Mentoring - those who are well (or better) reassuring those who struggle.

[[ra...]]

Way to go prettydaisys! That sounds so encouraging. I have been crying a lot lately too and I think it is healing. It is so great that you have these encouraging signs and I hope you continue to get more.

[[NY...]]

Way to go prettydaisys! That sounds so encouraging. I have been crying a lot lately too and I think it is healing. It is so great that you have these encouraging signs and I hope you continue to get more.

 

Crying feels so great, right?  I cried today, not for me, but b/c felt moved by my husband's art!  WOW!  That felt GOOD!  I also feel good crying in general - can get me out of waves.... cry cry away, I say!

 

This song made me cry yesterday, and it felt great.  I took BP before (high) and after (low).  I knew this song would make me cry, why I put it on.  And yes, I am BP monitoring maniac during taper ; )

 

 

[[NY...]]

NYCWR - it was meant to give hope and I'm humbly honored it did for you. 

 

Oh my, it is.  I have printed it - IT IS HANGING ON MY WALL 

 

I also shared it with my sister, mother and husband b/c they need to read things like this too.

 

Thank you!

 

[[No...]]

Pretty ... more good news ... wonderful ... 

[[...]]

It is almost my bedtime so I wont write too much now

 

Hello Flipster. Thank you for starting this thread.

 

I am not one to write on the open forum. I felt more comfy when I had my own blog. But that as gone now.

 

I am now 22 months completely drug free. And if you had said to me 12 months ago. That I would be doing what I am doing now, I would have told you .

Well you know what I am thinking.

 

Today I did a sponsored walk for my local R.S.P.C.A . It was only for 3 miles. But don't forget us Ducks only have little feet.

A few week ago . I was helping out at a fashion show. I do volunteering work for the R.S.P. C. A. something our dear friend Flipster suggested.

If my memory serves me right.

 

There were at least a 100 people there. And I had a great time. Helping behind the scenes. It was good to have laugh and a joke. It had been  a long

time since I did both.

 

I still have bad days. But that could be because I am also a menopausal old Duck. Symptoms are so like benzo.

 

Anyway I just want to say that it takes time. How long who knows. We are all different . But I know for me things are certainly changing for the better.

And anyone that is going through this time in your life. You will look back and think. How the heck did I get through it. But you will. 

 

One day a time is my motto.

 

Stay strong and let the battle commence.

 

Duckie

[[Al...]]

NYCWaverider-Thank you for posting that pretty song. Be careful about taking your blood pressure too often during recovery. My PDOC told me not to take it. Blood pressure changes every minute and it's normal that your blood pressure goes up an down during recovery. If you are concerned that your blood pressure might be a little high you can take Omega 3 fish oil liquid which lowers your blood pressure and it also helps with cog/fog/morning blahs and depression. I turned a big corner when I started to use it 3 weeks ago.

Fran

 

 

[[pr...]]

Way to go prettydaisys! That sounds so encouraging. I have been crying a lot lately too and I think it is healing. It is so great that you have these encouraging signs and I hope you continue to get more.

 

Crying feels so great, right?  I cried today, not for me, but b/c felt moved by my husband's art!  WOW!  That felt GOOD!  I also feel good crying in general - can get me out of waves.... cry cry away, I say!

 

This song made me cry yesterday, and it felt great.  I took BP before (high) and after (low).  I knew this song would make me cry, why I put it on.  And yes, I am BP monitoring maniac during taper ; )

 

 

 

i liked this song too.

[[NY...]]

NYCWaverider-Thank you for posting that pretty song. Be careful about taking your blood pressure too often during recovery. My PDOC told me not to take it. Blood pressure changes every minute and it's normal that your blood pressure goes up an down during recovery. If you are concerned that your blood pressure might be a little high you can take Omega 3 fish oil liquid which lowers your blood pressure and it also helps with cog/fog/morning blahs and depression. I turned a big corner when I started to use it 3 weeks ago.

Fran

 

Thanks Fran. Will take again. Have turned from a supplement addict to having supplement phobia, but have omeg 3 fish oil in my fridge. Yeah, no bp issues prior to taper so should chill out. Glad you liked song 

 

Wr

[[ar...]]

Thanks all.  I will continue my taper.  It is worth it in the end.

 

I took out the kayak on the lake and then went fishing.  It was nice to keep my mind off of the symptoms.

[[Sm...]]

wow this thread moves

 

So in the spirit of the thread I was hoping for some reassurance from those healed, or pretty much healed..

the cyles, where every day seems a really long journey through feeling fine and then crap, or even crazy.. tell me how this ends 

 

Also any others who though they were crazy but the healing proved em wrong.. let me know 

 

lol.. oh dear. I've just had one of those longish nights where you don't sleep much and get lots of mini waves and windows with the 'am i really just crazy?' thinking

 

Thanks 

[[Al...]]

Next to my girl Pretty Daisy's thread this thread is rocking on BB tonight:) I'm so glad I found it.

 

My friend is a Neurologist and he suggested that I eat yogurt that contains a strain called " L. Rhamnosus". Neurologist know more about the brain than Pdoc's. The strain has been proven to up regulate Gaba receptors in mice. The brand that I have been buying is called Stonyfield Organic yogurt. It's sold at Whole Foods and some select supermarkets. I started eating this yogurt twice a day 4 weeks ago and he also suggested taking 1 1/2 teaspoons of Omega 3 Fish Oil by Nordic Naturals (you can buy it at the Vitamin Shoppe or Whole Foods). I'm not here to sell any products however since I started taking these two products I turned a BIG corner. The Omega fish oil helped with the cog/fog, morning blahs, depression and my blood pressure is what it used to be when I was 22 years old. I have been in a window for the past 15 days (but who's counting)...haha...One of my BB also started using the Omega Fish Oil the same day I started using it and she too feels like a new person.

Fran

[[be...]]

Great thread! This is better than success stories, as it is so real life...Thank you for this.

Bets

[[Ca...]]

I agree Bets...this is a beautiful place to feel inspired and encouraged. Thank you friends!

 

 

Carita

[[Fl...]]

Quote from Smiff:

Also any others who though they were crazy but the healing proved em wrong.. let me know

Smiff, I think you can read back in this thread and find the answer to that question, but here is one more thing...

 

When I was in detox, people had purple hair and grotesque faces. When I looked at myself in the mirror I knew I could never go out in public again because I would scare small children. These things were the craziness. I used to calculate that I probably only had to endure this life another 10 or so years before I could legitimately "age out". Now, there simply isn't enough time to do what I want to do or enough years to take on the projects I see that need doing. Without exception, these things are about community and trying to make it better for other people. It seems the benzo years were a cure for my inherent selfishness. 

 

Duckster!  LOVE that you're volunteering! You go, girl!

 

[[Af...]]

Hi Flip, I've been wondering about this, and I'm thinking others may be too -

 

How Do We Measure Success in Healing?

 

It’s so different for each of us. I’d love to hear about this from others. 

 

I will be ready to declare Success when I can live in harmony with my Tattoos.

 

That may sound strange but it’s the honest truth. I’m 14 mos out, and hope to write a success story before October.

 

My w/d sxs have diminished to the point where I am ready to declare success. And my mind is clearing and my spirit is growing –but my body still feels like it’s missing in action – a prisoner of war held in the camp of Benzo-land. Before I can declare success, I need to feel like I have my body back. I need to remove the impact of the 40+ pounds I gained by stress-eating during my taper and w/d. It’s not about vanity. It’s about Flow. Right now I’m impeding my Flow with a dam of extra weight. I need to bust-up the physical dam.

 

I knew my benzo journey would be the most difficult thing I would ever do in my life, and I wanted to honor my decision to become Benzo-free and fortify my resolve to complete my journey by expressing my desire to change through a piece of art.  I chose body art -  a Story Tattoo.

 

I’m not a visual artist, but I worked with an artist for 9 months, collaborating on a visual expression of my personal story. We began by creating an image of Eurydice – my BB avatar -  and I chose to depict her fighting her way out of the Hell she was living in. Then we added her path out of hell, the flames of resurfacing, and a phoenix bird representing her rebirth.

 

Our final element is called The Immortal Cellist, and she represents what my life will feel like when I am Healed. Before too long, I hope to change my BB avatar to the face of my Cellist.

 

My goal is to know what-it-feels-like to feel as I believe my Cellist feels, firsthand. Not all the time, but for moments. Long enough to hold it in my heart, and know that Grace and Flow are possible. I’ve already had glimpses, but they were entirely in my head. I’m holding out for the mind-body connection.

 

Having a visual representation of my Story is perhaps my strongest coping tool. When I’m triggered or symptomatic, I have a constant reminder of where I’ve come from, and where I want to be.

 

Tattoos are only one way to have a visual reminder. Here is another, less extreme way:

My BB friend NoKlonoNo has encouraged me to use the Vision Board technique, and that works beautifully too. There are many sources if you google Vision Board, but this is the link that NoNo sent me, and I think it is a good place to start.

 

http://christinekane.com/what-is-a-vision-board/#sthash.AyhP8cYI.dpbs

 

So again, I’d really like to hear, “How will you know when you’re ready to declare Success?”

 

[[Fl...]]

1.). If money, people’s opinions and judgments, and fear were not factors, what would you do, be, and have?

 

2.)  What beliefs or things would you have to let go of to create this in your life?

 

3.)  What would you have to believe in order to be, do, and have these things?

 

That's directly from Aft's  link to NoKlonNo's vision board site. That's good stuff. It's the same stuff I learned at Mayo clinic when we learned motivational interviewing. It's all about when you close your eyes and get in touch with your deepest truth, what keeps you.

 

Aft, your idea of flow is meaningful to me. Now you have a permanent reminder of where you were, what you have been through to get out, and the knowing what it feels like when you're out. Thank you for taking us a level deeper.

 

Early on in this, I was gifted a couple of times by whatever forces are at play. I favor the term purposeful universe but I'm ok with God, too. Once I was standing outside valet parking at the hospital waiting for Mr Flip to pull around and pick me up (too sick to walk to the parking lot). I had yet another run-to-the-hospital-in-fear-I-was-dying episode. Standing there in the sunshine the air was sweet and heavy like a cold front had just moved through and the light was dancing impishly on every surface. I felt embraced, kissed, caressed by the very air. It was the first stirring of life I had had in a long time and my whole body sighed this deep shudder of relief and hope.

 

Now, every time I feel this caress, and it is fairly frequent when I'm outside, I remember that first hope. It's like First Light. First Hope.

[[Al...]]

Fliprain-Did you check your PM I emailed you?

 

Thanks.

Fran

[[No...]]

Hmmm ... success ... after a long taper and several months of acute I arrived in a ten day clear as a bell window ...

 

And after a while I knew in my bones that I had succeeded ... I stopped taking the drug ... and I did not need the drug anymore ... and I knew I would never take the drug again ... success ...

 

Since last September I have been in a kind of limbo ... doing my healing thing ... things getting reconfigured ... the table being reset ... not a very pleasant time ... and this will continue for as long as it needs to ...

 

Be Well ...

 

 

[[Al...]]

Good Morning everyone. I hope that everyone had a wonderful Mother's Day.

 

I wanted to know if anyone has ever experienced this? I have been in a window for the past 16 days. While watching TV Friday night and feeling relaxed and out of the blue I felt my pulse race for about 10 minutes and then it abated. The same thing on Saturday and yesterday I felt my heart race but it abated in 4 minutes. I know that healing is not linear. It was as if someone turned on a light switch and then abruptly turned it off. It was brought to my attention it was a cortisol surge. I'm going to get my period any day now so that means Progesterone is binding to Gaba A. Isn't it wonderful being a woman? LOL

 

Fran

[[ra...]]

Fran, I found a few papers on the L. Rhamnosus effect that you were talking about and I've been eating Stonyfield Farms yoghurt with that strain! Thanks for the heads up.

 

It is amazing to hear you all talk about what success means and the moments of clarity you have had. I have hope that I will get there.

 

Lately I think I have had a few moments, not necessarily windows, where I realized at least how overwhelmingly far I am from a healthy mental state. It gives me hope that maybe my body is working toward there. I can barely feel hope, especially in the mornings, but by the end of the day it is easier.

 

Success for me would mean that I am able to write and believe in stories again... my favorites are fantasy stories, dragons and fairies and magic and love. I want to believe in those things again.

[[NY...]]

Next to my girl Pretty Daisy's thread this thread is rocking on BB tonight:) I'm so glad I found it.

 

The brand that I have been buying is called Stonyfield Organic yogurt. I started eating this yogurt twice a day 4 weeks ago and he also suggested taking 1 1/2 teaspoons of Omega 3 Fish Oil by Nordic Naturals

 

Fran,

 

I am on my to whole foods now, buying these things (makes sense to me with the yogurt, b/c although have food aversion w/taper, I CRAVE kefir).  To make things easier, I am going with your brand of yogurt.

 

I am also going with your brand of Fish Oil, and dosage.  My QUESTION:  do you take 1 1/2 tsp 1x day, in morning?

 

Thank you.  I was shocked that I had no deficiencies but D, b/c eat so little, and beating crap out of body, but even cortisol levels and EVERYTHING (thyroid, etc) were in "VERY GOOD" range, based on my blood test results, although quite deficient in D (seems to be a trend on this board).  She did mention fish oil as on opt/in, opt/out, so am opting in!  Will report back (on another section - the alt therapies one- if it's working for me after I give it a go for a couple of weeks).  Cog fog is big issue, esp since my job = writer/researcher.  So, thank you so much for tips + specific brands.

 

Just need clarification when to take dosage... if in one shot or split up during the day. 

 

Many thanks!  I know this seems like a PM, but thought others may want to hear a) even though you may feel like your body is getting the crap beaten out of it, you may still healthy, and getting blood work done during taper can be a good way to feel some reassurance, or address simple deficiencies, like Vit D; and 2) if anyone wants to try fish oil, perhaps had same questions as I re: dosage.

 

And here's a light little ditty for those who may having a tough Monday:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLVX2D-Ev20

 

WR

 

 

[[Af...]]

Nova, I hear your bell ringing every time you write. Your words reflect the rhythm of the sea, and even though you may not yet be where you want to be, your ability to help others heal through your words is a gift of the greatest magnitude. 

 

Rapunzel, you speak to my heart when you speak of dragons fairies magic and love! I know you will believe again. A few months ago I found myself crying with joy while watching Kenneth Branaugh’s new Cinderella film. His pumpkin-into-carriage transformation scenes are some of the best movie magic I have ever seen. I too find re-visiting my favorite childhood stories very healing.

 

And as for writing, I believe many of us have found the forum to be a perfect place to try and reclaim our writer’s voice. I too, would like to write more, and I find a collective energy here that is very inspiring. I hope this is true for you too.

 

[[Al...]]

NYCWaverider-I was told to take 1 teaspoon in the AM with food and 1/2 teaspoon at dinner time with food. Make sure you get the 1600 ml per tea spoon. I felt a big difference after taking it for one week. The yogurt is yummy however you can add flax seed in it (another great brain food). If you like nuts you should buy almond nuts great for the brain and I eat brown rice which is another great brain food.

 

I had my yearly physical in December 2014. I am a skin cancer survivor so I never go in the sun. Two years ago my Vitamin D count was 19 and last December it was 38. My internist said this past December that my count was fine but to continue taking 1 1,000 IU of Vitamin D a day. She also said that your vitamin D count should NOT be too high. I'm not due for another physical till this December and I will be almost one year off benzo in December. I eat VERY healthy and my body talks to me if something is not right. I just had a pap smear and mammogram and so far so good

Fran

 

 

 

[[NY...]]

NYCWaverider-I was told to take 1 teaspoon in the AM with food and 1/2 teaspoon at dinner time with food. Make sure you get the 1600 ml per tea spoon. I felt a big difference after taking it for one week. The yogurt is yummy however you can add flax seed in it (another great brain food). If you like nuts you should buy almond nuts great for the brain and I eat brown rice which is another great brain food.

 

I had my yearly physical in December 2014. I am a skin cancer survivor so I never go in the sun. Two years ago my Vitamin D count was 19 and last December it was 38. My internist said this past December that my count was fine but to continue taking 1 1,000 IU of Vitamin D a day. She also said that your vitamin D count should NOT be too high. I'm not due for another physical till this December and I will be almost one year off benzo in December. I eat VERY healthy and my body talks to me if something is not right. I just had a pap smear and mammogram and so far so good

Fran

 

Thank you - am responding via PM due to VIT D questions - my level was same (19, three five days ago), although can go in the sun, and do, and have question re: VIT D dosage I'm taking.  Am saddened to hear you have to avoid sun due to skin cancer hx; but so glad you caught it/beat it! 

 

 

[[ra...]]

Rapunzel, you speak to my heart when you speak of dragons fairies magic and love! I know you will believe again. A few months ago I found myself crying with joy while watching Kenneth Branaugh’s new Cinderella film. His pumpkin-into-carriage transformation scenes are some of the best movie magic I have ever seen. I too find re-visiting my favorite childhood stories very healing.

 

And as for writing, I believe many of us have found the forum to be a perfect place to try and reclaim our writer’s voice. I too, would like to write more, and I find a collective energy here that is very inspiring. I hope this is true for you too.

 

Thank you so much Aft!  I should watch that new Cinderella. Kenneth Branagh is great. I've always wanted to retell fairy tales... Robin McKinley's Beauty is one of my absolute favorite books. I've always admired her and dreamed of publishing even one book that's at least half as good. The darkness has been so overwhelming lately that I've lost faith in everything, especially my dreams. In the worst times I've felt that it's cruel to give other people hope because there is none. But I still want to and I feel so much better when I can encourage other people here. So there must be something to have faith in even if I can't feel it. Thank you for helping me remember that.

 

I'm thinking of starting a buddie blog since I haven't done that yet. That might help me have something to wake up for in the morning. I worry that my identity will become too obvious but at some point I am just going to have to stop WORRYING about everything!!!!