The December 2015-February 2016 Jump Club

[[pe...]]

Hello all:

 

bejeste, I think your new psychologist is giving excellent advice.  I would follow it.  Playing the guitar, singing--that's good because as one psychoanalyst argues: creativity is the doing of being.  Let us know what you decide about hanging out on this thread.  Like ang, I really limit my time on this site.

 

eric, yes, exercise can produce immediate and clear results.  It shakes up the brain chemistry.  I always feel more alert while exercising.

 

contikitiki, both?  So can I infer that you are a graduate student working towards an advanced degree (in what?)

 

gia Of course.  Those pictures.  I forgot about those pictures. 

 

and thanks, ang, for the kind thought.  Yes, I am probably getting better though last night was one of the worst ever, and wouldn't you know it I have an infection in the cuticle of my right index finger, and I am worried it will spread to my whole body and it hurts (a little) when I type.  Health anxiety!  Oh, and I asked the question about facebook and bb.

 

And may all be as well as well can be.

[[bj...]]

Thank you, ang and pensioner, for supporting thoughts.

Today I have done exactly what my new therapist said yesterday. Just let the day flow slowly. I have not had the same mental pain as I had before I met her. But an extreme restlessness  has ridden me parts of the day. Now it's evening, the TV is on, and I am calmer. That's good. Tomorrow I shall do the same, try to relax and not think stressing thoughts, and hope that the restlessness will decrease. I'll tell you if there is any progress. I know that this probably will take months, but every little step in the right direction is good.

And it is difficult to stay away from this group. I like reading positive posts and good wishes, and writing to you all. We'll see....

So long!

[[...]]

Thank you, ang and pensioner, for supporting thoughts.

Today I have done exactly what my new therapist said yesterday. Just let the day flow slowly. I have not had the same mental pain as I had before I met her. But an extreme restlessness  has ridden me parts of the day. Now it's evening, the TV is on, and I am calmer. That's good. Tomorrow I shall do the same, try to relax and not think stressing thoughts, and hope that the restlessness will decrease. I'll tell you if there is any progress. I know that this probably will take months, but every little step in the right direction is good.

And it is difficult to stay away from this group. I like reading positive posts and good wishes, and writing to you all. We'll see....

So long!

 

Hi Bjesti,

After reading your signature where you wrote, "After having become a little better during the autumn, I have, until now had a terrifying period." What do you mean? So you were better for a few months and then got bad in recovery again after that? Thanks! It's just so bizarre how that happens! If that is what happened. 

[[bj...]]

Hey, Gia!

Tomorrow I shall rewrite my signature. It is not quite correct anymore, I wrote it in January, I think.

But: I became better during the autumn, and when I stopped using Sobril in November, I started over again with benzo withdr. syndrome. It's a shame that they gave me Sobril after stopping Stesolid in March one year ago. I didn't know what happened to me in March, and the psychiatrist didn't know either. It was tolerance abstinence.

[[...]]

Hey, Gia!

Tomorrow I shall rewrite my signature. It is not quite correct anymore, I wrote it in January, I think.

 

Gotcha!

[[Er...]]

Happy weekend everyone!  Hope everyone does at least one thing that used to bring them joy 

[[co...]]

Happy weekend everyone!  Hope everyone does at least one thing that used to bring them joy 

Happy weekend Erics and all of you guys. I hope you all have an enjoyable weekend. 

[[kr...]]

hi everyone

hope everyone is improving.i have been offline lately, heres why..

I did something stupid tues night,,,,i was using a rubber band for exercise, it snapped off the door into my eyes!!! no time to even shut my eyes. I spoke to ophthalmologist on call and went to bed early and still had to go int to the eye dr. he sent me home w drops. then today still had giant floaters and white "clouds" from anything light that my eyes scanned by like a window. So went in again and did a scan and got dilated. No tears so im ok and have to follow up in a month. 7 hrs later eyes are finally UNdulating 

So now i can enjoy my weekend!  starting mo 5!

 

 

[[Er...]]

kris  That's terrible!! I'm glad everything doesn't seem that bad in the end.  Happy 5th month!

[[kr...]]

Have any of you been experiencing emotions that may have been buried from benzos?? things that happened with other people before and during keep pushin hard at me and just dont know how to resolve them!! Ive been journaling.

alot of this is about an ex i was with a few yrs before i started klon. and theres some other people too. maybe its cause his cousin is coming up north to see family this weekend and she wants to get together on her way up. she and i got to be friends but just barely keep in touch on facebook.

Its the kinda sick angry in your gut feeling. Its even pulling in my health/dying fears  imagining details even and it makes me feel  doomed..Uhg!! pls tell me this is just the magnified feelings we get recovering

[[il...]]

Have any of you been experiencing emotions that may have been buried from benzos?? things that happened with other people before and during keep pushin hard at me and just dont know how to resolve them!! Ive been journaling.

alot of this is about an ex i was with a few yrs before i started klon. and theres some other people too. maybe its cause his cousin is coming up north to see family this weekend and she wants to get together on her way up. she and i got to be friends but just barely keep in touch on facebook.

Its the kinda sick angry in your gut feeling. Its even pulling in my health/dying fears  imagining details even and it makes me feel  doomed..Uhg!! pls tell me this is just the magnified feelings we get recovering

 

Wow, Kris - I was just swinging by to congratulate Eric on the 309 comments on this thread but your comment spoke to me. Yes, all the time. I think it's our brain's way of just dealing with things that were numbed by the medication? That's what I've read anyway. In fact at this point my most disturbing (and the only ones left aside from a few pesky ones) are anxiety (and insomnia) and the intrusive, looping ruminations. I'm stuck in the past big time. I think it's my sub conscience, too, though. I think I'm scared to go "back out there" and I'm trying to remember how successful I was even before benzodiazepines. The looping thoughts are focused around my career. Other stuff, personal issues are just slowly being worked out since I was tranquilized for almost 4 years and I'm dealing okay with them. 

 

Anyway, like I said - congrats, Eric! I was skimming posts and naturally this one stuck out. And with over 300 comments! Way to go!

[[an...]]

Kris- first... OUCH!!! But I'm more curious how did the dilation go? I need to go to the eye doctor bad and me and EricSS have talked about this but I'm still too afraid to get dilated. How did that part go and I hope your eyes get better soon! Those stupid exercise bands, grrrr. I use them too!

 

I've been pretty motivated all week and distracting myself from Horrible and scary intrusive thoughts. I have a huge pile going for a garage sale and I've filled 1 1/2 household dumpsters full of trash. It feels sooooo good to get rid of old stuff and bad memories! I'm cleansing over here. Phew!

 

I've been having a rough time with sleep and I think it's catching up to me. I feel a little sniffly today and hoping and praying it will go away with a good night of sleep! Crossing my Fingers cause I refuse to go to the doctor right now unless I'm dying.

 

Yes have a good weekend everyone. Take a few minutes to look back and see how much we have healed since day 1!!!

[[bj...]]

Hey all,

and Gia,

I read my profile now. I don't need to change anything. I started a "new" benzo withdrawal in December. And I am still suffering, but I've had several windows the last couple of months. Today is one of them. My wife and I have helped our son and daughter in law painting two fences. It took five hours. The weather was fine, and I got a glimpse of life again. Wonderful!

After coming home, I've used thirty minutes on a paper, which is impossible to do when in waves. We had a meal during the painting session, and I was hungry, and it tasted well. Yesterday, when in a wave, I didn't eat until 23.00. pm. It is impossible for me to eat in waves, but I know it is very important to eat...

I'm very excited on how my day will be tomorrow, because I have not had two days coherent yet. I hope and hope and hope...

One day must be the first. I hope it is tomorrow!

Have a good weekend, everyone!

[Guest [da...]]

Anyone else feel that heat makes the withdrawal worse? This week was super hot even though I enjoyed the weather I got more anxiety. Today is much colder and Im feeling a bit better. 5 months benzo free today.

[[pe...]]

Hi all:

 

daniel, I don't  know about heat exactly but I have long felt the weather plays an enormous role in mood.  I think this influence is even stronger in withdrawal.  We tend to lose whatever buffers we have to external stimulus.

 

bjeste, I didn't know withdrawal had affected your appetite that much.  Thanks for the detail.  So far I still eat.  I try not to miss meals, but my appetite has not been good.  And most sadly I find less pleasure in eating.  One wants something to look forward to.  Right.  Glad you had at least a momentary window while painting those fences.

 

illnever, good to hear from you again.  It's been a while.  Were you off doing some business a while back or was that Eric.?

 

ang, I hope the garage sale is going well (or went well).  You know something like that is a big undertaking psychologically and socially.  Sorry about the intrusive thoughts which remind me of what

 

kris wrote: really interesting post about memories and emotions coming back.  That is happening to me all the time now.  I have 70 years to look back on and at times I feel overwhelmed by the flood of pinwheeling thoughts and feelings that seem to repeat endlessly.  Somewhere on this site somebody wrote that our memory starts making a come back.  But I know also that sort of "sick angry feeling in the gut."  I think it's product of feeling helpless.  We cannot change the past.  But I do think withdrawal exaggerates or amplifies these feelings.

 

According to my ticker I am five months and a couple of days out.  I feel about the same as when I started though things do shift around.  I have had a number of really rough nights lately.  I am hoping that levels out and this darn infection on my cuticle goes away soon.

 

Hope all are having a great Saturday.

 

 

[[an...]]

pensionier1 It looks like you didn't finish your sentence to me about Intrusive thoughts reminding you of...

I agree with you COMPLETELY about feeling like our buffer is gone. That is exactly how I tried to explain it to the doctors. I've also been thinking about that this week because I have some stubborn pain in my heel and my shoulder and this is going to make it hard when I go back to the gym. It feels like there's no buffer for a little bit of pain, like my body pays attention to that more than it should normally. Even when I walk the dog, I feel the vibration of me walking and my eyes pick this up too much too! It's like our nervous systems pay attention to every little thing! So frustrating sometimes.

 

Bjesti I am the same way with appetite. Completely gone for the last few days. I don't get stomach growling either. It's like my stomach takes a vacation during a wave. I make myself eat though even if it's just drinking a smoothie. I force myself to eat.

 

daniel welcome to our jump club! I haven't noticed the heat thing but I really enjoy sitting in the sum every single day for 20 minutes. I need the vitamin d.

 

I am still getting ready for the garage sale. Not ready for it yet. Maybe next weekend

[Guest [da...]]

I agree. The sun really helps me as well. But when it comes to my vision for example, it seems like my eyes gets very dry and the symptoms is vision-increased like visual snow, dizzy etc when its very hot outside. I've lost almost 20 kg of weight during my withdrawal, so I don't sweat as much in the heat anymore though which is amazing.

[[pe...]]

Hi all:

 

ang, I think I did complete my sentence too cleverly with the line below about Kris.  Those emotions he described feel to me a lot like intrusive thoughts.

 

And, yes, the buffer does seem to be gone...whatever it was that tended to put things in some perspective.  I don't know how else to put it but this withdrawal is one of the most PHYSICAL experiences I have ever had.  Unfortunately, the physical sensations and feelings are largely negative.  But I feel with these intense responses to noises and pain that I am living in a state of nature, back in the jungle, where sudden noises and pains signal DANGER. 

 

But there is that positive side too.  Like feeling the sun on one's skin in such a distinct way or the water as it slides by when you swim. 

 

I hope all are having a good Sunday.

[[kr...]]

Ang -  the dilation was no big deal however its seemed to take longer to go back to normal. one pupil even seemed slightly larger till both went down

 

about the emotions/rhuminating...i know i rhuminate anyway, im hoping that as well as phobias go down. Ive had a hard week and increased insomnia and pain today but hope i got over the hump which was about my ex's cousin visiting. Shes left now.

tomorrow i have dds visit for cleaning, ironically, i broke tooth last night. Ive read any major dental work should be done by a wholistic dds, anyone, not just those off benz

[[Er...]]

Sorry I haven't been on the last few days. I have yet ANOTHER cold. This is the 4th one this year. It's been a nasty cold season around here this year. I've had 2 routine blood tests and all blood counts are fine including white blood count.  However, with this cold has come pretty bad health anxiety since Friday which I was really hoping I was done with  This was my worst symptom for the longest time. Every little bump I feel now I'm scared of. I'm hoping it will dissipate as my cold starts to go away. I have to travel for work today so I'm hoping I'll be fine in the airplane. I've never had a problem with flying before but I am a bit anxious this time.

[[co...]]

Sorry I haven't been on the last few days. I have yet ANOTHER cold. This is the 4th one this year. It's been a nasty cold season around here this year. I've had 2 routine blood tests and all blood counts are fine including white blood count.  However, with this cold has come pretty bad health anxiety since Friday which I was really hoping I was done with  This was my worst symptom for the longest time. Every little bump I feel now I'm scared of. I'm hoping it will dissipate as my cold starts to go away. I have to travel for work today so I'm hoping I'll be fine in the airplane. I've never had a problem with flying before but I am a bit anxious this time.

Hi Erics. Sorry for your cold, I know that cold can be an ultimate alarm for us with health anxiety. I also got cold & flu every weather changes. I got my 2nd time 2 weeks ago. Maybe taking a dramamine can make you more relax and sleepy at flight, I always do that every time I need to travel with any vehicle. 

[[an...]]

EricSS let me know how the flight went. I have one from STL to Phoenix in July and I keep wanting to back out. I'm so scared to fly feeling like this and just hoping and praying I will be well enough by then to go.

[[Er...]]

Oops, I noticed that I said o was flying "today" yesterday but my flight is actually in about 6 hours from now today. I'll let you know how it goes Ang. 

 

contiki good idea on the Dramamine. Maybe I'll pop one or a night time cold/flu pill since i do have a cold and then will help me sleep on the 3 hour fight.

[[pe...]]

Eric, I hope the flight goes (went) well.  I just realized I have not been on a plane since I am benzo free.  So like Ang I am interested in how you do.  Best.

 

I have fortunately had only one cold so far this year.

 

This health anxiety stuff is the pits.

[[Er...]]

Well I made it through the plane ride without incident. Health anxiety is a little better than over the weekend but I still have a cold and am worried about picking something else up from the plane. Hope everyone had a good weekend!