Need supportive words...

[[8d...]]

Last night I went to bed a bit earlier (trying to scale my sleep time back to 1:30 slowly).

 

I went in at about 3:15. Woke up this morning after about 6 hours. Felt really tired, but I could not get any more sleep. When I got my day started, it was alright. Just felt a bit flat.

 

Took my son to the zoo today. He's 10 months old now. He seemed to life the giraffes!

 

Then I went to see my father, who is in a world of hell himself. His knees started giving out on him just over a year ago, and his doctor gave him percocet. It start with 1-2 pills a day. Since then, he has both knees replaced. The second knee was done 4 weeks ago. And we just found out that he is now taking 20 pills a day! A combination of percocet and morphine.

 

I went to see him today, and he sort of admitted it was a problem, and that he was addicted. He's an addictive and self-destructive person, so trying to get him off of these pills will be tough. I don't even know if he wants to.

 

Really hard to see your father falling apart like this, and knowing that no one is really taking it serious since it's drugs that are being prescribed by a doctor.

 

Oh well... We'll see what happens!

[[8d...]]

Could sleep much more than 5.5 hours last night. Woke up with the wired up feeling.

 

Wish I could get a bit more sleep. Oh well... Better than it was I guess.

 

Hope I can get back to the dozing after waking soon. This sucks

[[Si...]]

Could sleep much more than 5.5 hours last night. Woke up with the wired up feeling.

 

Wish I could get a bit more sleep. Oh well... Better than it was I guess.

 

Hope I can get back to the dozing after waking soon. This sucks

 

Just give it time to adjust. Even people that have never been on benzo / z-drug have disrupted sleep when the DST changes. That and you're trying to shift your sleep schedule. The only way to do that is to make yourself tired so you will fall asleep earlier. Trust me, I know how much the not being able to sleep in some sucks. I have some slight improvements. I've gone 24 days without missing a night, which is AMAZE-BALLS. Some nights weren't great, but much better than nothing. That's the longest stretch I've had in 8 months. Hopefully it sticks.

[[8d...]]

Another 5.5-6 hours last night. Shouldn't complaining as that is still decent sleep, but I was getting more and feeling better before.

 

I keep waking up really gassy, and needing to go pee badly. Not sure why that is happening. Haven't changed anything.

 

 

[[al...]]

I had about 3 hours of badly broken sleep last night following my first extended period of pretty good nights. I knew that this was very likely to happen, but it did not make it any easier to take. Was feeling pretty normal during the days from all of the good sleep so I am  not excited about having to muddle through the day today. BTW, we are lucky enough not to have daylight savings here in Hawaii.

[[8d...]]

I have about 6.5 hours last night... Maybe even closer to 7...

 

But I still had the jolted wake up after about 5 hours, as I pretty much have had every night since I hit tolerance in March of 2014.

 

I'm starting to wondering if that early wake up was caused by benzos, or if that is just part of my own brain/anxiety?

 

Any thoughts?

[[La...]]

I have about 6.5 hours last night... Maybe even closer to 7...

 

But I still had the jolted wake up after about 5 hours, as I pretty much have had every night since I hit tolerance in March of 2014.

 

I'm starting to wondering if that early wake up was caused by benzos, or if that is just part of my own brain/anxiety?

 

Any thoughts?

 

I never had the jolted early wake up pre-benzo, even though I was unknowingly living with anxiety. NEVER had it. Now I have it almost every single day. ALMOST, but not always. Last two days did not have it, what a joy it is waking up normally. I really think the early wake up , jolted, wide-eyed, missile launch wake ups are a gift from benzos. No rhyme or reason as to when and why it strikes, relative to my own stress/anxiety levels. But IT does seem to be waning, very slowly. as in "years" slowly.

 

Days that I jolt awake are not as "feel good" as days I awaken normally. When I wake up normally (normal time and feeling), I just feel great the rest of the day.

 

Riding this shit storm out is the only way through. On the positive side, I do get a lot more done in the mornings and have not needed an alarm clock in 2 years.

 

laser

[[8d...]]

I hope you're right about it, as I would hate to have these early spikes the rest of my days.

 

Last night, I ended up staying up until 5am doing work. What an idiot!

 

Ended up falling asleep right away, only to be up multiple times this morning, fading into little naps in between. Finally work up 2 hours later than I normally do.

 

I need to get back to my sleep hygiene.

[[8d...]]

Just checking in...

 

I'm getting close to 2 months where I have not written here about anxiety/depression related to sleep.

 

I still have nights where I don't get the best sleep, but I manage to get on with my day.

 

Also, I've been staying up later than I should most nights, and that usually leads me to sleep in later than I should.

 

But I getting a good 6 hours, and sometimes 7ish...

 

I'd love to get closer to 8, but don't see that for a while (if ever).

 

But, I think I can say, the worst of it, is behind me

[[al...]]

Damien,

That is good news to hear. Time really is the cure. I'm sure that you still have some more improvement coming your way.

[[8d...]]

Hoping so, for all of us!

 

How are you guys doing?

[[al...]]

Still have some bad nights, but I did have my first full night of normal sleep since this whole mess started last week. A normal night now is about an hour plus to fall asleep followed by many short awakenings all night long with lots of dreams. Still, I feel pretty good in the morning so all is fine. Lots of changes in my sleep patterns going on so I think that my brain is recalibrating itself.

[[8d...]]

I'm feeling the same way.

 

There are still issues. Still waking up before I want to. Still not feeling tired until 3-4am.

 

But I think it's getting better, and it's impacting my life a lot less now

[[Si...]]

I'm still very up and down too. Had a stretch of about 40 days where I got some sleep every night. Most nights I was falling right to sleep quickly too. Most of the time it was around 4-½ to 6 hours. Had the jolting awake thing too, which I never had before. Last night was bad and tonight is terrible. Barely slept at all. Maybe one hour light sleep around 12:30 and then again around 3am. Every time I think I'm making progress I get slammed again. I hate this shit. I haven't been on the boards in a while because it wasn't helping the massive depression from this. Glad y'all are doing better.

[[La...]]

A lot of striking similarities in our stories/experiences. Thats probably how/why we found our way to this thread. D.S.T provided an interesting test for me. Like most of you, I feel helpless to the sleep cycles/patterns that have fallen upon us. As if we are not in control of how long and how well we sleep. If true, then turning the clock forward 1 hr should have zero impact on our sleep schedule.....But it didn't. I actually adapted to the 1 hr change. This is critical, as it means we DO have (some) control of our sleep cycle.

 

Over the past year, I have had only 2, maybe 3, horrid zero/almost zero hour sleeps. At almost 2 years, post-jump, many nights I sleep 5-6hr, occasionally a little less, occasionally a little more. Last night I slept 7.5hrs  but 2 nights ago I woke up at 4:30 am and couldnt get back to bed. I still feel trapped like a prisoner in my own body, but maybe this fear is self-inflicted?

 

As I've said before, my whole life I would sleep until a wrecking ball hit me in the head. Nothing would wake me up. Now, I pop up anywhere from 4:30am to the LATEST 6:00 am.

 

WTF?

 

Calculating # of hours slept is not the best indicator of progress for me. The BEST indicator is how I feel when I wake up. THIS, determines how I will feel the rest of the day. Yesterday, I woke with a terrible headache and lo and behold, I experienced a period of severe derealization mid morning accompanied by severe visual sensitivity/hallucinations. Yes, this far out. But the visual disturbances passed, though the pounding headache lasted all day. It all ties in together, but after 7.5 hrs last night I feel great NOW and will leave you on that positive note.

 

Good luck guys, we are moving forward.

 

laser

[[Si...]]

Yeah, what sucks is I have a lot of zero or near zero nights. I couldn't only wish to get a steady 4+ every night. Like you, before I was a pretty good sleeper. Damn this fucking poison.

[[al...]]

For some reason this week has started off very bad in terms of sleep for me. I went to bed totally exhausted last night and got far less sleep than I had hoped for. Had to get up early this morning to fly out to another island to visit clients all day. I can't wait for this day to end so that I can go back to trying to sleep tonight.

[[Si...]]

For some reason this week has started off very bad in terms of sleep for me. I went to bed totally exhausted last night and got far less sleep than I had hoped for. Had to get up early this morning to fly out to another island to visit clients all day. I can't wait for this day to end so that I can go back to trying to sleep tonight.

 

Wow that sounds rough having to fly and meet clients! Hope your day goes smooth. I know you're hours earlier than I am. I'm on the Eastern Standard Time. Seriously hoping tonight I get back on track and that this is just a fluke. I made it nearly a month and a half having decent nights.

 

Same for me too. I was even getting sleepy on the sofa between 11 and 11:30. Got in bed and wide awake. That type of problem I thought had mostly gone a few months ago. Getting sleepy on the sofa and then going to bed lately has usually worked. What sucks even more is that I'm nearing 19 months off. I can't believe this shit has gone on this long.

[[La...]]

For some reason this week has started off very bad in terms of sleep for me. I went to bed totally exhausted last night and got far less sleep than I had hoped for. Had to get up early this morning to fly out to another island to visit clients all day. I can't wait for this day to end so that I can go back to trying to sleep tonight.

 

Wow that sounds rough having to fly and meet clients! Hope your day goes smooth. I know you're hours earlier than I am. I'm on the Eastern Standard Time. Seriously hoping tonight I get back on track and that this is just a fluke. I made it nearly a month and a half having decent nights.

 

Same for me too. I was even getting sleepy on the sofa between 11 and 11:30. Got in bed and wide awake. That type of problem I thought had mostly gone a few months ago. Getting sleepy on the sofa and then going to bed lately has usually worked. What sucks even more is that I'm nearing 19 months off. I can't believe this shit has gone on this long.

 

I'm 23 months off, so you are not alone with this timeline.

[[8d...]]

I haven't missed a night of sleep in over a year. I've had a few 2-3 hours nights, but no zeros thankfully.

 

I'e been going to bed way too late lately though.

 

Really have to set a schedule and stick to it, as I'm not feeling all that great with the current one.

 

Last night, I went to sleep exhausted, and dropped off very quickly. Woke up this morning about 6 hours later, and felt so tired. My son is in the room beside me, and he likes to pound on the walls in the morning, so I think that is maybe what is waking me up. Not even sure, because I have those jolting awakenings often too.

 

Either way... As much as I feel really flat today, it's still not terrible. I'm not thinking suicidal like I once was.

 

And every day, I tell myself how fortunate I am to day off those bullshit drugs!

[[al...]]

Made it home from my work trip. All went okay thanks to being able to run on autopilot. I was extremely tired in the morning and felt a little fear about being alone on another island with no one to drive me or help me navigate the standard airport mess. I spent a brief frustrating period with an elevator until I finally realized that I kept pushing the button for the floor that I was on and not the one that I wanted to go to. I somehow got the energy to make it through the day and do what I had to do. Hopefully a better night sleep awaits me tonight.

[[Si...]]

Glad you made it through. Yesterday was really rough for me. Thought for sure I'd easily go to sleep. Nodding off around 10:30 so we got in bed. Totally amped up and couldn't fall asleep. Got into a fight with my wife for waking her up. Finally sorted it out and maybe fell asleep around 12:30. Wide awake at 4:30am. I guess at least I got 4 hours, but u seriously thought I'd get more after not sleeping the night before. Going back to acupuncture tonight.

 

How was your sleep last night?

[[8d...]]

I know how that goes Siggy. Got into a tiff last night with my wife as well.

 

I think that I was just tired and irritable, and everything was setting me off.

 

Was hoping I would get more sleep, but was up after 5.5-6 last night.

 

Not ideal, but not awful. Just don't feel all that cheerful.

 

The past 2 months have been relatively good. Hope it continues to improve...

[[al...]]

We need to buy our wives good Christmas presents this year to help make up for all the times we ended up waking them up this year. They are going through our withdrawal with us, but it is not because of any mistake that they made.

[[al...]]

Glad you made it through. Yesterday was really rough for me. Thought for sure I'd easily go to sleep. Nodding off around 10:30 so we got in bed. Totally amped up and couldn't fall asleep. Got into a fight with my wife for waking her up. Finally sorted it out and maybe fell asleep around 12:30. Wide awake at 4:30am. I guess at least I got 4 hours, but u seriously thought I'd get more after not sleeping the night before. Going back to acupuncture tonight.

 

How was your sleep last night?

Siggy,

I posted a reply to you, but it did not take. There might end up being two of them. Anyway, my sleep last night was almost exactly the same as yours. For some reason I am now having problems falling back to sleep once I wake up. It used to only be a problem getting to sleep. Can't get bored of this insomnia because it keeps changing. I admit, that for some reason I feel pretty good this morning.