Mentoring - those who are well (or better) reassuring those who struggle.

[[MT...]]

I just watched this clip of that soldier who lost his arm and leg and is/was on dancing with the stars. Pretty amazing what we humans can endure:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBOUArYeBxY

[[ra...]]

Hi all. I'm having a really tough time holding on today. I feel out of fight, like I don't have it anymore for this day in, day out battle. I've been reading this thread bit by bit for the past few days and your words have been inspiring and comforting but I feel there's so little of me left. Nothing I try makes any difference. Today I had my 3rd shot at acupuncture with no help. I've done diet, exercise, mindfulness, many youtube meditations, every supplement recommended (either no effect or bad side effects). How have you folks done this month after month, year after year?

 

I miss believing in fairies too.

 

I feel you, MTfan. I feel like I have tried everything and I am still suffering a lot. I don't know if I really believe this will end but I try not to think about anything too much but just getting through the next minute or two. Having my family say they need me and having this forum encourage me to survive are really strong lifelines for me!

 

I'm sorry this is so horrible for you. But I think even when you feel like you don't have the strength to fight, you ARE fighting, just by staying alive and staying off the benzos. That's really impressive.

[[Fl...]]

MTFan, I know this is so, so hard and there are times when hope seems like a distant thing. Your very soul gets weary.

 

Sometimes there is absolutely nothing left to do except endure. No action is required except to rest and weather. I use the example a lot of cows weathering a blizzard huddled together with their rumps to the wind, just waiting it out together. Together is key, here. That's what this thread is all about. You absolutely are not alone. We cannot do this for you but we can stand beside you while you do it. 

Flip

 

Wise words, Rapunzel....sometimes stayin alive IS the best we can do. This will not last. The worst of it is short and then you'll see daylight again.

[[Fl...]]

Fran!!!! Way to go. That is HUGE!!!!! 

[[MT...]]

Thanks Rapunzel and Flip. I really appreciate that I'm not alone in this. I think it helps to give ourselves credit for enduring. Sometimes I beat myself up for not doing more but all I can do is hold on some days.

 

Sometimes I feel judged--like if I were doing xyz I would be doing better. But sadly, what is very effective for one person, even many people, can be totally ineffective for others. At times I feel like dropping out here but then I read tales of others who struggle no matter what they do and decide to keep coming back.

[[Fl...]]

Once your sleep begins to return, things will improve sharply, I think. Absence of restorative sleep does a number on us. I think a I didn't sleep over a few minutes at a time for several months and I was so altered in every way. Then I'd get lucky and sleep 4 straight hours, which probably saved me.

 

Now that I'm healed, I regularly sleep 8 or even 9 hours with one potty break. It is such a gift. I never thought I'd see it again, but here it is. You will also have it. 

[[Al...]]

Awesome job managing all that stress, Fran. I'm so glad you were able to do that! Definitely proves that healing is happening and you're stronger than you think you are. We all get so messed up having constant fear in our heads.

 

Rapunzelblue-Thank you!!! I remember when I first went off a benzo I was afraid to go to the supermarket or to drive on a highway. I forced myself into the supermarket because I needed food and forced myself to drive on the highway telling myself this isn't me it's just the benzo. Isn't it crazy what a benzo can do to your mind?

 

Fliprain-Thank you:)

[[Fl...]]

WORD FOR THE DAY

 

Wednesday, May. 13

 

The more you sense the rareness and value of your own life, the more you realize that how you use it, how you manifest it, is all your responsibility. We face such a big task, so naturally we sit down for a while.

 

Kobun Chino Otogawa Roshi

 

 

I really like this. Michael Meade says that at the end of our life, if we have lived it the way we should have, we will be able to say "I became myself". I think the benzo journey actually aided that becoming. I think the benzo time was me "sitting down for a while".

 

 

[[Ki...]]

For all you guys, One day will be better. I wish this for you and myself,

[[Fl...]]

This is so true JJ, I appreciate the simple things in life, I guess I took a lot for granted before.  Today a simple walk through the park is just wonderful.  When I came back to life, it was like I was looking at everything through new eyes, getting a second chance at life and being so grateful.

 

I continue to get this feel good feeling when I go on a simple trip to the local promenade, or even the park.  It doesn't take a cruise or a Mediterranean holiday to make me feel excited lol  I can feel wonderful sat in my garden on a sunny day, It really doesn't take much to make me happy these days, I am so grateful.

 

I get emotional when I think of the many members who helped me get here. Most of them were having a rough time, but they never tired of my, "Somebody please tell me I will get better” question every day.  Without those heroes, I have no doubt that I would not have made it, this forum is full of heroes.

 

Margo, I so agree! I see with new eyes, too. It is like a rebirth in many ways. And yes, this forum is full of heroes and you, my friend, are chief among them!

[[Fl...]]

For all you guys, One day will be better. I wish this for you and myself,

 

You will feel better, Kinia. Your body is doing exactly what it is supposed to do. Try to be very kind to yourself and take in clean food, clean water and clean thoughts.

[[Af...]]

GOOD NEWS

 

I saw my prescribing APRN yesterday, and now that I'm benzo-free and adjunct-free, she told me I no longer needed her care!

 

Her experience with me was her first experience managing a successful taper. Now she has seen the Ashton method work first hand. And now that she has seen my success, her goal is to help 100% of her clients become benzo-free when they are ready to try. She said she always recommends BB as an important source of support.  And she’s no longer the only one on the psych staff who feels this way. The trend at our hospital is turning away from benzos!

 

It’s my hope that newcomers may find this thread sooner than later. I wish I had it when I joined BB. Success stories are wonderful, but they feel so far away when we’re first beginning. This thread is rooted in the here and now, and it feels just right. My APRN also said we need more people like Flip in this world, and I agree wholeheartedly. Thanks again for all you continue to do, Flip. Your experience and training is very valuable here. Please keep suggesting ways we can try to help others too.

[[Fl...]]

This is GREAT news, Aft! Thank you. 

[[No...]]

Hi ... well ... when it rains it pours ... seems I have a urinary infection ... and on an antibiotic ... nitrofurantoin ... nothing to be overly concerned about ... at least in the short term ...

 

Still waiting for those "happy days" ...

[[Af...]]

No fun, NovaScotia, I hear you on that one! This is for you 

http://i1283.photobucket.com/albums/a550/IpA27Zd/DownloadedFile-11_zps2iq6nbjn.jpg

[[No...]]

Aft35yrs ... 

[[ra...]]

Aft35yrs, thanks for that gorgeous image and for your hopeful story! It's so amazing that you've recovered so much and even better that you've effected such a positive change in your hospital. My doctor keeps telling me to be careful what I read on the internet so it's a relief to hear that some professionals are taking our experiences seriously.

 

I'm really grateful to you and Flip for the encouragement on this thread. You're really helping me to believe that I'm still healing. Thank you so much. 

 

Thanks Rapunzel and Flip. I really appreciate that I'm not alone in this. I think it helps to give ourselves credit for enduring. Sometimes I beat myself up for not doing more but all I can do is hold on some days.

 

Sometimes I feel judged--like if I were doing xyz I would be doing better. But sadly, what is very effective for one person, even many people, can be totally ineffective for others. At times I feel like dropping out here but then I read tales of others who struggle no matter what they do and decide to keep coming back.

 

I really relate to these feelings. When I feel bad I blame myself--it's because I haven't been doing enough yoga, haven't been practicing mindfulness well enough, etc. I forget that my brain must be healing no matter what. I think I've been really hurt by my doctor and therapist not believing that I could still be suffering from the effects of benzos, and them telling me that I have to work at it if I want to be well. But it feels like all I do is work at it and I'm so tired. I just want to be able to relax the way healthy people do and have just a few moments where I forget my horrible depression and anxiety about life.

 

But deep down I really think simply enduring is the key and we should be proud of ourselves. When you're not able to do more than endure, your body probably knows what it's doing--what's best for itself. You got yourself all the way to here, and you'll keep going.

[[Ch...]]

GOOD NEWS

 

I saw my prescribing APRN yesterday, and now that I'm benzo-free and adjunct-free, she told me I no longer needed her care!

 

Her experience with me was her first experience managing a successful taper. Now she has seen the Ashton method work first hand. And now that she has seen my success, her goal is to help 100% of her clients become benzo-free when they are ready to try. She said she always recommends BB as an important source of support.  And she’s no longer the only one on the psych staff who feels this way. The trend at our hospital is turning away from benzos!

 

It’s my hope that newcomers may find this thread sooner than later. I wish I had it when I joined BB. Success stories are wonderful, but they feel so far away when we’re first beginning. This thread is rooted in the here and now, and it feels just right. My APRN also said we need more people like Flip in this world, and I agree wholeheartedly. Thanks again for all you continue to do, Flip. Your experience and training is very valuable here. Please keep suggesting ways we can try to help others too.

 

Hurray, Aft!  GREAT news!! 

[[Af...]]

Rapunzel, When we make it this far, endurance is a given. And yes, there’s always that pesky voice in our heads that tells us we should be doing more. …But I think “shoulds” are almost the antithesis of “as ifs” – they take us to a place of feeling less-than instead of more-than. When I feel this way, I try to take a moment to reflect on what my life was like a year ago, then 2 years ago, and I try to remind myself that the only thing I “should” be doing is patting myself on the back!

 

I too, still struggle with anxiety, but the triggers are very familiar to me now, and I’m better now at stacking the deck in my favor in way of preparation. When I was drugged it felt the anxieties came out of nowhere. Now, in a weird way, I think I’m trying to befriend them.

 

My biggest issue is still sleep. Or rather, not sleeping. My sleep is still poor. And like you, I can feel very impatient about thinking I should be making more progress.  Oh well. The up side is I’ve come to be able to function very well on 5 hours of sleep – (thanks to enduring the horrific sleepless nights of w/d), and I guess that’s a partial victory, of sorts!

 

NovaScotia, Wishing you a long float in the gentle, warm bay of your inner mind – you really do know what’s best for yourself, and your insights continue to help us all.

 

Challis, I can’t wait to know what 3 years feels like too!

 

 

[[Se...]]

Fliprain,

 

Thanks so much for starting this support group.  I've just stumbled upon it and will go back to read what you've posted so far.  I'm just about to start a blog, finally after all these months.  Coming up on my two year anniversary at the end of May and I'm looking for fresh ways to reinvigorate my spirit, it has been such a long, long journey.  My endurance is beginning to falter a bit lately even in the face of my first ever windows this past month.

 

I'm so self contained, and not in a good way.  I realize I need to reach out for help a bit more.  I never envisioned my healing would take this long when I stepped off the z-drug two years ago.  It seems like an odyssey at times.

 

I love your spirit and admire the work you've done to find your path.  I too long to really "love my life again before I die".  I feel lately as if I've abandoned my hopes and dreams in order to simply survive.  I want to thrive again.  Resurrect myself from the ashes.

 

I appreciate your thoughts and experiences and the fact that you are willing to share with us all.  That you are doing well is a light in the wilderness and is wildly encouraging to me.

 

 

SeekingSanity

[Guest [Mi...]]

Hi, Fliprain and everyone!

 

Hope you don't mind if I tag along for the ride.

 

I've read the first couple of pages and it looks really amazing. 

 

So much strength here. 

 

Thank you for starting this thread, Flip. 

[[No...]]

Rapunzelblue  ... "them telling me that I have to work at it if I want to be well" ... hmmm ... to them that have told me the same thing I give a very stout and heartfelt ... bah humbug ...

 

For me, this is classic "blaming the sufferer for their suffering" ... otherwise known as re-traumatizing the victim ... it is cruel and unconscionable for anyone supposedly practicing the therapeutic arts ... my comment to these folks who I have experienced along the way is a heartfelt and resounding "you're fired" ... followed by my dignified and skippy-step exit from the room ... never to return ...

 

We are all doing and being the best we can day to day ... and I have had to learn this lesson over and over again ... to cut myself some slack ... my being sick is a reflection of where I am right now ... it is not a character flaw, some mental or emotional defect, or some excuse ... it is a fact of my life right now ... I am sick ... and it took me a couple of years in this process to get the message to start acting like it ... my pretending that I could "overcome" this journey of recovery by "acting" as if I were well was not helpful and certainly not compassionate towards myself ...

 

This fallacy of magical thinking which I acquired and practiced for many years turned out to be a great disservice to myself ... and it was very hard work to let it go ... for me it belongs on the dust heap of pseudo-therapy ...

 

For me this is where I am right now ... having some good days ... having some lousy days ... all the while recovering/healing ... doing what I can as I can ... and yes there is so much more I "want" to do ... and in the full measure of time I will do them ... just not today ...

 

Be Well ... 

[[Ca...]]

Fliprain,

 

Thanks so much for starting this support group.  I've just stumbled upon it and will go back to read what you've posted so far.  I'm just about to start a blog, finally after all these months.  Coming up on my two year anniversary at the end of May and I'm looking for fresh ways to reinvigorate my spirit, it has been such a long, long journey.  My endurance is beginning to falter a bit lately even in the face of my first ever windows this past month.

 

I'm so self contained, and not in a good way.  I realize I need to reach out for help a bit more.  I never envisioned my healing would take this long when I stepped off the z-drug two years ago.  It seems like an odyssey at times.

 

I love your spirit and admire the work you've done to find your path.  I too long to really "love my life again before I die".  I feel lately as if I've abandoned my hopes and dreams in order to simply survive.  I want to thrive again.  Resurrect myself from the ashes.

 

I appreciate your thoughts and experiences and the fact that you are willing to share with us all.  That you are doing well is a light in the wilderness and is wildly encouraging to me.

 

 

SeekingSanity

 

You are not alone Seekingsanity.

 

I don't know if you had the same impression that I had when I first realized that it was the zopiclone drugs causing my problems.

I started reading about the horrors of benzos (and as a side note- the z drugs) almost as if they were not quite as bad.  Well as I and many others including you have experienced,  they are every bit as damaging.

 

I actually believe that they are worse in some areas as they are meant to be taken as a knock you out drug and they are very powerful.

 

I ended up taking z drugs every 4 hours throughout the day! Did myself a lot of damage.

 

I am 3 1/2 years off now.  Doing OK. My brain has returned and that is a big one.

Sleep is still quite an issue but it is improving slowly.

 

I know the feeling of longing to feel normal without having to work at it.

It happens more often for me now that I feel fine. Mostly the evenings

 

Hang in there

 

Start your blog. Build it and they will come.

 

Love Carol

[[...]]

Rapunzelblue  ... "them telling me that I have to work at it if I want to be well" ... hmmm ... to them that have told me the same thing I give a very stout and heartfelt ... bah humbug ...

 

For me, this is classic "blaming the sufferer for their suffering" ... otherwise known as re-traumatizing the victim ... it is cruel and unconscionable for anyone supposedly practicing the therapeutic arts ... my comment to these folks who I have experienced along the way is a heartfelt and resounding "you're fired" ... followed by my dignified and skippy-step exit from the room ... never to return ...

 

We are all doing and being the best we can day to day ... and I have had to learn this lesson over and over again ... to cut myself some slack ... my being sick is a reflection of where I am right now ... it is not a character flaw, some mental or emotional defect, or some excuse ... it is a fact of my life right now ... I am sick ... and it took me a couple of years in this process to get the message to start acting like it ... my pretending that I could "overcome" this journey of recovery by "acting" as if I were well was not helpful and certainly not compassionate towards myself ...

 

This fallacy of magical thinking which I acquired and practiced for many years turned out to be a great disservice to myself ... and it was very hard work to let it go ... for me it belongs on the dust heap of pseudo-therapy ...

 

For me this is where I am right now ... having some good days ... having some lousy days ... all the while recovering/healing ... doing what I can as I can ... and yes there is so much more I "want" to do ... and in the full measure of time I will do them ... just not today ...

 

Be Well ... 

 

 

This is fabulous Nova. I am going to read over and over and try to apply to myself.......true acceptance 

 

 

This is a great thread 

[[pr...]]

We are all doing and being the best we can day to day ... and I have had to learn this lesson over and over again ... to cut myself some slack ... my being sick is a reflection of where I am right now ... it is not a character flaw, some mental or emotional defect, or some excuse ... it is a fact of my life right now ... I am sick ... and it took me a couple of years in this process to get the message to start acting like it ... my pretending that I could "overcome" this journey of recovery by "acting" as if I were well was not helpful and certainly not compassionate towards myself ...

 

This fallacy of magical thinking which I acquired and practiced for many years turned out to be a great disservice to myself ... and it was very hard work to let it go ... for me it belongs on the dust heap of pseudo-therapy ...

 

For me this is where I am right now ... having some good days ... having some lousy days ... all the while recovering/healing ... doing what I can as I can ... and yes there is so much more I "want" to do ... and in the full measure of time I will do them ... just not today ...

 

 

this is really great Nova!