2018 Jump Squad

[[fe...]]

I am totally a mess. Trying to stay as strong as possible...no sleep at all...

[[Et...]]

I know Fer, me too. Distract yourself, watch romantic comedies or cartoons if you can; going out for a walk with some music is great too.

 

It could be worse, I am going to my horrible primary doctor to see my test results, I already have a preview as the nurse tole me I had something come up in my EKG. 

[[To...]]

I am totally a mess. Trying to stay as strong as possible...no sleep at all...

Fer, sorry you are feeling bad. Know that you have buddies thinking about you and wishing you strength! It is not going to stay like this forever and you have come so far. Break it down into small chunks. Get distracted. Let it flow through you - try not to fight it. Breathe.

 

You've got this.

[[To...]]

I know Fer, me too. Distract yourself, watch romantic comedies or cartoons if you can; going out for a walk with some music is great too.

 

It could be worse, I am going to my horrible primary doctor to see my test results, I already have a preview as the nurse tole me I had something come up in my EKG. 

Ethan - nothing like a health issue to bring new stressors into the mix. Plus, it appears you do not have good experiences with this doc. Let us know how it goes -- sometimes they put more drama on it than necessary because they have shitty communication skills or no empathy.

 

Regardless, it is what it is and you will deal with it. On a less onerous note, I am off to the orthopedic doctor to discuss likely wrist, elbow and shoulder surgery for my right arm that I injured almost one year ago. The non-surgical options got me so far, but problems persist. I do not like this doctor, either, but that may be more my problem than his.

 

I hope things work out for you.

[[Et...]]

I know Fer, me too. Distract yourself, watch romantic comedies or cartoons if you can; going out for a walk with some music is great too.

 

It could be worse, I am going to my horrible primary doctor to see my test results, I already have a preview as the nurse tole me I had something come up in my EKG. 

Ethan - nothing like a health issue to bring new stressors into the mix. Plus, it appears you do not have good experiences with this doc. Let us know how it goes -- sometimes they put more drama on it than necessary because they have shitty communication skills or no empathy.

 

Regardless, it is what it is and you will deal with it. On a less onerous note, I am off to the orthopedic doctor to discuss likely wrist, elbow and shoulder surgery for my right arm that I injured almost one year ago. The non-surgical options got me so far, but problems persist. I do not like this doctor, either, but that may be more my problem than his.

 

I hope things work out for you.

 

Thanks TooManyBennies, it went better than expected, my EKG showed a heart beat that was ahead of time; apparently it's nothing to worry or they would have stopped me that day from leaving. My blood work was normal with just some slight cholesterol stuff but I don't even need meds. Hope your appointment went well too; I've had a few friends go through those surgeries and it takes a couple of months to get to 100%, they've all fully recovered though, hope that's your case.

[[To...]]

I know Fer, me too. Distract yourself, watch romantic comedies or cartoons if you can; going out for a walk with some music is great too.

 

It could be worse, I am going to my horrible primary doctor to see my test results, I already have a preview as the nurse tole me I had something come up in my EKG. 

Ethan - nothing like a health issue to bring new stressors into the mix. Plus, it appears you do not have good experiences with this doc. Let us know how it goes -- sometimes they put more drama on it than necessary because they have shitty communication skills or no empathy.

 

Regardless, it is what it is and you will deal with it. On a less onerous note, I am off to the orthopedic doctor to discuss likely wrist, elbow and shoulder surgery for my right arm that I injured almost one year ago. The non-surgical options got me so far, but problems persist. I do not like this doctor, either, but that may be more my problem than his.

 

I hope things work out for you.

 

Thanks TooManyBennies, it went better than expected, my EKG showed a heart beat that was ahead of time; apparently it's nothing to worry or they would have stopped me that day from leaving. My blood work was normal with just some slight cholesterol stuff but I don't even need meds. Hope your appointment went well too; I've had a few friends go through those surgeries and it takes a couple of months to get to 100%, they've all fully recovered though, hope that's your case.

I'm really glad to hear that things are not serious with you and especially that you don't need any new meds.

 

I had reasonably good news in that shoulder has no tear in the rotator cuff, so no surgery needed there, apparently just a bad case of bursitis. Elbow on hold, have wrist surgery scheduled for end of February -- but will try immobilizing with splints and if things calm down may get to avoid wrist surgery as well.

[[Et...]]

I'm really glad to hear that things are not serious with you and especially that you don't need any new meds.

 

I had reasonably good news in that shoulder has no tear in the rotator cuff, so no surgery needed there, apparently just a bad case of bursitis. Elbow on hold, have wrist surgery scheduled for end of February -- but will try immobilizing with splints and if things calm down may get to avoid wrist surgery as well.

 

Glad to hear it's not extensive, I have a "delicate" wrist and always sleep with a splint at night; I know benzos affect everything, perhaps joints will improve with time also.

[[kp...]]

How is everyone? Sleep has been off and brainfog is still heavy. Went to the gym and feeling a bit better.

 

Hope everyone is holding on 

[[Et...]]

How is everyone? Sleep has been off and brainfog is still heavy. Went to the gym and feeling a bit better.

 

Hope everyone is holding on 

 

Glad you're hanging in there, the gym does help.

 

I'm doing OK, woke up in a weird state but the afternoon was good; had less negative thoughts today and I hope it stays this way. 

[[kp...]]

Mornings are the worst time of the day for me. A trick that has helped feeling very off in the morning is having a banana or some almonds as soon as I wake up. How are you sleeping?

[[Et...]]

Mornings are the worst time of the day for me. A trick that has helped feeling very off in the morning is having a banana or some almonds as soon as I wake up. How are you sleeping?

 

My sleep has been constant since the beginning of my taper, I wake up every hour or 45 min for a bit but still get about 6-7 hours. Today I had the same bad feeling but within a couple of hours I felt really good, these days I do the apple cider and lime tea as soon as I wake up. Fortunately I can handle lime, salmon and being in the balcony; I was also happy to find that I can do decaf coffee. I was even thinking of posting it on the benzo free celebrations board.

 

How are you doing Kpinsurvivor? I hope everybody else is hanging in there, I think and hope since it’s the end of week 3 we are all past the worst.

 

[[To...]]

kpinsurvivor and Ethan:

 

Just got back from a 3 day trip. Happy to say that the travel did not mess me up. Sleep overnight is still stuck at 5.5 hours, but I was able to get some power naps in during the daytime to give me a second wind.

 

So, all-in-all, the first week out has been pretty steady.

 

You both sound like you are handling your sxs fairly well. Hope that's still the case.

 

Has anybody heard from fer lately?

[[fe...]]

Hi Guys:I am glad that everything is moving froward healing with you. Unfortunately I had to reinstate to 0.25mg. I had a very nasty panic attack with suicidal ideation..my life was in danger and I decided to go back and stabilize at a low dose (0.25mg). I am thinking to start again this year (in a couple of months) making liquid daily microtapering no matter how long it takes. My pdoc wants me to take sertraline to cope with the anxiety, which was the main reason I could not handle the withdrawals. I have to give sertraline 4 weeks to take its effect. Meanwhile I continue with 0.25mg clonazepam daily. I think in march I am going to restart my tapering from that amount.

I will be back ,  to check this thread if you do not mind.

Be well guys!! keep the good work!!

[[ne...]]

Hi Fer, I'm sorry to hear about that panic attack, sounds really horrible! These drugs are messing us up in so many ways!  I hope that Zoloft will help you to come off the benzos, one can tell you are very determined. Of course, do check in to update on your status, I have a feeling I will still be hanging around this thread in March also. 

 

Things are moving very slowly for me, I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel just yet... I'm still very much struggling with insomnia and agonizing abdominal pain, along with other sxs. 

 

Wish all of you on this journey strength to keep pushing forward. Big hugs, everybody! xoxo

[[ga...]]

I am in complete terror of death and hell 24/7.  Does anyone else have this?  It's my worst symptom....my sxs are all mental with no physical ones except insomnia (is that physical or mental?). I have shallow rapid breathing and am in severe anxiety and depression all the time with no letup.  I'm only 10 days post-jump, so am wondering what to expect.  I'm terrified to live and to die.

 

I am completely alone and isolated.  I'm too fearful to be around people and my family and friends abandoned me long ago due to my bizarre and negative behavior.  How can one survive with no personal contact?  I desperately need in-person human contact....electronic  friendships and communication are not sufficient.  But, I'm too crazy-acting and objectionable for anyone to be around.  I am my own worst enemy.

[[fe...]]

Hi Fer, I'm sorry to hear about that panic attack, sounds really horrible! These drugs are messing us up in so many ways!  I hope that Zoloft will help you to come off the benzos, one can tell you are very determined. Of course, do check in to update on your status, I have a feeling I will still be hanging around this thread in March also. 

 

Things are moving very slowly for me, I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel just yet... I'm still very much struggling with insomnia and agonizing abdominal pain, along with other sxs. 

 

Wish all of you on this journey strength to keep pushing forward. Big hugs, everybody! xoxo

 

Thanks a lot new0girl!! :

 

it is tough to be free and then discover that I failed to stay free. In 2006 I was on clonazepam 0.5mg for 2-3 months I do not remember well, but I was also on Cymbalta too, and now I am not on any other med. I was able to taper the benzo without problems, and two months after that I tapered the Cymbalta with some bearable symptoms. Apparently the antidepressant serve to ameliorate the withdrawal from benzos. Hope this time I am going to make it.  Hope the best to all the 2018 jump squad

[[ga...]]

Hi Fer, I'm sorry to hear about that panic attack, sounds really horrible! These drugs are messing us up in so many ways!  I hope that Zoloft will help you to come off the benzos, one can tell you are very determined. Of course, do check in to update on your status, I have a feeling I will still be hanging around this thread in March also. 

 

Things are moving very slowly for me, I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel just yet... I'm still very much struggling with insomnia and agonizing abdominal pain, along with other sxs. 

 

Wish all of you on this journey strength to keep pushing forward. Big hugs, everybody! xoxo

 

Thanks a lot new0girl!! :

 

it is tough to be free and then discover that I failed to stay free. In 2006 I was on clonazepam 0.5mg for 2-3 months I do not remember well, but I was also on Cymbalta too, and now I am not on any other med. I was able to taper the benzo without problems, and two months after that I tapered the Cymbalta with some bearable symptoms. Apparently the antidepressant serve to ameliorate the withdrawal from benzos. Hope this time I am going to make it.  Hope the best to all the 2018 jump squad

fer, How did you taper Cymbalta?  I have 48 mg to taper...I tried cutting in May 2017 & got from 60 mg to 48 mg, but had to stop as I was in benzo withdrawal and couldn't taper two drugs at once.  I've heard horror stories about Cymbalta so was heartened to read that you managed to get off of it.  How did you know when you were stable enough to start that taper after the benzo taper?

[[ne...]]

Fer, I know how you feel, I was very close to reinstating myself. It's heartbreaking, but you haven't given up, so that's the most important thing. 

 

Gardenlady, your situation sounds terrible! Sounds very intense, you shouldn't feel like that all the time.  Maybe you dropped too fast?

[[fe...]]

Hi Fer, I'm sorry to hear about that panic attack, sounds really horrible! These drugs are messing us up in so many ways!  I hope that Zoloft will help you to come off the benzos, one can tell you are very determined. Of course, do check in to update on your status, I have a feeling I will still be hanging around this thread in March also. 

 

Things are moving very slowly for me, I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel just yet... I'm still very much struggling with insomnia and agonizing abdominal pain, along with other sxs. 

 

Wish all of you on this journey strength to keep pushing forward. Big hugs, everybody! xoxo

 

Thanks a lot new0girl!! :

 

it is tough to be free and then discover that I failed to stay free. In 2006 I was on clonazepam 0.5mg for 2-3 months I do not remember well, but I was also on Cymbalta too, and now I am not on any other med. I was able to taper the benzo without problems, and two months after that I tapered the Cymbalta with some bearable symptoms. Apparently the antidepressant serve to ameliorate the withdrawal from benzos. Hope this time I am going to make it.  Hope the best to all the 2018 jump squad

fer, How did you taper Cymbalta?  I have 48 mg to taper...I tried cutting in May 2017 & got from 60 mg to 48 mg, but had to stop as I was in benzo withdrawal and couldn't taper two drugs at once.  I've heard horror stories about Cymbalta so was heartened to read that you managed to get off of it.  How did you know when you were stable enough to start that taper after the benzo taper?

 

Hi gardenlady: I made laborious job, opening the capsules and counting the little balls inside them. That way, I was reducing the amount of tiny balls slowly every two weeks. It took me more or less 4 months (which I think could be more to reduce symptoms) to get from 60mg to zero, I had some withdrawal effects, but nothing as bad like benzo withdrawal,

Hope the info is helpful

[[To...]]

I am in complete terror of death and hell 24/7.  Does anyone else have this?  It's my worst symptom....my sxs are all mental with no physical ones except insomnia (is that physical or mental?). I have shallow rapid breathing and am in severe anxiety and depression all the time with no letup.  I'm only 10 days post-jump, so am wondering what to expect.  I'm terrified to live and to die.

 

I am completely alone and isolated.  I'm too fearful to be around people and my family and friends abandoned me long ago due to my bizarre and negative behavior.  How can one survive with no personal contact?  I desperately need in-person human contact....electronic  friendships and communication are not sufficient.  But, I'm too crazy-acting and objectionable for anyone to be around.  I am my own worst enemy.

gardenlady: sounds like you are in a tough spot that I hope you can climb out of. Are you seeing a therapist? When you say you are terrified to live and to die, you are really boxed in. Talking with someone (a therapist) may help you sort out your fears and maybe help you to establish a beachhead where you can feel safe and build from there. Otherwise, it's a vicious cycle of fear generating more fear (fear of fear).

 

You are also early out and things can be tough until you stabilize.

 

It must be awful being (and feeling) so alone. For the moment, you are all that you have, so be good to yourself. Try and improve your self-talk, starting with "you are not crazy or objectionable". If friends and family abandoned you, then to hell with them. Or, maybe some relationships can be salvaged or are not as damaged as you think they are. Whatever the case, start with yourself. Get help. Gain a foothold of confidence. There is a lot to live for and don't waste another minute.

 

You tapered off this shit for a reason - use that to rally and get yourself back in the game. We are all pulling for you!

 

[[To...]]

Hi Guys:I am glad that everything is moving froward healing with you. Unfortunately I had to reinstate to 0.25mg. I had a very nasty panic attack with suicidal ideation..my life was in danger and I decided to go back and stabilize at a low dose (0.25mg). I am thinking to start again this year (in a couple of months) making liquid daily microtapering no matter how long it takes. My pdoc wants me to take sertraline to cope with the anxiety, which was the main reason I could not handle the withdrawals. I have to give sertraline 4 weeks to take its effect. Meanwhile I continue with 0.25mg clonazepam daily. I think in march I am going to restart my tapering from that amount.

I will be back ,  to check this thread if you do not mind.

Be well guys!! keep the good work!!

fer, sorry that you had to reinstate. Hope you are feeling better.

 

I had a good experience with liquid micro tapering and I hope it works as well for you. You can definitely take a more gradual and controlled approach.

 

I also hope the zoloft works for you. I was on it for 18 years, at 200mg per day.

 

Keep us posted on how you are doing. All the best!

[[fe...]]

Hi Guys:I am glad that everything is moving froward healing with you. Unfortunately I had to reinstate to 0.25mg. I had a very nasty panic attack with suicidal ideation..my life was in danger and I decided to go back and stabilize at a low dose (0.25mg). I am thinking to start again this year (in a couple of months) making liquid daily microtapering no matter how long it takes. My pdoc wants me to take sertraline to cope with the anxiety, which was the main reason I could not handle the withdrawals. I have to give sertraline 4 weeks to take its effect. Meanwhile I continue with 0.25mg clonazepam daily. I think in march I am going to restart my tapering from that amount.

I will be back ,  to check this thread if you do not mind.

Be well guys!! keep the good work!!

 

fer, sorry that you had to reinstate. Hope you are feeling better.

 

I had a good experience with liquid micro tapering and I hope it works as well for you. You can definitely take a more gradual and controlled approach.

 

I also hope the zoloft works for you. I was on it for 18 years, at 200mg per day.

 

Keep us posted on how you are doing. All the best!

 

Thanks a lot:!!

 

I am optimistic about the new approach. In 2006 I was able to wean myself from clonazepam using Cymbalta to minimize anxiety after quitting. Hope zoloft will work well too.

Hope the best for you!!

 

[[ne...]]

 

gardenlady: sounds like you are in a tough spot that I hope you can climb out of. Are you seeing a therapist? When you say you are terrified to live and to die, you are really boxed in. Talking with someone (a therapist) may help you sort out your fears and maybe help you to establish a beachhead where you can feel safe and build from there. Otherwise, it's a vicious cycle of fear generating more fear (fear of fear).

 

You are also early out and things can be tough until you stabilize.

 

It must be awful being (and feeling) so alone. For the moment, you are all that you have, so be good to yourself. Try and improve your self-talk, starting with "you are not crazy or objectionable". If friends and family abandoned you, then to hell with them. Or, maybe some relationships can be salvaged or are not as damaged as you think they are. Whatever the case, start with yourself. Get help. Gain a foothold of confidence. There is a lot to live for and don't waste another minute.

 

You tapered off this shit for a reason - use that to rally and get yourself back in the game. We are all pulling for you!

 

Beautiful post!!! 

[[ga...]]

I am in complete terror of death and hell 24/7.  Does anyone else have this?  It's my worst symptom....my sxs are all mental with no physical ones except insomnia (is that physical or mental?). I have shallow rapid breathing and am in severe anxiety and depression all the time with no letup.  I'm only 10 days post-jump, so am wondering what to expect.  I'm terrified to live and to die.

 

I am completely alone and isolated.  I'm too fearful to be around people and my family and friends abandoned me long ago due to my bizarre and negative behavior.  How can one survive with no personal contact?  I desperately need in-person human contact....electronic  friendships and communication are not sufficient.  But, I'm too crazy-acting and objectionable for anyone to be around.  I am my own worst enemy.

gardenlady: sounds like you are in a tough spot that I hope you can climb out of. Are you seeing a therapist? When you say you are terrified to live and to die, you are really boxed in. Talking with someone (a therapist) may help you sort out your fears and maybe help you to establish a beachhead where you can feel safe and build from there. Otherwise, it's a vicious cycle of fear generating more fear (fear of fear).

 

You are also early out and things can be tough until you stabilize.

 

It must be awful being (and feeling) so alone. For the moment, you are all that you have, so be good to yourself. Try and improve your self-talk, starting with "you are not crazy or objectionable". If friends and family abandoned you, then to hell with them. Or, maybe some relationships can be salvaged or are not as damaged as you think they are. Whatever the case, start with yourself. Get help. Gain a foothold of confidence. There is a lot to live for and don't waste another minute.

 

You tapered off this shit for a reason - use that to rally and get yourself back in the game. We are all pulling for you!

Thanks, TMB.  Yes, I'm seeing a therapist once a week, but he's stumped on how to help.  I'm to the point where I don't even get out of bed due to the black depression.  Your solutions are correct and sound simple.  Trouble is I don't know how to get any more help than I'm already getting.  Or where to get that foothold of confidence.  It's like I've given up.  When I try positive self-talk, I know it's a lie because I am so negative deep down, so I don't believe the positive stuff as it's just that....talk...and nothing else.  How do I help myself when I'm such a lost cause?

[[To...]]

I am in complete terror of death and hell 24/7.  Does anyone else have this?  It's my worst symptom....my sxs are all mental with no physical ones except insomnia (is that physical or mental?). I have shallow rapid breathing and am in severe anxiety and depression all the time with no letup.  I'm only 10 days post-jump, so am wondering what to expect.  I'm terrified to live and to die.

 

I am completely alone and isolated.  I'm too fearful to be around people and my family and friends abandoned me long ago due to my bizarre and negative behavior.  How can one survive with no personal contact?  I desperately need in-person human contact....electronic  friendships and communication are not sufficient.  But, I'm too crazy-acting and objectionable for anyone to be around.  I am my own worst enemy.

gardenlady: sounds like you are in a tough spot that I hope you can climb out of. Are you seeing a therapist? When you say you are terrified to live and to die, you are really boxed in. Talking with someone (a therapist) may help you sort out your fears and maybe help you to establish a beachhead where you can feel safe and build from there. Otherwise, it's a vicious cycle of fear generating more fear (fear of fear).

 

You are also early out and things can be tough until you stabilize.

 

It must be awful being (and feeling) so alone. For the moment, you are all that you have, so be good to yourself. Try and improve your self-talk, starting with "you are not crazy or objectionable". If friends and family abandoned you, then to hell with them. Or, maybe some relationships can be salvaged or are not as damaged as you think they are. Whatever the case, start with yourself. Get help. Gain a foothold of confidence. There is a lot to live for and don't waste another minute.

 

You tapered off this shit for a reason - use that to rally and get yourself back in the game. We are all pulling for you!

Thanks, TMB.  Yes, I'm seeing a therapist once a week, but he's stumped on how to help.  I'm to the point where I don't even get out of bed due to the black depression.  Your solutions are correct and sound simple.  Trouble is I don't know how to get any more help than I'm already getting.  Or where to get that foothold of confidence.  It's like I've given up.  When I try positive self-talk, I know it's a lie because I am so negative deep down, so I don't believe the positive stuff as it's just that....talk...and nothing else.  How do I help myself when I'm such a lost cause?

gardenlady: it seems to me (my opinion) that no change (for the better) is going to happen until you at least leave open the possibility (in your own belief system) that you are *NOT* a lost cause. Maybe, positive self-talk starts out as only being non-negative self-talk. You need to cut yourself some slack and leave open the possibility that you are salvageable. I am guessing that even you would agree that you are intrinsically a good person. Start there. It is a fact, not just talk. Deal with facts. You are good. You can take one small step in the right direction. If you fail, take another step in another direction. Rinse and repeat.

 

You cannot outsource this to anyone or anything - it starts with you. I wish you the best.