Seems to be getting harder

[[He...]]

First post here and just wondering… I seem to be struggling more 8 weeks off than I was just a couple of weeks off. It’s hard for my brain to wrap itself around that. I would love some words of encouragement of those who’ve been through this. When did it get “easier” for you? Meaning less waves and intensity.

For reference I was on .5mg-1mg of lorazepam for almost a year at 1-2 a month and then 1-2 a week for the last few months. I didn’t notice an issue until I put two and two together that I was having inter-dose WD. I quit cold turkey and asked an expert who agreed that since I wasn’t a consistent user that CT was probably the best route rather than adding more into my system. Especially because I did so well after the first few days off. I really miss the first good window I had and I’m working so hard on getting back to stable. Lots of histamine issues & gut issues on top of WD so sticking to a really clean low histamine diet and resting out this bad wave.

Adding a picture of our new puppy to bring some extra dopamine to your day.

[[Tw...]]

16 minutes ago, [[H...] said:

First post here and just wondering… I seem to be struggling more 8 weeks off than I was just a couple of weeks off. It’s hard for my brain to wrap itself around that. I would love some words of encouragement of those who’ve been through this. When did it get “easier” for you? Meaning less waves and intensity.

For reference I was on .5mg-1mg of lorazepam for almost a year at 1-2 a month and then 1-2 a week for the last few months. I didn’t notice an issue until I put two and two together that I was having inter-dose WD. I quit cold turkey and asked an expert who agreed that since I wasn’t a consistent user that CT was probably the best route rather than adding more into my system. Especially because I did so well after the first few days off. I really miss the first good window I had and I’m working so hard on getting back to stable. Lots of histamine issues & gut issues on top of WD so sticking to a really clean low histamine diet and resting out this bad wave.

Adding a picture of our new puppy to bring some extra dopamine to your day.

@[He...]Time will heal your brain and your body.  Congratulations on quitting benzodiazepines. I am very proud of you. I quit benzodiazepines 2 months ago. I was getting better but my husband and my adult son triggered my panic attacks and insomnia and extremely high anxiety levels. Protect yourself from situations causing too much stress if you can . From everything I have read on this website, Time will heal everything caused by Benzodiazepine withdrawal. 

 

[[jo...]]

Hi and welcome. This is a very up and down experience as your discovering. What it sounds like your experiencing is known as windows and waves. Many have this healing process myself included. I experienced a wave lasting about 2 weeks that was worse than anything I experienced in the first couple of months.

Then I had the best nights sleep I've had in ages. Hard to make sense of but thats just how it works. The waves will get shorter and the windows will get longer until your back to normal. This is what I keep getting told and I seem to be following that pattern. It's frustrating and unsettling but also a sign that your brain is repairing things. T.ry not to be discouraged.

[[je...]]

I’m sorry you’re struggling at the moment. Unfortunately recovering is not a linear process. As explained above you go through windows and waves. I use the analogy of renovating a house. You renovate room by room. When you do demolitions it’s painful but it doesn’t mean the house isn’t getting renovated. That’s the same as a wave. Then you start painting and tiling and doing finishes which is the windows. When you move onto the next room you do some demolition work again, which is the waves again. But as you go along the intensity will decrease and the duration of the waves will decrease. At the one year mark I was doing so much better than when I jumped. I definitely noticed a  big improvement. 

[[He...]]

@[Tw...] Agreed. My stress tolerance is zilch right now. Protect yourself my friend! And if you need a buddy to chat with who is on the same time frame as you let me know. 

[[He...]]

@[jo...] Thanks! Were you at about that 2 month mark when you had a rough wave too then? I keep thinking if I can just make it to 3 months out it might be much better overall. I appreciate your insight and welcoming! 

[[He...]]

@[je...] Thanks! So you did a lot of white knuckling until a year out? 

[[jo...]]

1 minute ago, [[H...] said:

@[jo...] Thanks! Were you at about that 2 month mark when you had a rough wave too then? I keep thinking if I can just make it to 3 months out it might be much better overall. I appreciate your insight and welcoming! 

Hi your welcome. It has kind of went like this. 1st 8 weeks or so were rough in one way or another but kind of improved as the weeks went on. All of a sudden I slept pretty well one night and woke up feeling a lot better with minimal morning anxiety that went away fast and stayed away all day. still not feeling right but a lot better and pretty much fully functional. This went on for a few weeks where my main symptoms were afternoon bouts of depression, which were bad, but passed after about 3 hours. You could set your watch to it, it was really weird. And also sensitivity to things like I struggled to watch TV etc. But all in all there was definite improvement.

Then a few weeks ago I got slamed by a wave. Bad persistant anxiety, bad depression, bad insomnia, crazy mood cycling, just all over the place. I have recently started to pick up after a couple of weeks. All the listed symptoms have improved a lot. Until the next time

I wouldn't use my timeline as an exact guide for yours as were all different but in my experience you can feel really terrible for days and then one day your just feeling a lot better. It's a weird and unpridictable process. You could honestly come out of it at any time you just dont know.

[[je...]]

11 minutes ago, [[H...] said:

@[je...] Thanks! So you did a lot of white knuckling until a year out? 

My recovery in the first year was a bit problematic because I had another health issue that mirrored benzo withdrawal. My symptoms got worse but it wasn't because of withdrawal. I struggled for months as I thought it was withdrawal but when I eventually mentioned it to my doctor, she diagnosed me and we got it sorted. Then it took about 3 months to see some real improvement and that was when I hit the one year mark. 

[[En...]]

I read a post on this website comparing this to the World Trade Center. If it hadn't been completely demolished it would have been rebuilt. Imagine it being rebuilt while the building was occupied and being used for business. Parts of the building would be rebuilt while other parts are occupied. Temporary elevators would have to be built then torn down then rebuilt again for the people working in the building to use. It is a long process but things are being rebuilt while other parts are being occupied. Your brain is doing the same thing parts are being rebuilt while other parts are being used. You have temporary feelings like anxiety and insomnia like the elevators being built and torn down. But eventually the whole building will be rebuilt and back to normal operation like your brain.  It is a long painful process but in the end everything goes back to normal.

[[He...]]

@[En...] Thank you for that insight! I appreciate your rebuilding imagery.