Over 60 help and support.

[[Ba...]]

BB,

 

Thx for reply.  The only asst living in my area I know of is apt style living... rooms stacked on eachother.  And day schedule and such.  A schedule is a prob for me-- I don't know how can do it.  Have prob making any appt now.

 

Also do not know how I would scope out places in present condition.  Today lying in bed, flat out;(

 

Best friend is, I think, not interested.  Well, I know that and it hurts.  Easy for her to say call a list of agencies when more needed would be her to say, oh, why don't I come visit with you?  I rather knew she had moved on but this is painful.

 

So while I have some money, don't have family or friends who will help it seems; I'm forgotten here.  No, not looking foward to anything. 

 

Appreciate your reply.

 

I feel my life has dwindled away.  It was small before,  with teh sleep disorder.  Over time fewer people and commitments.  Then Dad died, then Mom,  a sister proved to be an adversary, my 'good' friend not interested.  Only 'real' friend is long distance efriend in australia! 

 

[[bo...]]

Barbara I really do feel for you ...

Obviously I am not familiar with your circumstances .. life can be tough...

i really hope you can find the help that you need . We are all here , getting along the best we can .

At least stay in touch here .. take care BB

[[ma...]]

Hi there.  I'm 66...

 

really need some input. I'm all alone and the one person who sometimes helped me make drs. appts and such won't be here much longer; he is neighbor. There is uber but have been so anxious/fearful going with someone I knew made the difference. Also knowing I could phone and chat-- even though he is not always most pleasant person to talk to, made me feel more 'connected.'.My 'best' friend, who is an hour and a half away, thinks I should move to assisted living, although with my sleep schedule/noise prob (PRIOR to benzos), I can't imagine this. My house too small for a roommate, i700 square feet one tiny bathroom. Any ideas? Thx.  Oh-- and my 'best' friend has not visited me once in 2 1/2 years....

 

 

Hi Barbara,

 

 

I am 67 years old and just put a deposit down on a Continuing Care facility. You might think this is young to go in but I only have my husband and he is sickly and 10 years older. I am prepared (No question in my mind) Assisted Living is the right thing to do and if I have to will move in whenever I lose my husband.

 

Gotta tell you I feel so much less stress now that I decided to move to assisted living when I am left alone. I have some family back in New Jersey, but they have more problems than me so  I will be totally on my own because I intend to stay here in Florida.

 

If you are like me Assisted Living with continuing care program is deff the way to go. They will do everything for you and take you to your doctors appointments. If you find one with continuing care they will take care of you whatever your illness is . You will be moved to their Continueing Care center which is like a lovely intense care facility. It will be on the property some where. It will be much nicer for you to simply transition from same place to same place only with ultimate care. I know people whoo have done this, love it, and enjoy the peace of mins it brings to know someone is aleays there to check on you. You can be as social or private as you want . They have card games, restaurant, bus excurssions for shopping, a movie theater and auditorium for guest speakers---Well the one I am going into has this. Most do.

 

I have no one to take care of me after my husband dies and it is such a relief to know I will be always checked on if something should happen to me while ther. I

have a fear of falling or having a stroke and laying there with no help . They check you daily.

 

Most places with continuing care will need you to be in good health (confirmed by health records ) in order to enter. I think just assisted living is less strict.

Please at least check some of them out . Make an appointment and let them show you their faculities.

 

I am an introvert and will most likely keep to myself , but it is nice to know you can partake in the activities if you so desire.

Best to do it now before you become incapacitated. Nothing worse than that and having to get to doctors, clean , prepare food , shower , dressand do all the other things living in your own homebrings.

 

It is a luxury to have assisted living especially with continuing care-----we deserve thae best for our remaining years.

Please consider this.

 

Good Luck,

May

 

 

[[ma...]]

Hi there.  I'm 66...

 

really need some input. I'm all alone and the one person who sometimes helped me make drs. appts and such won't be here much longer; he is neighbor. There is uber but have been so anxious/fearful going with someone I knew made the difference. Also knowing I could phone and chat-- even though he is not always most pleasant person to talk to, made me feel more 'connected.'.My 'best' friend, who is an hour and a half away, thinks I should move to assisted living, although with my sleep schedule/noise prob (PRIOR to benzos), I can't imagine this. My house too small for a roommate, i700 square feet one tiny bathroom. Any ideas? Thx.  Oh-- and my 'best' friend has not visited me once in 2 1/2 years....

 

Hi again Barbara,

Sorry not to have read your entire post. So you are bedridden? You can go on line and look up Assisted Living and Continuing Care facilities

You may only have one in your area but these sites will tell you where you can find others near you.

You don't have to stay only in your area. Assisted Living is a Community in itself, so it is just like moving to a new house, only your neighbors will be in the same building and you can visit with them at lunch, dinner, card games , etc. So this will be your new home.

 

Please do not feel alone because your contemporaries and family are not interested in you. This is life---that is why there are Assisted Living Facilities. Everyone there was alone but now they have found a group home and no longer feel alone.

Most people only think of themselves. That is why I love animals. People can be selfish and self centered even family it is human nature.

 

….but then don't get me started.

 

Anyway try looking up Assisted Living Facilities on the internet. See what you come up with, they will even have photos of the place so you know what you are getting into

 

EH! Also if a "best" friend of mine has not visited me in 2 years---where does she live and at least does she stay in touch by phone. If not I would not use the "Best " when describing her.

We all learn the hard way. Out of Sight out of mind. People just get involved in their own lives and their day to day present activities.

 

 

I sincerely hop you find some answers. I know how you feel ---getting old is a bitch!

 

Sincerely ,

May

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi Barbara,

 

 

I am 67 years old and just put a deposit down on a Continuing Care facility. You might think this is young to go in but I only have my husband and he is sickly and 10 years older. I am prepared (No question in my mind) Assisted Living is the right thing to do and if I have to will move in whenever I lose my husband.

 

Gotta tell you I feel so much less stress now that I decided to move to assisted living when I am left alone. I have some family back in New Jersey, but they have more problems than me so  I will be totally on my own because I intend to stay here in Florida.

 

If you are like me Assisted Living with continuing care program is deff the way to go. They will do everything for you and take you to your doctors appointments. If you find one with continuing care they will take care of you whatever your illness is . You will be moved to their Continueing Care center which is like a lovely intense care facility. It will be on the property some where. It will be much nicer for you to simply transition from same place to same place only with ultimate care. I know people whoo have done this, love it, and enjoy the peace of mins it brings to know someone is aleays there to check on you. You can be as social or private as you want . They have card games, restaurant, bus excurssions for shopping, a movie theater and auditorium for guest speakers---Well the one I am going into has this. Most do.

 

I have no one to take care of me after my husband dies and it is such a relief to know I will be always checked on if something should happen to me while ther. I

have a fear of falling or having a stroke and laying there with no help . They check you daily.

 

Most places with continuing care will need you to be in good health (confirmed by health records ) in order to enter. I think just assisted living is less strict.

Please at least check some of them out . Make an appointment and let them show you their faculities.

 

I am an introvert and will most likely keep to myself , but it is nice to know you can partake in the activities if you so desire.

Best to do it now before you become incapacitated. Nothing worse than that and having to get to doctors, clean , prepare food , shower , dressand do all the other things living in your own homebrings.

 

It is a luxury to have assisted living especially with continuing care-----we deserve thae best for our remaining years.

Please consider this.

 

Good Luck,

May

[[Ju...]]

Barbara --

 

We are all here for you.  I plan to move to assisted living eventually, maybe moving several states away for it, where I do have some distant relatives.

 

Assisted living makes sense.  My father-in-law lived in such a place, never took part in any activities, but had three meals a day.  They don't pressure you to participate.

 

And they have transportation.

 

Post often, read often, know that you will get better from benzo withdrawal over time.  You are relatively young, have some good years ahead.

 

 

[[Ba...]]

BB, thank you for your reply.  I can see you read  my post and thought about it.

 

I will consider what you say but it occurs to me I don't have long term care insurance... somethign probably should have looked into?  All I do know is my Mom was in a place, apartment like (stacked on top of eachother) and the lowest priced units were like $6000/month, and have since gone up.  So, how long could you stay in a place like that?  hmmm

 

Ok, thank you.

 

Oh, I DO have savings... it is just that that eats it up pretty fast.  And, yes, think you have to be approved for it and by the place you go to while you're in fairly good shape.

 

You know I DO need a dr. to work with-- I'm not on the level with mine as all the fears of being cut off.  I am on low doses now but fill the rx so she thinks I am ok.  I hardly know her...  but am going to have to level with someone dr. I guess; sure asst living places check with your drs...  not sure how you do this.  If I do it.

 

thx

[[Ba...]]

May,

 

If had to pick, continuing care would be the way to go.  That means you move once and that is it, right?  I don't think any place near me has that, tho.  I think there is asst living and then nursing homes.  I do think once you get out of the city there may be that as my "friend's" aunt was at a place where first she had her own little house... later on needed more assistance, but it was out in the same place.

 

Yeah, this friend being so not there for me has been upsetting and a wakeup call.

 

I am not bedridden.  About all I do is go to grocery stores and to little yoga place a few blocks away.  And that neighbor has been nice about helping me to appts if I can't make them (drs.)  That has been my life for the last year and a half since taking mirtazapine and getting so ill.

 

I wonder if this is a benzo issue now or something else.  I just don't know. Wonder if I should be going up on them rather than down if doing this poorly.  Lack of sleep/anx/depression my main issues.  And vibratey feeling a lot of the time.  I guess had I gone quite a bit up on clon when the mirtazapine fiasco hit me I might know what is what.  Instead, moved over to valium and continued to go lower.  May not have been smart move. 

 

OK, thank you for input.

[[Ba...]]

Juliana,

 

My Mom was not pressured to participate BUT there were times for people to give you showers, times for meals, times for vacuuming and they were all daytime hours.  I don't do well with any of that as my hours are reversed.  I don't think I could stand all the interruptions when trying to sleep, if that makes sense.

I remember thinking I could never live there in institutional type place.

 

SIGH.

 

 

 

[[ma...]]

May,

 

If had to pick, continuing care would be the way to go.  That means you move once and that is it, right?  I don't think any place near me has that, tho.  I think there is asst living and then nursing homes.  I do think once you get out of the city there may be that as my "friend's" aunt was at a place where first she had her own little house... later on needed more assistance, but it was out in the same place.

 

Yeah, this friend being so not there for me has been upsetting and a wakeup call.

 

I am not bedridden.  About all I do is go to grocery stores and to little yoga place a few blocks away.  And that neighbor has been nice about helping me to appts if I can't make them (drs.)  That has been my life for the last year and a half since taking mirtazapine and getting so ill.

 

I wonder if this is a benzo issue now or something else.  I just don't know. Wonder if I should be going up on them rather than down if doing this poorly.  Lack of sleep/anx/depression my main issues.  And vibratey feeling a lot of the time.  I guess had I gone quite a bit up on clon when the mirtazapine fiasco hit me I might know what is what.  Instead, moved over to valium and continued to go lower.  May not have been smart move. 

 

OK, thank you for input.

 

 

Barbara,

 

I am like you I drive a  for food shopping, doctors, hair dresser...all close to home. Got in that habit when going through withdrawal. Still do not feel that confident since I had a few accidents while on Klonopin.

 

Sorry I thought you were mostly in bed....this  is even more reason to get out and take a look at some facilities. As I said there may not be any in your city, but look up Continuing Care on Computer. If you are serious you need to do a little research. Please think about it. I think from your post you would be a good candidate for that.

 

 

I saw you mentioned someone you knew has to pay $6,000 in monthly fees?  I live in a pretty expensive area and there is a buy in fee for your continuing care--like extended care insurance and then it is about $5, 000 monthly--but that covers everything you need . This place will also allow you to continue staying if you run out of money (provided you did not lose it at a Casino,LOL). If there is no buy in fee than 6,000 a month is not bad  but I am sure that is for a very high end facility. There are plenty more that would not be nearly as expensive and still very nice.

 

What I am trying to say is there is the perfect place out there for you, but you need to get on a computer (at home or Library) to see what options are out there.  I hope you will do this , since I seem to be in the same boat as you and NOW feel very secure in my futre for whatever happens.

 

 

Good Luck and best wishes,

 

May

[[Ma...]]

I posted this on the main Withdrawal Support forum yesterday but realised it might be more pertinent to this board as most folks on here may have faced this problem themselves! So apologies if you’ve already read it.

 

It’s my 60th on September 5th this year and I’m stressing out about celebrating it in recovery as I’m still in pretty dire straits in month 9 and I just wondered what others had done in the same situation?

 

My 59th birthday was just horrendous because I was in the full force of withdrawal at that point and had no clue what on earth was happening to me so whatever happens it’s got to be better than that but I’d really like to be properly well to celebrate my 60th!  I thought about just going out for a meal or something this year and planning for something next year as a belated celebration - wasn’t sure if that was a better option?  I’ve always wanted to visit Italy so I thought that might be an idea to do next year then it would give me something to look forward to throughout the year?

 

Thought I would brainstorm the forum to see how others have coped with this and if anyone had found ways of celebrating in a low-key non-stressful way which worked or if folk had found it was better to postpone the whole thing by a year

 

Any advice/personal experiences welcome!

[[Ju...]]

I go out to dinner to celebrate, a fine dining (read expensive), but hey, it is a celebration.  I go where I have gone before, and the stress is minimal.

[[Ba...]]

My Mom was in a place that was not continuing care and still expensive and she had long term care insurance.

 

So, not unerstanding this all.

 

But super depressed today, no sleep, and don't know what to do.  I wonder if valium is a culprit and possibly should I be on another benzo.

 

Wonder if restoril might be better?  I have some never tried.

 

Just very sick and not working with dr. as tapered myself.

 

thx

[[bo...]]

@[ma...]

A group of  15 or so of us went out to dinner .. it was my favourite restaurant . One I have been to many times before. I found the 'familiarity ' was important . It was Thai an we had the banquet menu .. no stress at all then about menu .. I'm 14 months out  but am still bothered with claustiphobia and associated symptons ..

it went really well and .I enjoyed it ...! When they toasted me .I did a little toast to myself .. that no one else knew about . That was a toast to the last three years of hell on earth , and how thrilled and proud .I am of myself to be on the other side of it.. well more or less !!

Marg .. it doesn't matter what you do as long as you celebrate ... for me travelling would make it more stressful ... the dinner was wonderful .. let us know what you plan to do ..xxx

 

[[Ma...]]

@marguk ... just did that that last week ! (For me it was my 65th ...)

A group of  15 or so of us went out to dinner .. it was my favourite restaurant . One I have been to many times before. I found the 'familiarity ' was important . It was Thai an we had the banquet menu .. no stress at all then about menu .. I'm 14 months out  but am still bothered with claustiphobia and associated symptons ..

it went really well and .I enjoyed it ...! When they toasted me .I did a little toast to myself .. that no one else knew about . That was a toast to the last three years of hell on earth , and how thrilled and proud .I am of myself to be on the other side of it.. well more or less !!

Marg .. it doesn't matter what you do as long as you celebrate ... for me travelling would make it more stressful ... the dinner was wonderful .. let us know what you plan to do ..xxx

 

Happy belated birthday bozo!  Good point about the familiarity - I think I’ll do that as well - have a family meal somewhere we’ve been before and that’ll do for this year then I can plan something a bit more ‘celebratory’ for next year!  I like the idea of your toast though - what a pity it has to be silent although I totally understand why - only we who have been through this hell can appreciate how much it’s taken to be coming out the other side for sure

 

Will definitely keep you posted and let you know what I ended up doing!

[[Ma...]]

I go out to dinner to celebrate, a fine dining (read expensive), but hey, it is a celebration.  I go where I have gone before, and the stress is minimal.

 

Good point about being around the familiar Julianna - will take note of that.  Thanks for your input!

[[Ba...]]

Marg,

 

Happy Birthday.

[[Ma...]]

Marg,

 

Happy Birthday.

 

:balloon: :balloon:

[[Ba...]]

 

 

You know i was thinking about what you said about having to be on something, likely... and recalled that I was age 32, taking dalmane for sleep, when it would not work.  I was in stressful job, too.  I took a dalmane, then another... nothing.  Hysterical, phoned parents and was taken to ER...  where they did not admit as I was rational.

 

Thereafter, saw therapist and he said get me on normal hours, but I was in CT withdrawal (nobody knew) and felt like a raw nerve ending.  Soon as would drift to sleep for a minute I was awakened told to get up.

 

Another therapist put me on xanax, I believe, and I was so much better and went home to my apt....  never were drugs thought to be a problem (32 years ago).

 

Later on, think 1997, someone on internet told me benzos bad.  I tapered myself off whatever I was on over ll months or something.  But was not much functional after all that time and went back on.  I knew nothing aobut kindling or anything then, nor my drs.

 

Funny how I had forgotten all this, or what... or remembered then forgot again.  But could account for my probs tapering?  Again, this last time was doing fine til the mirtazapine and so very ill.  But that 'raw nerve ending feeling' is kind of what I feel when I vibrate.  Think this may have been long long long term benzo problem.

 

So what do I do for the rest of my life... being old now?  ack.

[[Su...]]

Hi Barbara,

So many similarities in our stories.  I have gone on and off benzos multiple times in my life always for sleep.  In reality I don't think I EVER had an issue coming off, or going down on the meds -- but my body didn't ever go into the interdose w/d uproar.  That's what caused the biggest issues -- that continue-- for me.  I think my CNS tolerated it all quite well until it didn't and now it still isn't bucket a baseline.... I dose many times a day even though I am using Valium.  I'm convinced that the CNS uproar was a product of Ambien, taken intermittently for a few months..... wish I had never found that med!  So frustrating that we are all so different, so there is no clear path to what will help us get off these things easily while having some kind of life.

 

I know that Mirt was horrible for you-- which is really too bad. I definitely rely on it for sleep - fear that I wouldn't sleep without it.  It is playing at of havoc with my appetite, but I think I simply need to adjust to that.... easier said than done -- I've often turned to food for comfort.

 

So I agree that you may need something to help with sleep, and that being on some meds is not the problem, benzos and their cousins are the problem. 

No suggestions here unfortunately, just some validation ....

Hope you have a good day!

SS

[[Ba...]]

Hey, SS.  Yeah my prob i s no med other than benzoshave helped with sleep!!!  Can't take antihistamines as they dry me out andmy throat hurts.  (I likely have sjogren's).  ADS have terribl record with, the only one i could take caused pain that took a year to go away.

I imagine that leaves a mood stabilizer or two to try.  Seroquel made me feel horrible....  we're out of drugs here!

 

I guess that is why I don't hate the dr who put me on them.... i was a tough customer.  He shouldn't have said I was on them for life, though....alas, they got me after all (assuming it is them, no longer remeron).

 

[[Ba...]]

The latest...

 

Well, saw dr. today who supposedly benzo-wise.  And he says we have to get me sleeping (my lifelong problem) and suggested adding Saphris (think is antipsychotic), still take 10 mg ambien, and continue tapering off valium if I can.

 

I looked back on my Saphris samples (luckily kept all these things in a box.. sampled meds from years ago... none of which could I stick with)... and wrote on one "really achy" and see that I broke it into quarters of a pill.  So, not expecting much but can revisit the sample (tho he gave me new rx but knowing me, not worth filling as I am such a terrible pill taker) and give a shot.  He did say 3 mg of valium is very low and it would be good to get off (as obviously I know).

 

I wish he was closer to me as getting there an ordeal even though not that far, but traffic miserable and I'm pretty agoraphobic now and nerves are shot, obvioiusly.  Sigh.   

 

So that is my update.  Hope some of you somewhere are cool... think the planet is becoming a cinder.

[[Su...]]

Well let's hope that the cocktail will work for sleep. 

(I know that's what turned me to benzos as well, not sleeping....)

Here's hoping that this doc has many tricks up his sleeve to help with sleep. -- you deserve it.

wishing the best for you always

SS

[[Ma...]]

Thanks Barbara and Mary - my birthday is not until next month though!

[[Ma...]]

Thanks Barbara and Mary - my birthday is not until next month though!

 

Sorry 

[[Su...]]

Thanks Barbara and Mary - my birthday is not until next month though!

 

Sorry 

How are you doing Mary?  I know you were needing to hold for a bit to ease some things....

thinking of you and hoping the benzo beast releases it's claws soon....

:smitten: