2018 Jump Squad

[[To...]]

Toomannybennies: I see you've just jumped  congratulations..!!

Thanks fer. I am almost laughing at the use of the term "jump" since I was so low -- it is more like a walk off. I've been really busy and that is helping with daily living (distractions). My number one issue is sleep. But, the benzo was not helping there prior to my taper. I will actually be making an appointment with a sleep doctor this week, but it will probably take 2-4 weeks for an opening to get in to see him.

 

Hope you are having good days.

[[fe...]]

Today has been an awful day for me. I think I am paying the price for the rescue dose I took last Tuesday. Normally I feel the wave about 4-5 days after a dose. Hope to be better tomorrow. I have been with a heaviness in my head, foggy mind, depression and despair.

[[To...]]

Today has been an awful day for me. I think I am paying the price for the rescue dose I took last Tuesday. Normally I feel the wave about 4-5 days after a dose. Hope to be better tomorrow. I have been with a heaviness in my head, foggy mind, depression and despair.

fer, that totally sucks. You are going through the toughest stage right now. Hope it passes quickly. Hang on and power through.

[[To...]]

Welcome and congrats to the new jumpers!

 

Anybody find themselves doing less benzo searching and more living lately? After starting to feel like myself again, Im trying to take advantage of every single day and be present in the moment. I promised myself id never take a day for granted when i started to feel better.

Great attitude, kp! I've been busy, which is a good thing, and it does keep me off the internet, which is also a good thing.

[[fe...]]

Today has been an awful day for me. I think I am paying the price for the rescue dose I took last Tuesday. Normally I feel the wave about 4-5 days after a dose. Hope to be better tomorrow. I have been with a heaviness in my head, foggy mind, depression and despair.

fer, that totally sucks. You are going through the toughest stage right now. Hope it passes quickly. Hang on and power through.

 

Thanks!! me too..hope this passes quickly..this is so crushing!!

[[fe...]]

:'(

Suffering severe insomnia. Last night I did not sleep at all. Today I am bad. Crying and totally dysfunctional. Not sure if It is the "rescue dose" I took last Tuesday. I am throwing the towel my friends....need support please!!

[[ne...]]

fer6638,

 

Sorry you are feeling so bad. Its looks like we jumped about 11 days apart and both tapered from Clonazepam. I unfortunately don't have any advice on the rescue dose part because I haven't experienced that but I 100% know exactly how you are feeling mentally. The rollercoaster of just the mental symptoms alone is hard to bare. Going back and forth feeling good/bad gets exhausting. So, we are def battling this together my friend. I do think that hardest part is getting to the finish line (Benzo free) which you have already made it there. Keep your head up and try and distract yourself if you can. Sorry I am not much help but I did want to give you some words of encouragement, as I know sometimes it can help. Hope you start feeling better!

[[fe...]]

fer6638,

 

Sorry you are feeling so bad. Its looks like we jumped about 11 days apart and both tapered from Clonazepam. I unfortunately don't have any advice on the rescue dose part because I haven't experienced that but I 100% know exactly how you are feeling mentally. The rollercoaster of just the mental symptoms alone is hard to bare. Going back and forth feeling good/bad gets exhausting. So, we are def battling this together my friend. I do think that hardest part is getting to the finish line (Benzo free) which you have already made it there. Keep your head up and try and distract yourself if you can. Sorry I am not much help but I did want to give you some words of encouragement, as I know sometimes it can help. Hope you start feeling better!

 

Thanks so much newlife78!! of course your words are very helpful, I appreciate that! Sometimes I want to go back to benzos and stop this. But a voice in my mind tell me I have to fight, I have to win over this!!!

[[ne...]]

No problem:) Glad I could help. Yep I think that's the one thing I would like to believe everyone struggles with, the ultimate question of "Should I go back?". The positive thing is we both have that voice inside of our head saying "keep going forward".  That's a blessing and to me that proves your will power is stronger than your desire to go back. But trust me, I don't think its abnormal to question yourself by any means. This withdrawal will certainly do that. Its such a mind game. You are not alone my friend:)

[[ga...]]

I jumped on Jan 11 so am very fresh out of the gate.  The depression and black blankness inside gets worse every day.  I manage to sleep and am not having physical symptoms thank the Lord.  But, the mental ones are hellish.  The internal clawing and agitation, depression and dp/dr make me think I'm completely done for and that I will be mentally ill the rest of my life. All my friends and family are gone and I'm totally alone at age 65....and I do mean completely alone.  I can't communicate and have a very hard time putting thoughts (like this) in writing.  I also am not able to be encouraging to others on BB because I'm so negative and depressed.

 

I still have 48 mg of Cymbalta to taper, so am not out of the woods yet.  Of course, I can't even think about that until I'm healed from benzo withdrawal, if that ever happens. 

 

Do sxs just continue to get worse after you jump until about 6 or 8 months before getting better?

[[Et...]]

Fer, I think the rescue dose has little to do with it. We can't throw in the towel as we may not get relief and would have to go through this again. I am in the same boat with you and even had a good cry this morning; I had a few small bad things happen in a row and it joined everything else to overwhelm me; it takes very little to do so these days. Stay strong, we are in the middle of the storm.

 

Gardenlady, I cannot fathom what you are going through, it's amazing you are making it on your own; my episode this morning got worse when I felt I couldn't talk to anybody. I got it out by just talking to God and then my close brother who passed away, you could try something like that too. In my life every bad season I've had has ended, and after that I've been much better than before, that's my hope for all of us after this. It can take up to 3 months to see the benefits from what I've learned and we should be over the worst after the first month.

[[fe...]]

Fer, I think the rescue dose has little to do with it. We can't throw in the towel as we may not get relief and would have to go through this again. I am in the same boat with you and even had a good cry this morning; I had a few small bad things happen in a row and it joined everything else to overwhelm me; it takes very little to do so these days. Stay strong, we are in the middle of the storm.

 

 

Thanks Ethan. I am considering taking a break from my job as musician. Last gig was horrendous, the stage is causing me a lot of stress, when normally it does not and I almost ended taking clonazepam in the middle of the gig, I want to avoid that!!. I am considering a 2-3 months of absence to stabilize my organism ...what do you think?

[[sw...]]

:'(

Suffering severe insomnia. Last night I did not sleep at all. Today I am bad. Crying and totally dysfunctional. Not sure if It is the "rescue dose" I took last Tuesday. I am throwing the towel my friends....need support please!!

I hear you forever. Well your name didn't come out quite right. I am also dealing with some serious depression and foggy head. I support you and going forward and hope that you have some windows up ahead. I never thought about reinstating or taking a rescue dose until now

 

I intend to do whatever I can to avoid taking these nasty pills again. I am so grateful that this forum exists because I live alone and I am often isolated.

 

Tommy

[[To...]]

fer6638,

 

Sorry you are feeling so bad. Its looks like we jumped about 11 days apart and both tapered from Clonazepam. I unfortunately don't have any advice on the rescue dose part because I haven't experienced that but I 100% know exactly how you are feeling mentally. The rollercoaster of just the mental symptoms alone is hard to bare. Going back and forth feeling good/bad gets exhausting. So, we are def battling this together my friend. I do think that hardest part is getting to the finish line (Benzo free) which you have already made it there. Keep your head up and try and distract yourself if you can. Sorry I am not much help but I did want to give you some words of encouragement, as I know sometimes it can help. Hope you start feeling better!

 

Thanks so much newlife78!! of course your words are very helpful, I appreciate that! Sometimes I want to go back to benzos and stop this. But a voice in my mind tell me I have to fight, I have to win over this!!!

Fer, I hope you don't go back to benzos, although I can understand that you might feel that way. Think about the reasons why you got off of them in the first place. Keep listening to that voice to keep fighting.

 

Are there new stressors in your like, or do you think this solely due to acute withdrawal?

 

Getting no sleep always magnifies and puts us in the worst possible mood. I hope things change for you tonight -- although your ability to manage your anxiety and not put pressure on yourself to fall asleep will be key.

[[fe...]]

fer6638,

 

Sorry you are feeling so bad. Its looks like we jumped about 11 days apart and both tapered from Clonazepam. I unfortunately don't have any advice on the rescue dose part because I haven't experienced that but I 100% know exactly how you are feeling mentally. The rollercoaster of just the mental symptoms alone is hard to bare. Going back and forth feeling good/bad gets exhausting. So, we are def battling this together my friend. I do think that hardest part is getting to the finish line (Benzo free) which you have already made it there. Keep your head up and try and distract yourself if you can. Sorry I am not much help but I did want to give you some words of encouragement, as I know sometimes it can help. Hope you start feeling better!

 

Thanks so much newlife78!! of course your words are very helpful, I appreciate that! Sometimes I want to go back to benzos and stop this. But a voice in my mind tell me I have to fight, I have to win over this!!!

Fer, I hope you don't go back to benzos, although I can understand that you might feel that way. Think about the reasons why you got off of them in the first place. Keep listening to that voice to keep fighting.

 

Are there new stressors in your like, or do you think this solely due to acute withdrawal?

 

Getting no sleep always magnifies and puts us in the worst possible mood. I hope things change for you tonight -- although your ability to manage your anxiety and not put pressure on yourself to fall asleep will be key.

 

I think my main stressor right now is my job as musician. Last gig was terrible, dizzy, derealization, fainting sensation....

I am considering taking a break from my job to stabilize. Last gig I almost ended taking a clonazepam dose!!!

[[Et...]]

Fer, I haven't missed any functions or obligations ever since I started the taper, for some reason I didn't want to have any regret after I'm done that I missed or lost anything, I've been very uncomfortable though. If you have very good finances taking a break would be a good option, or perhaps just cutting down so you don't miss out too much?

[[ga...]]

Gardenlady, I cannot fathom what you are going through, it's amazing you are making it on your own; my episode this morning got worse when I felt I couldn't talk to anybody. I got it out by just talking to God and then my close brother who passed away, you could try something like that too. In my life every bad season I've had has ended, and after that I've been much better than before, that's my hope for all of us after this. It can take up to 3 months to see the benefits from what I've learned and we should be over the worst after the first month.

Ethan, Thanks so much for your kind response.  This may be too much information, but I try to talk to God and it always seems like I'm talking to myself.  I don't have a sense of two-way dialog.  I read the Bible every morning and pray, but my heart is so angry, negative, whiny and complaining that I can't rise above it.  So, I ask God to help me with that.  Perhaps I'm not supposed to say things like this outside of the Faith Board....sorry moderators if I've broken a rule here.  I've tried posting on the Faith Board, but they're all so faith-filled and strong that they don't seem to be able to relate to what I'm feeling.  I wish I were as chirpy and cheerful as they all are. 

 

[[Et...]]

Ethan, Thanks so much for your kind response.  This may be too much information, but I try to talk to God and it always seems like I'm talking to myself.  I don't have a sense of two-way dialog.  I read the Bible every morning and pray, but my heart is so angry, negative, whiny and complaining that I can't rise above it.  So, I ask God to help me with that.  Perhaps I'm not supposed to say things like this outside of the Faith Board....sorry moderators if I've broken a rule here.  I've tried posting on the Faith Board, but they're all so faith-filled and strong that they don't seem to be able to relate to what I'm feeling.  I wish I were as chirpy and cheerful as they all are.

 

I've never been able to get the 2 way dialogue either. I think it helps more in letting it out, we hold so much inside and need to vent it out for even the universe to hear. I truly understand what you are going through; these waves are very hard to go through but they too will pass. Keep in mind that we are in acute withdrawal and it's the worst it's going to get; there are blue skies on the other side, we just need to get past this to get there!

 

[[kp...]]

Ethan, Thanks so much for your kind response.  This may be too much information, but I try to talk to God and it always seems like I'm talking to myself.  I don't have a sense of two-way dialog.  I read the Bible every morning and pray, but my heart is so angry, negative, whiny and complaining that I can't rise above it.  So, I ask God to help me with that.  Perhaps I'm not supposed to say things like this outside of the Faith Board....sorry moderators if I've broken a rule here.  I've tried posting on the Faith Board, but they're all so faith-filled and strong that they don't seem to be able to relate to what I'm feeling.  I wish I were as chirpy and cheerful as they all are.

 

I've never been able to get the 2 way dialogue either. I think it helps more in letting it out, we hold so much inside and need to vent it out for even the universe to hear. I truly understand what you are going through; these waves are very hard to go through but they too will pass. Keep in mind that we are in acute withdrawal and it's the worst it's going to get; there are blue skies on the other side, we just need to get past this to get there!

 

Mental clarity improves significantly for most after the 1-2 month mark. Ive gone through more mental ups and downs the last week then I did during my taper. But everytime i come out of it i feel a bit more mentally stable

[[kp...]]

You are all doing amazing

 

Id bet money that over 90% of the population cant handle this for more than a few days. We are warriors...

[[fe...]]

You are all doing amazing

 

Id bet money that over 90% of the population cant handle this for more than a few days. We are warriors...

 

That is true!!! 

[[To...]]

I hope the squad is doing well today. All OK on my side. Actually, a decent night's sleep. Still only barely 6 hours, but it was more restful. Gearing up for a 3-day, 2-night trip, Thu-Sat. A chance that could mess up my sleep for a few days, but I am not going to obsess over that possibility and maybe it will be fine.

[[Et...]]

I hope the squad is doing well today. All OK on my side. Actually, a decent night's sleep. Still only barely 6 hours, but it was more restful. Gearing up for a 3-day, 2-night trip, Thu-Sat. A chance that could mess up my sleep for a few days, but I am not going to obsess over that possibility and maybe it will be fine.

 

Glad you are doing OK, try to stay as calm as possible during your trip.

 

I’m hanging in there, some worry and a tough couple of days; but still staying strong.

[[fe...]]

Glad you are doing ok guys. I have been so bad. Crying, fearful. I coud not sleep at all last night, even that I took 25mg of doxylamine.. Not sure what is happening. I am losing the battle I am afraid.  :'(

Yesterday I was terribly anxious all day. Losing hope. What to do??

 

[[Et...]]

You’re doing great Fer, in the middle of the storm it’s hard to see anything, we may think it’s forever and that this is the end (Like I do) but there are clear skies past it. Have faith in the success stories on the board. I am also having a very rough time, but going back on the poison will probably not give us relief, a higher dose maybe, but then we have to do this all over again. For me I’d rather stay like this than to have to taper again. Stay strong, it will get better.