Mentoring - those who are well (or better) reassuring those who struggle.

[[Mo...]]

Well, Happy 2 year anniversary MoreChoc! Congratulations. So as far as the dizziness, I am not personally aware of anyone having been debilitated by dizziness at two years out. It will be interesting if anyone else weighs in on it. I'm sure you're factoring in other things like diet, blood pressure, other medications, hydration, inner ear issues...all those things that can cause dizziness.

 

AussieGal - I completely respect that. Sometimes it is reassuring to people to know how bad we were and how good we are by comparison. People say "if she can recover from THAT then I can recover from this" type  of thing. But yes, the point is, we do improve incrementally. 

 

 

Thanks Flip. . I don't go to doctors and I don't take meds, so that's where I'm at with that. Lol! I know of several people who have vertigo this far out, but don't know of any who have healed from it yet. It was completely gone for almost a year, then came back for a few weeks and then gone again for 10 days. To me, that says withdrawal, but who knows. Sigh

[[Mo...]]

MoreChoclate - you are at two years out? Is that right?

 

I am exactly 2 years out today. I just realized that.

 

 

Happy Birthday Morechocolate 

 

I have heard of many that started living their lives in the first year of feeling better like "a normal person", only to be knocked down by waves.

Take good care of yourself,  take it slow and be a little more gentle and self indulgent.  Remember we have a wound that you cant see and it still maybe be a little raw. 

 

Thank you aussiegirl! I appreciate your words of encouragement right now.

[[pr...]]

i went to the mall today for the first time in 33 months. i am getting better and can feel the healing now.

 

morechoco,

 

the dizziness/vertigo subsided for me at around 22 months out. but i still have some of the undulating/rocky boat that i mostly feel right upon awakening and sometimes when i am sitting watching TV. but everything is getting better. i am just still kinda scared about the head symptoms and hope that they will top subside.

[[Mo...]]

i went to the mall today for the first time in 33 months. i am getting better and can feel the healing now.

 

morechoco,

 

the dizziness/vertigo subsided for me at around 22 months out. but i still have some of the undulating/rocky boat that i mostly feel right upon awakening and sometimes when i am sitting watching TV. but everything is getting better. i am just still kinda scared about the head symptoms and hope that they will top subside.

 

I am very happy for you pretty. I know how much you have suffered because I have been following you for the last 2 and a half years.

 

Thank you for chiming in.

[[Fl...]]

i went to the mall today for the first time in 33 months. i am getting better and can feel the healing now.

 

This has been a LONG time coming. I'm very happy. 

[[ja...]]

Happy two year anniversary Morechocolate!!!! Pretty I couldn't be happier for you!!!!

 

Love Jackie :smitten:

[[pr...]]

thanks guys!

 

it's happening but it still is pretty slow.

 

[[St...]]

 

For my love and appreciation to all Flip did in supporting and helping me, I am

here to extend my words of support to you, as she has asked me to do. I remember

how important words from others that had healed were to me and I'm sure they are

to all as well.

 

Yes HEALING DOES HAPPEN!!!!  As I sit here right now I am the healthiest and

calmest I have been since Fall of 1995 when I started Xanax after I weaned my 2

yr old from breastfeeding. I was put on Xanax for the hormone imbalance PMS. 

I'm not going to go deep into how sick I became while on xanax for almost 16

years, nor will I go into the full Hell that I went through with my c/t and

recovery. One day I may elaborate more on those times, possibly but for now I am

here to say HEALING DOES HAPPEN. That's where I focus, that's the words you need

to have Faith with.

 

As Flip had mentioned in an earlier post she at times didn't know if I would

survive. Being a c/t was a dangerous way to come off a benzo. I was poorly

advised by the medical community in one sense but in another I had become so ill

with adverse reactions to it no matter what dose I took – it was affecting my

heart where I was admitted to the hospital 3 xs on the cardiac ward within 4

months – last stay was 3 nights and four days. I was being sent to Cleveland

Clinic for the cardiologists here didn't know what was the cause. Within a week

after c/t those cardiac symptoms were gone, benzos was the cause. So basically

that is why I c/t out of desperation to rid myself of the poison so I could

heal.  Which I have!!!!!

 

Its hard to write this being there is so much to say. It's hard to relive – I as

everyone, loss so much time from this journey, I don't stay on BB anymore not

from not having healed and not wanting anyone to know. I use to think people

became silent for it was a secret they hadn't really healed and just accepted

that fact and withdrew quietly in the background.  Now I believe that majority

of people are like me, they lived the Hell and regain their health and start

living fully again and BB becomes a distant memory. It was my life line for so long but

I no longer need the line.  I wake in the mornings and

benzos aren't on my mind. I wake feeling ready for my day and looking forward to

a full normal life. There isn't enough hours in my days now.

 

The physical and emotional sxs are gone. I am just about 100% sx free every day,

all day and all night long. If I do get overly tired I might get a little

vibrating going in my feet, or notice a bit of ringing in my ears that night but

I just turn on my sleep youtube music and that drowns it out. When I wake in the

morning or even a couple hrs later the ringing is gone. It is just the fine tuning my

CNS is needing to strengthen still.

 

I do want to stress that eating a clean hypoglycemic diet helped me

tremendously!!!! I eat whole foods, nothing processed.  I eat eggs and fish,

with avocado and possibly a few blueberries for breakfast each day. I eat snacks

of almonds, nuts, hard boiled eggs, cottage cheese – protein, between my meals.

Lunch and dinner always good clean high protein, low carb meals. Before bed I

have started eating cottage cheese and blueberries which helps my blood sugar

during the night remain stable, which has helped with my sleeping.  I can not

stress enough to eat the high protein, low carb, healthy fats and drinking lots

of water!!!!!  We have to fuel our bodies with nutrition, it doesn't take the wd

sxs away but I did find it diminished them, and later also started seeing

vibrations sometimes came when my sugar levels were down. Many of hypoglycemic

sxs are the same as wd sxs.  I learned when I got anxious which is part of life,

and the adrenaline flowed if I ate some nuts or a piece of cheese then my sugar

didn't drop drastic from the adrenaline effect.  I carry nuts in my purse and

car at all times, I would rather eat a few nuts than feel anxious from low blood

sugar.  As I get further and further out, which I am now 44 months, my blood

sugar is stabilizing and I'm not having to eat as strict. Earlier on around 2

yrs out when I changed my way of eating, I couldn't eat much fruit. It was just

too high in sugar for me, now I always add a few nuts with the fruit to just

make sure I stay balanced. I don't plan to ever not eat as I am now, it is just

healthier.

 

With food you have to get rid of the MSG additives. MSG effects the glutamate

neurotransmitter and the pancreas along with other issues. So not only does it

stimulate our already excited CNS but it causes the pancreas to over produce –

thus making hypoglycemia worse.  I had trouble with msg prior benzos but now

within a half hour of consuming it I am effected and if I didn't know better I

would say I'm in a wave. It is not a wave from benzos recovery but rather

circumstances have affected my fragile system and set off some symptoms. So if I

keep it out of my body then – no sxs. Google all the ways MSG is hidden by other

names in our foods, google the effects MSG has on the body. It shouldn't be

consumed by anyone, especially children whose brains are developing. More and

more products are being made without it but you have to really search and read labels.

 

Another thing that has helped me was I started doing EFT when Flip introduced me

to it around 19 months. I watch youtubes and had enough success from it that I

went at 21 months to a 3 day workshop with an EFT Practitioner.  I used it

sometimes 6 -8 xs a day if need. It is proven to lower cortisol levels, proven

through blood testing.  There is a book The Tapping Solution you can buy, and

you can google the movie – The Tapping Solution and watch it for free on line.

This was a big big coping skill tool for me.  I still use it to this day and

will continue to the rest of my life to just deal with stress or a headache or

normal anxiety in life. I now use it not daily but as I need it. It doesn't work

miracles in the sense that it takes the sxs away but when I was in strong waves

it lowered the intensity, it helped me deal with them happening.

 

Walking – ½ hr to 40 minutes I do – averaging 4 -5 xs a week. My counselor

had told me walking releases endorphins, so  I started walking – I do both

treadmill and outside depending on weather. I had started with 5 minutes a day

and worked my way up to 75 minutes, as well as increased my speed. I noticed

my sleep wasn't as good, my recovery from walking took longer,

in other words I could do the 75 minutes but

I was very tired. I started feeling like I needed to cry even though everything

was good, something wasn't right. Well from walking over 40 minutes I was

increasing my cortisol levels and it was affecting me definitely. The body

produces cortisol after the 40 minutes of strenuous exercise, day in day out

that was too much for me at this time. So I cut the walking back and all settled.

 

Ok I will say I did go on Lyrica – my mother passed suddenly when I was 4 months

out of my c/t. It was too great for me to handle – Lyrica saved my life, I don't

believe I would have made it without it. It settled me so I could heal. Would I

have gone on it if my mother hadn't passed, I believe not but we will never

know. But I am also able to say, even going on Lyrica I still healed!!! It is

better in my opinion to go on a medication rather than take ones life and that

is where I was headed. I will be honest, it is frightening that I was ever that

desperate and had such thoughts but I did. Mom's death pushed me to where I

wasn't even physically able to hold my head still, nor pull my pants down to use

the restroom, or brush my teeth – at 4 months out my body was to the extreme of

breaking, it was violently jerking, walking was a struggle. Up until mom's

passing I was definitely in c/t wd but after her passing I became dangerously

ill. I'm very thankful I had the option to take Lyrica and be here today and say

I'm healed from benzos and living a full life. At this time I am on 50 mg a day

down from 225 mg a day. I have used water titration to taper down very slowly at

my choosing. I plan to hold here until ?  I have no side effects from Lyrica, in

fact since I went on it I haven't had a migraine which I have had since my

teens, so I'm wondering if Lyrica is my migraine freedom. I don't know only time

of going off will tell and right now – I'm just living people. Right now I am

not going through anymore tapering and anymore body balancing – I lost almost 20

years to life from benzos and other non necessary medications. I'll address my

future with Lyrica in a year and see where I am on starting water titration

again or not. Oh but let me say this, Lyrica did stop the jerking but I still

had the nerve  burning, vibrations, fears, wd sxs – I still had wd but the

jerking stopped. That's what I attribute to Lyrica, it stopped the violent

jerking but the rest I still had to go thru in order to heal.

 

Whew I sure never meant to write this long post.  I hope you heard me loud and

clear HEALING DOES HAPPEN!!!!  I hope you will decide to really eat a good

hypoglycemic clean diet. The EFT works for me, but I was also so fortunate to

have a practitioner help me really get the concept so I could fine tune what I

needed. Exercise is a definite proven benefit in moderation. Lyrica for me – I

can't say to anyone to take or not take, each has to weigh those choices with a

good qualified doctor, but remember it didn't take away all my wd sxs.

 

I will leave this post, and I'm going to say up front I'm not going to be coming

back and start posting to comments, maybe once in a while but not now. I am

moving on, I'm living, I am finding out who this new woman is that lost almost

19 years of her life. My children are finally getting to know their real mom,

they grew up with a mom sick and recluse and in bed in pain – physical and

mental. That's all gone and we are embracing this new relationship. My loyal and

awesome husband deserves for this chapter to end and BB and benzos not stay in

our conversation. He deserves the woman that he married and he knew was still in

there somewhere to be present and his partner again. I'm honestly out socially,

rekindled friendships I hadn't seen in 15 yrs, making new friends, joining

groups, gardening, crafts, bible studies, camping, cooking, laughing, and

falling in love with life!!!!

 

Hold on, keep your Faith and you will heal also, but you do have to do things to

help the journey. Eat properly, avoid chemicals in food and environment,

exercise, meditate of some sort, relaxation, and for me Pray.

 

Thank you to BB and all that helped me thru, with special thanks to Flip who met

me on the TRAP and was with me from 4 months on, Colleen who was there from my

early BB days, Sunnygirl02 who hasn't healed but I know she will one day and Pattylu

who traveled with me from 2 yrs on - she's the lighthouse of my Storm Sisters, my special

women. I love all these women so much, I received much knowledge and wisdom and

support from each one.

 

Stillbelieving  Healing Does Happen – aka Joy is my new name – I honestly feel

JOY most days 

 

Happy Birthday Flip 

 

 

               

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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[[li...]]

Hello,

 

I just wanted to say thanks Flip so much for starting this thread. I love to read all these messages they are so very reassuring to those of us still going through this.

 

Last week I found this thread and the first story that I read was Margaritas. Margo you have held my hand all along on my journey. I have messaged you often and always you have reassured me. Your replies have often got me through another day with your reassuring and lovely messages, plus pictures!!!!. It was lovely to read your story and it really gave hope. 

 

Still believing it was wonderful to read your story. Pretty it was great to read of some improvement even though small it is just the start.

 

Thanks to everyone who has written positive messages and posts of improvement. It's great to see when people who have struggled are seeing positive changes. I read them all and thank you ALL for coming here and writing your stories. 

 

I will definitely be on here with a positive change as soon as it arrives and can't wait until my story is here as well!!

 

Thank you all so much,  and wishing you continued healing and happiness.

 

Love from Lib x 

[[No...]]

WORD FOR THE DAY

 

Saturday, May. 9

 

We are never more than one grateful thought away from peace of heart.

 

David Steindl-Rast

 

[[Fl...]]

Lib- I know you've had it especially rough and in time, you will also be posting your "I had almost given up, but then I healed" story. Your amazingly positive attitude keeps you. It humbles me.

 

Sally Sweets Joy- what can I add to that account? I'm deeply grateful that you were willing to revisit the agony of it with us in order for us to see how joyously you live today by contrast. Yours is a story that reinforces my idea that the more we suffer, the more we revel in being healed. My heart just soars to read you are becoming your real self. And it grieves to realize how many people will never be able to get off these drugs and how much of the sweetness and joy of life they and their children will miss. This part is just heartbreaking to me and it fills me with an urgency.

 

I'm working now with young women who are in a drug free prison diversion program. They've agreed with the judge that they will be drug free. Most of them were using meth. A few used benzos. When I tell them I am over two years off benzos, they are so proud of me and so happy for me. They understand what a big deal it is. The sad part is that most of their mothers are on a benzo and are essentially lost to them. I'm so happy that your children all grew up to be secure and well developed and I suspect your husband deserves gigantic kudos. Yes, he deserves 100% of you!

 

I feel very deep joy with you, Sally. Keep living fully. It's the best gift you can give. Thanks for the well wishes and for remembering.

Flip

 

Nice quote Nova. Yes. Gratitude. It's a miracle. 

[[ma...]]

Lib  Thank you for your kind words, what a journey you have had.  It was heart-breaking at times because I knew how much you were suffering and I know your struggling still. 

 

Like me, you were bedridden, couldn't stand stand up, unable to function. Just look at you now girl, You have come a long way,  try and stay positive, your almost home. 

 

The pain still lingers and Its very easy to lose hope and doubt full recovery. Believe me it  is going to change, sorry its taking so long.    Just keep going girl,  I can’t wait for you to write your success story.

 

   

 

 

 

Aussiegirl, Its great to see you here, thank you for the update. Its been hard for you as a single parent, you should be so  proud of yourself.  You were also a great support to others here, thank you for that.  It’s great to hear how well you are doing, keep us posted

 

 

 

Pretty  How wonderful to read of your trip to the mall.  You have suffered so much, and I know your still struggling. It is such a slow process, but your going to make it.

 

 

Sally   Its great to read your story, I know what an awful time you had. Thank you for the update.  I have thought of you often and wondered how you were doing. Its so good to know your life is good and you are keeping busy.

 

 

 

Morechocolate Happy 2 year Anniversary to you 

 

 

 

[[Mo...]]

Good morning. I notice whenever I take Valium...one more week until fully crossed over...it creates intense, burning pain throughout my body. I have to take Tylenol and aspirin with it. I hope this subsides.

I hope you all have a very good day.

Love,

Marian

[[Ro...]]

I definitely wish to help others along in their struggles. And I have done so a bit. Human nature I suppose, tips, tricks, warning signs, what to watch out for.

 

When I see warning signs on labels and such- I see someone concerned enough about others to want them to avoid the mistakes they did.

[[Fl...]]

Mozart, sounds like you'll need to make a decision about Valium. I know quite a few people who tapered Xanax directly.

 

Welcome RCC

[[Mo...]]

Flip I am coming off of Klonopin. Well into being almost all the way crossed over. Klonopin gives me a paradoxical reaction anymore. How do I stop the process now? It is scaring the heck out of me. It is happening from V. Anytime I dose, an hour or so later, lots of pain throughout. Very painful. It may be a rare occurance but I don't know what to do. Is there a doctor or nurse on BB who could help? Thanks.

[[Fl...]]

Mozart, I am not aware of a doctor or nurse on BB. Let's see if we understand the facts.

1. After you take your scheduled dose of Valium, you get pain that goes away (in how long?)

2. You are about to complete your crossover from K to V. (Can you just go ahead and make the switch so you are not dealing with two benzos).

3. K gives you a paradoxical reaction. ( can you describe it?)

 

No one knows what to do here, Mozart. We have all seen this type of thing before but there are no hard and fast rules on what to do. Some people cold turkey because the effects of taking the dose are just too unbearable or cause physical (Stillbelieving did). Some people do an accelerated taper. (Challis) Some people do a very slow taper (me, Bart).

 

So I had high pain, too. I didn't consider it was coming from the Valium. Mine got less as my dose got lower.

 

Tell us what your doses are of K and V.

 

And MOST important of all, dial back the fear. When you allow the fear to get away from you, your cortisol levels skyrocket which makes everything worse.

[[Mo...]]

Yes Flip...TY

I am dealing with coming off of 39 years of benzos. Never took Valium before. Deep into the c/o. One more week to be all the way on Valium. K started making me feel MORE terror and anxiety after all those years. I always took it in Congo with either xanax or serac. C/t xanax end of January as per my shrink.

Now when I take V I am getting bad muscle pain...diffuse....burning...mostly legs. Sweaty, short of breath too which could be the fear of it can't tell.

I am not going to the clinic or ER about this where they will switch some benzos, think I am nuts and don't know anything about Ashton c/o.

Valium GIVING someone pain is weird and unusual. Don't know. I have PTSD so very scared. I wish I could handle marijuana.  I am legal for it.

 

[[Fl...]]

Mozart, how much valium, how much klonipin do you take and how often?

[[Mo...]]

Day 1 of stage 5, schedule 5 in the Ashton taper

[[Fl...]]

Sorry, but that doesn't mean anything to me. I mean, I of course have seen the Ashton Manual, but I don't have her taper schedule memorized. I do know her schedules are too fast and too steep for some.

[[Mo...]]

Sorry. It was too hard to explain otherwise. I take equivalent of 30 mg. Day V

[[Fl...]]

Ok. I looked.  curiosity go the best of me.

 

So you take

10 mg V AM

.25 K & 5 mg V in the afternoon

10 mg V evenings

 

Next week you will be on all Valium. I assume you dose every 8 hours. Looks pretty smooth to me, Mozart. 

[[pr...]]

Pretty it was great to read of some improvement even though small it is just the start.

 

 

thank you Lib and Mags!

 

Lib, i really hope you are seeing some improvements too!

 

 

Mozart,

 

most times one has to just keep working through the paradoxical reactions from benzo's and keep trying daily to stabalize although i know it's so very difficult to stabalize. my mother did a c/t from xanax to valium and it took her about 2-3 weeks to get adjusted to the valium. valium takes time as it builds up in the blood and has one of the longest acting half life. you must give it time and allow it to build up in your blood all the while slowly tapering. you're doing the right thing by taking both right now and slowly crossing over. doesn't mean you won't be without severe symptoms. so sorry.

[[Al...]]

I would love to join this group and help people if I can. I am almost 19 weeks off 5 mg of Valium c/t and I'm feeling really good. I'm sleeping about 7 1/2 hours a night and I never had such great sleep in my life. I contribute my recovery to eating healthy, staying positive, working out every day and Omega 3 fish oil for cog fog/morning blah. For those people struggling it really does get better!!