  I'm just saying a few years of it, anyone should be able to handle, but 9 years?  These drugs have forced me to become what others think of me over time.  Now I have to unlearn that, so I can be a man again, and not fearful or cowardly.  So I can have courage in the risk and the danger.  So I believe again.  So I can be more who I really am in my spirit, not who nasty people are trying to convince me that I am.  Oh, how I hope we all get some reprieve.  This journey has been unspeakably long and painful.  It's the longevity of it that brings me down.  Not the suffering.

 

I'm not 100% innocent.  I've just admitted my faults and apologized, and asked for forgiveness for my faults over time.  I figured out how to tell if it's you that's mostly the problem, or if it's them:  Ask yourself who says they are sorry the most.  You?  or others?  They act like I am the only one who does things wrong.  It's hypocritcal and pathetic.

 

I DON'T NEED TO COMPLAIN ANYMORE.  I JUST NEED TO DO WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING FOR THE LAST 9 1/2 YEARS.  ... MY BEST!  THEY CAN TAKE OR LEAVE IT, CUZ GOD KNOWS IT ALL!

 

Dear God, please let my complaints fall on me, and not on others.

 

Kindly,

j

 

I think your post shows great insight and spirit, Jozsef.  Relaying reality in and of itself is not necessarily "complaining", however.  Reality is just what it is.  I think many of us here, including myself, totally understand that.

 

RxDamaged

 

Thanks for the encouragement.  I'd have to agree with you.  I think the complaining line gets crossed when it goes beyond genuine self pity (compassion) or genuine pity (compassion) for others.  In fact, I'll go a step further in that I think it's wrong to NOT have pity on those who genuinely need it.  Thank you for sharing your excellent spirit with me.

 

Kindly,

j

[[Jo...]]

"You'll feel better if you get out"

This has been my mom lately.

Except I can't get out cause I've been too physically ill, just standing up makes my hr jump to 130bpm

Byrjun

 

I'd say your saying is within the top 5 worse things to say to someone who is depressed.  Right up there with "you need to exercise more." 

 

Kindly,

j

[[Rx...]]

Jozsef, thank you for sharing your excellent spirit with me.

 

And my best wishes and prayers continue for all struggling here.  May 2018 be a better year for all here who have suffered much in 2017.